S03E72 How to Make Yourself Lucky

They always seem to know the right people and even when something bad happens , it seems to break better for them somehow . Our former president , Donald Trump , once said Everything in life is luck , and sometimes , when things aren't going so well for us , it does seem that we can't catch a break . How many if only situations have we seen in our lives ?

If only I didn't catch a cold this week , I could have done better on the college admissions interview . That was bad luck . Or if only they didn't program a one rep max thruster in the CrossFit Open , I could have made it to quarterfinals . That was bad luck .

Or if only Aaron Rodgers didn't tear his Achilles tendon minutes into the season , the Jets wouldn't suck so much this year . That was bad luck . Yup , I know I've seen my share of bad luck . Most of us have . But is luck really out of our control ?

Another former president , Gerald Ford once said I like the definition of luck where the harder you try , the luckier you get , and that's a great quote , but , honestly , if good luck was just hard work , then why did the Jets stink so much this year ?

I thought they worked just as hard as any other team this preseason , or maybe I might have worked really hard for that promotion , but then my boss happened to favor the new hire , who was 15 years younger than I was . Hard work doesn't always seem to translate into good luck .

Then , recently , I saw this article in the Wall Street Journal from Rachel Feinzig , titled Some people are just lucky . You can make yourself one of them , and I immediately thought I've never been really lucky . This is perfect . I'm going to have Rachel's article make me the luckiest person in New Jersey .

So let's take a look into what making your luck really means . First of all , let's put aside blind luck , which is the kind of luck that we really can't control , like winning the lottery . No one really has tips on controlling truly random chance .

The luck we can make ourselves , though , is to find a smart luck , which is where you see something unexpected and you can connect the dots to make it a positive opportunity for yourself . Okay , there are four fundamental concepts about how to increase this kind of smart luck , and these concepts are all ones in which I definitely need to work on for myself .

Number one one of the most important concepts about becoming smart lucky is that you have to increase your chances and opportunities to see smart luck . As they say about the lotto you got to be in it to win it . That means doing more things where you have an opportunity to become lucky .

For most of us , that usually means meeting more people , a lot more people . You don't get lucky by sitting at home playing video games . The bottom line is , the more people you meet , the more connections you make and the chance for opportunity grows . Meeting is important . Sociologist Mark Granaveter calls this the strength of weak ties .

Strong ties are our close friends and colleagues , but the social circles between you and your best friends are usually very similar , or at least they overlap to a great degree .

But the people we don't know as well maybe we meet them at a gym , a PTA meeting or at a professional conference , or even the random person we run into at a hotel elevator or at the coffee line in Starbucks they probably have different social networks than you and your close friends have .

So reaching out , saying hello , introducing yourself to these weak tie people , will increase your chance of in connecting on some level . Those stories of people who meet their future spouse on the subway platform or waiting at a Dunkin' Donuts those happen only if you don't look down at your feet and ignore everyone around you .

And when you're looking for that new job or person to date , you will find more luck finding someone who can connect you to what you might be looking for . Plus , you may be able to connect your close friends to someone who can bring opportunity to them as well .

So the opportunity for spreading luck around you can grow depending on your friends and their so-called weak ties as well . When you get that cocktail party question . So what do you do ? You can always throw out some hooks that might increase the chance of growing that weak tie .

For example , entrepreneur Dr Christian Bush suggests you could say well , I'm a real estate agent , but I recently started reading about philosophy and what I'm really interested in is exploring science . That gives three hooks where you might find a connection with someone and thus increase the potential for finding an opportunity .

Now , my daughter has always enjoyed meeting new people . I always thought she was just incredibly lucky in landing opportunities in school and out of school , but her luck has been in large part because she does so well navigating large groups of new people .

The other thing is is that my daughter's never afraid to ask , or at least tell people what she's striving for . She will discuss her goals with her teachers and ask for help achieving them , and I know if she wants something from her parents she's not afraid to ask for it . Now , she doesn't demand things like varouka salt wanting an oompa-loompa .

On the contrary , she's very persuasive . She's got Riz See what I did there A little callback , and she is very good at asking nicely and maneuvering into situations where people want to say yes to her and to help her reach her goals .

And I can envision someday she may be asking people to say yes to her idea , to her pitch , to her proposal , to her request or to her startup . And , true , she may be turned down many times , but I'm sure a few people will say yes where they will be willing to help her achieve her goals . And when she succeeds , some people are going to call that luck .

Now , on the contrary , for someone like me who's very much the opposite of my daughter , as a hermit , as an introvert who likes nothing more than staying at home . I mean , why do you think I like podcasting so much ? This may be one huge reason why I never considered myself lucky .

It's rare that I put myself out there and I hate asking people for things or talking about my goals . And even now , as much as I realize how important it is to network and create opportunities for myself , it will always be a challenge for me to put myself out there and , yes , also to ask for things .

And no doubt I will work on it and I hope you do too . The second concept about making yourself lucky is to expand your boundaries . So doing the same things over and over again every day will likely result in the same results . Trying different side projects or learning new skills or trying different experiences may open up unexpected opportunities .

There's a movie starring Jim Carrey called yes man , where his character attends a motivational seminar and then believes that he is obligated to say yes to everything that is presented to him .

So he goes to see alt rock bands , he takes Korean language lessons , he learns how to play the guitar , flies out to Lincoln , Nebraska , for a spontaneous weekend vacation and not surprisingly because it is a movie . His life is richer for being forced to say yes to all these activities , and in doing so he meets his true love .

It's a really funny movie , but the premise that good things can happen unexpectedly if you try new things does hold true . It doesn't have to be dramatically different , but think about all the routines we have every day , and what would it be like to change it up a little bit ? Be curious .

Not every attempt will work out swimmingly , but as Wayne Gretzky once said famously , you miss 100% of the shots you don't take . The third secret to making yourself lucky is to be generous with luck to others . Make opportunities for those around you , connect your old friends with new ones .

Be the person who makes luck happen for someone else , and when you give to others , you create relationships , and other people will respond in kind with advice , connections or any other kind of help that we might often call good luck .

Sincere giving without the expectation of receiving something in return will earn you the friends and connections that will help you become lucky in return someday . The last and most important method to make yourself lucky is what's called a serendipity mindset .

That means you have to see the unforeseen or unplanned occurrences in our lives not as distractions or problems that need to be dismissed , but to take these events and think more deeply about what they might present .

Expanding our awareness to our surroundings and keeping an open mind is not an easy skill to develop , especially for us like myself , who tend to rigidly plan and stay focused on our goals .

But the ability to stay positive despite the unexpected setbacks and to be flexible enough to consider other possibilities , even if they weren't within our original objectives , that's the serendipity mindset that can create luck .

An article by the Guardian , written by Sharon Walker , mentions two examples by which having a serendipity mindset makes all the difference between those who consider themselves unlucky and those who make their own luck .

The classic example is Alexander Fleming , back in 1928 , as the professor of bacteriology at St Mary's Hospital in London , where he returned after holiday to his laboratory and looked at his petri dishes where he was growing staphylococcus , a type of bacteria .

Unfortunately , one of the petri dishes was contaminated with a blob of mold and the staphylococcus colony had a large empty zone around the mold growth .

Now , if it was me , I probably would have thrown away that ruined petri dish , annoyed that my goal of growing these perfect staff colonies was messed up , and I would have started another , fresh , cleaner petri dish . But Alexander Fleming saw this unplanned mistake and he wondered what was the mold secreting into that area where the staff wasn't growing ?

And so he took that liquid goop that the mold was producing and , after a great deal of effort and also help from his network of connections , he developed the first true antibiotic penicillin .

The other , more modern example that this Guardian article mentions is about an entrepreneur named Nathaniel Whitmore , who was stuck in London in 2010 after an Icelandic volcano erupted , releasing an ash cloud which grounded all flights over Europe for almost a week .

He realized there were probably many other people that were also stuck in London just like he was , and in 36 hours he organized a TED volcano conference with 200 attendees , world-class speakers , including eBay's first president , Jeff Skoll , and a live stream watched by over 10,000 viewers .

Now , do you always have to be such a try-hard in order to make luck happen for you ?

No , but if you feel like you could do more to reframe your way of thinking , shift your perspective a little bit and open your eyes a little bit more to the positive possibilities out there , then you too and same goes for me could go a long way to making more good luck happen . So there you go , the four principles on how to become incredibly lucky .

Who knows , with a little bit of luck , we could all be having the luck that we dream about .

My weekly thankful is Thanksgiving , Originally a day of giving thanks for the harvest To me and many others , it is a time to bring friends and family together to acknowledge the blessings bestowed upon us and to express our gratitude for the good things in our lives .

Whether you're riding a recent high or challenged by stresses and sadness in your life , I hope we can all take a moment to give thanks during the holiday season and to help others to celebrate , regardless of our circumstances . Thanks again for listening and please , as always , DM me at Botox and Burpees podcast on Instagram or leave a comment at youtubecom .

Slash outside Botox and Burpees . Thank you and happy Thanksgiving .