S03E35 ACCEPTING THINGS WE CANT CHANGE

S03E35 ACCEPTING THINGS WE CANT CHANGE 

[00:00:00] Sam Rhee: Today's podcast episode is about accepting things that we can't change. As a plastic surgeon, sometimes the hardest thing to change about someone is their mind, not their physical body. How do you help people around you grapple with their negative self-image if what bothers them physically is something they cannot change? 

I talked to two high level CrossFit athletes this week. Our gym, CrossFit Bison in Midland Park, New Jersey, hosted the 23.2 CrossFit Open Announcement, which was broadcast worldwide and seen by hundreds of thousands of CrossFit enthusiasts. It was a really special occasion for our community and our athletes who deserved every moment of the event. As a coach and athlete, I could not be more proud of the gym owners, the members and their family members who were all there. 

I had an opportunity to talk to many visitors, including some great CrossFit athletes. 

And a few of them when they found out that I was a plastic surgeon, had some questions for me. 

One athlete asked me about hair transplantation, not Roman Khrennikov by the way. I don't do hair transplantation, but I am familiar with and know some providers who do hair transplantation. The cost is usually around 10 to $20,000, and there's a fair amount of time and energy spent on recovery. 

Another athlete asked about surgical correction for diastasis or diastasis rectus. I plan to talk more about diastasis rectus in the future. It's a very common issue after pregnancy where the space between the rectus abdominis muscles, the six pack muscles, widens during pregnancy from being stretched. 

The separation can make a person's belly stick out or bulge months or even years postpartum. Sometimes the space between the muscles can be permanently stretched out. 

Two times CrossFit Games Champion Annie Thorisdottir finished third in the CrossFit Games a year after childbirth in 2021. She talked about her rectus diastasis afterwards. 

She stated, she gets comments she must be on steroids because her stomach sticks out or that she looks like she's pregnant again. These are the exact same comments that this athlete also got on social media from people who did not even know her personally. 

Both of these athletes who asked about hair transplantation and correction of diastasis rectus, although they were amazingly fit, they obviously had some aspect of their appearance which bothered them enough to actually consider surgery. Both of them also intellectually at least recognized that surgery was not really the answer for these issues. 

Both of them are charismatic, dynamic, beautiful people who are attractive to others. 

And yet both admitted to hiding their body. The first athlete would wear hats and caps constantly, rarely walking around with an uncovered head. The other athlete would even avoid eating at certain times to minimize the rectus diastasis when going out. 

It makes me sad that these two great people would feel this way, but it also illustrates that struggling with self-esteem and insecurity about our body is universal. 

And for both of these athletes, even gently encouraging them that because surgical options were pretty limited or prohibitively expensive, accepting and embracing how they look, even though it made sense to them, will probably be a prolonged, if not lifelong struggle to accept. 

Two things come to mind. 

When Annie Thorisdottir posted about this last year, she said, I know others struggle with the same. And even though most of us have bodily insecurities of some sort, it is not something to be shamed of, and something that should be hidden away. 

She said, words only have the power you give them. It is up to you if you will let them affect you or not. 

The other thing that comes to mind is the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

What is it about your appearance or self-image that you don't like? Can you realistically change it? If not, can you change your mind about it? 

Something that I struggle with every day. 

Finally, a listener commented about the last podcast episode, which was about encouraging others to fitness. The listener messaged me stating that they recently had a negative experience at a gym recently where an instructor was correcting so many things that the listener was overwhelmed and was actually tearful during the workout. 

First of all, thank you for sharing that experience. I definitely have had experiences where someone told me so many things I was doing wrong. It was pretty discouraging. This was mostly on my surgical residency side, and there was a lot more yelling and curse words back in those days. Unfortunately, I admit, I have probably frustrated some athletes or others in the past overloading them as well. 

It is definitely a journey and when I am faced with that situation where I feel frustrated, I try to acknowledge how I feel, whether it's the anger, the frustration, the helplessness, but then I also understand for myself that I am trying someone else making me feel badly about that won't change what I do and it won't change me trying to get better. I give myself the credit and grace to keep working hard at something I care about. 

Thank you again. I appreciate everyone's thoughts. Please comment on anything you may hear on the podcast. Feel free to share your own experiences, and thank you for listening.