Today on Bold Steps with Mark Jobe, we're looking at the three types of infidelity.
Unless you determine in advance that you will guard your marriage and set boundaries and have honesty in your marriage and openness, and not keep secrets from each other, then I think you're setting yourself up for a fall, unless you determine in advance that's the kind of relationship and marriage that we're going to have.
Welcome to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Mark is president of Moody Bible Institute and the senior pastor of New Life Community Church in Chicago and Wayne Shepherd. Well, over the past few days, Mark has been presenting an overview of the Ten Commandments, as they're found in Exodus chapter 20. And we've come to see that some of them are short and staccato, while others pack a real punch. They all do. Actually, today, Mark, we're looking at a commandment that so many people seem to disregard.
Wayne. This is a huge commandment for the integrity of marriage and it has so many ramifications to it. You know, as a pastor, I've married hundreds of couples and that are dressed up for the occasion and with smiles, exchanged vows with one another. But I've also counseled hundreds of couples that are saying, I'm out of this marriage. And oftentimes at the root of it is some form of infidelity.
And so this is a strong reminder. And if you are married or thinking about getting married, you need to listen to this message.
All right. Well let's listen carefully right now as Mark begins the message from our series called Rock Solid Living Ancient Words for New Life.
The decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice. Instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their behavior at the start of an affair. Now, today, I want to talk to you about three types of adultery. I want to talk to you about physical adultery, emotional adultery, and spiritual adultery.
And before I get into those three, I want to say that this is a super important topic because I believe that the effects of infidelity and the consequences of infidelity have repercussions that affect people at a deep, deep level. And so as we look at the Bible and we look at one of the commandments, a basic commandment, commandment number seven, that says thou shalt not commit adultery, uh,
found in Exodus chapter 20, verse 14. 13. It's also found in Deuteronomy chapter five, verse 18, and Leviticus chapter 18, verse 20. In the Old Testament, when someone committed adultery according to the laws of Scripture, it was punishable by death. You'll find that in Deuteronomy chapter 22, verse 22. Do you remember the story when the woman was caught in adultery in the times of Jesus and and the the leaders of the law dragged that woman out into the
public arena? And what did they have in their hands? They had stones. Uh, what were they practicing? They were practicing. They were fulfilling the Old Testament law and the Old Testament. It said if someone was caught in the act of adultery, dragged that person out into the main square or plaza, and that they were to be put to death by stones.
That's why Jesus was caught in such a A difficult predicament according to this religious people, because the Old Testament said they're worthy and they should be put to death. Yet Jesus was bringing in a gospel that introduced them into grace. Aren't you glad that you live under grace today? There'd be a lot of dead people in our society
if we weren't living under grace. But it doesn't take away from the fact that God and all his justice, views infidelity and adultery with such disdain because he understands the consequences that that can bring to any family and relationship. So in we all understand the fact that at the at the core issue of adultery is that adultery is the breaking of a covenant. In other words, what adultery is adultery is when a married person has illicit sexual
relationships with someone that is not that person's spouse. It is breaking of the marriage covenant. Adultery always involves an existing covenant and meeting the needs through an illicit relationship outside of that covenant. Almost every marriage ceremony that I do, the bride especially wants to ask me, well, how is the marriage ceremony supposed to go? Give me the details. Funny, the guy's never asked that. What am I supposed to stand? Give me the ring. Where's the honeymoon? Uh, the women
want to know the details. Like, where do the bridesmaids stand? And. And is the lighting of the candle before or after the vows? And, uh, how do we do the giving away of the bride and and and when should we do the music and how should we do the recessional and processional? And I always tell them this. Listen there. There's really no right way or wrong way to do a wedding ceremony. Now there's a traditional way of doing it, and you can look for the traditional way. I'm not
the expert on where people stand. Don't ask me about the details of that. All I know is that my part, the core of the wedding, is that you are going to stand face to face with one another, and you are going to promise on no more than that. You are going to covenant with each other some promises that you will be held to until death do you part. And I'm going to make sure that you're going to say those vows to one another in the presence of God, in the presence of these witnesses. If you want to
do cartwheels down the aisle as you come in. If you want to go barefoot and do ballet, dance, if you want to do rock music on the way out, I really don't care what you do in all the fluffy stuff. If you want dandelions, if you want roses, it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is at the core of that ceremony, you are pledging your faithfulness to one another until death do you part, because
there is a covenant that's established. And I know that when a couple walks out of that building, out of that church, out of that ceremony, that they will have walked out different than they walked in, because now they will be in covenant relationship with one another. And so whether you've been married two months or whether you've been married 25 years, the heart of the marriage ceremony is that you are pledging, and it happens in every wedding ceremony where you say, I will be faithful to you
and to you alone until death do you part. That's a covenant. God is always been the God of covenant. It's not just in marriage. God was the God of covenant with Abraham. Uh, God chose a man by the name of Abraham and said, I'm going to make a covenant with you. And we call it the Abrahamic Covenant. God made a covenant with David, King David, we call it the Davidic Covenant. A covenant means I promise to fulfill the things that I have told you I will fulfill.
And you, in turn, are to fulfill your promises to me. God told Abraham, I will make you a mighty nation, and I will bless all the nations of the earth through you. And that's when Abraham had no children and Abraham married and had a child who had other children. Eventually they grew into the nation of Israel, and God kept his promise with the entire nation of Israel. At that they would be his people, and he would bless them. And he made a and and David was part of that.
And David's lineage gave birth to Jesus the Messiah. And Jesus the Messiah eventually has blessed the entire earth, and that is God keeping his promise to Abraham, because God keeps his promises and because God keeps his promise and is a God of covenant, then he asks us to keep our covenants as well.
You're listening to Bold Steps with Mark job, and we'll return to our message shortly. Mark, do you know what I've been reflecting on lately? The incredible privilege we have as believers living in this particular moment in history. I love to study history, but never before have we had such powerful tools for sharing the gospel globally, instantly reaching people in remote villages. That happens through bold steps, doesn't it?
Or in close countries, in crowded cities alike. But we have this unprecedented opportunity and it comes with a tremendous responsibility, doesn't it?
You know, I heard recently that moody radio programming is, um, heard in 190 countries is what someone said. And, um, technology has allowed us to do that. And I'm amazed when suddenly we get a email from Eastern Europe of someone saying, hey, I haven't found a church yet, but I listened to Bold Steps recently. Someone told me that a doctor in Mexico had joined their church, and they got saved through bold steps. And I'm like, wow, this is amazing how seeds are just being shot throughout all
the world. We know specifically that there are people in closed countries right now that listen in secret, because it's dangerous for them to be caught listening to Christian radio. This is an amazing time to get the gospel out there. There are close to 9 billion people in the world, and there are millions and millions of people that have
very little gospel presence in their world. They are saturated with false religion, with heresies, with a lot of different ideology that does not allow Jesus Christ to come to the forefront. And so radio, podcasting, our technology as people can live stream, this is one of the ways that we get past the guards at the borders and we
through the airwaves. God has given us a beautiful gift to go past the guards, into the houses, into the homes, and right to into the bedrooms and kitchens of where people live so that they are hearing the good message of Jesus like never before. And we are passionate about this. We know that there's a lot of other believers that are passionate as well. And we're saying, join us, please.
This is a powerful moment for us to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ, especially as the world is being shaken in so many ways.
I believe there are some listening right now who are not just hearers of the word, but want to be active participants in spreading that word. So today could be your day to step into that calling by giving to bold steps. Just go to Bold Steps org to make a gift or call 800 D.L. Moody. That's (800) 356-6639. Remember, your gift of any amount helps share God's Word with
those who need it most. Really, around the world, when you give any amount, we'll send you a special gift as our thanks and we'll take time to tell you about that just a little bit later here in the program today. But let's get back to the message now. Here again is Mark.
Now. When we violate that covenant, it's called adultery. Adultery is. I've made a commitment to be loyal and faithful to you. But I choose to meet my needs, my most intimate needs outside of our relationship, because whatever reasons have drawn me outside of that relationship. So physical adultery is when a married person has sexual relationships with anybody other than their spouse outside of their marriage. That's called adultery. Mental
or emotional adultery. So we all understand that, right? Are we clear on that? No further explanation. That's physical adultery. Then there's what Jesus taught about where Jesus took it to another level. And you'll find that in Matthew chapter five, verse 27 through 28. Jesus talks about emotional or mental adultery, and Jesus speaks to his followers and he says, you have heard it, said, you shall not commit adultery. And
he's quoting the seventh commandment. And Jesus says in verse 28, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his own heart. Whoa, Jesus! Now you've just taken this to a whole new level. I mean, we understand having sexual encounter with a with a woman outside of marriage. But Jesus said what Jesus was telling them is, I want you to understand that not only is there physical adultery, but before there's physical adultery, there's
always emotional or mental violation or adultery as well. He talked about murder and and he said, thou shalt not murder. But I say he who has hatred in his heart towards someone has committed murder in his heart. What Jesus was saying is that you can be an adulterer before you actually commit the act of adultery. If in your heart you're already committing adultery because it doesn't just happen, it leads up to it. And Jesus is not only looking at the outside. The law looked at the outside.
Jesus looked at the heart. Now, it's not saying that to look at a woman and lust after her is the same consequence and severity as the actual act of adultery, physical act of adultery. But what Jesus was saying is that you cross lines within your heart. Some people have argued in the past, well, you know, I can look, I can Google as long as I don't touch. I've heard people say that. Well, you know, I could look, I could, you know, as long as as long as
I don't act, I'm okay. And what Jesus is saying. Hold on. No, no. Wrong. You can't if you're looking, if you're fantasizing, if you're if you're if you've gone there in your mind and your heart, you've already crossed the lines of an adulterous heart there because you're allowing yourself to go there. Just like when you have hatred against someone and you may not physically kill them. But if you hate them in your heart, then you're imagining
violence against them. You've already engaged in a murderous, murderous act in your own heart. And what Jesus was simply saying is that there's not only the physical act of adultery, but there's the adulterous heart as well that we have to guard against and repent of, just like we have to repent of the physical act of adultery. And by the way, can I just say this? Listen, no one
just falls in adultery physically. I've had the unfortunate experience of having to sit down with couples while a husband confesses to his wife his adultery, or when a wife confesses to her husband, her adultery, and the pain and the shock and the betrayal and the repercussions of that. It's always this nasty, heavy, uh, oppressive, difficult. The emotions, the spectrum, the recovery of the marriage. It's always, always extremely, extremely painful. But I want to say that it doesn't always.
It doesn't just happen. A married man just doesn't go out and. Oh, you know, I don't know how it happened. It just never thought about it. Never crossed my mind. And. Oh, honey. Forgive me. It just happened. Oh, it doesn't just happen. There's seeds. There's opening the doors. There's lust, there's fantasizing. There's flirtation that are not bridled. There's conversations that pass appropriate boundaries that are not held. There's lunches with, uh,
a married woman at work. Uh, there's, uh, sharing of emotional heart issues. There's secretive friendships and texting and Facebooking and stuff that shouldn't happen that you're you're you're secretively keeping from your spouse. And there's a build up that's happening there before the actual affair happens. And what Jesus was saying is that it happens in our heart first before we act on it. And so Jesus talks about the physical act of adultery, and then he talks about
the mental or emotional act of adultery as well. And by the way, I want to say that that we can be preventative and proactive at guarding our marriage. And part of that means, just like a dating couple, unless you're intentional and strong about setting boundaries and commitments in advance about the purity of your dating relationship, then chances are you will fall. Unless you are super intentional about the purity of your relationship. And I believe that the
same is true for marriage. That unless you determine in advance that you will guard your marriage and set boundaries and have honesty in your marriage and openness and not keep secrets from each other, then I think you're setting yourself up for a fall, unless you determine in advance that's the kind of relationship and marriage that we're going to have. And I believe that that's possible. I believe that every couple, every married couple needs to engage it
with that mentality. And then thirdly, I'm going to tie this all together in a moment. But thirdly, not only is there the physical act of adultery, the mental act of adultery, but then there's spiritual adultery. In James chapter four, verse four, the apostle James addresses people and he says, you adulterous people, he's talking to the church. Don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world
becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think that Scripture says without reason that His spirit has caused to live envies intensely? James is saying, do you know that you can commit spiritual adultery against God when you come to God and give your life over to God. You, in essence, are telling God, God, I'm in a covenant relationship with you. My life no longer belongs to me. You are the Lord of my life. Your Holy Spirit dwells inside of me. I belong to you, God. You
belong to me. And we are in relationship with one another.
This is bold steps. You're listening to the Bible teaching of Mark Jobe and a lesson on God's commandment. You shall not commit adultery. We'll pick up with part two of this message tomorrow, but feel free to visit today's lesson anytime online at Bold Steps. When you get there, you'll also have the chance to request your copy of this month's Bold Step gift Mark.
One of the most important things we can do for young girls is help them build their lives on truth.
That's true. Yes.
You know, I remember raising my one and only daughter, and when she got into almost in the tween years, I was just so concerned because the pressures are amazing, insurmountable. It felt like and felt very protective. So I'm excited that our Bold step gift this month tackles this vital topic.
It's written by Dannah Gresh. It's called Lies Girls Believe, and it follows up some earlier writing you've done. Dana for women. But you've lowered the age group here, haven't you?
Yeah, because the enemy has lowered the the the the target zone. Some of the things that today's 8 to 12 year old girls are grappling with, there are things that we didn't grapple with until we were in our well into our teens, 16, 17, 18 years old. And one of the things that's really concerning to me is how tweens, 8 to 12 year olds, that's the technical age group for tweens. They're like the guinea pigs in this gender experiment. They're really believing there's no difference between
boys and girls. They believe that I surveyed 1500 church going tween girls to write this book, and I did 11 focus groups across the country to talk to their moms. And they believe there's not a big difference between girls and boys. And that is just one stepping stone away from this can be a fluid thing in my life. They also, if they do believe there's differences, they have a hard time believing that it's great to be a girl.
You know, they're like, well, you know, it's hard to be a girl because of the way our bodies work, or it's hard to be a girl because we don't have the same opportunities as boys, or it's hard to be a girl because I'm athletic and I can't shoot hoops with the guys, and that doesn't seem fair. So these are really important lies. When you look at the fact that going back to Genesis, God says in the image of God, he created us male and female. He created them. There are so many things about us that
are God like. Why doesn't he mention our ability to compose sonnets or the fact that we're going to defy gravity and fly to the moon and then land rockets again on on planet Earth one day. Why doesn't he mention that now? He mentions maleness and femaleness. It matters. It's a conversation we've got to have, and we've got to have it accurately with our kids. And this book is just one tool to help you do that.
Boy, we could talk hours about this. And if you have a daughter, a granddaughter, your son or daughter is raising a a girl. In today's society, we would love to put this book in your hands.
Yeah. What a great gift to pass on. Dana. Thank you.
My pleasure. Thank you for letting me be a part of your month.
So to request your copy of Lies Girls Believe, just let us know where to send it and make a donation of any amount to bold steps you can easily give online at Bold Steps, or give us a call and make your donation over the phone by dialing 800 DL Moody. That's (800) 356-6639. You can also send your gift and request the book through the mail. Our address is bold.
Steps 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois 606 ten. And then please remember, it's not the size of your gift that matters, but that you give what God has put on your heart. And on behalf of the listeners across the country who hear this daily program, because of your generosity, we say thank you. Now, before we wrap up, I want to encourage you to download our Bold Steps app now in your app store. Explore our collection of engaging
videos and enlightening teaching series. Just search for the Bold Steps app and download this free app today. Well, that's all the time we have. Join us tomorrow when Mark continues with part two of this message. It's part of our series on rock solid Living, and it's coming up Thursday here on Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Bold steps is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.