Today on Bold Steps, Mark Jobe helps us recognize just how much our parental relationships impact our relationship with God.
I believe that some of you really do embrace who God has called you to be. To be able to love like God has called you, to love, to be able to impart to your children if you have them, or love your husband if you have one or your kids that you're going to have to deal with this father wound.
Welcome to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Mark is president of Moody Bible Institute and senior pastor of New Life Community Church in Chicago. I'm Wayne Shepherd. Mark, today you're going to help us understand that how we view our earthly father and mother can greatly influence how we see not only ourselves, but how we view and respond to God.
Yes. And this message, by the way, was delivered to about 800 women. So this was an all women audience. And every time I talk about the daughter, the father daughter factor, there is a deep, deep emotion. Invariably, women will begin to weep and cry because there's so much, uh, both so much good, yet so much sadness and brokenness around the father daughter factor. And so whether you have had a good or bad relationship with your father, I want you to know you've been deeply influenced by that.
But you have a perfect father now that wants to heal you and bring wholeness to your life, that this message is all about that.
Yeah. So whether you're a father or a mother, let's pay attention to God's Word here on bold steps.
You know, some of you heard me tell this story before, but my wife and I were married for about six years before we had our first child. I was busy in ministry a lot on our plate, and so I was okay with not having any kids. At the time. I wanted kids, but I was okay with it. My wife had this instinct, though, that the longer we were married, the more she just wanted to be a mother. She wanted a baby. And um, after a while we were doing everything we were supposed to be doing and having
fun doing it, but no baby was coming. So we finally said, you know something? Let's let's check this out. So we did our initial doctor's visit, but we decided the doctor said, yeah, we're going to have to do some more tests. Something's definitely wrong. And so we said, well, you know, we're going to go to the elders, ask them to pray for us. And so we went to
the elders. They anointed us with oil. They laid hands on us and they prayed that we would have a child, that God would open the womb and that we would have a child. And lo and behold, it was just a few, uh, a few weeks later that my wife, I walked in and there was this thing hanging with the balloon from the ceiling that I didn't quite understand what it was. And when I looked at it, it looked like a thermometer to me. And I said, what
is this? And she's like, I'm pregnant. And we were like, whoa, crazy excited, super pumped up about it. And then, of course, the journey begins. This was back in the day where you were. You had to go to, uh, like classes. And she said, well, are you going to come to birthing classes? I'm like, isn't that your department? Why do I have to go? I mean, no, that's the thing. You have to be the coach. And so naively, I said yes. So here I find myself down at Northwestern Hospital,
you know, with a bunch of other couples. And, you know, we're simulating birth. And so, you know, they're kind of coaching us rubber back and, you know, comforter. And then we have a little baby doll we're playing with. I'm like, hey, is shouldn't the doctor be doing this? I, I'm just going to be there. I don't I'm not supposed to know how I'm not giving birth. Right. But when it's all over, I got a t shirt that said coach. So I was like, I got this. So the day
came nine months into it. I've been talking to this little baby. They said it had the heartbeat of a boy. We didn't want to know until the baby was born, but they said it was kind of the heartbeat of a boy. So I'm like, hey, champ, hey, dude, you're going to come out, get ready, little man of God. So I'm talking got the name down and the day comes, she starts to go into labor pains. And she said, oh, I think it's I think it's coming. I said, well, babe,
I'm the coach, you know, let's time it. You know we don't do anything. You know I got this. We time it. No. You're okay. And then we're all smiling. We had our bags packed, and let's go get our bags and. Oh, wait. Oh, I feel it. And so I said, okay, we got this. And I went into another room, and then I heard this blood curdling scream come from the other room. And so I ran over. I said, are you okay? She said, I think I broke my back. And I said, no, baby, it's labor pains.
I think I broke my I said, maybe you did break your back, that we didn't cover this in coaching stuff. She was in back labor. And if any of you went through back labor, you know, so everything went dark from there. My dad actually drove us to the hospital, got in the car. He loved it because he could go through red lights. And so my mom and dad were in the front seat. We were in the back seat. I'm comforting. There's pain in her face, there's tears. And
we're on 294 going down to Northwestern Apprentice Hospital. And she looks at me. She's grabbing my hand real tight, looks at me, and she says to me, she says, Why is God letting me go through this? The pastor in me wanted to say, well, turn in your Bible to Genesis chapter three, because you know the curse. Before the curse, there was no there was no pain in childbearing. So I don't know how. I don't know how it was before the curse. I think people would gather in
a picnic and say, oh, she's going to have a baby. Oh, great. Go behind the tree. Oh. It's happening. Hey, I think it's coming out. Here it is. So I wanted to go there. I also wanted to say we prayed for this, remember? We prayed for this. But I looked in her eyes and I said, I don't know why you're going through this. I, I don't know, honey. We got to the hospital. 28 hours later. I was thanking God. Thank you. I'm a man, Lord. Thank you. I'm a man, Lord, and I don't have
to go through childbirth. Finally, 28 hours later, emergency C-section. They I'm watching what's happening because they have a little sheet there. She doesn't know what's happening, but I'm seeing, like, cut her open. I'm trying not to faint. I'm saying you're okay, honey. I'm looking. This is major. And they pull out this baby and the nurse says it's a girl. I said, it's a girl. Dee was kind of drugged, and she said, it's a girl. But I tell you what.
I actually cut the umbilical cord. It was scary. Like, I don't want to cut too close. I don't know, you cut it. No, I. But I have to tell you, the heart of a father was born that day. And I want to tell you something. It was like changing gears when it was a girl, because I went from buddy, hey, guy to like, this is my little girl. There was a male nurse in there. I want to say, get out of my room. This is my girl. She didn't have any clothes on. You know. What are you doing
in here? Totally a shift that happened to me. But for the first time in my life, for the very first time in my entire life, I felt the heartbeat of a father. I held my little baby girl. I have a picture here of when she was little. Right there. That's a little baby girl. I know you're saying. Oh, her and laughing at me, but. But that my little baby girl, little Marissa, was born, and I felt the
heartbeat of a father for the first time. And I can't even describe to you the powerful emotion, the deep connection, the sense of protection, the desire that she would know her value and her worth. The awareness that she's coming into a deeply troubled, chaotic, broken world. And that I was having to raise her in this crazy world with a lot of crazy people. As she grew every birthday, I'd write her a letter. When she turned one, I wrote her a letter because I wanted her to know
who she was. And the letter would go something like, you're only one year old right now. You don't even. You can't read this. But one day I want you to understand it. I want you to know who you are to me. You're starting to walk. You fall a lot, but we already see how bright you are. She grew up so fast. When she was ready to go to college, I went and made a copy of all those letters.
I was driving in the car with a copy of the letters I'd written her, and my wife called me and I was thinking, I'm sending her off to college. And I actually was crying like a baby when I was driving the car. My wife calls me and she says, hey, are you coming home? She said, what's wrong? My na go, go. I'll fast forward. But the day came that, um, I married her. I walked her down the aisle and then turned around and married her. We have a picture of her. Yeah,
that was her. Marissa. I think we have a. That was her at her wedding. And then I held it together because I did the ceremony, I did great. I just talked through it, and I told my wife how proud I was. Hey, I didn't break down. I talked through it. And then we had the first dance at the wedding. And I said to her, I said, I've been your covering for now. I've been your dad. I'm handing you over to your husband, though he's going to be your new covering. And then we both lost it.
We're slow dancing and we're crying again. Crying a lot. And, um. But recently, I had an experience that just reminded me of it. About six months ago, my daughter, she had a little baby boy already, but my daughter gave birth to her daughter. Little baby. Maeve. And I have to tell you something. I felt like it started all over. Like I'm holding this little baby and thinking, ah, this is a tough world you're being birthed into. And I want to talk to you about the heart of the
father for you. Because as much as I care for my daughter, it's nothing compared to the heart of the father for us.
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on YouTube and click the subscribe button. You'll find encouraging content that will help you take bold steps of faith all week long. Well, let's go ahead and get started with the second half of today's Bold Steps message. It's titled The Daughter Factor. And once again, here's Mark Jobe.
Some of you have lived all your life with a father wound. A wound that's deep. There's been abandonment by some. Sometimes there's brokenness. Some of you were raised not even knowing who your father was. Some of you didn't speak to your father for a long time. Sometimes there was emotional neglect. Sometimes there's physical, sexual, or mental abuse. And when I say, father, for some of you, it doesn't
elicit these warm feelings of. Yeah, father. And when you came to God and started to read the Bible, it wasn't like, oh, Father God, it makes you want to open up and say he's there. For some of you, the image of a father means someone that is always trying to make you measure up to something that you can't. It elicits feelings of shame, of not being accepted, of trying to earn something and never feeling quite like you
measure up. And I want to talk to you about that, because I believe that some of you really need to embrace who God has called you to be, to be able to love like God has called you, to love, to be able to impart to your children if you have them, or love your husband if you have one or your kids that you're going to have to deal with this father wound. The Bible tells us in first John chapter three, see what great love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.
And that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. See what great love the father has lavished on us. Some of you here have a real hard time connecting with the love of the father, because you've never experienced the genuine, powerful love of your earthly father. So there's a disconnect with with the Heavenly Father. And there's a void.
There's a vacuum. There's a neutrality there. If you were raised in a whole family with a loving father that nurtured, that spoke into your life, no father is perfect, but that spoke to your worth and spoke to your value, then you. Unfortunately, it feels like nowadays are the exception. The Bible tells us in John chapter 832 That we will know the truth, and the truth shall set us free. When the Bible says, the love of the father, and you have a disconnect with the love of the father.
It means that although you may hear the words God loves you, it rings void a bit. When there's a father vacuum in our life, it means oftentimes I've seen it go into several extremes. When there's a father vacuum. For some of you, it meant that you so desired the approval of a man that you didn't get from your father, that you threw out all your standards and you became obsessed with having a man see your value. And you would throw yourself into relationships that were toxic
and broken and unhealthy. Why? Because a man showed attention to you and it drove you to. I just want him to affirm me, value me, love me. And and people would say, why do you let him treat you that way? But so driven? Obsessed. Feeling incomplete with the man. Like I can't stand alone. Unless a man is there beside me. You know what often speaks to is the father vacuum. Amen. Others of you, because of the father vacuum and the hurt that's there, created barriers around yourself.
Holding people at a distance. No other man is ever going to hurt me like I was hurt. And so you're tough. Exteriorly hold people at a distance because you say I'll never be hurt again. Others, when you come into the church and you hear the term father and you sing about the father love of God, it's hard for you to look up into the heavens and with the radiance in your face, because you want to look down at your feet and what comes to your mind is you again. Why aren't you? And you come into
a place like this. And it feels like God is just scanning your sins and pointing them out one by one. And you feel shame and guilt and condemnation and not this incredible, powerful love of the father. That's called the father wound. Strongholds are built in our life. And oftentimes what happens with these strongholds is that, well, our life is kind of like this. We're a blank page. God has established households with a mother and father that love
us and speak into our lives to protect us. But what happens in many of our lives is that that protection that God has placed over us gets punctured. Abandonment, divorce, abuse, critical spirit, addictions. And what happens in our life is that the seeds of lies can be easily planted in your life. You're not worth anything. You'll never count. There's something wrong with you. And those lies get planted in us.
And those lies. Then stuff starts to grow. And let me tell you what happens is that those lies grow up and they get entangled around the core of our being. They affect our personality, how we talk, how we walk, who we hang with, who we date, how we marry, how we raise our kids. Because they've entwined themselves in our being. Lies have become. And for many of us, it's hard to distinguish what is truly me. And what is the lie that I'm that I've grown up with.
If you've ever been abused at a young age, sexually, verbally, physically, there are lies, especially by someone that was supposed to protect you. There lies that were deeply embedded in your being. And most women that I talk talked to have really never dealt with those issues. You wake up one day and you realize what's wrong with me. Well, nothing's wrong with you. What's wrong with you is that you have
allowed lies to inhibit some of your personality. You've allowed lies to so be entangled and enwrapped in who you are, that they do not let you function like the woman of God that he's called you to be. And here's what the Bible says. The Bible says you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
This is bold steps. You're listening to the Bible teaching of Mark job. Today's message titled The Daughter Factor. It's only part one, so make sure you listen tomorrow when we continue this lesson. Remember, you can always revisit these daily messages on our website. Bold steps.org. And you know, right now we're offering a bold step gift just in time for Mother's Day. That goes along with today's subject. Many parents wonder how to help their daughters navigate the
challenging tween years. That's why I'm grateful for this book. Lies. Girls believe. Mark.
Yeah, we have the author, Dana Gresh, with us today in our studio, and I'm so excited about this resource because I think it's so needed. And so, Dana, tell me, uh, how does this book help facilitate, like conversations between specifically maybe a mother and her 11 year old daughter?
That is the whole point of it. My heart beats for parents to be in the driver's seat of their moral development, their faith development, because God's Word tells us it's not the pastor. It's not the Christian author. It's not the Sunday school teacher. It's it's mom and dad who are meant to teach them biblical truth. And I guess the best way to answer your question is to sort of share a story of what happened. One of the lies in that book is I'm a Christian because.
Fill in the blank. And when I surveyed these 1500 tween girls to write the book, they would say things like, I'm a Christian because mom and dad are or I'm a Christian because I go to church or I'm a Christian because I was born one. Those, of course, are not biblical definitions of what defines Christianity or being a follower of Jesus. They have to understand their sinfulness. They have to believe that Jesus died on the cross in, in,
in punishment for that sinfulness. And they have to say it with their mouth that they believe and receive him as their Savior. And so this girl is reading this book, and she turns to her mom, and she's like, mom, I read this in the book today. I don't think I'm a Christian. And they pulled to the side of the road. Mom and daughter have a conversation right there. Mom gets to participate in this sweet girl coming to the throne of Jesus for the first time in authenticity,
surrendering her heart to Christ. And they're able to drive home and tell dad, guess what? She really is a Christian now. I hear stories like that every day as the girls identify these lies, they have a eureka moment. And then they go to mom because the book is telling them, Go to mom.
Yeah, I love that. Love it, love it, love it. So, Wayne, if one of our listeners wants to get this book, can you tell us how?
I sure will. We will send a copy of Lies Girls Believe. When you make a donation of any amount to support Bold steps, just call us at 800. D.L. Moody. That's 803 56, 66, 39 or give online at Bold Steps. And you can also send your gift through the mail. Write to us at 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois
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at Bold Steps. Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks for joining us. I'm Wayne Shepherd, inviting you to come back tomorrow, and we'll continue our message titled The Daughter Factor. Don't miss Friday's edition of Bold Steps with Mark Jo. Bold steps is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.