Today on Bold Steps, Mark Jobe explains that God is calling you to fight for your family's future.
So I want to challenge you to look at your son and daughter and think to yourself, they have a calling and a purpose and assignment of God. Since they're young, you need to train them that way, and the more I can align them, the more they'll discover their assignment.
Welcome to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe, senior pastor of New Life Community Church and president of Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. At what age do you stop fighting for the future of your family when your kids graduate from high school, college, when they get married and leave your house? Well, if you're like most of us, our family lives doesn't
cease the moment our children turn 18. And as we continue with part two of our message called fighting for Your Family's Future, we'll discover that if your family is functioning as God has designed, it doesn't matter how old your children are. The enemy is going to have a target on your backs. Our message comes from Ephesians chapter six and to introduce the study as our Bible teacher, Mark job.
The first consequence, or the first benefit, is that it will go well with you. How many of you, how many of you are here and say, you know I want success and longevity? The Bible is saying that the consequences of honoring your father and your mother is that it results in success and longevity. Listen, it's not only talking to 16 year olds or 14 year olds, it's also talking to 45 year olds. Come on now. What does honor mean? You give weight to what she says.
How do you honor you? Honor? By calling her up and letting her know that you appreciate the fact that she brought you into the world. You honor her by listening to her. Even though she may not always make sense. You honor her by valuing her, by appreciating her, by. By making sure you call her up on her birthday. Acknowledge her on Mother's Day. You honor her by letting
her know she's important. That's honor. And the Bible says that part of honoring it releases something into your life that when you honor it, allows you to do better in your life. And it actually extends the days of your life. So there's a promise attached to it. There's a spiritual repercussion that falls upon your life when you honor your parents success, that it may go well with you, and longevity that you may live a long life here
on earth. Number two, not only is there a battle for our heart if you're fighting for your family, but number two, there's a battle for the head. If you're going to battle for the destiny of your family, you need to battle so that you align yourself under the authority that God has placed under you. And by the way, this. If you don't teach a child in their early days to respect their parents, then they will not. They will not respect their teachers. They will not respect their bosses.
They will not respect people in their family. They will live a life of disrespect, of very little disrespect towards towards those that God has placed above them. And they will have very little respect for God Himself. As you're teaching your children to obey and teaching your child to honor those that are in authority, you're also teaching them
what it means to obey God. There's a powerful principle in that teaching them to obey God and submitting themselves to the life that God has called them to live. The second thing is for their head. Notice what it says in In the following verse it says fathers. By the way, that word, particularly in the Greek, is a is a word that could be translated parent. It's not exclusive to men. It says it's fathers. It could be translated husbands and wives or mothers and fathers. Fathers, do
not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. So first of all, it says to the children, hey, learn what it means to come under authority. Learn what it means to align yourself under God's umbrella of protection. Then it speaks to the parents and it says, you know, as a parent, do not exasperate your children. The word exasperate means to cause anger in them that leads to rebellion. Do you know that as a parent, you can exasperate your child
and push them towards rebellion. You say, well, pastor, how does that work? In a commentary on Colossians, John MacArthur lists nine ways that parents exasperate their children in this way and see if any of these apply to you. Number one Overprotection. You know that you can be overprotective as a parent. Have you ever heard of helicopter mothers? Some of you, your son is already 49 years old. Mijo, aren't you going to change the sweater? Aren't you going
to put a jacket on? It's way too cold. Mom, I think I could dress myself. No, no, no. Go. Go change. Come on. Go change. Go get the other one. There's an appropriate protection that we need to have over our children, but there's an appropriate release as they get older.
And if you try to micromanage your children over, micromanage your children and control everything they do, then your children will get to a point sometimes that they will bristle at it from overprotection protection and over micromanagement of their life. Especially mom. If your son is getting older and trying to step into manhood and feels like you're treating him like a little boy, he's going to bristle at that. Because the natural event is that you let your son
become an independent man. But if you continue to treat him as a little boy, they're going to start bristling at the overprotection of mothers. Come on, mom, I'm talking to some of you now. And so there's an appropriate level of protection, but there's an appropriate level of release that needs to happen in our life so that we don't push them towards a heart of rebellion. Number two favoritism.
If you are raising children and you have the tendency to compare your children with one another, you are sowing seeds of of exasperation in your heart. In other words. Can I tell you what never to do? Never never, never, never, never ever say this. Miho. Why can't you be more like your brother? Look at him. He never causes trouble. Miho, be like your brother. Don't compare your children. Number three, never depreciate their worth. I know your kids can frustrate you.
How about it? Sometimes. But if you lose your cool, lose your temper, and you start saying you're never going to amount to anything, you're a loser. Just like the father that left you with your ex. My ex-husband. You're going to end up like him if you devalue the worth. You're dumb. You're never going to do it. You'll be a failure. You'll never amount to anything. You can't make it. I can't believe you're this. You're not a man, man. I'll be a man. You're just a little baby. You
need to take on responsibility. Words like that. They belittle a son or a daughter, and they start creating a resentment in their heart towards you that could lead to exasperation that leads to a heart of rebellion. Those words usually come out in anger, usually come out in frustration. But when you belittle your children, especially if you embarrass them in front of other people or call their names in front of people, it can lead to a heart of rebellion that wants to get away from authority and
sow seeds in that area. It can lead to exasperation. Number four unrealistic expectations. When you set the bar so high and no matter what they do. Hey, mom, I got straight A's. Yeah, but it wasn't A+. When you set the bar so high and it's always what they haven't accomplished, and you can't celebrate the accomplishments that they have accomplished, then it tends to exasperate them. Number five
failing to show affection. Listen, there's a part of our parenting that needs to have the power to show warmth and affection. How do you show affection? You show affection by your words. You. You show affection by physical affirmation as well. Some people are really good at this and some people are terrible at it. I sat down and talked with a father who weepingly told me I have four daughters and I've never told them that I'm. He said I'm bad at telling them that I love them.
I'm bad at hugging them. I said, how bad are you at it? He said, I've never done it once in my life. And he wept with sadness at the fact that he had never hugged his daughters, never told him, honey, I love you. And I said, bro, you need to break that cycle big time. Your daughters will be running to the arms of the first man that gives them affirmation. If they can't figure out that you love them, that you care for them, that the first man that they ever love is you.
You're listening to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Now, don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with the remainder of today's powerful message after a brief break. If our program has made a difference in your life, we'd be thrilled to hear about it. We deeply value your testimonies, your questions, prayer needs, and occasionally we feature them right here on the air. And Mark, I'd like to share one of those.
This is a heartfelt voice message we recently received from a listener named Matt, who's reaching out with a prayer request.
Hi, my name is Matt and I'm in Georgia. I was recently recently got out of prison in October. I've been listening to Doctor Jobe for a couple of years now. I guess he's helped me a lot. He's really helped me a lot. And, um, just I'm asking for some prayer as well. Um, trying to get back on my feet, So thank you for the ministry and thank you for the bold steps, the Moody Radio app and just pray for me and my family, please.
Thank you Matt, thank you for leaving that message. First of all, I want to say, in my ministry for years I've mentored, worked with, dealt with, especially men that are recently out of prison. And I, I know you know this, but it's not easy. It's a new chapter. There's a lot of the same old temptations out there. But I want to let you know, Matt, I want to encourage you. You have power in Jesus Christ to overcome your past. You have been called to be a
cycle breaker. What you were does not determine who you'll become. So I want you to find a good church. I want you to get involved in a Bible study. I want you to look for a mentor. Be honest with them and tell them I'm changing. But I need help to be able to walk in this direction, get plugged into a community, don't get sucked back into the old friends, keep accountable. And three years from now, you're going to look back and say, I don't even recognize the mat
that I am right now. So, father, I pray for Matt. Give him strength, encouragement, give him a boldness that he didn't know he had, and give him the sense God of of your presence, God, even at this dark time. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen.
Man, I so appreciate your phone call and like Matt, you have a story to tell. You may have a question. You certainly probably have a prayer request you'd like to share with bold steps. Simply visit our website bold steps. Org. Or as Matt did, give us a call and leave your message on a recorded line. It's great to hear your voice. (312) 329-2011. We'd like to prevent this from being a one way conversation. Call us at (312) 329-2011 and you can email us bold steps at Moody's. Mark, thank you
for that prayer. Let's pick up now with today's message. You've titled fighting for Your Family's Future.
So you need to show your kids affection. Listen, your kids aren't too old for you to show affection to them. Some of us are real good at showing affection when they're young, but when they're old, we sort of get nervous about it. And I know your kids don't like as they get older, especially young men showing affection. I used to threaten my boys when I dropped them off at school. At high school. Hey. Come over, watch it. I'm going to give you a big kiss on the
cheek and a big hug. They said, dad, don't you know people are looking? Number six. Lack of standards. You know, there's something about setting standards in your household that give kids a security and a compass for right or wrong. Kids that grow up with no standards, no rules. No you can you can't that are just given freedom here. There's food in the refrigerator and a remote on the table. I'll see you tomorrow. They grow up with a sense of I don't know what's right or what's wrong, and
it creates a greater sense of insecurity. Not security in their life. If you have no standards or rules that everybody knows, these are the rules of our household. Number seven criticism. When you're constantly negative, negative, negative, negative about everything that they do. In fact, can I give you this rule? Listen, parents, I know it's easy at certain ages just to say, pick up your clothes, wash. Don't do this. Do the dishes, do your homework. How come
you're doing this? Don't stay out too late. What are you watching? And you can feel like a real nag. And so here's what I want you. I encourage you to do. For everything negative that you say I want you to put in your mind. And I'm going to say something positive. I realize at a certain stage of my children's life that we were saying, don't, don't, don't do, do, do. How come, how come, how come? And I realize that it sounded really always picking on them. And so we determined.
My wife and I determined. We sat down and we said, we're going to try it for every negative thing that we say, for every instructive thing that we say, we're also going to try to do a positive thing as well. Some days we really had to try to struggle with a positive thing to say. Number eight neglect. And that self-explanatory. But your kids need you. Period. Number nine excessive discipline. On the other hand, sometimes there's a lack of standards
on the other side, sometimes there's excessive discipline. Some of you grew up old school and your parents used excessive discipline. Physical discipline like they would be in jail today. I hear some of the stories, like with what kind of stick and how bloody were you and. And so there's appropriate discipline and there's conversational discipline. There's a lot of creative disciplines, but but excessive discipline can also create a sense of exasperation in the kids that can lead to rebellion.
And so he says, fathers, do not exasperate your children, but instead, and he gives the opposite. These things exasperate your children. That lead them to anger and that lead them oftentimes to say, I don't care about my parents, don't talk to me. I don't want to know what you say. And lead to this, this adversarial relationship with your parents. But he says instead, the opposite of that, he says, is to bring them up in the training
and the instruction of the Lord. So instead of exasperating them by practicing these things, do the opposite and invest in their lives by doing two things, by making sure that you're training them, and two, making sure that you're providing instruction in the Lord. Remember alignment positions you for assignment. Each of your children have a calling and a destiny of God. If they get seeds of rebellion in their heart, they'll run from their calling. They'll run from their assignment.
It may take them a long, long time before they they circle back to their original calling. So I want to challenge you to look at your son and daughter and think to yourself, my son and my daughter, they have a calling and a purpose and assignment of God. Since they're young, you need to train them that way. God has a purpose and a plan and an assignment for them, and the more I can align them, the more they'll discover their assignment. What does training mean? Training
has the idea of corrective discipline. Hebrews chapter 12 verse 11 says no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful later on. However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. I'm talking about boundaries and consequences. That's how we train people. Repetition, boundaries and consequences. Listen, I've had mothers sometimes bring their sons to me and say, could you cast the demon out of my son? Because he he just he's out
of control. Can I tell you, nine times out of ten, there's no demon. They don't need exorcism here. I know they act like it sometimes, but what they really need is your consistent training and discipline in the house. The reason that your sons and daughters don't listen to your rules is because you have rules. But there's little to no consequences if they break the rules. Or there's consequences if you're mad, but not when you're not mad. Consistent
discipline with consequences, shapes and effects our behavior. And then lastly, it not only says train, but it says instruct. The idea of instruction has to do with teaching. This is a positive impartation into their life by what you say and by how you live. Let me be clear about this. The church is a support to the family. But listen, moms and dads, it's not the church that trains your child to be a follower of Jesus. You. You train
your children to be followers of Jesus. We have them on an hour and a half on Sunday morning and Sunday school. You have them all week long. We can support, we can encourage. But the biggest influence on your children at this stage of life is you. So I would encourage you and challenge you to impart into their life. If your children are small. Small? Can I tell you this, fathers, there's. I want to strongly, strongly urge you to. Every evening, be at home for dinner and have have a family
dinner together, especially if your children are small. I want to challenge you to that. And at your family dinner when your children are sitting around the table, talk. Turn off the television. There's no radio, there's no television. You're not all sitting at the family table looking at the middle. No, no, no. You're you're sitting there talking with each other. And some of you, I want to challenge you to even go
further than this. If you're a dad, I'd like for you to be the guy that prays over the meal. I'd like for you to initiate. I'd like for you to say, hey, we're going to bow our heads right now,
and we're going to thank God for this meal. And some of you, if your children are small, still and at home, I want to challenge you to pull out the children's Bible and say, hey, kids, we're going to read a Bible story right now because your children need to see the man in the house getting into the Word of God, reading the Bible, and taking initiative in spiritual things. I want your little boys to grow up knowing that men, real men, can be leaders of their household.
I want them to grow up knowing that. Yeah, my dad prays and reads the Bible and he's a man's man. I want your kids to know that. I want them to see that. I want men to step into that role and realize that they have that call upon their life as well. Train them and teach them in the ways of God. I believe that God is calling some of you. To fight for the destiny of your family. You may be a son, or a daughter, or a parent or a grandfather. You may have siblings that have
walked away from God. You may have children that are prodigal right now, you may feel like your family is falling apart. And I want to ask you this question who's going to stand in the gap and say, I'm going to fight for the destiny and future of my family? Some of you need to break the cycle of rebellion. It's been handed down over and over and over to you.
You look around at your cousins and your nieces and your nephews and other people, and they made a mess of their life at an early age or are going down wrong patterns. And listen, someone in your household needs to say, we're going to break the cycle of rebellion. We're going to break the cycle of rebellion. We're going to raise a new generation that's not full of teen pregnancy, and not full of divorces, and not full of addiction and not full of depression and people that are making
a mess of their life in an early age. We're going to break the cycle in Jesus name, and we're going to start a new cycle in my family, in my household that will last for the next 20 generations. In Jesus name. We're going to do that.
The Bible teaching of Mark Jobe on bold steps. Mark, you mentioned earlier that it's not possible to know every situation, but I'm sure for most families who are dealing with rebellion, there is a cycle that needs to be broken here.
Yes. And if you listen to Bold Steps for a while, you've heard me say we're raising a generation of cycle breakers, legacy makers, in part because I know that there's a lot of listeners that have never seen a healthy marriage up close. You weren't raised in a family that followed. God, you're a first generation believer. And so it's up to you to break some cycles that are toxic and start a legacy that is godly. And I believe that God is doing that in a lot of lives.
Yeah. Thank you Mark. To revisit or share today's message or find more Bible teaching content from Mark Jobe, just go to our website, Bold Steps. And then while you're on our home page, be sure to request a copy of our latest Bold Step gift. This is a special book that really ties into our message and fighting for
your family. It's called lies Girls Believe because young girls today face unprecedented challenges as they navigate a world flooded with confusing messages about who they are and what they should believe in. Her transformative book lies, Girls Belief, Dannah Gresh provides girls ages 7 to 12 with essential spiritual armor, identifying and dismantling 20 deceptions with life giving biblical truth
with vibrant illustrations, some compelling stories, and interactive elements. This resource not only captures young readers attention, but equips them with foundational truths they will carry into adulthood. Reserve your copy. This must have guide by contributing to bold steps today. Just go online to bold steps and request lies. Girls believe. Or call us at 800. That's 66639. Or if it's easier, you can send your donation and request for the book
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going all weekend long. Don't miss it! To find out when and how to listen to Bold Steps Weekend, just go to Bold steps.org. I'm Wayne Shepherd, inviting you to join us tomorrow for a very special in-studio program here on Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Bold steps is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.