Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick out the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.
Welcome. Look for Bleeding Daylight on Facebook and Instagram, and listen to other episodes at bleedingdaylight.tnet. Please share Bleeding Daylight with others. If God heals, why do some continue to suffer? Is there a way to find purpose in the pay? Today's guest continues to find a way forward in the midst of struggle. How do you deal with decades of living with a limiting incurable sickness? How do you believe in a good God when your life has been
marked by depression, anxiety and self harm? Lauren Roskilly has authored the books, Christian Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,
Prayers and Prompts for Journaling, and her most recent publication, Breaking Chains, as well as co authoring three additional books. She shares her own story and walks with others facing struggles through Mindful of Christ Ministries. I'm so pleased that she's my guest today. Lauren, thank you so much for your time today.
Thank you so much for having me, I'm pleased to be here.
You do spend a lot of time helping others face very difficult life journeys, but I want to begin by understanding more of the roads that you've had to travel. Tell me about the sickness that you faced, and the difficulties that it has brought.
It began when I was 14, I just started fainting, basically, I would just blacked out, sometimes 3, 4, 5 times a day, since the age of 14. So for a long time, I was in and out of hospitals having tests done. And I didn't know what the problem was, it came and went in seasons. Occasionally, it'll stop for a year, maybe 18 months, sometimes even two years, then it just came back. It was difficult,
like in the times where it was bad. And I was having those episodes, it was very limiting on my life. And also not knowing what it was what the problem was, was really hard to I didn't get the diagnosis until five years ago. And that's when they told me it was called neuro cardiogenic syncope. And at the same time, the consultant told me that there wasn't a cure or treatment for it, either.
You say that you didn't know, and that was part of the problem. It must be very difficult to continue navigating life and at the same time thinking, I really don't know what this is, and I don't know what turns it's going to take I don't know what more it's going to produce in my life. Was that part of the difficulty for you in facing that illness?
Yeah, absolutely. And that whole not knowing has been a big part of my battle, even in recent times. And it was the not knowing and not understanding, which was my biggest issue. And I really had to learn to not necessarily accept but understand that it is what it is sort of thing. And it was how I responded to it. That was what I really had to learn.
I imagine in those early days, you would have thought, Well, this was something that I've got at the moment. I can't wait to get over it expecting that it was not something that would go on this long.
Yeah, absolutely. I'm 40 now. So it has been a long time. And as I said, I have had periods where it's eased up. So I kind of did get on with life. I managed to go through college. I've got two kids, I got married, I was able to do those things. And I suppose the toughest part of it was about four or five years ago, it finally stopped again, long enough for me to do my driving lessons and
pass my test for the first time. I did my lessons pass my test and was driving. I was working for a Christian charity. It had been a few years since my ex husband had left and things looked good air quotes there. And it started again and it really put me into that pit of depression again, it was that whole not understanding, not knowing I think all of that really, that really was the biggest impact,
Difficult at any age, but I imagined back when it first started happening when you were 14 in those teenage years, we're just forming who we are becoming to understand what the world is all about, and trying to find our way. And especially in those years, we don't want to be different from those around us. So how did that affect your life in that way, socially, back when you were 14, and these things started happening to you?
It was a struggle. It began just as I started a new school as well. The second to last year of school, the exams like GCSEs were happening. And so you school just started, this fainting started, it really was a challenge socially. When I first started the school, I started gradually making new friends. But then, when the syncope started, it didn't had an effect I was ended ended up being bullied for
a little while as well. So it was difficult because yeah, obviously I was it limited me the things that I could do, getting out and being how society perceives a teenager to be going out and meeting up with friends and just normal, everyday teenage activity. It wasn't like that for me.
I imagine the first time that you had that break from it when those finding spells subsided, and you started to feel normal again, you must have thought Finally, I've beaten it. how devastating was it? When it started to come back again?
Oh, gosh, you know what, I think my brain must have blocked out those early days. But since then, it has been a struggle. I had a period of three and a half years where it was so bad, I couldn't leave the house on my own. When I finally started trying to get out the house, I thought I'd take a wheelchair up at a hassle on is like stop relying on other people's like, come on. It's been a few months now
I've got to be able to get out. So I went out. And I was told by a stranger on the bus that I was healed. I got rid of the wheelchair, I got rid of everything. And I started living life. I took the kids on holiday, I went abroad on my own. So last year, I was away with friends. And it happened again. And so I was in hospital for 10 days, 105 miles away from home, and it started again. And that was really
the biggest mindset struggle, because I believed I was healed. That was the biggest challenge, I suppose with how I responded to that, which was, I've believe the hardest time for it to come back, because like I said, I believed I was healed.
So many people when they are facing difficulties. Once they've reached the end of the road of those difficulties, then they're able to look back and say, This is how it was it got difficult. But now it's resolved. And I'm moving on yet for you, you're in a very different
place. And I guess a place that a lot more people can identify with in that, hey, I'm still in the midst of this yet. I'm finding hope. When was it that you started to find hope in the midst of this and then starting to reach out to bring hope to others facing their own difficulties?
Well, it was actually four years ago, the fainting was still happening. After I got the diagnosis, and told her couldn't drive any more. I went into a state of depression even even though I was a Christian while I was in that valley, I suppose. And I knew God was real. But yeah, I was still I was heartbroken. I suppose I was grieving in a way because well, I'd had my freedom taken away
without sounding too dramatic. But that was actually the case first floor flat, not being able to get out on my own. I kept smacking my head was kept suffering with concussion. So I really was grieving. And on top of that, I didn't really help myself because I felt like I wasn't being the mum that I should be. Those should words, lethal. And now after having the training that I'm doing, so I
went through CBT myself. I had to resubmit my life to God because I got to the point where I was done wanting to be in control needing to be in control, but it wasn't happening. And I needed to let go, let go of that desperation of wanting to be better and that I couldn't do that for myself. As a result, I was self harming. And in hindsight, I can see that that was the, that desperate need to be in
controls was part of that. And so I had to, like I said, resubmit and resubmit under my life to God, where I'd been a Christian at that point for 14, 15 years. He was part of my life. But there were different areas, which I hadn't given up to him, and one of them was was my health. So anyone listening today, we need to let God into every area of our life, there might be some areas that we might want or need to
be in control of which we're not. We can be worried and anxious or fearful, whatever it is, we need to give it to God and trust Him in whatever it is that is going on in our life. And I spent him days so bad that even sitting at the table, I'd blackout or sitting on the floor of the shower or blackout, my daughter was looking after me. So I ended up spending 10 days in bed, because just sitting up right I
would still blackout. I'd spent so long, being depressed and asking the questions Why Why me really feeling sorry for myself. And I turned the question around, and I asked the Lord, what is the point in this Lord? What is the point? What is the plan? What could what can I learn in this? And He answered me, and that was the first time I heard him almost audibly. He said, Jeremiah 2911. And at that time, I didn't
know what it was. So I looked it up. And it basically says, I have plans for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope, and a future. As incredible that as that was, I mean, the Lord's he says that to everyone that's listening today. So if you're listening, then he has plans for you, too. My reaction to that was, I was amazed. But I scoffed, I didn't believe what I think, really, I couldn't
understand how that could happen. But again, that comes back to us, isn't it, we need to stop limiting his ability and plans for our lives and let go of that control and let him take control. And he asked me to start blogging. And that's when he asked me to start writing the first book as well. And all I knew at that point was that it was meant to be about faith and mental health. The next four years that happened over
the last four years that had happened is just been absolutely incredible, as his plan started unfolding. And yeah, so it started with the blog, and the first book Christian based cognitive behavioral therapy. As I said, I didn't know how it was going to look at the time, I just had to keep on submitting, keep on surrendering, and keep on listening. And not just listening but obeying His direction and guidance for my life. One
of the tools that God has used in your life is that CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, and whilst it's become a lot more well known over recent years, there's probably some people listening at the moment who still don't know quite what that term means. So can you give us a thumbnail sketch of what CBT is all about?
CBT is actually one of the top talking therapies. And what CBT does is it's about changing our thought processes. It's like rewiring our thoughts and beliefs. So say for instance, we have negative thoughts or thoughts or beliefs that are limiting us. So I will use my own story as an example. I used to believe that I was useless. I used to believe that I was unloved. I used to believe that
I was a burden. What CBT does is help me to retrain my thinking. Basically, in summary, it's changing the way we think.
I know that there would be some people, some Christians especially who would say all that, that sounds like it could be dangerous, trying to change the wiring of our mind. And yet, when we listen to that internal voice, oftentimes it is saying things that don't match up with what God says. About us. So I imagine that when you're dealing with this idea of Christian CBT, we're actually trying to align ourselves with what God is already wanting us to know about ourselves and the world, and him.
Absolutely, absolutely. And that is, in a nutshell, and the scripture for the whole ministry, mindful of Christ Ministries is Romans 12, to so being transformed by the renewing of our minds, so we can know the good and pleasing and perfect will, that being transformed, like, I've spoken to so many people that believe the phrase, the leopard can't change it spots. Some people believe that,
that they're stuck, and that is the way they are, that is the way they think. And change isn't possible. God says, Scripture says that we can change, we can be transformed. And that verse right there is literally we can be renewed, our minds can be renewed. The Bible has it right,
throughout what I do I help clients come out of those thoughts, those beliefs that are actually impacting their relationship with Christ. I talk a lot and help a lot of people through identity, people that perhaps belief that they're no good, or they haven't got a purpose, or no one loves them, you know, all these different things. This like the phrase, the imposter syndrome, or limiting beliefs, but I can't go and
ask someone, do you have limiting beliefs? Because if people believe that that is just them, it's their truth. So you can't, I can't, as a coach, I can't say to someone, do you have limiting beliefs because it's their truth. When I work with them, it's the way we talk, the exercises, we go through the questions I asked them to start flagging up how people really perceive themselves, other people
and the world around them. And it's about changing that in alignment with with God's word, and who God says they are.
I find it kind of funny that, as you say, throughout Scripture, there are references to the fact that we can change. And again, this is not just turning over a new leaf, but transformation through Christ. And we're told again, and again, that change is possible. And it seems that it's only been in the in the last couple of decades, for instance, that we've learned a whole lot more about the
idea of neuroplasticity that our minds don't suddenly close over and we can no longer change. But that right throughout our lives, that change is possible, within our minds about the way that we think about ourselves the way we think about God the way we think about the world around us. And I guess CBT actually is something that goes hand in hand with that. Neuroplasticity that we can actually change change is possible. And that's great news for us.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
So tell me about the books that you've written. You've written that first book, as you mentioned, on CBT. But you've written a couple of others, I guess it's become a bit of a habit for you to start writing that you've got into the swing. And God has given you that purpose. In the same way that you asked him. What's the plan here, Lord, what, what are you trying to teach me and he's put his
finger right on it, that He's given you a purpose to reach out to others that are facing difficulty as well. That must be incredibly refreshing and renewing for you knowing that even in the midst of this, God has a purpose.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Even now, just I've days where I'm feeling, perhaps not 100%. And I might have a client. As soon as I get on that call with that client. It just lifts me up. All my clients are Christians. And so we start with prayer. And with writing the books as well, I didn't intend me personally. Noren did not intend to writing and publishing books. It was purely God led, and it's like
this recent book, I certainly didn't want to write it. It's a matter of him and his guidance. Whenever he prompts me, I sit down and write I don't think right, it's on my schedule. Yes, I do have schedules. Yes, I do plan and the Lord has helped me with that. But when it comes to writing these books is purely for him. And so it needs to be led by the Holy Spirit is it's not my strength, or my wisdom, it is purely from him. Thank you, Lord.
And it must be incredibly encouraging when you have one of those clients that you're walking through the sorts of things that you're walking them through. And they suddenly get that moment where it starts to dawn on them, hey, look, there's something in this. And they start to see that change that Christ is bringing into their life. Tell me about that for you. What does that mean for you,
when you see that person who you've walked along with, as you say, you can't tell them, they have limiting beliefs. But as they start to realize that for themselves, and start to realize who they are in Christ, it must be amazing for you.
Oh, it's so nice. And that's what it's about. That was part of his plan to use my experience to help others. And so just the other week, I was going through this exercise with a client, we were talking about uncovering those beliefs specifically, once we uncovered them, we then look at the evidence for and against it, which helps to break down those thoughts and beliefs. And as we were going
through this exercise, my client just started laughing. It was an aha moment. She was just started laughing. She was laughing at herself. She couldn't believe that she believed what she believed. After having a look at the evidence and breaking it down, and the work we were doing together, she realized that that wasn't right. That wasn't who God says who she was. It can go one of two ways. Some people can
laugh, some people can be quite. Oh, dear, did I really think that way, they actually become quite ashamed. But again, that's another thing that we can then go and work on. Either way, it's definitely seeing that realization in their face that this actually isn't true. I've believed this for so long. I've worked with people that have been believing the same thing for 1020 30, even 40 years of those beliefs that have
been limiting them all that time. Oh, it's incredible. And I praise and thank the Lord, I can be part of this and help other people in his kingdom. So yeah, I'm privileged, I'm honored that he can use me for that.
Obviously, as we've already outlined, you face significant physical difficulties, which are then led to mental health difficulties with depression and self harm. But not everyone goes through that. But I'm quite sure that even if someone has not been through a difficult road like that, there are beliefs that we all have about ourselves that often need to be challenged. And so your books,
and your website, your YouTube, they are all actually feeding into wherever we are in life. Because we all face some of those beliefs, I imagine that what you're writing is not just having an effect for those who are facing great difficulties, like you have Buffett just every ordinary day, Christians who want to get a better handle on what God says about them.
This latest book is called Battle Strategies for Spiritual Warfare. It's about that spiritual warfare that we're going through. The enemy has all sorts of tactics and strategies and attacks up his sleeve in which he attacks all of God's children with, so
there's always going to be something that we need to deal with. The amazing thing is that God has given us the, the tools, or shall I say the weaponry in order to face that and stand against that not forgetting the most important thing, we are on the winning side, if we are Christians, as children of Him, if we are born again, then we are on the winning side. So no matter what life throws at us, or the enemy
throws at us, the end is written. We read about it in Revelation, don't we? And God will win.
Lauren I'm sure that there are people listening at the moment who say, I really need to hear more about this. I recognize that there are some things that internal voice that tells me that I'm no good or tells me when I mess up and makes me feel worse. And I know that that's not what is in Scripture, so I need to find out more. What is the easiest way for people to be in touch with you.
Come over to me Our Website, if you go to the coaching page, you can book in a time with me. I will offer free consultation free half an hour consultations or you can find me on Facebook Lauren roskilly or mindful of Christ, we have the page, we've got a community group over there, also on Instagram and LinkedIn as well. I
will add links in the show notes at bleeding daylight.net so that you can find them easily and be in touch with Lauren. But I just want to say thank you so much for being open about your journey, but also for the help that you're giving to so many people. So Christ centered and bringing them to a place of understanding who they are in Christ. It's been a real joy to speak to you and I thank you for your time.
Thank you so much for having me. It's been an honor to be here and talk with you. I've enjoyed it. Thank you very much.
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