Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host, Rodney Olsen. Welcome. Links and other Bleeding Daylight episodes are at bleedingdaylight.net, where you'll also find links for Facebook and Instagram. Please share Bleeding Daylight with others. Where do we turn when life becomes overwhelming? How do we reconcile the way we imagined our life would be to the way it plays out?
We'll talk about that with today's guest. Where do you turn when life doesn't go according to the script you've written in your mind? How do you move forward when the plans you've made don't materialize? Disappointments can drain us of hope. Laura Lopez-Arenas has known what it's like to feel swallowed by life's struggles. She is the author of the book Better Than I Imagined, Transformed by the Love of God. I'm very pleased to welcome her to Bleeding Daylight today.
Laura, thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for having me. It's really an honor and a pleasure to be here with you. I'm wondering if you can take me back to those formative years of your life. What was growing up like for you? So Rodney, I was raised Catholic. I really always knew God, but I think I really knew Him more as an acquaintance and not as a friend and a father. My family went to church. I received all my sacraments.
I was baptized as a baby, and I do remember praying at night. I think it was a really good foundation for me. However, I was really lacking that relationship with God, and I think it's because I really didn't have any role models who knew what it really meant to be saved and to be a Christian and to have that relationship with Jesus. Where did life take you from growing up in that kind of setting? What did life look like for you?
Yeah, so as a kid, I think I really feared God more than I loved Him. It was more of checking off the boxes of doing the sacraments, going to Sunday school, attending church. My mom would say things like, I might not be watching, but God is. So it was always that very fear-based mentality, I think, that I had. As I got older, I started to really do my own thing, because I said, God forgives me, and I think that was my excuse to do what I wanted.
So I really started to veer off and just live a life that wasn't in alignment with what God wanted for me. Part of that was because I didn't have the relationship. Part of it was because I really didn't know the Bible, and that's kind of embarrassing to admit, but my whole life I had a Bible on my nightstand every night, and I never opened it. So I really didn't know the Word of God.
I didn't know what He was saying and really the reasoning behind it, and it was all there for me, but I just never read it. In the church that I went to, they read the King James Version, and I found it boring and just couldn't understand it. I kind of wrote off reading the Bible, and I think that was a big part of my problem. Religion is very different from God. Being a Christian means having a relationship with Him, and that's what I think really was the difference for me.
As I got older, I started to party and drink excessively, just really not living the life that God would have wanted for me. Many times in life we come to those turning points that make us reassess everything, and I know that you got there. Maybe you can give us an understanding of what were some of those things along the way that lead you to realize, hey, this isn't working? What did life grow to look like for you?
There were little things along the way, and I would always kind of use God as my emergency contact, reaching out to Him whenever I needed, because I really knew that He could help me. I did believe in Him and trust in Him that He can help me, but I guess I didn't trust Him enough almost with my everyday life. I kind of just reached out when I needed Him. My first marriage was really a turning point for me, because I had messed things up so badly that I didn't know what to do.
I couldn't solve things myself. My family couldn't help me. My friends couldn't help me. I didn't really know what to do, so I was very hopeless. That's when I just threw my hands up and I said, God, help me. I know You've been there, and I know You've been trying to guide me, and at times I didn't listen, but I'm ready to do things differently. I'm ready to do things Your way, and I really need You right now. He showed up for me.
He did, and that's really how I got out of that marriage and into a better place. That was the catalyst for my transformation, but it took me even years after that to get to the point where I'm at today. It wasn't something that I just snapped my fingers and it happened overnight that I had this beautiful relationship with God. It really took time for me to get to this point, because I say I had like an onion. I had to peel back the layers, and it's a difficult process.
It's a little bit painful because you're really letting go of who you are to become who Christ wants you to be. There was a little bit of a struggle at times. I wanted to have this relationship with Him. I didn't know what it looked like, but I had this intention that I wanted to be a better daughter. I wanted to have that friendship with Him. It was hard because it meant letting go of things that I didn't really necessarily want to let go or maybe didn't think I had to let go.
It was a process, definitely challenging at times, but now that I'm at this place, I can say, wow, what a beautiful transformation I've had when I look back at everything that I've been through and where I am at this point in my life. You mentioned that you had to leave that first marriage, and I know that these days we hear people talking about, well, we drifted apart. We had different interests or realized that we had made a mistake, but this was something more than that, wasn't it?
There were some things going on in the marriage that you really had to flee from. Yes, absolutely. I had an inkling that some of those things existed. It's so funny. I went to church one morning, which was while we were dating. The relationship was rocky, and I went to church and I said, God help me, I don't know what to do. If I found out He was cheating on me, I really think that I could leave Him. That would just kind of be the breaking point for me. Sure enough, I went home.
I mean, sometimes God works very quickly. And I went home that night and He was passed out on the sofa. I looked at His phone and I found out He was cheating on me. And I did kick Him out, but I eventually let Him back in for various reasons. Pride, probably the biggest one. He did try to guide me and to kind of steer me away from getting married, but I just didn't listen. Unfortunately, I realized that my ex-husband had a prescription drug problem. He was very emotionally abusive.
And those are things I really didn't even recognize at the time. I just kind of thought he wasn't a very nice person. He was emotionally abusive, and it just all became too much for me to handle anymore. I just didn't see a way out. And I got to the point where I thought something might happen to me, whether it's when we're in the car driving together, and he's falling asleep at the wheel on the highway going 70 miles an hour. I could die. I could get into an accident.
And I started to realize that his problem was my problem, and it was negatively impacting my life, my mental state, my overall well-being, and I tried to get him help, but he didn't want it. I did say at some point to God, I was like, give me another year. Let me try to help him out and see what I can do. And during that time, I tried to go to counseling, just talking with him. Really, there was nothing I can do.
Almost a year to the date where I had that conversation with God, it was time to move on. I know divorce is frowned upon, but I do see that in certain circumstances that I think it's warranted. It wasn't just like you said, that we just grew apart. It was really impacting my life and my well-being. Pete What did it actually look like when you decided, okay, God, I'm going to hand this over to you? Jennifer It was really just my lowest point. I've tried every other option.
I really exhausted every other human option. There was nothing I can do. And that's when I said, I need your help, because I knew that God had given me this beautiful life, and I thought I was just wasting my days being upset and angry and frustrated. And to be honest, I didn't like the person that I was becoming. His problem was really impacting me. And there was one time where he had surgery.
He was obviously taking prescription pain medication, and I was trying to help him, and we were just not agreeing, not seeing eye to eye. I tried to help him with something, and he raised his hand to me. That was the first time he had done that, and I said, wow, this is progressively getting worse. I could see that there's worse things to come. So I remember walking up the stairs, and under my breath, I uttered, I hate you. I really felt that I hated him in that moment.
And it was such a scary feeling for me, because I really never hated anybody. But in that moment, I really felt like darkness was in my heart, because I did. I hated him. I hated him for what he was doing, for how he really destroyed my life, how he was destroying his life. And I knew that I had to do something, because I wasn't that person, and I didn't want to be that person.
Peter When you decided, I need to reach out to God in a bigger way, in a way that I haven't before, what were the first signs for you that there was an answer for you? Was there almost an expectation that, well, he's not going to come through, because I've tried everything, and everything has failed, and this will probably fail as well, but I'll try. What was the first indication for you that, hey, actually, God is really there? Sarah I had seen him. He was in my life, my whole life.
When I looked back, and I had seen how every time I prayed, he answered, and all the time, other things that he has gotten me through. I really didn't have any doubt that he wouldn't help me through this. So, I was very confident in the fact that if I called out to him, that he would help me. But I knew that I had to trust him, and stop trying to figure things out. This wasn't going to be humanly possible for me to do. I needed divine intervention.
Peter And as your book states, there was more than you imagined there, better than imagined. What were the circumstances that you started to see, actually, this relationship with God, this continuing to press into God, actually is better than you imagined? Sarah After I had moved on, and we had the divorce, things weren't easy, but I really had hope that God would just give me the strength to get through. And it's kind of silly. I didn't really have these grandiose expectations.
I just thought, I just want to get through this, and I just want to be at peace. At first, it was still rocky after that. I lost a lot of money in the divorce, and I had to sell the house that I had purchased before the marriage. I had pretty much no money in my bank account. I had to move back in with my parents for, I don't know, I think it was like a couple months to save some money for a deposit on a rental. And my dad got sick, and I had to watch him suffer.
And eventually, Parkinson's disease, that's what he had, it took him. There were just a lot of things I was still struggling with. I was okay with it, because I was just so happy that God had gotten me through that divorce. But there did become a point where I said, Gosh, when is this going to end? When is it going to be my time to be better, to feel better, just to not deal with all these different tragedies and difficult circumstances? It took quite a while for me to get past that.
I moved from New Jersey. I'm from New Jersey originally, and I moved to Texas with my boyfriend at the time. Now he's my husband. This was the place where I found God. Texas is just filled with Christians. Every other block you can find a church. I really believe that being surrounded by other Christians really helped me to grow and got me to the point where I am today. But it was a struggle to get here.
There is a difference between, as you say, you recognize God intervening in your life all the way along, that when you were at those pinch points that you prayed and God came through, that there's a difference between that and then that transformation that you talk about. The subtitle of your book is Transformed by the Love of God. How did God start to transform your life? I never realized how God talks to me. I always just thought of it as that gut instinct or the intuition.
And the more I got into the Word, the more I realized how God was talking to me. I just really had to be open to listening to Him. It was just a lot of little things that happened that at the time they seemed very insignificant. But now when I reflect back on the past, I can see how all those little things, they just kind of stacked up. It was Him all along just kind of guiding me, giving me that next step to help me transform to the life that I have today.
When I got divorced, I really thought, I'm never going to own a home again. I'm never going to get married. I really thought life was just going to be kind of mediocre. And you know, we serve a God that's great and that makes anything possible. It was kind of silly at the time thinking that I just had to live a mediocre life. By trusting in God and just getting to know Him and being obedient, He really just did miracles with my life. I mean, my husband now, he's so wonderful.
He really is more than I imagined I could have. Just the love and support that he gives me. The relationships are completely different. I really didn't think that was possible for me. Owning a home again, because I was in such a bad place. I had a job, but kind of recovering from selling a house and losing money and getting a divorce, it's kind of tough. We bought a home again.
He did so many things for me, you know, in addition just to having the Holy Spirit with me, which is really enough, but He's given me so many other things. He's blessed me financially, with good health and with a beautiful husband. So again, just really better than I imagined life could really be. And I can hear shades throughout you telling your story of the parable that we see in Scripture of the prodigal son.
And many of our listeners would know of that story of the son who went away, squandered everything, and all he was asking for was just a slightly better life, calling out to his father, Can you please just take me out of the difficulty that I'm in? And yet the father, as we know in that story, says, No, I want to lavish everything upon you. Was it a surprise for you when God said, I'm not just going to take you out of what you've been facing, but I'm going to bless you in unimaginable ways?
Oh yeah, absolutely. But I was in that human mindset, and I didn't even know that those things were a possibility. Not that I underestimated God, but maybe I thought, Why would He do that for me? I made so many mistakes that I'm okay with just kind of having a mediocre life and just being at peace at least, and being content. But God said, No, you know, I want to give you abundantly more than you deserve or you ask for. I'm getting choked up, because I'm so grateful for what He has done for me.
We often think that life is always cause and effect, and we act in a certain way, and we can expect certain circumstances. As you're explaining there, you're expecting, God, I'm not asking for too much, but just give me a peaceful life. We're used to that, that if we act in a certain way, we might get something. Yet, as you say, God wants to lavish His love upon us. How difficult is it to get your head around that?
Here is a God who says, I don't care what you think you deserve, and really, it's not about you deserving. It's about my love for you and seeing that poured into you. How difficult is it to grasp that for you? Gosh, yeah. I think because of my marriage, I kind of thought, I always thought I'm not good enough. My husband really, my ex-husband didn't love me the way he should have. Everything was always conditional.
I never knew that the love that God had for me, I just, it's not something I could have comprehended. I think even just reading the Bible, and I know it says it in there, but I've experienced it. I've experienced His love, His mercy, and His grace, and it's beautiful. Like a father, they want their kids to have the best, and that's what God wants for us, and that's really what He's given me, and He continues to give me.
I mean, the things He continues to do for me, I just, I almost think like, oh, it's okay. You've given me enough. But He wants to keep going. When was it you decided that this was something that you needed to put down in a book so that others could understand the lavish love of God? That's a great question.
So, I started writing this book after the divorce because I was really filled with resentment and anger, and I really wanted to help women who were in maybe similar situations and try to kind of guide them and help them to avoid the mistakes that I had made. And then after the divorce was finalized and the resentment faded, I lost interest in the book. I just kind of put it to the side.
And when I moved to Texas and I started to pray more and read the Bible, I felt God nudging me, and that's something I always say, He nudges me. I guess that's how He communicates with me. So, He was nudging me to start writing again. I did. I didn't really want to, because I really didn't want to relive the past. I hadn't moved on from it, so it wasn't something that I wanted to go back and relive.
It was painful, because I wrote about the details of the relationship, and I hadn't really emotionally healed from it. I think the book was twofold for me. One, it really helped me to heal from the past, and I didn't know that I even needed to heal, because I had never seeked counseling after the divorce. I really just kind of wanted to shove everything that happened in the closet and shut the door. But that door was kind of bursting open still.
God knew what I needed, and writing became therapeutic, and I cried often, but it helped me to forgive my ex-husband and to move forward. So, I was writing the book, and I would put it down and pick it up every once in a while. It really has changed quite a bit since I started writing, and I would say, gosh, it was about two years ago is really when I really came to know God. He was nudging me to write again, and I realized the book was different.
It was no longer just about this tumultuous marriage and all the mistakes I made. It was to show people the transformation that I made with the love of God, with His help. It became really my witness to God, my testimony. So, the first part of the book is all the mistakes I made, but the second part is really the most beautiful for me, because it talks more about how I transformed and how God worked in me and the things that I did to get to that point.
Pete The book has only been released somewhat recently, but I'm sure that there have been people that have had the opportunity to read it. What has been the feedback from people so far? Have there been people that have read it and said, that's just what I need, that's kind of the place I was in, and I've now got hope to go forward? Jennifer Yeah, absolutely. A lot of friends and family members are reading it.
I've had a few people reach out to me, which is pretty amazing, because it was hard for me to put all my business out there. I really had a lot of anxiety when I was publishing it, even up to that very end. I said, God, do I really have to do this? I'm kind of a private person, and I don't want to let everyone know the ugly parts of my past. I did it reluctantly, because I believe that that's what He wanted me to do.
And in a very short time, it became evident that this book is going to help people, and that's really the whole purpose of it. I had someone reach out for me that I went to high school with, and she said, I really appreciate you being honest and vulnerable. I'm in an abusive marriage, and I'm really trying to figure things out. And she said, your story has really given me hope that there can be a better future for me.
I had another person I went to high school with read the story, and he said it was very impactful and gave him a lot of hope, because he's really trying to find God again. We just talked the other day, and he said that he found a church by his house, and he's going to start attending service again. Just these little things that have been popping up. It's just so beautiful, and it really solidifies why God wanted me to write this book. Even if it just helped one person, it was worth it.
Now, you've mentioned a couple of people that have read the book, one male, one female, so we know that the book actually has something for everyone in there. I'll mention again, it's titled Better Than I Imagined, Transformed by the Love of God. But I know as well as writing that book and having that out there, you do have a Facebook group specifically for women to help them through what they're going through. Tell me a little about that group.
About two years ago, I started this group, and I was really trying to share these techniques that I had learned to help manage stress. I was sharing some faith-based stuff with women, and I just really wanted to encourage them to manage their stress. Over time, I noticed I started posting more spiritual posts. Eventually, God said to me, make it a group about growing your faith. I said, okay, I'm going to do it.
It's kind of hard when you started a group with one intention, and then you change it kind of midway. I made an announcement in the group that as I'm changing and growing, the group is going to change and grow. Not that we can't post secular, encouraging things, but I really wanted to use it to share God with people, to give them things that they would find encouraging, to educate them, because there were so many things I didn't know.
Because I wasn't surrounded by like-minded Christian women, I didn't know so much. The group has really become something that I use as a platform to ask people for prayer requests. If they have prayers, I want to pray for them or just encourage them, guide them, support them. It's growing. I think that God will lead people to me, whoever needs help and encouragement. I think he will lead them to the group.
It's interesting that in some senses, you're still early in your faith, although you've had some faith right from the very early years of your life. It's only been over the last couple of years that you've made this very full commitment to Christ. Are you excited about what God is going to do in your life in the future? Oh, absolutely. Possibilities are endless. Matter of fact, my thing is I just keep saying yes.
Whatever God puts in front of me, I say yes, God, because he knows best, and I know that I don't. My husband and I, we found a church here when we moved from Houston to San Antonio. When we moved here, that was the first time we started attending a church together. My husband was not religious. He believed in God but did not have really any knowledge of the Bible or any experience going to church.
As I was changing, it became a little bit difficult because he had married me as one person, and now I was transforming into this new person. It was hard. I didn't listen to certain songs anymore. There were certain movies I wouldn't watch. I don't curse ever. When he would curse, I would get upset with him. So there was a little bit of friction between us because he needed to catch up with me. We started attending church together, and it was just so beautiful.
We loved the messages, and we would just discuss them when we left. One thing led to another. We started volunteering at church, and they've really become our family, our church family. They got a new assistant pastor a few months back, and he sees something in us that we didn't see and asked us to be, they call it service coaches. So we volunteer, and then we kind of lead this little huddle in prayer, and we share Bible verses and kind of facilitate a conversation.
You know, it's something that I said yes to, even though I really don't feel equipped to do it. But I know that if God placed it in my path, then He's going to equip me with whatever I need to be successful at that. So I just keep saying yes to whatever He puts in my path, regardless of my ability or what I think my ability is. My husband has really come so far too, and it's really just because I think I've been an example.
Just by being an example and praying, he has said to me, I want what you have. I want that peace. I want that relationship. He's really transformed too. He's actually going to school and getting a degree in biblical studies. It's so crazy because he was a police officer. He was in the military. He served two tours in Iraq. Now he's going to school for that. We know God is leading us somewhere. We don't know where yet. We're really excited to see what happens over the next year and a half or so.
I know God is going to use this and everything else that we're learning along the way to do something big in our lives. Laura, life definitely has been transformed for you. The book, Better Than I Imagined, Transformed by the Love of God, is available through Amazon and other places. I will put a link in the show notes at bleedingdaylight.net so that people can find that. Also, a link to the Facebook group for women so that people can find you easily.
But Laura, I just want to thank you for being so open with your story and thank you for your time on Bleeding Daylight. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it. Thank you for listening to Bleeding Daylight. Please help us to shine more light into the darkness by sharing this episode with others. For further details and more episodes, please visit bleedingdaylight.net.