Weird Space

Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I am your host, Jasmine Dan Yell. What's up, guys, what's up? I really miss y'all. I missed the podcast. I missed the podcast. I just feel like I'm in a really weird space, but I also feel a spark of inspiration and

creativity coming back after yesterday. Yesterday was my off day from work, so I I went downtown by where my job is and just really try to get acclimated with the area and all of that, because I need to be able to you've recommended that recommendations and suggestions and stuff when people come to my job like, Hey, where can I go for this? Where can I go for this? Where's the best place? How do you get to X, Y and Z? And I'm like, I don't know. I just relocated

here. I'm really from Detroit, and I feel like it's only so long that I could, you know, use that as an excuse on top of the fact that I need to explore this city and explore the different opportunities, explore the different places to go, the vibes, the people, all of that. You know, I really kind of been locked in the crib and just going to work every day, so I needed to get out there. And it was a not even I wanted to. It was a beautiful day,

but I ain't gonna lie this. This Texas heat is different. It's very different. But people keep telling me like it's hotter than normal, like you usually don't beat this hot here. And they also keep telling me it's gonna be a really crazy winter. So to me, when people will show on me like videos and pictures of the winter, I'm like, that ain't shit. But I mean to them, they can't driving this shit. It's different, like it ain't like Detroit. You know what I'm saying. It's

it's just different. But also like they was talking about they gonna be without they could be without power and all that type of shit. So I don't know. I guess it's just something to prepare for. But I was able to get out yesterday. I went to this good little barbecue spot. The food was really good. Unfortunately, when I eat, I I literally only take a bite of my food and I'll always be fool as fucked. But the food was good. I do wanna try some different spots. Like I

said, I just really gotta get out there and explore. So yesterday was a really cool day for me. Like I said, it was my off day, did I unt I didn't. I didn't go to yoga yesterday. I didn't. I need to go. I've been to yoga a few times here. I really liked the vibes. Man, the hot yoga is really hot yoga. It's it's really hot yoga. Man. That shit is crazy. I think when I was back at home, I did a sixty minute hot yoga class before. And when I took that class, I'm like,

oh, I for show could do a ninety minute. Man. I got here and did a ninety minute. I'm like, Okay, this is too much. This is too much, nah like, and then I fucked around and then I did a I did a sixty minute the other day and that still was just like, But maybe it's because I haven't really since I got here, I haven't really been doing yoga every day, Like how I shouldn't be doing it and I'm slipping. And I've acknowledged that and I need to

get back on my shit. I've acknowledged a lot of things. I've been doing a lot of self reflection in this uh this Hybernation time from the podcast, I oh man, I'm going through a lot. I don't even know what I would name the chapter of my life, but it's just it's a little bit of everything. It's a little bit of everything. I have realized that I really need to focus on self love and pouring into myself. I need to not get distracted by people and the things around me. I I've

come to the conclusion. And my home girl be saying, like, no, I don't think that's what it is. I mean whatever, whatever y'all know, like Nigga's wanna be in a relationship and all that, But I I honestly, honest, fucking lee, I really believe that I'm meant to be alone. I really, deep in my heart believe that I am meant to be alone. Number one, I'm meant to be alone because I have a mission to fulfill in this life. Like I have a destiny. I

have a purpose. And I've known this for so long and for whatever reason, and this is something this is something that me, my homeboys have always said, like before we become super successful in life, we wanted to find our person because when you get to that point of success, when you get to that peak in life, niggas niggas ain't gonna be genuine. Nigga's only gonna want you for what you got, who you are, you know what

I'm saying at that point, not for who you truly are. So in my mind, I've always been like, first of all, I've always been a lover girl, always been a fucking lover girl. You know what I'm saying, Just love, love, love, deep love. Heart would give a motherfucker my all, just cause that's just the type of person I am.

And sometimes it really makes me upset to be that person and be like, damn, you know what I'm saying, Like, but my heart will never change no matter what happens to me, no matter, you know, whatever I go through with a person or what Nobody's ever gonna turn me cold. And I also think that's another reason why people hate me, because it's like, damn, bitch, I gotta be is dirty ass, fucked up ass person. You like. I want to be a better person, but

I like, you know, but it's just not in. It's sometimes it's just not in a person to be a good person or a genuine person. A lot of people be fighting a lot of demons and a lot of internal issues you know what I'm saying. And that's not to say that I don't have my own issues, because I just said I need to really focus on

self love and pouring into myself and putting myself first. So of course a relationship a nigga, all of that is going to be a distraction for me because if niggas was giving me what I wanted and giving me that lover girl action, I would just be man. I'd probably be pregnant with a kid right now, you know what I'm saying. So it's probably best that I don't get the things that I want cause I need to be focused on the

things that are going to bring me to my purpose in life. Another thing is anytime i'm that I date or I get distracted by men, I always feel like they hate on me. I'm not gonna lie every time. I feel like every time, and a nigga don't have to necessarily be pursuing me.

I could be pursuing a nigga. But regardless, any time that I become romantically involved or gets on that level with a man, I promise you they love me in the beginning, they love the person that I am, and then all of a sudden, these niggas just hate me, and it's like it's the craziest thing to me. But I'm aware of my light,

I'm aware of my greatness. I'm aware of the person that I and I and that's another thing I always talk about self awareness, and that's like I will say, I'm a very strong minded person, not to say that things don't get to me or you know what I'm saying, because I'm here, I'm in this fuck nigga, you know what I'm saying. My feelings will get hurt by shit, But for the most part, I'm a very strong

minded woman, and I know who I am. I'm a very self aware of person, so I understand where things are being projected onto me, you know what I'm saying. That's why it's very important to be just very aware of who you are as a person and to really learn yourself and and be okay with the person that you are, so that you are solid enough to stand on your own two feet, solid enough to stand on your tin toes and still be cool regardless of whatever the world or people is throwing at you.

Because motherfucker's is gonna try to tear you down. And that's another thing. I'm in a really weird space right now because I feel like I'm in a counterproductive space because for me, I'm happy where I am. You know what I'm saying. I'm happy with the moves that I'm made. I'm happy with the things that I'm doing in the in the direction that I'm going, and I feel like I'm building myself off up. But I feel like the things around me are trying to tear me down. I feel like people are

throwing rocks and trying to hide their hands. You know what I'm saying. I feel I feel like a lot of shit is It's like a it's very backhanded, like damn, that was a backhanded compliment, Like damn. D you know what I'm saying, Like, tell me how you really feel. So it's just a really weird situation. But at the end of the day, I know that I'm blessed. I know that I'm protected, I know

that I'm covered, I know that I'm in God's good grace. So, you know what I'm saying, And at the end of the day, I'm always end up wherever it is that I'm supposed to be. I know that I'm a mother fucking warrior. I'm a motherfucking fighter. I'd haven't been through the worst of all for i'dn't been through the worst shit in in life.

F you know what I'm saying, in in my own in my own life, in my own aspect what I'm saying, I'm sure other people have been through worst, but for me, I hadn't been through the worst of the worst in my life. You know what I'm saying. It can't get it can't get no worse than the shit that I've already been through. And the

point is that I've made it through all of those moments. Anytime that I'm in a situation with a nigga, I'd be like, it can't be no worse than my baby dad, that nigga, you know what I'm saying, Like that was probably the worst of all situations, cause I ended up having a kid with that person, you know what I'm saying. So I always just look back at that, like, nigga, if I went through that with my baby daddy, y'all, niggas ain't shit to me. So it

is what it is. I also was having a conversation with my home girl yesterday and we was talking about how our roles are reversed. So one thing that I also have really recognized in this time in my life is that I appreciate where I am and I feel like I'm in a different phase. So for my home girl, she's in a in a season where she gets to really be on her mom shit and really spend time at home with her daughter and be very nurturing and taking care of the home and spending that quality time

with her to like, cause she always had to work. So now I'm in a space where I could be in my in my bag, and I could work, and I could really be on my hustle and bustle and all of that, and I could step away from, you know, the many

responsibilities of being a mom. And somebody had told me before, like, you know, you are a great mom, and you have spent the majority of your years really being a nurturer and raising your child, you know what I'm saying, But you never really got the chance to be a like a a mom and another aspect of being like a provider and going to work. I mean I I have, I've I've had jobs, I've worked and all of that, but it's just it's just a different space it's a different time.

And even with other things, like right before I came here, I wasn't really working like a full time job. I was just trying to do yoga full time, which was not really a thing. You know what I'm saying, It's very hard. You gotta really be able to build up your clientele and build your own yoga tribe like that shit ain't gonna come overnight. So you just teaching a class here and there during the week. First of all, you're not gonna be a motherfucking millionaire yoga off that shit, Like

niggas need money to survive. So I was really in my yoga bag. I'm talking about you doing yoga every day, teaching yoga every not every day, but I was just doing yoga every day, and so you know, I was also on my mom bag, being a mom every day. But then when I got here, it's switched. So now I'm kind of, you know, kind of chilling on them on on the mom aspect as far

as like being there every day doing the everyday shit. And then and I noticed that I kind of started slipping with yoga, Like dang, I came here and just like not doing yoga every day, but again, I feel like it's a different season. Obviously that's something that I still should be doing daily, but I ain't gotta do yoga every day right now, cause that's not why I came I mean, that is a part of the reason why I came here, but the main thing was to get money and to get

myself established and to really get on my feet. So right now, I'm in my bag bag, I'm in my hustle bag, I'm in my grind bag, you know what I'm saying. So again, it's gonna be different seasons in your life. It's gonna be different stages, it's gonna be different phases, and you gotta be able to understand and recognize what season you're in,

you know what I'm saying. Another thing that I've really realized during my time here, and just as I'm making these decisions and just following my own fucking path, marching to the beat of my own drummers that you cannot listen to other people. You cannot nobody else can tell you about your life, where you should be going, what you should be doing, what works best for you, because it's not their fucking life. And again, look at

them motherfucker's lives and where they are and where their decisions have got. You know what I'm saying, Because a lot of people really be unhappy with their own lives. So who are you to fucking tell me what I should be doing, how I should be moving, you know what I'm saying, Like, I really just wish that people will worry about their own fucking lives, especially when they shit is not together, especially when your shit is not together,

you know what I'm saying. And I don't even know why you would have so much time and energy to put into what the fuck I got going on and trying to tell me some shit like you're fucking guy like that shit is just wild to me. I think everybody should just worry about themselves and what they got going on in their own life. I mean, it's cool to get advice from people if you ask for it or if you want it, you know what I'm saying. But ultimately, this is my life and

I'm gonna navigate it the way that I fucking want to. That's another thing. I feel like I've never really lived my life for myself. And I've said this on here many times before. I've never lived my life truly for myself. For Jasmine Daniel Bradford, I've never lived for myself. I've never put myself first. And that's what I think that women really need to understand, especially as mothers, because I think we get it twisted. I think

we really get it twisted. I'm not saying that your children are not a priority in that they shouldn't come first, but in reality, you can't put anything above or before yourself. If you're not good, you're never going to be able to flourish or be great for the other things or the other people in your life. You know what I'm saying. If you don't put yourself first and you're not together, we always talk about pouring from an empty cup

or you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just not possible. It's just not possible. And that's why it does take a fucking village to raise kids and all of that. Like, so you definitely want to have a great support system. Hopefully you have a great baby father. Hopefully you got a nigga around you that wanna see you flourish and succeed and do good. And uh, you know what I'm saying, Like, where is the supportive niggas at cause God damn niggas be trying to tear a bitch down. I'm

trying to break up it now. Niggas wanna take you the Poundtown. They wanna break a bitch down too, like Poundtown and Downtown, tear this bitch down to the ground. But no, we're the supportive niggas at. You know what I'm saying, And that's you know, I ain't gonna I don't know, I don't know, well know, I do know, Like I remember, I used to kind of laugh at the whole Nicki Minaj just a fari situation like in the beginning, like damn that nigga just be running up

behind her and just whatever. But that I ain't gonna lie that. That's the type of nigga you need at least, at least a nigga is supporting and holding you down. You know what I'm saying, Cause you don't wanna know Ike Turner as nigga because that's the thing. Ike knew that Tina was the star. You know what I'm saying. I think that's why he behaved the way that he did. I think that's why, you know, the relationship was the way that he that it was because he knew that she was

the star. Ain't shit without Tina turn you know what I'm saying. Like, I mean, Ike had his own thing going on in the beginning, but even still, he was never gonna be what Tina Turner was gonna be, you know what I'm saying. And so I'm not saying that you gotta be a motherfucking diva. But if you, if you know you, if you know you the star, bitch, then you the star. And you see another thing that I really like. And niggas be hating on these niggas

too. Niggas always be hating on Sierra and Russell Wilson so hard, and niggas always be trying to talk shit about him like he a ham, he had cornball, and like, no, he loves his wife and his fucking family, you know what I'm saying. And not that niggas know the ends and outs some niggas relationships, but from the outside looking in, they look like a very happy couple and he looks like a very supportive husband, you know what I'm saying. Like, and that's the type of shit that I

want. But anyway, that's the type of shit that is always a distraction for me. So I'm really just trying to focus on myself and get to where the fuck I need to be. Cause every time, every time, every time I get a little momentum going, I get distracted and then and be like God, damn, ten two steps for for ten steps back. So it's just very important to do a little self reflection on your life and where you are. What else, Like I said earlier, I feel like

I'm in a weird space. I feel like I'm in a counterproductive space, but ultimately I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Right now, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I feel like, even though I sometimes feel like I'm surrounded by bad energy and shit that's trying to throw me off, I I just look at everything is if like, what is this trying to teach me? What is this trying to tell

me? And ultimately it's not even like it's all on outside uh sources or people or it isn't it's it's not about it being a whole external thing. It's really about me because I attracted everything that is around me right now, you know what I'm saying, I attracted all of this to me, And one thing that you have to realize is that your life is a fucking mirror. Everything is something that you attracted. Everything is a reflection of who you

are. So I could say I got all this shit going on all around me, everything is a distraction and shit trying to bring me down, but there's a much deeper understanding of why it's in my life and what it's here to show me because I do have a lot of work to do as a

person, you know what I'm saying. As an individual, I've learned a lot about myself as far as even wanting to be in a relationship or have a companion like this whole situation has really put a mirror up to me and just shown me who I am. And I I understand that I do have a lot to work on, but I also again, I do have a lot to work on, but this is also showing me how strong I am and just who I am and what's in me. You know what I'm saying,

Like I'm telling you a bitch cannot be spiritually broken. I'm too fucking strong for that shit. And that's and that's and that's word, that's word to the Lord, that's word to God, that's word to the universe, that's word to just the fact that like it's in me, not own me. I cannot be spiritually broken. I cannot be spiritually broken because I'm that girl. Period. It's just in me, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just it's what it is. But I will say though life,

life is hard. Shit is hard. The universe is gonna throw them curveballs. It's gonna put baby, it's gonna put the big bad wolf in your motherfucking story. It's gonna it's gonna do it all. It's going to do it all. But you gotta be able to overcome all of that shit. You gotta be over You gotta be able to overcome all the obstacles, all the shit that's thrown in your path, all of the speed bumps, all the shit that's meant to break you. Bro, It's really just gonna

build you the fuck up. So keep coming with the shit too. I went to pass the test every fucking time. Period. Mh. I'm tryna think of what else is going on. I met a lot of interesting people. I've met a lot of cool people. I really be back and forth with a lot of the decisions that I'll be making, like damn, I should have did this, I should have did that, like one of the decisions that I've made. When I first got here, I I had two

jobs. I got two jobs, and the first job that I got was at a luxury hotel, and that bitch was nice as fuck, and I just felt like two jobs would be too much for me. I ain't go a lot. I'd be tired with one job. It's just it's a lot, and just based on my circumstances and everything that's going on, I just feel like it was possible to do both, but I'm like, I'm just gonna do one. So I ended up going with another job that actually paid more than the luxury hotel. But I ain't gonna lie. I just missed

the luxury hotel, like I missed the vibes. And I look at the differences, because I do work at a hotel, so I look at the differences between the two, and I know that the other one would have been more of an experience and probably just you know, better on a resume and all of that, and I just really missed the fucking vibes cause it's just not the same. The one that I work at is nice, but it's just like it's not luxury though it's not giving, it's not given experience.

But I mean, it all happened for a reason. And I also think that another reason why it happened the way that it did was because it just all worked out perfectly. Like I only went to like four days of orientation for the one job before I had got caught up with the other one trying to trying to make a decision on what I was gonna do between the two, and so I let one go. But luckily that job was paying weekly, so it was enough to, you know, keep a bit steady above

water, you know what I'm saying. And then I got this other job. So I don't know, but it's just it's been an experience. I've been here for shit almost a month now. The weather is fucking crazy, Like you can't even be outside. You could not even fucking be outside cause it be that fucking hot. And you gotta have air. You gotta have air in this bitch, Like I ain't gonna lie. We ain't have air

to crib in Detroit. Uh. We got the little uh, the little air conditioners that you put in the window, but like no, like you have to have air in this bitch, or your shit is gonna melt. Another thing, I saw a video on TikTok the other day talk about do not move to Texas. It was just running down all the shit, like niggas gotta pay tolls on the free Like why the fuck do you gotta pay

on the fucking you gotta pay to drive on the freeway? Bro, I I haven't uh, I haven't crossed no tolls though not on the path that I'd be going. But it's like why the fuck that? What? What? And didn't even at work? There was like do you have a toll tag? And I'm like, no, nigga, what the fuck? Like it's just very wild to me that what else did she say in the video? She she complained about the heat. I don't know. And then I also just be seeing niggas on TikTok talking about like don't move to tag.

A lot of niggas be talking about don't move to Houston. I heard that's like lyddy city something, and I do wanna go to Houston, but that's not really the vibes for me, Like I'm not trying to be in a party city twenty four seven, but I do wanna go check it out. I feel like everybody on my timeline be going to Houston all the fucking time, but Dellas, Dellas got some cool vibes. I I also have been just trying to, like, you know, look at different places and see

what areas that I would like to live in. The other night, man, I think I was in Grand Prairie maybe, And then I was also liking what is that shit called Cedar Oak or some shit Cedar Hill or some shit, but man, very beautiful neighborhood, very beautiful houses, Like I couldn't even believe it. It was. It was giving all of the inspiration

that I needed. Like, and that's another thing that I'd be writing down the like my manifestations and in my journal and about you know, just being blessed with a new home, in a new car and all of that shit. And baby, when I went through that neighborhood, I I've never seen no houses that beautiful before. I was just in awe. So I was taking that all in for inspiration and motivation. And I also saw some really

nice houses. Yes, I saw some million dollar houses yesterday. Uh, when I was on my little journey downtown and shit, and I also got on the scooters and shit, it was just it was a vibe. It was a vibe. So I really enjoyed myself. And that's another thing. You gotta take time to enjoy your fucking self, okay, Cause also there's nothing it's nothing worse than being in a relationship or whatever, being in the space or you know, being in the presence of somebody else and still feeling

alone or feeling lonely like that shit as whack as fuck. Like I could be alone and feel alone, but also you could be you could be alone. I could be alone and feel alone, you know what I'm saying. But you don't have to be alone and feel lonely. Cause I feel great by my fucking self. Like I said, I could do anything by my

fucking self. Go to eat by myself, have drinks by myself, spend the block by myself, go to a concert by myself, go to the movies by my Like, I can have a great time by my fucking self. I don't need to be with somebody else and feel like god damn like I might as well be by myself, cause what are you even bringing, you know what I'm saying. So it's just crazy. And at the end of the day, it's it's no bad blood here, It's no bad blood.

But you know, every everything is a is a learning lesson and everything is just an experience, And how how are you ever going to learn if you don't experience it, how are you ever gonna grow? And that's also why I'm so glad that I'm in the space that I'm in now and I decided to, you know, take the steps that I took to get to where I am now, because it really changed the trajectory of my life. It put me in a different space, you know what I'm saying. It's

putting me around new opportunities. It's helping me grow as an individual, as a as a woman, as a mother, all you know what I'm saying, Like you you gotta put yourself in different spaces, in different places to be able to grow, cause if not, you're gonna be stagnant. And that's how I felt like being in Detroit. The energy is very stagnant for me, is very complacent. It's very like just very still, and I'm very much tired of feeling like that in my life. I'm not gonna lie.

And the other thing is, you know, I'll be taking my my very long breaks from the podcast, and I think it's a part of it. It's just the very weird space that I'm in with a little sprinkle of not feeling inspired, a little sprinkle of not feeling like myself, but also just feeling very confused with myself and where I am, and also a little sprinkle of like it'd be like embarrassment and shame. I'm not gonna lie being

one hundred percent honest right now. Like and again, I shouldn't have to feel like I. I shouldn't have to feel like that, and I shouldn't feel like that because at the end of the day, where all humans having a human experience. But another part of me is just like, I don't

know. I feel like when I come on here and I share my experiences and my story, and y'all probably like, bitch, we need to hear this, we want we going through it too, like y'all probably all gonna agree with me, But a lot of times I just don't like coming on here to share my experience and what i'd be going through because I feel like number one, I feel like a lot of the shit be redundant. I feel like I've been in this space many times where you know, I'm back

to square one, trying to get back on my feet. I just feel like I'll be telling the same story over and over and it's just I don't know, But that's just me being in my own head about the situation, cause it's it's somebody out there, like, bitch, I'm back at square one two, I don't know, you know what I'm saying, Like people

really be looking for me, waiting for me, all of that. But again, at the end of the day, we're all fucking human and we all are having this human experience going through life experience and life, going through the trials and tribulations, going through the ups and downs of life. But at the end of the day, you gotta have that balance and you gotta stay balanced even when they trying to throw you off. Okay, that's a

motherfucking word shots fired for real. You gotta stay balanced cause motherfucker's will try to throw you off your square every time. And it's just like why why you know what I'm saying, But and that's why you gotta know it. It's so much going on internally with people. And I say this all the time even with my other situations, Like a person that is truly good within and truly good with themselves would not be trying to bring somebody else down,

you know what I'm saying. I've never intentionally tried to bring nobody down, because that's just weird to me. And especially if you're truly in a good space, if you're truly happy with yourself and where you are, why the fuck would you waste your time spewing out negative energy, you know what I'm saying. You trying to bring other niggas up too. You could gratulate niggas, you supporting niggas, you you know what I'm saying, Like, that's

just I don't know, That's just never been my vibe period. So h

it's very weird to me. But it also just shows like to me, that shows how powerful you are, and like, man, you must really got something in you for people to you know what I'm saying, that treats you a certain type of way, or to want to bring you down or to you know what I'm saying, try to m so you gotta be wearing and energy around you for real and protect yours and stay on your path and never forget who the fuck you are because niggas be waiting on you to forget.

Okay, niggas can't wait for you to forget who the fuck you is. And don't let them motherfucker tell you who they think you are, cause you don't know shit. Some self awareness is key, listening to your heart is key, listening to your intuition is key. And sometimes I ain't gonna lie. Sometimes listening to your heart, I say that's key. But sometimes that shit'll put you in a crazy direction. But like I said, at the end of the fucking day, you're gonna end up where you're supposed to

be. There's no wrong turn that you could take. It's a it's all been like you know what I'm saying. This has all been sketched in stone, This has all been playing. Every step has been predetermined period. I mean, along the way, you could do things to detour your path, but at the end of the day, you're going to be where the fuck you're supposed to be. So I don't even feel like, oh I fucked up. I did. At the end of the day, nigga you gonna

learn some shit and move the fuck home. Period. So life gonna keep pushing. And that's and that's what you gotta that's what you gotta know. Life is gonna keep pushing. Niggas is gonna keep moving without you. Niggas gonna keep breathing without you. If you die today, the world is still gonna turn tomorrow. Your job is gonna find somebody else. Your family gonna have to keep paying bills. Nigga. You know what I'm saying, niggas. Niggas might beget about you, Niggas might not. You know what I'm

saying. Niggas might post you on the ground every day if they really fuck with you. I don't know. But at the end of the day, this shit is still gonna move, this shit still gonna shake. So it is what it is. I hope that y'all enjoy this. I hope that

y'all missed me and and was glad to hear my voice. And where I'm where I'm at with everything, you know, I'm just I'm just out here living my life l legitimately, like living my life, taking this shit to day at a time, walking into my destiny, m wherever that is where wherever it's taking me where I don't I don't know what the endpoint is, but I know I'm on the right path for sure. I know I am. So that is all that I have for y'all. Hope that y'all enjoyed

this episode. Make sure that you follow me on all platforms that healing my homies. Subscribe to the podcast. Right at five stars, they were reviewing, like you little blackgirn experience, That's all I have for you. I'm out