My Last Day

We're ready. I'm ready. It's a different look, a different vibe. Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I am your host, Jasmine Danielle. Guys, I'm not even supposed to be here today, I wa I plan to record next Friday, but I'm here early, and I'm here for a reason, here to tell a story and talk some shit as always, so here we are. It's so funny because I spoke it into existence, and I knew it was gonna happen, but I didn't know when it was

gonna happen, and I didn't know how it was gonna happen. But yesterday I had posted a clip from my last video. I posted it on TikTok and I put two weeks ago at the top when I was talking my shit like I can't wait till I walk in here. It could be like fuck y'all and just walk out the job. Baby. Yesterday was the day. Yesterday was the motherfucking day. And I was cracking up so hard after it happened, because I was like the universe and God like that I just should

be happening how it's supposed to happen. I'm like, only I would quit my job on my daddy's birthday. Like that's a very symbolic time for me, and I just it's gonna be a memorable moment because it was my dad's birthday, because I went out with a bang boom bitch, but also just because I knew I was gonna talk to my dad on his birthday, you know what I'm saying. And when I call him, I'm like, well,

no, he was calling me, which was weird. He was called I don't know why he was calling me either, and I'm like, look, I'm not trying to make this about me. It's show day. You don't have birthday, having birthday. And I ended up telling him the story. But anyway, let's let's rewind. Let's run that shit back turbo.

So where should I start with this? I mean, y'all already know the basics with the job, like don't give a fuck about the employees, treat us like shit, no breaks, no lunch, no nothing, or like y'all know, y'all know, y'all know. But let's take it back to We'll just go back to Thursday. So on Thursday, I was at work doing my job, slaving all of that, and I called my manager the day was almost over. But I call manager and I'm like, Yo,

I need to go to the emergency room right now. So I need you to come up here and cover the desk or find somebody to cover the desk. I'm about to go to a meeting with the general manager. What the fuck that gotta do with me? I just told you I need to go to the emergency room right now. Okay, give me five minutes. I'm gonna try to figure something out. Again. The lack of compassion, the lack of just general concern for your employee, y'all want me to slave in

this bitch. You want me to be behind this desk at all times and show up and do my job and perform great. And you know what I'm saying, and have a smile on my face. But I'm telling you that I need to go to the emergency room right now. You didn't even say, are you okay? What's going I'm going to a meeting with the general manager. I don't give a fuck, So that's what I'm saying. So motherfuckers can't make me feel bad for how I move, period, period.

So he found somebody to cover the front. I go to the emergency room, I'm okay, everybody, everything was fine. But still the point is that I needed to go to the hospital and that just was not even an issue for anybody, only for me, only for the motherfucker that's dying, you know what I'm saying. And that's the thing, like do I gotta be laying on the ground with a gunshot wound to the head for somebody to be like okay, And even still they gonna be like, hey, can

you take the bullet out and just check them me in real quick? They don't care. They don't care. So I had to come back with a doctor's note because you know, motherfuckers don't believe you, I guess. But also another thing is so previously when I had a meeting with both managers, I cut into them and I told them in the meeting with in the meeting,

I'm like, y'all don't care about y'all employees. And I brought up with one of the managers says to me, when I was sick the one day and was telling them, hey, I'm not gonna be able to come in on Christmas, he told me to hurry up and recover because we need somebody to work the front desk. I said that, Yes, you said that, motherfucker, Like I remember you saying that because I had to come in so again. And then you know the other person was talking about,

well I got my kids and blah blah blah. And my thing is they act like they want you to schedule your emergencies. You don't know when the fuck is gonna be an emergency. You don't know. That's what an emergency is. You don't know when you're gonna be sick. You don't know when you're gonna have to call. That's the you know what I'm saying. So whatever, So anyway on, you know, I just be having to look

at my phone and pull my little so whatever I wrote for today. But so, so Friday comes along and I go back to work, y'all know me, I start my morning's off of my morning meditation. Oh so this is really what it was. This is really what it was. Uh, that night, I had listened to a self love meditation and it was probably like the first five minutes he was talking on it, and then the whole meditation was just I love myself, I love myself, I love myself.

I'm like, this is all he's saying. Is I love myself, And so I didn't even listen to it to the for the whole night. I ended up cutting it off and I went to sleep, and when I woke up the next morning, I felt like a brand new Jasmine. And for whatever reason, I was like, I'm not putting shit above me. I come first in everything. And so I went to work with a positive attitude, feeling good. You know what I'm saying. Listen to my little morning

meditation affirmations, all that shit. I gets work. I gets work at seven am. You know what I'm saying. It was a good day for me. I was feeling good. I'm like, hey, I'm here to do my job. I'm printing off the reports, and shit, it's cool. It's cool. Now there's a cheerleading competition that's going on this weekend, and those people are staying at the hotel. Again, I'm printing off my reports, getting my day started. So these two women, these two white

women, I have. I mean, I'm just i gotta lay the story off for you. Two white women are they They're not even walking up to the front desk, but they're like whatever. They halfway at the desk, they look like they're so confused. They are so fun confused on what to do, where to go, whatever. But they're not even giving me no eye contact. But they're lost as fuck. So I'm like, hey, how can I help you? So one of them is just like, I'm

looking for my daughter. Okay, is she's staying at the hotel with somebody? Is she with a family? Is she with a group? Is she you know what I'm saying, so confused. They don't know what the fuck is going on. She's giving me a couple of last names. I typed them in. It's not coming up again. This is really like three hotels in one. So she's staying at this hotel? Are they at that hotel? Are they? I don't know. I don't know, Okay, I mean I'm just here to see her. And again, if you're here to

see your daughter, she's in a high school a cheerleading competition. The room's probably not going to be in her name, right, So again, but just trying to help these ladies. So I'm like, well, how about you just call whoever she's with her? Call her. I'm sure she has a cell phone. You know what I'm saying. She's in high school. So I'm like just call and then figure out whatever. So they're having a conversation. She trying to talk to me, She trying to figure it out

whatever. The other lady, mind you, I look at her face. Her face is just already scrunched up, got an attitude, came, couldn't wait to start some shit. I just to look on her face. I'm like, okay, okay, but you know whatever, I'm just playing the cool. She jumps in and says, oh, so you can't have two conversations at one time. First of all, bitch, I wasn't even talking to you. That's number one. Number two, No, you cannot have two conversations at one time. I don't know why, why you would want

to, or why you would try to. It escalated so fast, like I don't even remember the conversation and everything that was said. The next thing that I remember was like, and mind you, she hopped on tip with me. I didn't like I was trying to help them. All I remember was, oh, yeah, well I I First of all, a bitch gets some motherfucking braids, and I guess it's just I don't know. I could get ghetto and black and ignorant, and I'm like why are we bringing

racing to this? I got black kids, bitch, what black kids? Like? What? Why is this relevant? Where is this going? So she's on tip and I'm just like, what the fuck? So I'm saying this to myself now, I'm like, today is the motherfucking day. I'm saying this to myself. She's like, yeah, today is today, And I'm like, no, bitch, you don't understand. Today is the actual

day that you will get your ass beating here. You know what I'm saying, Like when people say you fuck with the wrong person on the wrong day, like it was that day for me, It was that day. So ma y'all, well, all of this shit that has been going on and just leading up to this moment. So remember when I first got out here, I was like I knew it was gonna happen, but I didn't know

what day and how it was gonna happen. That's why I was saying to myself, like today is the motherfucking day, Like this this the last day, Jasmine, This the last day. So that's why I was saying that. So at some point I was able to bring myself back like Jasmine, you gotta you, gotta you gotta pull it together, like you're still at work, you know what I'm saying. And I really wasn't even cutting into her the way that I wanted to. I could have really watched you over

here. I could get black and ignorant and all it like. I could get ignorant too, but I wasn't about to take it there. So I'm like, let me pull it back. She's like, you're so disrespectful and rude. I'm like, I was never disrespectful or rude to you. You hopped on tip with me first for whatever reason. If there's not a problem, let's bring it back down. Okay, well let's bring it back down then. I'm not even sure why it got lit like this, because bro,

it's seven in the morning. I wasn't even on that, you know what I'm saying. And again, I was trying to help y'all. So I don't even remember what happened and how they walked thought for what, but she walked up. Now there was a lady that was sitting on the couch that saw the whole thing. It was people eating breakfast on the side,

just baking, falling off, they mouth all type of shit. So I walked over to the lady that was on the couch and I'm like, can you please just tell me like what you saw, cause I just want to make sure I'm not tripping. She was like, no, that lady was completely in the wrong. She's like, you didn't do anything wrong. Da Da Da da, I saw the whole thing whatever. And I'm like,

okay, So it just made me feel a lot better. You had to reassure myself that I wasn't tripping, like I don't know cause it bro It happened so fast it felt like a movie. So then I'm just sitting there talking to her just about the job. I'm like, today is my last day, and she was I was telling her about the job. I told her about the previous day when I needed to go to the hospital, how

they don't give a fuck about you, blah blah blah. So then I'm I'm calling the hotel manager too, So I called him to tell him what happened. I'm like, hey, you need to get here right now. He's like, what's wrong, what's going on? Da da da. I'm like, I just got into a heated argument with a guest and you need to come here right now because I'm about to go, like I'm about to leave, and I'm not trying to just walk off the job like that. So I need you to get here right now. Will walk me through what

happened? Motherfucker runs the cameras back y'all watch them bitches every day all day, listening to people's conversations, seeing what we're doing at the front desk, And now you want to hold play by player. First of all, my adrenaline is through the roof. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm furious, like I don't feel like sitting here telling you what just happened. So he's still asking me. So then, okay, I'm gonna try to walk you through this. Just me talking complete sentences. Dude, bro, I

told you to fucking get here. What else is there to say? You know what I'm saying? And my thing is if you can hear how upset I You didn't even ask, like, what if somebody had a gun in my head? If I was You know what I'm saying. First of all, it's definitely not safe in a hotel. I've had several instances where I felt unsafe in the morning, like it don't be no security there. It don't be no managers there in the morning, and shit be kind of popping

off. So again, you sitting on the phone with me, cause you don't want to roll off the bed and put on your motherfucking suit and come up here anyway. So I'm tired of trying to explain the story to him. So then he says to me, Jasmine, I'm gonna need for you to have the same respect that I have for you right now, or give

me the same respect that I'm giving you. I said, I am giving you respect, And then I go into you know, I was telling him, I'm like, I'm not going to continue to compromise my mental health, my physical health, none of that for a fucking job. I'm not gonna continue to be disrespected by guests, by management. What do you management? What do you mean? Why you keep saying management? Who's motherfucker? We don't have this conversation several times management, y'all are disrespectful. I said,

y'all don't even give me respect as a fucking human being. I told him that, what do you meet do I yesterday? You know, like, why do I gotta keep bringing up all these instances? I'm like, bro, y'all. Don't respect y'all, don't respect no employee. But I'm talking about me. No, am I disrespecting you right now? Okay, now you want to try to gaslight me, motherfucker. No, you're not disrespecting me right now. But and actually you are, actually you are. But

you know what I'm saying in this moment. No, but you have yes, y'all do so whatever. We end up getting off the phone and I'm still talking to the girl that was sitting on the couch and stuff, and I'm just like me, me being the good person that I am. I'm still trying to hold it out here. Mad as fuck. You know what I'm saying. I don't want to walk off the job and just leave the fucking desk. It's a cheerleading competition going on. It's seven am. You

know what I'm saying. People are gonna be down here. I don't want to leave y'all hanging like that, even though it's always been fucked me. So I'm sitting here having a kind with the girl shit and you know, we're talking about or whatever. She's like, yeah, man, they don't care about you. She was like, honestly, I would just leave I will walk off. I was like, you know what, you're right, cause what what am I being loyals? What am I being committed to?

Right now? Y'all, y'all don't give a fuck. Put on my purse, got the fuck on. So as I'm walking down the hall to the elevator, the other manager is coming in, so he must have got win real quick. He's walking in. Justine, what's going on? Today is my last day? I'm quitting. You need to go cover the front desk. Well, what happened? Stop asking me what happened? Go run the fucking cameras. It's inn HD high quality. The sound is impeccable, like

y'all can get it. What I just don't understand? Again, I gotta run this through again. I'm not going to comper my mental health, my physical health. I'm tired of being disrespected. Who's disrespected? That's when I really got mad. And it's so funny because it takes so much for me to get It takes a lot for me to really get mad. And I really don't like when people play in my face. What are you talking about? Who's disrespecting you? Stop fucking playing with me, bro, I'm trying

to walk. First of all, it's not good to just quit a job, you know what I'm saying like that, But I'm already trying to make this process as easy as possible, Like, hey, today's my last day. I'm sorry, I'm leaving like this whatever, But y'all keep fucking pushing the button with me, and I really want to cutsh y'all out. I want to call y'all every name in the book. But you know what I'm saying, just stop playing with me. I'm like, hey, you know

what, thank you for the opportunity. This job was good for what it was good for for me moving here at whatever deuces and walk the fuck off. And when I walked out, I blocked everybody in that bitch managers, everybody from house keeping and the other coworkers, y'all fake motherfucker's better than I text my phone period, Like you know what I'm saying, I blocked everybody and that was it. That was fucking it. And like I said, I wouldn't be I wouldn't be me if I didn't quit my fucking job on

my dad's birthday. So after that, like I felt a whirlwind of emotions. Yesterday I felt so many different things. For the most part, I felt free. I felt good. I felt like the monkey was off my back. I felt like a weight had been lifted because I finally removed myself from a toxic situation. I removed myself from a situation where I was not happy. I was not thriving. You know what I'm saying. I was going to work every day like not wanting to be there. So oh,

I was happy about that. And then you also have the immediate jump back into fight or flight mode and anxiety mode, like damn, I just quit my job. What am I gonna do immediately? I'm like, we don't know where our next paycheck is coming from now, you know what I'm saying, all of that stuff, But I'm like, but you know, you're gonna think about all those things. You know, you're gonna go through all those emotions and all of that, and then just the how you left what

I don't really give a fuck about. I'm never gonna try to go back and get a job. I'm done, you know what I'm saying. But even still, you got that shit on your resume. You know that in blackballed the bitch. So it's like, but I mean I'm just gonna tell my story or what happened moving forward, so all of that. But when I got back, and it's so funny, because my shit started at seven o'clock, I was back at home and been at eight o'clock. I was like, goddamn, that was quick. But when I got home, I

made a point to just really decompress, relax, clear my mind. I wasn't trying to worry about letting or get in my feelings or go down a rabbit hole. I'm like, Jazmine, just take this day to really process what happened, you know what I'm saying. So of course I called a couple of people, told them what happened, all of that, but yesterday was just the day to just process it all and be like, man, we ain't gonna think about no other jobs. We ain't gonna think about what

we're gonna do. Like you know what I'm saying, don't even stress us. Just be cool with what just happened in this moment. And just you know what I'm saying, let today just be day one, you know what I'm saying. Think about how you ain't got to get up and go to work tomorrow. So that's That's what that was for me also. So and then again, like I said, I wasn't really scheduled to record until next Friday, and I'm like, oh, hell no, I'm about to go

talk my shit. I immediately got online, like, let me book my little session real quick, cause you know, I'm gonna have to tell my story. But let me see. There were some things that I have wrote down about about this. So number one, and this is actually for two situations that I wrote down I have wrote down and remove yourself from the situation and the real problem will reveal it self every time. But that was actually about something else when I originally wrote it. But we'll talk about it.

So in life, you know, you're gonna deal with crazy shit, You're gonna deal with drama, all of that whatever. But and I'm not gonna say that, and I'm that I'm never part of the problem, because I absolutely am I and I feel like I always acknowledged that or state that. So in the situation that I originally wrote that about, I kind of had a falling out with somebody, and you know, I let them get all the shit that they needed to get off they chest you know, they said

what they needed to say. And my response to them was like, first, I apologized for X, Y and Z. You know what I'm saying. I apologize for my role in this. I acknowledged where I was wrong in the situation, and you know, and also pointed out some other things of the situation because I didn't feel that I was one hundred percent to blame, but I took accountability for my part. And again, the first thing

that I said, I didn't deny it. The first thing that I said was I apologize to you for you know what I'm saying, for whatever drama or whatever you felt that I brought to you. I apologized, and you know, and again I stated, I was like, what did I say? I said what I should have done in this situation and all of that, and I'm like, you know what, we could just chalk it up as like a lesson, learned whatever, and just move forward and told them

Happy New Year. I thought that was a very great response. I'm not gonna lie like I admitted fault. I apologized. I didn't. You know what I'm saying, I didn't. It was I don't know. I thought it was an awesome response, and it was. It was the honest to god truth. It was heartfelt, you know what I'm saying, Like it was real. They came back with a whole nother thing about well so x y Z two and I'm like, bro, I was like, I acknowledged

my part in this. I apologized, and I said that we could all move forward, you know what I'm saying, like, and we don't have to speak there's nothing else to say. So after that, I had sat back and I had just thought about everything that they said, and I really thought that they like went overboard with the shit that they were saying to me and just cutting into me. But again, you entitled to feel how you feel. I can't change that. I can't change your perception of the situation

or what type of person you think I am. I can't change any of that. However, as I began to just sit there and really just process and read everything that they said, I was like, it's given projection, bro, It's given projection, especially after my response, and I feel like they just wanted somebody else to be mad at. They just wanted somebody else to the place to blame on. And so again, like I said, like I said, when I apologize stuff, I was like, you know

what, I'm just gonna remove myself from the situation. I won't talk to you or x Y, you know whatever. I'm like, I remove myself from the situation because at the end of the day, there was so much more that I could have said. But I'm not that person. You know what I'm saying. I'm not gonna throw little blows. I'm not I'm not gonna do none of that. I'm like, cool, I'll remove myself from

the situation, and guess what the problem is still gonna remain. Not to say that I wasn't a part of it, but we all know what the real problem is. So again, I just remove myself from the situation. So the same thing with the job. Again. I had meetings with them about certain things. And I don't know if I said this on here, but one thing is I think I did say this. One thing with the job was from the time that I got hired and to the day that I

walked the fuck out, nothing changed. Okay, nothing fucking changed. When I first got hired there, we was getting emails on top of emails every fucking day. The scores are so fucking low. We're in the red. The reviews are so bad blah blah blah. I'm talking about from day because I remember and then like when I first got hired, I remember reading the emails like geez, like, what am I walking into? You know what I'm saying, I'm like, and I was feeling bad, like dang it

came you know, y'all sending this. So this was going on before I even got here, but it was just never really addressed. We were supposed to have some mandatory meeting that we never had, but like mind, y'all, that shit was going on from the jump. So all of that is going on again. And not to say that I'm not part of the problem, because it was some bad reviews about me, And again I had that conversation with the managers about why my attitude was the way it was, why

my energy was the way it Again, toxic workplace. The vibes are bad in that bitch. The moraleites fucking low. Y'all don't care about your employees. So no, I'm not gonna be here chipper as fuck with a smile every fucking day. I don't get a break, I don't get to eat lunch. Y'all don't want me to go to the bathroom again. The other day, I told you that I needed to go to the fucking er and

you told me that you had a meeting with the general manager. So no, I'm not gonna be performing at tip top, motherfucking you know what I'm saying. Like no, But again, it's a whole Jasmine hate train now apparently, And that's cool. But guess what, Like I said, when you remove yourself from the situation, the real problem is gonna reveal it. So it could be a Jasmine hate training that bitch. But guess what. The review is still gonna be bad. The numbers still gonna be low.

You know what I'm saying. There a guess has sent it or this was on a review to that every fucking department, the bar, the customer service was terrible, Nobody was enthusiastic about their job. Housekeeping fucking terrible, The shit is dirty. They didn't have a smile on their face. Nobody likes their fucking job. Front desk terrible, no smile, nobody. So again, it could be a Jasmine hate train all you want. But I'm gone now. The problem still remains. You still don't give a fuck about your

employees. Everybody feels how I feel. And I hope niggas speak up in that motherfucking mandatory ass meeting that y'all gonna have, because you know, hopefully I paved the way for niggas to stand up and say something because I was saying something to the motherfucking managers. And that's what they didn't like. Every time I said something to them, it was just oh well, no, like, no, take take accountability as a fucking manager. Terrible leaders,

terrible fucking leaders. And you know, I hate that it had to go down like that, but it had to go down, and I'm much better off without so. Another thing that I have said about this whole situation was taking it back to my yoga that I need to get back to. I need to get back to my yoga for real. That was another thing. Like one day I had posted on Instagram I had to do some yoga at the crib. I'm like, bro, I haven't done yoga in three fucking

weeks. You cannot let a job drain you. That shit will drain all of your fucking energy. It will drain the soul out of you if you let it. You have to stay true to yourself. You gotta, you know, keep up with yourself care routines. You gotta continue to exercise, eat well, all of you. Know what I'm saying. You cannot let a fucking job run you into the fucking ground, because it absolutely will. But one thing that I had wrote down here was that you know, in

yoga, we teach you know your matt your practice. Go at your own pace. Don't feel like you gotta be in competition with anybody or try to keep up with anybody. It's your mat, your practice. You have to know your limits of your body, how far to stretch, how much to do, when to pull back, when to stop. You know what I'm saying. You have to know your limits. You have to know your body. It's important to know that the body holds so much wisdom. Your body

is so fucking smart. We hold a lot of emotional trauma in our bodies, you know what I'm saying. Women, We hold a lot of emotional trauma in our hips and our wombs. All of that. You know, you might do yoga one day and fuck around and be crying on the mat and not even know why because you're releasing so much emotional trauma from your body. And I think think an important lesson that I learned, like with the job, and everything is like and that's the thing. So you know,

I was telling them that I needed to go to the emergency room. Right again, you want somebody to be here twenty four to seven all day, standing on their feet whatever. You want me to show up for you, But you're not even allowing me to show up for myself. You're not even respecting the fact that I'm like, hey, there's something wrong with me,

you know what I'm saying. And again, if you're a person that is a people pleaser or whatever, you go over and beyond for other people, you're going to constantly go against yourself or you know, put yourself in the backseat and make other people first in your life, or you know what I'm saying, Just focus on doing whatever for other people, ignoring and neglecting yourself. You cannot do that. And that's what I'm when I kept saying,

I cannot compromise my mental health, my physical health for a job. Your body holds so much wisdom. Your body knows when you're hungry, it knows when you're sleepy, and those when you know what I'm saying, So listen to your body that's getting in tune with your intuition. That's getting in tune with your body. If you ain't in tune with that, then you're fucked. But that's how you know. You have to listen to your body.

And even in other situations, you know what I'm saying, Like, you gotta listen to your body with people sometimes your spirit or your intuition to let you know, like you don't need to be around that person. You ain't never got an intuitive feeling about somebody. Your body gonna let you know every time. As a woman, if you are intimate with a man, your body's gonna let you know if it's a problem. Every time. He could say he ain't cheating, but somebody's telling me something else. So you okay,

you gonna know. So that's what I'm saying. You gotta listen to your body. Listen to your body for your mental health and your spirit period because at the end of the day, it's not worth it. Nothing else is worth it. Then you know what I'm saying that putting yourself first, you have to live in your body. Your body houses your soul. Your body is a temple that should be the only thing that matters to you. And like I said, before I had went to sleep that night, I

had listened to that self love meditation. I told you, I woke up just feeling like a brand new person, like I'm not putting shit over Like I didn't give a fuck about that job yesterday. I was like, I don't give a fuck. I'm out of here. It's not worth it to me. So look at the things that you're choosing over yourself and ast your self, is it worth it? Cause that petty a paycheck ain't worth it

to me. I don't need this job. I don't. And that's another thing, you know what I'm saying with the Jazmine hate train and anybody that want to talk shit, I really don't give a fuck, y'all niggas need this job. I don't. I don't. I could get another job, which you know, first of all, I'm not opposed to getting another job, but y'all know how I feel about jobs and shit. This right here, this is me, okay, and this is what's gonna take me to

the top. So while y'all at work looking at YouTube on your phone, continue to look at this, okay, Like I don't need that fucking job, and that's why. That's another thing. It was always a target on my back from day one when I stepped in that bitch. It was from the other employees and all like you know what I'm saying, Like it was just so much and it's like, uh, I don't even want to be in that environment. It was just toxic as fuck, and I'm glad to

be out of that so bye. Fuck. Yeah. And that was another thing. I think it was yesterday before I walked out, like I was just looking around in there. I'm like, it's nothing in this bitch that I would want to hang on to, not a person, not anything in here, Like I don't I don't care to be I don't want to be here. The vibes are bad, I don't want to be here. I'm not gonna miss it at all. So that is that. And that was another thing I got to tell somebody too, like all that time because for

a while, I ain't gonna lie. I was kind of stressing myself out for a minute, like cause I felt like my job was in the balance. I'm like, either I'm gonna get fired or I'm gonna walk the fuck out, like one or the other. But I was feeling like my job was in the balance. But little did they know. I'm like, nah, y'all, days is not with me, and I'm actually just happy with

the way that things turned out. So yeah, that that's that. Oh. I was telling one of my coworkers had called me today and we were just talking about the situation or whatever, and I was like, they wanted me to They wanted me to go out class list in that bitch they did, you know, And that's why I had to bring myself back when I had got into it with a lady. I'm like, Jazmin, don't let nobody get you out of character like this. You know what I'm saying.

I'm like, and I am on camera and it is you know what I mean. But that's what I'm saying. They would have been so happy to be like, see, look that you know what I'm saying. They can't wait to just paint some type of picture of me. And again, everything is my fault and the cool whatever put put the blame on me. But guess what, Jasmon's gone. So y'all don't shouldn't even be talking about me

no more, you know what I'm saying. But y'all definitely did y'all wanted me to go out classless in that bitch and the way that y'all was gassedlight in me and just kept acting like, well, what are you talking of? Like, but again, that's when people play in your face, and that's what makes me mad, Like, bro, stop fucking you know what I'm saying. That's gonna really get me mad. And the crazy part is like I've never snapped. Bro, I've never snapped in my thirty three years

of living. And I really don't want to have to snap. I don't want to. But motherfuckers really be pushing you to your limit, you know what I'm saying. But it's important to know that keeping your composure is greater than knocking a bitch's head off, you know what I'm saying, Like, you gotta understand the importance of being a master of your mood, a master of your emotions like you know, and I said that on one of these other episodes, like I don't want to be a hot head. I don't

want to lose or risk my freedom or over no dumb shit. You know what I'm saying. It takes so much strength to keep your composure. Should don't even be worth it should don't even be worth it. It takes so much discipline to keep your composure, and I'm proud of you know. She almost almost took me there. You almost got me out my element for real, And that's what people be long too. You know what I'm saying. You can't be the cool, calm, collective, unproblematic motherfucker they like we

gonna because they you know what I'm saying. Motherfuckers want to have some shit to say about it. Told you she was crazy, told you look, I thought you was spiritual. I thought you was this. I thought, like, bro, it could really go there, you know what I'm saying. But I don't ever want to have to take it there. It ain't It's not worth it to me. It's not worth it to me. Motherfuckers be wanting to trick you out of your spot is what they want to do.

And I'm sorry this see this for me, This is okay. This is for me, y'all. Y'all. Not on the mic, y'all, not on the tube, y'all. Use it's not happening for y'all. So, yeah, you wanted me to go out class list, but I still left out with a little grace in this bitch okay period hmmm, Now, okay, I have wrote something down about sugar Daddy that's funny. So you know that's another thing. At a time like this, you know I'd be thinking, like, dang, I wish, I wish I could be one

of them girls. That's okay. I got me a little sugar daddy. I got somebody that's just don't pay the to I got somebody that's give it. You know what I'm saying. But honestly, I cannot. I cannot be one of those girls. I don't know how y'all do it. I can't be stony off, set it off. I'm in a bine nate like I'm gonna just have to thuk it out by myself and be in a buying because I can't do it because I don't know. This was a couple of days ago at the hotel. It was a girl in there with a sugar

daddy. Show was a sugar daddy. She was extending her room one more night. I'm like, okay, well, I need to see your ID in your former payment. You know what I'm saying. For the new reservation. Oh, hold on, hold on, I gotta get the car. I'm like, what card she come back with him? He gotta show me his ID, his car. Baby. This man ain't had no teeth. He had the tongue like like that, like with no teeth. I was like, oh no, he had a wedding ring on. I don't.

It ain't tricking If you got it, I don't know, but I was just like, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I'm in a buying Nate. I'm gonna just thug go by myself. Like again, it's not worth it to me. First of all, I'm not giving up no sugar to you, sir. No, I'm not having sex with nobody that I don't want to have sex with period. And I'm not having sex for money. I'm not a prostitute like that shit. I can't. It's not It's just not in me. And I feel like I would much rather look how

far out and came on this road by myself thugging it out. I done came very fucking far, and I'm gonna keep fucking going. You know what I'm saying, And that's just that's gonna make it so much more rewarding in the end, is that I got this shit out the mud. I did it by myself. I did it in a very honorable manner. You know what I'm saying, Like, I ain't have to compromise my integrity, my morals, nothing like. You know what I'm saying, Like, I really

did this shit by myself. Period. So yeah, that that life is not for me, but shout to the girls that it is for city girls. Up. Let's see what else I wrote down. I don't know why I wrote this down, but I did. I said loyalty or respect? And I'm trying to remember what I was thinking about. Oh, I said respect. I'm gonna choose respect of or loyalty? Why? Because you could be a loyal dummy. You know what I'm saying. It's a lot of lay. Hey, I've been there. I've been there. I can't even

say you know what I'm saying. I feel like we all been there. You could be a loyal dummy, you know what I'm saying. You could be loyal to somebody. You could be loyal to somebody that don't respect you. You could be loyal to somebody that don't respect you, man or woman. You know what i mean. I'm saying, Look, you could be in a today I just saw on Twitter today and on TikTok for Sean is back posting blue face and he's in jail. She talked about free my baby

daddy. I'm like, girl, But again, I don't like to judge people because I feel like we all been there. But it's just like, girl, stand up, stop like what like. But again, that's that's loyalty, right, But it can't. It can't be loyalty over respect when a motherfucker just don't respect, you know what I mean? I need respect on her loyalty that's what it is for me. Yeah, that's all I

have for that, So fuck that job. But also I also came across some TikTok videos that was talking about like millennials and us being the generation of like the Burnout Crew and all of that, and it was just talking about how, you know, I was born in nineteen nineties, so I was raised in the nineties two thousands. It was pretty much talking about how like when we were growing up, we were taught from the generation before us, like go to school, get good grades, get a degree, get a

job, live the American dream. Somewhere along the way. We were also raised with the Internet. When the Internet really took off in that went a whole nother direction. And now fast forward to today, that go to school, get good grades, get a degree, get a job, like that don't really apply in this time. In this era, you know what I'm saying, This is the era of technology entrepreneurs, social media influencers or like degrees really don't even mean shit no more for real, Like you know what

I'm saying, Like it's a whole different time. So we come from the generation of hard work and all that, and of course you should be hardworking and all of that, but it's like it's just a different time. It's just a different fucking time. But I saw another video that was talking about just the burnout and all of that. So again with with me quitting my job and coming home, like as soon as as soon as my motherfucking head hit the pillow, I can't even just relax and just be at peace or

just have a moment to myself without my mind being in overdrive. Like Okay, now I gotta feel bad for laying that. Like you always feel like you gotta be doing something you I gotta be be and productive, I gotta be, Like even on my when I was working in on my days off, when I was at home, I would feel bad for being in the

bed. I'm like, Jazzmine, you can rest like you don't all like just the thought that we always gotta be working, we always got to be doing something like baby, just staying in fight or flight mode all the time. And again, quit my job. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm thinking about everything. I don't have a job, I don't got a check coming in, you know what I'm saying. I feel like I shouldn't be laying here. I feel like I can't even, Bro, I just

quit my job today. You can. You can lay down and just gather your thoughts. It's okay, Like, oh my god, when when does it in? When does it end? But that's why, I really just want to follow my purpose and passion in life and live a fulfilled life and do what I love. Because I'm tired of the matrix. I'm tired of the rat race. I'm tired, Like Bro, I'm fucking tired. I'm fucking tired, and I don't want to work a job that I fucking hate. I don't want to you know what I'm saying. And so many people

live like that. Bro, that's not the life that I want. Or I don't wanna fuck around and be my parents' age and still be working or you know what I'm saying, or retire and then have to still be working after that, Like, bro, what this is not what life is about. I wanna talk to God myself, like, bro, we are not supposed to be fucking going to work and just paying bills and die. That's not what this is. It's not It's so much more to life, and

I'm going to live it. I'm going to do what the fuck I wanna do. Period. I did have a good conversation with my homegirl today and I will say this too though I I do. I don't like the motherfuckers that be on your head after something happens. Okay, so what you gonna do now? We're you gonna get a job at now? Like broken? Can I relax? Can? I guess? You know what I'm saying.

But my homegirl, I did like the the angle that she took it though, Like we just talked about what I really wanna do, what type of jobs that I will want to apply for, And I was just telling her so maybe I right now I feel like it's my time to really focus on my craft, my creativity, my yoga, to the podcast. You know what I'm saying, Like, I really want to dive deep into that.

And of course I'm not opposed to getting a job. I had two jobs called me and I'm you know, whatever opportunities are good, because you know, I still gotta get money, so that's gonna be a thing. But for the most part, I want to just focus on my creativity and really diving deep into that and seeing where I can go with this, because I feel like I've been in this space so many times before in my life.

You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm tired of the job shit, and every time that I do get a job, I feel like it takes me further and further away from my purpose. I'm always stressed, I'm all. You know what I'm saying, I'm not thriving in those environments. It's not so I'm like, I I need to put myself in better situation that's gonna propel me forward and the things that I really want to do. You

know what I'm saying, I need to look at the radio jobs. I need to be looking at shit like that I need whatever, even shit with the yoga, I need to get back to focusing on that. Like my focus is just on a job and that's not really taking me nowhere, and I don't know, just doing a lot more planning and goal setting when I'm

at home and right now I have the time to do that. And so instead of taking all this time to let my mind overthinking, going overdrive about the negative shit or how I'm gonna do this, like you need to go overdrive on your creativity and your goals and what the plans are and what the what the real moves are, you know what I'm saying. So that's really just my focus for now. And of course, like I said, I wouldn't be me if I ain't quit my job. On my dad's birthday,

of course he came with the bullshit like what are you gonna work? Now? What you gonna do? If you gonna give me some money? Hit me up to texting me like you sure you? Okay? I just said, yeah, I really want to be like give me some fucking money. Why do y'all be asking me that? Just give me some money? Anyways, I purchased this little I don't even want to call it a game for realist but conversations with your inner self, because we all need to do some

shadow work. So you have the identified card, which uncovers your hitting psyche, the Integrate card to accept and grow from uncovered truths. Play best alone. But here I am giving y'all the insight to my shadow work and my motherfucking problems. So let's and then we also got the tearot cards too, But let's get into some shadow work. You know what I'm saying. Motherfuckers always talking to motherfuckers, always talking about me, Jay. You need to

work on yourself. You need to learn, you need to grow. And i'd be like, bro, do y'all not be watching this cause I be feeling like I'll be doing pretty fucking good. But motherfuckers be on my head like you ain't shit, you ain't like Okay, So let's get into some shadow work. Let's let's let's get into it. Let's get real deep. I'm gonna be honest, guys, Let's see what we get here. Hidden

desires? What hidden desires do you have? First of all, when I think of hidden desires, my mind just goes straight to like sexual, Like I don't know that's just where my mind went hidden desires. I don't know hidden desire. What hidden desires do I have? I ain't gonna lie. Well, okay, so one thing that I've never done. I've never been on a vacation, never went out of time with my man, and you know what I'm saying, got fucked over the balcony and all that type of

shit. So I want to like really travel out of the country somewhere and like just have a very romantic time and have a lot of crazy sex and yeah, a hidden desire qualities. So the second card is integrating what qualities do you see in others that also reflect qualities in you. First of all, one of my favorite quotes is delighten me honors and sees delight in you.

And I feel like I actually feel it said, Oh, I actually feel like That's one of my best and worst qualities is being able to see the potential or the best in somebody else, you know what I'm saying, Like even when motherfuckers be terrible fucking people and dogs you out and all of that, Like I still am able to see like the light in people, you know what I'm saying. Like I'm still able to see some sort of good in people. And I think that's because I see the good in myself.

And I know that I have flaws and I know that I fall short, but you know, I don't be as bad as other motherfuckers. But I know that I'm not just one hundred percent pure, you know. But I like to see the good in people, and I like to be able to encourage people to see the good in themselves. So what qualities do you see on others that also reflect qualities in you? Like with my homegirls, I like how they always gonna bring out the best in me. They gonna

be my number one cheerleader. They gonna always tell me I'm the shit, I'm that girl, you know what I'm saying. Like the podcast is lig you're you're a great mother, all of like you know what I'm saying, five five five on the clock. So yeah, they always see the best in me, and I always see the best in this parents. What was your relationship to your parental guardians, like during your teenage years? So y'all know that I was mostly raised by my dad the majority of my life.

So my parents were married. I don't know what age I was when they got married, but they were married for some time. They ended up getting a divorce when I was like nine years old. My dad was a serial cheater and after that I ended up living with my dad from fifth grade all the way up until the time that I graduated high school. Me and my mom's relationship was very strained during those years, and we didn't really communicate a lot. I didn't really see her a lot. I mean I did,

but it just wasn't a lot. So the relationship was very strained. I feel like I lacked a lot in that situation, like not having a relationship with my mom for real, like and that's something that I kind of always wanted, Like when you see girls like, oh, I got this super close relationship with my mom, Like I didn't have that. And I never really had like well, I did because my dad always had women around. He was always dating or always married. So I had like a motherly figure

in my life, but it wasn't my mom, you know. And not to say like I had good relationships with all of those women, but still it just wasn't my mom, you know. And I did have like I have siblings, m all of my siblings are brothers though, and then growing up, I had a stepsister that I was really close to. But again, like I don't know it just hmmm. So I feel like I really

suffered with that with not having a close relationship with my mom. I also feel like that made me feel like I didn't I don't really trust women like that for real. I'm not one of those girls, Like I ain't got I know, girlfriends or nothing like that, but like I just you know, you don't know how to bitches be. But and then when my dad. Growing up, I always felt like I had a super close relationship with my dad that was like my best friend. I was like my roll dog.

And you know, growing up I did see a lot of bad and toxic relationships because of him, But I wasn't really able to like understand all of that stuff at a young age, you know what I'm saying. But I for show took all the stuff in and I and I knew what I

saw. But it wasn't until I became a young woman, a young woman myself, until I realized, like, oh, that's not really the type of man that I want, you know what I'm saying, And like I really don't agree with the the type of man that my dad was, and so I feel like my idea of him kind of changed as I became and I'm talk about within the past few years, like like my idea of him

kind of changed. And I don't know, nah, I feel like we was closer when I was younger, because you know, I didn't I didn't know what the fuck was going on for really, you know what I'm saying. But as an adult, I just look at things differently. I mean, that's still my man's you know, that's still my dog, But it's just it's just different now. The relationship is different now. Celebration How can you celebrate yourself quitting your motherfucking job, putting yourself first, self care days,

taking time for yourself, doing what you love period. Okay, inner child, what is the relationship between your shadow self and your inner child? My inner child? I wish I could hear my inner child screaming because she is probably like ah, like for real, because and I feel like I'm doing a lot of work on my inner child right now. What's the relationship between my shadows and I feel like I'm trying to integrate the two and do the work right now, Like my inner child is probably happy as fuck.

She's probably jumping up and down screaming that I quit my job, Like fuck

y'all. She's putting herself first, you know what I'm saying, leaving toxic relationships around alone, leaving toxic people, you know what I'm saying, All of that stuff, like working through that and really just understanding why it's important to put yourself first or you know what I'm saying, or stop, yeah, just putting yourself first in situations, or speaking up or being vocal about stuff, you know what I'm saying, or like not going for certain shit.

It's very important. Every time that you do that and you put yourself first, your inner child is happy for you. Emotional triggers, Eh, what are common emotional triggers you experience and how can you regulate them in a healthy way? Some common emotional triggers for me? What's an emotional trigger? That's a good question. I don't know. I'm really trying to think what's

an emotional trigger. I'm trying to think of what gets me triggered. I don't trigger when I hear your name teggerud, when I see uh Fay chegger uh you need to stay out my way? Trigger uh, an emotional trigger

for me. Niggas are an emotional trigger, you know what I'm saying, Like when you fucking with somebody, and when you fucking with somebody and I don't know, they do shit to make you mad, that shit is an emotional trigger, you know what I'm saying, Or like I'm gonna just leave it at that, when they do something to make you mad, that's an emotional trigger. How can you regulate it in a healthy way? Process it, take your time with it, breathe, don't go the fuck off?

Don't you know what I'm saying. I don't ever feel like I really do that anyway. I'm pretty pretty cool communication. How does your shadow self influence your communication style? I'm not gonna lie to you. And I've said this on here many times before. I'm actually not a good communicator, Like I come on here and this is like my outlet, though the podcast is my outlet, but I am not a good communicator, like especially when it comes

to like romantic relationships and stuff like that. Like one thing another thing that I always tell y'all too, is like when I was younger, and this is why I wanna go to therapy because I wanna be able to dig deep and really understand why to some shit, you know what I'm saying. When I was young, my dad used to always tell me, like jazzmin you there you go again, you clamming up again? You like I would literally clam up and not talk, and people would be like, what's wrong with

you? And I would I just wouldn't say nothing. And it's not even like something traumatic happened to me or anything like I just wouldn't. I just wouldn't talk, and I shut down a lot. I shut down a lot, like especially in romantic relationships and stuff like that, or sometimes I just I do I take the easy way out, like I don't want to talk about it or what in it? I don't know, which is crazy because but I guess that's why I do need a lot of throat shopra work.

But I don't know what it is, maybe like I don't. At some point I must have been silenced or felt like I couldn't speak my truth for I don't. But again like I don't nothing traumatic happened to me where like I wasn't able to speak up or what's scared? But I don't know, And like even now, like as an adult. You know. I know that I'm working on speaking up for myself in relationships how I feel, you

know what I'm saying. I did an episode on the podcast one time where I was like, you know, sometimes I be at the nail shop and hate my fucking nails and I just like whatever, and it's like, nah, nigga, this is fucking terrible. Redo this shit like no like or you know, sometime it depends. It just depends. But I also just don't like to be that person, you know what I'm saying as far as like when it comes to customer service, But no, if you shit is

not how you don't want it, you know what I'm saying. The other day, I got some food and got all the way back to the crib, right to the room. This is what. Oh they let us stay at the hotel for a couple of days when they had the little artic blast shit going on. So got all the way back to the fucking room and my fucking order was wrong. I was mad as hell. I'm like, bro, they like take it back, and I'm like, I'm not. I don't feel First of all, I didn't feel like going back out.

You know, it was just it would have been too much to do. But yeah, I'm not the greatest communicator. But the question was, how did your shadow self influence your communication style? Mmm, it influences and it influences me to be like just don't say nothing like But I think that's also because I'm a very non confrontational person. So, you know what I'm saying. I don't like to I don't like to argue. I don't like to

make people uncomfortable. I don't like you know what I'm saying. So a lot of times I just don't want to deal with shit or don't wanna talk about it. So it's just like fuck it. But that's not good because then I suffer, you know what I'm saying, and then my needs are not met And yeah, forgotten self? What aspects of your personality have you

forgotten? Right now? What I think I always get. I always go through these little phases where I kind of forget little aspects of myself, Like like I said, with the whole job situation and how that one day I had to do yoga at home. I was like, I ain't did yoga in three weeks, Like not tapped into my not tapped into myself not tapped into my yoga, and again, yoga's very important. Movement of the body

every day is very important. But again, yoga really teaches you to be in tune with your body and your intuition, you know what I'm saying. So forgetting that aspect of myself, it's been a lot of times in situations with niggas. You know what I'm saying, You'll let a nigga dem your light and then you kind of forget who the fuck you is. Like, Bro, I'm that bitch showed off like you done, trying to put pipe me down, and you know you gotta get back up. So yeah,

ooh self esteem. What is the relationship between your shadow self and your self esteem? First of all, Kat Williams said, self esteem, it's esteem of your motherfuck itself. How the fuck I fuck up the way you feel about you, simple bitch? You know for real, that's real, that's real. That self esteem gotta be through the motherfucking roof. Okay, that that confidence, that all of that. But honestly, especially with this generation,

it's time. This era self esteem is crazy for everybody, for everybody. I noticed that the motherfucking work group chat ha wait, not y'all trying to have it at a restaurant. Not y'all trying to make me feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm about to put the whole details out on the podcast. We all gonna pull up to that bitch front desk. Meeting will be at what's three or eleven? Kitchen and cocktails. I'd have heard the kitchen and cocktails downtown. I went there. It's a black It was

a black restaurant. Uh oh oh, niggas is trying to be funny. Niggas is really trying to be funny, because let me tell you this, coming from the job where they don't care about motherfuckers. Now, when I first got hired there, we were supposed to have a mandatory meeting when I got hired there, but we never had. They kept saying, oh, medatory meeting, but it never happened. Everything that I heard about any previous meetings were always at the fucking job, three hours long, at the job

whatever. Oh that was another thing when we uh when they had us stay at the hotel for them two days because of the artic blast. Guess what they offered to give us to eat? Hot pockets? Bitch for who what? I made them buy me some pizza. But anyway, so again, y'all used to have y'all front y'all mandatory meetings at the job for three hours, I guess in the little work. Now y'all having it at a restaurant and y'all paying for food. That's another thing. That's another one more thing.

There was a girl there that quit around Thanksgiving. We ain't even gonna get into the store whatever. Apparently she lied about her whole little story about why she was leaving. We ain't gonna get into whatever. She quit, right. I had to tell the manager. I was like, hey, today's her last day. Was y'all gonna order some food from her, get her a car, say thank you for you know, your service. They weren't gonna do anything for her. It was because of me that they ordered

pizza and did all of that and sent her off. And I'm like, wow, again, don't give a fuck about people. And now she's coming back. So y'all little process can be streasing, but yeah not. Please get with them to confirm your entree selection to streamline ordering. We will be oh, we will meet at the property and headover together. Now I'm gonna pull up at the restaurant, like, Oh, I didn't know y'all was here. What's up? Like take me out the group chat? But okay,

so we all gonna meet at the restaurants. Y'all were gonna all pull up on them, But okay, anyway, Yeah, oh I was talking about self esteem. Yeah, it's a crazy time. It's a crazy time, social media, this generation, all of that. I believe that natural is the best, just natural face, natural body, you know what I'm saying. That's just my personal opinion. That's just my personal opinion. I

feel like the beauty standards and what people think. I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I feel like social media is so caught up in the you know, a certain look and all of that. And I really think that we all need to just learn to love ourselves more or just be happy with who you are. And if you're not happy with yourself, do whatever it is that you need to fix it without like going under the knife or doing something crazy, you know what I'm saying. But

it's a lot easier said than done, I guess. But Okay, my relationship between my shadow self and self esteem, my self esteem has never been through the roof. I ain't never just been like, oh, I'm the baddest been. I mean, I do think that of myself, but I'm not gonna lie. I definitely have self esteem issues. I think we all

do. I think we all do, even the pretty. And that's the thing, even the pretty, the prettiest for real, because when you think about it, when you think about somebody like a Beyonce, a halle Berry, all that type of stuff, all of them women be Kim Kardashian all of that shit, Like all of those women still be getting cheated on, you know what I'm saying. And these are the most beautiful, talented women

with the most money in the world. And so and that's why I hate niggas because and I think I kind of said this about offset of Cardi b too, Like that's the thing and that and that's why your self esteem cannot be You can't base your value or how you feel about yourself and somebody else, especially in a man. Because and I hate I'm not I'm not trying to make this a you know, drag niggas episode or nothing like that,

but just an example of that. So going back to the situation, okay, the situation with Cardi b or a person like a Chloe Kardashian right with Tristan fucking Terrible Thompson. So a person like that that's constantly cheating on you or whatever it is, like you start to feel a certain way about yourself, like, Damn, am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? Do I not bench? Just don't win under the knife seventy two thousand times? Is my body not good? You still cheating on me with

miss you know what I'm saying. Like you start to feel some type of way about yourself, But it's because you're placing your value in the hands of somebody else who gives a fuck what they think or what they want. First of all, motherfuckers don't even know what they want. Men men that cheat, that are serial cheaters and all of that, and just gotta have all of these women. Those men are not happy with themselves. They are very

depressed. Their heart is a black fucking hole. They need all that energy, they need all those women to make themselves feel whole, and still at the end of the day are not. They still never feel fulfilled. So put the value on you, focus on you, become the best version of you. Work out every day, meditate every day, eat good every day, focus on your goals and your plans and all. Okay, and baby,

you're gonna track whatever it is that you want. But also you're gonna be the best version of yourself, and a motherfucker ain't gonna be able to tell you shit about you. Be the best version of you. Get your self esteem through the motherfucking roof. I'm preaching to the choir. I'm preaching to myself right now. You know what I'm saying, Like, so don't don't place your self esteem or your value in the hands of somebody else. Place it in your own hands. Period. But yeah, like I said,

my self esteem ain't never really been through the roof. I think we all have insecurities. Uh, my biggest insecurity is my motherfucking fufah. Okay, what I go on in in the night, I don't know. I feel like if I really put in the time and really became health conscious, I told you, I'm really right now, I'm thinking about going back vegetarian. Yeah, but even if I just changed like eating habits and really go fucking hard in the gym or just get back to doing you see, that's

why I had to bring the braids back for the hot yoga whatever. You know, I could be where I want to be. But overall, like but self esteem is not just physical appearance. Self esteem is very much internal as well, you know what I'm saying. And you know that could come up with issues in your relationships with the people that you choose to deal with. How much shit you take off a motherfucker, you know what I'm saying.

What you what you deal with, what you go through. And again that's why I don't really like to speak on other people and shit like that, because just like I had brought up Krashan earlier talking about she she waiting on Blue Face to get out of jail, I saw the whole Zonique thing with her baby daddy on TikTok, and I was like, oh my god, what an am embarrassment. But again, we've all been there. But again it's it's always easier from the outside looking in, you know what I'm

saying. But like I said, I've been there before, and I'm working on myself. I'll be dealing with some bullshit my goddamn self. So who the fuck am I to say anything about anybody nurture what ways can you nurture your inner child or enterteam? What could I do to nurture my inner child? I think by doing this, doing the fucking podcast. Cause you know, I always knew that I loved like radio. I always knew that I like cameras and recording myself. Like my inner child is jumping up and down

doing this, like yes, we doing what we love. We can't like you know what I'm saying. And that's why this is so important to me. This is why I want this to be my bread and butter. This is why like I want this to be my life. I want to wake up every day they meditate, do yoga, to go report, go record the podcast, go do live shows. Go Like that's what I wanna fucking do because I fucking love this. And I could do this and not get paid, but I am gonna get paid doing you know what I'm saying.

I am gonna get paid doing this. So getting back to the things that I like to do as a child, this or just whatever what else do I like? What else did I like? I love music so fucking twerking, dancing in the mirror, singing, listening to R and b all day like shit like that. Like that's how I, That's how I. I do want to kind of shuffle these up for every reason. See if me pull something good out of the deck, they still texting. Oh the only

reason why I unblocked them was because they deactivated my direct deposits. Or now I'm have to pull up on Friday. Somebody said, well, I wasn't expecting the meeting to happen in the restaurant. Now I can't send my identical twin to sit in for me. Wow, is y'all gonna have this over drinks? Basketball wive style? All right, let's see secret se y'all trying to get in my business? What is your biggest secret? Why is this a secret? How would you feel if others knew? This is why you're

supposed to play the game by yourself? Because what the fuck would y'all want to know my secrets? I'm not telling this one. I ain't gonna lie. I'm not telling that one. What the hell? Negative habits? What negative habits do you struggle to break? Eating? Healthy? Trying? You know what I'm saying? Uh? I did they go to vegetarian for like two years? At one point? I never fully went vegan. It was very hard. It was very hard because I tried on different occasions, and

I remember, like the first time it was just very tough. But then I had like fucked around and just went cold turkey. What negative habits do I struggle to break? Oh? I say eating healthy? Well, I guess I meant to say eating bad, like I just love food. I love food. Uh? What other negative habits? Oh? Man, the negative self talk, the self sabotage, like that little voice in your head. I have to really work hard to control it and try to do better.

And that's why I'd be so big on like my morning meditations and listening to my guided meditations and stuff like that, because you really got to control that. Like even yesterday after I quit the job, it's like, oh, bitch, win got no money. We about to do? We about to Like you don't no, no, no, no, you gotta catch yourself immediately, protect protection. In what ways has your shadow self protected you? I wanna shuffle these ones up too. I don't know how has my

shadow self protected me? I don't know. I want to say, I really don't feel like my shadow self has how. I don't know. That's a good question. I don't have an answer for that. All right, Let's see then, I always just talked about this insecurities. What are you? I said, my FUPA biggest insecurities that avoidance. What do you try your best to avoid in life? Are there certain emotions attach to these things?

I told you all a confrontation, and I guess maybe, like deep, real conversation sometimes I feel like it kind of depends, like I'm not gonna lie, I'll be honest. I talked to my homegirl Cat the other day on the fly on some random asshit. We ended up being on the phone for two fucking hours, and it was an amazing conversation. Like we talked about so much. Talked about our yoga shit, talk about being on our spiritual journeys, talked about niggas, talked about work, getting money,

talk we talked about everything. You know what I'm saying. We talked about everything, and there was one thing that I wanted to talk to her about because we we was actually supposed to have a conversation at one point in the past about something where I feel like shit kind of I don't even want to really say when left with us, But like you know, something happened and we were supposed to have a conversation about it. We never had a conversation

about it. And that whole time that we was on the phone, we was having a great conversation. But in the back of my mind, I was like, I should bring it up and like, you know, just clear the err on that situation. But I never brought it up. But

I mean, we could still have a conversation about it. But again that's avoidance, Like I didn't want to, you know, have that realized conversation like, hey, that time that whatever happened, like you know, but it's crazy because it was never no ill intentions in the situation or nothing like that. But I mean, you know, I guess niggas felt like we passed it. Now, I don't know, but I didn't bring it up. Avoidance barriers. What emotional barriers do you use to prevent people from getting

close to you. I actually feel like I'm really a open fucking book, and I feel like, uh, I don't know, I feel like I I I let people in just enough. You know what I'm saying. I really gotta peep your vibe and your energy though, you know what I'm saying, I feel like I'm a very good reader of that most times I am. But what barriers? I mean, shit, just a motherfucking block.

Like, Hey, I don't want you to know that you don't like you know what I'm saying, or just don't say too much about certain stuff or whatever. I just gotta feel you out to see how much I wanna let in nightmare? What is your worst nightmare? Why is this your worst nightmare? First of all, since we talking about sleeping shit, I experienced sleep paralysis twice in my life and it happened a couple weeks ago. Scariest shit ever if you ever experienced it, and like, it is the fucking worst.

So the first time that it happened to me, I can't remember. If I was laying on my stomach or on my side, I can't remember. But sleep paralysis is like when you're sleep and there's this thing called rem sleep. I forgot what rerim stands for. But so it's like you either it's you either wake up while you're is it you wake up while you're dreaming or as soon as you about to fall asleep whatever, but whatever, yo,

some part of your body wakes up. The brain wake up or whatever right when you going to sleep or whatever, but you're dreaming, So you wake up and everything else in your body is shut down. You in that paralysis state. So then when your when your brain wake up, it going to whatever, crazy mode whatever, and you're unable to talk or move because your body is in the paralysis state. But now your brain is awake from

the fucking dream. Oh, so you go into the little paralysis state in your sleep to protect yourself or hurt or so you don't hurt yourself when you sleep. So anyway, so when you wake up, you can't talk and you can't move, and you, for whatever reason, you feel like a presence in the room. It feels like your mind. So this is when your mind is waking up. Your mind goes into like protection mode, and

you feel like a presence in the room. And sometimes it feels like it's something laying on your chest or sitting on your chest, and again you cannot speak or move for like however many minutes. So the first time that it ever happened to me, I don't know if I was on my side or if I was on my stomach, but that time I remember I felt like it was something on top of me, and I couldn't I couldn't fucking breathe, like I couldn't talk. It's so fucking scary and you cannot go back

to sleep after it. So a couple of weeks ago it happened to again, and this time I have noticed that I sleep on my back a lot, like I don't know, I'll just be laying in bed a lot, like on my back, and then I just fall asleep on my back. So I was on my back, and when I woke up, I felt a craze, like it felt like an evil presence in the fucking room. And I was trying to say, I was trying to talk, it's funny

now, but it wasn't funny. Then I was trying to say, get the fuck out of here, like I was trying to say, but I couldn't talk and I couldn't move, And then like it only went on for maybe like I don't even want to say, two minutes. It probably was quicker than that, but it felt like forever. So after that, oh, and it felt like the bed was moving. It felt like the bed was shaking at first, and that's how I woke up, and I was like, what the fuck and yeah, like it's such a scary feeling.

I could not go back to sleep that night. I got on YouTube and was just looking up videos about it and shit and like it happened to a to a lot of people. But it's very fucking scary. It's very fucking scary. Um, what is my worst nightmare? I hate them. I hate them. The nightmares where you getting chased by somebody or somebody trying to kill you and they never kill you, just keep on running. They get so close but they never catch you. I hate those types of dreams.

I recently had a dream that I was in the car with somebody and the car flipped over. They were driving, I was in the backseat. I always wake up and look at the symbolism or what dreams mean and shit like that. I want to try to, uh what is it called? I forgot? But I'll be trying to like become aware of my dreams. Like I never I'm never in my dreaming. I'm like, I know I'm dreaming. Let me try to control the dream, let me try to t I

want to get to that point, but I haven't got there yet. So I read something on the internet that said, when you dream, Uh, and you realize you dream and ask them in a dream, like what time is it? And like they're gonna go crazy on you, like Bitua was supposed to notice a dream like, Okay, signs? What signs let you know your shadow self is present? Mmm? When I'm fucking around doing some

toxic shit like low vibrational shit that I shouldn't be doing. And that's why I'm working every day, uh, to heal that, to work on that and my others. What traits do you see in others that you wish you had more of? This is a really good question. I y'all, I'm a pissy son. My sister sign is Virgo, and I remember for the longest well yeah, for the longest time, like, I never really liked Virgo women. Not just on no, like I don't like you, but

like any girl that I ever was around that was a Virgo. I'm sorry, y'all. I love y'all. Don't think I hate the Virgo girlies. I love y'all all my Virgos listening. But I just never really got along with Virgo energy for whatever reason. And but as I started to learn more about astrology and stuff like that, I was like damn. Like Virgos actually have a lot of the traits and characteristics that I need to work on. You know what I'm saying. Virgos are like very analytical people, They're very

organized all of that. Like yeah, and it's an Earth sign, very grounded, Like I need to tap into my Virgo energy. Another sign that I that get a lot of a lot of shit from me is Capricorn. And oh we're still in Capricorns, isn't it's tomorrow or ship. It has a queryus starting out, but Capricorn. I talk a lot of shit about Capricorns, especially to me, and I hate y'all, But like Capricorn is another sign that I really need to tap into that that energy because Capricorns be

about their money. They real grounded, they're they're very hard working. That they work ethic is insane, and that's you know, I'm I'm a motherfucking Pisces. I'm always in the clouds, super dreamy, super intuitive, always in my feelings. Like I need that and I and I've talked about that on here a lot. Like I'm just not a very grounded person at all, and that's something that I need to work on. So I need to

tap to my Earth energy and get on that. So yeah, Virgo energy and Capricorn energy is energy, uh, that I admire and that I want to tap into. Let me see, I'm gonna do a couple moreadies, I'm gonna get some good ones, though, I feel like this is a good one. Forgiveness, How does your shadow self affect your ability to forgive others? I'm holding a fucking grudge for life, fuck years, like na, how does my shadow self affect my ability to forgive others? I think

that I am able to forgive people. I think that it takes time for me to forgive others. I think, really what it is is that it takes and I don't even maybe it. I know that it takes time for me to forgive others, But what it really is is that it takes time for me to get over the situation. You know what I'm saying, forgive but never fucking forgive or it's just like I don't know, like you know it just me certain people in your mind like that, I don't really forget

that motherfucker like h Again, I don't know. I first of all, I don't even never be getting no motherfucking apologies for motherfuckers that beat the crazy part. Motherfuckers don't never apologize for the shit that they do. They act like I didn't do nothing wrong, get over it, or you know what I'm saying, like and at that point, and when you see that people are not even remorseful or have any remorse at all, it's like, I

don't even want to fucking apology from you because it's not gene. You don't mean it. You know what I'm saying, and it's you know. But it does take a while to get over shit. But I think I'm able to forget pretty easily. I just don't forget, and I'm not trying to get my lick back. I just want to be successful. That's the best revenge period. Let's see if we can find energy drainers. What always drains your energy toxicity? A job, a nigga, whatever, anybody that is

always withdrawing from your bank and never depositing. Do you ever pour into me? Do you ever give me anything? Do you bring anything of value to the table? Are you uplifting? Are you building with me or you know what I'm saying? Or are you constantly take take take, take, take, take, take, I only gotta it's only a couple people off the top of my head that pour into me and them be my homegirls, or just go around somebody and you could tell, like what the energy is.

How do you feel when you leave? Do you feel drained? Do you feel like you gained anything? Do you feel like you have some inspirational, motivational conversation? Do you feel like they inspired you? Do you feel like that you know what I'm saying? Or do you leave and just feel like, dang, I ain't getting nothing. You know what I'm saying? Like, you gotta look at the situations like that. Mmmm, let's find some good ones. Oh, let's just read this one cause this is a good

car. It says repeat, I am worthy in deserving of love and acceptance, just as I am period. Pooh, social media, How does your online persona different, I mean differ from your true self? Could this discrepancy reflect parts of your shadow self? How does my online persona differ from my true self? I think that I think that my online persona is my truth self. But I will one thing I will say though, one thing that

I will say. Sometimes I feel like I hold back on social media, like sometimes I be wanting to post certain stuff or say stuff, and I'd be like, oh, people gonna be like, oh that's too rashet or ooh that's nasty or you know what I'm saying, you don't want to do Like I feel like I'll be trying to appear to be like perfect, but right now my shit is just like this is just clips from the videos, my fucking yoga, some some little some face car photos, face card never

decline period. Uh yeah, Like I don't really do too much. Sometimes I be posting like funny memes on my story and shit, but like I feel like my persona is pretty much me. I don't know, you gotta ask somebody to be on my shit. Could this discrepancy reflect parts of your shadow self? Cause, like I said, sometimes I will post them and then I'll delete it, like nah, I shouldn't post that, I shouldn't whatever, And it's like you're fucking human, bro, relax, like,

don't take social media too fucking serious. Um, this kind of goes hand in hand with that hidden self. What parts of yourself do you feel like you have to hide at work? For school? Number One, you gotta coach, you gotta code switch at work. You know what I'm saying, you can't talk how you want to talk for real. You gotta put on

your little professional voice, you know what I'm saying. And then yeah, you know, you can't just be That's that's one thing that I did, like when I started, when I became a full time yoga teacher, so like at a regular job like working at the hotel or when I used to work at law firms and shit like that, I can't just be jazzmin When I was at the yoga studio, What up now? What up? Like?

You know what I'm saying, put your ratchet ass music on whatever, dancing just being like, you can't just you know, be yourself at work for real, you gotta put on that front unfortunately. But that's why I want to be able to work somewhere, be in an environment where I can be my true self. Like when I lived in California and I worked at h and I worked at Key the Sunglass store. I really really liked that

job because it wasn't like I worked at Lens Crafters too before. Lens Crafters is very you know, it's like very stick up the ass, regular gla. I mean they got designer glasses in there. But it's just stick up the ass energy, Like, no fucking vibes, no energy, you know what I'm saying. Working at Key Key was at more like a millennial type store. It was a very creative, artistic environment, a lot of colors, a lot of vibes, a lot of like you had to have personality

to work in there, and it was in the mall. So I loved that because I was able to be myself in there. So yeah, you gotta. You can't always be your full self at work, Like I couldn't imagine working at some of the places that other people work where they gotta okay and be theyself. I'm gonna call somebody else, but I'm not. Mmmm. Let's see, I'm gonna do a couple more. Let me go back to the white one. Let's do a couple more, and then we're gonna

get into some taro ooh change. What are five ways you have changed in the past ten years? Are these mainly negative or positive? First of all, let me sit here and really think about this real quick. What are five ways that I've changed in the past ten years? What fucking year is this? We in twenty twenty four? Why just go. That's over, even on y'all. Two thy fourteen, damn a bitch about to be thirty four, Okay, two thousand and fourteen. Twenty fourteen, I was twenty

four. I was still a mom at that time. My son was three. So twenty fourteen, it said water froreways that I had changed in the past ten years. So I'm just walking y'all through the it's where I was. So twenty fourteen, I was twenty four. Ian was three. That was around the time that that was around the time that me and his dad broke up. Uh, that was a time I ain't gonna lie. That was a time I really went through, Like mm hmm, I was going

through it. I ain't gonna lie. To go from being in a relationship for like almost four years and feeling like, you know, that was your person and stuff, and then being single, being a single mom, I ain't gonna lie. I got back. I got back in them streets. I got back in the streets for real. I was in the streets. Uh. That was a time when I was like really drinking a lot.

Honestly, that whole situation, it was just a lot to deal with coming out of a relationship like that, being a mom and like trying to figure out life, what I was gonna do with my life all, you know, always dealing with the workshit. At that time, I was working at UH I think that's when I had started working at the fuck. I think that was a temporary job too. I had worked at a call center and we was doing like the we was taking calls for like the what's it called,

the recalls on vehicles and shit like that. I hated that job. I met some cool people there though, but it was just that was a crazy time. So five ways that I changed in ten years. I got to a place where I really started to focus on myself. I stopped drinking after like I stopped drinking for real in the I don't even know, it's been a while, it's been some years. I stopped drinking. I would say that I really start to focus on myself. Focusing on myself and like

really that didn't clues like starting a podcast and all of that. Really getting on a spiritual path or just trying to like find my own path and my own beliefs and what type of life that I wanted to live. I started to become more active. I love yoga. That's more so in this time. What are some other ways that I changed? I was gonna say, just like trying to level up in want better in all aspects, including like

romantic relationships. But even still I still see I do want change, but I also see where I haven't changed, because I like, if I could line up all the niggas that I've ever talked to for real, First of all, the mental illness is gonna be like bitch, is that like what is? Yeah? But also I kind of see like the similarities and the men that I choose mm. But there even through the mental illness flow of

the chart. I also again remember earlier when I was talking about seeing the best in people and seeing the potential in people, like even though I'll be dealing with some fuck the best niggas, Like you could also see on the chart like where it was like, oh, you could see where you got on the spiritual path and kind of start talking to niggas. That was kind of you know, a little more evolved or elevated on some type of level even like but the fuck niggas still being there, but you could see like,

Okay, whatever are these mainly positive or negative? I feel like all of my change been a positive, very positive. I feel like I'm going in a good direction. I feel like I'm going in a better direction in my life. I definitely see the growth. I never felt like I was just a super childish ass bitch though, Like I never like, you know what I'm saying, like I you do things at certain ages or whatever. But like I don't feel like I was just out here too crazy, all

right, I just want to do one more of these. I like these. Let's see hmm, I didn't see anything good. Let's see anything for the white, anything for the white. This is a good one. Let's end it off with this child self. If you could speak to your child self, what would you tell them? What would I tell little Jazzmine? Really? What would I tell little Jasmine? And what would I tell teenage Jasmine too? Cause like in my mind, I'm really in my mind,

I'm really thinking about what would I tell teenage Jasmin? Cause that's that's who really needed some talking to. But let's see the child me though, mm, to just be you and do what you like to do, you know what I'm saying, Don't worry about no other little kids or whatever, Like whatever you into whatever you wanna do, do what you like, don't worry about nobody else. That's what I would tell my child self, my teenage

self. I would tell myself to get intune with my intuition and always like, go with what I feel, never nothing external, go with what you feel real. Yeah, we'll leave it at that. So that's enough conversations with my inner self. Maybe y'all wrote some of them questions down or feel like y'all should ask yurselves them questions. Let's see what the motherfucking vibes is, what the energy is with the terror, and I'll be back again on

Friday recording again. It's the fuck niggas at the bottom of the deck for me, not the Seven of Sores and the Tower. It's giving. It's giving that whole ass job is what it's given. That's what it's given. Again. The universe is going to when when you the tower card is when the Universe gotta step in and and tear the whole motherfucking shebang down Like bitch, We told you to leave, We told you the house was gonna be

on fire. You were still in there, lily gagging, and we had to come in and burn that bitch down and not you know what I'm saying. And seven of sores is just giving fuck nigga like on that sneaky chick on that. It's given the job. That's how I really feel. Glad I'm up out of there. I'm glad, I'm up out of there. Let's see what are the vibess. Sleep on it, Sleep on it,

and then get back at you when I wanna four sore words. Any conversations you got on your mind, any conversations you need to have with somebody, sleep on it. Gather your thoughts before you go in the ring page of pentacles. It's given, it's giving, it's giving. Sleep on any new opportunities, you know, because again, like I said, I got the I got two calls about a job. You know what I'm saying. So it's like, you know, have whatever conversations you need to have, fill

it out, and fill it out. Sleep on it, you know what I'm saying. Before you actually make a decision, damn not pop up the devil card. Sleep on it. Okay, it's given, it's given. It's given that the devil, the negative energy, the t is given, is given. Toxicity is trying to come in with an offer. It's given that the toxicity is trying to come It's given that the toxicity is trying to

come in with an offer that's crazy as hell. It's given that the toxicity is trying to come in with an offer, and I they gonna be acting like it's a it's a uh. They gonna be acting like it's a gift of love. Okay, that's too many. That's too many. That's too many. Let's see, it's this is too many. This is a lot of this is a lot of fun cards. That's too many. So real conversations being had, fake offers. I wouldn't really t I wouldn't really trust.

I wouldn't really trust offers. I don't think they're I don't think they're authentic. That's too many cars, too, I don't think they are. It's so many cars that's coming out this. Give me one at a time. Okay, we'll take these two. Okay, damn. Ten of sores, ten of cups. It's it's given that it's not an authentic offer. It's given wolves in sheep's clothing like, okay, so again, I said to sleep on it. Whatever this co whatever this communication, this conversation,

is coming in. Somebody's coming in with a offer. It could be Oh I wanna invest in you, I wanna give you some money for this, or I got a business idea, or we could do this together. Double card toxicity, the devil right, fake love offer. Oh yeah, I got this. You know I want this ten of Cups with you. But bitch, I'm really gonna stab you in your fucking back. It's given that the offer is not it's not real. Ten of wins, nine of cups. I don't know, man, it's is this person really willing to put

in the work? You know what I'm saying, Cause whoever this is is doing it all bottom selves. You coming in with this offer? You you know what I'm saying. I got this idea, I got this plan. It's only one person here doing the work. I got the whole thing by myself. But that's also why I got the nine of Cups by myself. You know what I'm saying. So are we in this together? One of my favorite Day twenty six songs? Are we in this to get okay?

And we'll end it here with the Queen of Wanes and the Starcard. Hm, I don't know you you make the decision on the energy that's coming in and people giving offerings and saying they want to work with you and do stuff or whatever. But understand that don't be the don't be the person in the group, in the in the school group that's only doing the work by themselves. You know what I'm saying. But even if you are, good things

are going to happen. Good things are coming for you, okay. Queen of Winds in the star, Queen of winds energy giving like that bitch energy okay, influencer energy, full of passion, creativity, ideas, all of that shit. The star card very healing energy, restore, renewed, restored and renewed energy. So I don't know, just just be leary, be weary of you know, anybody coming in with any offers. But understand that

A you gonna get it done. You you are okay, whether or not the they in it or gonna help you with it, you know, keep your eyes on motherfuckers, but do the work and it's and it's gonna pay off. Do the work yourself, regardless of if motherfuckers is there helping you or not. But don't don't don't accept no bad investments don't be uh funding your ship with no with no bad Boy Diddy money. We don't want that, you know what I'm saying. We don't want that type of shit.

But so those are the vibes. Those are the fucking vibes. I hope y'all enjoyed this. My advice to y'all is to keep it pushing, just like I am. I ain't gonna lie. I'm very proud of myself just because you know, I had to think about this, like I'd have been through so much being here in this very short amount of time. And like I remember in my first situation, like my first little incident here, I was like, damn, I ain't got nowhere to go, but I gotta

but I got a job. Now I'm like, I got somewhere to go, Like I got somewhere to stay, but I ain't got a job, you know what I'm saying. So it's just like this shit just fliped. But at the end of the day, I just keep fucking going. You know what I'm saying. You gotta kill that self sabotage. You gotta kill the negative self talk. You know. People then at a couple of people to ask me like, oh, so what's you about to do? Not go back to Detroit. I'm like, Bro, that's not even in the

cars, that's not even in my mind. Like, just keep fucking going, but get real fucking focused, and really, you know what I'm saying, Dive deep into your creativity, into your passion, into your purpose. Really, get on your grind, really get your finances in order. Bitch, I'm gonna be up there on Friday for my check, So don't fucking play with me like I'm gonna be in that bitch talking about I can't come back on the property. Bitch, I'm here. So yeah, But I

hope that y'all enjoyed this. Make sure that y'all follow me on all platforms at helling my Homies Black Girl Experience on TikTok, subscribe to the YouTube, make sure that you like this video. Make sure that you just keep going up, up, up, up, up, up up up up, and away. I'm out and I'll see y'all in a couple of days.