Leo Full Moon

Alright, if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready, is what they say. So we're running this back again. Just have some technical difficulties. And I said on the first one, don't be judging me that I'm be trying to cancel me because I got this drink here. But I had to get something to drink all the way in here because I left my drink at home. But welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, Jasmine Dan Yell back with another one. I'm feeling great, somebody said,

I hope you feeling good as I am. I'm feeling great. I'm at work. I'm at my real job. So I'm back with the continuation of last week. I want to talk about how today mark seven days since I walked off my job. And I know that they're all here watching. Hi guys, thank you for the views. No, but I just kind of want to talk about that and you know where I'm going from there. So on the last video that was last m oh no, that was last

Saturday, but still okay. But it's been seven days since that happened. And like I said, the first day that I quit, when I got home, I just went home and decided like, I'm gonna just chill, I'm gonna just relax, I'm gonna process what happened, blase blah. But I also decided to make some type of a plan for myself. So the idea was to create a daily routine for myself for the upcoming week, because, you know, working a job, I'm not able to have a daily

routine. I get up at six am and hurry up and get ready and shoot to the job. You know what I'm saying. I do have my little things that I do in the morning, as far as my meditations, my affirmations and all of that shit, and just trying to set the tone for my day. But it's very important to set a daily routine for yourself to get in a groove of things, especially if it's a certain type of lifestyle that you want to live. So I made this big granddads plan and

I did a lot. I was proud of myself because I was actually really productive that day. But I made this big ass grand plan for myself about what my daily routine was gonna be for the next five days. Did your girl follow it? Absolutely not. I failed at the daily routine, but it's okay. And you know what, I gotta stop beating myself up about shit for real. But that's what I'm saying about, like experiencing burnout and

just like really being like tired and stressed and just needing a break. I'm telling y'all, even when I was working a job every day, on my day days off, I would feel bad for want to lay in the bed all day. You know what I'm saying, for one to catch up on rest or just relax. And it's like, Jasmine, you don't have to feel bad. You don't have to be productive every second of the fucking day. A part of like feeling restored and renewed and rejuvenated is getting rest.

You cannot be a green light twenty four fucking seven. Sometimes you're gonna be yellow, sometimes you gonna be red. You need to stop, you know what I'm saying. Like, and I think that we all just live in this burnout culture of just gotta be productive, always got to be doing something like I'm not about to work myself to death. I'm not about to do it. You know what I'm saying. You deserve rest. You watching this video, you deserve rest, period. So that's what I just kind of

had to realize. So even though and my thing was so like I had rolled it out and everything, like I'm like, I'm gonna still get up at six am every day, which number one, I'm gonna wake up at probably about five. Sometimes I wake up at three am. I usually wake up during the witch in hours too. Sometimes I wake up at three am, scrawl on my phone, go to the bathroom, can't go back to sleep, or I go back to sleep. Sometimes I wake up about five

or six. But my body is so trained to get up, like I have not slept in since I don't know when, like for real, like my sleeping in days ended after I became a mother, and that was almost thirteen. Well yeah, thirteen years ago. He's gonna be thirteen in March. I haven't slept in in years. So like my body is just trained to get up early. But I have wrote that down, like I'm gonna wake up at six am still, I'm gonna listen to my morning meditation and

affirmations. I'm like, I'm shower and do everything like I'm getting ready for work. And then I said that I was gonna write in my journal and just do all this shit. Pick out what I want to upload on my Instagram for content whatever. H I said. I was gonna do yoga like I had this whole little thing planned out, and I ain't gonna lie. I my body woke up at the time, but I didn't get Oh. But you know what really threw it. This is what really, this is

what really made the plan fail. My power went out. On Monday was raining and my power went out. I was like, cool, I could just chill in the bed. I mean, I was up, but I was like, I ain't gotta get up up. It was dark as hell, So I'm like, fuck it, but I'm not gonna lie through the rest of the week. I didn't one hundred percent follow through with what I was doing. And that's okay, because I felt like I need to rest. You know what I'm saying. I need to chill. I get up

every I was getting up every goddamn day going to work. Ain't miss a day. I worked in that bitch for six months straight. Ain't never call off, ain't never miss a day. So, bro, you know what I'm saying. And then you do got your off days. But again, feeling feeling guilty for wanting to rest, that's a problem. That's a problem, bro, that's a fucking problem. So again, it wasn't like I was just laying in the bed all day not doing shit. I was still

being productive. I was still uploading my content, I was still writing in my journal, I was still applying to jobs. I had a couple job interviews that I went to, so I would still be The point is to just be productive, but also find that balance, get your rest, like, don't burn yourself out, don't kill yourself, and don't feel bad like baby, don't don't let the world tell you what fuck you need to be doing. Just do what fuck you need to do, do what you feel

is best for you. Period. So yeah, I feel that my daily routines. Another thing that I put on there too was like meditation. So most of the times when I listen to God, I like to listen to guided meditations where people are talking talk talk me through it, baby, you talk me through it, for real. I listen to guided meditations a lot because just pure meditation by yourself as hard as fuck. I'm not gonna lie, it's very hard. I'm talking about like sitting up and really like really

having a silence on mind. I still struggle with that, But I say, Okay, for this week, I'm gonna do on Monday, do one minute of meditation just you know, with nothing else, just sitting there Tuesday, two minutes Wednesday three. So I want to encourage y'all to do that. So, because meditation is very hard, I'm not gonna lie you, a black nigga. My mind is going like your mind is not gonna shut the fuck up when you try to meditate. That's when the voices get the

loudest, like, bitch, why are y'all talking to me? Why? Like you think about everything under the sun, baby, and if you an overthinker like me, your brain just never shuts off. Ever, I would hate to be West. I can't even imagine what goes on in his head. Like, but yeah, so I think that if you do want to

start off with meditation, I would say start like that. So next week on Monday, dude, and you can set the little time around your phone for one minute on Monday, two minutes on Tuesday, three minutes Wednesday, four minutes on Thursday, five minutes on Friday. If you get up to Friday and you meditate for five minutes just in the complete silence, you Gucci. Okay, you on your way. So I would just say that, and again I think that don't judge yourself for what comes up in your mind,

don't you know what I'm saying. You gotta allow your thoughts to pass like visitors just stopping through. Okay, you just and become the observer of your thoughts and just watch them, bitches, all the bad thoughts. A lot of people you want to I don't know if I should say that. Let's okay, whatever, all your crazy thoughts, your bad thoughts, nasty thoughts, good thoughts, whatever. Just become the observer of your thoughts and just let them pass, you know what I'm saying, until you get to

a place of like, dang, my mind is clear. But whatever. So that's just a tip for y'all, I think, and you know, a little encouragement to start your meditation. Like I said, I had a couple interviews. I had a couple phone interviews and then I had some in person interviews and they went good. But also I just I feel like I felt two ways about it. One, I'm going to these interviews because I still gotta get money. I still gotta pay bills, I still gotta figure

my life. You know what I'm saying, I gotta do what I gotta do. But also I was just going and I was having interviews like I really fucking hate this, Like I don't want to know how much longer do I have to do this shit. I know I'm only thirty three, and motherfuckers like you still got your whole life to work. Man, some gonna have to give. I'm not doing this forever. Like I just saw a video on TikTok too. Somebody was talking about they changed the they changed something

so about you gotta work till you seventy. They're like, bitch, I'm not working. I'm not working till I'm seventy, or I'm gonna be doing what I love. You know what, i'ma be doing what I want to do and it's not gonna feel like work. But I'm not going in and punching the clock for somebody until I'm seventy. And I talked about that before, about how like my dad is a retired police officer, but he still has to work. He retired when I graduated from high school, but he

still gotta work. Like I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. And then I saw a video on TikTok that was a girl was talking about it's day four being unemployed, and she was like, I just had an interview and she was like, uh, what did she say? She was like, I know I'm not gonna fucking get it. I know I'm not gonna fuck get it cause I can't sit here and pretend like I'm passionate about being a receptionist. I'm not passionate about being a server. Like dead ass.

She was like, this is not when they asked you when you were younger, like what do you want to grow up? A bean? Not a motherfucking receptionist, bitch, not a server at fucking Bennie hanahor like no, no, so, and actually there aren't servers at Bennie Hannah's, hon. They just got the little cooks at but whatever, you know. So, yeah, I had a couple of interviews. They well, I got

an interview tomorrow. And another thing about that that I was thinking about is like, I feel like we have to change the narratives with jobs and corporate

America and all of that shit. And it's so funny because all I did was upload one video, one little clip from this and I put a hashtag quit my job on it on TikTok, and ever since then, a whole little sleeve of videos that came up about like people quitting their jobs, millennials specifically, but people quitting their jobs, a whole bunch of like videos about

people really giving the game on how foul the work industry is. I'm talking about employment lawyers talking about managers and hr like trying to get people fired, people like and this is real life shit with people telling their stories like this is how I got terminated. This is da da da da. Just it's a whole lane for that. And that's why that's why motherfuckers hate TikTok. That's why they want to ban that shit because it's too much truth being told

on TikTok. So I don't feel bad about it. And I was not even I'm gonna call you back. I was not even terminated. But that's the thing. So remember I said that I felt like my I felt like my job was in the balance, Like if I wouldn't have quit, I was gonna get fired. They was putting me on the chopping block. You know what I'm saying. I already got ridden up. You know how that go don't think you gonna write me up and have me signed off on the

paper and just think I'm good. They was having interviews and all that shit after that, so I already knew what time it was, so I don't really feel bad about it. So yeah, like I said, it's like it's a whole lane on TikTok for that for like the injustices in the workplace. So hm. Another thing is oh so with changing the narrative. So you know, something that I have to deal with now is like I got a whole job on my resume that they're gonna ask, like, so,

what happened at your last job? And you gotta be like, damn, what happened at my last job? What is your last job gonna say about you? Well? Nothing, nothing but bad things now. But even still, like I'm still gonna I'm still gonna speak my truth about why I quit.

You know what I'm saying, there was a long laundry of reasons why I did what I did and how I felt about how I was being treated and just you know what I'm saying, So like it could be a bad look or whatever, but I'm gonna just tell the truth, Like what else can you say I can't just be like I was here for six months not working. I could, but then they'd be like, but even still, that's another thing I hate about jobs. So what's up with this this gap

in your work history? Bitchall was taking a fucking break, Like I've been working all my life. I was unemployed, I was looking for a job. I was like, it's I just hate it. I hate it all because the people that are being interviewed for the job are lying a lot of the times. But the motherfuckers that are doing the interview y'all are lying too. I'm gonna start asking a bunch of questions about the work culture, cause you know, motherfucker's love it lie. We're like a family here? What

family? Because cousin Faith fucked Terry husband on soul food, So what kind of fan is this? Like, we're like a family. And then you get in that bitch as a toxic work environment. Not all the time, but you know what I'm saying, Like jobs be selling you a whole dreaming and you get in that bitch and be like, what what is this? What did I sign up for? So I'm asking helly questions. What's the turnover? Rate, Like you know what, I'm saying, what do y'all

need to improve on? What do y'all reviews say? What a what would the what do the employees have to say about working here? Like what's the worst part about their job? And then you know, I've been doing my research on Texas law, and I mean, I guess, I guess by law, they're not required to give you any type of breaks. But I'm asking about all of that now, like this has to be mutually beneficial.

I can't just be breaking my back for y'all and y'all nigga's treating me like shit, like no, especially when I worked somewhere for six months straight and never fucking called off, Like give me a fucking break, bro. I feel like that experience taught me a very good lesson, even though I feel like it was a lesson that I kind of already knew, and I feel

like everybody should know. So, Like friends in the workplace, I've never went into a job seeking friendship for real, Like you know what I'm saying, I'm cool with people. I got work friends, coworkers cool. I always say, like I don't want to have conflict with people in my job because you be with them ninety nine percent of the time, but actually being friends with people at work them motherfuckers. It's not your friends. What blade

Ice would say friends is just what you say friends is just friend. Friends ain't really friends, just some cool last niggas, Like they just some cool last niggas. For Like, you don't really become friends with the people that you work with. I mean you might. I do have a couple of friends that, like, I'm still cool with outside of a job that I'm no longer at, but even it's just a difference between work friends and your

real friends, the people that I'm still friends with from previous jobs. Like it's two that stand out in my head for sure, my homegirl Kyla and Marquita. I'm still super cool with both of them. But we've always literally been work friends. We feel like, I'll go to it's theay birthday or whatever, they having something for their birthday, go out for their birthday,

might go to a concert together. Me and Kyla stay in the DMS every day, like we and me and Kyla stopped working together and like two thousand of what nah no, I start working there at like two thousand, maybe thirteen or something like that. And these are not people that I talk to on the phone every day or something like that, but we still cool. But you know what I'm saying, It's just that's your work friend. You know what I'm saying. I don't talk to them every day like that.

We ain't like best friends with them, your work friends. But you know, sometimes you make those lifelong work friends. In this instance. I do remember when I first came in. I remember the manager was telling me, like, don't tell your business to nobody in here, like, don't get cool with like be weary about what you say. And these are things that I already know. And I still I don't feel like I over shared any There was nothing that I shared with anybody in there that I would be ashamed

of or embarrassed. I feel like I'm an open book. I talk about everything on here, so it's nothing like everything that I ever told anybody in there. Everybody on the podcasts already fucking know. So it's and even still there's nothing that somebody could go say about me that I haven't already said about myself or I don't really care that, you know. But it's still the fact that like I knew, I knew there was some underlying motives and energy

behind people in there. You know what I'm saying, But I just keep a cute smile. Hey girl, you know what I'm saying. Like I already knew what it was. But now that I'm out of there, and you know, I've heard many many things since I left, and it's only been seven days, I've heard many many things. But it only just further confirmed some things that I felt or you know, kind of low key already knew. But again, I was just in that bitch, keeping a cue.

I don't like y'all. Niggas is not my friends for real, you know, And a motherfucker that's gonna gossip with you is gonna gossip about you. And that's what you gotta know, you know what I'm saying. But it's whatever. And like I said, people are watching, and apparently they've been watching this shit for months, So again, thank you for the views.

Keep fucking watching, yeah, but for short going forward, Like and like I said, it wasn't like I was besties with nobody in that bitch or nothing like that, but even still just coming out of it, it just and just hearing certain things and all of that it's just like MM. But again, I already knew. I already knew. I already knew the fucking vibes, you know. But hm, Also, I guess motherfucker's got the memo to take me off the motherfucking group chat. And that's what I'm

saying. Either y'all, y'all had to have watched the video or something. Y'all seen something because I'm not in the group chat. I ain't getting no more text messages about the mandatory met They probably didn't changed the location. I wasn't gonna pull up on y'all for real. I'm not that petty. However, y'all are petty. So today was pay day, but I was informed that I could come pick my check up yesterday. So I asked, what is the latest time that I can come? They said they was their house.

Like okay, I'm gonna be there within thirty minutes. I get all the way to the motherfucking job and I'm calling like, yo, I'm here to get my check. Oh, I'm not on the property. What the fuck did you tell me to come up here? Then? Like get But they ended up giving me my check and then I'm there just kicking it. With the valet waiting on my lift and I get a call. You gotta

get off the premises. You can't be here telling me to come pick my check up, and then telling me that I can't be on the premises as wild as fuck to me, like I'm not in this bitch burning it down. I'm not throwing burgers at y'all fucking ahead. But I just said okay and I left because again, what did I say on the last video? Y'all wanted me to go out that bitch classless as fuck, y'all wanted you know what I'm saying. Somebody was like I would have been like, no,

that ain't why argue, why do that? I've been put out of better places, and I don't want to fucking be here. But also, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna make a scene. I'm not gonna step outside of myself. I'm not gonna get out of character because I know that's what people want from me, just so they could be like, see, told you told you she was a problem. You know what I'm saying, that's what people want you to do. You cannot give niggas the ups, bro, you get No, I'm not gonna do it, so

I left gracefully. So I think that's pretty much it with that, Like, you know, I really don't want to give it too much more energy. It's beneath me and I'm past it and I'm moving forward. I'm at work right now. I'm doing my job right now. So yeah, that's that, uh switching lanes. First of all, look at this top. Remember what if you've been following the podcast, y'all know that I used to do Freaky Fridays every fucking Friday. So I've got on my Freaky Friday shirt

with my little nipple one. I was just saying, like, my real nipples are probably down here. I don't know who this shirt was made for, the small TD bitches, but yeah it's cute though, I guess. But yeah, happy Freaky Friday. So let's and if we ain't gonna get back into how we used to, but just real quick because this came today and I'm like, I'm about to bring this up. Do y'all have a freaky Twitter? Do y'all have a freaky Twitter? What's a freaky Twitter?

I just learned about this this week and two people told me about this, So this is like really a thing. You know how y'all got fenced us and little fake Instagrams and all that motherfucker's got freaky twitters where it is a Twitter page specifically for Twitter porn. And I ain't gonna lie. I'm not knocking it. I understand it. I'm not knocking it. Let me tell

you why. But I could see why somebody will also call somebody weird, especially maybe like a dude for doing that, but I kind of understand it. So a Twitter page, an anonymous Twitter page specifically for Twitter porn. Motherfuckers watch porn. Motherfuckers watch porn, right, so like just having a whole with it for all the freaky pages that you want to look at.

And then it's not even like I understand it too, because don't nobody just want to watch no straight up porn like xxx dot com or whatever fucker webs you know what I'm saying, or porn hoob like you kind of want to see some real shit like and it was kind of lit. I ain't gonna lie, I'm like, what y'all be looking at? So, but nobody wants to tell me their their their page, you know what I'm saying.

They gotta be an anonymous type thing. You know what I'm saying, You can't be following you your sex Twitter page from your real Twitter page, so it's like some real anonymous shit. But I was like, okay, I kind of fuck with it, but again, somebody also might look at you like you a fucking weirdo. You created a whole Twitter page for some sit like, but stop acting like y'all not some fucking horny ass animals when y'all

are, so I kind of understand it. It was the person who sent me something today was like, yeah, this's I'm like, Okay, you into some some real freak shit. Not you think I'm a freak. I keep telling people like I'm very regular. I'm like very vanilla like. I'm just like I don't even think like I'm super freaky, Like I'm just a regular. My thing is I just like sex, you know what I'm saying.

Like, and I you know, I do anything with my dude, I guess, but I'm not like just into no super freaky kinky shit. But I fuck, I kind of fuck with the with the with the with the freaky Twitter like I didn't make one. I don't think I'm gonna go that far, but it was cool. Nobody wanted to share with me their personal page. But that's the thing. So let me know if y'all got a freaky Twitter, like I knew y'all was freaks for real? What else?

What makes you block someone? What do y'all blocklists look like? Let me pull up my different blocklist. Let's see. So we have the the cell phone blocked list, which none of y'all motherfuckers is available for parole. Let me see really for me, what makes you block someone? I block, first of all, definitely gotta block the little like the little spam like messages that come to your phone, like the fake FedEx, Like how do

y'all even begin my shit? Block that shit too? But irritate you as niggas I don't know, But no, for me, I'm blocking someone to protect my piece, blocking to protect my piece. I don't block people a lot like you gotta be like, I gotta be into it with you when you just being super fucking irritating, like maybe you're calling back to back to back to back, you know what I'm saying, or like on some just what I don't know. I don't block people a lot, but I block

to protect my peace. I ain't even gonna say that one because you can't give motherfuckers too much credit. But I don't blocked some people before in my day, and my thing is too like I'm big on I'll let the motherfucker have a conversation with themselves for so fucking long. And I don't want nobody think I'm specifically because this person don't even know who the fuck I'm I'm talking about somebody specific and wouldn't They wouldn't even know I was talking about them.

But and it's it's it's a female, it's a girl like but with people peer period, I will let you have a conversation with yourself so you could just look dumb as fuck like you know, but yeah, to protect my piece now on social media, I would say, I don't know, I block anybody that look like a fake page, like bitch, come come look

at my shit from your real page, come real page. Any weirdos again, Dudes that just be irritating or you don't fuck with no more or something like that, And it's like, uh um, I had a blocker, dude, because I don't like when people play dumb, like if you're gonna try to get on or whatever. Just do that. You ain't gotta be a fucking weird though. If I'm posting all the time every day, everybody knows that I'm in Dallas right now. You know what I'm saying. My

location be tagged on a lot of my shit. You know I'm in fucking Dallas. So one day somebody go DM me. Uh I was, I was taking a video in the beauty supply, was like, oh, why that looked like Dallas? It is Dallas? Oh how long you been you look at my shit every fucking day? Block because because you should have. Just you better learn how to do a pickup line or something. Sorry, And then came and follow me on TikTok. I'm like, you're a fucking

creep, but yeah, blocking to protect my piece to fake pages. Mmmmm niggasdad lost they chance? Itch is that I really should have knocked your head. Family members blocked? Uh who else? So here this is the Instagram block list family members. This one was always really weird to me. It was a pa it ain't on there no more. There was a page and I'm not saying that it's him. I don't think it's him, but it was also very weird. It was a page that had my baby daddy's number

in the bio. It didn't have no followers or nothing, but it was blocked. And again I'm not saying it was him, but that was always very weird to me. Weird as him. Yeah, I don't know, the Instagram goes kind of crazy. Fuck, so yeah, just to protect my piece and then I'll be seeing the shit on like the Internet where be like, oh, dudes, be blocking girls? You real sassy, like, no, protect your piece? Can't You could block a bitch because bitches

be irritating as hell. Bitches be Oh my god, bitches are so petty and they're so irritating, and especially ones that run off at the fucking mouth. I will block bitch quick like. Anybody that disturbs your piece needs to get blocked and deserves it. So that's it for that. I think let's get into some more shadow work conversations with the inner self. I got this from the TikTok shop. I was actually looking up some other things like but really, what I really need to do? I really need to uh come

up with my like my own questions and shit. And that's another thing, like even for like journals and all of that and journal prompts. I really need to come up with my own shit. But I'm like, I like doing this. I like reading from here. Childhood trauma. What experiences did you have as a child that impacted you in a negative way? Why was this so traumatic? Immediately? Immediately, And my dad is gonna tell me that I make this up? Gaslight me, please, What experience did I

have as a child that impacted me in a negative way? Why was it so traumatic? He gonna be mad, But I'm telling I mean, I've already told this story before. But my dad was always in toxic relationships, always, always, always, always I'm talking about well, I don't want to say always, it was just one in particular that was just super fucking toxic. And I mean like they used to argue and fight all the fucking

time. Like, and my thing is as a kid, that shit is scary, you know what I'm saying, Like to see people fighting to like be at each other's day. My dad and my stepmm were both police officers that had pistols. Okay, got the strap in the house, and y'all

going, I'm talking like pulling guns Like that's traumatic, that's scary. As fuck, you know what I'm saying, And just even if it wasn't that deep, like just as a kid watching your parents argue and fight, like and just not knowing where it's gonna go, that shit is scary as fuck. Have you ever been into an argument or a crazy like a crazy situation with a dude? You get to feeling unsafe, like you don't know what's gonna happen. Like it's a very scary and traumatic feeling. So yeah,

that definitely impacted me in a negative way. That's why I don't like confrontation. That's why I don't like to argue. You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't like that shit at all. And I don't ever want to feel unsafe in no situation period. And as a woman, you know, I don't ever want to be in a relationship like that. I would never want my child to see that. It's very traumatic. Admiration. What traits do you admire in others? Could these be? I feel like I

answered that when I was talking about the science. Last time I tried to, I went through an I took some of the ones out that I did last time. But in her child, in your childhood, what did you not receive? How has this impacted you? So? One thing that I read online one time was that whatever your love language is is whatever you lacked as a kid, and I was like, damn, that's pretty good. So you know, there are five love languages. My top two are words

of affirmation and quality time. Best believe, motherfuckers wasn't affirming me. Best believe I an't get on quality time with my parents. So and those are the things that I like. I want you to affirm me. I want you to reassure me all the time. I want you to tell me x Y and Z. I want you to tell me that you love me. I want you to you know what I'm saying. I want you to tell

me all of the things. And then quality time Like I do like going out and shit, but I like chilling and I like quality time with my man. I want your undivided attention. I want like, I just want to be with you. I want to lay up under you. I want to talk to you. You know what I'm saying. I don't want you scrawling on your motherfucking phone all night. I don't want you like you know

what I'm saying. Like, I really like quality of time. But that's also something that I didn't really have as a child when I think about it, Like I told you, I was really raised by my daddy. He was like always in relationships and shit, but they were either always at work. My dad was like a professional bowler on the side, so he will always be bowling or going to bowling competitions, uh, or be at the

motherfucking balloon saloon at night. And it's so funny because that's like the spot now for all the people my age, like niggas be at the balloon salon. Uh. He would be there when I was in high school or they just was never fucking there. And then another thing was like when I was in middle school, they was never at home. And that's and I had a stepsister that was two years older than me, and I ain't gonna lie,

that's how I kind of like. She was older than me, and you know what I'm saying, she had niggas and shit, she was inviting niggas over to the crib. So that's kind of how it's like, I'm like, Okay, well I'm gonna to invite my boyfriend over, and like that's just how it was like cause my fucking parents. Was never at home, y'all, was never around, so Doug and I ain't gonna lie. My daddy definitely came home one time when my boyfriend was at the house and

he was like, what is he doing here? I'm like, we was working on our black Planet page. Bro. Yeah, yeah, so need to be with your kids period. The color of what color is your anxiety? And why hm hm my anxiety, I'm gonna say red. And when I just thought about anxiety, I was thinking about y'all know. I talked about this on the podcast before, like before I started doing yoga. What really kind of inspired me to start doing yoga was I had fainted twice.

I had went to this little like outdoor festival with my homegirl and her homegirl, and granted I did. We was hot boxing in the car and then when we got out we smoked again. But I don't really think it was just that because I was dealing with a lot. Yeah, I'm telling y'all, it was a lot of stress and anxiety and shit it was I feel like it was the summer it was hot outside or with it, but I don't know it. But I don't think it was just because I smoked.

I don't know, but I fainted twice, hit my head on the concrete. And but and this is how I know it wasn't just that, because I kept having those feelings even after that, after that happened. Like I remember one time, I had went back to work right after that, and I was at work one day and I was like, fuck, I'm starting to feel like it again. And I was I don't know, it was a lot of anxiety. I was just dealing with a lot and I, man, it's not a good feeling. Matter of fact, one of my

homegirls I just talked to her. She was like, man, I feel like I was about to have a panic attack the other day. That shit is scary as fuck to really experience that. Like, but I just say, red, that's just the color that I popped in my head because it's like red makes me think of like alert alert, Like, so, yeah, anxiety is no fucking fun. Disappointment. Think about a time when someone you looked up to disappointed you. What were your expectations? All these bitches

is my son? So I was like, no, who do I look up to that disappointed me? Who do I look up to that disappointed me? I don't want to throw him under the bus again. Sorry, Dad, but you're the only when it comes to my mind, I don't know who do I look up to? That disappointing mem I'm sorry, I'm just gonna throw you under the bus. It gotta be him, and y'all know why, just because I'm just not not a fan of the way that he treated women. M no fears. If you had no doubts, no worries,

or no fears of the unknown, what would you do? What would you do if you weren't afraid? I would do every fucking thing. I would do every if I wasn't afraid of anything, if I wasn't scared, if I did Oh, how'ma do this? Homma get the money to do this? What? Like? I'll be jumping off the mountain, just living in my dreams. And it's so crazy because you actually can do all of

those things. Whatever it is that you want to do, whatever you see for yourself, whatever the vision is, you can absolutely do your thing those things. We are the only things, or you know, we are the only people that hold ourselves back. Is it's the self limiting beliefs, It's the mind frame, it's all of that, or it's not having the you know, feeling like you don't have the tools or the resources to do something.

You could do whatever the fuck you want to do. When I first started doing my podcast, mind Job, I've been doing this shit for six years, but the entire time that I've been recording my podcast, I was doing that shit off my phone. Motherfuckers used to be like, you record this off your phone. If y'all go back to the episodes and listen to the little ad that comes on in the beginning I'm talking about. I'm recording my podcast at home in my bed on anchor. I literally used to be

at the crib in the bed recording podcasts straight off my phone. I never had a mic. I didn't have a fucking camera. But that's why I'm doing this now, because I want to elevate my shit, and I feel like it's time to get the YouTube and the visual popping, Like I want to look professional as fuck, I want you know what I'm saying, It's time to do something different. And also I feel like video is better.

I mean, audio is cool if you're in the car or whatever, or if you just listen and while you clean up the hot, but like I like to watch shit for real, you know what I'm saying. I feel like it makes you connect deeper with the person too, And you could put a face with a voice, so it's like damn and it's hurt. Oh that's hurt. Fine ass? Yeah, So whatever lies? What do you often lie about? Uh? I often lie about. I feel like an easy one for every look at me trying to throw on everybody. I feel

like an easy one. Is like on a daily when people like, hey, how you doing, I'm good you I should really just start stopping. Motherfucker's like, actually I'm laid on this bill d D. Don't get like you know what I'm saying, I'm good, but shit like that when you tell people I'm good, you know, I never really want to be a burden of people. Or I think a lie that I often tell is like

I'm just not one hundred percent about how I feel about something. It's just like whatever, Like I'm straight, Like, bitch, no you're not. You're mad as fucked putting yourself last? Where are you putting yourself last? Why did you put aside your own needs? Baby? I'll talk about this all the time. I always put myself last. And that's why I'm in the last place right now in life, because I always put myself last.

And I think that it's a hard thing for women to understand because we always want to be everything to everybody else, especially if you're a mother or if you're a wife or wom and I'm not that, but I am a mom, so you know, it's like you put everybody else's knees above your own. You gotta be all of these things at once. And that's why we need to get back to a place where women can really just be in a soft girl, feminine the era for real, because like women should not have

to work as hard as we do. We be in our masculine energy alive. And actually I took a little screenshot of something that I saw, I think it was on Twitter. It said, yeah, women aren't designed to handle a lot of stress. We can handle it because we are smart and responsible and capable despite what toxic masculinity says. But our bodies can't. Our bodies and our hormones aren't designed to handle a lot of stress. Being burnt out as a woman is also different than being burnt out as a man.

The physical, mental, and emotional symptoms are different. Stress affects us differently, Like, for real, we be having a and that's the thing. Then y'all like, well, y'all want to be equal. I never said

I wanted to be equal to a man. I don't want to have to go to work to go get the make it and bring it home, cook the dinner, uh fucking feed the kids, get everything together, you know what I'm saying, Because dudes come home and that's I know a lot of I know a lot of married single women for real, that's not talked about a lot, And I'll save that for you know, somebody else gotta come

speak on that, because that ain't my life. But I know a lot of merried single women that you know, they gotta get up and go to work too. Then you gotta come home and deal with the kids by yourself, cook dinner, help with homework, clean the house. All that still fucking nigga sucks. You gotta do everything, and it's like, damn, I'm burnt out. Help me like and men just feel like, oh, I just gotta go to work and go provide for the family. They don't

believe in being an emotional support to the kids. Having emotional guidance for the kids. Raising the kids. Oh, here's the money, go take Like what you gonna take them to the games? You go do that. You take them to the doctor's appointments. You be up all night while they sick. You be a nurse, You cook dinner, You do this. You then, but we want to come home, have my dinner cooked. House better be cleaned. But this bitch just worked forty hours a week too.

Put yourself first. Okay, if your job is on that bullshit, put yourself first. If your man is on that bullshit, put yourself first. Like, stop being everything to everybody else. Put yourself first. Inner conflict,

What is your greatest inner conflict? Mm? My greatest inner conflict, I would say, like my negative self talking, just my self sabotaged, like and I really noticed it in the past, Like I remember, I don't even know what New Year it was, maybe like twenty thirteen or fourteen or something, And I remember I'll selling myself like i'm'a work out and da

da da da. I remember it wasn't even fuck. I don't even think it was like New Year's even I was already talking myself out of be like girl, you can't do it. You ain't about to get up and work out every like, That's what I'm saying, Like, you gotta talk to yourself nice. But I would say that's the greatest inner conflict censorshit What causes you to conceal or censor yourself? Audience? Maybe depends on who it is,

you know what I'm saying. You gotta adapt to certain environments, you know what I'm saying, Or you gotta be a chameleon in certain places. So I guess it just depends on who I'm around. I feel like I kind of answered that one last time, just the same thing. Self talk. How do you speak to yourself when you're angry with yourself? Does it different from how you speak to yourself when you're angry with other people? Hmm? How do I speak to myself when I'm angry? I'm a mean ass

bitch to myself. I'm not gonna lie like I be so hard on myself. I be so hard on myself. But I catch myself like as of recently, I catch myself like sometimes I can't even think I know it was something I said to myself in in the bathroom in the morning the other day I said something like, I like, but it's funny cause I talk in a very jokingly type manner. Anyway. I'm a like a joky type person, so like I kind of be playing, but I kind of be for

real. So sometimes I be like, you a dumb ass bitch, like I'm jazzing. Don't talk to yourself like that. You are very smart. You are intelligent. You are very intellectual. Like you gotta catch yourself or maybe you know, it might be a bad hair day or whatever you feel, you know, not feeling like you look at your cute it's like, oh my god, I look ugly as fuck today, Like, bitch, you bad as hell. Look at you? You fight like, so you

gotta catch yourself. Oh but that's not angry. But still whatever, when I'm angry with myself, I don't. I'm trying to think of the last time that I was really angry with myself. I don't feel like I be angry with myself, like I'll be mad, like you did some dumb ass shit. It's really just it'd be a constant just dwelling and dragging on it, like why the fuck did you do that? You did that? Now this, now, this, now, this, you know what I'm saying,

But you're human, get over it. Does it different from how you speak to yourself when you're angry with other people? Again, I'm just not really an angry type person, you know what I'm saying. It really takes a lot for me to get angry. Uh and even still, like I really just be holding back. I probably would be easier on somebody else than I am on myself, which is crazy, very crazy stopping freedom? What

is stopping you from experiencing freedom? Mindset? Just the fear of not knowing what's on the other side of stuff, not being a risk taker, which actually I am out of took some risks, okay, and then you didn't moved across the country a couple of times. So I feel like I'm definitely taking risks, But uh, it really just be mindset. Enterteen. Who were your favorite teachers and why this is a good one. Let's stroll back down memory lane my favorite teachers. I don't know how far back can I

go. Um, I don't remember kindergarten, first grade. I think my third grade teacher was MSUs Moore. Elementary'all went to uh Saint Mary's. It was a Catholic school in Detroit. It was a lot of black people though. It was a lot of black kids. And it's so funny. I still, like, I still talk to ev not everybody, but like I'm still friends with everybody on Instagram that I went to elementary with, like still Ganggang. Fourth grade, I think her name was missus Snyder. Nobody

liked her. Uh you know what's funny too, Like on TikTok and social media now, everybody like the teachers be fine as hell. Now. Back in the day, them them teachers was ugly as hell. I don't want a body shame, but y'all just would They wasn't cute, you know what I'm saying. They was old as hell. Fourth grade was Miss Snyder. Fifth grade was Miss Rogavon. I liked her, uh oh and okay so, and that was still elementary. That was when I was at a damn

what was the name of the fucking school? Adler Adler Elementary. I had missus Rogamont for fifth grade, but I wanted to be in missus Dean's class so bad. She was a black teacher, Like everybody was in her class too. And I still talked to all the kids that went to Ayler like we are friends on Instagram too. Sixth grade obviously, you know, that's when you got like seven classes, so I don't really remember. Oh I remember missus uh, Missus Devers. That was the gym teacher, and I

think she was the track coach too. I remember in eighth grade rest in Peace Chris King that was my first boyfriend and eight grade baby. He had me doing everything. I joined the track team for him, and a bitch was not a runner at all, okay, doing fucking I was. I don't even remember what I was running, but joining the track team for him.

We skipped I was skipping school rest in Peace Tierra too. Tierra Tierra was if y'all know, y'all know, but for the people that doesn't know, Chris was my boyfriend in eighth grade and Tierra is his niece and she also RP. It was bad as fuck. I told you all. My middle school was just bad as fuck. Yeah, we was skipping school. I got caught when I skipped school because you know, they call home and

left the little voicemail. We went to the mall and shit. But I think that was probably the only that's the only time I remember skipping school. I wasn't really on it like that, but no, I was gonna say about miss Devors. Uh. It made me think about it because one day we did. Me and Chris got caught kissing. We was in gym class. It was like a little free free Friday or whatever. We could just do whatever you wanted. We was like up in the little weight room and

we was kissing. We got caught. Uh, I really did you know what? I really wish I would have pursued back then, gymnastics. I used to love the uneven bars. We had, like the uneven bars in the gym, and I used to love man. I wish I would have been cold. Now a bitch can't even do a pull up. But yeah, let's see high school up high school now. Some of my teacher, some of my high school teachers ended up getting in trouble for fucking with the

students. I feel like, ah, I remember all the girls thought mister Peterson was fine as hell, little fine ass, dark skinned, ball headed due He was fine. Mister Peterson was fine. Mister McLaren was fine. He was a white dude with a tongue green. I don't know who else, I don't know it was all missus Seaboard. I loved missus Seaboard. That was the foods teacher. We had foods and she was the UH contemporary

life issues teacher. We had a and for our senior year, we had to make this little booklet thing about this about our senior year and shit that we would remember later on in life. I ain't I don't have a book no more, but I had it for a long time, and I wish she had this little thing she would make us say at the end of class. I don't remember it. I only remember about five words. Listen, Please remember when you drive today, I know, like Kristen or somebody else

know it. Please remember when you drive today. Something about where your seat belts, haste makes waste. I don't know, it's real choppy. I don't remember it. Uh, those who those who failed the plan, playing the field, something about haang. I wish I remembered it. Something about uh like greate minds, mediocre minds and something greape minds talk about. I don't know, idea, I don't know whatever, but I wish I would

have remembered it. Probably something good to to remember and be saying every day now. UH. And who was the other what was the miss Trupiano? She was a food seacher too. She was always really not she had a real squeaky voice. Uh. I liked her. Coach Flerity, the gym coach, the football coach. He fucked with me heavy, probably because my brothers went to the same Like my brothers are six years older than me,

but they went to girls too, And it's so cracky. That's how you know, Like I get bitch, is gonna love my brothers to the day they die, Like when I tell you, like I said, we six years apart. So my brothers graduated at high school in old one oh one oh two. So by the time that I got to high school, it was bitches in there, like your brother's the twins. I'm like, why

the fuck do y'all know who my brothers is? Like what? But I think that's why coach Flarerity fucked with me heavy because because of my brothers, and he had a class. What was that class? It was like a I don't know, it was some type of class I wanna say. It was kind of like promoting therapy or some shit. It was something that like and that's really needed in schools too. Fucked with coach Flaherty. Who else?

Damn, y'all ain't really that fucking memorable teachers? Mm? Yeah, that's all I really remember for the teachers, I think, is it anybody else that I'm missing? That's it. My counselor wasn't all that it was a black lady, but she just sad the principal was black his son went to the school. MM yeah, that's all I can remember. Again. Why we y'all want me to be angry so bad expressing anger? How do you express anger? Do you bottle up your anger or blame others for causing

it? I don't really get angry. And now I feel like, since I keep saying this, I feel like the universe is gonna try to test me real soon, Like all right, bitch, let's you don't get angry. Let's see, let's see. That's what they gonna do. It always happens, I talk to fucking much. I don't. I don't want to get angry. I don't. I don't know, but I mean, I guess I'm gonna blow the fuck up. I told y'all, I've never snapped. I'm not trying to. Don't don't, don't come sending me no test

to be angry. I don't want to be angry. Y'all want me to be angry, so fucking bad? Anger triggered these y'all? Somebody about to try to make me mad? No anger trigger? What makes you angry? Why does it make I stop? I'm not trying to be angry? Angry? Birds? Damn change? Do you prefer change or do you avoid it? And why? Let me tell y'all. I'm not gonna lie to you. I hate change and I know it should not be that way. I'm working on it. You are supposed to embrace change. You have to understand

that change is inevitable. Life is a constant change, constant change. Look at technology, the way that it is evolved, computers, phones, cars, The seasons changed, the weather changes, people change, you change. Hopefully you change your draws today. Change embrace, but no, for I hate change. I don't like I don't like doing new shit. I hate being new. I hate having to learn new shit. I do I just I know I'm working on it. Safety. What makes you feel safe?

Why does this bring you a sense of safety? I like being in a safe energy. I like feeling protected. You know what I'm saying, like you could be around a certain type of dude and just feel like, oh okay, I can let my hair down. I feel safe here, you know what I'm saying. Or feeling safe in somebody's energy. Being in a good area makes me feel safe, you know what I'm saying, Not feeling like I'm in danger or in the hood or around some shit that's about to

pop off, or being in a sketchy area. Like I like to feel good about my surroundings and I like to feel good about the people that I'm around. Hm, is there envy? Is there a certain person you envy? When do you catch yourself being jealous? And why is there a s I am? I try not to be an envious person or a jealous person. I'm not gonna lie. In romantic relationships, you get territorial, you be a little jealous no matter what. That's a romantic relationship. But just

like period, like, I don't try to be an envious person. Like you know what I'm saying. I try to congratulate others when they win. Not I try. I do. I congratulate others when they win, you know what I'm saying, And especially when it's people closest to me, or just if you in my area, in my vicinity. You know what I'm saying. Like somebody at work had got a brand new car and I was happy as fuck for him. I'm like, Damn, that mean my blessing

close. You know what I'm saying. When people around you get blessed, that mean that your blessing is next. So I don't try to be an envious person. The only thing that I could really think of is and this is just me being honest, This is like the closest thing that I could say to like envying a person, and it's I don't like to think of it as envy, but you know, I feel like it was a bad

way to feel. I'm not gonna lie. I kind of used to feel some type of way about my baby daddy because I felt like we was together, right. We was in a relationship for almost four years, got pregnant, carried your child, had your child, you know what I'm saying, put my life on hold, dropped out of school, you know what I'm saying, and you were still able to live your life and do everything that you needed and wanted to do to become successful. You know what I'm saying.

And so at the end of the relationship, when it was like what you're gonna do with your life, it was just like, bro, you gonna do me like that, you know what I'm saying. And so to you know, just see somebody just kind of move on what they life is like, you know what I'm saying. And it's not even like my thing is I was cool if we wouldn't go be together, you know what I'm

saying. But even just the way that I got treated after everything was over, it's like, you don't do that to somebody that really held you down. And you know what I'm saying, And really, you know, he gonna say the responsibilities was always fifty to fifty. But my thing is real women though, you know what I'm saying. I saw a TikTok video about this too, about how men, you know, they always have the support of women when they are pursuing their careers and whatever, and it's like,

you know what I'm saying. I just I just I felt like that situation was bold, you know what I'm saying, and it was you know, I ain't gonna lie. It's tough to see, like damn, you know, I had your whole fucking kid, and now I gotta come pick up the pieces for my shit. And you know what I'm saying. Like, but again, I don't like to look at it as envy, but I just I don't know. I guess it could be envy, but I just felt like that situation was bold. But I guess that would be the closest

thing to it true to self. Do you ever feel like you're not being true to yourself? I think that I'm not being true to myself when, yeah, when when I go against myself, where I go against like I truly feel about something, or if I'm being a people pleaser or I'm letting people overstep my boundaries, I feel like I'm not being true to myself. Let's see, let's try to mix these up. First of all, I ain't even read none of the white ones. I done did all I done,

did seventy five black ones. Let's do some white. What are core values? What are your core I did a lot. I did like seventy five black black car, black car. Okay, save something for the next time. I gotta get another game. I gotta get another something, Okay, core values? What are your core values? That's what I'm gonna do. Well, they be wanting you to I'm about to say, jobs. We want you to come in and know they miss your statement, and they

no tell me what your fucking values are? What are your core values? Why are these so important to you? My core values? My core values would be honesty, honesty, loyalty, respect. I wanna get y'all fined honesty, loyalty, respect, We'll just roll with that. Why are they so important? Honesty? Because I feel like you cannot have a successful relationship or I don't think that you can have anything real if you're not honest.

But a lot of times we need to be honest with ourselves. And I'm not always honor you know, I w I was gonna say, I'm not always honest with myself, but I know the truth. You know what I'm saying, Like y you could not be honest with yourself and know the truth, kind of be in denial. But I think honesty is super important. And like I said, I think to definitely have a successful relationship, you gotta be hones honest. Like this, honesty is the worst. It's just

the fucking worst. I don't like liars. And if you lie about some little shit, my guy, you will lie about some big shit. You know what I'm saying. And it's just like why, I feel like I'm a very understanding person. I feel like I'm shit is always a no judgment zone with me. So it's like, you don't have to lie, you know what I'm saying, and I don't want you to. People don't understand, like the best relationships is gonna be honest ones like I want you to

be my dog, I want you to be my best friend. I want like you know what I'm saying, Like I want us to be honest with each other. I said with us. Loyalty, Uh, you gotta have you a ride to die when no, not even I don't like that term, but you gotta have somebody that's gonna really stick with you to the fucking end, to the wheels fall off. But this is the thing about loyalty

people. I think people will be getting loyalty misconstrued, Like people think like, oh, that means you're supposed to endure cheating and bullshit, Like you know what I'm saying, niggas be want to run you went to the ground off the loyalty like no, like no you don't deserve loyalty. You're not even a good person. You're not a good person and you're not good to me. But loyalty like you gotta have somebody that's gonna have your back again,

like your best friend type shit. They're through thick and thin, gonna be there through the bad time and again. I always say that. I feel like one of my downfalls is that I always felt like I wanted to find my person before I became super successful, because I don't want to get rich as fuck and then have to be out here trying to find a man because the opportunist is gonna be on the prow like, bitch, hell yeah,

you looking like a lick Like I don't want to do that. I don't want to find my person before and so we you know what I'm saying, But I get I don't know. I don't know what's in the cars for me, but love he is super important and there in respect, like I feel like I respect people. I respect people a lot, you know what I'm saying, And I want the same energy in return. I feel like, you know the golden rule, treat others how you want to be

treated. Period. I'm looking for some good ones expression. How can you create safe spaces to express your shadow self? Black girl experience, baby, because what are we doing right now? I'm expressing my shadow self to y'all. So I think this is a great way to create a safe space. A couple summers ago, I had hosted my first event. It was called net Fs and Heel and it was an outdoor event in the summer, and we had this big old screen we watched in our mother's gardens on Netflix.

And we also had like a little sister circle where we went around and we all talked about the relationship with our moms and stuff like that. And it was a very dope experience. It was a great turnout. I had a whole bunch of vegan food there, and my homegirl was there selling her edibles. And I made little gift baggies for everybody. I gave all little journals and pins. At the end, I put little affirmation cards in there. I gave everybody an intention candle. It was made by this girl that did

like really dope candles. What else did I'll put in there? A bunch of shit like that, And it was just really nice. But I feel like I created a safe space for people there, and oh what really popped it off was that I think everybody was kind of nervous to kind of speak about, you know, because it was a bunch of random everybody didn't know each other. So it's like, why the fuck is we all coming around to talk about the relationship with our mind? You know what I'm saying,

people might really be on guard and some shit like that. So I went first and I just started talking about the relationship with my mom and I literally started crying like five seconds into that shit, and I think it kind of just set the tone for it, and people like felt real comfortable. So yeah, I gotta get back to my events. We're looking for good ones

ones failure. How can cause I was talking about I failed on my daily routine, How can your shadow self help you develop a healthier attitude towards failure and mistakes acceptance? Acceptance? Because just like I said, I feel I felt like I felt with the daily routine, like, yeah, I didn't I cause I changed my mind. I was like, I don't feel like I got to get up at six am, and you know what I'm saying, Like I be up, I listen to my shit. I still was

being productive throughout the day. I was still applying for jobs whatever. I just didn't do, you know what I'm saying. But again I felt like I needed to rest, and that's okay. But again even still, it's like, okay, that can't be forever. You know what I'm saying. You do need to get a daily routine or whatever. So okay, I accepted that I felt like I just wasn't there this week. It wasn't for me to do this week. You don't have to beat yourself up about it.

You ain't gotta be down about it. So again, tomorrow's another day. Wake up, dosh yourself off, and try again. Whatever. Let's see, let's look for ancestors. Think about your ancestors. What questions do you have for them? Are y'all sick of my shit? I know my ancestor is my spirit? Guys, I know God be tired of my shit. I know the universe be tired of my shit. Like this bitch gonna do? I know, I know, like they be jumping in to fix shit or like having to come in and be like this bitch is about to

fuck it up? Why would you do that? You're not supposed to be doing that, like I know they be like and then sometimes they probably just let me fuck up and be like, all right, bitch, you want to go do it? Cool, go do it, you know, And I'll be aware of those moments too. What questions do I have for them? What questions do I have for my ancestors? What is the goal? Can y'all just tell me? Give me the blueprint? Like tell me what I'm supposed to do, like, just somebody send me the cheat sheet?

And I got you. They probably like, bitch, you ain't setting no ulser up for us. You ain't got no water on that bitch, you ain't got no food for us, You ain't putting no motherfucking money on the table for us. You ain't gave us no type of offering. And you want to cheat sheet, We're not giving you shit. Keep struggling. Whatever. What other questions would I have for my ancestors? Can y'all send clearer signs? Like send me in clearer, just tell me that I ain't gonna

lie. And I had this conversation with my homegirl maybe today or yesterday or whatever, and oh that was another thing, like I hadn't talked to one of my home girls in a couple days, and you know, I kind of know her everyday life and what she's going through and shit. And during that time, mind you, these past seven days, I've been unemployed,

so I've been, you know, just dealing with my own shit. So I hadn't caught her either, but I knew, like I felt it intuitively, I felt it like, I'm like, I know she probably going through it or whatever, and I'm like, but i'm'a just give her her time. I'm'a give her her space to deal with whatever she dealing with, you know what I'm saying. And at the same time, I felt like I was dealing with my own shit and just you know, you don't wanna call

somebody and dump on them or whatever. But like I said, intuitively, I knew like he probably just needed some time. So I had caught her a couple days ago and she didn't answer, and I I never leave a fucking voicemail, but I just left a voicemail like I know you probably you know, going through whatever, and I just wanted to call you and check

on you, blah blah blah whatever. So when I finally talked to her, I think it was today, where she probably really kind of told me everything, and I'm like, she was like, but I'm glad you gave me that space because she's like, you know, I got family members that have just fucking blown me up, won't leave me alone, you know what I'm saying, And the fact that I just knew, like I just knew,

but you need that, you know what I'm saying. I don't like those friends that, oh my god, you don't call me every day, bitch. I'm grown as fuck. I got a life, I got a kid, I got shit. You know what I'm saying. But it's not even that type of situation where her we met her. We really talk every day. This is my long distance friend. She and Cali too, so we talk every day and whatever. But you do need those friends that are

understanding, you know, when you need your time. Like people really be tripped out and it's like, relax, bro, five lives to live. If you have five imaginary life to live, what would you do and be like in each one of them, I'm gonna be honest. For one, I would be a nigga. I would be a man, I would be a man. I'm not gonna lie cause and I know y'all. I know the women gonna feel me on this because I'm not gonna lie. I want to know what sex feels like from a man's perspective. I want to know

what this feel like. I'm not gonna lie because I know. I know it's the bomb. I know it's that splack. Like I would be a man just for that not to be a whole because you see them girls that be like, oh yeah, I'd be fucking out of bitches like I wouldn't want I would people would rightly think that I was gay if I was a man, because my standards would be too high, Like bitch, don't nobody

want to fuck your red ass? Like no, but I would definitely want to see what sex feels like from the Mills perspect Hello, flashback, WHOA, Okay, another life I would want to live, you know, somebody rich and famous that just woke up in the money. Like you know what I'm saying, I ain't gonna I would not even I would probably want to be somebody a celebrities kid, like I'd be fucking Blue Ivy or Northwest or some shit like that, and just see what type Like can you imagine?

Can you imagine? If they had to come live my life, they would be like, oh my god, this is the fucking trenches. Yeah, like I want to wake up and live, y'all. Shit real quick that what other life would I want to live? I would want to live It's say five imaginary lives though, but whatever. I don't want to be the tooth theory, Like, what imaginary life? What other life would I want to live? I don't know. I would be an animal. These are

not imaginary, but whatever. I'm just giving you all whatever it comes to. I would want to be an animal. What fucking animal like a black panther or something, or like a cheetah or a lion. I'd probably be a fish to shout out to the Pisces Pisces ganggang, just to see what the underwater life is like a little mermaid? Shit? Uh what else? Fuck it? An imaginary? Like, well, that's not imagined. I

want to be God for a day. Okay, let me see, cause I'd be sending all y'all calls, the voicemails, send them prayers back down. I'm not no, no, no, I would be God for a day. Oh they don't even say for a day. It's say to live I'd be God, I'd be calling the shots in this bitch and another one? What other? What else would I be? Mm hmm, what else would I be? I don't know, I don't know. Compliments What are people always complimenting you on? People always compliment me on my skin. People

always compliment me on my energy or my personality? Uh, defining moments. Look at your life experiences so far, It's been a fucking lit It's been a hell of a ride. What have you been What have been the defining moments or turning points. I have saw a post that said something about, like, uh, people, Well, a lot of times people or situations

are catalysts for your spiritual growth. And I absolutely believe that. Like sometimes even when you feel like, dang, I'm maybe this was the worst decision that I ever made in my life, is actually probably also one of the best decisions that you've ever made in your life. You know what I'm saying. The things that you feel like, oh my god, this is such a fucking feel like that's the shit that you know what I'm saying that takes

you to the next level. That's a defining moment that you know what I'm saying, Like a lot of times those instances or those people or those things, those catalysts for growth, like change the trajectory of your life. I feel like me coming here was a defining moment and it really changed a lot for me, especially like with my co parents in situation and all that.

Like I've been dealt with a lot of silent battles here. You know, I'm saying that really changed shit, and shit, I'm still going through battles every day. Somebody called me today, was just checking on me and shit, and I'm like, but we would sit in the same boat. That person is a creative as well. They're entrepreneur as will. We both was just like, fuck these jobs though, I'm like, what's up? What you want a job tip? They're like, shit, just got fired from

a job. I'm like, dog, It's like but again, just defining moments. Yeah, I'm trying to think what else was a defining moment in my life? Uh? I guess becoming a parent at twenty one. Like I ain't gonna lie. I always think about, like what would have happened? You know, if I didn't have a kid at twenty one, I probably would have had one at twenty two. It's like I don't know, but like I don't know, I don't know. That's so weird to me. I always think about that, Like, you know what I'm saying,

how would my life have been different? How do you see this is? How do you see your future self dealing with your shadow self? I like to say, my higher self, which is the best version of me, and I'm trying to get to her. I'm trying to They like, no, you're not, bitch, You're not even trying. You're not doing enough. You need to do more. You feel that daddy routine for the week. You are not trying to be your higher self. How do you see

your future self dealing with your shadow self? Being cool? Like, you know what I'm saying, Like, Hey, I see your darkness and it's cool. I see I see why you're dark. You know what I'm saying. But I'm here to shed the light on that. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be my future self. You know what I'm saying. If you, if it wasn't for your shadow self, you wouldn't be your higher self. You wouldn't be your future self.

So everything in your life that you experience, the person that you are, the person that you used to be. All of that matters, you know what I'm saying. All of that is leading you to where you're going. It's gonna lead you to your future self on your deathbed. First of all, this is a typo. It says death bad. Imagine you are on your deathbed, while laying in bed, your parents walk in. What are the last things you say to them on my deathbed that I'm about to go

before y'all? That's crazy as fuck, y'all outliving me. But no, what would I say to them? I'm being to I'm being too joky right now. On your deathbed, I don't know. I'll probably be telling my parents that I love them, regardless of all the shit that I talked about them on the podcast, despite all of the you know, I feel like y'all didn't do the bet that y'all could experience. Despite all of that, I guess I love y'all. I don't know, like, ooh not,

I just got real emotional, real quickly. Like I would probably tell them like I just hope that not be getting teary eyed. Oh my god, No, but for real, I would just hope that they are proud of me. I'm sad. I'm getting tear yed just because I feel like no, because I don't feel like me personally, I don't feel like I've accomplished like a lot in life, you know what I'm saying, Like real, I don't feel like I've accomplished a lot. I feel like I don't have

a lot to show for anything. So I would just be like, you know, I hope that y'all are proud of me. I mean, but I have, I have accomplished stuff, but it's you know what I'm saying, like people be or I feel like parents be expecting kids to be a million degrees and my kid does a million dollars in the bank and she did it. Well, it's coming, it's coming, you know with all of this. Motherfucker's gonna be happy for this accomplishment. But you know what I'm

saying, Like, I don't know. I guess I would just hope that they would be proud of me, cause I feel like I'm not not the problem child, but I'm different. I'm definitely the different child. I'm the child that brought change into people's lives. I'm the child that brought healing into people's lives. You know what I'm saying. I'm the child that brought purpose to the table. I'm the child that brought like you know what I'm saying. So I was just different in that way. I was very different in

that way. And I'm the only girl on both sides. Like I'm my mom's only daughter and I'm my dad's only daughter. So I better have a fucking special place in your heart. Feeling freedom. Think about feeling completely free. What images or memories come to mind? Waking up doing whatever the fuck I wanna do. And when I say that, I don't mean like just whatever, but I'm just saying, like, waking up and living an entrepreneur life, you know what I'm saying, being able to travel but doing my

work. You know what I'm saying. Waking up on a beach, looking over the balcony bridge, just blowing through my hair and got my breakfast delivered to the room, doing my yoga, going down to the beach with my laptop, making business calls, but doing all of this stuff, and just feeling like feeling free, but feeling fulfilled, and just feeling good about my life. You know what I'm saying, living life on my terms. So yeah, hmmm, forgiveness, what do you need to forgive yourself? For

a lot? A lot forgiving myself for not knowing better in certain situations and just you know, doing whatever with what I had at the time or what, you know whatever. Forgiving myself for for sucking up, forgiving myself for making mistakes, forgiving myself for not always making the best decisions, forgiving myself for what else. M I guess that's it. But just like jazz Man, it's okay, bro, it is Oh fucking kay. You ain't never killed nobody. Let's see repeat. I am safe and secure as I explore

all facets of my being. Let's see m mm hmmmm mmm mmm, let's see look up for some good ones. What color represents your healing and why I'm gonna say purple, crown chakra shit, but I don't know. I love purple, but why I don't know. It just goes with the theme of my life and in the podcast, purple. Purple is also a symbolic of like royalty luxury, all of that, and that's that's the real luxury. That's that's the real royalty yeeling and getting past all the bullshitt and all

the trauma. Let's do a couple more and then we're gonna get into the terror humor. In what ways does your shadow self reveal itself in your sense of humor like this? Because I lack and that's the thing. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself. Bro, I'm laughing at myself all the fucking time because I'm a fucking clown. How does my shadow self reveal itself

it? Like? I mean again, because I feel like it's a situation where, like, you know, shit is not funny when it happens, but when you look back you can laugh at it like ooh, you dumb ass bitch, or ooh those buddy as hell like situations like that, or maybe you are laughing in the moment when you're doing some dumb shit. I don't know, but yeah, okay, let's see, let's do what is this one? I'll do this one, all right, that's it. Look, I did a hundred cards. I did all of these. This was

too much. This was too much. I gotta give me another card game. Wait are these ones that I did? Okay, that's one for this

is subconscious mind? What might your dreams reveal about your shadow self. So, like I said, anytime that I ever have a dream, excuse me, anytime that I have a dream, I always google it as soon as I wake up if I if I feel like I don't know what it means, or if I feel like I don't understand its significance or what it's symbolic for, because your dreams are just like an inkling to your subconscious mind. So you know what I'm saying. If you have a dream that somebody is

pregnant or whatever, that doesn't necessarily mean that somebody's pregnant. Maybe you're about to give birth to a new idea or something or whatever. If you have One time, I had a dream that a nigga shot me, and immediately when I woke up, I knew that that meant some type of betrayal, but I still googled it and all of that came up, and some shit

had came up about like betrayal in fidelity, that type of stuff. But it was so much that happened in the dream that made sense too that I was able to piece together, like and he ended up telling the truth about some shit, and I'm like, wow, but that's the thing too. If some shit come to you in the dream, you better believe it. You better fucking believe it, especially if you're super intuitive. I'm a motherfucking pisc's I'm the Queen of intuition. Like, so, I don't play about

dreams. If that shit come up in a dream, whatever it is, he did that shit. So yeah, okay, let's get to the motherfucking tear out. What's on the flow. What are the vibes for the collective? I ain't gonna lie. My shit kind have been on point. I'd be going back watching the video. First of all, I love going back watching my videos. I like, I love this. I love watching myself.

Apparently y'all love watching me too. Keep the subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to the YouTube channel like this video, leave a comment like what do I have to do? Like do I gotta bribe y'all with money to start leaving comments and like be interactive with me? Like I don't understand, Like what's gonna make y'all be interactive? Like even on Instagram, Like I had posted one of the videos and I put like drop a comment on why,

and nobody fucking comment. I'm like, y'all just don't y'all, don't fucking part. Y'all not gonna participate until Jane Iiko reposts. My shit, y'all ain't gonna participate till Big Sean reposted like, hey, my homegirl from Detroit out here doing her motherfucker thing. Like that's when y'all go comment. Oh he fuck y'all. It's like, no, but what is it gonna take. I gotta be like I'm cash happing everybody one hundred dollars, leave a

comment and whatever the tower. God damn. I I just I just feel like the universe just be like, come on, bitch. Look, we be trying to tell you. They be talking to me, that's for y'all, but they talking to me like, bitch, I keep telling y'all what the fuck this means? The house is on fire and you and that bitch Lilly gagging like it's not about to go down. It's up in fucking smoke, and you are just in that bitch like universe. Please remove me cause

I'm not gonna remove myself. Oh my god, just man, remove yourself, collective, remove yourself before it's too late. Don't let don't let the Universe of the Hermit card. Did you inside the not you trying to contemplate what you in the tower? Like, let me just go in the corner and go like, no, bitch, step outside of the tower. A gonna be a hermit and figure the shit out, take some tiny baby. Or maybe it's gonna take for the motherfucking tower to burn the fuck down for

you to get the fuck out. And then now you gotta go and be off in solitude and sit there and rest and reflect and heal and think about all. You know what I'm saying. Hopefully you don't have to get to that point. But spirit said, bitch, okay, this is a okay, we'll take them though. So this really came out in reverse. I don't like to read reversals, but something that's telling me to keep it in reverse. So we got the seven of Pinnacles, the Sun in reverse,

the High Priestess in the two Pinnacles. I'm gonna show you all the cards. The house is on fire, get the fuck out. It's giving that a situation is not gonna turn out the way that you wanted to. Seven the Pinnacles in the Sun CARDI reverse. First of all, you over there watching this shit like a fucking hawk. Go do something else. What do they say, a watched pot never boils? Go do something else cause you went, you know what I'm saying, And you're looking sad because you look

like you didn't really put your all into it. But we got the sun card and reverse. So it's not it's given. It's not gonna be what you want it to be. It's not gonna be what you wanted to be. And maybe maybe that's why the motherfucking tower is coming down, cause it's not gonna be what you wanted to be, you know what I'm saying. So you need to take this time for your fucking self. You need to go be in solitude, and you need to start paying attention to your intuition.

You need to listen to your inner guidance, You need to listen to your inner wisdom, whatever is telling you, listen to it, because that's the fucking answer. But it's your choice, what decision you want to make. You want to stay in a tower into that bitch burned down you want the universe to come remove you from a situation, or you just gonna leave because it's not gonna be what you want it to be. So you could either excuse yourself. You can leave. You can leave on your own time.

You can get in the car, and you can get in the car and I drove. You could leave. You can leave yourself, or we could come in and get you. And baby, it's not it's not what you think it is. It's not what you think it is. It is not what you think it is. The Eight Assauts, the five of Pinnacles, we do got the temperance car though, put a little light on it at the end. Put a little light at the end of the tunnel. Baby. It's giving trapped in your own trapped in your own thoughts. It's

given mental conflict. It's given like stop acting like you can't see your way out of the situation. Because the funny thing about the etosaurds is that you got this shit tied around you. But you can get out of it. You know. You acting like you can't. You stuck in your mind, and you stuck in a mental prison. You can get out five of Pinnacles. For whatever reason, in my mind, I'm getting deal gone by, deal gone bad like this is somebody being left out in the call. But

again like again a deal gone bad. So I ain't left your ass out in the cold. You know what I'm saying. I don't know, but it's a little lot at the end of the tunnel. You gonna come back into balance, but you're gonna get thrown off your rocker coming out of that tower. But again, you know that the beautiful thing about life is that we all have choices. We all have the luxury of choosing our destiny to a certain extent, do you feel like you really choose your destiny because you

have freedom of choice? You know what I'm saying. It's so funny because I feel like that's such an interesting concept to me, because I feel like we all have a destiny in life. I feel like we all you know, this shit was written before you was born. But you do have freedom of choice. So you know, there's a journey or a path to your destiny. There's a whole little journey, and when you on that journey, you could choose, Damn, do I want to go to the left or

do I want to go to the right. Either way, it's gonna take you to where you're supposed to be. But each path is different than you know what I'm saying. You're gonna experience a lot of shit along the way, but ultimately I feel like you end up where you're supposed to be. And I just think about that with my life. Like again, I always I think about that artist. I don't know. I like thinking about that, Like, dang, if I made a different choice, I would it

be. One of my favorite movies is the Butterfly Effect. And you know what I'm saying, Like, if you just made one different choice, your whole life would be different. So I don't know. I think about that a lot, but I don't know. Let's pull one more King of Pinnacles. That's a very good card. It's given to the money. It's given. It's given boss shit, it's given in your bag. It's given, super grounded, super resourceful, sound mind. You know what I'm saying.

But it's also like it ain't gonna happen overnight type shit. Whatever, nothing happens overnight. You know what I'm saying, y'all gonna look up and when this shit blows the fuck up, Oh my gosh, she was an overnight success, bitch. No, it was a lot of nights. It was a lot of motherfucking nights. I've been doing this podcast for six years, bro, I don't ever want to hear mother call me an overnight success because I'm like, go the fuck back, okay. And that's the thing though,

I'm gonna I remember all that. I'm going to remember all of the days, all of the nights, all of the all of the time. But that's why I keep saying like, that's why it's gonna be so rewarding in the end, because bet y'all wouldn't y'all wasn't there. I mean, y'all, my listeners was there, but even still, like nobody was there with me shooting in the gym. Okay, y'all was not there. So when it comes, I'm gonna be acting different. You ain't gonna be able

to find mean, you ain't gonna be to catch me. You better hope I got the same number because I had the same number for a long time. But it might be different. I might be acting different. I deserve to because y'all was not with me shooting in the gym. So that is it for the terrorm. I feel like that shit be talking directly to me, and it's like, damn, damn, let me see was there anything else I want to share with y'all on here? Oh, somebody said,

Niggas for show was telling me to slow down. I need to turn this shit up. He said, Nigga's gonna tell you everything, but they're not gonna but they not gonna pay your bills or take care of your family. Do what you feel is best for you. Period. Oh it's also a full moon in Leo. Leo is symbolic of the ego, is symbolic of childlike energy, children, all of that. Like I said, Leo is symbolic of the ego and the core of who you are. You know what

I'm saying. I'm a Leo rising, so it makes it makes sense. But no, so the full full moons are a time to release, you know, whatever is no longer serving you. So this full moon in Leo is gonna be about release, send the inauthenticity, you know what I'm saying, and really stepping into your true self and who you truly are and shining for the start because Leo is star energy. I'm a Leo rising. I'm just saying, I'm just saying it. I'm just so like really just stepping

into your true self. This says times up on the false mass performativity and posturing it is time to show up as your authentic self and own it. It's time to be honest about what you want and direct and pursuing it, or move out the damn way. Nobody. I said, this full moon feels like a mercury retrograde but worse. Like I know what is next, but nothing works. No, So step into your step into your your true

self, step into your star power, your start quality. I mean, look, I don't know, look at your LEO placements in your chart. Like I said, I'm a LEO rising your rising sign or your ascending sign is like a person's first impression of you was how you appear to the world.

So I'm sorry. I was just made to be a star. Like that's the energy that I give with Like that's and I'm not saying it like that, like in an arrogant type of way, but when people see me in my presence, like that's why this shit comes so naturally to me, you know what I'm saying. Everybody can't get behind a mic or behind a camera and just be you know what I'm saying and have like a magnetic you

know, personality or just like a magnetic energy about them. But like I was really made for this shit, Like I'm really, I'm really that girl, I'm really a star. I'm like I'm for sure a Leo rising. Anything else on here in Nope, that's it. Oh these were some I'll share these with y'all. I listened to this the other day. I was listening to a elite the Leo Full Moon Meditation on Instagram, I mean on

YouTube. So some of the affirmations that were on there, it says this Leo full Moon guided Affirmation Meditation is created to build confidence, self acceptance, and embrace your authentic self in alignment with this Leo lunar energy. So I have screenshot of some of the ones. These were like really good affirmations. I inspire through embodying my true self. I cultivate my self acceptance and protected. I am open to the abundance that life has to offer. I am

worthy of being embraced and celebrated. I channel inspiration from within simply by being myself. I protect my energy with boundaries. I express myself authentically and attract authentic people. I cultivate my own inner piece and protect it. I am a source of inspiration in my own unique way. Uh. And then I screenched out at this too, because this just goes back to tie in.

Everything always comes full circle. This goes back to tie into the work thing, like and this is what I mean, Like, I know i'd be giving nine to five's a bad rep and all of that, and somebody gotta do it. Somebody got to work a job, but it ain't gonna be me. But this just further proves my point. This is somebody that I follow on Instagram. She work at the plant she work at Like I want to say Ford, maybe who is she working Ford? Or wondered, Oh

no, no, she worked I think she work at Chrysler. She worked at Chrysler. So y'all know in D trait that's like not plant jobs be good jobs, but they be slave jobs and like you know, it might be good pay or whatever, but this is what I'm saying. She posted this the other day. She said she worked a nice shit ten thirty p seven thirty am at work Sunday night to Friday night. She gets one day off, so eight thirty to two pm, so she probably get home about

eight thirty a thirty to two. She's sleep at two forty five. She got to go pick up her kid from school. From three to five, she's preparing her house for work that night, so getting ready to you know, get your house in order, probably making dinner or whatever, getting your shit together. From six to nine, she's taking a nap. Repeat first step. The first step was ten thirty to seven thirty work Sunday to Friday. She says, Saturday after two two pm, probably I'm up and hopefully

enjoy some Saturday before I go back to work on Sunday night. Please understand, I don't always feel like talking or hanging and just want to relax on my day off, and sometimes during the week I be too exhausted to talk. Dating hasn't been easy because I just don't feel like it right now. This is her life. Bro, you get one day off, you're one fuck I couldn't even imagine I was getting two days off and I worked a

decent schedule from seven to three. You get one day off and you wake up at two p you're probably tired, exhausted, and you work at the fucking plant. I don't know if she doing the shit on the line or whatever, but it's like, Bro, that's that's hectic on the body work. Man, y'all can have that shit. Y'all can fucking have it,

and that's that's all I got. I hope y'all enjoyed this episode, made sure that you followed me on all platforms at Healing my Homies, subscribe to the podcast right if I started to review, like you love a Black Gut Experience, comment like the video all of that shit, Yeah, that's all I got. I'm out.