You're listening to a Mother Me podcast.
Hello, and welcome to Beers in Box. I'm M ven M and I'm a Taurus, which apparently means as a work colleague, I'm patient, reliable, and steady, and I think all of our producers here can attest that that is extremely inaccurate.
And I'm so first.
I know this makes me sound very uncool, but I actually don't believe in star science.
It is that bad controversial.
We do.
We know, girlies in the office.
I know what makes me uncool, especially like I'm a gen Z coach Gensey very much into star Science. For the record, I am a virgo though, and I'm told in terms of work, we apparently take pride and strongly identify in our work.
I feel like that's you.
I don't believe it. M our. Other co host Michelle Batters view.
Is an aries what do the stars say about her work life?
It says that she's independent, self asshured and full of ideas, which I feel like is her in a nutshell? Yeah, maybe you should believe into star signs.
I know, I know.
Okay, So every week for Inbox, we answer your burning career questions in the simplest way possible because we're busy and we know you're busy as well. We don't sugarcoat. We get straight to the answers without the need of a corporate translator. M.
This week we're nailing the art of small talk, feeling more secure in our jobs, and figuring out how.
To break the work colleague threshold.
So jumping straight into it this week. So if we received this question from Marli.
What do I talk about when I find myself standing next to the big boss in the coffee line?
On No, This question makes me laugh because m do you remember the first time I met you?
And I do Mia Friedman.
Who's the big boss of Mum and Mia. She actually told this story about how she was in the elevator with you, and you know, she said, hi, am, how are you going? And she, you know, asked you some questions and then she stopped and she waited and she stayed silent, and she waited for you to say something because it was your turn to talk, and you didn't say anything, and then the doors opened.
You got how the elevator walked off And I was like, that's such a boss move, because if that was me, I would have been, you know, taking every opportunity to ask a million questions, sort of sucking up to the big boss of it.
So I'm keen to hear what's your approach to this?
Oh my god, she loves telling the story. What she forgets to say is that I was extremely hungover that morning and they physically could not say any words. Well actually, which I feel like I'm throwing myself under the bus, because I actually do have another small talk story with
other co founder Mom and Mia Jason. It was during a MoMA mea Christmas party and I think the attire of the party was like we're out of lawn bowls and he was wearing a cricket hat and we found ourselves like it was just me and him waiting in line at the bar, and I was like, oh, we probably have to make conversation. How do I do this? He was fine, just not talking to me, by the way, So I really put myself in this situation. He was wearing the cricket hat and that's all I could think about.
So I was like, hey, Ja, so I really like your cricket hat and he was like, thanks, Sam. I had no idea what to say next, so I just started listing cricketers that I knew, and I don't know that many, so I just started saying, yep, Adam Zampa throughout Coli pat Commons, and he was like, yep, yep, they're all cricketers. And then I was like, it's shame about Shane Warn. He was like, yep, it's a shame. And then I got my drink and I ran out
of there. It was a little wor I think about this moment like at least once a month.
See, that's funny because I actually rate what you just did.
Oh let me no, I rate that.
Let me tell you why. First of all, the worst thing that you can do is feel so nervous to talk to a big boss that you actually just don't do it at all. So a lot of people will kind of not take that opportunity. But don't make the mistake that I always made in my career, which is you're so desperate to talk to them that you just come across as really fawning and like trying way too hard.
I like to sort of say, you know, this boss is a human and it actually helps them to get to know younger people in the company, and anyone in the company so it's not just like they're this amazing person and you're just trying to not screw it up and just like ask the right questions. It's like it's in their interest to get to know you as well.
So I always just like to take a pretty simple approach to this, which is, if you do find yourself standing next to the big boss in the coffee line and you've got this opportunity to talk to someone number one, just like try to get a little bit of a vibe with them, try to create some kind of connection. And so I've got a couple of go tos that I use, but it is helpful to introduce yourself and remind them of your name. Depending on how big your company is, they might not know who you are. So like,
you know, I'm Sophie. I work in marketing, and my go to question I just love to say, you know what's big for you this week and just kind of drive funny yeah, because then you get just like a little piece of little nugget of information from them, and just remember that they might tell you something about their personal life or something work related.
Try and remember that for next time you chat to them.
And then the other thing that I love doing is. You know, often they will say what are you working on right now?
And it's a weirdly hard question to answer.
Because you're like, I'm working on forty things. Which of these things do I say? And like you won't even understand, So I.
Like, don't laugh at me, but I say this. I used to practice on my way to work, and I.
Would always just have like a couple of bullet points in my head of like things that I'm working on that kind of relate to something bigger that's going on in the company.
Working at a bier.
Company like Google, I did find that was helpful because if you do have these opportunities in the lift or in the coffee line with senior leaders, you can speak confidently about what you're working on, and you can show up as someone who's working on important things and really got it together.
That's smart. Okay, I'm going to adopt that because that was way better than my strategy of talking about a sport that I have no idea about and our a co founded things. I'm a massive cricket fan. I'm spending all my spare time researching cricket things. In case he asks me about it.
Again, No, you created connection with him, which is why I think it was so brilliant.
A fake one.
So so we got this next question straight to our biz instagram. We are Beerz by Mama Mam make sure you follow us, and it said, how do I ask for feedback from my manager to help me improve without giving off the vibes that I'm insecure about my role?
Yeah?
You know, the opposite is true.
So asking for feedback actually shows power and as much as you can lean in and embrace it, that's going to help you so much in your career. It's just a massive unlock. So I managed a lot of people, and the ones that proactively came to me and asked me for feedback about how they're doing in their role, they came across as the ones who are actually more
confident and more secure in themselves. So I think this feedback loop that you can create, particularly with your manager, because your manager is probably the closest to seeing you, you know, do your job, and so creating this feedback loop with them is so important. The thing is, it's really hard, and I think people have this thing of like feedback's a gift.
Ask for feedback.
It is actually so hard to do consistently and so just something I think might be interesting for you them. Do you know that seventy percent of managers are actually uncomfortable communicating and forty percent are uncomfortable giving feedback at all, So just remember like it's hard as a manager to give feedback. It's hard for you to hear it, it's hard for you to ask for it, but it is
really important. So the one thing that I found has worked in my career and then also with the people that I manage, is it's not just a once off thing where you, you know, once a year you have your performance review and they either give you feedback, you ask the feedback and it's like set and forget feedback. And having a feedback loop is actually an going conversation and you have to constantly remind your manager that you want feedback. So I would start really simple and try
to be specific. So I would pick a couple of things that you want to work on. So maybe it's like I want to work on my presentation skills at meetings, So I'd say to my manager, I'm really trying to work on my presentation skills right now in this next meeting that we're doing. The team meeting, Can you give me some feedback on how I go and just try to be a bit more specific about what you're asking
for feedback on. I had a really cool system with one of my managers where he knew I was working on presentation skills.
Every time we were in a room.
Together and I was speaking in a meeting, he would just write one thing on a post it note and just hand it to me as we walked out the door. He didn't even have to tell me the feedback, and it was always just one thing I did well and one thing that I needed.
To work on or I could work on oh so good, and it would just helped so much.
It just like took all the pain out of it was just like this very casual kind of ongoing thing.
That would be my.
Advice is like ask for feedback on specific things and just know it's not something you ask for once. You sort of have to keep asking for it because it's quite hard for managers sometimes to give feedback to.
Is there such thing as kind of overdoing it, because obviously your manager probably manages other people, they have their own work to work on, Like, is there a such thing as just being too much and being annoying when you're constantly asking them for feedback or asking them for like a raise or like a promotion, or like can I work on this new project? Is there such thing as doing too much?
Yes?
Definitely, Really ask yourself, like is it feedback you're looking for or is it some kind of recognition that you're doing a good job from your manager and sort of
separate like validation validation exactly. So it's cool that you have enough awareness that you realize that remembering that your manager probably has other people that they're looking after and not overdoing it for sure, specifically with feedback, your manager is not the only person that you need to be asking or like that you can ask for feedback or go to to help you when it comes to things like you know, your career, getting better at your job.
You should be leaning on other leaders in the company, peers, like ask other people feedback. You don't need to be going to your manager for everything. And I think it's actually really helpful to start building relationships with people other than your manager as well.
So after the break, we are going to be tackling the social side of work. So our final question for this week comes from Dylan.
This feels like such a weird question, But how do I make friends at work?
I just started a new job and don't know anyone yet.
Ah, Dylan, I know we'll hang out with you.
I would love to hear your answer on this too. M. I think it's funny, isn't it something like making friends at work? Should I make friends at work? There's this amazing study that I read recently that actually said when it comes to sort of how you feel about your job, beyond the salary you're getting or your manager, it actually came down.
To do you have a work bestie? Do you have a best friend at work?
And this had actually so much in fluence on people's experience in the workplace. So it sounds like a cute question, but it actually is really important. So I think it's also been made so much harder with hybrid work and work from home. Especially for young people coming in, it can feel really intimidating. You're coming into this organization where it feels like everyone's already friends, and you're like, how do I actually break into this?
I'm keen to hear what would be so your tips. I feel like.
It's very situational and I've been very lucky with my workplace a Mummia, because we're all women, we all have the same passions, we're all very similar age, and a lot of the friendships I made with women who don't work in Mummy anymore, but they become like my closest, closest lifelong friends was mainly because we were all from either different parts of Sydney or different parts of Australia, and we didn't really have anyone else, like, we didn't
have a close friendship group, and we just kind of came together. Because workers in the city, it was easy to hang out. But I think the main reason why I was able to make friends at work was because I always kind of said yes to a lot of things like after work drinks, like hanging out someone started team sport, things like that, going for dinners, putting your hand out for doing like extra work like out of
hours if it's like something fun to do. I think it's those little things that made my friendships kind of form, as well as just being super interested in people not just for the work they do in the company, but their personal lives as well, and remembering things I've told you, like I know, I'm lucky because a lot of us are the same age, but I know there's so many workplaces where a team could be made up of some
people in the twenties, some people in their fifties. And I think the like genuine interest you have in people is the thing that makes friendships form. Things like, oh, how is your son's birthday on the weekend? Did you end up getting him that present? Like little things like that. I feel like I really appreciate when people remember things like that from my personal life, and I think that goes two ways.
I don't even need to answer this question because I think that was for Hex.
You're the career coach now, No, I totally.
Agree the promotion for me.
Dude took the words out of my mouth.
Those would be my two points to like say yes to stuff, actually do things, and follow up.
So go and do the sewing.
Class, do the K pop dance class, Like actually hang out with people and take an interest in people, ask some questions, remember the answers, and just like be interested
in their life. Even before you're at the point where you're starting to do things with people at work, maybe a really simple way that you can start building that initial connection is just noticing when your peers and coworkers are doing stuff that you think is great, actually take the time to send them this like message to say like, hey, I thought your presentation in the meeting today was really cool.
This is what I liked about it.
I think so often you'll think your peers have done something good and you're kind of like, ah, they know it. You just like don't take the effort to actually tell them. So tell your coworkers when they do something good, and you'll be surprised how much that can form a little connection or bond with them that you can build on from there.
That's so good. It's also so simple. It's basically like, just be a nice person. Yeah, and people want to be your friend.
Just be cool. Thanks for helping us clear the biers inbox.
If you've got to work questions, send it our way. You'll find a link to submit your questions in the show notes.
And if you missed it earlier this week, Miss and soph answered the question that we've all asked ourselves at one point or another, should we be starting our own business? Head back in the feed to check it out, and we will also put a link in our show notes. We'll be back here in the biz Inbox next week.
Bye see ya.
Mamma Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on