You're listening to a Mom with Me podcast.
Hello, and welcome back to biz in Box. Every week we are solving all of your work problems so you can just get on with their job or something like that. I guess I'm in Vernon and this week I wanted to tell so if I just wanted to have a bit of a winge and let you know that I've been to three after work work events.
And I'm so first and that is not fair, Like, are you obliged to go to these? No?
Okay, So I am being very pedantic and like I am a diva because they are really fun work events. So I do host I entertainment podcast a Spill and it's like a lot of very glamorous movie premieres. So I like you take it back, You're like, shut up and let's move on. So this week we are dealing with conflict in the workplace, the all important resume, and I've got a bone to pick with people who keep putting meetings into my car. So we're jumping straight into it. So this is what Kate has asked us.
Hi.
I'm Kate. I currently work in an office job with about ten people in my team. I really love the work. But there's one person I'm really having trouble with. They're always really patronizing towards me. Every time I say something, they're really sarcastic, and they totally undermined me in front of everyone. Just wondering what advice you have to deal with a patronizing colleague. Thanks.
So I remember this specific person in my life who I guess falls into this criteria of the patronizing colleague. It was when I was in my retail days, Like I think I was around nineteen twenty, and I was working at a retail store and it was like a
woman's clothing store. So a lot of us were girls I was working with, and a lot of my closest friends still this day I was working with, and there was this one girl who I use a lot of like self deprecating humor for myself, and she would always jump on that to use it as an excuse to
make fun of me. So if I said something so weird, I wouldn't say this, but if I was to say, oh, I hate how this top looks on me, she would like then use that as like, well, Emily's wearing that ugly top anyway, So it's not like anyone's going to care things like that, And I remember calling her out about it and she's like, I'm just joking, Like just calm down, like I'm joking, and the calm down to me is just red flag. But it's one of those situations where I needed that job. I couldn't leave, and
she couldn't leave. Like we didn't have like a proper management system. It was just part time retail work, so I didn't have anyone else to go to to tell them about what was going on.
Yeah.
Yeah, it can be really hard. Actually, Like it sounds kind of funny and light, but it's it can be really hard. I like to think about why are they acting like this? Like why might they be patronizing to you? Often it is because they're threatened by do I think sometimes just from an empathy perspective, even though they're being really horrible to they're making your life hard. I do like to sometimes think about, Okay, why might they be doing this. Maybe they're threatened by me, Maybe it's like
a competitive thing, maybe they're insecure. I always just like to start there, But then there's sort of a few different levels of how I like to approach it. So start light and just let them know in really light ways, hey, like I'm onto what you're saying, and I know that you're doing this kind of thing. So, for example, some things you can say is like a lot of young people get patronized for being young right in the workplace.
So it might be like someone might say, oh, because you learned that at Uni, and you can be like, I did learn this at Uni, But why did you say it like that? So you can just want to ask them a question, And if you can get a tone that is genuinely curious, like I'm genuinely curious as to why you said it that way, that can be really good. Then you can go a little bit stronger and you can kind of give them an opportunity to course correct if they maybe didn't mean it that way.
It sounds like your colleague did intend to be bru to you though, But you can say something like the way that you said that actually sounded a bit patronizing, is that how you meant it to sound, And then people might be like, oh, no, I didn't mean it to sound like that. And one you've let them know that like you're onto them, even if they did mean
to say it. Like that, but it can give them an opportunity cost correct and sometimes people will do that, they'll kind of know when they'll stop if they keep doing it. So, for example, if someone's like really in the workplace, patronizing you about you're so young, whatever, say they're like over explaining something to you a lot, and you can kind of say, you know, it's cool, I am actually pretty familiar with this topic. I'm keeping up
with what you're saying. You don't need to over explain it. Or it might be something like, you know, I'm not sure you know this, but I have actually got a year of experience doing this in my previous job. Is there something in the way that I'm doing it that makes you think that I don't know how to do it or something like that, So you can kind of just like start to bring in language.
That's so good. I also have one that I think it's a bit sneaky, but I've used it a few times now and it's worked every time. If someone makes a snarky comment towards you in like a big meeting or with a group of people, I pretend I didn't hear it, and I asked them to repeat themselves I'm like, sorry, what was that? And they never do. They always change up.
The language and I love it. I actually made a TikTok on this and did you we have to share that? It's really good?
Okay, So for our next question, I was like, what's the point of like other people giving us their work dilemmas when I can't get my own, Like I should jump on to this time? I have a question, a very personal one, and it is what's the worst time to put in a meeting? And why is it twelve pm? And why does it keep happening to me? And am I allowed to decline them? Can you give me permission on the mic right now that I can send to my bosses that I can decline the time.
I'm going to be controversial and say I think more people should be declining meeting. Yes, the nine am Monday meeting and then any meeting that's after midday on Friday. So no, let me explain a little bit. So talking about the topic of declining meetings, let me clarify a little bit. I think we need to be a lot more aware of the impact that we have on other
people's time and way more considerate of that. Right, So, first thing I think everyone should start doing is if you are booking a meeting, it's your responsibility to put in the description for that calendar, invite the purpose of that meeting, and then the outcome of what you want
to be achieved at the end of that meeting. So, for example, it's like, maybe the purpose of the meeting is to discuss projects ABAC, and the outcome at the end of that meeting I want to be that we're going to have like a doc finalized or something like that. And what I would train my team to do is like if you kind of read that and you sort of say, like, I don't really know what the point of that meeting is. I don't know if I'm needed, I would actually teach them to say to the person, like,
do you actually need me in this meeting? What role do you want me to play? And if there isn't a clear answer, then you can actually say, like, maybe I don't need to come to your question around can I just decline a meeting because it doesn't kind of suit my life? I think it's.
A meeting that says with HR very important town, I'm like, no, I just won't go to that.
Maybe not that one. But I think you don't have to just accept every single meeting that someone puts in your calendar, but you do have to talk to them about it. So what I don't advise is the passive aggressive to gline, which people would do and I think it's so crazy, like you'd send a medium they're just
like decline. So maybe don't do that. But I think like just ask people like, hey, do you need me in this meeting or if it is like again back to the episode we did two weeks ago around your reset time, like that is your research time, so you know this is my reset time. Do you need me in the meeting? And you can decline it. But I definitely don't want to advocate for like, you know, these meetings don't see my life, so I'm not going to
do them. I think it's about having proactive communication around and just like putting stuff in your own calendar. The more that you plan your own calendar, the more people will work around it. Sort of. I know people are brutal and they'll like book things over the top.
That's actually smart because then if I keep going back to those people saying, hey, what's the purpose of this meeting? Hey, what's a purpose of meeting? They might eventually be like, this girl's so annoying, I'm just going to stop inviting her.
Totally win when you want to be unpopular when it comes to meetings. Okay, am, after this, we're going to talk about a document that I have a feeling you have not kept updated.
No, I'm going to get in trouble.
So m Julia on the Beers Instagram has submitted a question. She's asked if she needs to keep her resume updated at all times? What do you think?
Absolutely not, You've got the job. Congratulations. I don't even know where my resume. Firstly, my resume would be from twenty eighteen. I have no idea where it is. It would just have all my UNI degrees and my one retail job and like a photo of me from when I was seventeen.
I want to see it, though, maybe we should try to dig it out. It would actually be so yeah, you know what's funny. I want to be the person who's like, absolutely, yes, you need to keep it updated at all times. But I actually agree with you, Am, really yes, I agree with you. So I also have not updated my mind resume for thirteen years here's my thing. I think your LinkedIn profile should be up to date, and it should be current because people are going to
be looking at that all the time. I think if you're in a season of your life where you're sort of like I am open to other roles and I kind of would take another job if it came up, I do think it can be a good idea. I think in general, like, don't feel like you need to have this document that you're spending a lot of time updating all the time. You do need to be opportunistic if you see a role and you need to be
able to update it pretty quickly. But one other thing I want to say is like a regret that I have related to this is you do I mean, how long have you been working here a MoMA maw like six years? Six years? Right? Do you remember some of the big things, the big wins that you had six years ago? Oh? It's hard to remember, right, So, like say, now you really did want to go for another job and you were trying to then put on your resume. What was some of the big things, like the big
impact that you had. It's kind of hard to remember. And I'm in this position as well, so I didn't keep my resume updated. I don't have any of my performance reviews or anything like that when I left Google, and so now I'm like, what did I even do for thirteen years? I can't actually remember the big stuff that I worked on. So I do think it is
a good idea too. It's not about necessarily updating your CV, but just have somewhere where you're recording or keeping track of the things that you're actually doing at work, the big achievements, things like that, because you actually do need that stuff.
That's so smart. Now I'm having a crisis. I've done nothing at all.
Well, that is why this podcast exists. Thank you so much for joining us.
You guys have helped us clear the beers Inbox once again this week. If you have a work question, please send it our way. You can always find where to send that through a link in our show notes.
We'll be back in the beers Inbox next week. Bye.
Sia. Jmeya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on