S1 | EP01-Postpartum Depression-My experience

mommy track daddy whisper podcast is now called birth AG [Music] podcast welcome you're listening to Mommy track daddy Whispers a podcast about women postpartum parenting and the subtle support that that fathers extend to us my name is zvia and today we're going to talk about postpartum depression the very controversial situation that is not recognized most of the times especially by women themselves this is the most vulnerable a mother can ever be although I can speak at length about how vulnerable mothers are most of the times but I will Reserve that for some other today today I'll speak about my journey into motherhood what were the probable causes for postpartum depression situations that healed me or worsen my problem the symptoms and the remedy to start with I am a mother of a one-year-old daughter I come from India and Indian families live with their parents and their parents so practically we can have on an average of 4 to eight people living together we believe in staying together so when I gave birth naturally I was surrounded by a lot of people and hence there was a lot of care and help but there was one something that lagged there was very little recognition of postpartum depression so here we are discussing it what were the probable causes I wanted my baby to be delivered normally I exercised I did yoga I worked towards it as per my understanding if you get the pains it is easier to deliver the baby naturally but somehow at the last moment I went through a cesarin the circumstances were such that I could not understand if what is going on is right for either me or my baby Post delivery I used to replay the entire Delivery episode again and again thinking what could have been what was and the likes I used to think what could I have done that I would have delivered normally I had questions a lot of them I wanted to ask somebody did I do something wrong that my baby was not delivered normally am I at fault all these questions they drained me they drained me completely what were the symptoms what effect did this kind of thinking had on me before I go there I would also like to talk about the fact that it took me one week to actually realize that I was depressed I was one week into depression and I did not know let's move on to symptoms I was thinking so much that I slept for 5 hours in 3 days I could not sleep and shivers went through my body in the night crying I used to cry a lot I was vulnerable I was very very sensitive I used to cry at the drop of the pen everything and anything could make me cry in the nights I used to feel so suffocated that I remember myself saying that I might not see the light of the day not feeling the love for the baby let me say it out and Loud that I did not feel the love for the baby I knew I loved my my daughter in spirit but in reality I did not feel it not initially am I a bad mother did I feel guilty back then guilty yes I still do guilty I feel guilty for a lot of things I know I should not but I do and I seek support to feel otherwise but back then I was not un wise back then I did feel undivine that I did not feel the love for the baby am I a bad mother no now no now I know now I'm wise a human being feeling things the way they are it's natural and it's normal feeling like the world is not with you that is another thing I feel felt while I was depressed yes I felt everybody was just creating noise there was a lot of noise anyway because also it was Winters and I was already stressed so everything stressed me but at some point I wanted to be left alone my mother was here helping me with the baby but I wanted her to leave there was a lot of help but I wanted her to leave why because she was primarily taking care of the baby and the baby seemed easier to her the baby seemed inclined towards her and the already Disturbed me felt things were being snatched away from me I was not good enough the simp simp Le statements of her excitement and love towards the baby made me cringe quite honestly it was bothering me at the same time as to why I was feeling like that I I I was able to think I was able to recognize that I was feeling in a very different way I had never felt so contained by the circumstances so possessive so bad that was the condition I was in those were the symptoms now what helped me coming out and how long this depression lasted remedy what really helped me was the recognition that I was depressed and as I already said it took me one week to recognize that I was depressed believe me that is a milestone in itself so I used to talk to my sister and explain explain to her the situations around me Etc and one day she suggested it seems like you're depressed you could be under postpartum depression and going through a C-section when you were so inclined towards normal is one of the most common reasons out there for postpartum depression that recognition and a channel to express and be understood that prevented it from from getting worse to a great deal now from there on my journey into healing started but there were things that were constantly making it worse what were they the lack of empathy and the lack of recognition there are better ways to handle a person going through a rough face I did not need scolding not at all I I did not need lectures not at all I needed somebody to come and ask me as to why I was feeling the way I was but honestly we have to talk we have to talk about a lot of things a recognizing a person going through this phase B know that a must mother who by Legends should be on cloud n after delivering a baby is actually not in a fairy tale it is Life by all means and a mother can be depressed period she can be tired she can be unhappy and low it is a sudden change all the attention she had to herself before the baby was born is gone and she's weak she can be cryome yes that is normal but that needs a dressel c know the symptoms read about postpartum depression and I would like to speak to all the men the fathers the husbands the brothers out there if you see your woman going that route know that it could be depression know that you you can recognize it and once you recognize it you can go ahead and educate others that would help a woman a mother enjoy motherhood so that was my experience with postpartum depression how I heal myself I started talking to my sister a lot I found a channel where I would not be judged and a constant dealing with the issue that I was depressed I tried and go out a lot it took me two months to come out of it completely the worst days were for the first 15 days and I did not see a doctor but I would suggest that if you go through this phase please go and see a doctor if you're not able to take care of yourself on your own it is important to deal with the situation and it is a very very common situation so that was my experience and I would love to hear back from you your experiences if they resonate with me or tell me about the methods that worked for you and if you did not have postpartum depression I am so glad please please share your experience and how different it was from us fathers husbands talk to us tell us about your journey into Parenthood Now we move on to the frequently Asked question section how common is postpartum depression it is very common as per my experience and the research that I've had with the women around me I think it is very very common how does it affect your healing in my case it wassen my healing my body stopped accepting the stitches that I had after cesarin and I think that was because I was not able to accept the fact that I went through an operation how does it affect your child in my case I underwent an animalistic Behavior with my child I had to protect my own child from getting harmed by me I'm putting out really cross examples here that is what I went through is paternal postpartum depression a thing yes I read about it it is a thing but I do not know about it so I would like to speak to fathers who have had it let us let us all be ignited enlightened that is the purpose of this community to to talk to each other to Enlighten each other and to make our Journeys easier knowing that there is a shoulder we can always lay our heads back onto so those were the frequently asked questions that section is done now we move on to the parenting tip of the week the parenting tip of the week okay a very important section so um a few days back I was talking to my daughter she doesn't respond back she doesn't speak she only responds in her gestures so I had the music on she started dancing that was one of the most relaxing moments I had with her so what I did was I closed the door let the outsides be outsides and closed the lights and started dancing with her trust me I had tears in my eyes it was such an overwhelming experience so what is the tip the tip is no matter how old your child is go back to your home the working mothers working fathers Housewives businessmen go back home go back home take your children and start dancing okay sneak peek into the second episode we're going to talk about family Dynamics I come from India the setup is very different I will talk about family Dynamics on the other side stay tuned