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[00:00:00] Divya Kapoor: [00:00:00] Welcome to mommy. Track daddy whispers podcast, season two,
[00:00:05] Nadir: [00:00:05] we've all been whacked. All of us. I don't care what the world says. Maybe that's, that's probably one of the best ways of parenting Indian kids. I'm not sure.
[00:00:15] Divya Kapoor: [00:00:15] Two days back
[00:00:24] fathers do not open up the , at least in my. And I believe it is very significant to listen to the father's side of the story. Don't you think? So mothers always wanting husbands to talk a little bit more others complaining that women do not understand easily. It's multi team had conversation with fathers.
[00:00:44] And today we have with us two guests, Peter, who is a marketing professional and digital marketer. Now there who's been a part of the Indian television and media industry currently heading a digital. Now didn't Peter. Let's call you another book on Peter. Welcome to mommy. Drag. [00:01:00] Daddy was whispers podcast.
[00:01:04] Nadir: [00:01:04] Hi there. Thank you so much for getting on the board. Cause it's very exciting when, uh, you have to play the guest and not the host. So I'm always look forward to join in as a guest.
[00:01:18] Peter: [00:01:18] Thanks for turning the table on us. And thanks for calling us.
[00:01:25] Identities now
[00:01:27] Nadir: [00:01:27] the people who actually say that is Peter and me, that's it. Nobody else has it. So it's nice to hear a third person, actually. It does has that. So, yeah.
[00:01:36] Divya Kapoor: [00:01:36] Yeah. So for our listeners, like I heard they run a podcast called pops in a pod where they call themselves nodded popping, pita pop, and I was curious.
[00:01:47] Where does this
[00:01:48] Nadir: [00:01:48] come from? So we wanted to obviously have a, having an interesting name for the podcast, Stan. Um, when Peter called me with the idea that we should, we should definitely do something in the [00:02:00] parenting space. I don't know if somebody is in the musical, it just stuck in my head that, you know, we should do a play of words with a board.
[00:02:07] And then I just said, Hey, how about we just call us and be like, yeah, sounds good. Let's do it. So I think that that's, that's how it, it kind of just kind of stuck.
[00:02:17] Divya Kapoor: [00:02:17] Oh,
[00:02:21] Nadir: [00:02:21] so I, I see where you're getting it from, but no, it has nothing to do with.
[00:02:25] Peter: [00:02:25] Okay. Actually it, it stains right. Uh, now, uh, just for some background used to do, uh, log all the new age status and, uh, we became work colleagues and then I became a follower of clog. And when I came to him with the idea, or, you know, what's now pops up.
[00:02:49] I just titled it new age dad. And I think we still have a Google drive called that. And I think for the longest, you know, we knew exactly what we wanted to talk about [00:03:00] what we didn't want, but now mommy, HSA Korea. Now they came to it, but talking about EDL. Right. But they coincidental thing is I call my dad.
[00:03:17] And actually that's what his name is saved on my phone so much so that if I call him dad, my dad knows dial Mikala head. That's why I'm calling him dad, not Bob, but yeah.
[00:03:31] Divya Kapoor: [00:03:31] And it catches on the name really catches on. So I think it's really nice to call you another 10 feet apart. And, um, we were discussing earlier that, um, fathers don't open up and I just said that fathers don't open up.
[00:03:45] So guys, what do you think about it? Do you have a podcast that talks about parenting and everything else from a father's perspective? What is your take on this?
[00:03:54] Peter: [00:03:54] See, I'll be honest with you. Uh, and this is only my experience. [00:04:00] A lot of my parenting style and everything comes directly from my dad, uh, so much.
[00:04:06] So, uh, the day I found out. That I was going to be a dad. The first person I told was my own father. And the question I asked him was, were you scared when you found out that, you know, mom was pregnant with me and you said scared about what if that's my dad? So of course, I mean, you know, he was one of those eighties dads, right.
[00:04:30] Even though his like demeanor may look like one of those eighties dads, you know, the mustache. I used to always see him compared to my friend's dads. And they would be like, you know, I also skate my dad. Like, he's the coolest guy. He plays cricket with me. Uh, he brings it's the window and blames it on me, all that, what kind of stuff we did growing up.
[00:04:53] So, yeah, that's a distinction I noticed between like my dad and other dads. So my constant [00:05:00] endeavor is that, you know, I'm as good a dad is, if not.
[00:05:05] Divya Kapoor: [00:05:05] Okay. That's wonderful. And again, my father , he is very expressive and he, he wouldn't tell you about how he's feeling in the, you know, daily life and everything, but there are certain things that hit him.
[00:05:19] So he'd like, come to me and say, beta. Yes. They have ways he would cry at certain things. I've seen my father. Yeah. Every father is different. And just the way you said Peter, that others found him intimidating, but you were like, yeah, he's my dad. I play with him and everything. So yeah, I think that's the stoic presence of a father that we've had in our culture throughout, uh, another, what is your take on this?
[00:05:46] Nadir: [00:05:46] So, I mean, both of you all have very expressive fathers and. Uh, you know, pretty, pretty involved with on a, on a day-to-day aspect. My father is exactly how you described a society. [00:06:00] Stoic not very expressive will have a very strange way of showing love. Uh, and I grew up in that kind of a household where my father was, is still, you know, the head of the family.
[00:06:14] Uh, I, I live in his house. This is his house. They'd be born and brought up in, in the city of. I don't pay at the end. Thank God. One other tank tank. So, um, so that way I think both be done privileged that way, but yeah, from an emotional standpoint, what my father provided as a, as a breadwinner. Right. And I heard most of his life stories strangely when they were guests around.
[00:06:41] So we would never talk to him. But I would only hear about his life and they were guessing on, because he used to really love telling stories, anecdotes or whatever it was. So that's, and that's when I would sit and really listen to him because I was like, he's never going to tell me this, you know, but okay.
[00:06:56] Listen to what he's saying. So that's how we grew up. My sister and [00:07:00] I, and don't, my mum keeps claiming that my sister's exactly like my dad. So if you ask her a question, like, so how's this meal and I'll be like, oh, it's very nice. Yeah. A little bit of, a little bit salty, but I love the flavors or whatever that that's me, my son.
[00:07:12] And that's it I'm keeps telling that. Yeah, she's, she's gone in the father. So
[00:07:17] Divya Kapoor: [00:07:17] talking about the new generation fathers, you and Peter, if you were to define yourself as a father, from what we just discussed, how would you define yourself?
[00:07:29] Nadir: [00:07:29] So, um, I'm, I'm very open. If there's one thing that I had to kind of put myself.
[00:07:38] Compared to my father. I think it was weekly idea in my head that I think communication is going to be key. It's very important to communicate with your child and it's, it's so important to communicate on a regular basis. So I'm extremely expressive. Um, and I think that's what makes, um, me of whatever new age.
[00:07:56] It it's, it's this one chance I'm just going to stick to one [00:08:00] kid, that's it. Right. And I'm going to give it everything. I'm going to give it all. This is who I am, and this is what I intend to do. So that's why when we started this platform ops and a board, it's not that, or this is not it. And this has to be done.
[00:08:13] This is who. It's more to actually tell people the experiences of fatherhood, because that's not being spoken about a lot. And, uh, we just want to go out and say that, Hey, we, um, perhaps those 5%, you know, dads and their many dads just like us out there, but unfortunately in the 5% gamut, uh, who are very involved, my, my friends who are very involved, they express the fathers, constantly communicating, sitting, making sure, you know, schooling is done.
[00:08:38] Food is done, whatever, whatever, whatever. So. And I think that's the word I would like to say involve any more of that.
[00:08:45] Divya Kapoor: [00:08:45] Yeah. Participation is what's the new age fathers, you know, forte, maybe if I were to ask you, is it any different, I mean, in terms of you being an easy or a strict father, so [00:09:00] today, are you an easier father as compared to your own father or maybe you maintain the strict demeanor time from time to
[00:09:09] Peter: [00:09:09] time?
[00:09:11] You know, it also depends on the situation. And, uh, you know, this is a discussion my wife and I had before we had our son. And, uh, you were very open that, you know, we didn't want to fit these stereotypes. Typically what happens, uh, is that one parent is always seen as stricter than the other. And, you know, by default then the other parent is the easier one.
[00:09:38] We experienced that in our own lights. So we were very clear that, you know, both have to be a balance. Um, so far it's been four years and I think we're still getting there. There's certain times where, uh, my son will act up and I need to put my foot down. And it all depends on the situation. I mean, [00:10:00] sometimes we feel that, you know, when it comes to certain things like food, my son will, you know, go towards my wife.
[00:10:07] But, uh, you know, when he wants to play and he knows exactly. And it's strange how, like, you know, this age figured out this, but, uh, it was a very conscious decision on my wife and I part that we don't want one parent to be demonized by me, put it that way because as the child grows up in that kind of sticks in their head, And, uh, you, you don't want to be like, even though you're the fun parent, you don't want to be the strict parent, just because of a certain situation or a set of situations.
[00:10:38] Divya Kapoor: [00:10:38] Yeah. That kind of demand, or that kind of a pressure has been uplifted from us public in the case of globalization or books out there, because we tend to read a lot more. We tend to see the world, how things happen. And in my case, I often see that children everywhere across the world as things. So if, if somebody in the U S is not wearing socks, [00:11:00] being a toddler, that's exactly what's happening to me with my daughter.
[00:11:03] She doesn't matter socks. So, I mean, it's not, it's not how she is. It's just a development stage. So yeah. You know, figuring it out. And not having that persona attached to yourself, which actually stresses the parents out a lot more than, you know, children. They do get stressed out in those situations with the parents, they get stressed out equally.
[00:11:27] And so yeah, parenting is a process. That's what we talk about in mommy track that he was post podcast. I'm so glad you brought it up here.
[00:11:34] Peter: [00:11:34] And I just add one more thing. What happens also, right. And I'm sure now they can chime in and agree or disagree. Okay. Is it so strange? Like, you know, you see your parent who, I'm not saying, you know, the dad or the mom, but growing up who was very strict and now the moment they are the grandparent completely changing.
[00:11:57] And you're just like, he, I never got [00:12:00] we with all of this and now you're letting my child get like, what's my entire childhood. Like something did something go wrong or they don't. Do you agree?
[00:12:10] Nadir: [00:12:10] No. No, absolutely. I think you're bang on. Um, so if I, if I had to tell you we've all been whacked, all of us, I don't care what the world says.
[00:12:23] Maybe that's, that's probably one of the best ways of parenting Indian kids. Do I subscribe to it? No, because now we, now we know, as you said, right, globalization, uh, pottery information. mental health.
[00:12:40] we have to be mindful of those things because whoa. Knowledge
[00:12:46] But yeah, th there are, there are certain ways of, of dealing with it. So I agree with Beto, you know, what a defense set for us, like the fringe, human being, then these evolved into some other beings. My dad still gets [00:13:00] annoyed and pissed off
[00:13:05] nice and Ms. Sweet towards, you know, my daughter and whatever. We'll leave it up, but the minute it comes to the TV or if he's eating it all and.
[00:13:27] Divya Kapoor: [00:13:27] Yeah. And my mom said to me, when I had, uh, the Russia that, uh, you know, interest is more, you know, lovable Dan principle. So we were principals and our children. And I definitely agree with the fact that you cannot give advice or tips because parenting has no tips. It's very important to equip yourself in knowledge on human behavior and, you know, child psychology, if you can, if you have the means.
[00:13:55] So I definitely agree with you on that. Uh,
[00:13:57] Nadir: [00:13:57] but yeah. You know, even if parents give [00:14:00] tips to other parents, sometimes it's okay. Right. You know uh and, and tell him, you know, how do you deal with a situation like this? Uh, my daughter's doing blah, blah, blah, and Peter will say, or they had something similar happened with my son also.
[00:14:13] So this is how I did it. Okay, great. Fantastic. You know, what's worse. What's worse is when a non-parent comes to you and says, yay. I didn't pay to con the
[00:14:30] that's annoying. I'm short. It comes from a place of concern and, or love or whatever. What you don't have kids, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't have kids. You get not possibly give me advice on how to deal with the situation that I'm very well aware of how to deal with it. Right? Kids are very finicky. Let's, let's face it.
[00:14:50] They have an attention span of a goldfish. So every time they make the same mistake, the outcome is very different. So, I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm glad you're telling [00:15:00] me something, but don't mind me. I'm not going to take it.
[00:15:04] Divya Kapoor: [00:15:04] Yes. There's a difference between criticism and a well-made advice. And it's just the way it's delivered.
[00:15:09] I think that's what tells you where it's coming from.
[00:15:28] Nadir: [00:15:28] it's always like that, right? It's always as if I will teach you how to do it. But who are you? Why should I listen to. Yeah, they took the whole aspect of personal space. Doesn't exist in this country who made up high, made it up high. You have to listen to me, you know, it's, it's very, I mean, it's nice. I get it.
[00:15:48] It's sweet. Back off. I won't leave you annoyed. I have a kid over yours. You don't give me some space. So yeah, it happens. It's all day. We get used to it. You become a patient as parents.
[00:15:59] Divya Kapoor: [00:15:59] Yes. [00:16:00] Yes. And, um, you know, no matter how much you push our boundaries, we be like, okay, so coming from what, what another just said, you know, , so outcome was this and tomorrow the outcome would be different.
[00:16:13] You know, we often have, and I have those times when I have applied some measure and it turned out brilliant. Calmed my daughter like anything. And I was like, wonderful. I have the magic wand now. And the next time it happens, I'm like, Dan, it's not working. It's not a lot. Has this happened with you guys? I think it's very common.
[00:16:33] We are. Let's just bring the discussion up on that. So,
[00:16:37] Peter: [00:16:37] you know, it's strange that you, you talked about it. Uh, I think this is something that I think your three parent can relate to is sleep, right? So from the early days of Nia itself, I said, you know what, I'm not going to be that stereotypical dad. Who's like, important.
[00:16:54] Uh, Chico, they call it, you know what, I'm going to stay up. I'm gonna [00:17:00] put him to sleep. And I had had this thing where I was like, Hey, you know what? I can sync. So I remember when he was a few months old, I would sing to him, walk with him. And I noticed a few times like a few songs work. So I was like, yes, like I've cracked the code.
[00:17:15] Exactly. Like you said, Hey, so I wrote my wife very excited. So she's like, oh, good, good, good. This was two days later. Same thing happened. I sang the same song. I did get three things. And that's the thing with parenting, right? I mean, one plus one doesn't equal two plus two doesn't equal. There's so many multiple day reveals.
[00:17:36] And then as parents, sometimes you just keep scratching at like mini cat here. So then at some point you're just doubting yourself. You're like, wait, did I do that? Right? Okay. Should I do this again? So yeah, sleep food. Oh my God. Like my son keeps changing his mind about like his face. I'll tell, I'll tell people that how, you know, [00:18:00] or Sunday, and then they'll make my shoe and give it to him.
[00:18:03] Yeah. And that is the thing that they get that point. You're just like, oh my God, like I'm just worse parent devil. Like, that kind of .
[00:18:16] Divya Kapoor: [00:18:16] Yeah, because your mind, the public, you, you know, you proclaim something and uh, it's it's they got to change their mind. Okay. I don't like it. I never liked it. And there'll be so she all about it.
[00:18:27] That you'll be like, What were you like two days back?
[00:18:36] Nadir: [00:18:36] It's almost like every kid has, has the red Murphy's low-income hang on. This is what he's saying. I'm going to do the exact opposite.
[00:18:46] Divya Kapoor: [00:18:46] I like the way you laid down, you know?
[00:18:52] Going far from here. Uh, Peter and I were discussing about COVID, you know, the discussion that we all have these days. So, um, we [00:19:00] were discussing about the increasing digital space think creasing use of pictures and videos of children at times, maybe, you know, in the name of, uh, content creation at the expense of the child's privacy.
[00:19:13] Right. And, um, I was very glad that Peter and I had, uh, the similar bent of mine where we wanted to protect that, because my reason was that I do not want to invade her privacy. Maybe tomorrow she grows up and sees those pictures. If in case she sees she'll be like, okay, I never wanted, or I don't want, at this point of time that those pictures should have been up there.
[00:19:37] That was my stance on it. But I would like to know from you guys, you know, what's your take.
[00:19:45] Nadir: [00:19:45] So I think from the beginning, it was very clear that we will not expose, uh, daughters, um, pretty intimate pictures on online. Um, especially in the social media [00:20:00] space. I mean, these are private moments. Um, if you have to do it, we'll do it in such a way where, uh, it's not going to be saved.
[00:20:08] The story spread out of the, uh, . Or, um, ticket, um, you know, school. Um, my wife always has a single, my hair is looking great in the sunlight, you know, the way it's like all my daughters let's be prudent that way. Um, did we do it in the past? Yes, we did. And there was a point where at the next year, all of those images.
[00:20:34] I mean, I've, I've become the father for the first time. And I want to show off my daughter. I want the world to know, you know, what she's like, but I would also be very careful with the kinds of images I would make. I wouldn't show her entire face. And you know, things like that. Uh, there were some, there were some photographs, obviously that show her and her definition of a face.
[00:20:51] And I, one day I just went and I just cleared everything. I just removed everything from, from my Instagram. And, you know, I realized that this is, I mean, I know nothing's going to [00:21:00] happen, but you know, why take a chance. So, and as you rightly said, you know, tomorrow, you might think that what you are putting up is sweet and funny and cute and whatnot.
[00:21:09] But when, even when our kids grew up, this is going to questions that can you, can you not do that? Yeah. Um, you didn't put it up with my permission. And I remember there was this case in Austria, you know, this golden 18 years old and she sued her parents when she's like, they refused to remove these, you know, private pictures of me as a kid.
[00:21:25] I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. You know, imagine, um, well this happened in that, I don't know, I don't want to take a chance, but the point is there are certain things that have any private initiative. And, you know, my, my wife is blaming me.
[00:21:42] at least enjoy the moment. See what your kid's doing. Right. So I, I get that a lot. Oh, I used to get that a lot. Don't even ask. Well
[00:21:54] Divya Kapoor: [00:21:54] um, you know, children, when they start running, they start, right?
[00:21:58] Nadir: [00:21:58] Yeah. And everything has to look [00:22:00] good on Instagram at eight, like use that setting up after a point by the end of the, it will be like, it has to look natural and we are all guilty of it. I'm not saying that. Look, we're all guilty of it. But do we want to do it with aids?
[00:22:14] To that extent it is. We don't do it. We put up stories. Yes. Because we know it's going to disappear in 24 hours. We put up posts kind of avoid that.
[00:22:23] Divya Kapoor: [00:22:23] So as somebody in the television and the digital space, but as somebody from that space, what do you think about the extent of forgery that can happen?
[00:22:36] Peter: [00:22:36] It's been a decade since I joined the digital.
[00:22:40] And, uh, the moment I realized how algorithms and Facebook and all of it worked, uh, I became very uncomfortable sharing, you know, a lot of details online about myself, uh, when my wife and I actually started dating, we barely had any photos. I think the only, the first time we uploaded a photo of [00:23:00] both of us online was when we got engaged.
[00:23:03] And that was the easiest way. The only reason I was okay with it was that was the easiest way to tell all my friends around the world that, Hey, I'm engaged. Uh, same thing happened with our wedding. We didn't put up. I actually saw the difference. The moment I went engaged on Facebook, all the ads I saw change.
[00:23:20] I started seeing green ads, honeymoon ads, all that kind of stuff. So it was very clear. Uh, it went to an extent that my wife is pregnant, so I didn't put up much. We didn't tell a lot of people also, uh, when she delivered, I was very clear to all my friends and family. Like I sent photos on WhatsApp and on, but two weeks, you know, after my son was born, I literally had families say, you know, we're really happy for you.
[00:23:46] Uh, we've shared it with a few select people, but you let us know when you're comfortable us putting photos up. Even now, I think that's one of the few pictures of my son on my Facebook is of him actually covering [00:24:00] his face because the light was coming in and that's it. Like, I am very clear that way, fortunately and all.
[00:24:08] Yeah. I mean, it is one of the sad parts of the internet, honestly. Uh, I mean, that's the thing I feel also with, you know, smartphones and the digital media. Right, right. There was a time that, you know, if you had, you know, those old school cameras roll case up and all of that, nobody would come and take a picture with your sun oil daughter.
[00:24:31] But all it takes is like a second or two of someone to take a picture of your child and that this is without you knowing, or without anything else, there have been instances where I'm just like completely staged. Like, do you want to take a picture of my son? Like you don't even know him kind of thing.
[00:24:49] Yeah, you just have to put your foot down. At some point,
[00:24:53] Nadir: [00:24:53] I've had this situation where people have walked up to me and they've said, can we take a picture of your daughter? And I've said, no, [00:25:00] and these are strangers and known people. So imagine I'm sitting in a public space and somebody just walks up to me and says, can I take a petroleum?
[00:25:07] I said, absolutely not. I mean, that's, it's weird. That's what he told you. Right? Um, you think this is normal,
[00:25:21] privacy, like personal space. They don't get the concept of that. Right. They, even when people who, you know, asked for that, I will think twice. And I'm like, so once I remember God, Two office. And there was this one, uh, there was this girl, baby sweet girl, and she loved kids. So when she saw my daughter, she was obviously playing, she was taking her everywhere and following them around everywhere, seeing where she's going.
[00:25:46] Um, obviously you took a couple of photos. I was okay with it. And then suddenly next day, I'm seeing that it's a part of a BP. And so my daughter is in her DP and I'm there. Okay, that's weird. Why, why would you do that? So it's very, [00:26:00] it's like, almost like
[00:26:05] whatever I don't, I don't get it. So if you ask, what is the main difference between, you know, parents now in parents, then? I think it's the whole overprotect Ms. That has, I think definitely. Um, and this is just one way of showing. I mean, I would be lying if I said that I'm not protective of, of my, of my daughter.
[00:26:27] I am, I am. I have to be, I mean, my one eye is always going to be on her one because she's smaller, she's young and there's just too many people around, you know? And you just have to be very careful she's she enjoys all the freedom. Don't get me wrong, but it just, I do have to be careful.
[00:26:43] Divya Kapoor: [00:26:43] Yeah, I definitely respect that and appreciate that at the same time, because I am also dissimilar to payment and I've had situations where family members took a picture and it was on their stories on their Facebook.
[00:26:56] You took a picture, you do not keep it with yourself. Never asked me why it was going to [00:27:00] your friends of friends, friends, and maybe they can download it. And then it goes somewhere else. And the picture is lying there on the internet everywhere. So. It's very important to bring forward this concept of privacy.
[00:27:12] And I think this is a medium and whichever medium, if you talk to your friends, wherever you go, I mean, it's important to exercise it. And, and also when you brought up the point of our parents being not as protective as we are, I think the amount of exposure and the amount of tools and the amount of misuse that can happen now was not there yet.
[00:27:36] Peter: [00:27:36] So the reason, the reason I'm smiling about this, right, is that a lot of times my wife and I have this discussion where I say that, you know, if I knew all the things I knew now, right. I would lead my childhood very differently because we, and I'm sure another can repeat childhoods, very carefree. You would go to some [00:28:00] your parents would only have known him.
[00:28:04] Yeah, I will never let my son do that. Right. Or somebody says, Kihara my friend has this new video game or something like that. You wouldn't go because you didn't know better. Right. But I think back I'm like, wow, we, I did keep my parents up quite a bit. Worry my parents quite a bit. So that's one of the things I always tell my dad hats off to you because I don't know how you did all of that and management.
[00:28:34] Divya Kapoor: [00:28:34] Um, you know, brings a memory for me. My dad used to take me for a walk early in the morning and he would leave me in a park on a Monday and go and take his rounds. He knew some old people there who would exercise and do all kinds of planograms. I knew children there. I still have memories where I would just go to random people, talk to them, play in the Monday, go to Monday, do whatever I want for the next [00:29:00] 45 minutes.
[00:29:00] And he'll come back and do it. I still got on. Come to understand what was the difference in that dive in today? Of course today's times have
[00:29:08] Nadir: [00:29:08] changed. It's very sweet that you brought up grandparents. So I'll tell you, I'll tell you a story about my, my grandmom. Okay. My, my grandmom was, uh, very, very conservative.
[00:29:19] Okay. And, um, um, but she used to do it on me because I am a middle child, right. And everything I do. She, she made sure that she had a me and
[00:29:37] Um, and I love that attention. I I'm, I'm not, I'm not going to lie. I love the attention. And it just got really strange when you got older, because then this still time, you know, you like it. So the first time I actually ventured out all by myself, all by myself to go pick a ride in the bus, go from. Got it.
[00:29:55] Gestalt
[00:30:00] [00:30:00] timeframe. I had a member, my granny was palpitating. When she found out that I'm going to take a trip, you know, um, uh, in, in, in a local bus, um, which dwell, well, you know, maybe that my mother is a standing then she's like, what is going on? This kid is going to pick up. You know, he's never going to grow up with, this is how it's going to be imagined.
[00:30:27] My mother's thing that she did that. So she made me touch
[00:30:36] all of that. It still happens today, by the way my parents still do. Then we go on a long trip. My father give me a hundred to be
[00:30:46] very good at. And that culture has got to relate to them. I don't think so. I, but does that mean I'm not a protective parent? I'm very protective, but I'm not going to be crazy, [00:31:00] you know, what's going to happen. Uh, but my, my, my wife suspects that the first time my daughter goes out on her own any public transport, I'll be the first one to follow around everywhere.
[00:31:11] But yeah, I mean, you can never be too careful.
[00:31:17] Divya Kapoor: [00:31:17] And, uh, I also like this perspective that you've brought up, that we are protected and they were also protected in their own way that probably we are in our own ways, just because the ecosystem has changed through these years. And if I have to ask you talking of traditions, like you said, what would be that tradition in your families, which you would want to, you know, you know, transfer to your children or take down to two.
[00:31:44] Peter: [00:31:44] So things that I'm not a very traditional person. Um, and the reason I married my wife is neither is she. Uh, but I feel that, you know, it's more important than telling your kids to do certain things, right? I mean, [00:32:00] that's where my wife and I have been very conscious is that whatever we do or whatever we tell us, and we do it us.
[00:32:08] And it can be the smallest thing also of leading by example, I think is the most important thing for kids, because otherwise, if you just tell them, they immediately see that you're lying. Okay. The younger you kind of in calculate back to him. But I must say, I mean, both my wife and I have, you know, you know, whenever it is that we can help someone out in whatever small way it is, we do a little bit and that's something I definitely want.
[00:32:37] My son to continue doing, because I feel not many people do that anymore. I mean, we've become so decent, uh, everything around us and we become very self-involved. I feel you feel that, you know, as parents of all of us are guilty where, you know, certain time, you know, me focusing on your kids, but if you look around at the other kids [00:33:00] who are not fortunate now and all of that, so that's definitely something that my wife and I will constantly.
[00:33:07] Trying to push into our son because is us accepting that, you know, we have a particular privilege compared to everyone else and we have further passed it onto him. So I don't want him to feel the har like
[00:33:24] Sabika that kind of thing. I don't want him to kind of respond. Yeah. Because it's very easy. I mean, we are living in, you know, a Metro city with a roof above our head. And all the basic amenities. Uh, so many people, a couple of kilometers away here in Bombay itself who don't lead those lights.
[00:33:45] Divya Kapoor: [00:33:45] Yeah. Talking about a lack of sensitivity these days and the importance of empathy, you know, developing empathy in our children and compassion.
[00:33:53] Maybe, uh, there is also a lot of confusion when it comes to, you know, there were times when I, when I went to [00:34:00] parents would just see a bad girl. Give them something. And we think twice and we always in deliver. It is, I am always in dilemma if I did that right or wrong. So I think, um, you know, doing it just the way we wanted to do.
[00:34:14] And just leading by example is a great way. And, you know, let them figure it, figure these things out on their own when they grew up, because it's not everything that needs to be taught to them. I definitely, definitely loved that idea. And. We've discussed a lot of, you know, Wayne Reed points here, and we've discussed about your podcast and a lot of other stuff you did tell me that your podcast is kind of a journal of your experiences, like another said.
[00:34:44] So, um, if you wanted them to listen to a particular episode or a particular story on your podcast, what would that?
[00:34:54] Nadir: [00:34:54] I would definitely go back to the first step. Because, um, that was the first [00:35:00] story that I wrote on the blog. And that was the first episode that we recorded Rita and I, and any new project that you start by first steps are the most important steps.
[00:35:13] And you will never forget that. Right. And it just happens to be the bloating, bloating story about ghetto
[00:35:25] And the entire, the entire process state of, of both our, both things, because it's so different, like wildly different stories. I think people will remember this is this kid's birthday audiences. He does experience. And that is something I would want my child. To listen to for short, because you know, when there are days when she's going to be extremely primal with her hatred, it's going to happen.
[00:35:55] It's going to happen. That's what I'm going to say. Pick you hate me right now. It's [00:36:00] okay. Uh, you don't want to say, sorry, I don't wanna say, sorry. I'm the Nikki, you go ahead. Take a no problem.
[00:36:14] you'll you'll understand how much. We love you and you have no idea. We probably don't keep, we keep telling you this and you don't want to hear it because you're embarrassed of your parents or for whatever reason, but just yell it out. And then, then maybe once you're calm, then we can probably sit and have a drink together or whatever.
[00:36:30] But yeah, that's the episode.
[00:36:32] Divya Kapoor: [00:36:32] That's very, very sweet. Uh, Peter, what, which episode would you want to do? You know, have yours? Um,
[00:36:43] Peter: [00:36:43] Before telling you that, right? I mean, you brought up an interesting point about us as parents, and I think so I do another podcast also, uh, on heavy metal music. And I'm not joking to me that was easier to do, but the fact that [00:37:00] another nice spent an entire year working on ops in a support and every episode we craft.
[00:37:08] I have, like one of these guiding principles is, Hey, we're not kids grow up and they'll listen to this. What will they say? So I think the episode that another's talking about, I think we had like three or four drafts we recorded, went back to, we finally got it. Right. And, uh, I would definitely agree. I mean, like when I, well, it's me listening to that episode, I'm really proud of it.
[00:37:30] So I'm sure when she grows up also will be put to me. You know, I always say that, you know, uh, whites don't get enough credit. The entire episode is, or the entire podcast is not their fault. Peter Paul, we keep talking about ourselves and all the people drivers, and the reason why we can do this is that wipes.
[00:37:52] And that's why I'm going to episode 45, uh, sorry, Biden six. He got, uh, wipes to talk about de Jr [00:38:00] because you're two guys. It's very easy to
[00:38:05] Maybe both the child, but getting your wives to kind of, you know, keep it real, talk about their journey also because like any relationship, right. It's two sites. Uh, you're only gonna hear us to read predominantly. And for me, honestly, my wife and I went through a lot from the time she got pregnant all the way, like she delivered and we still go through every day.
[00:38:30] So, you know, on days, like now they'll say like when my. Some will feel that heart, you don't like us even want us, you, you think this life that you live is so easy and it was so easy for you to be born or, you know, everything that you have listened to these episodes, see what your parents went through. Uh, over a matter of it, wasn't just like, like everyone looks at, you know, the child being born or being conceived and porn is nine months.
[00:38:57] No one realizes it's the years [00:39:00] before that. And the years after that, that really is important, right? It's not just the nine months now.
[00:39:06] Divya Kapoor: [00:39:06] And, uh, I just had a thought I'd probably, if we are in a stage when we are not as expressive, do you do tons of things? Because you know, we have our own expressions, children have our own expressions and like others.
[00:39:23] It's not necessary that we come, you know, we easily converge to one point because there are generations, there will be a gap. What will come tomorrow? We do not know. So that's, that's wonderful and very, very sweet. And also I wanted to point this out since we are podcasters, you are talking when a podcaster comes and tells you their story.
[00:39:47] Very intimate, maybe just with its heart. I do see podcasts. As a process wherein you want to help people out. You want to tell them that these are the experiences that I [00:40:00] went through, and if you're going through them that then that's okay. Or maybe I just learned this and you know, let's talk about it.
[00:40:06] And maybe you're just, it will help you somewhere down the line, but it has its own emotional, you know, value. And it does MTU. Sometimes it does. Burden you as well sometimes. Okay. Is this enough or is this less, or is this what I want to bring out? So there's always that kind of a dilemma attached to it.
[00:40:29] When you want to speak something out there, when you put yourself out there for the world to see nothing, that's with a lot of content creators as well. So I'm talking about, you know, the burnouts and the emotional value that you guys are bringing. Really thrilled. And I'm really happy that we could come together on this platform and talk about parenting from a father's perspective and whatever you guys are doing with your podcast, the [00:41:00] things you bring on, it's tremendous.
[00:41:02] It's wonderful. I will now call this a wrap, but before we leave, is there something that you want to, you know, tell our listeners.
[00:41:16] Nadir: [00:41:16] Considering that our listeners 90% would be moms. I would, I would say that, you know, not, not all fathers, not all husbands, uh, idiots that has some very, very clear vision of how parenting works. And I think it does start with, with equality and, and that's, that's the message that we definitely want to spread for sure.
[00:41:45] It's sad that we have to use the term equal parenting because spending in itself means equal, right. Because it takes two to make, right. So that's the ideology that we have to work with that all we believe in equal parenting. No, I mean, [00:42:00] parenting is that like it's responsibilities that have to be shared and that's something, that's the message that we want to kind of put across.
[00:42:07] We want more men just like us to, um, sort of hear our stories, hopefully, you know, hopefully. Uh, inspired and, and probably, uh, kind of just put in that little bit more effort. Uh, we still feel, we are not that, like, if you speak to our wives now next, maybe in, in, in a new episode, they don't know half the things that we do.
[00:42:30] So like heavy or hot goods, even as parents, but, um, but yeah, I think. We do to the best of our ability. We are constantly, um, that, you know, they always say that as a parent, you just need to show up. I don't necessarily subscribe to that. It's not just about showing up it's, uh, it's showing up and then doing things and then guiding, uh, I think that's, that's the role of a parent and it's [00:43:00] important because it's the entire journey that there are no, there are no breaks.
[00:43:09] It never works like that. It's never going to happen.
[00:43:18] so, yeah, I mean, I just feel that, um, effort, effort is very important. Very, very important. Yeah.
[00:43:25] Divya Kapoor: [00:43:25] I agree. Being emotionally present is very important and uh, like you said, it's a process of learning and unlearning on learning all that, you know, we thought we knew and as the children wrote the teachers so much.
[00:43:38] So you can never be perfect. Perfect. Parenting does not exist. That's what we talked about here. And we have a term on our podcast, balanced parenting, just as a synonym of equal parenting. You know, certain things do come into the moms a lot and, you know, things can come into the father's lap and then, you know, it can be.
[00:44:00] [00:44:00] When it comes to children's so, yeah. Uh, and, uh, it was a wonderful discussion and, uh, you know, I'm smiling right now. So that's a big takeaway from this discussion. Thank you so much guys, for coming on board and you know, so hard to do us. Thank you. Now didn't Peter share their wisdom with us. Some incredible story, honest revelations, the memory.
[00:44:29] And now I wanted to share with you a beautiful line. I read in a book that I also shared on my Instagram Janna. Here. It goes, Shellman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later that the man before him was not an aging father, but a boy, a boy, much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own.
[00:44:58] As best as he could [00:45:00] out of a sense of duty and perhaps love adopted a role called being a father saw that his child would have something mythical plea, important, a protector who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibility of flight. The bonfire of the vanity. And on that line, I take a leave
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