Coming to you from the last video store in the universe, it's Bitch Movies, episode 187! I don't feel right. I'm Jason. This is the show that ranks and eliminates movies to determine which ones are most worthy of preservation for all time, even beyond the end times. In this episode, we rank the top 10 through 6 grocery films of 2007. I feel off inside. I feel like the chemicals in my brain are not in equilibrium and I can't tell. Did I actually watch a movie where a rat cooks food?
Did I? Did the Simpsons have a film, a feature film? And did Nicolas Cage, was he part of an ancestral confederacy plot to kill Lincoln? Hide a city of gold. I don't know if it's the movies. I don't know if it's the company I keep in this instance. It's Kevin from real spoilers. Claire from Glastonbury. from Venice, from Khan, from Kent, from London, from car parks near you and from W rated. How are you?
I'm good. Thank you. Yeah, Kevin, you? I'm doing well. I wish I had a little bit more impressive of an intro, but I guess I'll take it. Very few of us can live up to Claire. i love the hype i love the the lies and let's keep them coming uh yeah my entire uh interpretation of you claire is based off of your instagram and
Isn't the top thing on my Instagram a reel begging people to give me money because my home was destroyed? That's the sad stuff. I ignore that. I like to feel good inside. I have to say, though. Claire, as a guest, I mean this as a guest, have I told you lately that I love you as a guest?
No, what you told me was to prepare to be a guest, spend a week of my life watching all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, which destroyed part of my soul, and then told me that you forgot you asked me and had already recorded it with someone else. Oh my gosh. I wouldn't have minded except for Pirates of the Caribbean. That took something from me. Have I told you that there's no one else above you? Okay.
that you fill my heart with gladness and take away all my sadness that ease my troubles that's what you do okay thanks and kevin you're also here thank you Do you guys need me on this one? Kevin wasn't forgotten about, so Kevin means more. Kevin, um... Kevin had some kind of disaster that I won't get into because it's not life-threatening or anything, but it's a grand inconvenience that then scrambled his life.
And thus scrambled the order of which everything in my life is going to happen. The ripple effect of mother nature. Wow. It is. Yeah. So here we are and we're all together now and I'm not in my right mind. And it's time to talk about Zack Snyder. So let's go talking about 2007's 300. which currently has a 61% on Rotten Tomatoes. Spartans! Prepare for glory! Experience a groundbreaking vision in IMAX.
With mind-blowing visuals and unparalleled sound. This is smarter! Feel the wrath in IMAX. 300. We're in for one wild night. Visit IMAX.com for showtimes and listings. 300 was directed by Zack Snyder with a screenplay by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnston, Michael B. Gordon. It's based on 300 by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. It's a triumphant return of Lena. Heady? Heady? How are we saying it these days? I think it's Heady. Oh, I always said Heady. Yeah.
But you're closer to the action than I am, Claire. What do you say, Claire? I say heady, but I've literally never questioned it nor heard anyone say it. That's just what I say. I think in the States, don't we typically say heady? I don't think that's right. We do a lot of things like that, though, Jason. We don't question how things should be. I mean, lest we not get back into the debate on how you guys say the word.
Craig, that's been, you know. Craig? Craig. Craig. That's not a name. The name is Craig. Craig. Oh, because we spell it A-I-G, but we call it Craig. We said AIG. The correct pronunciation is Craig. Not Craig. Craig. It's Craig. Like they exaggerated because there's an AI. Craig. Craig. Craig. And we say Craig. Craig. Like K-R-E-K. Like Greg. Well, I would say Craig. Just a broken society. I'm going to say Craig.
Did you say it's just a broken society? Is that what you said, Claire? Oh, we live in a society. Yeah, we live in a society. Speaking of Zack Snyder, right? Yeah, that's right. Also... Michael Fassbender. Did I say that right? Now that's not right. Fassbender. We say Fassbender over here, but yeah, I'm sure in Germany. Is it really Fassbender? It's Fassbender. He's German, so Fass. Yeah.
He's German? He's half German, half Northern Irish, I believe. I thought he was Irish. He was born in Heidelberg, West Germany. What the fuck is happening? Well, he was in Bastards. He was in Bastards, yeah. This film was released March 9, 2007 on a budget of $65 million. It made $456 million. I don't really have a synopsis for this one because it just is what it is, right? It's like a retelling of the Spartan myth of the 300.
And it's a pretty much direct panel for panel adaptation of the graphic novel. That is an adaptation of the myth. Like what, what else, what is there to say about it? It stops as well. That's pretty much it. This is the one that really put Zack Snyder on the map. I mean, Dawn of the Dead was a good remake. You had James Gunn and Snyder working together, but this is the one that got him noticed and would then on get him all of his jobs.
Obviously, they would transition to the job to Watchmen, and then all his other visual flair would seek its way into his work. So this was the first one I really took notice of. So you're saying this is to blame? This was the one. And Claire, had you ever seen this one before? Yeah, I actually suffered through this at the cinema. I was delighted to watch it again. Did you go by yourself or was it a man who took you?
I went with three men. I went, I believe, the day that I finished my high school exam season. Did you say high school? Yeah. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I finished school in 2007. Oh, no! I finished my A-levels and not everyone had. So me and the three guys that had all finished our exams went off to see 300 for the afternoon. What is an A-level?
It's like our final level of exam before you go to university. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yes, you do a load at 16 and then you do a load at 18. And the ones at 18 are A-doubles. I still don't understand what any of that means, but that's all right. They're just like nationwide exams. I'm an American. I don't know how to read. Yeah, I don't know how education works. I don't have an education system. All right. I have freedom. This is not a test.
This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the US government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.
Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. when the purge concludes. Blessed be our new founding fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all. I have the flag. I have patriotism. This explains a lot of the movies you make us watch. I have rights. Unlike you. other folks in other parts of the world, you're not free because you're not here. That is true.
Um, I was surprised to see that this would be nothing to either of you and most of the audience, but Stephen McHattie is in this movie. He plays like the faithful kind of advisor guys telling the story. uh, through parts of it. And, uh, then, you know, he's the ones working with Lena Headey, Headey's, uh, character. Uh, he played Stapa in the final finale of Quantum Leap.
oh okay nobody cares about that but i do i know him from little character roles and definitely from this but i don't know that i did yeah i never watched that he plays a ghost who's leaping through time to save people in a limbo town in Pennsylvania that Sam Beckett leaps into. It's very strange. It's a very odd way to end that series. I've only seen this one time. I saw it in theaters with my dearly departed co-host, Pat.
At a theater I've only ever been to one time, and it was to see this one. And the novelty of that theater at the time was, even though it was a piece of shit theater. they sold alcohol at the theater, which was not typical in America in 2007. And everyone was like, they have alcohol and chicken fingers. Whoa! I remember when that started popping up before everything was a dine-in.
We had this one called B&B here that brought that in before we had an Alamo, before everyone else did. B&B just bought. a huge Cinemark theater near me. I drove by it. It was an old big Cinemark. Really? Okay. Now it's B&B. I thought, what the hell is B&B? Yeah, they're scooping them up. So we had Marcus came in and bought up our Warenbergs, which if you're from St. Louis or the Midwest, you'll know.
I'm from the Midwest. I've never heard of it. Okay. But very like Illinois, Missouri, like, you know, very located. It's a local. Which, by the way, is the actual Midwest. Where I'm at, everybody, oh, you're from the Midwest. No.
I'm not. Would you consider Pittsburgh the Midwest? No. No, we're more than the Midwest here. I'm an hour from Pittsburgh. Come on. Yeah. So anyway, yeah. So Marcus bought up Warenberg, and then B&B is buying up other ones. And all these little chains are acquiring more and more.
consolidating because you know that's always great for the consumer that's exactly right as the entertainment industry continues to contract claire and there's less and less opportunities for independent creators such as ourselves what do you see the future being um Disaster. Miserable. Let's hope I get hit by a bus before it happens. That's optimistic. I come with the optimism, always.
in fairness though we are only starting to get the dining cinemas here like we have them in central london but i live about an hour outside of london and we don't really have them out here yet um and i look forward to the day that i can get chicken fingers while i watch a movie like that would be nice I've never been to London and I made an offhanded comment that maybe I'd come out for something. And then your response was that you would take me to a car park.
No, you said that you would make me go to that god-awful Shrek 3D experience in London, at which point I pointed out that actually, I don't live in London, therefore we can't do that. I live in Kent, and one of the only exciting things we have is that it's... Pocahontas lived and there's some car park where there's a big statue because that's where she lived. Oh, I see. Shrek 4D experience. Can you explain this to me? I'm not familiar with this. Wasn't there one at Universal for years?
There was a Universal. I went to the one at Universal Florida that was really fun because that was like a cute ride thing. This thing is like about £40 a ticket and you go into like a room and then you just walk through it and it's just like...
some things on the walls some guy did like a tiktok where he like illegally filmed it because the first thing when you go in it's like absolutely no phones was this like the willy wonka thing where they just like threw together it's not that bad it's just not good Did you go to the Willy Wonka thing?
no that's like that was in scotland i think and but i followed it i followed it you're close enough so like like we're not gonna go but like i would have loved to have gone there and actually my own eyes scotland's like seven eight hours away and that's like like i went to scotland this summer and it was
for the plane ticket, which isn't a lot. It's not like a day trip. But no, I wasn't going to that Willy Wonka thing. Everyone's scared of any experience now. There's a Padminton one in London and everyone's terrified to buy tickets. You don't know. You have a functional transportation system, though, even in between countries and territories. For instance, Kevin.
Lives in St. Louis. That's probably 10 hours, maybe a little bit more from me. It's probably like by car. It's probably like a five-hour flight. No, less than that. It's probably like a three-hour flight, I would think. Yeah, probably no direct flight for me to him. And I would have to spend probably no less than $600 to get there.
we have bad transportation systems in the states but like a train ticket to scotland's about 300 pound a flight if you book it in the midst of like me and my brother went but we got like a 6 a.m shitty flight and it was 80 pound um it would be better to get the train, but that's 300 pound and trains are consistently delayed. So you guys are going to shit over there too. Wouldn't you fucking know it is the sun setting on the West.
Has Western civilization collapsed and we're just living through the dying days of it? But let's wait until we get to the stupid zombie movie before we talk about that. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was what we call a tease in the business. Okay, so I have only seen this movie once, like I said, and I... remember it being instantly parodied over and over and over again i'll meet the spartans remember that yes and then there was that like that uh edm song was like
This is Sparta! And it was like a dubstep song. Remember that one? But this was the beginning of... This is Sparta! Over and over and over again. This is my swan, my swan, yeah, donkey. But this is the beginning of slow motion in movies. One plague that he did bring upon us. Speed up, slow down slow motion. Ramp up, slow down slow motion. This was the beginning of that. And it was cool in this movie, but then every single movie had to put it.
in there and and he particular like in batman and all he brings it to everything so much where it's like okay we get it it's a neat trick but like let's pump the brakes a little bit My argument with him, because I don't think Snyder fans care for this podcast, so I should be safe, but I don't care for him as a director because I think my issue with him is he cares so much about each individual shot and making each individual shot.
the coolest thing ever he forgets how it flows as a scene so the scene is completely disjointed he didn't use to Claire it starts with this though because he goes into that comic book aesthetic and then he just brings it along with him and while it may be works a bit for this film because it is going for that comic book. It doesn't work in the Batman ones. It's jarring.
He does a great job adapting comics to real life. So he does this one, then he'll go on to do Watchmen. And then Watchmen is, hands down, one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen. But it's very accurate. He's able to bring the pages to life in a way. They're almost not adaptations, though. They're almost literally just recreations. He's not adapting anything. True. He's bringing it to life because he's a music video director.
His... specialties are in the visual flair and so he brings that when you're talking about graphic novels you know coming off the hills of stuff like sin city and when these graphic novels coming to life is the big thing he's a very good person to choose to say hey here's this storyboard right because the graphic
novels a storyboard bring this to life and he does a really good job at it left to his own devices taking other material and trying to do the same kind of thing I think the further he gets away from having that storyboard built in and trying to go more original you know the worst this stuff gets to claire's point i think what he does a better job at is if the source material is highly stylized
You know, Sin City, which he was not a part of, but you're referencing that as that. This was kind of where we were for some of these. This is so influenced by it. This is the next Sin City does it and they're like, we need to get another one. And, you know, Frank Miller at 300.
very distinctive noir black and white for the most part art style ink art style so to try to bring it into the real world would be really disconcerting because everybody's so freakish looking and so kind of like dick tracy
right let's adapt the visual style for the big screen let's use this digital technology to do that they're doing the same thing here with another frank miller project yep like claire saying chasing the success of sin city it worked here because this movie made half a billion dollars It was a kind of a touch point culturally. I don't think it has any legacy whatsoever now. Decades later, which is kind of strange. I don't see anybody like bringing this up ever.
Do you think it would have a cultural legacy if he hadn't gone on to do the Batman stuff and become his own sort of thing? Yes. Yeah, because I think it would stand. Or to your point, Claire, if he had changed it up and maybe done more of what... Gone back to the more of the Dawn of the Dead, which is very, it has its own kind of stylized, it's oversaturated, kind of Michael Bay adjacent, Tony Scott adjacent, early 2000s digital.
look to it but if he had just like made more straightforward movies and hadn't double tripled quadrupled down on this aesthetic and and taken Unfortunately, the aesthetic of this film, this film and gone. What if Superman and just smeared brown? Right. What if Superman was dark and dreary and everyone was macho? Everything's so brown. And you're like, this is hideous. Right. Had he not done that and had he.
shown more range then i think yeah we'd probably honestly i think i would look back at this and go that's pretty cool for what it is right this isn't a great movie but as far as a telling a story telling this myth in a highly aesthetic sort of way in a very evocative visual style it's almost an interesting kind of like i don't call it experiment but it's like
Somewhere between experiment and pop cinema, you know? I watched it on Friday at a friend's house and he had never seen it. He'd seen bits of it. He knew the memes. He knew that this is part of it. But he actually got really into it. And he was like... like once he got over the weird like why is everything brown on gold and once he got over that he actually got like so into it because I was trying to talk to him and he was like just sat watching it with like big eyes
I think it's one of those ones as well that like, I don't know how much rewatch value it has. I think it's a great first time experience, but maybe it doesn't have the legacy because people don't go back to it.
right well it definitely feels like it's in conversation with or coming the line of like a brave art or a um and obviously you know that's a better film whatever but uh we just did a gladiator right where it's like kind of these over the top sword and sandal modern versions of it kind of what troy was trying to be but a very stylized hip I say hip, but for the time hip slick.
version of that right like but to your point though nerdy fanboy version of that and i think this doesn't come up in conversation though you know gladiator does come up troy maybe not that often but still i do hear people reference troy for certain things this movie was So.
overplayed and I think that's part of why it got the backlash plus the Snyder connection that really it's kind of forgotten to time when you talk about early comic book movies yes this does stand there and I think it does exactly what it sets out to do I think this movie is a fine adaptation
and it tells the story, like you said, in an interesting way. But yeah, as far as something that I would go back and watch if it weren't for this show, I mean, I don't ever think about this movie or want to watch it again. I think it was...
Claire, you used a great term. It was meme-ified. It was meme to death. Yeah, this is part of the thing. It just killed this thing. It did. And so I'm trying to, you know, and watching it for the show. I'm going back and I'm kind of judging it on its own terms.
and just saying okay let me forget all my baggage with zack snyder of which i have much baggage and and especially his fans and i haven't even watched the rebel moon because again same i don't have netflix no interest no interest right and so let me put that on the side let me just judge this is a very simple straightforward movie I think it actually has some like fairly decent performances. I think Lena Headey is doing some interesting stuff here. It's interesting.
Like, I almost wonder, like, did this get her Game of Thrones as the gig? I think so. I didn't know her before this. But is this what, like, got her, like, Hollywood was, like, American TV and film was, like, oh, if she could do this sort of. I think so. British, period, peace, Greek, sword and sandals shit. Yeah, it exists in the same universe kind of thing.
She did a lot between the two because she did Dollhouse, right? She was in Dollhouse, that Josh Whedon show. Yes, yes. She did a load of stuff over here as well. Was she in Terminator? Was she in a Terminator series? I think she was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was, yes. I was maybe before this, actually.
Was she Sarah Connor? Yeah, she was Sarah Connor. Terminator Chronicles or something? I can't remember. The Sarah Connor Chronicles. But she did a lot of BritBox, like British TV, right? Yeah, I mean, she's been around. But I do think that this, if you look at her at this and then Game of Thrones, I think that's kind of a natural transition to like, oh, who's a good actor? Who would be a good Cersei Lannister? Yeah, exactly. She's already played like sort of a queen kind of.
This is a noble queen. Cersei's one of the most despicable characters who's ever lived. Oh, man. She was good in that show, though. As bad as that show ended, you did love to hate Cersei. She's good, yeah. She's an amazing actress. she's amazing in dread oh that is so good where's the sequel and the other thing too is when you look at her uh and this isn't a comment on like plastic surgery or whatever it's just genuinely like there's so many different roles she's played
I always have to think and be like, wait a minute, is that her? She does kind of disappear into roles. I think the short hair with Cersei and then this one. I was like, wait a minute, is that... oh my god like the voice hit me before like i just didn't recognize her and obviously this is many years ago but yeah um i was kind of surprised at how engaged i was in this once i got over the hurdle of All of my not wanting to.
engage with it i think it's a fun watch it's a fun history lesson which of course is not like super accurate it's based on a graphic novel but i it's a fun watch like i said it sets out to do what it wants to do it looks good um yeah i i did I had a fine time watching it. Yeah. Again, it's not something that I've never felt compelled since 2007 to go back. I will probably not go back.
maybe ever again yeah i own it and i can't remember the last time i bet you i tested a home stereo system when he kicks him into the pit to hear the bass or something yeah but that's about it do you have it on 4k or just blu-ray just the blu-ray so i i mean i liked snyder pre-bet
Pre-BVS, I liked Snyder. I think The Owls of Gahool is one of his best movies, which is really underrated. It's based on a children's novel. It's called Legend of the Guardians, The Owls of Gahool. It's based off one of those scholastic books you could buy at the book. fair and it's a beautiful it's all cg about owls and tells a really good story it's phenomenal this clear
No. Oh, see, so a lot of people don't understand that Zack Snyder directed a CG animated kids movie based on a children's book, but it's dark and it does have some serious... plot lines but but it is based on this kid's book it is so good his visual style lends itself to the story it's a great story like i highly recommend it to everyone but yes pre-bvs i mean i bought all his stuff i liked all his movies
And then the fandom, kind of like we touched on earlier, really soured him for me to where I don't want anything to do with the guy because it's just like he brings so much crazy. to everything that he does now where it's like let's just judge a movie based on what it is not this like worshiping him like a god and that turns me off to like touch any of his art now have you seen the movie society
Kevin? I have not seen it, no. Claire and I would recommend that to you. I recommend it to everyone. By the substance director? No, but it is a really good complement to it. I would say The Substance is more than a little inspired by Society. It's a Brian Usna film. I've heard those comparisons with Society and The Substance, so I wasn't sure. Have you seen The Substance yet?
yeah substance was amazing so the third act of the substance takes a lot from society okay so joe joe mentioned it and he said like Just if you ever see it, you'll know what the connection is. Okay, got it. Especially Screaming Mad George did the practical effects. He just mentioned that on the podcast. So there's a lot of Screaming Mad George in the substance.
Okay, I give this one an 8 out of 10, which surprises me. Solid. It's my number two for the week. Claire, let's go to you. You're laughing. Oh, no. Okay, so I did not enjoy this film at all. I gave it 4.1. Not my lowest of the week, though. I just...
I find Snyder a deeply cold, emotionless director. Nothing connected me to anything in this film. I didn't care for what was happening. And I also just don't like... fighting war movies like there's only so much men men this is a very alpha what about their oil rippled bodies
Well, there were many comments between me and my friend that I was watching it with and we were like, they're definitely fucking, right? And then there was one bit in battle where the men were making eyes of each other and he was like, they don't have time to fuck in war. Like, what are they doing?
They did, didn't they back then? Weren't they all kind of just whatever? Oh, 100%. They were all that. And you could see it. Fassbender definitely had eyes for most of those men. Definitely for Leonidas, yeah. 4.1 for me.
gotcha okay yeah uh this one i was not far by jason this was a 7.5 for me i thought it was is this our the moment of do all men think of the roman is this our roman empire i was just about to say the same thing yeah the spartans the 300 they were men on a mission god damn it the guy I was with we were talking about boob jobs and they started fighting on the screen and he actively stopped talking about boob jobs to watch the men fight and I was like wow okay you say boob jobs you mean
breast enhancement or something else no breast enhancement Claire you have to forgive us that we're wired in a certain way where we see like like buff dudes kicking ass we just have to be like yeah in sandals wearing God damn it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was a very disappointing date watch. So not only have I ruined aspects of your own life, I've now ruined your love life as well. It's already ruined. You don't have to take the blame on that one. So they got to subscribe to binge movies.
Okay. So this, this is my number four movie of the week. It's my number two. It's my number four. Let's move to National Treasure 2 Book of Secrets, which came out in 2006 as a 36% on Rotten Tomatoes. They're all clues. The White House, Mount Rushmore, Statue of Liberty. The only question is... Which Statue of Liberty? Exactly. Just to be clear, is there more than one? Tomorrow, follow the clues. Hang on! It will probably lead us to the greatest treasure.
of all time. And be the first to discover where it all leads. What do you see? It's a little gold man. National Treasure. Book of Secrets. Rated PG. Starts tomorrow. National Treasure 2. Book of Shadows. Book of Secrets. Book of... Shit. Book of... So much hate! Why is there so much hate already? Book of Boba Fett. Directed by John Turtletob.
Screenplay by Cormac Wiberly and Marianne Wiberly. That feels like a name from your part of the world, Claire. It does. I don't know if it is, but it does. Doesn't it? Yeah, we don't have Wiberlys over here. It seems like a... whimsical British nanny who would come over and take you on adventures. Oh, it's the Wibbleys. The Wibbleys would live in the biggest house down the lane and Mr. Wibbley would definitely be fucking his secretary.
Really? Sounds like someone in a Harry Potter movie And they'd be a dickhead Oh, I see Mr. Wibberley with a big, brustly, walrusy mustache, and he makes inventions in his basement, and he takes you back to Bible stories. No, he has a big, wibbly mustache, and then the minute the door's closed, he's smacking the female workers on the eye. just being horrifically inappropriate. Oh, Claire!
Do you need rescue? Do we have to get you out of there and the Wiberly's messing with you? I don't engage with people with that much money, so I'm safe. Point of information, Leonard Wiberly, his father, is from Ireland. Point of information. Claire's mother hates Marcel the Shell with shoes on. Oh, no. But they're also both Irish, which I was going with. Oh, yeah, that was the point. But a story by Greg. Oh, my God. Poirier. Now, is that Greg or Greg?
Greg. Greg, Craig. They're different spellings. Yeah, but I'm going to say Greg now is my Greg's pronunciation. Yeah. Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, that pair was making movies since... the 80s they're most famous of course for the pirates movies but they worked on some oddity in the 80s that i was like oh shit that was them we covered but i forget now uh it's basically characters by i don't care anymore charles segers or an aviv jim koof
It's a triumph return by Nicolas Cage, Peggy Sue Got Married. Have you ever seen Peggy Sue Got Married, Kevin? No, I haven't. Have you, Claire? No. It's Francis Ford Coppola. It's the one where Nicolas Cage... He talks like this all the time. He's like, oh, Pecky Sue. This is a direct line in the movie. Uncle Francis has quite the movie. Touch my wiener? It's very strange.
Nicolas Cage was strange delivery? Is that what you just said? Very strange. Very strange. Wow. Kathleen Turner disparaged him in the press about how odd he behaved in the set, and he sued her and won. She also claimed that he stole a dog. That does sound like something he would do in fairness. But they investigated and it turned out he didn't steal a dog. And when he won the lawsuit, all the money from the lawsuit went to animal shelters.
oh that's nice yeah so she just was like talking shit talking mad shit he's a weird guy but he's a good guy Speaking of weird guy, but not a good guy, Jon Voight. Last seen in Lara Croft. Well done. You might know him from Cop Dog or Dark Maga. Yeah. Last in our Tarantino episode, Ed Harris, last in the rock, Helen Mirren, last seen full frontal and Excalibur. And I didn't know her highness was.
what she was in a different era. I was like, where have I been? Kevin, did you know that there was Adam, there was a point where Helen Mirren was probably the most beautiful woman on. Yes, I do, because I watched something older with her in it, and I was just like, oh my gosh. I always thought she was a handsome, attractive, older woman. You could tell she was an older woman. No, she was drop-dead gorgeous. But like, God. Absolutely, yeah. Damn.
yeah what i was i'm trying to think of what the movie it was but was it a scorsese movie was she in a what oh i'm trying to look i'll look it up keep going but there was something that was older that i saw and i was just like wow And Diane Kruger, who they really tried to make a thing and it just didn't work out. She was in Bastards too, right? Oh yeah, of course. Does every movie have a bastard in it? A bastard?
Are we saying that right, Claire? Bastard. Lasting in Troy. Her and the guy who, I don't forget his name, but he's the dude, the bachelor from The Hangover. His name is Justin Bartha and put some goddamn respect on it. That guy went fucking nowhere. And that is your nation's greatest tragedy.
They tried. Is this guy the guy from The Hangover? He's the guy from The Hangover that goes missing. Because I'm like, who is this guy? I know him, but okay. He's Justin Barfer. He is in an amazing rom-com called The Rebound with Catherine Stater.
Jones no one likes it but me but it is hands down one of the best films I've ever seen he dated an Olsen twin for years back when the Olsen twins were like a thing like he should have had it all I should have been able to watch him in everything and the
world let me down how did he fumble the bag so bad he just wasn't getting caught i think adam brody fucked him over i think adam brody came in and just brody type yeah yeah yeah it just market corrected isn't that crazy when that happens when you have like a Sam Worthington and Ajay Courtney and you're just like fighting for the exact same roles or Tom Hanks and Michael Keaton yeah I think they're both fine
hanks went one way i mean keaton keaton didn't really give a shit but but it was like he like there's a lot of hank shit that probably should have went to keaton yeah and vice versa but yeah there's always i would say especially if you are um uh well i'll move forward because we'll get tangented onto that conversation but yes yeah that guy seemingly was going to he got a series of roles like all those guys did for that movie of like okay even ed helms is gonna be the lead in a movie
And most of those people's careers, they tanked, you know, and then they just disappeared. And he was the quickest. He's got office money. He's got office money. So it doesn't matter. This dude is just this dude. I don't know. Bartha or whatever. He quickly tanked. Hopefully.
He was National Treasure before The Hangover. I knew him being The Hangover as the guy from National Treasure. And then, yeah, he did a few other bits. He tried to do some stage work. He had a short-lived Ryan Murphy TV show, which was really cute. He even tried TV. but yeah just he's still around and he still does some stuff but yeah are you are you his agent are you trying to get him work no i'd like to marry him if he's justin if you're listening
Okay. This one was released December 21st, 2007 on a budget of $130 million. Oh. This is a Bruckheimer production, I guess. They don't go cheap on anything. No, it made $400, except for Nicolas Cage's wig. It made $459.2 million. I refer to this. My one sentence plot synopsis is Disney's Jim Crow Da Vinci code. I have my title of this movie is Indiana Gates and the Library Card of Destiny. Yeah. Mine was a sequel we didn't need, but I got to watch more Justin Barthor, so I was happy.
I have not seen the original, maybe in its entirety, not on cable ever. Oh, I went to the cinema to see the original. I have no pre-existing love or like... for the original or anything see I bang in the age bracket like the original came out when I was about 14 and like yeah it was
So this is the first time I've ever seen this movie. I mean, I've seen bits and pieces of the first one, probably on TNT or something. I feel like it's one of those type of movies. Constantly on cable. And this movie I had never seen before. So thank you for that, Jason. I haven't seen it before either. You guys make it seem as if I'm not watching this movie. I have seen it so many times. You're like, you made me watch this as if I'm not watching it with you.
I'm watching all of the same shit you are roughly at the same time. I see Claire's letterbox. She's five hours ahead. I'm about five hours behind her in all these fucking movies except for one of them. She finished today, and I heard about it on next. Yeah, but maybe you like it, though. That's the difference. I really liked this one. I was so happy that I got an excuse to watch this again. I'm only mad I didn't have time to watch the first one as well. Da Vinci Code.
transformers this movie they all have a similar kind of feel look vibe which is there's some secret ancestral thing that we've got to find and the government's going to work with us and against us and who can we trust and this guy's going to turn on that guy and da da da da da and but it's it's like there's kind of risque humor sometimes but then they kind of boil it it's like kind of for kids there's a lot of action and all the action set pieces go on for far too long and
this is of that era of filmmaking where at this point i am graduating from university and i do not care about this kind of stuff it is beyond me i'm still uh i'm trying to find a job during the great recession i'm like what is what is going to happen with my life and i don't have time to watch these stupid movies and then fast forward 20 years later and what has happened with my life
is that i'm making time and spending money to watch all the movies that i should just watch then and then if i'd watch them then i would have known better than to start a podcast or i would have started a podcaster years earlier and had some kind of success with it instead of floundering in the high one fifties of podcast, uh, uh, uh, billboard charts all around the world as I am now and just floating around in mediocrity, just like this sequel.
Why were there so many early 2000s conspiracy thrillers? And is that why we're a society laden with conspiracies now? Claire. Why did your queen want to destroy America? How long has the royal family supported the Confederacy? My question was... Do all Americans really care this much about your nation's history? Because I could not give a fucking shit what the Queen has done.
Couldn't care fucking less. Do you guys genuinely care this much about your nation's history? Is that because you're Irish though? I'd say there's about a 30% there that like my parents were not nationalists or royalists because they're not from this country. Right, right. That's salt and pepper is your, yeah, you lived in an occupied country.
I also think it's because we have, like, thousands of years of history, so, like, we can't fucking care that much. There's too much. That's interesting. They kind of instilled in us early in school when we're supposed to, like, all, you know, be in... into the history of it. So I do think that there is some of that curiosity. And I do think it's fun. I do think books like The Da Vinci Code and This Natural Treasure, it's fun to watch. This movie was okay. It was not like...
the worst thing ever it wasn't the best thing ever it was kind of generic i do remember the first one being better from what i've seen of it but um i don't know it's it's a it's an okay ride but it's not one that i would seek out again kind of like 300 this goes back to my theory and claire's going to disagree with me because
she's slightly younger and this has to do with age and i'm not saying she's wrong if i were her age i'd probably agree with claire and we should all probably agree with claire on most things but I feel like I am now seven years into this decade, the 2000s. I covered all of the top grossing movies of the 1990s. Now I've covered all the top grossing movies worldwide of the 2000s.
Okay. So we've expanded the box office beyond America, Canada, and England. And now it's true worldwide box office is why you see these totals go from like a hundred million dollars to 500 million, 800, 700 million. And I just feel like, I don't know if it's because now we're trying to reach the entire planet with movies as many territories. This is obviously also when China starts to become a huge market for Hollywood, where we were not, you know, our films were not allowed there before.
And that has since died off because they've developed their own film industry. But I find most of these movies from this entire decade to be utterly forgettable. just have just even the ones that aren't bad because I got them with you Kevin I wouldn't say this is a bad movie I wasn't watching going oh god this is this is abysmal But I didn't care at any point about anything that was happening. And there were moments where I'm like.
I do wish it was like 20 minutes shorter. But there were moments where I'm like, why am I not having any fun with this? Why is this not fun? I will tell you why. And Claire, you can give me your rebuttal after this. But I think the reason you don't have as much fun, I like these. I like these movies and books in theory. I think they can be fun if handled right. But the problem is that you're not able to solve any of the puzzles with them. All they do is go, oh, this is a...
Corloglian lock and then oh you can put the dust drawers in this position oh now we found the note oh that is like when Diomedes went and did the sail to the ocean and then went here oh and then they went to it's like okay You can only watch someone spouting off nonsense so long where they're like, oh, it's fun to be able to solve it with them. And there's no solving of these puzzles. They're so complex.
So that is perfect because a note I've literally written is I hate mysteries and puzzles. So this whole thing is gentle enough to amuse me because I can't. i i don't like puzzle films because i don't i don't like to follow along so this is the perfect level of like i can just be like there you go so it depends on what you want right so if you want to solve like i want to solve the puzzle and i want to guess throughout the movie what's going to happen you you would
to at least feel like you have a chance of figuring yes we talked about that in our show a lot too with movies and that that's exactly what it is jason i think because you're you're wanting to play along at least a little bit or be like oh yeah i see how he got that but they're literally they just go from scene to scene
scene saying, oh, well, this is like when the blah, blah, blah. It's like deus ex machina, deus ex machina, deus ex machina. Yeah, if you can make up anything to get out of any situation or solve any puzzle, I could write a script right now and be like... the characters just go, oh yeah, because of blah, blah, blah history book. And then, oh yeah, blah. It's like, that's not as fun to me as the audience going like, oh, go.
put the sun or the sun is in this position, put the stone right here. And now the shadow cast this way, like you're trying to solve it. You bring it up, but you know, the movie is the movies that I think do a interesting job of at least doing what you're suggesting, Kevin.
which is a good mix of both of this, both of what we see in the Book of Secrets, National Treasure 2, and what you're describing. Are the... earlier indiana jones movies where he's saying stuff that you don't maybe know all of it but then they visually show you how he comes to those conclusions back on the thing and it weighs the same amount i get correct correct correct i need to own up that the
I've seen one Indiana Jones film and that was the one that came out last year because I had to watch it for Razzie's coverage and also that is probably why I have love for these films because I find these really fun and wholesome and cute like I don't know i'm aware that they're not good films but all of my friend groups like we remember going to see the first one at the cinema it's the kind of thing that if you're like hung over on a sunday or you've had like people have you just
chuck it on and you're like oh remember this is stupid but it's fun yeah there's nothing wrong with that at all but i i don't have the love and respect for the indiana jones franchise so i don't realize i'm aware that this is probably indie light but i don't realize that because it's not there Those are fun movies. You should watch the trilogy for a binge movie sometime or something. I quite enjoyed it.
the new one. I know everyone else hated it. I was like, this is fun. It's because you've never seen the good ones. Claire, I've seen the good ones. I didn't hate the new one either. It had problems, but I didn't hate it. It wasn't as good as it could have been, but it's way better than Crystal Skull. Way better. I'll fight you on that one.
to your point about like the films of 2000s that I would disagree with you I actually don't like I have a lot of love for like a handful like I think 2004 was an amazing year for cinema and and I think that there are a lot of like great you know awards winning films across
the 2000s but I think like between 2005 and 2010 you're in horrific sequel territory where companies have realized they can make money off of ip it's the beginning of ip then you also hit the wait we can do what with cgi so then also like i think harry potter has a lot to blame for this
state of which the late 2000s come because everyone is desperate to somehow copy that phenomenon so you get them trying with the pirates you get them trying with transformers god pirates is so good though pirates what They are... So stupid. So boring. That first movie is the perfect action movie. No, I went back. That first movie is perfect. No, buddy. I went back and re-watched them for this show. Here's the thing. I liked the first Pirates when it came out.
The first one did not like the sequels at the time I've sat in the theater. The first three are the only ones that exist in my, I sat in the theater during the second one. Originally it was like, this is awful. What the hell happened? and i really liked i went in like oh yeah i'm ready for more right because i really i was surprised how good in my mind the first one was and i went back for this show and we covered the first one i was like this isn't bad
This is boring, though. I don't care about any of this. This movie is inert. I got none of the excitement, none of the joy, nothing. And then the second one... I think you got Joker'd. is abysmal. The third one is abysmal. You got Joker. The sequels are so bad that the first one now you're like, I don't like these movies anymore. The first Joker was always bad. Is Bill Nighy...
awesome as Davy Jones and the CGI. No, what a waste of Bill Nye. What a waste of Bill Nye's amazing expressions and talent. Why would you take that and smother it in nonsense? It's pretty amazing. CG. All cylinders. That holds up more than what stuff today does. That's not enough to make a movie.
And the rest of the movie. I'll die in the hill. The first one I think is an action masterpiece. I think that that is a perfect action movie. You're not going to convince me otherwise. No way. I'm sorry. All right.
It's just the score from Black Rain that you think is good. Is it better than this movie? Is it better than this movie? Yes. I would say that this movie... is on par if not maybe slightly better than some like the third Pirates of the Caribbean and certainly the fourth or fifth or wherever we're at now
I think pirates are more fun than this crew. To me, that's what I think gets me is the characters. I just don't care as much about these characters. It's hard for me to root for them as they're going from place to place. I just find myself kind of disinterested. It's okay. It's entertaining for a while.
watch like it's my first and only watch of this i'm sure and it's like okay i watched it it's fine i saw another adventure but i didn't find myself like really caring about them and their relationship and everything so it just it is you know They really, really try and force the Cage and Kruger relationship. It's better in the first one. In the first one, it feels almost like, okay, there's maybe a spark. This one, it's terrible. This is horrible.
to bring her back I just don't know why they had to have them be split up and then get back together like it doesn't work they don't that's pure sequel itis bullshit yeah yeah where the whole team is falling in power and they Get the team back together for one last ride. Yeah, that sucks. That sucks. And everybody's...
Everybody should be rich and famous and happy for the events of the first movie. We've got to neuter all of that because then there's no drama for the sequel. So they've all lost their money and they're all on the outs with each other and they got to put them back together. And by the end, there'll be a happy family again. It's like, oh, fuck off.
Taxes on $4 million is not $5 million. Look, he's beautiful. He doesn't have to be smart. He's beautiful. That's just dumb. Were you moved? Go ahead, Claire. Sorry, go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I think with the character thing, like... the kruger character is completely like devoted of anything and then i think the re i obviously love justin bartha so i'm there for the nerdy little guy tall skinny white guy with glasses who knows technology like that is my catnip so i was always there
in a very small little role. He's probably too swarthy for her. Yeah. I don't know. It gives me the ick. I don't know what it is. That's what he was. What was he in? He was in Dawn of the Dead. That was his thing for a while. Yeah, he was. Before Modern Family, he was the dick.
in those movies yeah but the Nicolas Cage thing for me I'm very invested in Nicolas Cage's character in these films personally to me it's one of his greatest roles but also it's because it's one of his first roles I saw like I remember seeing face off on the tv but i was too young to engage with it by the time that like this the first one came around again i was probably like what was it 2004 2005 so it's like 13 14 it's my my beginner's level to nicholas cage so
to me this is one yeah it's my Nicolas Cage Roman Empire this is one of his finest girls but if you already have that relationship with him then it is a shit character because now that I've seen so much more of his work, I'm aware. But this is so precious to me because it's my level of who is Nicolas Cage. It's your first SNL cast. It's your first James Bond. Pierce Brosnan's by James Bond. Kevin is in love with one particular role of our boy here, Nicolas Cage.
And it's Jiu-Jitsu, the movie Jiu-Jitsu. Have you ever seen that? Kevin loves it. No, no. Go ahead and check that out. He loves it. No, I like him in Pig. I thought that was a really nuanced role. Pig is incredible. He's incredible in Pig. I think he's great in the one with Pedro Pascal. I thought that was hilarious. Aren't we just being film snobs, though? He's great in Moondance. In Moondunks.
He's great in Matchstick Men. He's really good, which is like a spiritual remake of what it's called, Paper Moon. Matchstick Men's really good. I mean, obviously, going back, Raising Arizona, he has so many different... roles, which are so iconic. Cage is great. It could happen to you. It could happen to you. Oh, yeah. Win the lottery. I watched that in VHS. That was a good one.
Yeah, Leaving Las Vegas, right? He's been around forever. I'm really the cage renaissance, though. I love because I think he deserves it. He's a good actor. I think that people... you know just called him weird and his methods were obviously unique and so I don't think that he got as much appreciation back then as he should have and now he's getting a chance to showcase his acting talent I liked him in that weird one where he was a teacher too that was last year whatever that
one was that uh remember when everyone starts dream the dream one uh i really like it yeah i like him in pretty much everything he does i did not care for him in a lot of legs Oh, I love Long Legs. His performance is out there. I will give you that. I love that movie, though, and he's very creepy and he's all in. I didn't think the movie was as good as I wanted it to be. The movie was 30 minutes.
And it's good in that movie. It was so generic and so... Very generic. Very flat. A lot of style or substance. And just so like overly heavily influenced. Like I feel like I've already seen that film like seven times. I've already seen Sons of Lambs. I've already seen this. I've already seen that. Yeah. But I do think I for a solid three weeks was going around. doing that little song that he does in public. I was at a gas station and I was getting some liquid death.
It just does not sponsor this podcast. And because I was going to go mow some grass and there was a attractive young lady there and she was seemingly giving me some eyes, but I was not picking up on it at all. And I was just out loud, unknowingly, unconsciously, because I was just sort of on autopilot doing that.
Not words, not words. This is why you're single. It's nothing to do with your online dating. It's this. You're not supposed to watch Long Legs and go, let me recreate the hardware store scene. That's not what you're supposed to do.
No, this is the scene where he meets her out and the street is like a little girl. You're saying you went to a gas station where you go to the hardware store and then she's like, Dad, this guy's acting really creepy. You're not supposed to do that. No, no. But it was like...
It was an earworm. It was like a song you hear on the radio. He's so weird. He is weird in a great way in that movie. I like him. I missed him being weird and I did enjoy it. But this one I did not enjoy. This one for me is a... Six out of ten. It's my number five for the week. Claire? It's a seven out of ten for me, but it's my number three of the week.
It's a six out of ten for me. It's my number four for the week. Oh, no. You have one left. Okay. Okay. Oh, there's one way worse than this one. I hope it's the one that I agree with. Okay. All right. And if it's not, I'm going to be so mad. So Claire, seven, and that's your three. Yeah. This is your worst? Absolutely. Wow. Okay. Well.
I don't know. We're going to have to agree with number one. We'll have to figure that out because it can only be one number one. There'll only be two number ones on this show. It's time for 2007's The Simpsons movie, which is why Kevin is here. 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. The most anticipated motion picture of all time is almost here. Next. Four times longer. 50 times bigger. And 1,000 times homer-rier.
Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does. The Simpsons Movie, rated PG-13. Simpsons Movie was directed by David Silverman, screenplayed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Al Jean. Ian McIntyre Graham, George Meyer, David Merkin, which is a great last name. Mike Reese, Mike Scully, Matt Selman, John Swartzenwelder, John Vitti.
It's based on The Simpsons by Matt Groening. It's the triumph return of most of these people because they starred in that god-awful Godzilla from 1998. This film was released July 27, 2007 on a budget of $75 million. It made $536.4 million. Homer ecologically doomed Springfield with a silo of pig crap and his own stupidity. Pig trouble in Little Springfield. There you go.
The longest Simpsons episode ever makes for the perfect hangover movie. Lots of recycled jokes in this one. There's so many jokes that I've seen from the series. And I have not watched the series in 20 years, which is almost as old as this movie. So I'm familiar with everything. Basically, I think I stopped watching The Simpsons 2001.
but for a while it's I cannot deny how formative it was for my sense of humor and what I found funny and how many how especially during the Conan O'Brien Conan O'Brien yeah The golden era of The Simpsons, it really is that good. When it moved from being kind of heartfelt, which those seasons are good, to more of the... My greatest Simpsons is five through eight. Really? Yeah.
What's the monorail? Monorail season four. Oh, well, yeah. What's the Twilight Zone, Treehouse of Terror, where Homer becomes 3D?
Oh yeah, that was great. Do you know what it probably is for me though? I can't watch a lot. I now can watch them, but we didn't have cable growing up. We only had like the network TV. So those early episodes were like... played every week so i've seen season two three and four probably more than my whereas i i still enjoy going back to like five right because they were a bit newer yeah what about um fuck uh what's the one where it's
Basically, any time before Phil Hartman died, so before 98. Oh, I miss Phil Hartman so much. But when they did The Simpsons, was it the 100th episode, Spectacular? Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, where they... I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me.
me from who wants candy and Troy McClure were two of the best characters and obviously it's so tragic and sad what happened to him and I miss him he was so funny in everything that he did yeah that is what i that's like prime era develop my sense of humor there's so many references there to
classic film and politics and art and culture it's such a same here that's that that's why i was so excited about this movie because as a kid of the 80s growing up with the simpsons and all throughout the 90 we were waiting and waiting like why hasn't there been a simpson
movie and when this finally happened so exciting for this to happen and the other thing was too it was in widescreen and high definition at this time i believe it was still four by three and in standard definition correct and when the movie came out it was like
finally, this is what The Simpsons looked like in HD. It was such a big leap for them. And then shortly after, they made the episodes match the look of the movie. And so it was a really exciting time for the series. To me, I'll be honest with you, that kind of takes a little luster off this movie, though, because... this is now what the Simpsons have looked like longer than when they looked like when they were hand-drawn 2D.
Yeah, but you also have, I mean, that's just nostalgia of you grew up in those prime years and you love those episodes. I'm just saying it doesn't feel as special. There's a visual distinction between the show and the movie that no longer exists because the show has been...
has looked like this longer than it looked like what it used to look like. Right, but I think the show's better for it. I'm not saying content-wise, but look-wise. I remember, because I had a widescreen TV, like when I worked at Circuit City, that was... in 2004 or 2005 so i had bought a rear projection tv widescreen weird projection holy crap yeah very very huge heavy
heavy panasonic bass yeah uh but anyway it was a widescreen tv and so i was one of the only people of my friends that had this widescreen tv and loved watching all the widescreen stuff and so was it mostly michael mcdonald his concert film Y'all gonna be there? We watched a lot of concert films like that. Hey, Y'all gonna be there. Come on, guys. Listen to the sound system.
ben folds and uh uh what's the dave matthews you know at that time and all that stuff uh but anyway uh what's his face the guitar guy uh no not he that's way too late uh who's the guy eric clapton live in tour uh but anyway he said rest in peace he's not dead he's just racist Oh, is that right? Yeah, Clapton's horrific. There you go. Yeah. So maybe I just thought he wasn't around. So anyway. He's dead to us. Yeah. So.
This was really special for me, and I love the hell out of this movie. I think it's so entertaining, and getting to see The Simpsons. Now, like you said, you're used to more of the HD stuff, but I think this movie has a brisk pacing. I think it's fun. It's funny. and uh yeah i could watch this movie anytime and enjoy it claire
Yeah, like I'm a big fan of this movie. I literally mean it when I say it's the perfect hangover film. Like this came out the summer that I went to university. The minute it came out on DVD, I bought it. And I cannot tell you how many Sundays I have spent in a bed. dying watching this movie because it's it's just it's the soothingness of the simpsons but it's long enough that you're not jarred it's comforting jokes but it's still funny the animation's nice like i think its biggest flaw is
what you said up top, that it does rehash storylines and jokes you've already seen. Like, I still watch The Simpsons now. I still regularly watch them weekly. Well, we're late over here, but when they go on Disney+, I watch them. And I've seen...
the Flanders takes part under his wing storyline, probably in 20 different versions at this point over the 38 seasons. But it's always enjoyable because the characters are so great. And I think it does a nice job of keeping... at the core of the family but we still get our little nods to all of the like townsfolk i think it it really balances making its point making it worthwhile of being a movie while still feeling like an episode Kevin, has anyone ever told you you kind of look like Flanders?
I look like I don't have like a big bushy mustache. If you could grow a mustache out for Halloween, you could be a convincing Flanders. Oakley doakley. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mean it. I like you can tear that off. I mean, he's a pretty good dude. He's the only good person.
Springfield. True. And he gets a lot of ladies, so he must be packing. Well, he's ripped. Have you seen what he looks? The buns, the skiing episode? Wearing nothing at all. Oh my gosh. Anytime he takes his shirt off, he's got like an eight pack. It's hilarious. It's great juxtaposition. That's the visual.
story or visual humor that we love from the simpsons unexpected stuff like that especially in those early seasons but yeah this this one's just so fun we spoke of memes earlier and how memification could destroy a movie I mind saying this has been meme-ified to death because I don't feel like this movie has. I will say that my experience of watching this was as if I were in a meme. because i was homelander sat in a theater staring at a screen just absolutely i didn't crack a single smile
Oh. I did not laugh a single moment. They're called Dead Heart. Even when it does the bark penis bit, that didn't even get a huh from you or anything. That was so, like... At the time, that felt... The shock that they would do that. And then you'd be like, oh, look, they're covering it up. They're covering it up. And then they only uncover the part. That's so funny. Yeah. Well, no. Wow. I did not enjoy.
any of this no this time or the first time or both times first time i don't remember i've seen it one time before and i remember thinking okay that was fine i didn't dislike it i This time, I can't say that I disliked it. I will just say I did not enjoy it. I did not find this to be a worthwhile experience. I didn't feel like it needed to be 90 minutes long.
You don't want it to feel like a glorified episode. No, I didn't want it to be a movie. This movie has no reason to exist. There's no purpose for it. They didn't come up with a compelling enough... story reason for it to be this the dome thing takes way too fucking long to get into but you gotta convoluted nature of grandpa simpson having a pentecostal experience it's not funny jason you have to remember though this is 2000
2007 we did not have social media we did not have a phone in our hands playing anything that we wanted the chance to see the simpsons on the big screen was a phenomenal experience that we just could not believe was happening there's not a single joke in this movie that is as funny as anything the first 10 years of the Simpsons I don't know this to me is a very mediocre adaptation of the show to a film. And it's not bad. The voice cast is good. I like the voice cast.
It just didn't work at all. It makes me sad, Jason. It makes me sad. It makes me really sad, too. You literally just took all the air out of the room. like i just i get i love the simpsons i completely get not thinking it's the greatest movie ever i don't think it's the greatest movie ever but like it's the simpsons like what's not to enjoy
And it still feels more like classic Simpsons. What's not to enjoy is this movie. It feels to me like classic Simpsons still firing on all cylinders compared to, I'm not saying I don't like any of the newer stuff, but, you know, a lot of the newer stuff. Oh, there's a dark period in the middle there, yeah.
The 2010s are weird because it's just fighting against Family Guy and it isn't what it was meant to be. So this one to me feels like it's still The Simpsons. It still has the heart of The Simpsons. I think part of it is I was already so far off the train by 2007. I'd already stopped watching it for six years. So I've already, like, I've had my fill. I have no other way of putting it. It's just.
I don't want any more Simpsons. I think this brought me back to the Simpsons. I think I probably stopped watching and it wasn't that I stopped like that. I stopped caring. It was just, I didn't have the interest anymore. It was no longer prime Sunday night viewing. Whereas this reignited a little bit.
in me that then when i went off to uni like i would look out for the box sets in on second hand dvd shots to be like yeah i miss the simpsons i want to like it reignited that passion yeah i stopped watching too this so i was in college when this came out and i had stopped watching this
simpsons in college and recently let's say in the past five or seven years or something like that i realized there was this gap when i was in college that i didn't watch the simpsons and so i'm like new episodes i couldn't believe like i just loved it so much as a kid i bought every box set from suncoast video
Do you have a Bart doll? I probably had different Bart stuff. I didn't have like... I had a doll. We had a doll. I have a load of Simpsons figurines in my living room if anyone would like to buy them on eBay. And some of them are the original 1991 ones. Please look at my eBay in a week or two. Did you have Kevin, did you have the Burger King Simpsons glasses?
i had the watches from burger king there you go yeah so i mean i was a huge simpsons fan i still love the simpsons i don't watch as much i want to watch the new one where apparently it's like a bunch of different finales that uh like endings that could happen with the simpsons from this past week but
um yeah i still love it and please let it end i i uh yeah i think this one did bring you back like claire said that's a good point i had stopped for a while this got me interested again i pretty much watched it from here on out until you know lately just being busy haven't caught all of them but i still watch them when i can yeah wow well it's the worst of the week this is the worst
Can I just, before you really make a sad and tell us your rating, as you weren't involved in it, Kevin, do you understand though? Because I can't understand it now, looking back. Why the fuck were we all so obsessed with Spider-Pig? That was my phone ringtone at one point. Spider-Pig. I paid money to have that as my ringtone. Why were we...
It's so Spider-Man was super popular because the Raimi movies and the Homer thing was so stupid because he's got a pig walking on the ceiling. I just think it's that perfect combination of stupid pop culture, something super relevant. And you're right. It's still.
The hold it had on society For those six months The trailer was spider pig You're really not going to like what I got to say Oh god I was stone faced Watching it like this and when spider pig and that whole bit and the entire i forgot that the pig shit was even a thing in this movie all the pig stuff every time the pig came up i scowled i was
Oh, no, you went down? I went down. I thought you maybe went up for a second. I couldn't fucking stand it. I couldn't fucking stand it. You're like, make bacon out of that thing. And, yeah, I just could not. I remember, Claire, you're 100% right. That was like a whole. Mm-hmm. Like a meme before a meme, you know? It had a hold on people. Jason was singing it trying to pick up ladies in the gas station. I wasn't actively even aware she was standing there until I replayed it in my mind.
mine and went that woman was was kind of going hey and then i was like hello and then i just turned and started singing the creepy If you just sung Spider Pig, you would have got her number. Spider Pig would have got you a number. Yeah, that's right. Oh my God. What is your rating on this? I'm scared to ask. Five out of ten. Five, okay. Yeah, very...
Uh, I can't say it's bad because for like an animated movie to be bad, like the animation has to be pretty, it has to be bad. Right. So like the fundamental art form. is well done. I've seen Wish, so... I'm like the big Disney queen, and I've still not done it. I'm a Disney guy. I like old Disney. New Disney is kind of a bummer to me, but I like Disney a lot, and Wish is awful.
we're doing me and my friends meet monthly. We've put every single Disney classic in a box and every month we go to a different person's house and we pick out free and we watch free, which hasn't happened yet. So we'll look forward to it. You're telling me you don't live a charmed life. Get the fuck out. So.
So Claire, what do you put this one at? I give it a 7.7. It's my number two of the week. It's not an amazing film. There's nothing groundbreaking. It doesn't deserve to be in any Hall of Fame, but it's a damn fine watch. Yeah, I've got an 8.5. It's my number two of the week. All right, so you guys are locked in there. Well, here comes the big old disagreement. It's the next film. It is.
68% on Rotten Tomatoes. I am legend. Daddy, where are we going? Wait, 30 minutes, Colonel. Copy. 30 minutes to what? They're stealing off the island. Is it airborne? It may be. Oh my God. If there's anybody out there Please. I Am Legend was directed by Francis Lawrence, who, am I mistaken? I don't know who that is. He directed all the Hunger Games movies. Or most of them. Sorry, not the first one. I've seen most of all the Hunger Games, but I never knew who directed any of them.
I love those movies. Yeah, the first one was someone else. And then Francis Lawrence took over. He did the songbirds. Claire's having an existential crisis in real time. You can't see her face, but her eyes just went, wait, what? That's some of my favorite movies. Yeah. Oh, my God. The screenplay here is by Mark Protosevich and my fucking nemesis.
Akiva Goldsman. This fucking guy. What else has he done? Batman Forever, man. Come on. This guy has made some of the most okay and some of the most terrible fucking screenplays. What are the ones you hate? oh god he's written so many fucking movies with all right time out let's let's yeah i need to know i need to know because now i'm like not to spoil it but i fucking hated this film so i'm like how do i a time to kill
Solid. Lost in Space. The Da Vinci Code. Lost in Space. iRobot. Let's go through. Hang on. I wrote in my notes that this really made me want to watch iRobot. This guy has a thing. Yeah. Okay. So let's go through here. All right. Let's go through here. So he was, let me, let me just pull up his writing credits. He's got 37 writing credits, which again, here's what I would say. That is an achievement to be, to have 37.
developed filmed screenplays is in actual Hollywood films is, is quite the achievement, but let's go through his previous writing credits here. His first one was The Client, which is okay. Good. Yeah. Silent Fall, never seen it. Batman Forever, abysmal. Good. Okay, Batman and Robin, abysmal. Lost in Space. Good. Abysmal. No, I watched that in VHS as a kid. A Beautiful Mind. That's good. People liked it at the time. iRobot. Good. No.
I like IRL. I like all the sci-fi. See, you guys don't like the sci-fi adaptations, all the Isaac Asimov. I like sci-fi movies that are actually well-made, that look visually interesting, and that have thoughts and ideas in them. Sci-fi is not my genre and it's people making bad films like this that make me think I don't like sci-fi. And then I watch a good sci-fi film and I'm like, wait, they're good. He wrote Cinderella Man, which people liked at the time.
The Da Vinci Code. Horrendous. The movie? Da Vinci Code over, I would watch that over National Treasure. And that's why you're wrong. Yeah, hell no. Oh, Da Vinci Code, that set off a whole freaking revelation, man. Yeah, I like it. If you mean pseudo-history, sure, yeah. Angels and Demons, which is the sequel. No, I don't care about the sequels. The Divergent series Insurgent. Oh, they're bad. They're bad films. They try so hard, but they're terrible. The Fifth Wave.
Oh, so terrible. He was on the YA tour for a while. The Rings sequel? Bad. Never saw it. Transformers, The Last Knight. Okay, yeah, you got that one. The Dark Tower. You got that one. Terrible adaptation. And then he's just basically been working on the Star Trek TV shows for Paramount Plus, which most people don't like. He's got some solid hits in there. I said he had a couple of good movies, but it's mostly trash. I think he's more hits than Lawson. When his name comes up, I fucking shudder.
Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orsi, and Akiva Goldsman. What about Max Landis? Max Landis has made one and a half films. I forgot you had a connection to Max Landis. I totally forgot. Yeah, let's not bring that up. Okay.
Will Smith oh wait hang on this is based on I Am Legend by Richard Matheson which I have read The Omega Man by John William Courtingham which seems like it's from your part of the world Claire and Joyce Corrington uh will smith hitch alice braga predators this film was released december 14th 2007 on 150 million dollar budget made 585.4 million dollars Will Smith is the last man left with nothing to entertain him but his local video store. I have a alone in the dark. Claire.
Will Smith makes a movie, which leads me to believe this is why America's full of anti-vaxxers. Is it strange that we all lived through a mini version of this exact scenario? This is so weird. And wait, wait, wait. And nothing has fundamentally changed about ourselves or our world. We are no better for it. There is no catharsis.
our betterment continues to elude us and as we gain no deeper knowledge of ourselves no new knowledge can be extracted from our experience quarantine has meant nothing i got over severe depression and learned I had ADHD, so that was nice. You're the only one, Claire.
For the rest of society as a whole, nothing has changed. She's not in the US though. That's true. That's a big difference. The UK has changed. It is fundamentally in every single way worse as a result of the pandemic. So, you know, there's lots of change. We used to watch movies that had, and obviously, like, you remember those early days. Everyone watched Contagion, didn't they? Yes, yes. But you looked out in New York City.
was empty and London was empty and the streets were empty. We had loads of towns here where the sheep and every, the sheep, not sheeps, the sheep and all the animals like came in and took over the towns and everyone was like, oh! And remember there was, it was either in Chicago or New York where like whales started to like go upstream. Oh yeah. Nature was being real weird. Immediately started. Nature was healing. It was healing. Yeah.
And the air pollution, the air quality went up all the way around the world. Yeah, you're right. You think that we could learn something from. Nothing was learned. And then everyone started ordering on Amazon again and Deliveroo or whatever your version of. Spread the COVID parties. The thing about this, I remember watching at the time and really not liking this movie. I saw it in theaters.
I had read the Richard Matheson novel and I thought what a great little novel this is. Now there's a lot of like real, it's a, it's a product of its time. Was it a short novel? I can't remember. I checked to see if it was a novella. I thought it was a novella. It's classified as a novel. Okay. I checked. So I thought it was a novella as well. It's very short. It's very, very short. Yeah. Okay.
but it's classified as a novel and i read it and it's clunky because it's a product of its times there's a lot of like him at the library it's like in the novel he's just an ordinary guy who worked at like a plant he worked at like a power plant or something just wow he knows how to power his home he lives in suburbia he doesn't live in new york city he is the last man on earth they're they the creatures more or less look human which which that the real dichotomy of the book is
is that he is going crazy because during the daylight hours he's going into his neighbors homes and killing men and women and children and they look like just normal sleeping families and so he's like it's driving him insane and then at night they turn into these they don't really transform but they act like in a very feral kind of way and they harass him they they they speak they talk like you and i do and so they're they and
a lot of these people knew him so it's like people from his past are like we know you're in there Robert we're gonna get you like they're driving him insane on purpose so he like blares his records so he doesn't have to hear them he drinks himself to sleep every night um he's trying to understand the disease but he doesn't he's not a scientist or anything so he's like how would a lay person understand this they're more conventional vampires he's like well they can't actually be vampires
So why do they respond to crucifixes and garlic and all this shit? And then the book tries to give you like a reasonable psychological explanation. of why they are behaving the way that they are. That all sounds like a movie I would have had a much better time watching. Have you seen the Omega Man? Yeah. No. So this has been adapted so many times and some are closer to the book and some are. I did realize there were other versions of this.
Yeah, there's a ton, actually. So what made the book for its time a standout, because it got kind of middling reviews as a book, was it introduced the idea that vampirism was a disease. It wasn't, it was, they were, these were not like the Mary Shelley Gothic vampires. Like what if it was a bloodborne illness? I mean, Mary Shelley did Frankenstein, but chill. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Bram Stoker. Bram Stoker. Come on. Sorry.
Um, so it got, it wasn't the Gothic, uh, horror. It was like for the time, modern contemporary, like what if this happened in the real world? And so that, and then there's the giant twist, which is where the name comes from, which is that.
eventually he meets uh there's there is a dog the dog is this like terrified stray dog who he spends a big chunk of the story trying to win the trust of because he's hanging by a thread mentally and so he starts to have hope and he finally gets the dog to trust him and it's too late the dog has been in the elements too long and it dies basically in his care and that kind of sends him into further desperation and then one day a woman appears
and the woman is, he doesn't know whether he can trust her or not, and he wants to run blood tests on her to see, and she betrays him, because there has been this new development in the vampire species. where some of them are more monsters and some of them are more human. And the more human vampires are like reforming society. And there's no place for him in society anymore because he is this creature.
that comes into their bedrooms while they sleep and kills their children. And so then he realizes, oh, I am legend. I've become the monster of their society. The whole world flipped around me. well just in you know a matter of years or whatever and i went vampire's been for being legend in our worlds now i'm the legend and i have you know whatever and he
Then he kills himself. It's a very bleak ending. But it's much more interesting. Way more interesting. And they save it right for the end where you're like, because you don't know at any point why it's called I Am Legend, you know? And then you read it and you go, holy shit. Like this sort of kind of bland story as it's like, but this guy, Richard Matheson wrote a ton of twilights on episodes. So it feels very much like, Ooh, twist ending.
This is like we're going to make the action zombie movie out of that, which is very, very weird way to take this. And then I have never liked and I still do not like. The way that these creatures look in this. They are. Terrible. They're very dated. They are very dated CGI. They weren't good then, Kevin. They look like cavemen. I don't know what the idea was behind. They look like Gollum. They look like a bunch of golems. It was just...
No, you say like, oh, we didn't have that much. No, we did. We had Jurassic Park. We had Terminator 2. We had The Lost World. We had The Lord of the Rings. We had King Kong. So we had 28 days later by this point. We had 28 days later. We had so many versions of CGI monsters. by this point.
that was the big critique in 2007 is these things look like shit well i think if it i think if it was done more practically you mentioned a lot of things that had practical effects and so trying to do it cg i agree because cg unless you were ilm with pirates of the caribbean stuff
like you weren't there yet. And so I do think trying to do it all CG while cost saving did not create as memorable of a monster. That's for sure. I even just think the design wasn't right. Because you can forgive dated CG when you rewatch the Harry Potter film. oh my god the quidditch matches are a fucking joke they're elastic people but you understand all these guys look like but they don't they don't look like anything to me they look like vampires they have that vampire effect
Oh, no, they look like people that were brought up in a cave and didn't join society for decades. It's weird. It's disconcerting. If you want to see CGI vampires, look at Blade 2. Where the mouths open up and they got the... It's like, okay, you can do CGI vampires earlier than this movie. Anything can Buffy and Angel looks as good as this. And they had TV budget.
Yeah, this stinks as far as the look of the creatures. I love stories that are post-apocalyptic and last person on Earth kind of things. I'm a sucker for these types of stories. I think Will Smith is really good in this. This is when Will Smith was still a movie star. like A-list actor. I think he's a draw. I think he's very charismatic. I've always enjoyed this movie. I love the book and I love that Twilight Zone episode that he probably wrote with the guy at the library that loves to read.
i'm guessing because it's like a very similar uh do you know which one time enough at last yeah it's it's it's so good and uh and the ending of that one's bleak too so obviously he had kind of a you know there's a pattern here with some of the stuff that he's written. Um, but I love those stories about like, what would you do if you're the last person on earth? And, and you had like the movie starts off with him and that Mustang cruising around. And I think like,
Obviously, you'd get very lonely and you'd want company. I'm not saying that in the end it would be better, but think about the first few weeks when you can drive any car or try to... go to any building or do whatever and I just think of like you're speaking like an introvert you're like no no but like imagine the first few weeks of the world the world is your playground I know it would get old but I like the way that Smith plays it and how
uh lonely he is and the pain of not having any other people and his dog is his best friend and obviously has a connection to his family like i buy that relationship more than i do with any of the national treasure relationships no offense i'm just sitting like i can
with him and his family and his child more and cared about them and i like how they kind of flash a little bit of what happened without knowing you know it's obviously going to be a bad ending but i think the one thing that this movie carries over from the story that actually kind of works, but it's in the book is that Neville is all things considered kind of in relative comfort, like his creature comforts.
are met like he has food he has shelter he has security a reasonable amount of security he has a form of companionship he's got tv in essence right he's got movies he's like he's okay he has all of the material things that would last him for a while and he's obviously been he's beyond subsistence living he's he's living okay
but he's still coming undone psychologically yeah and that's one thing the book is mostly about is like you could kind of have all the trappings of suburbia but if you don't have community you're gonna you're gonna fall apart And I think this movie and Smith really present that. Like I feel how lonely and heartbroken he is like in his face. I mean, he's a really good actor. He can be really good. And I don't know for, to me, this is a really good performance. And I just, I think that.
the monsters aside, I get it. The vampires aren't the best looking thing, but a lot of this movie focuses on Smith and his loneliness. And so that's really what the plot is about. And so I really enjoy just his performance, which is really a one man show for the most part. I think those are the best parts of the movie, though, is that the first, I don't know, you know, like 30 minutes of it or so. Like, because once we actually get into.
He's also a scientist who has to solve the thing and do the this and the do the that. I don't buy that as much. Like him as sort of a lonely guy who's. can't move on from the place where his family was killed and where the world died essentially. And it's, you know, that.
That kind of makes sense in the psychological torture of that. But the responsibility to feel that you have to save the world, that you can't leave the ground zero, and he just wants to... cure people and i don't know like that weighs on him and he isn't going to just leave to go save himself he feels the responsibility to kind of restart society and i just i feel that how much it weighs on him it's believable and i think that's an interesting struggle between
like it's just saving yourself and saving the world and what were you willing to sacrifice? I don't know. Claire, what about you? I just... disagree with all of that I think it's a terrible performance and I don't think it's Will Smith's fault I think the direction and the style is awful Like you're saying in those first opening 30 minutes that he's like giving this amazing portrayal of grief and loneliness.
I'm Will Smith and I've got a shotgun and I'm driving a really fast car around New York because I'm still Will Smith and I have to always be the cool action star. Like... that's not loneliness that's not isolation like that is not a desperate man and it's it is not a real I know everyone handles loneliness and isolation differently I know that during the pandemic like I
in Venice had like a full mental breakdown week five because I literally did live alone and I didn't see or speak to people and it was awful obviously this character is three years in so he's probably got through that and he's at different stages but I feel like The desperation to still make this movie cool and make guys want to go and see it because you want to see Will Smith as an action star is that direct opposition to what the film is trying to tell you that the character is going through.
isn't gone mad he's just grumpy and he's a shit hunter and all of the scenes with him talking to the mannequins, the interaction with the mannequins, it's meant to tell you it's so sad and he's so desperate, but it's... pathetic and stupid and it's not funny it's cringy and it takes you out of the movie like i think a film like a quiet place does that so much better when they walk silently through those desperate towns
when they look at the grave for their child that they made that was killed. I think there are so many other versions of this film that have portrayed... desperate isolation and guilt survivor guilt so much better and I don't know if it's the director the writer or Will Smith wanting to be a movie star Will Smith but it doesn't
it doesn't do anything. Well, the producers wanted to be movie star Will Smith too because it made $500 million. You know, that's the tough part is you can't make a real nuanced art house movie if you're giving it $100 million, $150 million budget and you hire the A-list actor. right it's i i think i i i more so with claire on this one because i do think there's something i was trying to get at it but you got it better than i did or something sort of at odds in the movie itself which is
okay, is this movie about this guy's, okay, he's a scientist even, and let's take that. Is it about his feeling of responsibility for failing to save the world and the fallout of that and trying to survive with these creatures that live in this? whatever. And is it, is it really about him? Is it really about his experience or is it a flashy, big studio production that has a Batman versus Superman?
easter egg plastered in it because warner brothers wants you wants you to get excited about that movie that has been in developmental hell for 25 years but will eventually come out like I thought that's kind of funny. It's so far ahead of when BVS actually gets made. But they've been already working on it. That didn't bother me. I think it was more the fact that it almost...
It has its brakes on in every way. It either needs to pick being much darker, much more violent, much more depressing, or it needs to pick being much more violent, action-y. Like, let's fuck up these vampires. Yeah, but it just sits in the middle. And I found it completely tepid. Like, there was just no emotion, no excitement. know nothing and maybe that was intentional because it's trying to show you how boring the end of the world is I don't know but I just found it emotionless actionless
I'm pretty stupid. And if I had been that woman that turns up towards the end, I would have just fucking shot him. Like what a, what a waste of a space. Yeah, it's just, it is at odds with itself because it is, to me, it's almost the same thing with like iRobot, which is like, is this really about...
Isaac Asimov's ideas about what makes humanity human and when can a machine develop humanity and what happens if machine, we're not, these are no longer thought pieces and thinking pieces like they were in the forties, fifties and sixties when they're written. They're taking that and then they're using it as IP, something that is relatively recognizable. Right. To make an action movie. Making a big studio blockbuster out of it. And when you do that, it's kind of got to appeal to everybody.
There's going to be violence, but it can't really be bloody, even though they're zombie vampires. There's going to be isolation, but we also have to have him in a cool car because Ford has got product placement. right because we got to pay for this 160 million dollars somehow and we also got to like tease this thing that we've been working on and we got to do this and we got to do that and we got to and it just feels like it feels um overproduced
That's probably just the best way to put it. Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing a little arthouse adaptation of this story because it's a great story. It's a bleak story. Even in the end, it's bleak. That is trying to convince you it's a happy story. And it's not happy. It's bleak.
I think you're right to keep bringing up the producers because I think the controversy with the alternate endings shows that even the producers up until, well, the end didn't even know what they were doing with this film, didn't know what they wanted to do with it. Well, yeah, now there's a sequel coming out. So this ending is...
even the real ending anymore. Oh, are they going back to the other one? The alternate ending, because Will Smith is starring in I Am Legend 2. Jesus! So the alternate ending is the real ending where he survives. Did you not know that was happening? That was the way she said that. I am watching too.
which doesn't fuck come on we gotta stop we gotta stop I do love that like these films were considered semi-flops at the time because they weren't like critically received but now they're like well let's go back to the films that were critically They're like, even a poorly received IP is better than an original movie that doesn't make any money. Like, it's crazy. I am legend.
Two is such a stupid thing on paper. No one asked for I Am Legend 2, but yet they're like, well, it's a title that someone's heard of. The Omega Man. Again, the Omega Man 2. yeah it's bad man it's we're just we're circling the drain i feel like um i like this one here's what i'll say i like this one more than the first time i saw it only because now i knew don't expect
bleakness don't expect the sadness and the shock of the book or other iterations of the book just this is what this is And I will say that other than like, it's wild to me that like this movie cost a hundred and however many million dollars and had 50 Smith and had to have. you know all these names behind it and a major studio put it out and not to say that this is cheap but now we have tv shows like the walking dead just a few years after this and now even beyond that last of us
which are doing telling similar stories at similar scale, especially the last of us. Yeah.
And it's just like, it's just on a streaming service. It's just, it's just dumped on it. Like, like with fanfare, but it's just like, okay, watch it whenever you want. And you're like, wait a minute. You know, everything's upside down in the industry right now. Yeah. So. I also, I feel a little bit of like, I don't know if it's nostalgia, but there were still, especially the interior sets, they actually built a set.
like his house is a set so when he's sitting there at the table that i like i am now this is how far this is how old i've gotten as i now feel nostalgia for physical objects in movies. Oh, me too. We all do. I miss buttons. When I was watching National Treasure, I was like, God, I miss buttons. I'm so mad with the Avengers movies where they just wipe at the sky and do shit. Everything is just like it.
I missed buttons. Yeah, that's a really good point. I thought you meant like buttons on clothes. No, like, sorry, like gadgets, gadgets and keyboards. Clickable, clickable, tactile, physical things. Yeah. I... Boy, this will really, I'll introduce my thesis to you and then we can move on because it'll take us forever. But I think at least for our generation, because we grew up at a different time and we're all.
different ages, but we're in a similar cohort. I think the the lack of tangible physical things in our day to day life is slowly driving in society insane. Because it gives this veneer of nothing is real anymore. Like so much of our work. Everything's meaningless because it doesn't take time. Yes. Like so much of our work is creators.
Well, look at all three of us, though. Look at our physical media. All of us are playing. But our work is not physically available anywhere, right? There's no W-rated box set. No, but what I'm saying is if something goes belly up in podcasting or there's a fucking glitch in Amazon servers, the years of our life are gone. They're gone. I mean, I still back everything up on hard drives.
It'll be as almost as if like it never happened. That is it. My first, my first year of film criticism is gone because the website I wrote for doesn't exist anymore. I mean, I copied and pasted it a lot of it onto a WordPress that I have. but the actual proper work doesn't exist anymore.
And look, now you're talking about studios that are spending tens of millions, if not hundreds of million dollars on film and television, and they are just wiping them clean for a tax write-off. We're talking about podcasts. I'm not saying it's not important what we do. We're talking about podcasts.
that big of a monetary investment and, and things that we've written for websites and all that's important, but you've got people here with dozens, hundreds, thousands of creators, artists working on something and they press delete and it's gone. And then the Greek TV show.
devastates me i watched that greece tv show i actually greatly enjoyed it but even if it wasn't enjoyable every single episode had between three and four original songs with original choreography with handmade costuming beautiful handsets Imagine that is your first choreographing job. You can't prove to anyone that you did that. It should be illegal. That's the thing I will say is that I understand that these people financing it as a business, I get it, you invested your money, but...
when you create art to me at least it's not just money it's not just a factory creating widgets you're talking about hundreds or thousands of artists putting something in there for their resume to show that they created something and to delete it to me i think is wrong and i think
protections need to be put in place for this type of art and you should not be able to just say oh I want a tax write-off here's thousands of people's lives for years and years and years that now is just gone well I mean The thing that really has hit me, I think coming out of quarantine, connecting it to I am legend is, and you touched on this, Claire, is we as a human species still need other people. We need physical content.
not just with people that's big, but just with the actual environment, the world around us. And as more and more of our life moves digitally, like there's a good chance. You guys, you are the only two faces I'm going to see today because I got a bunch of other stuff I got to do. It's just going to be me and my dog. It's 7pm for me. I saw someone at 6 in the morning when I drove home this morning from staying at their house and then I saw...
a load of annoying people in the supermarket who I avoided eye contact with because they were in my way and then I used the self-checkout and then I've been by myself at home since 7am and I'm going to go to bed and then I'm going to work from home tomorrow. That's right. Yeah. And so like, what's interesting is like, this is like Robert Neville, almost an Aaron Neville. That's a different person. Robert Neville's life is presented to us as like, wow. All he has is his screens and his dog.
What a terrible life. You're just describing society for billions of people. We are legend. Yeah, we are legend. It's like. fuck like fuck the apocalypse it is it's already post-apocalypse we're living post what like what was it what was our societal apocalypse the smartphone what was it what when did it happen i don't know But something has gone terribly wrong. It was something between Facebook and Amazon. Yeah, something there.
And I can say that now because I don't work for them anymore. Because here's the thing. You're hearing this more and more from people all around the world of going, society is unraveling in our country and our civilization is falling apart and clubs are like. organizations things for people to go and do third spaces uh the nightclub industry around the world is like there's nobody there and so many clubs are shuttering all around the world movie theaters are shuttering
Like people are not leaving their house anymore. And in COVID, I feel like just sped that up. Oh yeah, for sure. But it's like, and you would think like, yeah, there was that initial burst when we all went back in the world and started going to festivals and events. But attendance for that stuff is still down five years later.
From where it was. Like, what the fuck happened to us? Greed. Corporate greed. For sure. For me, I like going into the office, but my company will not pay for individual desks for everyone. So I have to choose what days I go into the office. office to hope i'll get a desk because i have to hot desk i have to bring my laptop my keyboard everything on my back i have to be in the office at 8 30 in the morning to get a desk because if i get there at nine they're already all taken
It means that I have to travel for two hours to get to the office in the hope that I'll get a desk. And if I travel at that time, it's peak time. So instead of costing me £10, it costs me £20. So every day I go into the office, I have to think... Do I want to spend £20 getting in today? Do I want to have to get up this early? That's a lot of time. That's a lot of time.
I try and bookend it, but the days that I go in, because I work in central London, I try and meet up for friends. I try and go to arthouse cinemas. I try and make sure that, you know, what I've paid, 20, 30 pounds to be here today. Make it worth it. Yeah. I love working from home because I get time to myself. I have a dedicated setup in my study. I can cook my own food. Like the cheapest meal near where I work is £12.
That's £12 of food. Or I can queue upstairs for the one microwave we have in our office that 200 people are trying to use. You know, it's all of this shit and society, like... because companies are squeezing as much out that I will come into the office because we need you to pay for travel because we need that to feed. And we're not going to give you food facilities because we need you to go to the local restaurants. But like everything shit, they want you there, but everything to do with it.
is shit because they're how much can we take from you to force you to still be here but make sure we're getting every last drop of money from you so at the end of the month i can't afford to go i'd love to go clubbing i'd love to go on holiday i'll have the money because i had to commute to work every day Right. That was a run that no one needed. No, but your experience is the experience of like most people in our age range and younger. And the thing is, we at least remember.
right they don't know any better world and the younger kids like this is it i feel so sorry for them their their anxiety levels their mental health disorder levels are through the roof they have no prospects no future i manage
talent at my job and I spoke to a 19 year old girl the other day and she comes in three days a week and it takes her two and a half hours on the train each way cost her 65 pound a day and she can't afford to move into London so she has to live that far away to do the job and then she's asking you know can work pay for my travel and i'm like well no because you took the job in london you should move to london like i don't agree with that
There's no jobs. Yeah. So she has to travel two hours to get money. Yes. Yeah. It's like we're slipping back into a feudal society. Only corporations are the lords. Yeah. 100%. 100%. God, this got bleak. I'm sorry. Sorry. I am legend. We are legend. We are. But this podcast is going to be the stuff of legend. 7.5 out of 10 is the third. It's middling. It's in the middle for me. What do you guys say? Yeah, not bad. I have eight out of 10 and it's number three for me.
I have three out of 10 and it's worst of the week. I'm also really angry, Jason, because that means that the next film is your worst of the week. And I just am so angry. No. Worst of the week is The Simpsons. Okay, well, that's still wrong, but at least it's not the other film. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, this is the worst of the week for me. Let's cap this long-ass episode off with a short-ass movie about a rat.
it's the first time watch for me i've never seen this before 2007's ratatouille which has a 96 on rotten tomatoes From the creators of Buzz and Woody, Mike and Sully, and Marlon and Dory, on June 29th, discover the most unlikely partners of all time, Remy and Linguini. From the director of The Incredibles. You can cook? Don't be so modest. You're a rat for Pete's sake. This summer comes the most impossible dream Disney and Pixar have ever imagined. Together, we can be the greatest chef in Paris.
Ratatouille, rated G. See nine minutes on Yahoo News. It's directed by Brad Bird. Was he canceled or is he not canceled yet? He's not. I don't think he's canceled. He was the nice one. Okay, all right. And screenplay by Brad Bird. Story by Jan Pinkova. Jim Capobianco and Brad Bird. It's trying for a turn of Ian Holm. Last seen in Dead Face in Alien Romulus when they brought his corpse back to life. John Ratzenberger.
cars he's heard in cars this film was released uh june 29th 2007 2007 on a budget of 150 million dollars it made 623.7 million dollars it's the sixth highest grossing film of the year The French cuisine world is revived through a Parisian rat's cooking genius. I have, oh, I have Brad versus critics. Yeah, pretty much. White men will take credit for anyone's work, even a rat. Mediocre white guys. As they sit here. Claire, would you eat the best meal of your life if you knew a rat cooked it?
Yeah, because actually, like, I don't think I could. I think in reality I'd probably be gross. But in theory, yes, because rats are actually, like, one of the cleanest animals, technically. What? I mean, I know I've heard, like, dogs' mouths, but rats? Rats are scientifically incredibly clean animals. They take their cleanliness like mad.
Oh my God. Our fear of rats has been passed down from the plague, the black plague. Okay. Yeah. I would have never known. Okay. Yeah. People that have pet rats like that. Yeah. Mentally, they're always grooming always. Yeah. They bathe themselves in each other more than cats bathe themselves. Oh my gosh. Okay. Wow.
They like to be clean. They keep their nest clean. They don't poop where they live. You can train a rat to use a litter box. It's crazy. They're very smart, highly intelligent. With all that being said, there's still some weird disconnect. I know this is a cartoon. I know it's anime. I know it's whimsical. That rat is touching those pots and pans.
it's cute it's a sweet story it's funny it's good great animation great sound mixing when when it gets like washed away in the water and stuff incredible stuff but at the end of the movie when it has this happy ending that a bunch of rats are cooking. I'm just like, ugh! But everyone in that restaurant is aware of what's happening. It makes it better. And the health inspector has already shut one restaurant due to the infestation. But, but, but, okay, I know...
I know that they know it because the sign and everything. I know they know it. How does the government allow that establishment to operate? How is that? Even if you choose to do it. The government don't know. It's just like a little secret. It's a hole in the wall. It'll be a hole in the wall, like an invite only, like guest list. I'm like, how does this have a happy ending? They closed a whole place down because of this same thing. One man's his father.
his bastard father legacy is completely destroyed yeah I don't know if this made it out to the states but like around this time we had the massive scandal in the UK that like all of our frozen meat was horse. Like 95% of our horse meat. Yeah. I don't know if that was just a UK thing or if it was like a Europe thing or if it was a worldwide thing. Yeah.
But that was going on, and that was known. That was going on for years, and probably still goes on. If you eat frozen food, you've probably eaten a lot of food that's been handled and touched by rats.
I have eaten a lot of horses. That is something I have had to psychologically just put somewhere else. The downside of this, okay, anybody that's worked in the food service industry... will tell you that there are rats and mice and cockroaches everywhere everywhere in every restaurant right yeah so even even the high-end ones right there's just the high-end ones keep them under control and it doesn't get beyond a certain point
but the chances of and then all of especially in america all of our food is so processed and shipped and canned and moved all over the place you know that's that's how you get you know uh freaking cholera from chipotle is because the the slave worker is shitting in the field it's getting into the lettuce and then it's getting into your chipotle and then whatever so like
The food chain is incredibly resilient, but also extremely fragile. I'm glad that we managed to make Ratatouille as bleak as I am legend just so quickly, just straight off the bat. Maybe I'm going through something. I don't know. But I think I am too aware, Claire. I know too much about the fucking world. Our brains as animals, we're not supposed to know this much.
I'm not even supposed to know that Claire exists. I'm only supposed to know about my tribe in, in a less than a less than a 60 mile radius around me. Probably like 10 miles around me. That's what my brain has evolved to be able to process. It's a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing and a curse because it's brought clear into my life. That is how my family described my existence. She brings so much joy into my life.
But then I also have to know that people are shitting in my tacos. I also have to know that there are rats at the Chinese restaurant. that i go to and there's rats in in french cooking restaurants running the place apparently yeah right so but that's what i mean i think that that was my original point like i'd rather know i think i'd rather know that their nice clean rat is making my food than just
have the fear of what is in this McDonald's sandwich. That's a good point. That's a good point, yeah. If you know the rats are around, at least you know that one's clean and smart. He knows what he's doing and he knows his way around the kitchen. This is not my favorite Pixar movie. It's not my least favorite Pixar movie. What? What? I'm with Kevin. This is a grand film, but it's not their top tier. Kevin is a...
Pixar gooner. He goon-maxes to Pixar. But you have to have a hierarchy with it. Yeah, Pixar's good. Lightyear's at the bottom of the hierarchy. No, but it's Cars's at the top. Cars is like me and my son loves it and it's cute. I don't know if it's top tier Pixar. Man, that's a good question. It's Nemo for me.
Nemo and Dory are both great. I love the sea. So like Nemo is the best the sea has ever looked on film. Incredibles. Brad Bird also directed Incredibles. I'm an Incredibles hater. I just don't get it. I tried. I tried. I don't get it. I think it's fine. I don't hate it really But compared to everyone else I'm a hater I'm late on the Pixar bandwagon Coco Coco's top tier Pixar Coco's like number two Just behind Nemo
I do like Coco, but I had to go back and revisit this era. Past Toy Story, I didn't really like. The Toy Story movies, I didn't watch very many of these.
this i didn't watch when it came out because again i was in college i just i wasn't it's just at this time in my life obviously being at college i wasn't seeing as many movies i wasn't watching as many like this is a kids movie not saying adults can't enjoy it but it's an animated kids movie and so i just wasn't seeing as much stuff around this time period and so i saw it later and i'm like it's fine it's fun it's cute but uh i don't have any love for this one in particular go ahead claire well
The thing that hit me was I watched all of these Pixar movies from this era of Pixar. We're not talking about contemporary Pixar is, Oh, like, like interesting storytelling. This is going to be a weird connection, but that's what I do. There's a movie that Kevin Costner is in in the 80s about bicyclists, the competitive like. Bicyclists. Cyclists. Cyclists, yeah. And it's him and his younger brother, and they're estranged. And their dad died from a brain aneurysm. It's hereditary.
And they think that the younger brother has it. And Kevin Costner has gone on to do sports medicine. I think he's even a doctor and he works at like a sports clinic. Radon Chong is in it. It's just this random thing. And so they finally get the younger brother to come out.
and do some testing on him and you know he's come to find out he's got some issues or whatever but the whole movie kind of makes you think that there's something wrong with the younger brother like whatever but they want to compete this extremely grueling race that was likely going to kill the younger brother does costner have it and then the twist is that costner tests himself and the whole time
It's not him struggling with how is he going to tell his brother that he has it. It's how is he going to tell his brother that Costner has it, right? So you think it's like a doctor, a strange brother. Like, how do I tell my brother? His brain's going to explode. But he's really like, how do I tell my brother I'm estranged with my brains? Interesting. So they both are like pushing themselves to be these high competition athletes. It's a random ass movie. I even forget what it's called.
But it's just like we used to just get movies like that of like a guy gets a job at a restaurant and he's not very good and he has to learn how to cook. And then there's some kind of interesting, fantastical concept of. And a robot teaches him or something. Right. And that's like all these movies from like the eighties, even in the nineties, it's like, and that's what this is. It's just because it's animated. They get sick. A magical rat can do it.
But that's early Pixar, was that? Yes! I don't know how much you know about it. I got really back into Pixar when I was at university because I did film as my degree. And I watched the Pixar story documentary. I have a massive book behind me about the origins.
of Pixar as a studio and like it's really fascinating because it was all those guys that grew up on those 80s movies they wanted to tell those stories but they also wanted to pioneer this technology and it's it's the complete connection of it and like This is why Ratatouille is in the golden age of Pixar. It's sort of towards the end of the golden age of Pixar. But like...
It's why originally it was the greatest studio and why it has accolades and why it still has somewhat of the prestige it did. It's lost a bit of it because it's become a sequel factory. Yeah, I feel like in this era, it's the only studio that is considered... consistently still telling stories actual like we're going to take you into this world like here's some little world that's you know it's the world of restaurants world of parisian high-end culture restaurants or whatever
And it's going to be funny. It's going to be lighthearted. It's going to be dramatic. It's going to be heartfelt. It's going to be all these things. We're going to tell you a story about this guy and this rat. And it's like, like. The rest of the movies on this list that have actual human beings in them, they're not really telling stories like this in this way. I don't know even how to really describe it. You just feel it when you're watching it and you're going...
This is hearkening back to an older way that we used to tell stories that, in my opinion, was more effective. There were more effective ways to tell stories, even if there are fantastical or weird elements to it. Like Pretty Woman isn't the world's greatest movie.
And it's sort of odd because, you know, if you really lay out what the plot is, it's odd. Right. But a man hires a sex worker and then takes a lucky tour and then kind of becomes a fairy tale, but not really. And all this sort of stuff. But there's like. it's a story. It's a story about this, this guy's world and hostile takeovers in her world as a young woman who's trying to make an LA and it's turned to sex work. And like you go through all of these movies.
that we grew up with or were around and before us, it predated us. And it's like, it's a world that maybe I don't even really know, but we're going to go into that world. And you're going to tell me a story about the world, the people who occupy it. and we've done away with almost all of that and then here it is in ratatouille pixart
That's the thing is that Pixar, even though they've now, because of Bob Iger and corporations and stockholders, just like we already talked about, they're trying to appease all of them by pumping out these sequels. But for the most part... pixar is creating ip and that's the difference they've continued to create ip where all these other ones are trying to make sequels and just rehash the same crap and again pixar is getting back there unfortunately but we're still getting
Do you still squeeze out a Luca? Like, Luca's not the greatest Pixar movie of all time, but Luca is so charming, so quaint. Soul, Luca, turning red. Three in a row. Before Lightyear, then you got Elemental. Which I actually loved.
I thought Elemental was very well done. It had a slow start, but then it ended up making like $500 million or $700 million or something. But yeah, I think Pixar has been consistent. And even though they've cashed their checks for the sequels and stuff that have made it. of money they still keep giving us those lucas and turning reds and such and uh they're very raccooni
That's all I can think about now. Did that pop into anybody's head? Yes, 100%. As soon as that rat got on that guy's head, I was like, this is Rakakuni. I felt, because I knew you hadn't seen it before, I was like, is Jason doing the Leonardo DiCaprio? caprio but like oh my god i understand now before i watched the movie that's the first thing i thought about was like oh yeah see but that like the the genius behind that bit is if you take this
Out of the charmed, bulbous shaped. They're very particular about the animation style of this movie to make it almost more cartoony than any of their other movies thus far, right? It was one of their first ones with humans, though. Apart from the Incredibles, it's kind of one of their only human-based ones. That's true. Humans were really weird. Like Toy Story, they looked really weird. They were very strange until recent. But yeah, they're very angry.
and bulbous and round and soft. Yeah, very exaggerated. They make him as cute as possible. Oh, adorable design. But the moment you're like, here's a semi-realistic raccoon and a real guy and the raccoon's on his head, you're like, this is fun. disturbing right that's what makes you laugh it's like like if if there's a live action oh my god i pray they don't ever do it but our live action ratatouille would would be disturbing
Well, just like they have been so often, these live action movies are just weird. The whole point, you tell certain stories through different mediums. That's what a lot of people can't get out of their head. I mean, us as movie people, we get it. They think animation is a genre. Animation is not a genre. It's a medium. It's just like CG or hand-drawn or film or digital or motion capture. Those are all mediums to tell a story. And Pixar has created the first...
ever full-length feature CG movie, and they've continued to hone their craft. Each movie looks better than the next, and they give you the short where they're testing new animation out, and so they've continually improved upon the art form.
and then they've done it very well right all their movies for the most part are critically received very well and and they've earned that distinction um and and but to your point though like the animation style is very cute it's very it's very good animation especially for the time but still holds up
um yeah remy is adorable he's just like you know he's a very you want to go back to the sewers though he's good he's going back in them sewers oh i still i know i still can't get out of my head the whole cooking and whatever but the character design is very cute and when you think of rat
I'm not saying they're not cute. They are cute in person. But you just don't think of that as the animal towards like, oh, let's make a cartoon. It's cute. This is the only thing Patton Oswalt to me has ever been likable in. I don't like the guy. Oh, really? I don't care for him at all. And I don't like him at all. I've interviewed him before. How was he? No comment.
So there's like every red flag goes off about that guy. Or I'm just like, there's something not, I didn't, I didn't know that it wasn't a setup. I'm just like, there's something not right about that guy. Oh, he's got a lot of cred for being the dead wife guy for so long. Yeah.
He got a lot of love for that. That is such... Yeah, that's definitely an interesting story. Yeah, he sure did, didn't he? I think he's a very funny guy. I do think he's funny. Likeable? I don't know. His character... The characters he plays aren't... usually that likable of characters, right? I'm saying I don't like the man. oh okay i don't like him and so it just taints everything that he touches because i i have that with certain people i have yeah sometimes you just like i think
Yeah, I think that he's very funny. I like his comedy. I like his sense of humor. Oh. Okay, well, anyway, but I do think he does a good job voice acting in this. Yeah, and that was where I was going with it. It was like, this is a guy I physically am repulsed by, but I still... Is Janine Garofalo the French cook? Did I read that right? In this movie? The one that the dude falls in love with? The one that's French and has a French accent? Did I look up in IMDb? I don't know.
What's the character's name? I spent not an insignificant amount of time in the 90s in love with Gene Garofalo. So Janine Garofalo voices Colette. Yeah, that's the love intro. Holy shit! Do you see what I'm saying? So I looked it up on IMDb and I saw Janine Garofalo as Colette and I go, wait, what? She's doing a French act? Like, I didn't know. with someone putting on a French accent. I know who that is. Yeah.
I actually, my one of, I didn't really write a lot of notes on this because I just decided to enjoy it and let it wash over me. But my one note was actually that next time I watch it, I really want to watch it in French. I want to see what it's like watching it with the French doves with subtitles. I was like, I wonder what experience that would add. I thought you were going to say, next time I watch it, I want to watch it stoned.
I cannot do Stoned. I watched Shrek Stoned once and I had an existential crisis. Claire's not allowed to do drugs. I see. But yeah, I think this is a very pleasant little movie. It's just the only thing is my adult brain and my, you know, cannot get, there's something weird where like, I love cartoons and I love animation and.
It's got a survival instinct, Kevin. But I don't know why there's a barrier with this one. There's just something where I could not stop thinking about that. Where's your family from? Where are your ancestors from? England.
Black Plague, brother. It's in there. There it is. Generational trauma. Generational trauma. They were like, can't trust the rats. Yeah, so I don't know. But I do think it's a very cute movie. I think very... i mean again not my favorite pixar but i think it's a solid movie it's cute it has some good lessons in it good animation again the sound mixing i watched this one with headphones so i was listening in like virtual surround sound but it's like very very good surround sound and
the sound mixing is out of this world in this movie and I think Pixar that is something that you might not notice if you don't have a good setup or you're not doing headphones but they do spend a lot of time on that and this movie was surprising how good it was to me. All the little sounds, little sound effects of cooking and putting things in different pots and, you know, kind of flying around you as things moved. And yeah. What's your score? What's your rank, Kevin?
My score on this one is nine, and it's my number one movie of the week. Claire, what are your final thoughts on this and your score and your rank? Well, I was a bit confused because when I logged it on my letterbox, I'd scored it.
out of five 4.5 last time and i was like oh i don't quite agree with that this time i didn't enjoy it as much this time as previous times it's one for me that i think depending on my mood it wildly varies so this time i gave it an eight point an eight hour of 10 because I think I wrote down I was like it's so beautiful visually and the score is like so charming but there's something in it
that my attention always drifts. I don't know what it is, but it never 100% has my full attention. I don't know if it's because it's not very long, but it's somewhere along the way it loses me a tiny bit and it always brings me back.
I'm in the exact same boat Claire I think it's the best movie of the week out of these movies even though I'm a Simpsons guy I love Simpsons but I can't say The Simpsons is a better movie than Ratatouille but it's my favorite movie of the week but I'm with you to where I
don't ever think to watch this i don't know when i'll ever watch this again i think it's cute i think it's fine but there is something in it to where i'm watching and i'm just like i'm just not into it and there's that weird disconnect with the cooking part where i just for some reason maybe if i like the movie
i would just say ah whatever it's a cartoon but like not caring that much about it and maybe it is because i didn't find it when it came out and i don't have nostalgia or anything for it so i'm just like
it's okay it's good that's the same for me like I discovered it when I was at uni because I got this amazing like Pixar box set that had the first 10 years of Pixar and one big thing and I was like oh I guess I'll give this a go and I really enjoyed it um I will say though the Ratatouille ride in Disneyland Paris Outstanding. We just got it at Disney World. Hell of a time.
I haven't been back, but we got the same one at Disney world. I'd like to check that out. So much fun. Just like a high recommend. And it's really, it's a really easy single rider one as well. And yeah, I would give this eight out of 10 and it's my top of the week as well. Yeah. Well, when I come over to London, I expect you to take me to the car park for the Shrek 4D experience. It's as close as I'm ever going to get to riding anything Ratatouille related.
If you just flew to Paris, I would meet you in Paris. And we could go to Disneyland. Well, Disneyland Paris isn't in Paris, but we can meet in Disneyland. Okay, all right. Meet me in Paris. Get on over there. For the Ratatouille ride. Meet me in Ratatouille. We're all going to meet up in Paris. We would all have a great time. It's time for a recap coming in. Dead last for me is the Simpsons movie. Sorry, Kevin.
5 out of 10. Number 4, National Treasure, Book of Secrets, 6 out of 10. Number 3, I Am Legend, 7.5 out of 10. Number 2, The Surprise of the Week is 300, which is better than I remembered. but it was also not something I'll ever watch again. 8 out of 10. Number one, Ratatouille, 8.5 out of 10. Kevin, let's go with you. What's your recap? Yep, so I had National Treasure Book of Secrets dead last. I'm sorry, Claire, with a 6.0 out of 10. I had 300 as 7.5. It is 4, but I...
I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would too. So it was surprising. Uh, number three, I know is a surprise to you guys, but that was, I am legend because I just, I love that story. And I like, I do like what Will Smith was doing there. Number two, because it's the Simpsons is, uh, at an 8.5.
the simpsons movie still think it holds up still think it's loads of fun and then easy choice for number one even though it's not my favorite pixar my favorite of the week is ratatouille can we all agree before we get to claire's recap that The Simpsons part of Universal Studios is the worst part of that park. No, it's the best part. I really enjoyed it, but when I went, it had just been made, so it was really fun and exciting when I went.
Oh, it's so good. That's one of the only reasons I like to go to Universal, and there's rumors they're going to take it away, and that major bums me out. The Krusty Burger is some of the worst food I've ever had. I didn't eat at the Krusty Burger.
Yeah, it doesn't matter what the food is, it's the theming. Like, going into the quickie mart was so fun. It's so fun, yeah. They killed Back to the Future so that you could have your quickie mart. I don't like Back to the Future, so that's fine. Me and Claire are going to go and see their songs. Overrated as fuck. Back to the Future, if you watched it with a developed brain, it doesn't work. It's just about rape.
This film is so fucking rapey. It's a three-star film at best. I'm so fed up of the hold it has on society. May the Simpsons destroy all of its legacy. What? Jeez, Bob Yale wrote it from St. Louis, too, taking down one of our hometown guys. Kevin, you don't like Back to the Future? Oh, I love Back to the Future. I'm shocked.
He just likes The Simpsons and Universal more. Claire, what about Back to the Future 2? There's no incest in Back to the Future 2. Never seen it. Don't have time for it. No, thank you. Well, we need a whole different series for this. I actually think you would like to. The first three times I tried to watch the first one, I fell asleep. All three times. You would like to. Two's more. Well, no. Not doing it. All right. Okay.
I feel the same way about Dirty Dancing, if that helps. Just, you know, we all need to move on. Oh, that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. Anyway, apologies.
Coming in last with three stars, I have I Am Legend, followed with 4.1, 300. In the middle, National Treasure 2 with seven stars, followed by 2, The Simpsons Movie with 7.7. top spot Ratatouille with eight stars I must have been in a bad mood when I watched them this week because my scoring is so much lower than all of yours is there a chance you've been dealing with a lot of stuff is there a chance Claire that the reason why you hate Back to the Future is because you hate freedom
you don't know what it's like to live in a free country do you know what it really is I actually just really fucking hate time travel I really hate any... I hate time travel as a concept. I hate time travel movies. Well, yeah, of course you hate Back to the Future, then. It's an incest time travel family adventure. Yeah, it just... I also don't like families. It all makes sense. It all makes sense.
All right, on our very next episode, we're going to be ranking the top five highest grossing films of 2007, which includes at number five, the very first Transformers. Number four, Shrek the Third, which I've already covered with Claire. Number three, Spider-Man 3, which I've already covered. Number two, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which I've already covered. And number one, Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End. Where can we find you on the internet?
You can find me on Real Spoilers. We've been around for 814 episodes since 2013. Yep, we've been doing this a while. Just type it into whatever Spotify, whatever. Stitcher's not around. Google, YouTube Music, whatever. Just search for it. See what happens. Yeah, right. And then we just recently, I guess in the last hundred episodes, they're all up on YouTube. So I guess that's probably the place we should send you because we're doing all on video now.
Claire, when you're not thinking about tiny boats in Orlando Bloom, where can we find you? You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Claire Ellen Hope. Claire has no I. And you can find old episodes of W Rated wherever you get podcasts. One day you'll find new episodes, but unfortunately the two busiest women, you know, decided to attempt to make a podcast together and look at what isn't happening now. Now. Okay. So if there was an I in Claire, would it be Claire?
No, apparently mine should be Klaar and everyone else's should be Claire. Is Klaar a name? No, it's not a name. You gave us trouble for Claire. Claire is technically an anagram of clear. So technically mine is the right spelling because it's all the same letters. But Claire is actually a place in Ireland. So there's County Claire. It's a county. But most people spell Claire with an I. Unless you're that weird fucked up version that doesn't have an E, we don't talk about them.
Wait, wait, wait. So Claire is an offshoot of the word clear? Yeah. Clear Rivers in Final Destination. Paul, who's an Australian, anytime he hears the word, the name clear. he thinks they're saying Claire in the final destination movies, but I had to correct him. I'm like, no, it's not Claire rivers. It's clear rivers, but he's not completely wrong. That's funny. Oh my. God, it's all coming together. Wow. You Saxons. You guys created our language.
You stole it from the Romans. You stole it from the Greeks. I did like a whole year of study on that. Please don't. Please don't. I know too much about that. Okay. Well, wow. What a time we've had together. We're going to wrap up this year, this season, with the top five highest grossing movies of another year and another decade in which I wish they never made movies. That's right, the 2000s. Let's finish it up.
let's go out strong let's finish another season thank you guys so much for being on here go check out these guys podcasts and support their work and follow them on social media and develop a pair of social relationship with both of them especially if it can be monetized Until next time, binge on.