Hi, I'm Carrie, a stroke survivor and a co host of BIND waves, where, you know, we encourage you to listen to our stories and hear about brain injury awareness. We're, in March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, so we're re releasing some of our most popular episodes. Our fourth episode was with our member, Bernard, who goes into about his, how he went through what happens after the brain injury.
What's next? Okay, oops, you've had a brain injury. Now what? So, I hope you enjoy this re listen.
Hi, I'm Carrie, a stroke survivor and brain injury survivor.
And I'm Kezia, a brain injury survivor as well. And today is going to be our second episode of BIND Waves. And we have our guest today is Bernard. He's super welcoming and loves pets, dogs to be exact. So we're so happy to see him here. And he's going to be explaining to us about what happens after a brain injury. So good morning Bernard.
Good morning. I'm Bernard Brown. Um, I suffered my brain injury back in 2005, June of 2005 and the recovery is ongoing. Um, and I'm here today to share some of my recovery with you guys and I'll lead on to the ladies.
To the ladies.
Welcome to bindwaves, the official podcast of the Brain Injury Network of Dallas. I'm Brian White, BIND's Executive Director. On each episode, we'll be providing insight into the brain injury community. We'll be talking to members and professionals regarding their stories and the important role of BIND's Clubhouse. We work as a team to inspire hope, community, and a sense of purpose to survivors, caregivers, and the public. Thank you for tuning in to BIND Waves. Let's get on with the show.
Um, well, good morning. Like I said, you're like I've missed you so much in a time that we haven't been able to see you, so I'm so excited that you're here and willing to share like your recovery and all of that. So I think that the best question to begin is is like what happens after you have a brain injury like you're in the hospital and then what?
My experience what happens at the brain injury is you wake up and you look around and you say, well, you Like I didn't really remember everything right at that time. I knew I was injured. I just woke up in the hospital with everyone, with someone staring at me doing this like, whoa. So I knew it was bad. And as far as, um, after the injury, like, like during the, during the hospital time, I, I thought like, I don't know, like, what is this? What's going on? I knew my world had changed.
Um, and it's just. I know I just wanted to get out and get started. That was my biggest. It's like, okay, let's, let's see what this, what, what this has for me now. But I knew everything had changed. And so, and like I said, it's been 15, 16 years and the recovery is still ongoing. I've suffered from a lot of things. Like I've learned to fake it, you know, like act like you're all right. Right. Yeah. And so. And I figure I'll fake it till I make it and I'm still trying to make it.
So, and, but it's, it's, it's ongoing. Some days are hard.
Now, does rehab look the same for everybody?
No, I don't think it, I think that might be a misconception. I think all our injuries are different. It affects how you live, how you eat. I mean, I'm saying how you suffer from your injury goes into how you live, you know? So, I mean, like, I can't sleep. The only way, like, I was expecting this so I couldn't sleep, but about 1. 30, 1. 45, I had to take a pill, like, trying not to take pills. If I'm excited or expecting something, I really can't sleep, then my brain won't let me relax, so.
So, like I say, it's, it's, it's ongoing. You do certain things to cover up other things, so. But I don't think any of them are the same.
Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think.
And like I said, I'm happy that they're starting to do studies on brain injuries, but I don't think the information is exact or anything because like what I suffer from and what I hear other people suffer from is certain things collab, but I think all of them are different.
Yeah, I think that's something that we always talk about here, like as part of BIND, being members at BIND, we always have something to learn from, from different people. But, so, you have a brain injury, you're at a hospital, but like literally, I think some people don't even know, like, we go into an inpatient recovery, like what is even recovery? Like, I know, obviously, we all get doctors. A doctor woke you up and was like, who is this person, right?
But, other than doctors, what do we get, like, what services do we get as brain injury survivors to recover?
As far as, um, if you know something that I don't know, please share it with me. I don't think that they, we really, like, the science is really there for recovery. people with brain injuries. Like, I guess if I had a heart attack, you know, I can go places and get help for my heart attack as opposed to having a brain injury. It's not like you can just get in the phone book and say, okay, let's call this and go see about this.
Because I don't know if it's the different aspects of brain injuries where they can't pinpoint, you know, what to do for us. But the information is not there for us. And I mean, like I say, you can't call. a hotline and say, Hey, I'm, you know, I'm suffering from brain injury. Can I get this? As opposed to if I'm having a heart attack or if I suffer from a broken leg, I can call anywhere and you know, there's something there for me. Whereas there's no avenues for us. Right.
Yeah. Like I said, that I know of, if you know something that I don't know.
The hotline of BIND, right? That's a great hotline.
So, you know, like I said, the research, I think, I think it's like they only started from my understanding, and I do a lot of reading, is 2004 is when they really started initiating the aspect of the science of brain injury. So it's still fairly, I mean, fairly new in the field, you know, in studies of brain injury, so.
I guess we're all involved in saving the president. Like you said, you're still working on your recovery. It's ongoing. You know, everyone has, you've got OT, PT, physical rehabilitation and all different kinds. But like, so when you leave the hospital, do you go back for outpatient? Can you continue to go somewhere to get help?
Well, um, it all depends on, I found out it all depends on, like with everything else, who you know and what, you know, as far as what little Programs or whatever little things you can get to help you with your recovery. Um, like it took me, um, I think I was in to my recovery seven, eight, nine years before I found BIND, you know? So, you know, so I don't, like I said, I don't know any really places that you can really go to get the help that, that we need.
Did you have like a physical therapist or an occupational therapist or speech therapist?
I had all that for a time but it got to be frustrating for me because the help that I was getting it's like I'm not ignorant I'm you know some of the help right I couldn't do it it was like I don't know how anybody else took it it's like was beneath me I'm like this ain't what I'm this ain't brain help this is it dick this is Get away from it. I mean, I'm just saying, it was like, the help that they offered, it had nothing to do with helping me recover.
So it was more frustrating that I wasn't going to subject myself to a questionnaire of some ignorant, you know, I just couldn't do that. If this is what you think, I mean, I can read and I can understand that this ain't helping me. You just insulting me with this, these questions you're asking me. So a lot of times I was frustrated with the recovery of brain injury. Yeah, I think. They made me feel stupid as opposed to trying to help me. You asked me an insulting question.
I ain't say I was retarded. You said I had brain injury. You know, I suffer from headaches. I can't sleep. Yeah. Things like that. I can read a word, you know. Don't give me some question here with a bunch of stupid. Something. It was insulting to me, my recovery. Yeah. Because I think they, they gave you more stuff that. I don't know. I guess they might've thought it was helping, but I guess with them not having any information on brain injuries, they don't know what to ask you.
And I took it offensive. You know, this ain't helping. This just make my head hurt more. You keep asking me these dumb questions. And so yeah, I think it didn't really work for me to doing the recovery. I was like, like they told me, they said, um, when I got out for 18 months, they told me I'd had to be in a house. And, Go through this and all these discovery. After six months, I couldn't take it anymore and I quit going.
I couldn't go and answer another, somebody sit up and gimme a questionnaire of dumb questions and you want me to answer this like I'm a kid. Oh, is this box, is this a square? Is this, come on man. What that got to do with me, me having a brain injury? So a lot of that stuff.
Yeah, I think everyone's recovery is a little different, but I also like right now and you're saying that you're getting very frustrated Isn't that something similar to you carry that you just were like didn't like certain therapist and it's just yes Every therapist has to be very different and like kind of like fixed towards the person that they're dealing with, right? I think that's true.
Mostly the neurologist got on my nerve, you know You know, I mean he was just doing his job or they were doing their job But And I guess that's what they want to make sure that you're recovering. And I couldn't follow them, but I was just, just for me, it just, it was frustrating and it was, yeah, couldn't take it. And I've noticed since the brain injury, I have no tolerance, you know, for a lot of stuff. Right.
So. So for, um, you mentioned also that after like seven, eight years, you didn't start coming to BIND. So is BIND what you consider it as the best way to recover?
Right. Yeah, well, BIND helped me tremendously. It let me know that, like, like a lot of times when I went to the doctor and I would tell the doctor what I was going through, they would look at me like, well, you look, you look, you look healthy, you look this. And, you know, looks are deceiving, because you never know what's inside, just like with anything. Right. You judge something by how you see it, not necessarily what it is, you know what I'm saying? So, um. Uh oh.
And then this is what I suffer from. Welcome to brain injury where you can totally lose your train of thought. And that's absolutely true. Anybody help me with what I was saying?
Yeah, of course. So we were talking about how BIND has helped. Sorry. No, it's okay. It happens.
No, it totally does happen. I'm sorry.
That's a perfect example, right? I totally lost it though.
It's okay. We were just talking about how BIND has helped you with your recovery.
Okay, yeah. Yeah, before BIND. Um, like with the doctor, I got it now, uh, with the doctors, I would go and tell them what I was suffering from. And they would look at me like, sir, you get back your vitals, you get healthy and this and that. And I tell them, man, I could be talking and I can get, I can be thinking of something right, right. Okay. I'm going to get you to get something. And before I get up, I forgot what I was going to get. Literally. I'm talking about, I had to sit down.
And think five, ten minutes, oh, I was going to get there. Go in the kitchen and sit there and stare and think about what it is that I was actually going to get. So, but just brain injuries are different for everybody and no recovery is the same and I think you're only good if you sleep that night. I mean, you know, like I want to take a job, but like, The thought of having a job, my anxieties go up and everything. Why I ain't gonna do that to myself? Why?
Like, I got the chills just thinking about it. I mean, I'm just saying. And I don't want to go through the failure. Right. I don't want to go through the mental anguish. And, and, it's just, I don't know.
But coming to BIND, you feel like you're accomplishing stuff.
Yeah, but BIND, BIND, BIND is, you guys are my foundation. I mean, it's like, Just knowing, just not being able to come in the last 18 months is just terrible, you know, every week. I mean, I was only doing a couple days a week, but then we're like the best two days. I mean, you look forward to it. Right.
Yeah, of course. And I feel like you've been actually, since I've met you, you've been super successful. The kitchen, you're like awesome at that part. Like, you know, right now you were saying how sometimes you forget, but I, I wouldn't even know that until like right now that I heard you, right? Because You're like very successful at that part, making sure that all of us have a great lunch. Right. And, you know, so I love that. So do you like cooking everywhere?
Uh, yeah, I enjoy cooking. You want me to tell the truth? I rather cooking. Yeah. I love the truth. Okay. Kind a funny style. So I rather cook it than someone else. Right. I could see what's going on. But no, I all, all, honestly, I, I enjoyed cooking. I was raised with a family that had a restaurant so. I've been around cooking my whole life, so yeah.
Well, that's what I love about BIND is when you cook. Well, thank you. So, just letting you know. Thank you. Is there any other, um, activities that you like about BIND that's been helping you so much?
Uh, camaraderie, being around you guys. I think it helps just knowing that you're not the only one. And that, that helped me more than anything.
Like I said, when Uh, before BIND, I would go to the doctor and tell them, and they would tell me, like, you look normal, you did this and this and that, and I would tell them what I was suffering from, and like, because they don't know much about brain injury as they should, so it was like, I'm telling them something, and he's like, they're not believing me, but once I got to BIND and talked to everybody, and I was like, Time it feels good to know that I ain't crazy and everyone, someone else
is going, you know, what I'm feeling, you know, it's felt by someone else with the injury because they'll have you thinking, are you really, am I really hurt? Or am I really going through this? And I'm like, yeah, I am. But they have you questioning your own self sometimes because they don't know how to analyze it. And then literally they don't because it's something new. And I've, I've been passed around.
To so many neurologists and just like when I first, um, had the injury, they gave you a lot of different drugs and they try all these things on you until they get something that works. And you just have to go through so much with the injury until you find a medium somewhere where you can just find the equilibrium with it, you know. So I quit trying, I quit caring about what people think. I, you know, I just, You know what? I hope for a good night's sleep.
If I can just go to No, y'all laugh, but I'm serious. If I can just go to sleep, I'm satisfied. Yeah, it makes sense. You know, cause, I mean, I don't sleep.
Right. Well, you seem to have a pretty positive attitude about your recovery and everything.
Yeah, and I learned that too. You know, I could have felt sorry for myself. You know, like, I can't drive. Cause I, I can't. I'm blind in this eye. And I suffer from what they call deaf perception. I mean, I can see you until you start moving and I can see you moving, but I can't judge the distance when you're moving. And for years, it took 12 years for a doctor to tell me what I was suffering from. So I went to an eye doctor and she said, you got what we call deaf perception.
And she explained it. I was like, yeah, that's what I'm going through. And you know, I went to eye doctors and all doctors and no one could tell me. They just say, well, you should be able to drive. And every time I tried to drive, I almost killed myself. Oh, that's scary. You know what I'm saying? And then finally found out that what I read about deficits is you can see it. And when it's moving, you can't judge it. Right. I mean, you can see it. You just can't judge the distance. Right.
You know, it's coming. Like I know that it's coming, but I can't tell how close it is and therefore I'm, uh, I'm not able to drive. But I found I could ride a bike. Really? Yeah, well to sit on the sidewalk so I don't get in the street. Right. Like that. But I mean I had to do something. I can't, like I played college basketball. I can't play basketball because I can't see straight. Scared to get poked in the good eye, you know, because I ain't got but one and I try to work with that.
Yeah, I think it's like a great example of how you're so positive. Last time that we were here at BIND, right now like you said, I can't drive, but I can ride a bike. That's exactly like how I feel about you when I saw you and I met you here at BIND. We worked on um, a project about making a collage of like all the positive, and I You use only these great words that we kept finding and I think that's one thing that really shows about like how recovery Goes for you.
It might not have been X, Y, or Z before ending up at BIND, but this has been like Amazing,
right? It's great for me. Yeah. Yeah, and far as I mean it is what it is. You could actually Beat yourself up or try to make what it is better and you know? Right. And that's what they told me about recovery. They always said that, how are you so positive? Because it ain't gonna change, whatever. So what I'm gonna sit up and say, oh, whoa, man. Right. I ain't going to be able to do this. And I mean, it is just, I know what I can do exactly. I can't do and I just do what it do. Stay positive.
Try to treat people properly. Keep it moving.
Well, Bernard, we appreciate you coming today and we appreciate your positive attitude here at BIND and keeping us all encouraged.
Thank you so much. Is that off?
No. Almost, but thank you so much.
Thank you guys for having me.
Yes, thank you so much Bernard for coming. Um, but for everyone else, this was our second episode of what happens after a brain injury. I hope you guys loved it and just make sure to stay in contact with us for our third episode that's coming up real soon.
Thank you. Be blessed.
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