Instrumental
Hi, I'm Kezia. Yeah, I'm a brain injury survivor and a member of BIND.
And hi, I'm Carrie, a stroke survivor, and a member a BIND as well.
And today we're here with our great friend. Um, and I do have something to say right before we introduce you guys. So at Brain Injury Network, we have a saying of like once a member, always a member. And today we have a member who hasn't been here in some time. That's why we're super excited to have him here. Um, but his name is Chris and he is actually a stroke survivor. And obviously, like I just said a good friend.
Um, he has decided after a couple of years being here as a member to do some volunteer work with heritage farm in Plano, and just give back to the community. He has two pretty cool, uh, kids. Who are currently. Uh, pursuing their doctoral in the medical field. They have a, and I think that's pretty cool. So they have Abigail, who's currently doing her occupational therapy. And Alec who's in medical school.
So today, Chris is actually here for a special reason, which has us after a stroke survivor. How is it going back to driving? So welcome, Chris. Thank you. Yeah. Welcome Chris.
Welcome to BINDWAVES, the official podcast of the Brain Injury Network of Dallas. I'm Brian White, BIND's Executive Director. On each episode, we'll be providing insight into the brain injury community. We'll be talking to members and professionals regarding their stories and the important role of BIND's Clubhouse. We work as a team to inspire hope, community, and a sense of purpose to survivors, caregivers, and the public. Thank you for tuning into BINDWAVES.
BINDWAVES Let's get on with the show.
So some of us in other words Carrie. Knows a little bit more about you then I do. And obviously our guests. So, can you tell us a little bit about you and also just your a minimum series of like your stroke story.
Yeah. Um, yeah, I had a ischemic stroke. Um, Yeah, it started with a. Unbeknownst to me, it started with a dental appointment and then I developed a heart infection. And then after I had the stroke, they, uh, they said, Hey, when's the last time you went to the dentist? And I kept asking, why are you asking that? And they said, well, here's the deal. We did these scans.
You've got endocarditis and that's developing a heart infection and you threw a clot to your brain and they said the only way you get endocarditis is IV drug use or dental. Yeah. You know, whatever. The dental intervention and they said, we can tell you're not an IV drug user. Oh, yeah. Well, that's good. That's true. And then I, then, you know, in retrospect I noticed I had a TIA. Like two weeks earlier, I went to the doctor and they thought. They thought it was something else.
Cause it just, I, you know, I had vision problems. They said, well, maybe you're just coughing too much. And it turns out the coughing was due to the heart infection. So it was like, it was a big. You know, there, there's very difficult to find, you know, without doing a bit of scans and things and nothing really warranted that. So then, uh, right after my stroke, I was, I couldn't speak for about, uh, about a year. And then I I still, that that was not almost exactly nine years ago.
Uh, I'm still, I still have a paralysis on my right side. I've got like a line from my, top of my head to my toes. Um, and my, the feeling is either not there or it's a muted. Um, and then I, uh, I didn't have ah, any movement on my, my lower right arm. Like my hand didn't recall or anything. And then one day maybe like 18 months later, I woke up and my hand worked which was crazy cause most of my my brain injury friends, you know, the recoveries are totally different. Like everything.
You know, there's every strokes different everybody's. You know, expectations are definitely different. Um, with the exception of time, cause it's always. You know, much shorter than you want it to be. You know, like you're, you're, you know, you're always thinking, oh, this has gotta be, you know, I want to get that fixed now, but that, you know, you know, sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't, um, Then I'm trying to think. When I, when I did my rehab. I did it at, now it's called.
I don't know what it's called. It was Excel back then. And it was in Plano and they mentioned BIND to me. And they'd mentioned all these different, uh, people that I, then once I joined. I got to know them, but it was funny when. The case worker there was explaining, they said, Hey, you know, You might go see these people. And at that time, you know, fresh out of my stroke. I thought.
Well, I'm not going to have time to do that because I'm going to be working, you know, like, I'm going to be working, you know, the next day. You know, I thought that for, probably a year and a half. I just thought, oh my gosh. You know, like, and even in the ICU, I thought. But this was like on a Friday when I had my stroke in the. I thought, boy, you know, Monday it's gonna be really difficult because my arm doesn't work. I'm going to have to type. With my everything with my left hand.
And, you know, I didn't even know that I couldn't speak. 'cause in my head. I could speak. But my wife told me that I sounded like the, uh, the chef on the Muppets. And I was like, uh, You know, because I knew when people looked at me like, okay, something's weird here. Right? Um, So that part was very strange, you know? Cause then, then I don't know how I. I came to come, come here though, too BIND. Cause I remember. Showed up the first day. I remember seeing there's probably about.
There are only like eight people there, I think, or so, and most of them are still around. And is it in, it was really. It was really nice because everybody has that same background. They can relate to things. Um, yeah. You know, you could, everybody's a little, uh, guarded. But they're not so much anymore. I think that helped quite a bit because I'm not that way. And I've been asked questions like about, you know, their medications or how things are going.
And I know people felt really weird answering those. But it really helped because then everyone started to discuss things. It's like, you know, this is how, how you can help each other, you know? And it was, it was really, really good, but.
Do
you
think I was guarded.
Uh, maybe not, but I mean, yeah. But it is funny though. It was, remember, I had just thought. Well, because I remember specifically talking about like, uh, anti depressants. And they said. And, you know, everybody's kind of afraid to even mention that they were on them. And I thought, oh my gosh, you know, that's like, I was literally the only one, not on them. 'cause I go, that's a standard. You know, prescription once you're, you know, once you've had an injury like that.
And even my, and I eventually I did get on them then back off of them. But my doctor said that he goes, you know, he goes, I have like 50 people in your situation. They're either like terminally ill or they had, brain- brain injuries or they have, you know; Tragic situation that they said, you're the only one that's not on them. And he said, and this, this really struck a chord with me. He said, they're not for you. They're for your family. Yeah. And I said, wow. When you said that, all right.
I'll, I'll start. And it really, it did work really well, but I I've since weaned up weaned off of him. And other than. Other than the, uh, uncontrollable, crying every now and then. I'm on I'm okay with that. But then, uh, then, uh, he was getting back to this topic. Um, My primary care physician. Who's just phenomenal. I've ha I had him. I've had him for like, Almost 30 years, like a long time. Right out of, out of medical school. I ha I started going to. And he told me, um.
You know, after I had my stroke, he said, you know, I could take your license or hold it. He goes, but I just need, it's going to be difficult if I do take it because you'll have to get an ID. There's just administrative problems with that too. And he goes, and he doesn't know at that point, if you're ever going to be able to drive again or not, but he knows it's difficult to. To retest and get one. And so he. You know, he said that, you know, while you can.
You can keep your license, just do not drive. And I said, okay. And I was being, I was honest. Yeah, I would definitely. Follow that advice because I didn't feel comfortable. At all, because I didn't have the feeling on my right side because even then I thought. Man, I'm going to have to drive with my left foot. My car is not made to do that.
Yeah. I think that like, everything that you're saying right now, it's really important because it's important to be able to relate to certain things. Right. Like right now, a lot of the things that you are saying are things that I was thinking about. Like, You know, my right arm to like randomly decided to start working. And like, I still don't feel certain a part of my fingers, but I do about the other ones. It's very confusing.
And also being able to relate to like what we're saying, and that's why we thought it was so important for you to come in here. Um, because you are driving now and you shared so much about your story to tell us, like, you know, everything that like you had to go through and like, How it, your thoughts, like even right after the stroke, And you're like, oh wait, now I can't do this.
It's also a little different to me because like when I go out places and talk, and I know I didn't want to drive right away, but one of the first questions new survivors ask is, well, when can I drive again? So that was going to be my question to you. When did you say, okay, I'm going to drive again. Like how long did you wait? I waited a couple hours because I had the left neglect. And I was scared. I was gonna hit the curb on the left side.
You know, that's interesting you to ask that because. You know, it's, it's so scary to not be able to drive. And you know, when. When elderly people get their licenses revoked or the parents, you know, are the kids, I mean, take their license away. It's such a lack of freedom, and; and it's so difficult in this country, you know? To handle that because we just don't have the transportation. So I, that part was very difficult. Cause I, Uber to everywhere is really expensive to do that.
You know, even to here, it's like, blocks away from my house. And I thought, oh my gosh, you know, to Uber this every time. And my, my hospital was really close. Same thing. I just, uh, Yeah, but, you know, I. Right or wrong. I reasoned, you know, there's a lot of really bad drivers out there. So in at my worst, I'm still not the worst driver. But, but I, I did, uh, I waited. I would say probably about a year and a half. And it was mainly. I want to be comfortable. You know, walking with a cane.
I wanted to, um, Be comfortable like a. My right arm still didn't work very well. So I really shifting gears, you know. That wasn't very difficult, but using like a blinker. You know, or, or the, um, Turning the lights and stuff on the right side of your steering wheel is very difficult because I have to reach over starting the car. I couldn't do it with my right hand.
I mean, there's, it's interesting because there's so many things that is like, like, and now, you know, even, I don't really drink much with my right hand because it just doesn't work that well. And so like driving. I can lift something from my, my cubby, but I don't, I just don't have the dexterity or the, you know, like the balance. Like I can't carry something with water on it in it, or it'll be spilling everywhere.
Um, so then like the other one, like when Carrie mentioned the left neglect, um, I still find it a little difficult at times. I feel like I'm hugging the. The left side, even when I'm not, you know, and I've really noticed that cause it's like it. When I'm moving, it feels like, um, That cars are closer than they are. Um, so I, I really try to concentrate more on. You know, looking ahead and your lane position. Um, and if anything, I'm really more aware to. Where I used to be more.
You know, just a second nature driving. You know, Decision-making stuff. And now I think about it ahead of time, quite a bit. And with, with you. And I've really never. Been an accident, uh, until today someone hit me from behind. Yeah, it wasn't bad, but I was like, oh, but now. Everybody stopped. So it's like, It was not a big deal at all. But it is funny, but that we are going to discuss this and I got hit and I was like oh wow.
Um, but you got hit. You didnt hit somebody..
And it was. You know, I don't even think I'm going to get it fixed. So it was like so minor, but. But that's where, you know, we didn't really have the phone stuff, like right. Yeah. When that happened too. So it wasn't, you know, people weren't texting for sure. You know, it was like, I mean you could, but just people weren't, it wasn't the same way.
Yeah. I think it's great there right now that you listed some of your challenges that you like you've been up until now that you're facing, but like, were you able to go through like rehabilitation for someone to identify those difficulties? Like, or maybe some kind of program to drive again? Um, were you able to do that?
I looked into that actually, um, I did call the DMV and a department of transportation. And I asked them specifically, I said, you know, here's my situation, you know, I. I want to start driving again. My license is valid. Do I need to re retest and they told me. I called many times and they said, Yeah, you don't need to do that. And, uh, they do have like at Baylor in Dallas, they have a, a return to drive program. I looked at that it was like, that one was little.
um, It's really expensive for one. And I was like, I just didn't feel like, you know, I, for what they did, I didn't really need that. You know, I was more, uh, were worried more about like, uh. Honestly, I felt more worried about breaking. Yeah. And accelerating because I didn't have much. You know, Mo much feeling in my right side. So I like. So that was the most difficult part is, um, just without that feel. You don't know. You know, you, you stop more suddenly.
Accelerate a little more, you know, So it's getting a feel for that rather than. You know, I guess if you had a stick shift, which obviously you couldn't do that in my situation, but you'd be used to. Even using your left foot more. Right, right. 'cause I didn't even do that. I didn't use it to brake brake or anything. I just, I didn't feel comfortable doing that.
Okay, well, I'm going to take a quick little break and remind our listeners to go ahead and click that like button, that share button. And if you're watching on YouTube, don't forget to hit notify. So I just keep on listening. But I am going to asks I work. Can I do it? Cause you, you said you're right side is affected. And my left side was affected. So I did not need any car modifications I can break and accelerate with just my right foot. No issues there.
But so you didn't have any car modifications because I know there are modifications that it can take away the right accelerator and.
Yeah, we, we had a. Uh, another BIND friend that had. Uh, pedal and then another one had arm or hand throttle, and break and, uh, no, I really didn't need any of that. Um, I didn't even know that existed really until. I saw that in people's cars. But yeah. You know, I, I wondered about that. Like now I probably would have, I would have gotten the accelerator and the brake. You know, modified just cause uh; They took awhile to really to feel like.
You know, I didn't, I. I was afraid of like, going through the garage door or, you know, jumping the curb. You know, things like that. Cause its just, the field's not there. Um, And then, you know, driving, like, I, I felt. Uh, you know, I still have endurance and stuff that we drive to like Nebraska and Kansas and it, you know, it'd be a 12 hour drive. I could still drive like, three- four hours at a time. I wasn't. That part wasn't really a big issue. Um, And also you don't like the highway.
You know, if you have space, it's fine. But you know, we are in mid middle, middle of a very large city. Yeah. The traffic it's like. You know, there's no two lane roads, everything's a three lane road. So it's, that's tough, you know, that.
Yeah, I stay in the middle lane till it's time to turn.
Yeah. Awareness thing is like, that was rough. Like
Yeah. And I think that, like what you're saying, a lot of the things that you're seeing as something that like I can relate with because. I don't drive and I've had like, um, I've been with my struggle with like what almost six years. Well, I think it is six years ago now that I think about it. But my thing is like the end, like the independence here in Texas, it's necessary to drive because there is no transportation around here that's very, well, like it's. I'm from Chicago.
So like my transportation in Chicago was like everywhere and I didn't need to drive. So then after a stroke and I have to move over here, it was like, and really, I didn't know that. That I needed to pass certain things. So I had the stroke at 28, my license expired, like everyone's at 30. And then I didn't renew my license. And now I'm in the situation where like now I have to take an examiner. I have to do all of this. And I think most of my limits are my registry. Right. My own mentality.
Right. Because I also had the limits of seizures, so I couldn't (drive) legally after three months, I think, or 90 days, something like that. After a seizure.
Yes. But then that I have seen that. Yeah. Or if you've blacked out. Or yeah. Your injury, if you're a brain injured and you; you blacked out. That's different.
Yeah. And I just didn't know, like I'm like, okay, well, after I've had so many seizures, like, okay, I can drive now, but mentally I was like, that's not right. Like, I feel like what if it were to happen again? And. You know, but now it's been some time now it's been like, uh, my own, I think now two years since I have a seizure. So like mentally that's my limitation right.
And I think it's really great for you to be sharing your, like, you want to drive, but you're like, wait, how am I going to do this on my left side? How am I going to. I think that's really good to do that. Um, and also how cars are being modified. I didn't know that either. And it's really great to be hearing that. Other people are getting their cars modified to be able to continue with their individuality and like their independence. That's the word I wanted to use.
So much of that, like you were saying, the confidence. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's tough cause. You know, I even tell that my family, like when. Because they, they have me drive all the time. I go, okay. If, if there's anyone to not drive, it should be me. But they are always worried about me being the backseat driver and telling them what to do. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, like, I'm more worried about, like you said, you know, what if.
But if I see something different or I don't I'm, I'm not worried about sleep; I've never had a seizure, but, uh, But, you know, just the cognitive issue.
Right. Well, that was one of the things I was going to ask was, did you have any pushback from your family when you decided to start driving? Were they concerned about, no, we don't want you to, we don't think it's a good idea. And now they're like, oh yeah, you drive all the time. Were they concered at the beginning.
No, because I think my kids were like in high school. And so I think they would rather, like my son was driving on his own. My daughter could drive, but she'd rather have me drive, like to practice. And I thought, oh my gosh, you know, like, I'd really have you rather have you drive, but then of course, then she couldn't text her friends while she's driving. So I think that was their main reason.
But, uh, yeah, I mean, I, you know, it's funny cause I had a, uh, fellow, uh, Soccer parent that drove me to practice for like two years. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I felt so sorry. So grateful for her that the end of the same night that, oh my gosh, you know, like, Just out of the goodness of her heart. I just thought, oh my gosh, I can't believe she did that. Um, yeah. To this point, I'm like, wow.
Yeah. I think, um, I've like I said, six years now. I have. I've lived through both situations. My family was like, no, no, no, no, no. You're staying with me, which I understood. So like I had a lot of seizures, like now you're seeing with me 24- 7, I will drive you everywhere. But now, you know, now I've had two years where I don't have a seizure and now I'm starting to have that mentality. I feel terrible asking.
Yes. Yeah. It's that is really interesting because, you know, even. I felt that way in the ICU, like. They are treating. They're doing stuff for me and I've remember. Like, I just remember making my bed. You don't have to make your bed. I'm thinking. I know, but I just feel guilty. That's amazing how people get in that, that mode.
Yeah. To help, but also it's also necessary to learn how to ask for help to, right. I think that's good.
Well, it's different too. Like you're saying, like, Dallas is definitely not a city to walk it. Um, you know, and I mean, there's only. There's really only, maybe like four cities, not even that there's probably three cities. You. You know that you can walk in and live without a car. Yeah. And that's. You know, it's just, it's the U.S. isn't set up that way.
And it's, and it's something that we definitely have to work on for sure. I do. I really appreciate everything that you have shared so far about your experience. Um, I was just wondering, what kind of advice would you like to share with either brain injury survivors that are just, you know, out or, or caregivers and loved ones to know about like this step about going back into driving?
Um, you know, Take your time, take your time, get, get advice like you were saying, you know, like, Ask your ask your kids, uh, your parents, you know, your anybody that's available. Take, you know, have them take you out to parking lot and try to drive before you. You know, even attempt the road cause. And, you know, park, you know, do everything cause. There's no way to know if things are going to work, unless you try.
Yeah. You know, and so if there's something for you that you need to work on. It's better to try it until you've perfected it.
So. It's totally true. And Chris, we do really appreciate you being here. And I just want to let our listeners know that we're going to have a couple of series on returning to driving. We will have some professionals come and talk to us as well, so that we can learn more about car modifications and programs that are available when you're getting ready to return to driving. Because I know there's, weren't there wasn't a lot available for me either.
So we really appreciate you being vulnerable to kind of share your story us.
Anytime. Anytime
We're going to take that for a series. Yes, but thank you so much, Chris, for being here. And I also just want to thank our listeners and all of you guys to be logging on every Thursday to listen to us and to hear us out and all the experiences, um, make sure to just continue, uh, hanging out with us on Thursdays in your favorite platforms.
Again, and as always, don't forget to click, like, share and subscribe on all your favorite platforms. So you don't miss out on an episode. Until next time.
until next time.
We hope you've enjoyed listening to BIND Waves and continue to support BIND and our non profit mission. We support brain injury survivors as they reconnect into the life, the community, and their workplace. And we couldn't do that without great listeners like you. We appreciate each and every one of you. Continue watching. Until next time. Until next time.