Hello and welcome to Big Gay Energy. I'm Caitlin. And I'm Fiora. Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of queer media. Representation matters, and we're. Here to talk about it. Cheers queers. Today we are talking to John Solis who worked on the documentary Speaking Out. He was the director of this wonderful documentary touching on some really great subjects, but we'll get into that soon. Welcome to the podcast, John. Thank you, Caitlin.
Thank you everyone. Thank you. So annoying. It's it's it's, it's nice being here. I'm excited it's finally out. So we did our premiere June 1st. So obviously like it was like a little bit of releasing it into the world and see what it does. But I'm hoping it gets to, I mean, like I said, more than anything creatively, I think I wanted to do its rounds for cinematic purposes as well as, you know, more creative jobs.
But more than anything, that it gets into the right hands and into the right viewers in order for them to kind of, I don't know, I just feel like there's a lot of people out in the world that need some healing, you know, and everyone goes through a journey. So I'm hoping you know whoever gets to see it, it kind of takes a little bit to to go that healing path. Absolutely. And you know, we all, we all could use some healing like
you're saying. For for those that are listening at home who may not know or be familiar with the documentary, can you let them know what speaking out is about? Yeah, Speaking Out is a documentary on sexual assault, rape and suicide, and it gathered 3 brave gentlemen who is Jose Ramos, Rigg Rush and Charlie Harding. And they talk about their stories and what, you know, for each of them it's very different.
You know, with with Rig, it was a long period of time, you know, abuse more mentally throughout his family and religion that it kind of pushed him to try to even think or maybe, you know, attempted suicide with Charlie, a drink was put on him 20 years
ago and he and he he was raped. And you know, it took him 20 years to kind of gather all the information where everything flooded back and then realized that he needed to to do something about it. And with Jose, it happened in a more short term like scenario and it was like a one night happened, which technically had happened in San Francisco.
And, and he says that basically like after that, it was just kind of everything just happened so quick that it took him about, he says that it took him about like a year to kind of realize that he actually needed to get help and do something about it 'cause it was eating him up. So I mean, they're brave stories. The, the, they're, they're sometimes harsh in the sense that as a society we don't maybe wanna hear details sometimes of it.
But I think when we created Speaking Out, I felt like we needed those details to be told in order to bring uncomfortable conversations up, you know? Yes, I definitely. I love when films have like a bigger motivation than just the film, like trying to make a difference basically. And it was very beautifully done. How did the idea for Speaking Out come about? Actually it's, it's really funny and kind of extensive in the sense that 2019 originally the project was gonna be a complete
different documentary. We were gonna do something on the timeline of the LGBTQ, where they were, where they were then and where they are now. And I, I gathered my team, we were getting information and, and as we were trying to do the timeline, we came with a common denominator that the LGBTQ always has something in common. And that is we fight, we fight, fight, fight for whatever the reason is.
We're always fighting for something, whether it's for gay marriage, whether it's for equality, whether it's to and AIDS, whether it's just like we're always constantly trying to fight, you know, a small battle. And even now I think, you know, we're, we're still fighting like certain scenarios. But we did all the research and I think it was like towards the end of 2019, we got axed by by the producers who actually produced speaking out. And it was for various of things.
It was for HBO bringing out equal I think it is, which is a four part documentary, which is beautifully done as well. And so I was a little bummed out, to be honest. As a creator, I was like, what now, right? I and, and time was happening and I think the beginning of 2020, we got shut down. We all got put in a box and we're like, do not move. So everything was just so uncertain, you know, life wise, creative wise, we just, we didn't know where we were standing.
And I remember that we sat in a meeting and Michael Weinstein, who is the AHF founder or, and president of, of AHF, he came into the Zoom and we were all very much like in PJS and, you know, like and, and T-shirts, which were just funny about it 'cause that's what the pandemic brought. You know, we would take those Zooms and just whatever clothes
we had. So not that I didn't take it seriously, it was just more the fact that I was kind of shocked there was so many people talking about what was gonna be happening with the documentary. And Michael came in and said we should talk about trauma. And I think my body went into a little bit of a shock and I, I started kind of shipping out. Obviously didn't want to like tell them anything, but I was
very against it, to be honest. I was like, yeah, let's pick another subject, you know, or trauma could live over there and, and I could live over here and we'll all be good. And eventually they were like, no, you know, this is the subject we want to touch about. And then everyone in the Zoom, or at least a very big percentage decided to say, yeah,
I think this is a great topic. And originally it was going to be a docu series because they wanted 5 gay men to speak and we wanted to do a docu series on on what it was. But we started talking about it and I, I had a lot of issues trying to grasp onto the subject and I didn't know why, but it wasn't, I think it was sooner than later. I have my own therapist and I, I talked to her and I said, hey, they changed my subject. And I was very mad as a
creative. I was like, no, you know, I already had the research like we should, we should stick to that. And she stopped and said, could you maybe be a little bit afraid of what it's gonna bring up in you? And, and I paused, you know, and I said, oh shit, you're right. You know, I'm scared to talk about it because I myself went through a very huge trauma scenario that I dealt for for 20 years. And so I was against it because
I didn't want to face myself. You know, I, I was still very early in my age to actually confront it. I mean, in my healing, my healing journey to confront it. And I talked about it with friends. I had, you know, the emotional part of it. And then I had the work aspect of it where we had to keep going with the project. And so I was having like an like an internal battle of like, should I just give it up to someone else? Should I, should I keep on
working on it? And once I grasped onto the subject, and once I understood that it had a lot to do with me as well, I ended up getting a little bit more enamored by what this project was. And creatively, I think that's when my creative juices started to flow and started saying, OK, how can I hear stories that could be off the wall?
And how can I put these interviewees in a set that is, that brings peace and comfort and that they're able to speak out to the camera without being judged, without being, you know, feeling anxious. And I remember that I told somebody I was like, I think we should create a set with some lamps. And the reason behind with the lamps is that on top of that, each lamp we got at a thrift store, mainly we, we went out looking for the lamps.
And so I think one or two were the only ones that we bought somewhat, somewhat new. But the the thing behind it is each lamp had lived in a different house at some point. And the, the shift that they might have seen or that they have gone through, like brought like this metaphor of like, we don't know what the story behind each lamp is. And I think that that's what we were trying to do.
But when we turn on the light on each lamp, like there's a little bit of hope and that's what the light represents. You know, there's like a light at the end of the tunnel. So I wanted to create that for the interviewees. I wanted them to sit down. And I think with that started coming up more on how we were going to do the re enactments and how we were actually going to put it together.
I ended up hearing, you know, about 150 stories, you know, these, these, these three gentlemen 'cause originally there were five, Like I said, we, we still have two stories that we have on the back burner, but these three gentlemen were not the first ones. You know, we listened to a lot of stuff tapes. And that's when I was like, oh, I guess I'm not alone, you know, 'cause during my trauma, I think that's what I thought I was like, I'm the only one that's
going through this. Nobody else is going through shit. Like nobody went through what I went through. So my mind to see all these people come out and try to talk about what they had gone through, whether it was at a during childhood or, you know, during their teenage years. And then it also surprises that a lot of people and their adult lives had gone through trauma. And, you know, that's when you're supposed to have more control of your life. You know, as an adult, you know,
you're supposed to do that. So I think that's when it how it all came together. You know, at that moment, we knew that we just had to push through. But like you said, Kaitlyn, I didn't want to go the typical documentary routes. We wanted to beautifully tell it, you know, visually. And I have ADP who like I'm infatuated to work with. I've worked, I worked with him in about three small projects before we jumped into the
documentary. And I mean, as you guys have seen his, his photography and his vision, you know, is also I'm that type of person where I'm like Keelan and he's like, I got you, but I haven't said he's I know what you're thinking. And then I get to to it and then I see it and I'm like, you get my vision and you know, you're enhancing whatever creative
juices you are. So bringing it, bringing that, that type of team into the whole thing was also very important for me. And obviously it was reflected in the documentary, you know, and now that it's done, but that's how that's how speaking. I was pretty much born. I was born through pandemic and through a matter of conversations that are more like at a very uneasy time. I absolutely love the insight about the lamps. Like that story? Yeah, that's what.
A podcast in general loves. Yeah, we, we, or when I say we, but like there was times where I was with a brush painting the sets, you know, but I enjoyed that, you know, like I, I, we picked up lamps. We also picked up branches for the where the therapists at, you know, for the big tree behind it. So there was a lot of like, heart and thought put into every little piece, you know that you guys see throughout the the documentary.
Yeah, it definitely seems like this project not only is meaningful for others, but was very meaningful to you. How How was the process of creating and sharing the documentary? How did that affect you, like personally and professionally? You you mean sharing it now that it's out? Yeah, well, just like going through the creative process and then now sharing it with the world. Oh, well, going through the creative process, like I said, it was, it was a lot of fun
creatively like that. You're, you're talking my language, you know, like anything creative. I'm that type of person. I'm like colors and I'm kind of like Dory in a way. I'm like colors. Oh, here there, you know, like I'm grabbing all kinds of stuff.
But at that time, like I said, I did have a little bit of a battle because it was, you know, I was going through my own journey and then dealing with like working creatively and because of my trauma, did not know if I was actually gonna do a good job with it, even though I knew that creatively I could. But I think, like I said, I think it was halfway. I wouldn't say halfway through it. I think, you know, I, I, I needed to merge, you know, those two things, my trauma and the creative side.
I think once I did I, you know, this is a, there's this analogy that I, that I, that I use the thing with also speaking out is that it was such an ugly project And, and I'll, I'll elaborate on that. So I always say this, I felt for a moment that I had a piece of turret on my hand and I know that's, that, that's makes sense. And because it smelled bad, it was something very raw. It was, you know, just I, I didn't know how to grasp onto it
for a little bit, right. And as we started creatively working on it, I would see like the little flowers blossom, you know, through that piece of turd. And it grew, grew, grew in front of my eyes. You know, there was a point where we had to, you know, ask for a little bit more money for the budget just because of how it was growing. But we weren't hesitant to do that just because we knew from the beginning of how powerful like it was. It was just growing in front of
our eyes. And I think at that moment I realized that it was and it has been my baby. Like it's been I've, I've, I've gone to take care of it, love it. I've learned a lot from it. I also do say that speaking up had a lot to do with my healing, you know, in, in general, like it, it helped me heal and I
think that's so powerful. You know, I think that's why I'm so focused at whoever sees it is going through some stuff that it does help 'cause it ended up helping me, you know, like I'll get into this probably later, you know, with some questions. But I don't have anxiety like as much as I did, you know, when I
was going through my trauma. So, you know, for me, that's like better than $1,000,000 just So what it represents now that it's out, I'm just hoping that it does, you know, that people get to see how I think giving myself credit, how beautifully, you know, I created something with my team.
But I also hope that they appreciate that there's this message underneath all this that people you need, need to start paying attention to, you know, their inner emotions and whatever they're going through, you know, But I really, really have a special, special, special spot for speaking out. I love that you can definitely tell how passionate you are about this project and how meaningful it is to all of you. What were some of the biggest challenges you faced while
making this documentary? I mean, if we're talking production wise, money was, was one like it always is in a lot of productions. Our budget was super low at the beginning. Like I said, our, our budget was 30,000 to start off with. And that went out the door really quick. And so, you know, we started talking to, to people regarding how we could get more money. And then we were a little bit afraid to bring it up to the
producers. And then once we did, you know, they got on board that was, that was one of the, the big ones. The second one, I think creatively is how, where we as a, as a director, I think my, my biggest challenge was how could we tell these stories as raw as possible, but still beautiful enough for people not to walk up and leave the like leave the, the audience or the movie theater, you know, or just just
that. And for the longest times, we just didn't know how we were gonna create that, you know, especially a lot of the rape scenes, you know, or, or, or the sexual assaults. And I spent a lot of time looking at documentaries and I, I, I did a lot of research and how, how it was told in some other ones. I also one of the biggest documentaries that. That had a kind of like an impact creatively in, in in this in a sense was before I started filming the documentary that
I'll be gone. I'll be gone in the dark, right? I'll be gone. I think I'll be gone in the dark or I'll be gone in the night. It's on HBO. It's about the Golden State Killer, but it's it's told by Michelle McNamara, who is also a writer and she did an awesome book and she's married to Pat Oswald, the comedian, which I was not aware of. But when I saw the documentary, it's such a harsh topic too, you know, and it's very eerie.
And it talks about back in the day when a killer used to hunt its prey and there was no cameras and they, you know, they would lick through windows and you know how they basically were able to create that. But on top of that, I, I'm assuming HB OS producers as well, but they, there was this poetic essence to that whole documentary.
And it's a 6th part or seven part documentary, but it also like showed the survivors and it, you know, and it interviewed them and they conversed about what they went through the emotions, you know, they relived the moment. And so that was kind of impactful when I saw it. And I was like, if I could apply just a little bit of all that to speaking out, I think I think we could. We got something, you know, but challenging.
I think that's what was more challenging to me, you know, besides the money, how to tell people stories and not make them vulgar or grotesque or, you know, nails on a chalkboard where you're like. But but yeah, I think that was the most challenging part of it. Yeah, I, I can definitely see that because like you mentioned at the beginning, just hearing like we're going to focus on trauma. Like the initial response is, oh, do I even want to like dip
my toe into that? But the, the film came out so beautifully because of the angle and the, and the, that you chose to tell it from. And like many of the choices that were made. So when when you were creating the documentary, what were some of the artistic or technical choices you made to ensure like this remained authentic and powerful, like with your vision? Creatively, the first thing I think I came up with was a color palette. I wanted kind of like a vintagey feel to it, you know?
I don't know if you guys got that aspect. Oh yeah, the. TV is for sure the TV like hold that in and the sound like yeah. And I wanted just, and I, I don't know if this is relevant, but like for instance, in the way that I kind of perceived it in a sense and why I chose a little bit of the vintage besides me being fascinated with
a lot of vintage stuff. But I, my trauma happened in 2021. So like I said, it took 20 years to like kind of cleared and I felt that I have grown or so much stuff has happened since, you know, so when they would or with my therapist and, and, and throughout my healing, they would say like, look back at what happened. I would find it like so very far away, you know, like like long, long time ago. And I was like, that's like back in like the 60s and the 80s, you know, and just in my head, it
would bring like that. So I started seeing a lot of vintagey like aspects of it. You know, that's why hence the lamps. You know, I, I, I wanted it with fringe or with a, a certain kind of contrast. And I wanted every single one to be kind of different. The color palette. I wanted to incorporate it with, you know, a lot of like the, the sets, the oranges and like the auburns. And so, you know, creatively, that's, that's how it kind of came, came about.
But I also, like I said, I sat down with Keelin and I talked about, hey, you know, what about, you know, using underwater cameras. You know, that was that was also creatively like something that I wanted to show because of how Rick spoke about water. You know, I didn't know how else we could talk about potentially drowning, you know, and I was very lucky that I did feel like a kid at one point where I was like, I want this camera and this toy.
And, you know, there's sometimes they're like, no, you can't have it. And I was like, but I want it. And luckily they're like, OK, OK, we'll get to the camera. Just stop, you know. But it was, I think creatively, you know, that's how it all came about. It had it's, it's very personal, you know, I think it's very personal to me. I I I think that's that's why the attachment with all this. I'm so glad you got the camera, I would love to see what you could do in general with like an
unlimited budget. Oh my God, I would, I would die. I mean, I, it crosses my mind all the time because, you know, I, I, I've seen speaking out many, many, many, many, many times throughout the editing process from cut one to how it is now. And I would turn around to my editor and I would be like, Jason, if we have this, I guess I'll stop. I'll just stop.
So, you know, my mind could go very, very like, I think, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but you know, they say that dreamers are the best and I'm always like, but we could do this. And you know, like I, I know sometimes I was, I'll say this. I think I was lucky enough for my team to let me play with a lot of the toys that we got, you know, like the underwater camera we shot with, for the
interviews. We shot with two Aries, with two mini Alexas, which never in my wildlife as a creative thought that I would, I would have like too many Alexas. I thought I was just gonna have like A1 Sony kind of camera that was gonna be on set. But when they came in, it was
just I was so fascinated. And then for the reenactments we shot with RED cameras and one of them was like helium 'cause we did some slow MO. So, you know, I had these powerful toys, obviously very costly, but that implemented for me to jump off the charts and do more creative stuff as I went, you know, as I actually went through the whole creative process and I was lucky, you know, with the matches.
We had a micro lens, you know, it was like a very thin lens that could capture, you know, very, very, very, very like close-ups of things that you would you would be doing. And, you know, I was on the ground striking the matches, you know, like for an hour trying to get, you know, perfect shots. And, you know, I got to play with, I mean, I don't know if I there's no production people around the road. You know, we did something illegal with with the fire.
We we got Bacardi 151 and we put it on the table and we lit it on fire. And you know, that was like our kind of rebellious time in that aspect. But you know, sometimes for a fire, you need to have a fire department there and you know, stuff like that, you know that
that supervised. So like I said, I was lucky to have a very controlled environment creatively, but everybody helped me out, you know, the whether it was bringing a lens or, you know, finding a lens or bringing a camera or how about we do this, you know, like everyone was very hands on involved and I can be more, more happier. You're making me jealous. I really want to play with these toys as well. I always wanted to use that. The micro lens. Yeah, Oh my gosh.
It's a lot of fun that we we tested it. I mean, I think at one point we tested it like your typical putting it in the mouth and see how like and then pulling out just to see like where they grabbed from, you know, and there was it was it's interesting. You know, like I said, I two other people, it might not be.
They're like, well, it's just a Lance and like, but once you start seeing what what things could do or what you could do, you know, by by playing with these choice, I I'm fascinated. I like I said, I couldn't be more of a happy camp around that aspect. So like you mentioned earlier, this documentary has reenactments of the stories being told. And with the nature of this material that you're covering, how did you make sure everyone on set felt safe physically and mentally?
Well, for the the interviewees, like I said, one was creating the set with the laughs. And then the other aspect was I, I had a closed set. And I think, you know, that also had a lot to do with with my trauma, because I knew that if I was sitting in a chair in front of our camera, I wanted to be as comfortable, safe. I 0 judgement, you know, from from others. So I first I had a conversation with my team, You know, which this actually comes to play.
I'll tell you guys a very like which I think it's a beautiful like short story, but most of my crew was straight. There were complete straight men, My DP straight, my gaffer was straight and I had AI had a talk with them and I said, hey, like we're gonna start this project, but it's gonna talk about a lot of gay subjects. There's gonna be gay sex in it and not the gay sex that maybe you're used to hearing.
There's rape. There's, you know, we, I, I went down a list and I said, are you guys OK with that? You know, I, I want people who are comfortable with that because I don't want straight people who are just grabbing onto a job just for a paycheck. You know, this, I think this is more, there's more meaning to the whole thing. So everyone was on board and I think, I mean, I forgot, not sure if it was Jose's story or if it was one of the other
stories that we asked. But at one point I was in front of the monitors and I turned to my right and my whole team was crying. There was tears falling. And it's just so powerful, 'cause I, I didn't think that at least in my head that I know this is gonna sound maybe weird, but I just didn't think that sometimes straight people had it, you know, in their mind to see or hear a story and get emotional about someone that went through it. And I just remember tears falling.
And I went up to, to Keelan, who is my DP, and I asked him, I said, hey, he goes. This has nothing to do with any kind of being gay or lesbian. It just has to do with humanity. He goes this this could have happened to anyone, you know. So when I saw that, like I, I knew for a fact that the fact of having a close up and just having the the appropriate team on set and that they were going to be respectful.
And then I also made sure that not necessarily were isolated before, but I kind of kept everyone separate.
Like all the interviews, like I didn't have them all meet at once, you know, like I would have times, for instance, like this interview at 9:00, I had Jose, you know, and at 12 I had someone else, but I didn't have them come in till later because I didn't want them to start mingling and then get, you know, very caught up in the dynamic of what the other person's story was gonna be. So I made sure that they were calm, they were tranquil. They, they came into set.
They were, you know, treated properly, that they ate something before they talk. And we also had 1-2, we had three therapists on set. We have one for that just in case, like, things would go wrong. There was another person who was conducting the interview. There was a therapist. And also just to be able to facilitate, you know, any conversations are diverted from whatever needed. But yeah.
So, you know, we, me and my and my team made sure that, you know, they were comfortably on the chair, that they had a beautiful set to sit on and that there was therapist monitoring, you know, anything that went on. So it was a very, very safe set, you know, for, for, for that sense. On the other aspect for the actors, I talked about it.
You know, we went into very like extensive details of how we wanted to shoot it. We had to show them some reference on how some of the rape scenes, you know, were gonna be kind of re enacted. I also made sure that they felt comfortable, you know, from day one that there was gonna be nudity that we were not gonna have, you know, like a full blown orgy on set. And, you know, they were gonna like not feel comfortable. And so we made sure that professionally everyone was taken care of.
You know, we, we had extensive talks with the actors and, you know, going back to one of your guys's questions, that one, another thing that was very challenging, not the biggest one, but for me was working with a kid and his name's Elijah. And I thought it was going to be insane because I thought I was going to have a 5 year old or six year old running around the set and not being able to control him, you know, and I was kind of worried about that as well.
But this kid is so talented. So, so talented. I felt like I was having conversations with an 80 year old person when I was not parent because he was so focused and he was like, I got you. I don't know if you guys ever seen where Rogue says but I'm gay and they do kind of like a movement, you know, and the transition is over. So I talked to teenager and I said, can you sit down with Elijah and and and ask him if he could mimic you?
And once you guys have it, then you guys let me know and I would film you guys. And I think it was like 5 minutes. A teenager came and he's like, I'm ready. And I was like, hey, did you have a chance? He's like, yeah, he says he's he's good. And in my head I was like, oh God, we're gonna be here for like 3 hours trying to get the
movement correct. And teenager sat in front of the camera and literally Elijah sat on an Apple box and was staring at him and and like right next to the camera. And we're like cut. And so then we're like, hey, Elijah, you need some time to, you know, kind of do the movement. And he said no, hit the record button. I'm ready. I was like, OK, he nailed it on the 1st on the first try. But like his dedication, you know, just not just him. All the actors were very, very dedicated.
You know, I was lucky enough to find some of them last minute. You know, even though we did castings, like Rick's mom came in and we had seen some of her real. And when we put her in certain outfits, you know, and transformed her into the church lady that she was, we were like, we're like, OK, like. And she's just so powerful and. And she's a a beautiful soul, you know?
And for Jose's story, we had Andres and Juan Carlos and we told them since day one, you know, this is gonna be maybe, if not one of the harshest scenes of, of speaking out. And they were, they were fine with it. I think they're very professional with, you know, with what they did and how they did it. Even though we found a very creepy warehouse in Los Angeles that kind of mimicked San Francisco a little bit. And just being on set, you know, you would kind of get the chills
with that. But everyone was very professional. Everyone was very, we made sure that everyone felt comfortable Also, just because we knew, you know, Jose went to some of the scenes, you know, just to see how it was gonna be filmed. And, you know, a lot of people who are not in cinema, when you film, you're filming a lot, you know, obviously a lot of material. And that's not gonna always be the case that it's gonna end up
on screen. But there was moments, you know, that Jose was weary just because also from a person that lived, it was kind of concerned how his story was gonna be told. And we also try to, you know, not just Jose, but everyone like believe, trust a little bit in us.
We are gonna try to get as close as possible, but as beautiful that we could try to re recreate and, and we just, we're not gonna show a dirty aspect of what your trauma is, but instead we're gonna try to reflect something beautiful that came out. And I think once again, those were conversations we had to have with each individual in order for them to build a bit, a bit of trust, you know. And so I think that's, that's the aspect of of of making
everyone like feel safe on set. Yeah, no, definitely. Thank you for sharing all of that. You also mentioned that the film included therapists who are on set. I didn't know they were doing the interviews, but that's really fascinating.
So not only to do that aspect, but they were also interviewed themselves, which provided a good insight into like, the mental health from different perspectives, the person going through the trauma and then, you know, the third party that, like, observes trauma and help people deal with it. How did the contribution of the therapist shape the narrative of the documentary? Well, it, there is more material that we had from the therapist that didn't make it to the final
cut. Like I like, also, like I mentioned, I think during the creative process when I was, you know, doing everything and, and thinking about, about all that, I, it was like when I say going through my healing or the beginning of my healing path, I had several conversations with my therapist and I, I love my therapist. I've been with her for about 6 years now. I just had had a meeting with her yesterday and I'm always fascinated sometimes with everything that she has to tell
me and offer. But I think at that time I was like a sponge to learning about a lot of mental health scenarios. You know, I, I wanted to really, really heal per SE. So I think, you know, for me as a trauma survivor, I wanted to actually listen to what a lot of therapists would say. And I stumbled upon Matthias James Barker, who is one of the therapists in the film. And Matthias has a following on Tiktok.
He has a, a web page for his, for his stuff and he also has his Instagram. But the way he explains a lot of the trauma aspects and the components to it and what someone might need to do, the steps to, to, to kind of start healing caught my attention. And like I said, I think I had dabbled up on like a lot of how to heal yourself or how to begin your healing process. So when I stumbled upon Matthias, I had brought it up to the team and we talked about it.
But I just knew that if we had the aspect of therapist, at one point, I was gonna ask my own therapist to see if she wanted to partake in it. But we ended up with Michael Pasulo, who's also part of Impulse group.
And when I was talking to them, they were giving me so much information about how the mind works and how trauma kinda, you know, is brought into it. And I said if we could incorporate this into, at first, I wanted more, you know, like I said, we have more footage of them and we asked them all these questions. And there was a lot of great questions that that were asked for them. They, they, they gave us such great answers.
But once we actually did the, we kind of restructured speaking out from a docu series to what it is now. We knew that these three stories were kind of the best ones that were tangled up and that would do best for this kind of project. We then narrow it down to just one or two things of how it impacted more than what you needed to do to kind of go through a healing journey.
But nonetheless, I think, you know, therapists, you know, especially like good, good therapists, they have so much knowledge that sometimes as humans kind of, you know, 'cause I've talked to one or two people who are so stubborn on therapy, you know, like where, hey, they're like, oh, therapy's not for me. You know, therapy's not going to help me. Like I'd rather do it on my own or I'll figure out how I'm going to do it.
And not that I'm trying to push therapy in onto people, but I thought that it would also help from finding or from hearing from any professional what they needed to say about trauma and maybe have that debate with themselves whether down the road they could use a therapist or not, you know, But nonetheless, I think it brought a little bit of kind of a lot of input on where trauma and, you know, mental health and these kind of
scenarios help. And we just kind of peppered it in, you know, we, we didn't also wanted to oversaturate it. I think it was great. I love that the ending was just like motivating people to process their trauma and talk about it. How important do you think it is for men or people, especially within the LGBTQ plus community, to speak out about their experiences with trauma and abuse? Big question.
It's a big question and I think it just got me a little emotional because of my own trauma, but I think that it's very important. A lot of people think that coming out is a big aspect of the gay community, but I think that's kind of just a little bit of a mask, to be honest, 'cause it is an important life, I mean, an important piece of their
life, you know, coming out. But what might have happened before, there's a lot of I personally, from what I've gathered, there's a lot of sexual abuse that people don't talk about, whether it's at an early stage of life or whether it's them finding out what sexually they want. And I think we kind of cover ourselves with coming out is gonna be liberated or liberating and our problems are gonna go
away. You know, that's kind of how I view it in the sense we're like, yeah, now we could forget about everything. I'm out and I'm I'm going towards the world. But I think a lot of people in the community have forgotten that they were hurt in the past. And, and it sucks because also just kind of like Jose's story, you know, they could put a blame on you because they're like, oh, you're gay or you're a lesbian. You must be very hypersexual.
You know, you were, you were probably asking for this or that's what happens because you are very a very sexual person. And I think that there's the sexual part of it and then there's emotional part of it. And I know a lot of friends, you know, and I don't pinpoint, but they bottle their emotions and they don't want to talk about it. You know, they, they, they till this day, I know a lot of people in the community that they don't.
So they'd rather recreationally wise use alcohol to cover up their stuff. You know, and, and we see them that there's the the people at the bars who drink a little bit more than than everyone else. And it's not just to drink like there's, there's more to that. Like, you know, they're, they're drowning in their own sorrows per SE, or they're doing drugs to find an escape or they're sleeping around with as many people as possible because they that's a release of their pain.
And I'm no one to judge, but. I think that there is a big problem, problem in the community because I think that they need to heal. And if they want to go on with, you know, drinking or doing drugs or, you know, sleeping around, then they'll find a way of doing it in a more healthier environment than just finding an escape. And I, you know, I, I could say I was guilty of that.
And that's why I said that I guess it was trauma for me. 20 years took a lot, you know, it, it, it, it fucked with my nervous system. It, it, it, it also fucked with the way that, you know, sometimes I would view things. I also victimized myself, you know, and that that took and, and affected a lot of a lot of stuff, but I also did not want to talk to anyone about it, you know, except for one or two of
my close friends. And I was still kind of in a bubble where I was like, if I say something, maybe the person I like, you know, or the guy that I like is not going to like like me because I'm tarnished or I'm tainted. Or if he knows that this happened to me sexually, like our sex life is not going to be, you know, the greatest, you know, those, those things cross not through just my mind. I know for a fact a lot of people in the community that
hold back lots and lots of them. And, you know, I applaud the people that have never gone through trauma because they have, you know, a little bit of an advantage. You know, they, they, they, they, they can, they live their
life a little bit freely. But there's a high percentage in our community that have gone through some crazy shit and they won't talk about it. Yeah, well, that's why we need brave people who are willing to talk about it and share it and then film it in a beautiful way that we can share with so many people. So thank you so much for making this documentary, for sharing your experiences and being vulnerable with us and through the film as well.
Like we really appreciate it that, like you said, this is a, this is a topic some people nail on the chalkboard kind of thing, but it's more universal than I think people are willing to admit. And so thank you for sharing this. Yeah. No, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Well, we have come to the end of our our questions for you, John. We just wanted to thank you again for taking the time to talk to us, for sharing this beautiful documentary with us. So we feel very privileged to be able to watch it. How can our listeners at home who want to support speaking out, support speaking out or connect with you in the project? On the Internet, yeah. So you could follow me on Instagram at John Solis, actor.
That's that's my main page. And now that you know that it's out, I'll probably be publishing on about what it's going to be doing and where it's going. Speaking Out also has a page of Instagram. It's called at Speaking Out documentary. You guys could follow the page.
So I'm pretty sure that they're going to update it with a lot of stuff from the premiere and you know where it's going next and what other what other film festivals it's going to be AT and eventually, hopefully down the road, what platform it might land on and all that stuff. So you guys could be updated on that and then where could be watched at this moment, I don't think it could be watched anywhere just because it's still
doing its rounds. But like I said, just by following the pages, I think it's you guys could could do that. And yeah, I'm, I'm glad you guys, you know, got a chance to watch it and then be be one of the the few, few people that have seen it yet. So I'm, I'm excited about that. I'm. Very honored. Yes, seriously. All right. Thank you, John. Everybody at home, follow those. Pages and. Hopefully, hopefully it's coming to a streaming platform someday near you. Yes, yes.
Thank you. All right, until next time everybody at home hydrate for lesbian Jesus. And gate up all over the place. Bye, bye, bye. And with that, we've been big gay energy. Thank you for listening. We'd really appreciate it if you downloaded this episode and left us a review. No matter how brief, your contribution will help us reach a wider audience. We would love to hear from you
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Jesus and get it up all over the place.