Heartstopper S3E4 "Journey" Recap

Hello and welcome to Big GAY Energy. I'm Caitlin, and I'm Fiora. Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of queer media. Representation matters, and we're here to talk about it. Cheers, queers. What's on the Big Gay agenda today, Fiora? Today we are continuing our scene by scene breakdown of Heart Stoppers Season 3. And today we'll be recapping episode 4 journey. And boy, is it a journey aptly named. Well done, everyone. It is a long journey emotionally

and everything else so much. It's a roller coaster if it is. And today we once again have Elena joining us. We cannot do anything related to heart stop without her. We cannot. Happy to be here. We're very glad that you're back. We're so glad you're well. Thank you guys so much for having me back all the time. It is. Literally our pleasure I hope show Elena love in the comments everyone if you're. No, no, don't give me a complex. No, no. The biggest complex.

Only if Ringo does make an appearance this time, we'll see. We will see Ringo the cat may or may not join us also. Yeah, I hope so. Spoiler maybe. Let's get into it. OK. OK. So we start with. No way. Always a great time when we start with Nelly. I mean, yes, Nick's there too. I know. I love he's there. He's there. I think. Yeah. All right. Oh, my gosh. I love the this the placement of

where we start in this episode. First of all, like we start technically at the end of the journey in the story, OK, which like the whole arc that happens for the episode, which is where we go into Nick's house and find out that two months have passed since whatever. And I love that this is how we know like from the very beginning of the story, everything's going to be OK Charlie's going to be OK.

So we're able to go on this ride of the story with this, this sense of hope, like from the get go, Like we don't have any of that anxiety, which is such a heart stopper fashion. That's like there's no anxiety of like what's going to happen? Is everything going to be OK? Are they going to stay together or whatever? Like we know from the get go, everything's going to be OK. So and we could take with them.

Agreed. Because you could, we could have been like, oh, how long is he going to stay in there? Something bad going to happen. But they're like, no, just just live in it. Don't worry about the future. Come on the journey if you will. Yeah, I love, I love the way that Heart Stopper does this, where it's like in some ways, like we know what's going to happen, but we love getting to see the execution of how it unfolds. And I love that so much with this show.

I love, I love stories that do that. It's like how, OK, we know that they end up together, or we know that this person like this happens to them, but how, how does all of this, how all of the dots connect? So I love how Heartstopper does this. Well done Alice. She's AI mean. Alice is a genius. We cannot state that enough. Hydrate for Alice, you damn genius. Yeah, well done to Alice and the whole the whole team for executing this so literally, so beautifully.

OK, so as you mentioned, two months have passed and now Nick is talking to Tara on the phone about Charlie coming home, everything that's going on. And Tara is continuing to try to get Nick to start journaling, but he insists that he isn't a journal person, which I think is fair. Not everybody is a journal person.

But maybe he could look into an alternative that would still allow him to process his emotions like Tara is telling him to do. So I've come up with some options for him because of course I did. So option 1, he could be talking to Nelly. Just keep talking like you don't know what's going to come out. You just start talking as I do this to my dog sometimes. Nick does do that. We do get glimpses of Nick just talking and talking it out with Nelly. It's helpful. It is.

Because they just, they just want to be there for you. Nelly. He's a great listener. He could also write letters to his future self. Because technically this is journaling. But it's tricking. Him into thinking it's just a letter, it's not journaling. Or if he could do some creative writing, write some short stories, songs, just however whatever his thought process is that day. And lastly, he could also just already be channeling his

emotions through playing rugby. But we do see him try to start journaling. Yeah, we do get the we do transition into a journaling narrative. Like the way this episode is told is incredibly creative. It's like a creative writing project. The way it's structured and the way it like it. Oh, it's so good. I love it so much. But before we get to that, that's a I'll talk about that later. First of all, I want to mention how much I love Tara and Nick's friendship.

I love that they just became really good confidants for each other because they're both really stressed out by very different things that are impacting their lives. And I love that they are there for each other and are able to talk to each other in healthy ways all the time.

Like, I do love the way they communicate and especially in this scene, I love that Tara is here trying to convince him to journal as a way to process emotions while she's sitting in front of her Taylor Swift folklore poster. Because that's literally what the album folklore is. It's processing your emotions through storytelling.

Like you just said, Caitlyn. So I do love that little like, hey, Tara, I I wanna see Tara go to a Taylor Swift concert like she's filming or like towel's there as the videographer and just seeing like that experience. Could you imagine Darcy at at the era store like Darcy would so many friendship bracelets at the end of that. That's so true. Darcy would be would make so many leading up. Tara would make sure that they have enough beads, first of all, and start freaking up.

Yeah, making them and start freaking out when they start not having enough A's and E's. You know, same thing that happened to us. And then Darcy would just be, like, throwing them at everybody like Mardi Gras. Yeah. It's like, you can't be friendship bracelet. You get a friendship bracelet anyway. But something that Tara just quickly glosses over in this conversation is the fact that she says that if she didn't journal every day, she would

have a breakdown. And I just, it's such a simple line and she says it humorously. So you don't, I feel like people may not take it seriously, but this poor girl is suffering in silence to the point where she can only process and talk about what she's actually feeling to a journal that she doesn't have anyone she can process that with. And since Darcy has their own journey going on their own, yeah, I think that makes sense. Tara is giving them space, but it's at the detriment of herself.

Like, I understand why she doesn't want to confide in Darcy, but at the same time she she needs someone and she just doesn't want to put any more added stress on Darcy or really anyone. I she's also another one who doesn't like to be a burden. Well, if you look at Nick and and Tara, the reason I like them as friends so much is because I think they both have that I'm the strong one in the friend

group thing in common. And so like what I like about Nick's journey in particular that we're about to go on when he's giving his point of view of being Charlie's partner through this really difficult time. Same kind of thing can be said of Tara, but like they're Tara and Doris, you're not the focus

of the show. Is that what what happens, what happens to the supportive partner when the other partner is going through something difficult or life altering, especially when that partner is the one that has to be the strong one all the time? Like it goes to show that like people who are cast as the quote, strong person also need people to lean on and also need support too. And it's just for somebody like Nick, who's always in that role, like that person's like, I usually adopt that role.

Like for me, like, I know I'm not used to that because you're used to being the strong person all the time. So like, to have to lean on other people is challenging because it's never a mindset you're in. And so it can be really, really hard for Next. So you see that it takes a toll on him. And Tara is like cast as the overachiever and she's like crumbling under the weight of what that means to execute it. And I wonder what the journaling thing, where did she get that

from? Like does, is she always been a journal or does she go to therapy for like, we don't really get an explanation of where this comes from from Tara. But like, you're right, it's a way of like handling it on your own in a way, like when you need somebody and like don't have anybody or like are not used to relying on another person, like you figure out a way to cope on your own.

And so like, journaling is a good coping mechanism for somebody like Tara, who's very like a strong person, an independent person and is like the rock in a lot of friend groups or relationships. So same goes for Nick. So I think that's why she was like working so hard to encourage him because they are very similar and they play similar roles in their relationships like friendship

and otherwise. I know I'd like to think that Tara's. Been to therapy at least in the past like maybe something happening where she went by you know, I I don't know if she's maybe in it right now. She should be because I feel like she'd be able to process things a little better if she was.

I don't think she I think this is like a past thing that too so but there's definitely something there is the emotional intelligence there right that she had to have gotten from either that I mean or she's Isaac. I would say books, but I mean, maybe she's resourceful. I I think, I think there was some person in her life maybe that was like a psychologist who helped her through something small and then she just ran with it.

Yeah, I can say that the. Other thing I love about Nick and Tara's friendship is the fact that like, while I both play those roles, they both like bring out this part of each other that's like they, they're able not to call it out about each other, but they're like they, they get it with each other and they're able to be like seeing it from the other side. Like like when Darcy was still living with Tara, Nick was able to be like, able to hear her out

and be like, yeah, it's a lot. You're you're really trying. It's great that you really care. But yeah, absolutely. He gets it. And then Tara on the other end, seeing Nick's journey with Charlie, she's like, you're trying your best, like you really are. It's it is hard. So I love that they and they see that even like later on in the season too, like they bring, they both bring that side out of each other, like just being able

to understand each other. It's such a solid friendship, such a solid foundation for their friendship. Like there's a level of empathy there that, yeah, there's a level of empathy there that they don't necessarily have with the rest of the group just because the rest of their group hasn't necessarily had that experience. So I think that's what makes their friendships so, so unique and so special, so.

Yeah, I think the key is that like in order for them to get to a friendship, they had to be completely honest with each other. Like to get past the the comp head of it all, that was their kind of like relationship, like other people were forcing them into a relationship basically. So like to get to a friendship, they both had to be very honest about how they felt. And I like that that just like

continued with them. Like now that that's like way past where they are, you know, it's so beautiful. I love that. I love it. The friendships portrayed in this show are just as important, if not more important than the romantic relationships. And I do like that Alice really does make that point with her stories that like these relationships are very important and without them, like, and people suffer.

Like take Ben, for example. You can go to the dark side, you know, without having even a friendship group. That's solid. Oh yeah, definitely. Like there's very great depictions of healthy friendships. Like this is relationships in all aspects too, because you get to see the parent child relationship between Olivia Coleman and Nick and then see Charlie and his mom work on their communication.

Hopefully in the future we could see more of that too, because there's a lot going on, but just the different ways to handle relationships. That one's also not as more important than the other. A relationship is a relationship. They all take work. They all. It's it is a give and take. And I think that's what all the characters are learning in this season in particular, that it is a give and take.

You have to be there, but then you also need to let them be there for you and then the other person. Yeah, you get it. Yeah, totally. So in the scene, Nick starts the journaling and we get like his inner monologue of what his journaling thoughts are. And at the very beginning, like the setup, again, to your point earlier, Elena, where the writers are like, this is going to be a journey, Just be prepared, but it's going to be

fine. They tell us here, this is like the what, the prologue of Romeo and Juliet, where it's later, like everything will not be fine. Just so you know, like just right off the bat, they're like everyone dies. Just so you know, just so you know, Come on the journey, though, Nick says I never fully under. He basically says to some effect, like I never fully understood this sentiment until now. The the saying that things get worse before they get better. He's like, now I understand what

that really means and like. Ow. That hurts, but like. That is such a. Like life lesson to learn when you're coming into adulthood is that like there's, you know, ebbs and flows to like good and bad things happening and like at some point things peak, whether for better, for worse, and they're good. The trajectory is going to change. So like for Nick to be like, you know, I went through this really, really dark period, but there was a light at the end of

the tunnel. And like, I finally understand that metaphor now that like it's going to get better eventually, just like keep going. I love that he says this, especially in the beginning where like before we, the viewers really go into the darkness with Nick and with Charlie on the journey. Like it was very good life lesson for him. And then like the placement of this line and there's the lesson that like basically the rise,

right? This is the lesson you're going to learn in this episode And like it's going to be OK at the end, just like come on the journey again, emphasizing that come on the journey thing. That's so true, so good. Like because it then from here it does. You see the right now, you see the light at the end of the channel and now we're about to go into the darkness. Exactly. And yeah, that's that's actually, I mean, there's so much like storytelling aspect in

the show. And I mean, they they put so much thought into it. I don't know if they mean to do most of the thing, like some of the things that they end up doing, like what we see, but it's just it's beautifully done, so good. And do you have anything else

for the scene, Elena? I was just going to add on to like what you were saying, Like the best part about it is it's still like so true to the comics because like this whole series of like Nick's journaling, then Charlie's journaling, that's exactly like what happens in the comics and the like keeping true to that. And the execution done in this in this story, like in the show is just so beautifully done. Like while it still is heart stopper, it's still like it is

still the adaptation. It's just, it's just so. Good. I know that like, hey, we can't emphasize enough how good the comics are and the adaptation is what? And to your point, while it is, you know, when you adapt something, by nature of that word, change will is inevitable because you're changing the medium of the art. Like things have to change and it can't ever truly be a one to one adaptation.

So I think they they did such a good job with like paying homage to the fact that this is a comic. So we get a lot of those comic book kind of montage transitions they do a lot, which is very fitting. And they did a good job of really like keeping key scenes, the same key dialogue. The flow in this episode in particular is exactly how Alice read it or wrote it originally.

And just like it just works. And all the changes they made that were different, I think worked out because clearly, like, you know, Alice was there helping. And so it was very like true to the vision originally. And if anything, it enhanced it in a lot of ways by like expanding on Imogen's plot line, who's like not in the book.

And like Isaac, the Isaac change from Allred only enhanced things because then we got it to look into like asexual arrow ace, kind of like plot lines that weren't there originally. So like there's a lot of expansion that I think worked out and even like going deeper into like Elle, who like, you know, like we saw her parents and like heard more of her journey, especially in this season when we get to like later

episodes. Like it was also brilliant and I think hit on a lot of like topics that are like more relevant now maybe than when the comics were originally like incepted or executed. Especially when we get we get to L later. Like it's very like topical of like what's going on in the world for like the trans community. And so I feel like the show is able to dive deeper into the ensemble part of Heart Stopper rather than the books. Cause like there it is there in

both settings. Nick and Charlie are the mains for the show. But we do get more well-rounded characters in the show. And that's because they have more time. Like if they were to do this in the comics, they would be so long. Alice would be still on like volume to probably Oh my God, the drawing. So much drawing. Dallas who? Doesn't want 20 volumes of heart stopper though, I mean. Who's complaining? Oh no, everyone would definitely want it, but then they would

still want the show. So like timing wise, she can go back later and redo it all. And I'm just saying solitaire Tory adaptation. Just I'm just saying there's there's no we need that saying we do need that. Tori needs at least her own movie. Listen, the Tori movie. Could you imagine? That'd be amazing. Jenny Walser, I wanna see more. Of Tori and who? Jenny Walser, the actor who

plays literally. She needs her own movie regardless of who she plays, but she definitely needs to play Tori. Agreed. Jenny's great. Like she's so not even like with, I mean, with words, yes, but just she's the perfect Tori physical. Just you you see emotion. She's comedy. She's so funny. Her timing is amazing. Oh my gosh, yeah, yeah, I do

love in this scene. I I know we've probably seen it before, but the little pains, I don't know if that's what it's called of. Nick on one side and then Tara on the other and you see like a little page break and then from there the transition to going to the bottom and it's like a rectangle that takes up the whole screen rather than the two

side by side. It's just it was really cool to see because it's exactly like a comic book page and it's kind of like you're going to each scene and seeing it play out and it's just, yeah, I love it. It's very clever. Like everybody on this show like did a really good job. Everyone's like very in tuned with like, again, where this came from. And it's just it's cohesive because I get the sense that like all the creators from cast to crew are very much on the same page when creating this.

And it really feels that way. You know what I mean? I think we brought it up before, but similar to how we didn't bring the show up, but in Thailand there's a show called Reverse for You, and Theora always said when we talk about that show, how every second count, every second Heart

Stopper does that as well. There is something in there, especially from the source material, just there's something in there that ties it back to its source material and they make every single second count, whether it's with the music, with the lighting. Again, Theora is pointing out so much lighting stuff that I know I didn't notice. I mean, the lighting team is amazing, but I didn't notice like the color contrast that they use to give us Easter eggs.

And yeah, it's just it's yeah, everybody was on the same page with this show. It really, really counts. Like every crew member. It just it's amazing. Not a lot of shows do that. So no a lot. There's a lot of things time where there is no time to produce things because that's just the nature of our world now and people are just trying to throw things together and stay under budget. Just produce it as fast as possible. And that's what you see with

procedurals too. A lot of times, like in America where they're producing, they used to produce 24 episodes a season and with hour long shows, they're they're working crazy hours. Just get something on the screen at that point. Hi Ringo's tail, Ringo's on the screen. Ringo's got an opinion about this? He almost pulled out my headphones. I'm like Ringo, no Ringo.

There's a cat here. Hi. So yeah, it's, they took a lot of care, a lot of detail, and you could keep watching this and there's always something you can. I'm sure we're missing so much. I would love to be able to talk to everybody who worked on the show. If you for some reason are listening to this or watching this and you were on the show, worked behind the scenes, were involved at any capacity, e-mail us. Message us. Anyway. We'd love to eat this. It's happened before. It has.

We say that because it's happened before. You never know who's watching this. It surprises us, but it has happened and it we're honored when that happens. OK. I feel like the first part of every episode for Hearts up right now is just us talking about how great the production is. So we have finally reached the title card. So of course our title card for this episode is journey. Again, we are on a journey. We're on the journey of life between this show and you know,

life. But for the animation, the the title journey is written out very slowly in very aligned format. So it's basically representing writing down your thoughts in a journal like they're doing, but it's also quite slow. The animation itself, it's very much like you are writing it, and it could be showing that the journeys take time. Like, it's not very quick. You just gotta take it one line at a time, basically. So I I love their animations because there's like, so much to

read into in everyone. Yep. Just everything is so thoughtful, which makes this show super fun to talk about. There's so many masterminds behind the scene. Yeah, for real again. We wanna talk like Ringo, who's the mastermind behind the back. Ringo really wants to talk to them, bro. He really has opinions about the journey. Stop showing your tail and teasing us, Ringo. 'S we can't even see the rest of you. It's just like a tail listening. Just magic.

A tail just keeps popping up on a latest screen. I promise he's a real cat. He's just being a boy right now. The. Whole body? No, it's just it's Elena behind the camera with a. Like a feather duster or something. Here, sure, it's a puppet. It's like Elena not born so. Hey, if I got. We see Ringo's tail, we know to wrap it up. If I got his food over here, I

would. He would be up here in a second, I'm sure so. OK, so before we get into the rest of the episode, we have to interrupt this video to bring you a few brief shout outs. As always, we are so appreciative of every single person who listens, watches, supports us in any way they can. We love you. I especially just love getting to talk to you and hear your stories. If you are keep trying, you know not to stop. I know. She's trying to do the heart thing.

It never works. I make it keep there you go. It doesn't work till I give up faith that don't. Work now that we got the. Hearts to work. Let's get into our shout outs. So our chaos crew members on the big gay ride or die tier and above are Angela, Ren, T, Natalia, I and A Jill L, Regina, B, Monet, F, Dana and DG. Thank you. Thank you and our featured big gay supporter members for this episode are Tyron Tyron, Selena C and Tong V Thank you again. Thank you guys.

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So it's very sweet to see. But come join the Discord too, because we are connecting with a bunch of you over there and it's it's just wonderful. We love keeping up with you as well as you supporting us. Yeah, thank you guys. So let's get back into Heart Stopper. Let's continue the journey, the journey that you're right. So after the title card, we basically just go right to the beginning of this journey from Nick's perspective to start. We flashback to the start, which is in September.

So Charlie gets a GPAK General practitioner appointment. And the first thing we see is like, they're all sitting in the living room. It's him, Nick and Tori sitting on the couch while Jane, Charlie's mom, is on the phone trying to schedule an appointment. And one of the interesting details is the fact that Jane, like, she's like, says out loud, like the time they're trying to schedule. And she looks at Charlie to be like, is that OK? Like she says very like

unspokenly, is that OK? Is that a time that works? Which is like it seems like the first step for her in like trying to be better about communicating and trying to make sure that Charlie's OK with things. She. Also has a huge journey even in this episode. Yes, agreed. Yeah, no, that's a really good point 'cause I'll point it out later too. There's a there's a, there's a good depiction of that when they're in the when they get to

the G PS office. But yeah, like Jane does a 180 and which is really good to see that their relationship starts changing. But what I love that doesn't change is the solidarity between Tori, Nick and Charlie because like, they're the ones sitting closest to him on the couch, which is really, really sweet in the opening scene because like, mom is like trying to set up the appointment as moms do.

And but just like, that's like Charlie, yeah, has a lot of friends, but like, his core support system really is Tori and Nick. And so I love that it's them sitting with him on the couch. I love that that and you what the way you see them sitting. Tori is very much letting Nick take the lead with Charlie because she knows that Charlie not trust Nick more but is confiding more in Nick at this

point. Really calmer, just more comfortable in general with Nick and he knows how to take care of him so she doesn't have to worry. So she very much takes the back seat and you see that because I mean, obviously she wouldn't really be holding Charlie's hand, but she's letting Nick and Charlie be as close as possible. She's sitting a little further away, like giving a little space, but she's also like very much making herself small here. Like she looks so small. She's curled up.

She's more reserved, I guess. And you can see that she's taking on her brother's struggles because and she's like taking the responsibility of what he's going through. So she's very like being empathetic towards him, taking everything on herself. Like she needs to help him get better for her to be OK too when she has so much other stuff going on as well. Again, if you have not read Solitaire, go read solitaire because this poor girl.

I we still don't know if anyone's seen it because we need Tori's Story. If you don't have time to, you don't have time to read Solitaire. We did a book club of solitaire, the three of us. So you can go check out that episode and we basically spoil Solitaire for you. Yes, but I have decided that Tori's spin off is called Tori's Story. Yeah, I think so too. The Tori Story like Toy Story, but like and then we get Tori Story 3 when there's a third

one. Sorry, I just, I don't know why that never clicked that rhyme before and it was just, it was too good. Oh my God, Yeah. So you know what? What I really like about this separation between Nick and Charlie's perspectives on this is the fact that in this part, we don't actually see what happens at the GP appointment. It just cuts straight to after the fact when Charlie gets the referral for this eating disorder service. And it really just helps keep

that separation. So we clearly know who is like the main character. Obviously we can hear Nick's narration, so it's kind of obvious, but like it keeps us in the know of like this is what Nick experiences. So I really appreciated that. What's crazy is that Charlie when he gets the referral, the first appointment is not till January, which this isn't, assuming this is still in September, that's four months away.

That is crazy. Like I and that might just be like how practically it is in this situation. But like that is four months. Like, what is Charlie supposed to do in that four months? Like. Oh yeah, that's typical. Unless you like especially it's here too. It's just we have a mental health like healthcare in general. It's just very under established. It's terrible. Like you have to be. You have to go to the emergency department to get any immediate help. Yeah, that's crazy.

And you know, it's worse as if he had gone to the emergency department, they'd probably have been like, you're fine, you don't need the emergency, which is that's that's I mean, I say that from a perspective of never, ever having gone. So I have no idea. That's just like. No, wait, if he would have gone and he would have told them that, Well, no, I feel like if he would have go, I think he would have, it would have been his choice.

It would have been gotten to the same point, like so he would have been brought in and he probably would have told him about the self harm behavior too and that would have triggered people. He would not be left alone. Like there would be people there to watch him. I call them watchdogs. So he's not allowed to be left alone because of the self harming. Yeah. And then they would find them at home. When we say we, we, we are situated in, in America. So we're used to the American

healthcare system. And there is a law if somebody is considered a harm to themselves, they're there's they can like detain you essentially in the hospital for like up to 72 hours, I think, depending on the situation. So like if Charlie came in with suicide ideation and they deemed him high, like high risk enough because of that, they could detain him in the hospital essentially until he's no no longer, well, up to 72 hours basically.

Yeah. And help him basically they're they would again, I don't really know in the Uki try to do. I did too much research last night actually, but his the process is different between the show and then also the comics. So there's two different scenarios that I will go into

later a little bit. But what could be, especially in America, they would there be kind of like a social worker or somebody there who would recommend places, try to find a bed for Charlie, and if there is multiple places open, he'd be able to have a choice depending. Again, this is a different healthcare system though, so I don't know if they'd have a choice. It might just be what the. Yeah, also, like there's a lot going on in America.

We don't really have a choice either 'cause it's like dictated by your health insurance. So like, that's the other thing, that there's a barrier to getting cared. It's like insurance, you're lucky if you have a choice, honestly, right, Right. Usually you don't. It's like, well, this place will take you in four months.

That's so oof, yeah. So, well, it's underfunded, so yeah, yeah, I think it just says a lot just even in that little four months until your appointment like that says a lot about like how under established the system is and everything. We definitely need more support for it because it's really if that was better supported, maybe some other areas wouldn't be as bad because people would be getting the help they needed,

yeah. Yeah, So Charlie not being able to meet with the service until four months from now, naturally things do start to progress. Things do tend to get worse in that time frame. Charlie isn't able to get any of the help that he's needing that he, that he's been asking for. And it's, it's kind of like it's a question of like, what is the expectation that he is to do between now and the time with

his appointment? Like is he just supposed to like, wait, like what is this expectation now with the system? It's like, OK, well, we got you with the appointment. I, this is coming from me. I, I don't know anything about like all of this. So I'm this is also me genuinely asking like what? What is he expected to do in this time? To like, take care of himself, honestly? Suffer in silence. Yeah, Hang on. Yeah, for four months. For four months. And just it's insane.

Go to school and act like everything is fine. Yeah, Which we see is like impossible for Charlie to do at this point because at the point where he's seeking out help, it's gotten so bad that he is seeking out like had he sought out help earlier, like then the time I would match up. But like, realistically, that's not. People can't do that. It's not until that right, things get bad that you're like, OK, I need help. But then that immediate help is not there.

Correct. So basically Charlie's just stewing with this and he starts just getting like angrier and angrier. And that's what we see in this next scene where he's with Tao and Isaac and, and Nick at lunch. And now more people in his inner circle know what's going on with him or that something is going on and they're worried about him. And so it's making Charlie more upset because like, he can't get better. He's just stuck like this.

And now everyone's looking at him basically, which he hates. So I love Joe's acting choices as Charlie in the scene because he starts like shrinking himself and like hunching over to show how Charlie really is like in this interim period, retreating deeper into his mind as kind of a defense mechanism because that's what people do. They shut down when things are uncomfortable. But like, instead of that alleviating his discomfort, it makes him worse because his mind

is a deep, dark place right now. It's just giving him more anxiety. And so we see the manifestation of that again in the scene where Charlie just like scratching aggressively at his arm again because like, he's going into his mind. His mind is bad and there's no outlet. So he's just like the urge for like self harm or things, perhaps that's what that's indicating is like escalating. And like Nick, who knows more of these behaviors now, is just like watching him helplessly.

Because again, we are in Nick's head when we're seeing all this and it's just like he can see Charlie deteriorating in front of him and there's like literally nothing he could do. And it's just a shitty situation for Nick. And then also everybody now knows that there's something going on. So basically everybody is looking at Charlie now and that's and for Charlie, that's so overwhelming because now everybody's looking at you

differently. Like you're now he feels like he's broken even more because people are treating him like that even though they're not trying to, they're just trying to help him. But when you're like this, you just want things to be the same. And it, it can't really be like that until things change. And fortunately, we got to wait. Yeah, sometimes there's also just like this, depending on the person, there's like this level of just like it's almost frustration or maybe even resentment.

Like if you say you're fine, but they they can tell you're not fine. And so they try to push. And that can naturally make a person feel upset because it's like, are you not hearing me? Even if you're not telling the truth, it's just kind of like, look, I told you already, I'm fine. So and that's it's heartbreaking because I feel like that does happen with Charlie as he's getting progressively more angry. He's just like I told you, I'm fine or just just stop.

I'm I'm fine. Please stop worrying about me. Even though it's like, obviously there's something to worry about because you know, he's got shit going on. What's what, I wonder, is like, oh, go ahead and Halen. I was going to say, it's kind of like they're cornering him in a way, like he's backed up against a wall, back against a wall and like he either has to tell them what's going on or basically retreat. So the point that he feels trapped, that he's just explodes.

And that's where this anger is coming from. He just, he has nowhere to let it out. Maybe he should start journaling too. Yeah. We get there later. Yeah, like from what we've seen, Charlie only ever seems to get like angry with the friends slash like with Nick when they are like worrying so much about him. It's never like we never really see it with any other situation where they're like worrying about themselves or he's worrying about them or they're worrying about each other.

It's only whenever they're worrying about him that he gets like upset and he's like back off, which is heartbreaking. I think it just says a lot about Charlie and how he doesn't see himself as as as valuable as them. Just like, not true, Charlie, not true at all. Yeah, I think it's just a bit of irony because the fact that his friends love him, they're focusing on him. But what we know about Charlie and what's always been true about him is he hates being in the spotlight.

So they're shining a spotlight on him he doesn't want on him and they're doing it even more than normal because they know he's not OK despite him saying he's fine. And so it just makes him spiral more and retreat deeper into himself where there's no escape from this. It's that that's the root of the problem is like his brain. So like it just is making everything. Worse. Because they're shining a spotlight on him he doesn't want.

Yeah. And at some point, he says, like they, they say that they're worried about him, like when they're sitting at the picnic benches. And he says, well, can you stop? I don't have to tell you everything. And it like, it raises the question of like, does he really not want to tell them? Or is it like in typical Charlie fashion, he doesn't want them to worry? Or is it he just doesn't want them to see him, you know, in a different way or anything.

So it raises that question of like, also like what? How much do they know? Because as far as we know in this so far, we've only seen like the whole concern with Isaac in Episode 2 where he's like, you've been ignoring texts, you haven't been hanging out with us, what's going on? And Charlie has just been saying I'm OK. And with Tao, Tao hasn't talked to him at all because Nick has insisted. I don't think, I don't think you really should talk to him about it 'cause it'll make it worse.

Like he didn't like you said in Episode 3. So assuming that nothing has like no conversations have happened since then, they basically know nothing about what's going on with Charlie. They just know something's up. And the fact that Charlie is just going, I don't have to tell you everything. They're just like, oh God, what is happening? Like something something's really wrong. And that's also hard for Isaac and Tao because they don't know what's going on.

Like they don't even know what to say. They, they have no guidance. And I mean, I don't have experience from their point of view of like how to handle it because I'm sure that that is so difficult. I can only speak from Charlie's point of view. But like, there's no guidelines for this, which is of course great. That heart stopper exists because it gives some indication of what could be going on. I don't know where I was going with that. All I know is it's rough for everybody right now.

You know, yeah. And then Charlie proceeds to, like, start skipping school, and he's, like, ignoring Nick's texts. And I noticed at some point that when Nick goes into The Art Room, he's like, he's looking for Charlie to see if he's there. I'm assuming this is probably, like, at lunchtime or something. He goes to look for Charlie. He's gone and then same thing that happens when he goes to form and Charlie's not there

been both shots. There's like a ray of sunlight that comes down into the room and it's like almost not quite blinding, but it's very bright. It's it like illuminates the space specifically where Nick is like trying to look for Charlie, like in the corner of the room where he looks in The Art Room and then in this like where Charlie's empty seat is in the form room. There's like a light shining there and it's like it's I, I, I tried to take that as like that.

As you know, the, the light is Charlie, but he's missing. And so Nick is trying to find the light that is, I don't know. He's trying to find that hope, ray of hope. Yeah, and then he texts Charlie and Charlie ignores the texts and then. Which is not like him. Yeah, yeah, after, like, it feels like they're backtracking again, like they did earlier on in the season.

They kind of backtracked where Charlie is, like he did at the end of Season 1, where he's going through his own mental stuff and is like avoiding Nick's texts. He's doing it all over again. And it's like Charlie no. Probably, yeah. And then we also, sorry, just talking about like the backtracking thing, it's with mental health, it's not even a straight line of progress because like that is going to happen. And I think that that's it's just there's so much to show and

they show so much. It's so great. Continue. Yeah. Then we then we transition to these, like the scene with Charlie and Nick in The Art Room. And there's, again, the cinematography is just beautiful. But there's one shot in particular I wanted to highlight that I thought was hauntingly beautiful. And that's where Nick and Charlie are sitting in the corner where kind of like the

counters intersect. There's like a line, there's like a counter with a bunch of paint on it, a sink, his Art Room. And they're in the corner. And like up along the wall in the corner is this big tree. And on the floor, a bunch of roots. And they're sitting down in the corner. And the camera angle is like up top looking as almost like a 45° angle, like looking down onto them and where they're located in this room, it's almost like they're in the darkest possible

corner of the room. And this room, if we all recall, The Art Room is Charlie's safe space in the school or just one of his safe spaces in general. So to be in the darkest place possible, in your safest place possible, to me is like very haunting for Charlie. Yeah, I know.

I love this shot because it's like it's also a stark contrast to the the previous shots because in this shot you can see there's rain outside, which obviously like hard suburbs doesn't leave any subtleties unmissed in some of their like details with the with the with the surroundings, with the environment. So there is like rain outside, which can always like symbolize like, I mean, in, in like very stereotypical, like literature and it depicts like sadness.

It depicts like gloom. And in this case, the sun is gone because the clouds are behind it. So whatever light is in Charlie's mind is being clouded by the darkness. And so, and at the same time, what I love is that they, it's shows a lot that they are sitting in that corner on the floor. They're basically completely hidden behind the counters, like the windows up above. They're basically hidden to the

rest of the world. And it's almost like, it's almost like they're trying to get away from everything in this shot by completely hiding themselves to where no one can see them, even from the outside world. So, so beautifully, beautifully shot. Yeah. And remember, we're in Nick's point of view at this point in the source. So this is Nick's point of view. So I like that you brought up like the sun earlier. Now the sun is gone. So it's like Nick is losing hope, He's losing Charlie.

This goes back to like the line he said at the beginning. We're like, oh, it's things get worse before they get better. I know what that means now. So this is like the darkest point, I would say. And this is being depicted kind of like how this shot is set up. So the other thing I love about this is like I, I mentioned the tree along the wall, the roots on the ground, they're sitting on the roots, so, and roots are something that's like hidden underground.

So it's almost like they're in this moment getting to the root of the problem. Like, pun intended, like, 'cause in, in the shot, Nick is consoling Charlie, right? Who's in a really dark place in his in his what was once his safe space. And so it's like the darkest parts of Charlie's mental illness is kind of being

depicted in this in the scene. So I wonder if they're having a conversation about like his self harm, like urges or something like that's being escalated perhaps because of how dark everything seems by the way this is being established. So I wonder if that's what they're talking about because we don't know what they're talking about.

And also, if you think about the tree, like trees symbolize life growth by them, by it being out of the frame and by them, like sitting on top of the roots, almost obscuring everything. It's almost like hope is being smothered. The life is being snuffed out of Charlie by this mental illness. The sun is disappearing. All that kind of metaphor is happening with this shot. But the alt read again, going back to Nick, it gets dark before it gets better.

Is that like there's like there's roots poking out from underneath them? So it's like life is persisting despite the darkness because roots are life and they grow in the dark. So there's also that, but it takes work and effort to keep living. So it's kind of like this while it is dark. It's like there's hope mixed into it, but it's hard to see in the darkness, but it's kind of still there. That makes sense. So I like this shot a lot. There's a lot of metaphor happening in it.

Yeah, there. I mean, there's a lot to talk about in this, like the whole scene, really, because the first shot you get is a high angle, and it makes the two of them seem small. And Charlie? That's basically how. Charlie's feeling right Now, you did point out that this is Nick's point of view, so I didn't like fully read it as Nick's point of view, but maybe you can help me here. So basically, the room is overwhelming this scene here. And like, that's exactly what

Charlie's brain is doing. And you know, even for Nick, because everything is very overwhelming, that he probably also feels small because like, he can't do anything to help him. He's finally accepted that, which is huge for him. But now he's just left there trying to be the shoulder for him to lean on. And it just feels like too small of a thing for him to do. And The thing is that like, Nick is being sucked into the darkness with Charlie by supporting him.

So like, that is why I really love this point of view from Nick because it's so easy to just focus on Charlie. But the focus really is Nick right now and how this journey is causing him to spiral. It's bringing him into the darkness too by trying to be the strong one and the supportive partner. Like he feels small because really he can't do anything. This is Charlie's journey and he's just has to be there with him.

And and so by doing that, Nick is going into the darkness with Charlie to be the supportive partner. So like, it's like Persephone going into the underworld kind of thing. Like to be the partner. He also has to go into the underworld with Charlie to like go on this journey. You know, Charlie would appreciate that metaphor. He likes the Greek classes.

I'm sorry, I wish I knew what you were saying, but I'm going to go with it. If you if you know exactly what Theora is saying, please message in the comments. Join the discord to have a conversation with Theora because I'd love for her to actually. Be able to talk to. Someone who understands it's Greek mythology, it's fine. Yeah, Start learning that. OK, so. But the next cut that you get after this is where the camera is closer to the floor and it has to be very low.

It might be just on a slider thing, I don't know. It's very, very, very close to the floor in like the depth, and it's slightly angled upwards. And normally if a shot is at a lower angle, it gives the characters in the scene more power. But in this scene, in this shot, the camera's further away, so it's not necessarily looking up, It's not as a dramatic angle up. So it doesn't really feel like it's depicting power. And it just kind of feels like

they're as low as they can get. So like both of them at this at this point, they're pretty much in the same spot. Like Nick isn't feeling the same as Charlie, but Nick is at the lowest too because again, he has no idea how to help Charlie. This, this is it. This is the the bottom. But then the shot slowly zooms in as Charlie is telling Nick about everything and it's it gets to the point where the angle is more giving the characters the power.

And I'm thinking that this is because Charlie is opening up to Nick. So maybe Nick feels a little bit more power because he was able to get Charlie to open up and he knows that he is the strong one for him. But he Charlie has also been withdrawn even more now, even with Nick. So just having being able to pull that out of Charlie gave him that little bit more power, if that makes sense. Yeah, as my dog plays in the

background. Yeah, there's some, the thing I love about this shot especially is because it starts so far back. This shot on the on the ground this I think it's called a worm's eye view. I might be totally right on that, but it's like it's supposed to be closer to the ground. It's it's so far away from them compared to like what you would think when it's focusing on 2 characters in one shot.

It kind of gives this illusion that like we as the audience are peering into this, this very private moment, which obviously like this is a very private conversation that Charlie probably would not tell whatever he's tell told Nick probably has never told anybody else. For all we know, he might not ever tell anybody else at least as much detail as he told Nick

in this conversation. So it's you can give the idea that is a very private conversation that we are fortunate enough to look into, even though we haven't heard every part of the conversation. I think that also plays into it is we are just kind of hearing the tail end of the conversation. We don't even hear the details

of what Charlie says. So I think that just kind of helps emulate the privacy of it. And, and in during this conversation, Charlie like even says sorry for everything, like for the way that he's been treating Nick, the way he's been treating their friends and just like everything. And he when he says start sorry, he starts to cry. And Nick normally, like in any other scenario, he'd be like no S word. The S word's banned.

You know, we don't say sorry in this relationship or whatever, but he he reads the room, he he he gets the vibe, but he's he just says it's OK. That's all he says, because this is not the time for snark. This is the time Charlie is genuinely sorry. Charlie is genuinely struggling and all Nick knows that he can do is be there to support his partner. So and then as he's hugging him,

he just says, I love you. That's all he says, and I think that also like also kids acting in that moment, just like the how much like genuine love he put into that I love you as he's like holding his man man. Also, how did they attack us with Black Friday the song in this sequence? Oh. My. God like the. Perfection of the music, always.

Hurts. Yeah, in in a couple different interviews, Kit, who plays Nick, he said that this is probably like his favorite episode to that that was done in the season. And this is kind of where I I really could see why, just like the execution of all this. This is where I was like, OK, yeah, I can see why this is his favorite episode. That's fair.

And then after this little scene, we do get the short montage of moments of joy that Charlie does experience with the community that he has with Nick, Tori, all of their friends. And we start with them playing Mario Kart, which we all know Charlie is exceptionally good at Mario Kart compared to everybody else in the group. So naturally he's going to have fun winning, kicking everybody else's ass at it. Plus, it's something familiar. It's something that he knows

very well. It's something he loves. It's something you almost consider nostalgic, depending on how long he's been playing it. And he's playing it with two of his favorite people, Nick and Tori. So, you know, the fact that we have them all three together playing Mario Kart now, too, it's like, it's so cute.

Yeah. And then it goes like the next scene, which is just, it's a subtle, like they're in the farm room and Nick is drawing on Charlie's hand like he was in Season 1 when he drew the :). So again, it's like something familiar to the two of them, which is really sweet. And then after that, we cut to the friend group having, I think, a picnic or something in the park, and Darcy gets a little makeover. Oh, my God, this scene was so

precious. Yeah, again, I don't know if this was actually a picnic or they just gathered to support Darcy in this moment. Unclear. But either way, all the friends are gathered and Darcy, who's been on this journey of gender expression and figuring out gender identity and that kind of thing, decides to get a haircut and like a haircut that they want. And so like, they're all kind of gathered and like encouraging Darcy because it's like a big deal.

Like, you know, hair is a big part of like your appearance and things like that. But they're there to support Darcy. And like Elle cuts the first lock and they all just like celebrate. And it's just, it's so precious. Like everybody's reaction in the way they're so supportive of Darcy is really sweet and beautiful. I'd like to think that each one of them gets a turn at cutting a piece of their hair off. I feel like Darcy would love. That yeah, they're just, I feel.

Like Darcy forced everyone to do it. Also that cause someone was probably like oh I don't I don't wanna mess it up. And Josh is like. Do it. You'll be. Fine, just do it. I dare you mess it up, make my parents mad. Gran's, I could care. Gran's gonna be, like, lovely. Gran's. Gran's gonna be happy regardless if it makes them happy, so. Right. I feel like Graham would be like you missed the spot in the back here. Let me get it right. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. How absolutely. Yeah, it's.

She's really cute if Darcy saves a piece for grand a cut. That would be cute. That would be sweet. I would love that. Yeah. Yeah. In the scene we do see like everybody's like celebrating. Everybody has having a good time. Everybody is like laughing, having a good time. And then we see like this very brief moment, cause again, this is like during the dark period of Charlie's journey, We do see that moment where Charlie does

start to go into his head. You can see courtesy of Joe's great acting, his face kind of start to fall, his eyes kind of start to glaze over a little bit as he like looks away. But Nick is immediately able to kind of break him out of it by like he's like already got his arm around him And he kind of just like gives him a nudge and like starts to rub his arm. And it's very subtle and could usually just be played off as

like, hey, I love you. I'm going to give you this little bit of affection to, like, everybody around them. They're just being cute. They're being in love. But like, obviously to Nick, that is just him trying to nudge Charlie, get him out of his head a little bit. And Charlie immediately is just like, oh, hi. Yeah, I'm here. Hi. So it's so subtle, so it doesn't give Charlie away, which I love, but it's still really sweet. Yeah, I do like that.

This montage goes to show that like, even when there are dark days, there are good moments that can happen during dark days. Like there's a famous saying somewhere, I forget where, but people said basically like of Nazi occupied Germany, They're like, people still lived fulfilling lives during that time. There were still people living like you lived through it. And there are people still doing their thing despite the

darkness, basically. And that's kind of like we're getting glimpses of that with Charlie. Like even though he's in this really bad mental place, he does have good moments scattered throughout. It's not just constant gloom for him, but in this scene in particular, you see that like he does wax and wane and like through Nick's point of view, he's like, he's still just doing his best to be supportive and like try to make Charlie smile when he can. Like that's Nick's superpower

basically in these moments. OK, after the picnic ends, we skip time and enter the month of October. We're still in Nick's point of view at this at this point. And with the month that's now passed, Charlie's control on his like clinging to everything's fine is really, really slipping. And he mentions to Nick that the compulsions are getting worse and he sorry, this is Nick journaling.

He says Charlie's compulsions are getting worse and Charlie doesn't know how to stop them and neither do I. So like again, Nick is in the darkness with Charlie at this point and like getting more not hopeless, but like kind of but like feels more helpless as this kind of goes on because there's really nothing he can do. And Charlie needs help, but they're just waiting for him to get the help.

So this just this like this horrible limbo period that they're in. And at one point, like Nick's on the phone with Charlie while Charlie's kind of like talking to him after one of these really bad episodes. And like from the conversation on the phone, it sounded a lot like the OCD episode that happened in Solitaire that got really bad that Tori witnessed alone with Charlie and then he called Nick after. And it I think that might have been the the timelines kind of like converging a bit.

Yeah, I think that happens in the next step, or not the next episode, but like right before episode 6, I think is when that actually happens. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I think that's when he has the relapse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, I can't remember. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, I think, I think that's also in the comics too, that, that he has like that relapse moment. But that's right. Yep, recovery is not a straight line as you said. Right, so unfortunately wish it was. If only, right?

Yeah, it so it breaks my heart hearing Charlie, he says. I just feel so stupid. And then just like that 100%, like you have a moment just like it does. Like regardless of what the situation is or like what your condition is, like you have a moment where it's just like things like you explode or something just happens. And afterwards, like in the moment you just can't help it. But afterwards, you just feel awful. You're just like, why did I do that? Or why couldn't I control myself?

Why, why this, why that? You just, you feel stupid, you feel ashamed, you feel embarrassed. And it's heartbreaking because like it's hindsight, but it's also just like, why can't I stop?

I just want to stop but I can't. Most of it's the control thing, like he cannot control anything right now and it's to the point where just everything is just getting out of hand and he needs to be able to control something, which is where the the eating disorder gets worse because that's the one thing he can control. He can control not eating, but then at the same time the food is controlling him. Like, I believe he says that later in the episode.

Yeah, the therapist points that out later because remember, Olivia Coleman 2 point O said usually eating disorders are linked to something else. So like, it's becoming more obvious now that like the eating disorder is a symptom of what's actually going on with Charlie, which is this out of control OCD that he has that like Nick uses the word compulsions like. Yeah, yeah. The other thing in this conversation too, like she just says, like they just call them

compulsions. They don't specify what they are. And that's something I appreciate so much about the show and like especially just about Alice in general. And their writing, this scene specifically, is like so well done because it it really trusts us as the audience to fill in a lot of those gaps ourselves by

if we choose. And we know about Charlie's compulsions, we know like what he's dealing with, but we don't ever actually see any of them acted on screen, partially because it it helps demonstrate again, that privacy, that respect for Charlie's privacy. And it demonstrates the whole, again, the show don't tell aspect of the show. Like we can know the story without needing to know everything. And it's kind of kind of similar to like people's personal journeys in real life.

Like we can kind of know like somebody like say you're like, you know, your best friend's been through stuff, but you maybe weren't there for all of it, or you didn't know them before they had all these experiences. And so you know things, but you don't know everything. It's kind of in that same vein of like, we don't need to know everything to know that they've been through something. So. Which again, narratively fits because this is still Nick's point of view.

So Nick can't know the compulsions. We are not in his head. We are not in Charlie's head right now. We are in, we're seeing this all play out through Nick's point of view. So Nick doesn't know the extent of the compulsions, A, because he's not in Charlie's head, and B, because Charlie's not fully sharing everything, whether he wants to or is just too hard to or for whatever reason. Like so we only know what Nick knows, which is that like Charlie's getting worse.

He tells me his compulsions are getting worse, but like Nick doesn't know what the extent of what that that is. He can't know he's not Charlie, which is so real as a storytelling device. Like like you said, they really stick in the point of view of Nick, which I really, really love. It's like almost like a third person point of view where it's like you're strictly seeing what this character sees and you're not seeing outside of what they

can see and experience. My dog just I have to take. Care of this. Did she let herself in again? Yes, get out. Yeah. And one of the other things I love about Alice's writing so dearly is the way they don't always focus so heavily on, like, the dark aspects of everything. And they even said this at one point, like way earlier, like when they were doing the comics for this volume, they were like, I'm not going to be focusing on Charlie's actual disorder as much. I'm not going to be.

They said that. They're not going to be graphic about it because that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is the healing process, the journey that Charlie goes on, the recovery goes through, and that's what they wanted to focus on. And I love that that is still kept so true in this show. Even like when we switch over to Charlie's perspective, like we don't even go that far into the darkness like as much as one one would expect in like a typical show.

I feel like where we really cover that topic, it's very much more heavyset on his journey of recovery. And I love that because I feel like you don't see that enough in media, like the actual focus on recovery, so. Yeah, it's kind of like the things get really bad, but then you don't see how it resolves. Like a lot of like fights, like it gets really bad and then they like make up in an instant, but you don't really see how they resolve it. So, yeah, I get what you're saying.

It's nice to see the work for the recovery and not just focusing on what made it bad. Yeah, we're American media is trauma porn. We're into the trauma. But then not the like, how does this result, like, act like, actually resolve, which takes a lot of time. So that's like, we'll tell you how to get to a bad place, But once you're there, you're on your own. You're on your own because America is the bad place.

OK, so wait, one other thing I love in the same vein of what you're saying is that Alice writes YA. That's actually yai think that's the other thing that people forget. So like the target audience really for like heart stopper is like actual young adults. Like they're in high school. So it's like teenagers, which is who the YA genre is for. But nowadays we have like, high school kids with college adult plot lines.

And so like, it's more graphic what those characters are going through because like, the audience is really adults, not children. And so like, this is very much written for its target audience and like, handles difficult concepts, like we get into sex Ed later, the mental health stuff. And it's written and depicted for that target audience. It's for children, really teenagers, not actual adults, like, you know what I mean?

That's an issue. I have American media in particular where they have high schoolers with adult plot lines. And it's like, what are you doing? Like this is not the target audience, is not who I'm seeing on screen. And it's there's this mismatch. It's like they tried to create the genre of like new adult, which makes sense. Like people who are actually like now adults and going on the journey, like 20 years old, like

19, that kind of stuff. But these are kids and like this the material is handed for it is is depicted for children, which I really appreciate. To me, that's actually good YA content. Not like this weird. I don't even know Riverdale that we have now, like Riverdale, which is like these are adult plot lines for children. It's like because there is adult actors too, like and that that's a whole different thing. That's a whole other story.

But then it also, it also teaches this age group that they need to act older. They need to be doing all of these adult things when they need to just be focusing on themselves, what they want in life, what they want for the future, not having these party experience. There's just like there's a lot. The problem is the target audience for that media isn't the people being depicted on

screen. It's for actual adults who are in that era where like they're past all of us and they're just like living life or whatever with money and like fucking around or whatever. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying that's like in your 20s behavior, but then you're depicting teenagers doing it. And it's like that's then if a teenager goes to watch this, it's confusing because you're like, what is this? Should I be doing this? Because like, they're not the

audience? That's my point anyway. So enough about that. I can rant about that all day. So I appreciate that about Alice. Alice actually writes YA, that's YA and handles these types of difficult situations and topics. That's age appropriate. So there is a way to talk about sex Ed America in a way that's appropriate for the age demographic. Like there's a way to do it. See Heart Stopper. Anyway, so back to Nick and Charlie.

So Nick talks to Charlie about a rehab center because like again, that they're waiting and waiting for like the referral and we're in October and things are getting so bad. It's like we're not going to make it to January. So Charlie's looking for other options basically for specialized care that can help him. And at this stage, like Charlie is still looking into it and he's like, I don't know if it's going to help.

And like, I think he just feels super hopeless at this point because like, things are just, they're just getting worse the longer he just kind of sits in limbo. Yeah, I like when Nick asks do you think it'll help? And Charlie just says not really, but it kind of seems half hearted. Like does he really not believe

it? Or maybe it's just that he doesn't want to get his hopes up because he's probably heard like the stigma about going into these type of facilities and he doesn't want to be like expecting anything. Or he just he doesn't know what to expect because he only knows the stories if he if he even knows anything. Maybe he doesn't even know anything about what this would do. So he's like not even sure if it

would help because he doesn't. I'm part of it's probably because he doesn't even know what he really needs. Like truthfully, he doesn't know what kind of care is actually going to help him because he's just now starting to figure out what is going on. And obviously, like at this point he doesn't even know that he has OCD. That comes as a surprise to him later. So I have to wonder if that's just. Starting to ask for help. Yeah, exactly.

So it's just kind of like, is that not really because of that or is it just because does he genuinely think he's not going to get help or is it just kind of like AI have no idea? Yeah, if you think about it, it's this is Charlie about to take a step into the unknown, which is part of the the road to recovery. And it's getting, it's the, the bottom line is that it's evident that it's this is getting harder for both of them to deal with, like both of them.

Because remember, we're still in Nick's point of view and he's this is the supportive partner going on this journey. And right now it's affecting him a lot to watch on like helplessly as his partner is going through this incredibly difficult thing. And to Nick's credit, he is supporting Charlie the best he can.

Like in the scene in particular, Nick is just, you know, he doesn't push Charlie. He's he's getting better at learning when to push, when not to push, how to actually be that supportive partner in this situation and be what Charlie needs. Like when Charlie's talking about the rehab center, Nick doesn't push him and go, no, you really need to go because he sees him deteriorating. Instead, he just, he just sits there and actively listens to Charlie while Charlie is voicing his concerns.

And like, that's what Charlie needs in that moment. He's being whatever Charlie needs. When Charlie says that he doesn't know if it'll help he he does start to use humor. So like there's a little bit of hope there because he's using humor and he says at least he gets to skip school for a while, which granted it is a perk. You still have to do school, though, which he does find out later, but he won't have to. He'll actually be able to not go to school instead of, you know, skipping it.

But in this his case, that is where his friends are. That is his life is at school. So him saying that that at least he won't have to go there is very sad because that means he really is. He's like, he's not. He's withdrawing from his life by not wanting to be at school. Yeah, Yep. Well, Charlie needs a change because as we saw on the other scene that his friends are starting to stress him out. So it's really not they're not

supporting him the way he needs. He really needs to get out of this environment away from all the things that are stressing him out to detox essentially mentally from it. And so ultimately Charlie does decide, yes, I'm going to try the rehab institution. Fuck the referrals is too way too long. So basically he packs up and gets ready. His family gets ready to drive him to the rehab center and him and Nick part ways. And in the parting Charlie tells Nick don't cry because I'm going

to start crying. And Nick's replies I'm not sure I can help it. And I must say I stand a man that is honest about his feelings and not afraid to show them because what a vulnerable position position for both of them to be in. And I love how honest Nick is about his feelings. I love that about his character so so much. Oh no. And that second hug, it was just so much tighter. Like Nick just fully wraps himself around Charlie on that

second hug. You just feel like he is like about to cry and it's like because he knows he might, he doesn't know when he's going to see his boyfriend again. No, but Nick, you know, he's doing, you know, he's spent how many months trying to be the strong one? And he's like, I, it's basically him admitting like, I don't know if I can be strong in this moment when I actually have to say goodbye to you, even though it's like the best thing for you

kind of thing. Like, you know, Nick is still sad about it, even though it's good. You know, it's it's going to be a good thing, hopefully, because again, they're stepping into the unknown. They don't know this. And so after that, Nick goes about his normal life without Charlie in it, and we get a glimpse of what that kind of looks like. And we learn that he's not able to communicate with Charlie, at least in the beginning. So it's just him kind of

isolated and alone. And what has been seen over the past like three seasons. Nick is codependent on Charlie. So like this is hard for him to like now he has to go solo. He's in the unknown. And so he just tries to kind of like distract himself with stuff. Like he takes driving lessons and he's distracted while he's doing that. And then he talks to Nelly a lot. And he's like, yeah, I'm trying to distract myself, but I suck at this because I'm codependent.

So Nick starts spiraling. And then he starts looking into, like, what is it like being in rehab? And so he gets like, a mix of just like, oh, it helped. And like, this was the worst experience of my life. And so he's just like trapped in limbo again, once again, but a different limbo because Charlie's in one of these places. And so as the partner who can't talk to him, he's like freaking out. He's like, what if Charlie's having a horrible time?

Like, I can imagine his anxiety is just like, peeking because he's in the unknown too, and doesn't know what's going on. And now he's reading all this stuff and he's like, Oh my God, what's happening with Charlie? I still don't know which sucks. The. Horror stories are a lot. Like. I we tell people not to read them, but I mean, it's also good to know other people's experiences, but those stories are making people not want to get help. Again, this is all because these

programs are underfunded too. Because if the people working there had more help and more funding, I feel like it would be a lot better place for everyone involved. And again, I hope it's OK that like I real, I talk about my own experiences. It's only because like, I've been through similar situations to this. But like, I get that everybody's experience is different. It it's a very terrifying thing to be going to this place because it again, it is an unknown.

This is something that you don't typically have experience with unless you are relapsing. But not all experiences are going to be the same. Not all places are the same either. So that's what's important to keep in mind if I mean like for them, but also if anyone listening to this is going through something similar. Again, I'm just, I just talk about this stuff in case anybody

is facing this. I feel like the scariest part is not knowing how long you will actually be there, which is why I'm glad that they did tell us how long Charlie was there in the beginning. Because that is, it's a huge unknown when you go into a place like this and you're not able to get out even if you want to, even if you put yourself voluntarily there, you cannot check yourself out and just be like, hey, I'm leaving right now and leave like a hotel.

And again, at least in America, it's like this. I tried to look up a little bit of the UK, but again, not being in that system, I can't fully tell. And in America, you can technically put in a 72, which means you're requesting to leave in 72 hours. You cannot leave earlier than 72 hours, which is insane, but the Doctor Who's treating you has the ability to reject that. And if they reject it and say that you can't leave, you're going to be there a lot longer. And that is also a terrifying

thought for people in there. So I actually re read the journal I wrote while I was in the hospital and basically if I had to relive the entire experience while doing these notes. And it's just. It's insane. Everybody's journey is different and it's you can't just, if you know someone with a bad story, doesn't mean that you're also going to have a bad experience.

It all depends. Because I met a trans woman in the hospital and her experience was completely different than mine because she had different requirements and they weren't being met. So yeah, just if anyone out there is dealing with any of this stuff and wants to talk about it, just contact me. I can help you through some stuff or point you in the right direction. Sorry, that was a little tangent. No, bizarre. Yeah, I know.

And Nick on the other side of it in this especially like, I think the biggest thing is he doesn't really have anyone to talk to about it in the sense of like he does, obviously he wants to completely respect Charlie's privacy with all this because it really it is Charlie's journey to take. But Nick is obviously going on his own journey dealing with all

this as the supportive partner. And so he he wants somebody to be able to talk to. And of course, that's where Nelly comes in, which we saw at the beginning, obviously. But in this this next little scene, Nick said something like, do you think he's OK? I think he's OK. I bet he made some friends as well. I think it's really sweet. You know, what's the the part that's kind of sad is like, you know, he probably would be saying a lot of that to his mom instead.

But as we all know, she's unavailable at this moment. Olivia Coleman would be walking by the door hearing this conversation and go and be like, all right, kid, let's talk. And then like also include Nelly in the conversation. Oh yeah, Nelly will be like fully in the lap. They're sitting on the couch eating pizza or something. And yeah, if only. Yeah, we need her back next

season. I seriously, the thing that I kind of wished but I kind of understand why we didn't get it was getting to hear from Aunt Diane after this. But I kind of get why, cuz, you know, like, I don't know, like she doesn't really play as much of A role in his recovery as you would think. Just from the beginning, the fact that she was the first person that Nick told about it. So it is, I was kind of sad. I was like, oh, she probably wanted to check in and be like, how's he doing?

How's everything? Are you guys OK? But obviously she would never do that because she highly respects privacy as well as as somebody who this is her job. But yeah, I, I, I think I just wanted an excuse to have more Hayley Atwell because I love her. That's fair. You could have like called her on the phone, you know? Yeah, maybe he did at some point. We just didn't get to see it, you know? It's fine.

That's fair. I. Think with with her line of work, she knows that people have to want to come to her and talk, which is why she doesn't reach out because she's like, I can ask, but if they're not ready to talk, then it's not going to work. So definitely much the you come to me and I will be here for you, but I will not push if you don't want me to.

True, true. The other thing I OK, I'm going to go back on my tangent about the music in this show, which I feel like I have to do every single episode. We do, though, there's this very subtle shift in this specific scene when he's when he's having this little talk with Nelly where it's been playing the song Black Friday throughout pretty much this entire sequence of Charlie going to the hospital and Nick saying goodbye, even all the way through, like, or yeah, I guess that's pretty much it.

Yeah. When they actually go to the clinic and it when the song fades out and I think it fades out like kind of as they're driving away and it fades into a part of the musical score for the show, which is the Byatis car Chase, who does all the musical score for the show. It's the same key, it's the same volume. It just very subtly fades into it. And I love that about the show that like it can do that.

It's just I didn't really notice it until the end of the scene though, because it starts like this little instrumental beat at the end. I just really liked that little subtle change. Just was very well done. This is a little random, but you know what I love that we all pick our own things that we focus on. We don't even pick them. It just happens.

But we all have our own things that we always talk about and I just, I love it. That's why there's three of us and why we have these conversations. Just thought I'd share that. Yeah, thank you for pointing that out. Speaking of Nick and fighting in that that journey for him, we then shoot over the next team, which is Nick hanging out with the rugby lads. So he's hanging out with them outside of school, which is good, and they're all at Nick's place playing Mario Kart.

And like Instagram, Mario Kart is the only video game in the Heartstopper universe. I just noticed that I have to point out that this isn't Mario Kart, this is actually Super Smash Brothers Ultimate. OK, so Mario themed games are the only games. Ridiculous amount of research because I don't actually play these games, but yes, Mario universe. The Mario universe the only one that exists. You guys literally could have just asked me. I play both of these games.

Well, you know, it was a lot easier to spend 20 minutes looking up screenshots and game plays on YouTube. Thank you, Caitlin. Until I finally asked HTP what Mario game has four players and counts scores and percentages at the bottom of the screen and it told me exact. I'm like, thank you. That's only one of the settings in the game though, so well, percentages is one of them, no? So that's so funny cuz yeah, up until now we've only seen them play Mario Kart. So I mean, same console, so

close enough. And also a lot of the characters are on Mario Kart that are also on Super Smash, especially on Mario Kart 8. So like, close enough, you know? OK, so like, like, we get Tumblr this season, we also get Super Smash Bros, so there we go. All right, Regardless, Nick is having fun and then one of the lads asks why Charlie hasn't

been in school. And poor Nick is now it has been trapped in the middle of the situation with Charlie and really can't tell other people about this deeply personal business that Charlie has. We saw him with do this with town. Now he's with his own friends having the same kind of situation. So he just like vaguely answers like he's sick. It's bad and luckily Trum educates men on emotional intelligence. More schools should do this.

And the lads don't press Nick. Instead they simply comfort Nick and say they're they're here for him and then immediately change the topic back to the game and give him space to kind of breathe. The rugby lads have grown so much themselves. Everybody's been on a journey since the very first episode, which is, you know, life and also the outline, you know, the epitome of a good TV show.

But I, I love that they responded like that because in media, again, in America, I'm used to American media, we see teens teasing each other and pushing too far to where things blow up. And then there's fights because America loves fighting. But this is showing them like, no, give, give them space. You be there if they need to talk, but it's OK if they can't say anything. And I just love that, again, teens have this example of a way to react to the situation. Representation.

Yeah. Because they gave him space like Nick was basically, they did a good job of doing what Nick failed to do, which is distracting him. OK, So in the scene, like, Nick is successfully distracted from all the worry and sorrow that he's been going through. And, you know, being the caregiver slash supportive partner in this situation, like, it's extremely taxing. And like we've seen Nick's point of view, it is taking a toll on

him. And often it's really difficult for the person in that role to set any kind of time aside for themselves, for their own mental health or physical well-being. And I think for someone like Nick, he strikes me of the type of person that like takes that role very seriously. And he's the type of person that like even wanting to take a break from Charlie's stuff can make him feel really guilty for

wanting to take the break. Because there's this comparison constantly going where like the supportive partners like, well, my problems are nothing compared to my partner's problems. So like, who am I to want to take a break? He can't take a break. I can't take a break. And so like, Nick neglects himself like in this cycle he's trapped in. And like, we can see part of him kind of deteriorating along with Charlie.

Like even in the scene, like he smiles a little bit, but like, still, it's clear he's like, in this montage, he's distracted from his own life. He's like he's not living his own life right now because he's trapped in the darkness with Charlie. And it's really taking a toll on him. And so I like the scene. And I think the scene is really important because he can't fully confide in people. Like nobody knows what Nick's

going through. He cannot talk about what he's going through because to do so breaches Charlie's trust to be honest about it. So yeah, he can talk to Nelly, who's a dog and can't communicate. But like Nick cannot tell his friends. Like Charlie's in the situation where like Charlie can divulge whatever he feels like divulging about because it's his

situation. But Nick is just in the middle and he's trapped in the middle and can't fully take care of himself because you fully can't be honest about the situation because he's protecting Charlie. And so I like in the scene that his supportive friends, being emotionally intelligent, recognizing the situation, give Nick the excuse to take a break. OK. And in the scene, like Nick's like, OK, you guys are having fun.

I'll have fun with you. Because he's that caregiver person, like where he's like, I got to people, please the people I'm with. And so because they're giving him the excuse to like finally breathe. Nick does have these small moments when he's like kind of relaxed and like clearly not worrying as much as he normally does because he lets himself get distracted by the game because his friends kind of require that of him.

So I think that is really important for a character like Nick who's not used to being the one that needs help and doesn't necessarily know how to ask for help. And he kind of can't in the situation. So he just like let's this moment happen and his friends facilitate that distraction for him because he couldn't do it for himself. So I do love that it's also he doesn't have to worry about being asked about Charlie now.

Like the he knows that the friends are like, OK, we don't have to talk about it. So he doesn't have to like worry that that might come up and that like he's not able to say anything. So I guess it's just like the stress that, oh, what do I do? If somebody asked me about him, I can't say anything. And then just like waiting for it to happen now, it's kind of like, OK, we can just be like, they know not to ask. It's just as normal as they can be now. Yeah, that's true.

I was I was more so pointing the fact out that they were even in his house to begin with because like we see later, it's hard for him to do normal stuff without Charlie. The fact that they were even there again, gave him an excuse to like take a break. And then the Charlie stuff just came up right. But like he was doing, he was letting himself be distracted and the friends were like

helping him as the distraction. So like again, Alice's point always is like your friendships are very important guys. Here's why. Like, that's the other point. But yeah. And now he can breathe around them going forward to be like, they're not going to press me on this thing I can't talk about. But Charlie did give him permission to tell the rest of the friend group. So like, to our question earlier, what did Tao and Isaac really know about Charlie's mental health stuff?

Now, everybody in the Paris squad knows what's going on with Charlie because he let Nick communicate that to them. And so in this scene, the gang has gathered to put together a care package for Charlie. They love picnicking and parks good for them. And they're picnicking, slash crafting or whatever. And everybody has their own thing that they're like contributing to the care package. And I love like the message of

what the items are. So Sahar wants to give himself care items like a face mask or something. So like that's a form of care packaging for somebody like Charlie that focuses on relaxation through a stressful time. Then Darcy wants to give him games and Isaac wants to give him books. So that's like escapism from, you know, his current situation, like because which is a way of taking a break. It's a, you know, from the situation.

So Charlie can keep going on this journey and Tao brings up movies and does he have a Blu-ray player, a way to watch a movie? And at first you're just like, OK, Tao's going to give him weird movie recommendations because it's Tao. But like in the background, Tao has the secret plan to like make a movie for Charlie, which is more so about like a way to give Charlie like, remember what's out there when you get out of this place?

Because like right now he can't communicate with other people because that's part of the process of like detoxing mentally and it's part of the healing journey for somebody going through a mental health kind of crisis to remove outside stressors and just get to the root of the problem in isolation before we start introducing stressors again. OK. And so Tau basically is offering Charlie like, hey Charlie, remember what's waiting for you. Remember all the happiness in your life outside.

Like gives him hope, something to look forward to out, you know, when he gets further far enough along his recovery to like get out of the and graduate from the rehab institute basically. And it's just a reminder you are loved, Charlie. You are not alone, even though you might feel that way going through this journey that only you can walk. Yeah. What I like about this is we don't get to see like Nick actually telling the group. We just get to hear Nick talk

about it in his journaling. And I mean, the reality is we don't need to see it. That's really the truth of it is like, we don't need to see it. It kind of it goes back to like that semblance of privacy for Charlie and for Nick, but also it's just a perfect example of show, don't tell. We basically hear in Nick's over voice over that Charlie said it's fine to tell them. And then we go straight into, OK, well, now they know. So this is what they're doing in

the aftermath of finding out. So we don't actually know the extent of how much they know. We just know they know why he's in the facility, and their immediate response is, well, let's send him a care package because we love him and he's struggling and we want him to know we love him.

So I love that so much. Also, somebody can correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I think that that place that they're filming this, I think that tree in the background is the same tree from Season 1 where Nick and Charlie are on the park. Yeah. I think it is too. That'd be really sweet if they if they brought all of their friends to their like, date spot. It's like their their hangout spot now. That would be so cute. Yeah.

So during this scene, while everybody's kind of like focusing on the care package, Tara and Nick have a little sidebar and Tara mentions that Sahar is throwing a massive Halloween party and she encourages Nick to take the night off because she really needs 1. So like, again, a subtle hit, a show not tell of just like Tara is still on her struggle. We're just not seeing all of it. And she's super stressed and she's like, I need a break from

my life. You probably do too, Nick, because we're like twinsies basically. And Nick expresses that he's like, yeah, cuz again, this is the caregiver who needs a break. And he's, like, taking a break. He's like, but it feels weird doing stuff without Charlie, like, normal stuff, you know? Yeah. I think Tara, Tara really gets it.

I mean, yeah, obviously, like in a very different situation that she was in with Darcy where like for the end of last season when prom when Darcy was not there, it's a very different setting, But there was that same feeling of like, where's my partner? She gets that feeling of separation. She gets being away from them, especially when you really want them there. And in this case it's not. Being able to make things better. Yeah, that too. Really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we cut to the Halloween party and we get to see Nick approaching as Captain America and he's the saddest looking Captain America. Give him a hug. He is very sad Captain America, but as sad as he looks on the outside. I found a picture of the actual Captain America in the movie even sadder. OK Chris Evans. I can't remember all the Chris's, I don't know their last names. Chris Evans. And this Captain America is after a battle.

There's scars and cuts all over his face. And he's like, why? Why Earth? Why? Anyway, that's Nick on the inside. Because all of this has left him with scars now because, oh, yeah, I mean, he just got his, his heart's not with him right now. His heart is at a facility trying to repair itself. So there's there's a lot going on even more on the inside than what he's showing. I mean, Speaking of Captain America, do we even dare mention the fact that his aunt is Agent Carter? Which Oh.

Yeah, love that. That's, I know, so freaking funny. Like it's just why she's not alone. I got to the Captain America for it's just, I don't remember who that is. So in the first Captain America movie, she's the love interest for for Captain America, for Steve Rogers. Yeah. Captain America, OK. And the actor Hayley Atwell, who plays on Diane play, that's who she plays in the movie. So yeah, I so funny, the subtle. Did they do that on purpose? You know what I know.

Did they cast her on purpose for that reason? I'm sure it was more than that, but I feel like. Marco has so many ties into Heart Stopper it's ridiculous. I'm waiting for a crossover now. I know Disney needs to get. On that. They need to do that scene where they're watching Agatha all along and just goes, hey, he's kind of hot. If this if this was streaming on Disney plus they I feel like they would definitely do it. They would have to. That's cross marketing gold

right there. I didn't really recap this scene. OK, So basically Nick kind of goes through the he goes to the party and he's just like, it's a montage of basically like Nick kind of having a good time and then like getting really overwhelmed by being at this party because it's one of those things where he's like, yeah, I do need to blow off some steam. But then he gets there and it's like, it is weird without Charlie. And like Nick doesn't really know what to do with himself.

And like, it's a big, loud place and it gets really overwhelming. And I like to do this thing with the music where like as time goes on during this whole party sequence, like the music starts crescendoing and getting louder and louder because like Nick's getting overwhelmed and we keep getting these cuts of like Nick participating and then sitting down on the couch with like the skeleton. And just like the party is moving around him and he just looks so alone and kind of sad.

So he kind of like waxes and wanes with his like happiness of this party because like this is a lot to be there without Charlie, especially when all his friends are coupled up. Like Elle even comes like all the couples are there. And like Nick's going solo when he shouldn't or when he he doesn't want to be. Not that he shouldn't. He doesn't want to be. He wants to be with Charlie.

And in the prior scene when we had the picnic and Tara's like, hey, did you know about this party that was happening? Halloween party? And Nick's like, yeah, Imogen keeps sending me couples costumes idea. It was like, OK, weird. And then we get to the party and Imogen sees him as Captain America and she's like, what the hell, You're supposed to be the Ken to my Barbie.

And Nick's like, well, I just happen to have Marvel costumes, which makes sense that Nick would just have like Captain America costume lying around probably. But we start getting into, like, more heavy-handed hints of what's going on with Imogen in the compet storyline, and it becomes very apparent in this party sequence. Yeah. Because, like, again, they're supposed to be Barbie and Ken, which is AKA the perfect couple in toy form. Yeah.

So there's that aspect. And then what she says to Nick why she's disappointed. She says Nick, what about the photos? Because she's doing it for the photos. It's not that she wants to like, be the Barbie to Nick's Ken. She's like, I want photos of us together as the perfect couple. So like it's very becoming very evident with Imogen and more of her lines that like she's doing all this as a kind of a performance.

She's overcompensating. And so I posted something on our like, I don't know, social media is about Imogen being an underrated character. One person was like, I don't like Imogen. Imogen annoys the hell out of me. And it's like, yeah, Imogen's supposed to be kind of annoying because she's overcompensating constantly. She's not really being herself. And that can be really annoying to be around somebody who's, like, kind of inauthentic in a way.

And it's like, we get to the root of, like, why Imogen does what she does. Like, really, in this sequence, it becomes pretty, pretty apparent she's her life as a performative personality, why she's trying to adapt. Yeah, she's adapting. I mean, she doesn't even know who she is. No. Well, that's that's what. Yeah. That's her journey. She needs to figure out who she is in life and not who she thinks she's supposed to be. Mm Hmm. Yep, Yep, Yep.

Yeah, yeah. And then after that, we've got Tao comes in with this costume that cracks me up. He's making this video for Charlie, as we've said, and he's asks Nick, what will what do you want to say to your boyfriend? And Nick has just like this this very long pause, first of all, where he just stares into the camera this like the puppy dog golden retriever eyes of Nick Nelson.

And he has this vision of CC's like holding the camera and he lowers it and he smiles and he's standing in his room. Charlie is like in shadow, but then he is illuminated in the back by that music sign in his room, like completely lit up behind him, and he's smiling at Nick, and Nick just pauses and all he says is hi, Charlie, I love you. It's so heartbreaking. He says that though.

He's just like cuz, like he's miserable at this party cuz Charlie's not there and so they get asked this question. He's like, all I want to do is tell Charlie I love him right now and I can't. It's so sad. Yeah, it's not like he can say it's. Also the only thing he could say. Yeah, like what is he going to say? I miss you? Like that's going to if anything, I I think he's worried that that would make Charlie feel bad. Sure, sure. Like oh God, Oh no. I think though in.

This party sequence, like Nick is very much retreating into his own head. Like that's kind of like the vibe I get from the cuts, the way this is edited between him with his friends and then him by himself. And and it's like time passes when he's by himself because they have like the bodies like circling around him through the party. So I think like he's in his head and really misses Charlie. And so like this is literally all he can say without breaking down on camera.

I think is the other thing is we do get him breaking down because he's just kind of miserable here. And then before we do, OK, go ahead, I said. But before we do, Isaac takes control of the camera because this is apparently a group project between Isaac and Tao. We come to fight out later and he's documenting real life and catches Imogen and Sahar making out. And like, Nick walks into it because Nick's always third Wheeling. Sapphic women, like, constantly.

Like that's just like Nick's thing. He's always third Wheeling the queer ladies silly whether he wants to or not. He's like God damn it again. So basically, if you want to find a girlfriend, take Nick somewhere. And just the expression on his face is the funniest part to me though. Just like he doesn't do like the cartoonish style, like, Oh my God. He just like stares. Like you can just tell like a plus acting by Kit in the scene, he just goes, huh? Like, just yeah, that just was

the funniest thing. And of course, in that next scene, when after Sahar storms off, we hear Imogen like she's throwing up in the toilet because she's had, as we find out later, a whole ass bottle. It's a kilo girl. How are you not dead? First of all, my God. Wasn't the first time, Elena? Apparently not. God, that would. I would be dead. I would be dead. Yeah. It's like everyone kisses everyone when they're drunk. I'm allowed to experiment. Yeah, sure, Imogen. Sure. Everybody kisses.

Yeah. OK, that's. Everyone practice kissing with their best friend, right? When they're super. Only when they're super wasted though, yeah. OK, but let's unpack this. I was going to unpack this later when the line comes up about the tequila because we get like the tail end of this in the video. But let's talk about it now because I think this is really important, OK? As you mentioned, a bottle of tequila is like a death sentence. That's poison for some people. That's a lot to drink.

So this girl came into this party without a man on her arm. And what did she do? She drank an entire bottle of alcohol, which to me is like a form of like, self harm in a way to drink that much. So I get the sense that like, she was felt uncomfortable being at this party because she wasn't tethered to a man. A quote for the pictures. So like, she can't perform the way she wants to.

So she's on her own, OK. And she can't hide with a man, which is the comp head competitor, you know, compact impulse, right? So she's on her own. So what's another compact thing? You know, be gay when you're drunk for men, right? So like she tries to play it off as that be like, no, no, it's fine. Like whatever. Like is a performance. Like, people do that when they're drunk for all kinds of reasons, including the male gaze, right?

So she could hide easily hide under that as like, that's what I was doing. I was drunk. Yeah, I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. So like either the drinking was a way to like she was so nervous, she just drank so much because she wasn't tethered to Nick or she was doing it as an excuse to like explore who she really is and then have the excuse of being like, I was drunk. It didn't mean anything.

I was just drunk. And like in the toilet scene with Nick where she's like saying all and remember, she's a bottle of tequila in at this point. And just like her truth is coming out to Nick and she's like, no, no, no. Like even in her truth, she's still like denying everything and it's just hiding. I think she's terrified of just like exploring whatever the hell

is there. To me, this whole drinking binge for her is like a really dangerous sign that like she's definitely not OK and she's scared. And this is all like scared behavior. And she gave herself 1 moment of giving into whatever she feels and then immediately it's like PR damage control to be like, it's fine. People do this when they're drunk. It's just normal. This is normal compact behavior. When you're drunk, it's fine.

It doesn't mean anything. So it's just really sad because like, this is so many people's lives, like real life stuff that's being portrayed through Imogene. And it's really sad that just the level of just denial that like goes into that when you're yeah, it's so it's indoctrination, the compet stuff. And just like it becomes self hatred. So I think that's part of the like, it's really sad she drank

that much. I think she's just so miserable with her current life and she probably doesn't even recognize the full extent of it. It's just really sad to see. I'm wondering if the performative nature of her life personality is a way to overcompensate for the thoughts and feelings that she has when she thinks or looks at Sahar. So maybe by having Nick on her arm as her Ken, that would be a way to keep her distracted enough that she doesn't even

think about Sahar like that. But now that she's alone, she's like, what do I do? So she drinks alcohol, which is that's also how alcoholism forms. So image. And we got really work on this or else this is not going to end up well for you. But everybody's on a journey. Yep. So that's the beginning. This is probably the most explicit compat stuff we get into with Imogene that that's really sad and unfortunately real. This is real. This is real.

It's way of a lot of like women like in their 30s being like, I didn't, I just realized I was queer the whole fucking time. It's just because it's just so and it's so indoctrinated into women in particular to be like, you need to find a man, blah, blah. And like Imogene is living those steps and just like miserable. And I feel like she doesn't know why. And then like things like this happen and immediately denial PR mode, I have to, you know,

change the narrative. Like it's just it's awful for Imogen. But we'll get back to Imogen later in her story. But this is really where it peaks for now. So, Speaking of miserable. Yeah, Speaking of miserable, Speaking of miserable. Then Nick basically retreats into a corner cuz he's again so overwhelmed and I think he's just miserable being here without Charlie and Tao follows him.

They sit down too quickly, huh? Before right before this, there is this transition ish shot where everything is just, you can tell it's becoming too much for Nick. And the way they shoot it is just like everyone's moving so fast behind him. Everything is coming at him, and it's just overwhelming him to the point where he's shutting down himself. And that's when he finds a place where he can just be not Nick doesn't have to be in front of people playing the role of someone who's fine.

And then, yeah, so he does retreat, and Tao finds him. And then there's no word spoken, really. Tao just pulls like, Nick, like, is sitting with him. And he looks away from Tao because he's like, at his breaking point. He can't hide his emotions anymore. And so Tao without saying anything, just like pulls Nick into like A1 armed hug and just holds Nick while Nick cries. And it's first of all, such a Tao thing to do. And this is like Tao being like,

I love you. I got you, Nick, I will support you. I can be your shoulder to lean on because like, you need to lean on somebody Because at this point, the friends know what's going on with Charlie. And like, Tao is perceptive enough, I think, to see the the toll this is taking on Nick. And I love how far these two in particular have come with their friendship. And it's just really beautiful. Oh, yeah. Because Tao was like, not a Nick fan in the beginning.

No, but something that I really like is when Tao sits down next to Nick, he doesn't immediately pull him into this hug. He's just sits there and lets Nick figure out what he means. And I think when Nick looks away, he can tell that Tao can tell that Nick is trying to like hold things in, and that's when

he pulls him closer. And when Nick finally feels like he can let it all out, it's kind of like, I don't know if you ever experienced this, but when someone hugs you and it's just like the emotion just gets too overwhelming and it just all pours out because like, you finally have someone that you can lean on and not hold it in. And so I really love that Tao gave Nick the moment to figure out what he needs. Like, does he want him to? Does he even want Tao to be

there to comfort him? He he, there's just like this moment where he had the option to do something. And also in the scene, it's, there is very little light. I mean, it's very well lit, but the light source is very small. The main light that we see like physically see in the shot is this dangling string light that's hanging down. And it's kind of like Nick's light is dimming in this at this point. And it's getting harder for him

to be positive and optimistic. Like the darkness is taking over just like it did with Charlie. Again, it's not in the same way, but you're seeing how it affects the partner as well. And it's OK if that happens, like when that happens because it's going to, it's you're going through it too because you are their partner and it's OK to feel similar things. It's OK to ask for help because you are going through it as

well. I wonder if there's a part of me that has wondered like I just thought about this like recently, like because of the choice of like having Tal be the one that comes to comfort Nick given the previous scene when he brings up Charlie. No one has mentioned Charlie at this party until Tao does this. I I assume like given what we've seen in the the actual show, part of me wonders if Tao is like worried like did he trigger Nick by mentioning Charlie?

He brought up Charlie and when Nick had that look on his face during the video where his eyes just went kind of almost like glossy, he's like, oh, oh, OK. And I love, I love first of all, Will's, Will's execution of this scene, like being a comfort to Nick for Tal to be comfort. How subtle, the way that he puts his arm around Nick. This is just something that I love. He puts it around Nick enough to where he's not like quite pulling Nick in.

He kind of leaves room for Nick to lean into him. He doesn't like actually pull him. Nick just kind of goes on his own and I love that. He's like leaving him the room, like I'm here if you want it. And as soon as Nick turns, he's like, OK, I got you. And I love that. Yeah, he's given the option. Basically, he's letting Nick consent to how he wants this to

be handled. I know I just the look on his face, like when Nick like does like start to cry on him, like he, he almost looks like helpless, like he just kind of is like, what do I do now? How do I help? And I wonder if it's also that, but but also like seeing Nick breakdown like this. Like he still doesn't really know the extent of how bad it is with Charlie and how bad it's been affecting Nick until this moment.

Like, especially because he he knows, given their previous encounters, like back in the last episode, he knows that this has been going on for a while, but he just didn't know that that Nick was especially having to deal with it. So yeah. Take it away. On to the next part. So next month, now we go into November, we get the November title card and Charlie finally decides to call Nick from where he is in the clinic because they have a phone there. They have a landline there that

he can use. And the first thing I just thought was really funny is Charlie. Nick talks about assuming he talks about the Halloween party, tells Charlie what happened. Nick goes, maybe I'll get you to dress up as Spider Man next year, which that was cute. And Charlie just goes, your marvel agenda is never going to work on me. Which Alice, you do this on purpose. I swear to God she does does it on purpose. Like obviously it did work on

you Charlie, but OK, whatever. But also you guys haven't seen Alice didn't make fan art of this after he did of Charlie and Nick doing the upside down, Kansas spider man and Mary Jane. It's really cute, it's really funny. I love when she does this, does this also. I don't know. Did we talk about the like fan art from years ago of Charlie and Nick dressing up as hopefully a Wiccan? Yeah, I think we did that in the

last. Episode ish can Alice is this Is this a theory that Alice can just tell the future? Like is this a thing right? Or maybe she draws the future like she just she creates the future. She doesn't even have to think about it. It just happens. Plot twists. They're going to have a fourth Spider Man added into the next Spider Man movie, and it's going to be Joe. That's Joe. They're casting Joe that wouldn't know. I don't know. Would that make sense though? That would be a plot twist.

I mean, it's also Spider Man. Right. It doesn't make sense. But on the phone call with Nick, Charlie bluntly tells him that he has anorexia and OCD. There's no hesitation there, where there has always been pauses and kind of just stumbling over words of trying to communicate what is going on with Nick. And I attribute this to the fact that he's now in this setting where 24/7, it's about mental health.

All these terms are being used. Everything is so normalized for him now to the point where it's easier to have a conversation about these things, talk about it, because he literally has to

live this day in and day out. And in a way this is really good because it's now it's becoming normalized for him and he's not ashamed to be admitting it. So now that it's normalized in his brain, it's there's less of an obstacle of him communicating what is going on. And again, he is no longer bursting into tears right away trying to tell Nick what is going on. So there is some growth, even though it seems like he's being too blunt or there's like no

emotion when he first says it. And it kind of seems like he's closing off or shutting himself off. But the fact that he's he's able to say it, I think is a big step for him. I feel like Nick's, it sounds like Nick might. It's very likely he's the first person that Charlie has told like what his actual diagnosis is outside of like the actual institution or the facility that he's in. Aside from like possibly Tori, like I, we don't really know because we don't see it.

We don't know. I don't even think on the other side of things, when we see Charlie's perspective, we don't get when he tells his parents or if, if he's even the one that tells his parents, how do they find out about his OCD and his anorexia and all that? We don't really see any of that. So my assumption is Nick probably is the very first person that he has told anything from what it sounds like. You might have told Tori, because we know that they have that one-on-one at the picnic table.

But at the same time, Tori might try to steer the conversation away from it and try to create things to be normal because she also needs Charlie to be OK. So if they can have that sense of normalcy, she has a lot going on herself. So just being able to be their old dynamic I think benefits both of them in that situation. So yeah, it really is a 5050 on whether or not she she knows at this point.

But I don't see Charlie calling up his parents and being like, hey, this is what's going on today. Yeah, I know. Definitely not. The thing is, like, I, I think Tori does know at that stage. It's not, it's the question is, did Charlie tell his parents or Tori? Because Charlie's a minor. So like the doctors have to tell his parents like his diagnosis and stuff because he's not an autonomous person, he's a minor.

So like they have to know. So the parents probably told Tori if Charlie didn't tell them. But to Elena's point, if like if Nick is the first person he's telling like out loud, that would be huge. The thing is though, remember, we're still in Nick's point of view. So like from Nick's point of view, he has not talked to Charlie in months.

And like here's Charlie very bluntly telling him what is going on with him as opposed to the last time we were with Charlie. And Nick, like Charlie could barely talk about it. Like here he is just bluntly being like, this is what's wrong with me. Like what a 180 for Nick in his first conversation with Charlie since he parted ways with him. Like, that's already jarring.

That's why Nick's like, oh, and and to Charlie Craig, he's like, yeah, there's no way to segue into this, but like he just bluntly told him like this, this thing, the thing that's going on, like that's jarring for Nick because like, wow, that Charlie's already different to Nick, whose point of view were in. Yeah, that's that's a big change because now he has to like relearn ways, not fully relearn, but like he's like, Charlie is, yeah, changing.

So what he needs from Nick is also going to be changing. So now Nick has to do some relearning when Charlie gets back. Obviously he can't do it too much now. And it's now it's even harder over the phone because he can't even see Charlie to figure out what he's feeling because Charlie's very expressive. So a lot of what he doesn't say is shown on his face and body

language. So with that taken away, all he knows is from the tone of his voice, of Charlie's voice, Nick gets a lot out of this conversation because like, again, Charlie's being very blunt about his mental illness. He jokes in this conversation. So like without facial expressions, like Nick can pick up a lot that like Charlie is more himself. He's he's he is better than he was the last time they parted ways when Charlie was very just closed off snapping like Charlie is.

He's having more emotions even just verbally over the phone. So, you know, there's a good indications here from Nick's point of view. I have to wonder too, for Charlie's sake, like because I know a lot of people experience this when they get a diagnosis, even if there's like that initial shock, then it's kind of like it is also a sense of clarity because it's like, oh, OK.

Because like, like in my in my line of work, we have times where we give like tests and if a test comes back negative, sometimes it's a lot less helpful because then we don't know how to treat it. Yeah. Like what is the condition? Why is it, Why is there health like this? And it's like, if it's a negative test, well, now we don't know what's going on, at least if it was a positive test. OK, well, we know what medication they need to be on. I'll say I'm sure theory.

You probably have that all the time. I understand your work. So it's like. Yeah, everyday I do this. Yeah. And you hear like people who have any type of like neurodivergence, they hear like they get a diagnosis for it and they're like, oh, OK. Cuz it's like it suddenly clicks like this makes sense. It also is validating. Like, OK, it's not that there's something necessarily wrong with me. This is just like, this is what

I'm dealing with. And also like, OK, well, now I know this is this is what other people have done to help it, to help treat it, to help get used to it, to work through it. And so that's got to be such a clarity for him, especially like because he says in the conversation, yeah, I was kind of surprised about the OCD part. But it seems like maybe that's also given him a lot of clarity on like, why it's not just his

eating disorder. It is something on top of it which we also see like that actual diagnosis later on in the episode and how that all makes sense. Yeah, having a name for it definitely gives you like a sense of relief in the fact that it's not just you.

There is something going on. There is, this is something that other people go through and you, you can learn more about it and it opens up your eyes to, oh, these are all things that stem from, it's not just me. Like for people with ADHD, like they could be called lazy their whole lives. Oh no, there's like all these things that you have trouble with because it, you're not neurotypical.

So all these issues that you that you have been struggling with, it's not because you haven't tried, it's because there isn't there is an underlying issue going on. I don't think issue was the right term to use here, but forgive me. No, but it's also very similar to finding a label for yourself like sexuality, gender. Just having that label is also another way to know who you are.

Find that reassurance just a name for it because especially with people who maybe are romantic and we see it with Isaac too, He when he kind of finds that label, he becomes steps more into himself. Like he he knows more about himself and it's empowering to some people. Yeah, but not everybody needs that. And not everybody needs to diagnose this either unless, you know, it's like a critical life threatening.

I hope you get the Anyway during this phone call Charlie also says oh he OK. So Charlie's laughs a little after telling him, telling Nick about his diagnosis, and he says, sorry, I have to laugh about it or I'll just cry, which is so relatable. It's a shitty thing to go through, but if you use humor as a coping mechanism, you get some really great dark jokes out of it. Maybe people around you don't appreciate it, but they're very funny to you. Just thought I'd add that.

So now that he's had this conversation with Nick, then we go to basically the first, like, meeting with like, Nick seeing Charlie and he's accompanied by Charlie's family. And it's the cute little reunion. But then after the reunion, they go outside and they sit on this picnic bench where Charlie gets the gift box from the friends. And I love the shot. It's really cute because it has Nick sitting on the same side with Charlie giving him the gift

box. And Charlie opens it and there's like a big heart already on the first thing in the box. And his family's like hunched over and we get like the leaves swirling. So like, things are getting better and it's just a cute, cute shot because like everybody, Charlie, all he loves is with him in the scene, even the friends who aren't physically with him.

And so like, again, it's that piece of the outside that Charlie has waiting for him, which is a bunch of love and support from so many people, which is important. Also subtle detail, the fact that there is not only the animated leaves, but there's also the real leaves on the ground that we really get to see in the aerial shot of the picnic table, which is like so cute. And also like, it makes sense because it's it's the middle of autumn. So it's like, yeah, sure. OK.

But it's like, I don't know it like if it's supposed to be like a symbolism of like the animated leaves or like Charlie's inner, sorry, Charlie's, Charlie's inner love or whatever, his inner, like what's going on in his head and the love he's feeling. And then the leaves are actually just like, this is the love that surrounds him. That's kind of the vibe that I got from like that shot, that symbolism. So yeah, I just love that. Or it's just fall and the leaves are pretty.

And you know what? That's also perfectly acceptable cause autumn leaves are gorgeous, so I agreed. If it wasn't hard stopper it would be that. But no, it's probably the symbolism thing. Leaves are always, always have meaning in the show. Yeah, Speaking of leaves, there are leaves all over the walls in the eating disorder clinic, which means the hope and light has followed Charlie. So it's a good omen with him going to this place because if it was just plain no leaves, it

might not end up well. I wonder if people who don't read the comics, like anybody who goes straight into the show blind, who doesn't like any of the heart stop or lore from before the show, if they like ever notice the leaves and like all the background stuff I want. I wonder if like people like that would even notice that those details. I think it happens enough where you do because I started watching the show I'm sure I probably missed it.

Pretty sure Theor taught me a lot in the first season but I came into the show not knowing anything so. But I think it definitely does happen enough where it there's pivotal moments where the leaves start going around them and like the butterflies with Chow and L, there's definitely things that they make it consistent enough where you pick up on it. OK, so something that surprises me and it's just because, again,

I have a similar situation ish. It's like that Charlie was allowed to get stuff from his family and they're able to bring stuff into him to give to him. Especially the string holding the top Trump's game together, which I had to look up that that's an actual game. And fun fact, when I was watching this all I saw the words that my brain focused on was gay Trump. And my brain was very great. I was like, yes, that should be a game. No, that was that was literally me the first time too.

So I'm like, I totally get it. I was like. I didn't look into what the actual game is, but it's I have no idea. I just know that there's cards involved. So but yeah, like I'm surprised that he's allowed to have string. And because especially since Charlie had self harm behaviors coming into the treatment, he shouldn't have been able to have laces on his sneakers in his like the drawstrings like and clothes and anything like that because it's a hazard to him and

also the people around him. But I did find out that I should have known this, but I remember heard through research that Charlie's treatment differed from the books to the show. So in the show, he enters a private eating disorder clinic, but in the book he goes to the emergency department and they

place him in ANHS hospital. So these are two very different experiences that he has depending on which medium you consume Heart Stopper. So in when he's at the clinic in the show, it seems it has more of a homey, laid back feel and it has less restrictions. It's meant to not make it seem like you're taken out of the real world as much. But he had his bed is like nicely made, he has two pillows, a nice comforter. So it's trying to create a sense of normalcy as much as they can there.

Whereas if he was in an actual hospital affiliated setting, there would be a lot more restrictions. It would be more sterile ish. Again, this is what I know from my experience. So it's one experience reading other people's experiences, they're quite similar. So like the possibilities that would happen if he was in a hospital affiliated center, yeah, treatment facility would be like the furniture is bolted down.

You do see his furniture, the bed frame is, but there are other things that are not connected to the room and they're connected. So there's no possibility of someone using it to harm themselves because especially in a general facility, there's a lot of people with suicidal ideation. So that is a risk to everybody. And it could he also might only have one pillow and one sheet

for a blanket. And if they have a bathroom in their room, there could be a mat instead of a door because if someone's hurting themselves, they need to easily be able to RIP it down. And then also something you might not think about is can't have normal pens. And there'd be like little rubber things that are very annoying to write with, just so you know. So just some possible things that he could have had to deal with if this was a different setting.

That's weird. It kind of feels like prison, not that I've been to prison, but it's, it's just, I mean, it's designed so that you it's designed based off the level of

risk of the person. And so the other thing too is that Charlie's family is wealthy enough to be able to afford a private institution, which that's a piece that's a position of privilege for Charlie to be in where he didn't have to resort to like the, you know, ambulance taking him to the ER because he self harmed or whatever. And entry into the, you know, mental health setting that way. And like going the Ed route usually indicates a higher risk patient. And so a higher risk patient is

going to a higher risk setting. And so hence the difference is there too. So I feel like because just because Charlie had a history of of self harm wouldn't necessarily put him in on suicide ideation like watch necessarily in this particular institution versus like if he was admitted to the ER because of self harm, then you're automatically you're higher risk at that point.

And they're like, you cannot be at a, you know, non bolted down furniture facility like you're you were actively in that headspace. So maybe that's why. Anyway, the private institution definitely changes a lot of aspects and he's fortunate enough to be able to do that.

Yeah. And honestly, so like at the very end of this whole transition, Nick basically says like something along the lines of like, in the end, I think it really did help him, which, you know, we're glad that we get to see that tail end now, especially after having gone through the whole journey through Nick's perspective, getting to see that Nick kind of has come out the other side in his own way. And so there is a doorbell that

rings. And Nick, I feel like just given the smile that he gets, he immediately knows that it's probably Charlie because as far as he knows, I'm not expecting anybody. And as he runs downstairs and he opens the door, we don't see Charlie. But what we do get is a very quick rewind montage. Where we basically rewind through the entirety of this whole journey that Nick went on as Charlie was in the facilities. And I, I love it because this

does two things really well. It does remind us how far that both Nick and Charlie have come. But primarily, obviously Nick is the focus. So it shows how far Nick has come on his journey, but it also like gives us a super duper quick recap in a way of what we just watched as we go into Charlie's side of things. So there's a lot that it basically spares us having to repeat this entire story, which I think we talked about earlier on.

We don't have to necessarily give every single detail of what just happened. Again, through Charlie's perspective. We can kind of fill in the blanks very easily now in certain situations because we already know the baseline of what's just happened. And I love that so much, how that was done with this, with this rewind. So we know everything's going to be OK Again, we are reminded everything's going to be OK, but now we get to see really how Charlie got through it so.

Yeah, the storytelling in this episode is absolutely fantastic. Top tier. And the way it converges to where we left off with Nick at the end is just utterly brilliant. So at this point, we switched to Charlie's point of view entirely. And we see what September through, what the fall was like through Charlie's point of view. And Charlie at this point, when we start, is journaling. And not because his friends encourage him, but because his therapist said it might be

helpful. So he's kind of like reliving it in hindsight a little bit too, because he's journaling versus like Nick was journaling as well. So anyway, so it's kind of parallel journaling is going on here. So where we start with him as we start with the the GP visit or if you're in the states, that's like your primary care physician who's a General practitioner is another term for him. So he's with his mom and he's undergoing the mental health questionnaire that a physician

would do in this situation. And the mom is here because he's a minor, he's not an adult. So mom has to be here for this and he's going through the questions. Everything's a no, no, no from Charlie until we get to the are you thinking about food all the time question. And this is where Charlie box and he doesn't have an automatic no as his answer and he literally says nothing.

He just starts to shut down and mom sees him panicking and immediately jumps in and says yes to the doctor and like is facing the doctor. And then she looks back at Charlie after a beat and she's like and takes his hand and then goes, would you say that's accurate, Charlie? Is that what I just said? So to your point earlier, Elena, like it seems like after Charlie sat in the room with the letter and told his parents what was going on, his mom seems a lot

more. She had a coming to Jesus moment, shall we say, And it seems to be a lot more compassionate towards Charlie, which is a very different dynamic for them. Like yes, in this scene, she did steamroll him initially for his own good by answering the question to the doctor because Charlie never answers it really. He like, nods at the end, but he he can't. And it's like, so hard for him to answer.

But then she cracks her instinct, which is to jump in by turning to Charlie, taking his hand to comfort him and saying, is that accurate? So like, she's changing, which is really good. Yeah. It's a huge development that she actually turned back to him and consulted him instead of just speaking because obviously with him shutting down, you know the answer to this.

But she is giving him the power in a sense, to physically, like, verbally say it or if she's wrong, to let her know that instead of just being like, yes, fix him. Yeah. Also just pro tip, because my wife does this, you have to tell doctors what's wrong because they're not mind readers. Like, she'll go to doctors and be like, well, they should know what's wrong with me. And like, they don't know if you don't tell them.

So this is one of those situations, like if Charlie never answered, like, the doctor could just check off no. And then he would never get the help he needs. So like, you need to be honest in these scenarios, Like, you have to. The doctor's not a mind reader. Like it's good that mom did this, but the, the key here is like she's being more compassionate.

And so I do wonder from Charlie's point of view how he actually feels about this dynamic because in this moment he's drowning under the question of like, Oh my God, the D eating

disorder. And so he's not really focused on mom, but like I wonder if he's like happy about it that like mom's not like attacking him every 5 seconds or like put off that mom like quote pities him because that could be another thing too that kind of plays into his mental health spiraling and maybe why he was snapping at the friends. So like, I wonder how he feels having this change of heart and this mothering, this babying kind of coming from his mom.

If it's like helping or hurting, you know what I mean? I think immediately it could be the pity one that he was thinking about, but he would probably think about it later, just ruminating about like the whole experience. And he's probably super grateful that this didn't end up in a

fight. Because if it was the dynamic that we saw a few episodes ago, she could have been upset with him for not speaking and she could have like gotten on his case for like being like just tell him, tell him what's going on. But this time she she was showing more compassion and understanding and they they they both their relationship got to a rock bottom and they're slowly coming back now. Yeah, unfortunately it takes a disaster too. Yeah. I assume it's a mixture of things for Charlie.

Just it would just be interesting to explore how he feels about us. But anyway, so like they leave the GP and as we know, like the next appointment for the referral is like months out. And so Charlie's kind of alone in his room isolating himself like in this way to get better is just torturing him. And even when he's alone, we see that his mind is plaguing him because that's where he's

trapped really. And we get this kind of like animation slash comic book little thing of just like the glass fracturing around Charlie basically, because I think everything is so overwhelming. He feels like he's something

inside of him is breaking. It's a breaking point, if you will, like literally being demonstrated here because I think it's impossible for Charlie to perform at this point as if everything is perfect and just pretend I'm normal and like, go to school, like I'm fine because I think he feels broken on the inside. And like, all of those normal

things made me feel impossible. And so I think because it's so overwhelming, that's why he decides like, yes, I should go to that rehab institute after like he has the conversation with Nick that we saw because he needs help sooner than January. Yeah, I love the the subtle switch going back to the music in this show, like I do the moment that we switch from this scene, which I appreciate that he he literally just like says it's still really hard to talk about.

And that's pretty much as far into it as we get from Charlie's side, because in that vein, it's like he still really doesn't want to go back and talk about it. And I appreciate that that's kind of all we're left with in this side of his, in his side of the story. But then as soon as it's flips over to the moment, it goes straight from this scene to him in the car going to the clinic

to go get proper care. And immediately the music starts playing as the opening notes of the song called Serotonin, by the way. Excellent song. The whole thing is about like recovery and everything. And the song is like has such hopeful tones to it from the get go. It's just, it was like the perfect song of choice, honestly, because this is the song that, like, plays through pretty much the entirety of this sequence of Charlie getting the help that he needs.

So Numa. And then we head we get to the eating disorder clinic and Charlie's family is helping him get settled into his new home for the next few months and they were actually able to come back with him and set him up rather than just say goodbye at the door, which was very nice. I know. And then one of the things he says is I'm lucky my parents were even able to afford it, which in itself says so much. I think.

I think you guys had mentioned this earlier, like a big reason why many people don't even get, don't get the help they need is because they literally just can't afford it. Like because it does cost money. It is impossible for some people to get that care because money is involved and they just don't have it. And it's, it's heartbreaking. Again, we don't have as much resources as we should in this in this country, but also everything has a paywall in this

country, which is insane. Like just just to make sure people are OK. Yeah, we should not be taking Ubers instead of ambulances if we need an ambulance anyway. So true. So Tori is helping him put up

photos on his wall. And I think she chose to do this because it's the only way she knows how to bring happiness to Charlie. She there's literally nothing else she can do. But at least she can be a part, a small part of making him be reminded that he isn't alone, that there is happiness in his life. And of course these photos are of Nick, but her way of being a part of this is just by facilitating, by helping them get put up. And then we see Charlie gets his

phone taken away. And it's because anything with a camera cannot be, You cannot have anything with a camera. And it's for the safety of everyone there, which is very valid because who knows? There's some creepy people that could be taking photos. And well, it's not. It wouldn't be HIPAA over there, but. I was gonna ask like is that is that the whole purpose of that? Because I was curious because I didn't, they didn't specifically say is that for that reason so that people can't like take

photos with their people or? Is it for? Yeah, they said it's for the safety of everyone there. But yeah, they don't want to do that. But I mean, I assume that they didn't weren't allowed to have phones because they also don't want them connected to the Internet, that you're supposed to disconnect. The phone's a distraction. I was reading a few places in the UK. So again, I did way too much research on this stuff as I typically do.

And they, they are allowed to have phones in some places and it's just, you can't have it during groups. So it really, again, it depends on the facility. Every, every single facility is different of their requirements. But yeah, it's it's typically just so they don't like disassociate and just go in their phone. But he is then he OK. So Charlie asks how he can talk to his friends, though. And he's told that he can use the landline. And this is relatable too.

So public service announcement, make sure you have a core group of phone numbers memorized in this digital world. We don't memorize phone numbers anymore. But it's all it's you never know what can happen in life. Have. At least a couple memorized that you can call, just say. But it's encouraging that Charlie is asking about how to talk to his friends because it didn't. It means that he didn't fully

isolate himself. And he still wants to be in contact with them, which he might not want to talk to them at this very second, but he's thinking about it. So he's being hopeful for some point. The next morning Charlie is in the common room sitting with Suzanne or Susan Susan and drawing and we see him use the negative self talk and he says that his drawing is bad. It should be noted that this drawing is damn good.

And. Instead of telling him to reframe the statement, there are definitely providers who would just use psychology talk therapist speak the whole time. Susan connects with him and says, well, we can all be artists. And they both start chuckling. And I was trying to figure out like fully what happened. I didn't know if it was because they both know his drawing wasn't bad. But she also picks up another paper, so I think she drew something too.

And it must have been like a BLOB of something that was even worse. That was definitely worse than Charlie's. So that's why they were laughing. But it was just a very cute bonding moment between those two and you really saw how connected he was to the people who are helping him. I just love the the implication here too, because again, it's like it's being a psychologist about, you know, an age

appropriate and a subtle way. Because again, the root of Charlie's problem is this perfectionism thing that comes from the OCD. So here he is being like, hey, just do a task and he's like it basically his brain is like, well, there's no point if I can't be perfect at it. And she's like, not everyone can be an artist, basically saying, like, you can't be perfect at everything. That doesn't mean it's to stop you from doing it. So yeah, if she did the drunk, she's like, look, I did it.

And this is terrible. Like, to get him to, like, relax and, like, just do things without the aim of, like, being perfect and having those rules, that he has to fit the rules in order to do anything. So like, it's very subtle, like therapy, like what she's doing in the scenes. I do like that. A. Subtle way of giving him permission not to be perfect, right, without lecturing and being like, see what you're doing? Your, your perfectionism is

showing. Like it's the OCD talking Charlie. Like it's a way of saying that without saying it. Like basically a lot of medicine is learning how to communicate to people without like it's not blaming. This is your OCD. Like it's not blaming something. It's it's not blaming you there to just be like, this is the OCD talking right now. Like I'm just pointing out a fact, but like, you know, she's leading him basically by her language.

Susan like matches Charlie's energy so well, like she she kind of matches like his sense of humor is like very snarky, very like likes to jab at his friends, like is it likes to tease them. And she kind of in the same vein like when she says we can't all be artists. It's like it could be also like making a jab at herself, but it's also just kind of like that snarky, like just trying to be funny and it makes him laugh. Obviously.

I I gotta say, like she she like very quickly became probably one of my favorite characters just of this entire season. She's only in like 1/2 of this episode and that's it. She's only in this one episode. And yet, I mean, it just says a lot about her character, I think. I want her to have a spin off. I would watch her like where we like meet multiple different characters. It's kind of like a I guess procedure on a type of way, but. It's just. Focusing on multiple stories

where she's trying to help them. Alice needs to write a book about her. Alice needs to write many, many books. OK, Alice may never stop. I hope she doesn't. So Charlie then meets Jeff, who is warm and welcoming to Charlie. And I believe this is Charlie's first experience with therapy. And if it is, he is very fortunate to be surrounded by people who truly care about helping him. Like this is a great experience for your first time going in.

It's a scary, this is a scary, scary thing to go through. And it's very nice to see everybody being so open and actually willing to communicate with him and figure out how to help him, because you don't always get that. Yeah. And on to after this when kind of continuing this whole sequence of Charlie, this next shot he goes and he basically gets caught up on school work

and on his voice over. He says it was good because I wasn't going to be behind everyone else when I got out of there, which is so freaking true. Like especially because he doesn't know when he's going to get out. So he has no idea when like how much score he'd have to do first of all. But also it's kind of one of those things like when when you're like a little kid and you are sick from school for like a day, it's not like the worst thing in the world.

If anything, it's kind of like, sweet, I don't have to go to school today. But as you get older, especially as an adult, I don't know. So like definitely someone as like a high schooler, like you start to fall behind in homework and that is stressful. But especially as an adult, like if you're sick, you either can't get anything done and then you're so behind on just life or you have to power through it

regardless of how sick you are. So it's rough, it rough out here for Charlie. So I'm glad that he has that access to, like, be able to do his school work. And he's got like, these people who are like, we don't know, like, how old these other people are if they're like, at the same level as him. But he like, sits down and he's like, oh, yeah, I'm doing chemistry. And the other guy's like, oh, I hate chemistry, which is, I

think really sweet. Just like having this other person here is like, yeah, I feel you. Yeah. Also just gives him this really good sense of like a routine and just like the thing. The one thing I miss about being in school is just like that natural feeling of progression, like constantly feeling like you're improving because you're learning something. And that's kind of just like part of your daily life is

learning. But also for Charlie, it's something that is very familiar from home, if you will, like from being back at home. It's like even if it isn't his favorite thing, it is something that he had from his life outside of the facilities. So yeah, also just the really cute shot, the the subtle rainbow that's on like the back wall. It's like this color palette of just like a rainbow where they're doing their schoolwork. Just a cute detail that's like still the theme of heart stopper

always finding ways. Whoever whoever designs those sets and like the lighting, everything just does amazing jobs like subtly putting those in there. It's also pastel colored, so it's like a softer kind of setting too, which is appropriate for like this facility. Yeah, I like I like a lot of the color choices in this facility because it looks very, very welcoming. It doesn't look like harsh like you see a lot of the the store, the stereotypes.

I guess I don't know like the way that places like that are depicted in like media. It's not all what you expect in this in the setting. And so it's like it's so great to see like what's hope ideally more true to life is like the more welcoming, more, you know, comfortable settings where people actually feel safe here, they actually get the care they need because they first of all feel safe.

So I love, I love the choices of just, even the wall colors because it's amazing how much even just colors of walls can make all the difference and somebody's feeling comfortable somewhere. I will say that this is typical of a pediatric facility, PEDs medicine, they decorate and make it all welcoming and cute and stuff like that for adults. They're like, we're not spending money on paid for you, which is ridiculous because the adults pay the bills.

So yeah, this is typical of a pediatric facility. It would be all colored and welcoming. What like adult facilities are not. They don't waste money on adults, which is ridiculous because like, it does, the environment makes a difference. So it's stupid that we like, invest in kids like this, but not adults. But yeah, this is actually true. Typical speeds. Yeah, I think the. Adults get scared too. That's what I mean. Like it's ridiculous. I was just saying.

It's a double standard in medicine. If most people, like most adults, knew that the places looked like that, then maybe they wouldn't be so scared. That's what I mean. Yeah, there's still that level of fear, but like, yeah, it wouldn't be so like especially if you knew what you were, where you were going, like knowing what kind of place you're going into. Like there's always that fear of like not knowing what to expect. Like that's a whole layer of fear on top of that, so.

That's why Susan needs her own show, so we can give more of that representation. There you go. Susan just needs to come back. Always. Yeah. So after that, Charlie basically, like, he has a moment where he contemplates calling Nick, but then he decides he doesn't want to just yet because he's still not feeling good and he doesn't want Nick to worry. He's like, what am I supposed to say?

I hate it here. And I can't stop crying, which is so it's very telling, like because there's still the upbeat music in the background, this song called Serotonin, it's still playing in the background. And so there's still like that sense of hope on this journey. And we know everything's going to be great. But it's just a reminder that at this point in Charlie's journey, like while everything seems to be looking up, Charlie still is feeling terrible.

Charlie is still really bad. He's still having such a hard time. And it kind of like, it's a great way of being able to say like, just because you find a good facility, just because you find somewhere that really does take really great care of you, it doesn't automatically make you just better. It doesn't just go away. It doesn't just make everything disappear because that's not how mental illness works. That's not how this kind of stuff works. So I thought that was very well

executed on that. And then we go into like his session with Jeff and this is when Charlie gets like properly by Jeff gets properly diagnosed that yes, he has his anorexia, but Jeff is Jeff believes that Charlie's anorexia is kind of

stemmed from his OCD. And Jeff when he does this, he, he has it with a very warm expression on his face, like he's almost smiling, but it's not like a, you know, he's not like pleased with it. He's just kind of like clearly not judging Charlie. He's just being very matter of fact, very observant and he's just, he's just stating fact of what he is seeing from Charlie. And meanwhile, like you see the

look on Charlie's face. Charlie's not pleased by hearing about this because as we find out from his phone call with Nick, he hadn't even considered having OCD on top of his eating disorder. So after that, Jeff, Jeff even is asking him like the same questions that they'd asked in the, or the same style that they asked in his GP appointment, which was like, does that sound accurate? Which is like, I think your eating disorder comes from this because you seem to feel this way.

Does that seem accurate? And Charlie says yes to all of it. And so Jeff goes, OK, let's unpack that. I was like, I mean, it was just like, oh boy, here we go, Charlie. And the line that Charlie says after this, he goes, the actual eating disorder treatment stuff wasn't very fun, which is like simultaneously, it's funny because of Joe's delivery of the line, just the timing, but also it's just kind of like, again, this wasn't a fun experience for Charlie.

This was him like really having to heal. This wasn't just like just because it was a very welcoming facility doesn't mean doesn't mean that he enjoyed where he was. He's just like feels like he made a good choice with what he did because he knows it's going to help him. So I love it. That's kind of the continuing theme of this is that Charlie isn't magically better, which a lot of people seem to just think that that is the case. Yeah, I agree.

I thought this was so important because think about the road we took just to get to the diagnosis. Like it took months to Charlie to just get the diagnosis. And so Jeff's line of, OK, let's unpack that. It's like now the work begins, now that we know what it is, now we can treat it, now the hard. So like the road of recovery is a lot of hard work. So in the next couple of scenes, we see what that road to recovery really looks like for Charlie as he does the work because it's work.

It's not just there's your diagnosis, here's a pill, you're magically cured. It's not like an infection where you can just give an antibiotic and it's gone even. That's more complicated. Trust me, that's my job. But like he has to put the work in to like actually like process this, get through it, learn how to deal with it, etcetera.

So we get the montage of that and it's depicted very quickly of like, Charlie getting up each and every day because, like, he has to get up every single day and like, face the treatment and like, actually do the work. This is the rehab part.

And yeah, it's just it's him over and over again, just getting up and facing it. Yeah, So like when he keeps having to get up out of bed, especially, like, it's a beautiful contrast to like, the start of this journey when Charlie was like just laying in bed, couldn't even get out of bed. And we see like, even his mom saying, like, Charlie, you need to get out of bed. And this, this takes like his willpower to actually have to get up. And we see it day after day

after day. He starts to get better about it, I think. I feel like I've noticed, like he gets less reluctant. That's the word, less reluctant when he does it. He gets more like, OK, OK, I can do this. I can do this. Every single moment, every single new day we see that. And I really love that little detail, so. Yeah, so he goes to show you just in the montage, like you said, of him just getting up. Like, while this road is hard and it's a lot of hard work, it does get easier over time.

And Charlie does put in the work, which is the key to like getting better. You have to put in the work too, in order to get the reward, so to speak. And so we see that he over time, it's easier for him to open up to his therapist. But more importantly, like and like eating gets a little bit easier, but he's also able to like interact with people and eat in front of people. So he even approaches like the other kids his age and like has lunch with them. Like it's his idea to go do it.

So that's huge improvement for Charlie. And eventually, like, you know, his family starts visiting, time passes, and we get a scene with him and Tori alone just hanging out. And she encourages him to talk to Nick because he still hasn't done that yet.

And he does eventually do it. But I like in the conversation that Tori admits I like Nick the most because later in Nick's month, in Nick's brain, he's like, I don't even know if Tori likes me. But here's the confirmation for us that, like, Tori does like Nick. So I thought that was really cute. And so Charlie calls Nick. So we get the other end of that phone call, but from Charlie's point of view.

And Charlie in this conversation tries to use the mental illness card to get away with saying sorry, which I love that he's joking about it in a way to win arguments, which is such a like couple thing to do. And it's just it's really funny. He tries to do that and Nick's like, no, Charlie. He still can't say sorry. I don't care.

I love. This this part too, because it's like you can kind of tell like this, this little conversation, like we're coming back to this conversation, but it's meant to be in this moment, a transition to this next conversation that Charlie has with Tao. And it's hard for me to put it into words like fully. But like the writer in me just loved the execution of that transition. I thought it was just so well done because like trying to write from two different characters perspectives is hard

in itself. It can be very hard, especially trying to tell the same story twice without getting like redundant, without being repetitive, but being able to still give the audience a chance to be like to have trust, to know that they they remember enough. So when they tell it again, it's like, yeah, we could remember this. And they love that.

That was like the perfect, like the timing of it when they decided to start this moment in the conversation here where I think it's right at when Charlie says I have to laugh or I'll just cry. I think it's where he starts it in this moment. And then it goes from there. And it's like we we remember like what, just what that conversation was before. So so we get enough of that previous conversation to know, OK, this is where they were at.

And then we see the second part of this conversation, which then leads into this next conversation where Charlie calls Tao. And I just I just love how it was done. It was so good, like just really good writing on Alice's part. Yeah, the storytelling is so good in this episode in particular, it's like the pinnacle of storytelling. Yeah, it's a hard perspective to write from from two different characters. It's hard. It's it is to make it good, like, to make it well done like this like.

And this is still true to the comics, aside from like we didn't see as much in the comics like Charlie talking to the others. It was mostly just like talking to Nick and just like his personal time in the actual facilities, not actually having this conversation with his friends. So I'm glad that we do get that side. But yeah, it's just it's a hard thing to do. And Alice, God, Alice conquered it. So man.

Yeah, but part of this conversation shows us that Charlie is healing even more because he asked for Tal's phone number. And that's a huge step by not only is he calling Nick, he is willing to talk to more of the friends. And during this conversation, Tal tells him that he's been making him a present. And like this whole exchange between the two of them is reminiscent of their their usual dynamic. And it's just so good to see. Like they're both not fully

there in that dynamic. Like you see on their face, they're not fully OK, but they're trying to be their old dynamic. And it's just really cute to see because of course their dynamic is amazing, but they're starting to get back to the way it was and finding their new normal. But Charlie feels guilty for not telling his friends and he apologizes for not telling him everything. And Tao is upset with himself for not being in a place where Charlie could. So right now they're blaming

themselves. And Charlie mentions that Tao was having his summer of love. And I love that Tao me is like, but I love you too. And I just, I love how easy Tao says that he loves Charlie and that it's showing again that friendships are just as important as, as romantic relationships. And then Tao starts asking Charlie about how he's doing and what he's experiencing right

now. And I also love that Tao is comfortable enough to ask Charlie these questions because in the beginning, like, they didn't really know what to say to him because he wasn't in treatment. They didn't know what they could ask or talk about.

And now he's just like, all right, well, I can, I can just ask you how you're doing, like, what's going on there, what the situation is. Because he may not know exactly what to say, but he can at least try to understand what Charlie's experience in life is like right now. Yeah, he even like he asked, can I ask how you are? Is that kind of a shit question? And Charlie says, yeah, that's kind of a shit question right now.

I can't imagine Charlie a few months ago or even like especially like back in season 1, Charlie being able to say something like that. He probably would have just said, yeah, I'm fine, everything's fine or something like that. But the fact that he says, yeah, that's that's that's kind of a bad question to ask like that. Just right there is such a personal growth for Charlie because I can never see him saying that before this.

So he's becoming more comfortable just being truthful about how he feels, and I love that so much. We're, we're, we're on the upward track. We're on, it's been a journey and we're still going. And Nick then visits for the first time. And this is when we finally get to see Tao's epic surprise. So the epic surprise is Tao and the gang apparently have made a documentary style video for Charlie to show just how much they all love him and how much they dearly miss him.

And it's probably the best thing that Tao has ever made, honestly. Like he's put so much of his love into it, so it's so special. It's it's adorable and I love whoever came up with this. Well done because it very much gave home movie vibes the way it was like not edited in certain areas and stuff like that. Like if you ever had a handheld camcorder like it reads as if they had that. So funny.

I lost it when Tao shows up with the little like scene stopper thing and the way he's he looks so serious and it's like a documentary for his friend and just like the amount of seriousness whopping off of him was so fucking funny. The first time I saw it I was like, Oh my God, tell what are we about to watch? It's so serious, it's hilarious. He's so cute. The way he was so determined to be like this is for Charlie. Like Oh my God Tao, I love him,

he's adorable. It's another indication that when he is puts his mind to something, he's all in. Just like he was all in on the Summer of Love, he's all in just zero to 100. There's no middle ground. However, this is slightly random, but if anyone's seen Boy Meets World, I don't know if either of you have, but this just reminds me of something that Sean and Corey would do. Like it just, I don't know, it just gave me that vibe, especially with the home movie type feel.

It's that era exactly like 90s era film, Yeah. Makes sense? And during this video documentary style video, Isaac starts with his message and he's getting better with telling people how he feels. So he used to keep it all in at the turning point really was at the zoo when just everything became too much. And that was his. Why aren't words coming to

breaking point? So he says that he's actually kind of mad at Charlie right now because he did ask him if something was wrong and he he's like, I guess you lied to me. So he is able to express his frustration. But then at the same time, he reassures him that they don't judge him. They love him. They can't wait for him to come back, that he loves him. It doesn't change anything. He just wants what's best for him and to keep that in mind. But he also didn't set his

feelings aside. So in a way, if someone watching could easily be like, oh, well, that's so selfish of him because he's saying that he's mad at him when Charlie's going through this terrible thing. But it's showing that it affects both people because Isaac was trying to help him. Isaac literally went out of his way to his house, to Charlie's house to make sure he was OK, and he promised that it was.

Yeah, I love that Isaac, even in this moment, kind of meets him where he is, like, even though he's not there physically, he's like, I know it's not your fault. I hope you know that when you get home, you don't have to lie to us. He kind of sees like, I know you probably just lied because you felt like that was easier than making us worry, but don't do that. You don't need to do that. So I appreciate that about Isaac. Isaac can really see it from

both sides. Also him saying he gets bad at Charlie about Song of Achilles the the book that Charlie recommended to him and he said he cried for four hours which I'm just like. So that's going on my TBR list immediately. Yes, I have that book. I want to read it so bad. It's right there, the blue. The art loves that book. It's not my favorite by Madeline Miller. I like Cersei better.

That was her second book. But it's a retelling of the Achilles myth and it it's queer and it's it's really good. It's like a start to finish, kind of like it's good. It will make you cry at the end. But they're both in the Greek like classic. So it made sense that Charlie would recommend this. Yeah, that that's, that is like such a Charlie thing, right? Charlie's like favorite book is the Odyssey. It's all right. I think it's the Odyssey if I remember right.

Or the Iliad, I think one of those two. Iliad Odyssey, I can't remember yet. Yeah. Oh. My God she's such a fake fan now the Odyssey sounds. Familiar more than the Iliad I. Think it's the Odyssey. The Odyssey and the Iliad are like intertwined stories. The Iliad. I think more so about the Trojan War, which is where the Achilles story takes place. I'm such a fake fan. I'm just like what A Charlie's favorite book. Oh my God, I forgotten. Yeah, that makes so much sense for Charlie.

Anything Greek mythology, do you think? Do you think Charlie's read the Percy Jackson series? I like to think he has. That's a good question. Or is it like would he get annoyed by the Percy Jackson series? Yeah. Is it too main you know? What I mean, because it's not like it's like I read most of it and it's like, sometimes I'm like, this is a child version of like the Greek myths. And if you like the Greek myths and you're a purist like Charlie is, he might get annoyed by. It.

But I feel like he'd be intrigued enough to start it, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I definitely feel like, well, Percy Jackson is definitely like a full on YA style. Yeah, that too. It's like pure YA. Good job. Yeah, another good YA. Writer, yeah, like YAI mean, obviously, because Percy Jackson in the first book is literally 12. So it's like it's specifically designed to be this is for kids. This is for, like teenagers. Yeah, exactly. It's perfect.

Yeah, I guess that is a real question. Let us know, people. What do you think? What you're listening? What would Charlie like? The Percy Jackson series. Wouldn't Charlie like Percy Jackson? Oh man. So in this next part, just we're still at the Halloween party, but Darcy pops in and Darcy announces very proudly they are trying out they them pronouns and they go. I feel like he'd get it. He gets it. So I'm like 100% Charlie would get it. I mean, first of all, it's Charlie.

Second of all, we already saw him with Isaac immediately, not even fazed by Isaac being like, Oh yeah, I'm a say row like whatevs. So Charlie is like the the last person I would expect ever to not get it ever. So he gets it. Yeah. And then we go, we cut to the next part where they're all like, I think it starts with LL like says she's suddenly like blowing up on Instagram because of her paintings. And Darcy or not, Tara, Tara has become a prefect.

And once again, this poor girl we see like these other people are like gushing on her about how incredibly smart and how talented she is, especially Darcy. Darcy. They're just like, my girlfriend is the smartest person in the world. And Tara immediately gets like so uncomfortable by this. She's like, stop. And it's like, we know as the audience. Dramatic irony, if you will. That's a lot of pressure on her. So it's been as a compliment, but it is a lot of stress. So that poor girl.

Yeah, and like in the conversation, Darcy. Lists off all the things. Tara is doing and it's a laundry list of things she is doing simultaneously. So it's like even the list is like stressful just to hear. So like poor Tara. And then we head over to Imogen and Sahar and we get a voice over for this one. And I like Barbie and Dracula kissing, something like that. Yeah, it was really funny. And it we linger on that. And then you hear Tao be like, cut the camera, Cut the camera.

And I love that Tao has a documentary code of ethics. Like, first of all, you do need that. So he's going to be a great film maker. He is 1 already. Right. He doesn't want to be. Seriously. But he is also going to is a great filmmaker because he knows to not cut the camera. He knows to keep filming a few seconds after the your subject has finished speaking because there's there might be gold there.

However, and this is when the teachers are involved and but I'm sure that teachers hated it because he would not go away. And that's also like, that's how handheld cameras work too. That's what it reminded me of, of like you have to like get up and then like press it off and things like that. Like that's how you turn it on and off.

So it more so like gave me that style of just like in the 90s where like things would linger in the edits because you had to like manually edit on the camera and there was no post editing. So give me that vibe. Yeah, or something like cameras, depending on which one you use. Like, especially like the newer, like the digital cameras back when digital cameras were first becoming a thing, like it would take a couple seconds for them to like actually. Yeah, to actually like turn on

and off. Yeah, and that's. An old camera. It takes a second, but yeah. And sometimes you might either, like, depending on what kind of camera you use, you'll either get extra seconds or you'll lose seconds if you cut it too early. So even if, like, you finish and then you cut immediately, it might cut off a couple of the last seconds. And it's like, no, because then you can't edit what you lost. So people learn from that, like, keep, keep that extra last seconds.

Yeah, Yeah, I love it because what were they talking about in this moment? I don't remember the teachers. Like I just remember the the shot that Tao gets at them is, I think it's Mr. Ajai's like holding a fork of like noodles or something in front of. Yeah, and then just like, leave us alone. Yeah, he's like, you know, I can't. You're like, it's the only time we get to be gay. Literally. Yeah. Why isn't Darcy there? Darcy could be like, oh good, you're being gay.

Carry on. I know, right? I OK, why? Wait? Why do I want this now in season 4? Wait, dammit. I want that in season 4 and I want Darcy going up to the teachers like, oh, you're being gay. Cool. I need it. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So this next little sequence we see L first of all, she shows this painting that she made. This painting is of Charlie and it is the most adorable thing. And also like, Oh my God, Canon Charlie fan art.

What is this? What Ella's just basically like validated every single bit of fan art ever. It's just gorgeous. It's a beautiful painting. And then she flips the camera and she goes I miss you, Charlie. And I'm like, oh, because it's so we haven't really seen Charlie and Elle interact. I don't think we've seen them one-on-one at all this season. But I remember at least like, not really. They don't honestly interact one-on-one that much ever in

this show that we see. I think we've had a couple moments, but not really. So we kind of forget because obviously, like Tao and Elle's relationship is kind of one of their main focus, and then Nick and Charlie's relationship is like their main focus. And so we don't really see Nick and Nick and Elle's or, I'm sorry, Charlie and Elle's friendship, even though Charlie and Elle have been friends not as long as Charlie's been friends with Tao, but like, they

have been friends for years. Yeah. And obviously Charlie was friends with Elle before Elle was friends with Tao and same thing Charlie would tell were friends before he met Elle. So Charlie's the OG friend, so

he's the blue. So we kind of just it's just a gentle reminder and I don't know why, but I started to feel a little emotional at it. I'm just like, I don't, I don't know how to say it except for just like I forgot that Charlie and Elle were like actually really good friends just because everything else going on, you're just like, Oh yeah, that's right. Elle loves Charlie as much as everybody else does. And I think it's really sweet that she painted him. And it's it's adorable and it's

so good. So. So when the video ends, Charlie has no words. He literally just like looks at Nick. There's a pause and it's like you kind of can see he's getting a little emotional. And then he just pulls Nick in for this really tight hug. And there's just like hearts, that kind of little animated hearts that kind of just pop all

around them. And it's like you can tell that it's both his love for Nick, but also just the love that's radiating off of him and also off of Nick too, from watching this video. So because it sounds like from the way that Nick described it at the beginning, like maybe Nick hasn't seen this video yet either. So I thought it was really sweet. It's the way that that was all animated so. Yeah, So with all of that, Charlie finally gets to a point

where he can leave. He's graduated from rehab, and he packs up his room and has his last session with Jeff. And he says in his, you know, as he's journaling, we're still doing the voice overs. He says being at the clinic didn't magically cure me of mental illness, but it got me out of the deep end. So, you know, that's the main lesson. We talked about that a million times. And really, Charlie's road to recovery is going to continue after he leaves the clinic.

So now he's going to go on this journey without easy access to those professionals that were constantly supporting him and knew, like, how to help him during these crises. And that can be really scary to like, walk on your own 2 feet, kind of metaphorically speaking. And I think Charlie is feeling some of that fear of like, leaving this environment. So Jeff reassures Charlie that they can continue their sessions for as long as Charlie feels like he needs Jeff's support.

And I thought this was amazing that Jeff could continue being his therapist as an as an outpatient out of the facility, which was actually kind of amazing. Usually that's not the case. They get referred to a different provider. So that that was pretty cool. Yeah. That's not typical. No. I didn't think this has to be a very small program for him to have the even availability to take care of both. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. Like, yeah. Anyway. But the saddest part is saying goodbye to Susan.

We will meet you, Susan. Hopefully you get that book. We were speaking into existence. We love you. It's been real. Then the springs come to collect Charlie to drive home. And in the car, Charlie sits next to Tory in the back seat. And it's really sweet. No, they don't say anything to each other. But Tori reaches out and holds Charlie's hand and we get to see Tori smile. And I came to a really sad realization that, like, we really haven't seen Tori smile

at all this season. And like, we, we, it's more apparent that, like, Charlie also hasn't been smiling. But like, really Tori, we haven't seen her happy at all this season. So I feel like this was a big deal of like a weight coming off of her shoulders as well. Cuz like she also has been on this journey with Charlie. She's just been like relegated to like the far back, whereas we've seen Nick Moore in the foreground. So like, I thought this was a big deal for Tori.

OK, but why was this the moment in this episode? I OK, There's been 1 instance in every single episode that I have cried. I did great. I made it through the whole playthrough of Black Friday. I made it through the entire sequence of Charlie and the Clinic. I made it through Nick crying at the Halloween party. Why is this the moment I cried? Cause Tori being emotional just stirs emotions deep within you know I. Mean it's actually just like the

sibling dynamic. I can never specifically about Charlie and Tory's, like I think I've said this before, they're like one of my favorite sibling dynamics ever in media just because there's such genuine love between them. And I feel like so much in media, we see two sides of the coin with sibling dynamics. We see siblings that fight all the time and we see siblings that never talk to each other.

And this is like two siblings. Obviously they argue sometimes, but like they're siblings who genuinely love each other so much and it's like, I don't know why we don't see that more in media because it's like it does exist. There are siblings who genuinely love each other in life, especially as teenagers. I don't know. But man, it's just something about their dynamic and how much they just genuinely care so much for each other and they like

lean on each other. And I don't know, just I lost it the moment, the moment he takes her hand, I just lost it. Well, it's also kind of like a relieving moment for both of them, because although he's not magically fixed, he didn't make it through this part. And now Tori can like, let out a sigh of relief because OK, we've made progress, I don't have to worry as much again. This is Tori's always worrying about Charlie and not herself, who she also needs help.

Like I've been, we've all been saying so now like a part of her, like there's been weight lifted. So it's just a very heavy moment that is starting to get some relief. And throughout all this, we hear Charlie's voice over and it's him journaling in his room when he gets home and he writes. It's not going to be a straightforward journey. It's probably just the

beginning. And after he writes this, Charlie smiles and he looks hopeful, like it just shows how far he has come in. I mean, in this one episode, it's been a journey, but in his outlook to things too. Then Charlie's mom knocks on the door and she's just going over the plan for dinner, making sure everything's OK with him. And again, she's learning to communicate with him and consult with him rather than telling him this is what's going to happen.

You have no say in your life. Again, we need to give him some control back. And this is her way of saying, OK, I understand that I need to do some work too. And I hope she got her got support herself. I hope this made her realize, like, she gets therapy or something. I know sometimes there is family therapy when people are in treatment. Maybe there were support groups that she could go to and hopefully she found a community or something that helped herself

as well. And Charlie asked if he can go say hi to Nick before dinner. And old mom would have been like, no, it's too close, you can do that another time. She actually smiles and says, yeah, I think that'll be OK. It's, it's so much progress. But the two of them as well cuz she had to learn to let go. That was her main issue is letting go of Charlie, letting him be his own person and make his own choices as well and trusting him.

So together they are on the journey to becoming their own, their own mental health journeys and also their relationship. And we're getting there. But now someone really needs to go check on Tori. She's right across the hall.

Just say I know. And then when Charlie goes to Nick's house, this is where we get the if you know, you know, if you if you read the comics, it's the he came home in early December, which there's there's memes about it on, on like Tumblr and stuff of like this screenshot from the scene. And then he came home in early December and just goes, ah, so

many fields. And then we get the gay leaves one last time in his episode, which we've gotten a couple of times, and it just swirls around them and it's so beautiful. It is so beautiful. This episode was beautiful. Just everything about it. I've said it already before, but

like, I love this. The way this was told, the storytelling was just so clever and worked so well with the dual point of views and the way it converged here with them reuniting at the end of the journey, It's just so poetic and just, it's beautiful. It's such a well constructed story for this episode. It was so powerful.

I loved it a lot. It was definitely a clever way to show both of their points of view and like their thoughts and feelings throughout this whole thing because they could have just shown us from the overview and not exactly how they were feeling. But it was more impactful because we were going through this journey individually. So we had to go through two separate journeys and if they would have intercut it, it would have been just one journey.

So it's like going through it multiple times and seeing it from both sides. It's very, very interesting way they chose to do it. Yeah, I like that we get the whole story, but like, it's just like we get to see all of it unfold, but it's not all at once. And I really like that a lot. Yeah. So what's really I? Like that they make us watch the same thing over and over. Like they did have the story separated because their experiences are not going to be

the same. Yes, they're not talking on the phone every day. We did get to see separate stories and even when we saw the same scene, we didn't see the whole thing. We just saw enough and then continued. Thank you. Yeah, so well, so, so well done. And then the episode even ends like it like cuts to like the start of the credits and it ends on a screen and it says if you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, mental health or

thoughts of self harm. Information and resources are available at this website is www.want to talk about it.com, which I love that I appreciate so greatly that that is like the ending screen. And I'm glad that a lot more shows are doing this now where either it's before the episode where it says this does have pictions of this. If you or a loved one are having these thoughts, please go to

this. Like I think I've seen like shows where it has like that, where it's here is the crisis line number or the suicide hotline numbers and stuff like that. Or like in this case, it has at the end. And I really appreciate that more shows are doing that now. Like, hey, it's kind of.

Nice if they put it at the beginning because it acts as a trigger warning for people because especially watching new things that I myself just keep rewatching things because I know how it'll affect me. But you never know if something catches you off guard in a show, how you're going to react, even if it's not like a typical reaction that you have while watching TV. Like you never know what's going

to impact a person. But yeah, definitely giving resources to people in a way that they might not even thought about asking for help. And now we have come to the end of this episode, which means it is time for the big Gay Energy Award. I'm giving it to Susan to start. You know what, Susan? Susan's existence, I love her. It's just Susan. And we never see her again. So to you, Susan. We love you. Susan. We do, Caitlin. How about you, Caitlin? All right, I'm just.

I'm boarding. I was really thinking about this and I think I'm going to give it to Isaac for being honest and also reassuring Charlie at the same time. Yeah, being able to be honest with how he's feeling. I. Think I'm going to give it to Sahar because OK, so in the Halloween at the Halloween party, you see it in the documentary that Tao does Imogen like laughs the camera and Sahar goes, is this some kind of joke

to you? And then she gets up and walks away and I immediately was just like, yes, queen right? This is not like the fact that she doesn't even put up with it. She's just like cuz Sahar is putting like actual feelings into this. So it's just like the fact that Imogen is just laughing about it. She's just like, OK, I guess we're done with this. Bye. She doesn't put up with it at all and I'm just like, yes, Queen, walk away. Set them boundaries. So we also learned later that

Imogen is her by awakening. So like this is a huge deal. Yeah, that both of that well, Imogen definitely doesn't realize how big of a deal it is for both of them right now. But it's so hard. It's just, it's basically like the worst. Thing. That could happen is like, first of all, it's like that straight girl thing. Straight girls experimenting, blah. Blah blah, it's just a lot. Going on. So that was my runner up. I was thinking about that because Sahar knows how to take

care of herself. Yeah, it's like she's, she doesn't want to just be somebody's experiment, which I'm just like, good for her. Like I, I personally, I wouldn't want to be either. So I get it. Like hell yeah, good for her for walking away from that. Yes, walking away is always an option. And now another option that you have because you've made it this far into the episode is to use this secret phrase for this episode in either a comment or a review.

This is going to be really funny if you leave it in a review. So today's secret phrase is gay leaves. Yes, yes. So have fun with that one. Let's be creative. Is this like leaves, like the tree leaves? Or is this like the gate leaves the room? Well, I didn't think about that. Technically it's spelled the same both. So however I mix it, they're your galius an option. They're your galius. You do whatever you want with them. All right. Well, thank you all for making it this far.

Thank you for coming on the journey while we talked about journey and we'll be back next time to talk about episode 3 O 5, which is less depressing. But this was a very important, beautiful episode and I'm glad we made it here. So thank you all. And until next time, hydrate for lesbian Jesus and get it up all over the place. Bye. And with that, we've been Big Gay Energy. Thank you for listening. We'd really appreciate it if you downloaded this episode and left

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