Blank the Series S2 Ep5 Pt3: Montage of Sadness

Hello and welcome to Big GAY Energy. I'm Caitlin and I'm Fiora. Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of queer media. Representation matters, and we're here to talk about it. Cheers, queers. What's on the big agenda today? Theora. Today we are continuing our epic coverage of flank the series episode Season 2 episode 5. It's a journey. It is a huge journey It might be the journey we'll find out so will this one be longer or

shorter than the next episode? Leave it in the comments. Now we're just gonna get into this because become a Patreon member. See our other episodes for other spiel. We're going to get into this right now. So here we go. We're starting with part three of the actual episode, which coincides with our Part 3 coverage. So let's get into this. So this we're at the end, the horrible family dinner with the cursed couch.

That all not dinner. The family conversation with Little Nong and Big Nong all happened. Now Pingfoot and Big Nong are having a sidebar outside, and Ping Pho thanks Big Nong for agreeing to the family's terms and doing their dirty work. And she really seems sincere 'cause you know, we've said this a million times about Ping Pho. Like she does seem she seemed most conflicted about the whole thing, and so she does seem genuinely empathetic towards Big

Nong at least. And. But Big Nong says that her reason was understandable. And yes, it was, but Begung does not actually look at Ping FA when she says this, so it's not that convincing that she actually thinks that's because she's just got heartbroken and she had to break her girlfriend's heart. Like, yeah, she's not doing too hot at this moment. And to be fair, Ping FA also breaks eye contact with like,

they do make eye contact. Big FA also like looks away and looks guilty because she's not done asking favors of Big Nun. She's like her daughter. She's like, thanks for the cookie, I need another cookie from you. Only these are cookies that are stale and gross and we don't want to eat them, but here we are. So Pinkva asks if Big Nung, Big Nung if she would refrain from contacting Little Nung until she safely gets to America. And Pinkva, there is no safely coming to America anymore.

It's not a safe space. You guys should stay in Thailand. Just saying yes. No, it actually, it might actually be a better life in not saying that it wasn't before, but like, don't, don't come to America, don't come here. Do not come here. Don't come here, don't come here. It's not a safe space. We'll let you know when it's safe. It might not be, it might not be. Don't come here. It's gonna get worse. Don't come here. OK, so but we can't shout this as ping fog 'cause this was

already filmed. But anyway. So that's what she asks. Big dog. Yeah. And, and it sucks, but at the very least she's not saying never contact her again. Correct? Correct. So she's not, that's what I'm saying. The part the deal was not no, yeah, let's get into this. So if you notice Big Gung's body language immediately, like she's already closed off at the beginning of the conversation, like she has her arm crossed, like, 'cause she's her heart's bleeding right now, she's not feeling OK.

She's building up walls to keep herself together. But after Ping Fu tells her this, she's like hey, this is the other cookie I need from you. Big Nung uncrosses her arms and goes from this defensive stance to an off more offensive body language, indicating that like she was totally cool with the OG deal OK, which involved physically separating the two of them.

She understood the rationale OK and was confident that she and Lil Nung had a really good shot at gaining this acceptance thing because she knows her feelings are never going to change. And Liu Nong has demonstrated a million times in a million different ways her feelings are never going to change. So she's like, it's going to be fine. It's just temporary. It's going to be fine. But to go no contact at all for two weeks, she did not agree to this. That was not part of the deal.

And paying for, to her credit, acknowledges this. She's like, I know there's a lot to ask, but this is Pingfa. Like the way I kind of read it at first was like this is Pingfa like almost just being like I have a personal favor to ask you. Big no. That's what this is like the the family and Chet came up with the the OG deal. But like this is a personal

favor. I'm asking based on our relationship, because Pingfa knows exactly how this is all going to go down because this is literally the Pingfa scenario now being everything that happened to Pingfa, all of it got placed on Little Nung against her will, including the exiling. So Pingfoot explains, she's like, listen, I know how this is going to go down. My daughter obviously loves you because look at you and she's going to run away and refuse to leave Thailand.

And if my mother knows that you guys are talking, she's going to confiscate Little Nung's phone, which as a young woman with friends, it's going to be devastating. And now here's the deal. Like if Big Nong knew how to use the Internet and you could use computers to talk to each other, this wouldn't be a problem 'cause she needs a computer for school. So like, she could use computers at school. Like Big Nong, if you were more technologically advanced, you guys would have been fine.

This you'd have been like, sure, I won't talk to her. I will message her on social media or send her gifts or like whatever. Like there's a ways around this. If she knew technology, but here we are, it's fine. It's fine. It's who she is, and we love her for that. OK Lulu Nung's point of view aside, like, Ping Pho also like, just really wants to bond with her daughter. Like, that's definitely a big

motivator for her. And she knows that if her daughter's in a really bad place about all this big Nung stuff and feels infantilized by the grandmother, who then confiscates her phone and puts, you know, locks the key, puts the Princess in the tower kind of thing, it's gonna be a lot harder for, like, paying for, to bond with her daughter. OK 'cause Nung Nung's gonna shut down and be like, I resent, I resent you for this. And I'm this by no means is a

perfect plan. Pingfoot coming and asking this not perfect, but like it's all she has to go on because like she's outnumbered as always and kind of and can't stop this train that's now going, you know, unfortunately, unfortunately. And once Pingfoot protest this for being extreme, like I can't talk to her. That's crazy. Pingfoot admits. OK, listen, it this is all my mother's doing because she basically says like, I'll talk to my mom again.

We'll get to that in a second. But like I assume that her mother did this shit to pig Pho when she was a child slash a teenager. I'm assuming this is coming from a place where it's a trauma. It has to be she has to be like I've I've seen this film before, but when Big Nun says it's extreme, I feel like Pig Pho has to be thinking that woman is extreme. Like she. Kind of looks tired of her mother here. Like her face is just like I. I really don't want to talk to her but like. I'll try.

Like, it doesn't work, but she has been dealing with her mother and her actions for so long that I think part of her wanting little Nung to live with her is so she won't have to deal with her mom because now she's not the middleman here. She has direct access to her daughter. I mean, yes, phones exist and stuff, but still, the grandmother is in control when she's with her. Yeah, no, that's a really good point.

Like and acknowledging Ping Pho. Like Nung and her grandmother, they have a complicated relationship. Also. There's love there, but there's trauma and it's all there. But every time Ping Pho is with her mother, her mother treats her like a child, even though she's 30 something years old. And that's exhausting. And like to get away from that and then come back to it. You've seen Little Long do it. It doesn't go well. But Ping Pho is a lot more like she was traumatized a lot

younger. And like, that's her, you know, And she's, she's just, yeah, she just her. She cowers when it comes to these things most of the time. Alright, so then, yeah, let's go back to the line where Pingfa says she's gonna try to reason with her mother again. Again indicating she's already tried speaking on little Mung's behalf behind the closed doors. I'm sure the no contact thing was a chat and grandmother thing. They saw that go down poorly how fierce Little Nung was.

And they're like, well, they can't talk because she'll never go agree with this. And so they're probably like Pingfa, 'cause these bitches never, never do their own dirty work. They're always like Pingfa, you go out there and tell her this and I'm sure Pingfa tried to be like, isn't that extreme? Like, I don't know, like we that's not the deal. And they're like, no, the deal just changed and big nun's out of the room.

So anyway, so like this is extreme and like the only voice in the room speaking on little nun's like the half was probably Pingfa. And like, what's sad is that normally when shit's going down with little Nun and little nun needs an advocate to talk to the quote adults, it's it was usually big nun. And in this moment, I think the consequences of losing the trust of the family and why big nun was afraid of it is like right here. Like she can't go advocate for Little Nung anymore.

She lost all trust. She is an outsider now. There is no listening to her anymore. Like it's all gone. Like she can't speak on little Long's behalf. Like the tyranny is gonna happen and there's nothing she could do basically. So everything has changed and Big Nun crosses her arms in size because it's not what she agreed to when she decided to go All in all this gambit and when she decided to let Luna go. And now she has no power to get them to like see her like an

adult or treat her better. So while this sad reality is like hitting Big Nun and she's like really getting beat down yet again, Little Nun comes out of her room on the 2nd floor and comes out onto the balcony and sees Big Nun. And then they stare for like a second. And then Little Nun walks away without uttering a goddamn word. 'Cause when she. She's walking out there and she sees. The person.

Who supposed to love her and is basically siding with her family and then her mom who every time she comes back it's never good news for her. They're talking so it's just bringing her back to everyone else making decisions for her because everyone else keeps talking and discussing her life but no one again is asking Little Nung. Big Nung has cared about Little Nung's thoughts and feelings and what she wants in life. But because big nung just.

Backpedaled in the last scene. It feels like just another person doing it all over. And now she has no one. Yeah. And I'm sure she was like, in her room. It's like the wall's coming in like, 'cause it's like she's being oppressed. And so she went out to get some air and, like, oppressors, you know what I mean? She's like, I'm not, I'm not safe. She has no safe spaces. They're all gone. Everything's gone. She can't even go outside in the balcony where nobody should be.

And yeah, Yep, that is how she's feeling. All right, so that happens. And Big Nung is just more heartbroken because like, I think she was like holding on to the hope that like if she's physically on, if you still

talk, it'll be fine. It's kind of like the thing where she's like, remember in like her birthday, Lola's birthday, where she's like here, here's folk so you can try out what what a relationship with somebody your age is like, but I know you don't like him and it's never gonna work, but here's the option. Like, you know what I mean? It's the same thing. She's like, Yep, you can go away, but I'm gonna call you everyday and text you and do all these things. So we're always talking and that

was just ripped away from her. She's like, wow, like this is like I'm I feel like I'm losing her for real. And now here comes Lil Nung and she's like, I don't wanna talk to you. So that hope of like we'll talk and it'll be fine in the end kind of thing gone. So pink, pink pho big nun very dejectedly tells ping pho like, well, you could forget about fighting over the phones with your mother because it seems like she doesn't want to talk to

me anyway, so it's a moot point. Like whatever, I I give up. This is an I give up moment for big nun and before and big nun walks away. But before she walks away, can we appreciate how gay her outfit is? Because. Oh, we didn't. Hydrate for vice Yeah, let's do it. Oh yeah hydrate for hydrate for this outfit cause wow them shoes, the cursed shirt it works.

The cursed shirt. All right, and then interestingly, after big nun leaves, the camera lingers on Ping Feh for a little bit and she looks guilty, like she's super conflicted by this entire ordeal. All right, so after that shit show, we then get a montage of big non and little long trying to go on with their lives without each other. Akaa montage of sadness.

Yes, a montage of sadness and we get the OG theme song playing in the background and I think it's the version sung by the CEO of Nine Star. Because I think that's. That there was a version. That. There's like I've never heard it so correct me if I'm wrong in the comments, but like there's like clips that go around the Internet of like I wand is her name singing the this song? OK. So we start with little none walking the halls of school all sad and alone.

Like there's no UE, there's no folk because that's how she feels like you just pointed out in the last, the last scene, Caitlyn, like she is alone. There's no safe spaces. She's just a zombie walking through the motions cause like what's the point? Right? Of note though, I will say this. And we get the shot of little

nun in her sadness montage. She still has her bracelet on the big nun gave her, and she still has that the phone key chain with the Big N that nun gave her because her feelings never change. So there you go. Visually, she has not moved on from Big Nung despite the bullshit. OK, then we get Big Nung. Big Nung is once again in her art studio trying to do art. But it's even harder now 'cause she's just spontaneously bursting into tears while she's like sitting in front of a blank

canvas. And truly, this is such a relatable thing when you're going through heartbreak. Because remember, this is her first relationship. This is her first love too. And it's devastating when it ends like this. So like, Oh my, like this is so real. Like just spontaneously crying, like 'cause it's just too much. And like big man's at the point where she can't just like hot conceal don't feel those feelings anymore. She feels it now.

And like it's uncontrol. It's so big and uncontrollable. Like she's just utterly devastated little nuns. Also the one who helped her feel those emotions and not hide them and understand them. Yeah. And she doesn't. Have her to be able to help her through it now. So now she's alone. This is like the first time she's alone trying to handle her emotions and I just want to. Say that these.

Tears look so real and she looks so distraught that I hope Phi is OK. I she's a great actress, but I just like, sometimes you put yourself in a really bad place in order to be able to film scenes like this. So I just hope she's OK. Yeah, I know she's been through some stuff. From what I my understanding of her and I I imagine this was a dark place she was in when she was doing this and like, we're sorry. Thank you for being that dedicated to your craft because.

Yeah, it she's give her, she deserves a word for her acting. Literally. She's a marvelous artist. Every single award possible, she earned it. OK, so Speaking of being alone, OK, so she doesn't stay alone with those feelings for too long. She's so depressed that she seeks out her emotional support lesbians, which in theory is a good idea because as you stated, she's alone with these feelings and kind of can't handle it

'cause it's a lot. But it was a mistake because of who her emotional support lesbians are. OK, so the poor Big Nong goes and has dinner with Sam and Mon and devastated, heartbroken Big Nong has to watch Mon and Sam be the perfect happy couple right in front of her salad. And it's too much. It's too much. I mean, I agree. Because this is this is.

The first thing she probably could have done at this moment currently because usually Sam and Mon are able to help her talk through all of this and decide what to do next, but there's not really options to decide on right now.

Also Sam and Mon have overcome their struggles, their age gap and status doesn't matter anymore so they're not in this mind frame of like what happened and everything is more extreme for big nung and I don't think they can fully grasp what is going on because they didn't have to deal with people saying one of them is too young to make their own decisions. Like Mon's family was like a St. right?

No, Mon's family was incredibly supportive and then the grand man's dead, so you you would think it'd be over, but it's not. Like they really. Don't know what to say to her because they have not experienced like this, this specific type of thing, whereas everything else they've gone through similar issues. Also, they're just being they're look at what they're doing. What I mean, they're being cute and and in front of herself.

She's like, God damn it, you 2, can you stop being lesbians for five seconds? OK and here's the deal Big Nung. I feel like this makes her even sadder to be honest with you because she's so sad she's not eating. If you look, her plate's empty. Meanwhile, Ma and Sam are like in the middle of dinner. Big Nung hasn't touched her food and she's just what Big Nung, the most food motivated character in this series, is not eating. That's how not OK she is. And Sam notices this.

And to your point, Caitlin, there is literally nothing Sam could say. In fact, when you're this heartbroken, there's literally nothing, nothing anybody can say to you. You just have to go through it. Speaking from experience, you just go through it and it takes the time it takes for you to heal and move on or whatever. There's nothing anybody can say to you. And So what Sam does after she notices how devastated her sister is, is she just holds her hand.

And if you think about that, it's really, it's a sweet gesture coming from Sam because Sam has expressed her frustration of Mon before as feeling helpless at trying to help Big Nung with the little Nung relationship. When like, she's like, I don't know what to help my sister. I can tell she's not OK. I don't know what to do. And. You know, 'cause Ma Sam is the people pleaser, she's the fixer, she's the, you know, she's that person in the family dynamic and there's nothing she can do.

All she can do is be there, be present for Nung while she's go, while she's processing this and grieving basically. And so I love that she's doing that. Like Sam somehow matured more on this show than she did in Gaffe, which is insane, 'cause she's like barely in it. And so am I wrong? No, I was gonna say you're not wrong. So. She's like. A lot better with emotions and feelings. And she grows even in the show and she's barely in it. So yeah, it's great.

And I love that like after a second Nong registers this and does hold Sam's hand back as a way of like saying like saying thank you and like thanks for like being present with Sam, like while she like feels this, which is very sweet. And I love this is in here as I just I love the sister stuff and very mature coming from Sam. I know Sam can't do much like we've we just said it, but this is kind of like a bittersweet gesture because it's nice to know that her sister's there for

her. But this is what, little. Nung does to ground her and now it's Sam having to do it instead of little Nung and it's just a reminder that little Nung's not there once again and she can't talk to her. Is the is I think the worst part 'cause they're usually able to talk through things and right, right. Especially like emotional stuff, like Big Nog needs to talk to

her more than anything. And so to have that ripped away from her when she wasn't mentally prepared for that is a lot like they didn't even get an opportunity after that whole conversation because it was immediately please don't contact her. And Little Nung being like turning away, which is like Big Nog's like, she doesn't want to talk to me. So that was it. Yeah. So she's in a dark place.

All right, so to continue the sadness montage, let's go back to Little Nung. So Little Nung is having dinner alone with Pinkfa, which is interesting. It's interesting that the grandmother's not here to coop this. Chet is not here to insert himself. It's just Pinkfa and Little Nung. And I wonder if Pingfa negotiated this because she read the room and she's like, she almost attacked Chet Fair. And then there she was, devastated at my mother. So, like, how about we let her

cool off? Like, it just me and her 'cause she's gonna have to just live with me for a while. Like, let's get her used to that. Which probably this is probably the best move for a little long, honestly. Like, versus, like, Chet running his mouth and, like, making it work, you know what I mean? Anyway, this is yeah. And the grandmother probably would have, like, made it worse too, without meaning to. No, They both would have regressed in the scene. Yes. All right.

So in the scene, Little Long is pulling a Charlie Spring, and she's playing with the food on her plate without eating it is what I mean by that. And while Little Long feels alone and super isolated because she is, what she does have is Pingfa, who's closely watching her. And she can tell that her daughter's not OK.

And we've mentioned a million times this is somebody who does have experience with heartbreak and I think empathizes the most with how little Nung feels because Jet doesn't know what that is and who knows what the grandmother's life is about. We have speculations. We have speculated in an episode you'll see later. But anyway, she understands that

this this hurts. And she I think she's also sad 'cause I think she understands, like she came to the realization that like Nung actually has real feelings and is probably. Also, and that's why like she's being real nice to Nong afterwards me, like, look, I'm not trying to dag you, I promise. I know you're probably devastated. Anyway, all right, back to the

dinner. So Pingfa, recognizing that Little Nong's not OK, takes food from her own dish and gives it to Little Nong kind of like a peace offering to be like, I care about you, which she does. We've established that. And she's trying to encourage her to eat, but Little Nong looks so dazed. And I, she feels alone and betrayed and like all these horrible things. And she just looks like she's not present in this moment.

And like I've mentioned a million times, the, the most heartbreaking part about Little Nung is that she doesn't have a Sam. She doesn't have anybody who 100% supports her unconditionally. Not even Pingfa gives her 100% unconditional support when she needs it. She's giving her what she can, but Pingfa has her own motivations, her own trauma, all the kind of stuff we've been through.

So she doesn't have a Sam and if you think about Ping Phil like she's still complicit or complacent in what is happening right now. Too little known. Same with big Nung. In a way, she's like big Nung is also an active participant in what's what's happening right now. And so her love for her daughter and like her complacency in this thing that's happening. Both can be true at the exact same time. I also just don't think she knows how to fully support her because being. Removed.

She didn't have the opportunity to learn Little Nung fully and know how to support her in the way that she needs right now. So she's trying to figure it out. And she's got people out soon because she's gonna be the sole caregiver soon. Not that she needs a caregiver. And like, remember, like the one like the way she bonded with Little Nung back on her back back in season 1 was like when she was getting the lasix. And then she was like, Mom, help me keep this a secret from Big Nung.

That was little Nung telling her what she wanted. And Pingva's like, yes, I will do that for you. I will support you in this. That's her way. Like she's like when Little Nung asks her things she did like, oh, like, OK, yes, I'll do that for you. Like, let's do it. And like. But here's little Nung completely devastated, not communicating at all. So like, yeah, Pingva is in the dark of like, I really don't know my daughter.

I want to, but like she's not talking to me and she's I don't know what to do Anyway, All right, so then let's go back to Little Nung. So like, I think that little Nung at this dinner table is just concentrating on keeping herself as put together as humanly possible so she can get through the dinner and then break down in her room when she's by herself because the girl feels like she has nothing right now. That's so valid. Yeah. Which is her feelings are

absolutely valid. OK, so after the sadness montage of them getting through the day, we then go to night time. So the Nungs try to go to sleep and they prove to us that they both share a brain cell still, despite all the bullshit. So it starts with Big Nung, who's crying her eyes out in bed holding on to her stuffed animal. And it's the one, the childhood 1, the little like Bunny looking

thing. And then we get a nice transition that Caitlin's gonna go into explicit detail about where we get a like, a wide shot of her in the bed. She's in the center holding the plushie. And then it crossfades into little Nung in her bed, clutching onto the little big Nung plushie, the cat also crying her eyes out because they share a brain cell. They do. All right. Are we all ready for the Couch of Doom part of this episode?

OK. So. In little Nung's. Shot of this comparison to me she looks even more lonely than Big Nung with the way she is positioned in it. So.

Little Nung is further down the bed creating a gap between the bed and the wall, whereas like Big Nung's pillows are closer to it so she's taking up more of the bed and the way she is positioned on the pillows make it look like it's just one long 1. So and if you're thinking like it's one pillow then she looks even smaller because your brain wants to concept like a normal sized pillow.

Also big Nog's done this before and I don't know why she does this but I don't know why she sleeps with her head at the edges of both pillows where they meet instead of like picking a pillow. She's done this before and I don't know why, why she sleeps like this. I'm just a little nun, no big nun. Look at how like Big Nung is like. Yeah, Big Nung does. It too, but you can see that there's two separate pillows. No, I know, I know. But like, yeah, little Nung's doing it too and it's very

interesting. I don't know why you is that comfortable? I like to sleep. Like big Nung. 'S my dog thinks it's comfortable. She likes like in between she was the most comfortable thing ever. Dogs like being in the crevice, but like, I don't. Yeah. Big Nug, I don't know. Are you OK? Big Nug? I've seen her sleep like this before. It's just like, 'cause like, doesn't your head just, like, fall through? How is that comfortable is my question. If you sleep like that, let us

know. I don't know. I'm not trying to, like, shave anybody. I'm just, I'm, I don't understand it. I can't sleep like that. But anyway, Big Nug does do that. It's very interesting. It is interesting. Anyway, so overall, these things make Little Nung look even smaller in this big bed where Big Nung looks like she is taking up more room.

And cause like if you look at the shots side by side, the far out one, the wide shots, there looks like there's not that much room for a second person in Big Num's bed, where you could probably fit two people in Little Num's bed. Yeah. So. Yeah, to me. This. Could represent that little Nung feels even more alone than big Numg because we have seen that she has even less support than big Numg yes so she's. She's even sadder. OK, so let's talk about the shots and the crossfade.

So they definitely. Spent a lot of time making sure that these shots would line up nicely and. I have to tell you. If you've been listening to this podcast, you know. Especially during gap. I regret about these freaking crossfades every 5 seconds. And I tried to dial it down, dial it back. I don't want it, keep saying it. This one was very, very beautiful. So I loved it. As I was watching it, I was like oh, that was really good. And then the next thing happened.

And then the next scene, the next edit. And This is why we have this huge rant here. OK, 'cause I don't know why this beautiful use of a crossfade was followed up by a split screen comparison of the two. Just at a different. Angle like yes, we saw that they were holding the stuffed animals together. OK, but in between the crossfade and the split screen? We get a random. Shot of little Nung holding the stuffed animal just by herself and then that goes away.

We get big Nung on the left and then the same exact thing that we just watched. Like not even different part of the scene. No, it's the same exact thing on the right of the screen. OK, so no. OK, hold on, let me go through my nose because there's so much I don't even know what I'm supposed to talk about first. OK, so the the. One of the main issues, you know there's many issues SO1 issue is that it's. Following. A very gradual CrossFit.

It's not even quick, so you have a lot of time to process this crossfade. And the crossfade works like I said. But they're not. Trusting their audience to put it together themselves that it's happening at the same time. They're feeling the same thing and they're acting the same way. I don't know about you. But it was. Pretty obvious that that's what

it meant. Yes, that was that's what I mean it was a crossfade that was used purposefully to demonstrate that and that's what made it good and very carefully. Yes, they was carefully done and it was like a great directing, great editing. And then I don't understand that the follow up choices are emphasizing what we just established. And then OK, so then not only doing during a split screen. It doesn't fill. The screen, so I don't have either really big black, it's

not even. Pretending to be cinematic. Like Gap did Oh my God, they're just they just did scale to frame in like what Premiere and then was this looks like they're multicam editing right now. It's like the screen do like the score does preview yeah, like it makes no sense. And granted, if you were to make it the full screen, they I don't think they shot it wide enough. That's probably make sense. But again, why is this here in the 1st place?

Because this is used to compare things or like even in when Harry meets Sally. I think I was. I actually, Oh my God, that's how much I wanted to make sure I had accurate info to rant about. So when Harry met Sally, they used this to create more intimacy when they were both in separate beds to show them and they were on the phone. OK, this, this does nothing. Then reiterate the crossfade. That was beautifully done. It makes no sense. We are not stupid. OK?

But even if we were, this, this is, it's weird. I'm sorry, it's weird. That's the bottom line. That's it. I'm not breathing. So I think it would be breathing. I just we're mostly confused because like we've said a million times, like this show is very carefully crafted and like the directing is very purposeful, the use of lighting, the editing, like it's very good.

This was just out of it seemed very out of nowhere and maybe because the characters are very out of sorts and this feels weird, but like I don't understand the choice of this to be on. It gave me gay flashbacks. I was like, why? OK, so I was gonna. I was about to say, I don't want anyone to take offense to this. No, OK, do not, do not read into this. But this is something I would expect from GAP. Yeah, I would absolutely blank. Yeah, not blank.

That's why I'm very confused. If there was a choice here, I would love to know it because, like, definitely tell me I'm wrong. I'm totally fine with that. I just would love to know more because I tried to understand. I really did. I wanted to reason it out so I could cuz Deor and I did talk about this already. So I wanted to come back and be like, oh, This is why they did it. I still can't figure it out.

So yeah, I can't figure it's like truly could because it's, it's redundant like you're saying, because you could either have like the crossfade transition that we did to kind of show they're in the same place or you could have just had

this. I don't know why we have both because they're both technically crossfades like 1 crossfades from black into it but and they're both demonstrating the same thing which is what they're both feeling sad and having trouble sleeping and clutching their emotional support plushies like they both like. Both editing choices give us the same thing. Like the crossfade is a little bit more artistic because it like fades and like. I don't know. I stared at the.

Just the aura, I tried so hard, I was like, any differences? Any differences whatsoever? Like even it. Felt like. Shot. I got more. Out of I felt like because you can't, there's nothing different. I mean, maybe there's nothing different, but I feel like the wide shot gave us more. I agree. I prefer the crossfade transition. I thought that was so clever and beautiful, and that's a proper use of one of those. Did you ever think I would be here saying? Do the crossfade, not the no.

Oh yeah. OK. So for all those who are like Oh my God, you guys hate GAP. We don't hate GAP. For the millionth time, don't hate GAP. No. If you haven't watched for gap coverage, if you have, you understand If you haven't. Basically in that show they did a lot of editing for like the vibe versus like what the editing means. They made choices in Gap, just choices because of the vibe. Some of them OK, Sometimes it

worked. We have to keep doing disclaimers because people have connectors for our thoughts. These are our opinions. There was times in Gap where it felt like the whoever. Was in charge. Of the framing and doing shots was just trying to do as much stuff as they learned in like film school or something. Like all these like different types of shots, the Dutch angles or the Dutch tilts, they're everywhere. I don't remember where that was wasn't. It like. In Sam's.

Bedroom and like the only. Time it made sense was when Sam was afraid of the ghosts. Yeah, like it's supposed to demonstrate when the character's off kilter, hence the off kilter angle. Affair did it great. Yeah, Affair. Affair did a good job with that. But like a gap. It was just like it was too. It was overused and like to the point where it like the camera work or whatever they were doing lost the meaning of like what that technique is for. And that was our issue.

OK. So like that's why they. I was very surprised to see this in blank 'cause I was like, you guys are so on point with like all the art, artistic stuff that's been going on in creating this. And I was just like, this was weird and I don't know why it's here, but here we are. But I felt like, yeah, but overall this, it's, it's great. It's a great show. Like all media has their own decisions. We don't know them 'cause we don't know that.

We would love to. Come to set if if any Thai studios wanna invite us, we'd come in a heartbeat 'cause we, we're we're not gonna. Be able to do it over here soon so. Please. Yeah, anyway. But like, we're mostly just confused is all. Yeah. So let's get. Unconfused. And how about we give some Patreon supporters shout outs? Let's do it. We love all of you. You're our lovely friends and we love you. Yeah. So our Patreon members, if you don't know, are called the Chaos Crew.

I don't even think our Patreon members know, but they're called the Chaos Crew. We should tell them that. Oh, we wanna make sure you. All know that we I was going to say that we support you. We do support you, we appreciate you and your support for us. We we hope it's a symbiotic relationship here. I I didn't. Learn the word today. But I used the word today. Can you use it quite a bit? Yeah. I looked it up to make sure I knew the word and now it's just

stuck anyway. So shout out starting with Chaos crew members on the big gay dedicated supporter tier and above are J Dana, Natalia, Miranda, Regina and Monet. Thank you so much for following our craziness. I mean, all of you do because it's it's a wild time over there. And for our select Big Gay supporter members of this episode, we have LJ, Moonen, Tet, and Tesleem. Woo Hoo. Thank you guys. We appreciate all your engagement and everything. You guys make it fun to put out

content, so thank you. I appreciate all of you. If you'd like to become a Patreon members, it's $5.00 a month for like the Big Gay supporters, you get access to these episodes early. There's no ads. You get a bunch of reaction videos that we just don't have time to edit to put on YouTube. If you're in the higher tiers, you get bonus content of us filming stuff and etcetera. Just go on Patreon. Our links are in the bio. You can check it out. I'm so I'm live follow us that

too. I'm not sure. I didn't look at the calendar when this is going out, but I'm sure that it's around the time that a promotion for Patreon should be coming out for like an annual membership, and you can get some extra goodies if you sign up. And so check it out. You don't have to. This is totally voluntary. You can also join our Discord if you just want to come talk to us, because we're not gatekeeping stuff. We want to make sure that queer media is celebrated and talked about.

That's why we're here. Yeah. You can make other friends with other people who are in all the same things you're into. And there's a beautiful little community thriving over there. So have fun, be merry and gay. That's all we're saying. We have a shirt like that too. I got to put it up. OK, that's episode. So little Nung's final day in Thailand has finally arrived. It's been 2 weeks. It is up. She's alone in her room, bawling her eyes out and texting Big

Nung an ominous message. Which is I'm leaving tomorrow, I probably will never see you again. Goodbye. OK, first reaction. So. Dramatic, so dramatic, so dramatic. But like I do get it cuz big numb has hurt her once again. And I am assuming when you are in a relationship and something like this happened. Like I don't know how many people have like this exact experience but you aren't really thinking about what you're

saying or doing. Like, basically she's just reacting and trying to hurt Big Numb because no, she has once again hurt her. And like, even if it's just like a fraction of it. But the way this sounds, it's making her sound like a dramatic teenager, which is a big deal considering this age gap is one of the biggest issues in their

relationship. And it's also showing again how Little Nung doesn't really think about things and just immediately reacts, where Big Nung is overthinking everything and is very cautious about what she says and does. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Yeah, it does. It definitely does. That's how they're like opposites on their own, and on their own they get more extreme in their behaviors. But when they're together, they find balance. So yeah, no one is.

Remember, they've been isolated for two weeks from each other. So like, they're at their most unbalanced right now. And here it is. And you're right, if you're just getting this text message, it does like my my read too initially would be like, wow, she's being hyperbolic, like this is dramatic, blah, blah, blah. And then when Bignon actually talks to her, it's like, oh, wait, it takes a it takes a turn. But like at the surface level, you're like angsty teen, you

know what I mean? I know that's not what's happening, but like with you, Yeah, if you read into this more, it makes so much sense why she why she wrote this exact wording. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. But I'm with you. So I assume Big Nung has been glued her phone this whole time on the off chance that Little Nung was going to contact her. She has never looked at her phone more in her entire life than these past two weeks.

I agree. I think, yeah, yeah, I think that's what's been happening because she's just like, I can't contact her, but maybe she'll contact me. Yeah, that's that's been big because big nut is all about semantics always. That's why she lies by omission. She's a semantics person. She's like, I can't contact her, but if she contacts me, that's not the deal. So big nut, little little one contacts her and like, this is her first message and like, wow, what an ominous message to get.

So she panics immediately and calls one nut. I love that she immediately calls her instead of trying to have this conversation over text. Cuz first of all we don't know how good of a texture big nung is. We don't really see text messages. But I don't even know. Text messages? No, I'm not. Really. Go ahead. Go ahead. All right. I'm not saying that she can't use technology even though it has been proven that she could. OK, Iguana Sword.

I'm. Not. Saying that we're not disgracing your character. We're not. We just don't see it enough. And I just feel like she would be texting and she would say something that is like slang for total something totally different. And but like this way, because she's calling her, nothing can be misunderstood, right? And they can actually talk through it.

They'll understand the tone because it's very easy to think someone's mad at you, doesn't like you overthink everything, which Big Nung does over text message. Maybe that's why she doesn't like text messages too. Only with the people close to her. Who cares? I will say we've seen her text one Viva and like, Oh yeah, big, big non is the texter who in the middle of the night will think of you out of the blue and be like, do you want to come over tomorrow?

Like that's her as a texter. It's like it's straight to the point. It's not beating around the Bush. It's out of nowhere. And like that's who she is. You will not get a response unless she needs to respond. Correct. Exactly. She's the one that has, without responding, 199 text messages unread, unread. She leaves you unread for days. That's big non 100%, but I think part of the reason that's what she calls. I think there's a couple of reasons why she calls little

nug. Your point is the most valid one. But I think there's also she's impatient and doesn't want to wait to type something out. So she calls her cuz it's faster and like she's been deprived of her little nung fixes and her cookies for two weeks. So the she's the emotionally thirsty bitch right now. OK. And then to go with that, I mean that lovingly. And then to go with that, she hasn't heard little one's voice. She wants to hear her voice.

So I think it's impatience and she wants to hear Lauren's voice. This cookie metaphor is getting progressively more like a euphemism. It is always was, always was. This also shows. That big Nung will defy expectations of like her not calling Little Nung in order to protect Little Nung. Because obviously this girl ain't OK. She's saying I'll never. See you. Again. Yeah. I don't think big Nung thought had a thought. She was just like, Oh my God, call like reflex.

It was a reflex because like, also like she's not allowed to contact, but she's also, you could rationalize it and be like, she contacted me or what she tries to do later. She's like, she called me first. But yeah, she's just like panic call. Like there was no thought. There was no thinking. All right. And the part that makes my heart hurt every single time I watch this is because again, Big NUM immediately reads, calls, little

one receives the call. And when she's she's already bawling her eyes out and she's holding her thumb above like the accept button on the phone. And if you watch her, she hesitates for like a full second and her thumb is shaking because she's, I think scared to talk to Big Nung in a way. Like I think she's traumatized and like, scared. Which is so. Who knows what's about to come out of her mouth? You never know.

But like also like big Nung is what she just broke her heart to the point where like Lil Nung is in this really dark place and she's scared. Like she's so alone and scared and it's just it breaks my heart that she's this lovely human being is even in this position. All right, so then the phone call goes through, she accepts it. Lil Nung doesn't say anything. A big Nung panicked Big Nung immediately. What do you mean by that? What do you mean tell me more Like immediately it's like what?

Tell me more. So Little Man responds by speaking her truth. She's like, listen, no, but not that anybody has asked. But I don't want to go to America. Not that anyone asks. I don't want to go. And more importantly than just being the smartest person here, don't come to America. But beyond that, she's like, Little Man can't conceptualize a life without the option of seeing Big Nung because that's being taken away. There's no choice. There is no, there's just it's being decided for her.

Like he said. And as we've established many, many, many times, Little Nung's life completely changed once she met Big Nung. Her world, her isolated life where she's not allowed to have friends, she's not allowed to form human connections that the grandmother doesn't approve of. And even when she's like OK have the friends, she still comes in and terrorizes the friends. Like she's her life was so small for so long and then she met Big Nung and her world became bigger

and brighter. And now she's being shoved back into that lonely, dull existence by her family that claims to love her and also Big Nung, who played a part in this, right? And little Nong is at the point where she just can't handle that anymore. Her life finally had meaning and now it has no meaning anymore. And she's like, what is the point of all of this? My life is not my own. I am not allowed to be. All the happiness is gone from

her life. She's just as emotional as zombie walking around and she's bawling her eyes out. What? What kind of life is that? So the little Nong clarifies what she meant by that text message was she doesn't want to live anymore because, like, yeah, she never really lived. Like, there's a there's a difference between like, going through life and living your life. And she was going through life and struggling. That's why she was struggling in

school. She's like, we're just trying to find some peace and figure out who she was. And she was trapped in that house. And then she met Big Nun and understood what it was to live her own life. And now that was all that's all being taken away from her. And she's like, what is the point? I don't want to do this anymore. And this confession riggers Big Nung on so many levels. I'm sure when she read that first text message, she was offended because she's like, what do you want to see me

anymore? And then because I was so sure that you let you, you're going to. At first, she was ready to go on this rant to be like, you said you love me forever and would never change. I'm sure she's all ready for that. And then Lil Nung says this and big Nung's like, oh, I'm getting song flashbacks. Oh, I'm getting song flashbacks because this triggers her on so many levels.

Like the song thing, but also this would be losing Little Nung permanently and her happiness is gone forever and that's something Big Nung can't handle whatsoever. And I'm so thankful to Big Nung in this scene who doesn't just dismiss Little Nung's suicide ideation. Looking at you, A secret of us. And Big Nung looks genuinely worried hearing this confession because like you said, you could think, oh, she's just a dramatic teenager, but like, Big Nung

lost a sister to suicide. That's not a joke. And it's not a joke for a little one to disappear forever. That's not a joke. Never. And so because of that, she really feels the danger zone that we're in right now. Yeah. And OK, so this I did not. Read. Into the wording until we just talked about it and I was like, well, shit, that made so much sense. Yeah. Like, it's, it's it's literally right there. It's right there. And if you don't know her, I should have known her.

Can't believe myself. Come on Caitlin, if you know her, you would be able to. See it right away but and so like big nung again my. 1st. Read of this was big Nung saying are you joking? Like thinking that she was actually joking. And I was like, in my experience, someone isn't joking if they're gonna, if they're saying this like it's not, people do think like they're just using an excuse, no. People if you someone.

Says this this. Is in their head so don't don't mess around with it. But anyway, Big Nung's here is probably just hoping that it's a joke because she she doesn't like she can't even get to little Nung to help her through this. Uh huh. She's like crazy. Like this isn't good to joke about, but I hope she's joking. Yeah. So it's just. A. Bad situation right now, but. Little Nung needs needs. Her. Yes, little Nung needs her.

Big Nung needs her. That's what's happening and they're being divided and all little unconsane response is that she's completely broken. That's how she's gotten to the suicide ideation part, which is exactly what happened to Song at the hands of the grand man and known to some degree like this is Song. Remember, we've mentioned this

before. I think you brought it up and a couple of listeners have brought it up that like Big Nung sees song in Little Nung, so imagine how much this is triggering her. But this is a song she can save versus she couldn't save her sister right until it was too. And she'll live with that regret forever, you know? So this is a song she can save. OK, OK. But the part of it that's really shitty, just like the Song thing in Big Nung's brain, she caused

this in her brain, right? She was complicit in this whole the, the gambit to get her away for two to three years to see if the love is enduring and all that stuff. And Little Nung is broken. Because Big Nung helped facilitate this, you know, kind of like the Song thing. She helped facilitate the downfall of Song by abdicating her royal responsibilities, etcetera, and leaving it to Song, who she knew could not handle that. So it's history repeating itself.

That's a lot of this. Like the one getting exiled for a scandal. That's what happened to her mother. And then the broken thing to the point of suicide ideation is what happened to Big Nung's sister. So history's kind of repeating self here. But Big Nung's like, OK, well, I can't go see her, so let me do what I can. So she tries to again like rationalize with Little Nung, who's not in a place to hear rationalization. And she basically tells her like tries to encourage her.

She's like, look, go to America like, because you know, if this master plan goes well, we're going to gain our acceptance with your family. And then like then we can be together. Like we will be together again. This isn't, this isn't permanent. Like it's it's temporary. Like I've been saying, it's temporary. Like we'll be together again. But for Little Nung, this was never really about family acceptance. It was it was only about like,

yeah, she didn't want that. But the bigger thing for her was about Big Nung loving her enough to fight for their relationship. There's the thing that's just between the two of them. And then in this moment, they go back to their circular argument that they've been trapped in since the beginning of the show, where on the surface, what it's like is Big Nung is not fighting alongside Little Nung. And Little Nung feels like she's the one who's fighting all by herself.

And she's at her breaking point. She doesn't have any more fight left in her. She's broken. And so she asks Big Nun, like, how after all this, can I believe you? Like, how do I believe in you? Like you're telling me? Like, it's going to be fine. After the 2-3 years, we'll be together again. But you, you've shown me that you keep oscillating back and forth between loving me and then at not loving me seemingly and like letting me go and like pushing me away.

And like, how do I believe that you're going to still feel this at the end of the two years? Cuz she little Nung of all the things understands how she feels. But like, it is difficult if you're not big Nung and even if you're big Nung to know what big Nung feels because she's a messy 30 year old who's trying to figure out how she feels all the time. So like, this is a very valid insecurity that little Nung is having.

So for little Nung, this proposal feels like she's losing big Nung forever because she's like, I don't know that I can believe big Nung to like still want me at the end of these two. She might pull some other shit like, or have some a new excuse like, you know, I don't blame her for feeling that or asking this question. Everyone's so focused on Little Nung's feelings changing, but Little Nung's the only one who sees that big Nung is also able to not have feelings for her

again. Yeah, not again, but you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. But it's very valid that little Nung is worried about this because she's seen it and she's heard of Big Nung's past as well. That's the big thing, is like that. They've been sharing everything with each other. Yeah, but I'll go back to the the again, the feeling thing. Little Nung is the true believer in the scenario. He's 100% unwavering the way she feels her Big Nung.

And she knows that despite the fact that nobody else believes her. But we've also seen that as the audience, Big Nung puts her through hell and she's still here with the feelings, right? And we've also seen that Big Nung has changed drastically throughout the course of her life and the show. And like we, we did say that earlier and Big Nung has been open with Little Nung about her past. So Little Nung does know. She also knows what losing and leaving someone does to her.

Whether it's Big Nung's choice or not, it always effects her because that's it's going to affect anybody. So just going through a couple people who've left her life, I'm assuming after Ping Pho left, that is when Big Numg became more selfish with her once an ambition to like become an artist and it was a catalyst for the for her hating the role she was playing and like expected to do.

And I mean, I don't know if there was a little bit of internalized homophobia maybe at play because of Ping Pho's confession of love to her. Could be or even seeing that Ping Pho was throwing her life away as like Big Nung was worried about because she got pregnant or or it's because like she knew that the grandmother sent Ping Pho away. OK, so I or like the grandmother sending Ping Pho away, knowing that it wasn't her choice. So she's like, I don't want to

be stuck like this. Like that could have had an effect on her too. Yeah. Whatever it was, it was losing her best friend that did something to her mindset because she that was the the one person probably that she could talk to like she knew her, but she saw like what this controlling, expecting to play a role did to Pinkva. So she's like, I don't want my life thrown away like that. OK. Now with Chet, leaving him completely changed her life.

Now with him it didn't. Not just dealing with him, she was removed from her family and fully going after what she wanted. She became even more guarded and stubborn and then with the grandmother's death, Big Nung regressed big time. And we we saw this play out and in the process made her hurt Little Nung, which made Little Nung have even more trauma. Yes. So basically there's a lot of shit going on, especially when

people leave her. Yeah. Like there's always something like you can never predict how big Nung is going to react because of this flight response especially. Yeah, I don't even think she knows. And that's part of the part of the problem. And also it's being exacerbated now with Little Nung because she has major feelings that she hasn't had before. And it's like making her more unpredictable to herself and like, is upping the anxiety of these flight responses probably that she's having.

Yeah. So in summary, it's 100% valid that Little Nung is super insecure about losing Big Nung if she's no longer physically with her every single day. Because remember, part of Little Long's insecurity is I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. If I tell you enough, you'll believe me.

And then I think also part of it is if you see me enough, you'll want me. So I wonder if that's part of it where she's like, if I disappear and you don't see me, you're gonna forget me. And then like, but also we keep bringing up Little Nung is the one who physically grounds her. Yeah. So without her there bringing her back down, like she can use her words all she wants but physically she has to bring her down sometimes.

So without that she will spiral. And again, there is also the time change, so if she's spiraling and can't even communicate with little Nung. Then. She's she could go to a dark place and then isolate herself from her even more. And I can go both ways. Yeah, that too. Because especially right now, little Nun's mental health's not OK. Everybody's a therapist. Yeah. Where's their therapist? And yeah, it's it's a top off

the insecurity. Like there is evidence, like we've seen on screen that big nun can change their feelings on a dime or she'll run away or she'll get swept up in some new suitor. Like a bit. Little one has been insecure about this the whole time and like she's afraid and she's like there's and she's powerless to stop any of this because everyone's making she's being forced into it. So like hence the brokenness.

And while big little Nung is bawling her eyes out, Big Nung is sitting on the phone just in silence. OK so after getting asked the question basically why should I believe you or like will you? What did she ask her? It's been Oh my God, the rant was so long. How can I believe in you? OK, it was a good rhythm, OK. Sorry. No, don't be sorry I just forgot the question. OK Big nog knows the answer to this question. OK.

She definitely knows because that's what she's basing the gambit on. Like she's a whole ass life. She understands her feelings for what they are and and like that's what she's basing the two year gambit on where she's like well I'm not going to change my feelings and she's proven she wants so we'll be fine. But she doesn't answer the question and the reason she does it is because she knows if she tells Little Nung the answer is yes.

This will influence Little Nung's behavior when she goes abroad, and then Big Nung will indirectly rob Little Nung of all these experiences she wants her to have in order to come into adulthood and figure out who the hell she is and then choose her on her own. OK. She doesn't again because she's afraid of the regret. If I influence you and you choose me and it turns out poorly, you'll hate me forever or like I'll never see you again, you'll disappear or whatever.

So she's like, I can't influence you. You have to make the choice after we go through all of this, basically. OK. So while all this is happening, Long's grandmother comes out of literally nowhere and confiscates little Long's phone. OK, all right, So yeah, she literally comes out of nowhere, but by the point. Like. And obviously by the point she takes the phone, she is standing right next to Little Nung. So the question is why? Didn't Little Nung? Notice she was there earlier.

That's a good she's blown her eyes early. She had to have heard or seen something coming. And I know she's crying, but with her childhood trauma, she is going to be in tune to the fact that her grandmother could walk in because I'm sure that grandmother did not tolerate crying, so crying out loud would be a risk for her. Yeah. Like this is a trauma that sticks with you and like you're painfully aware.

Like of any noise, you're like you hear something, you immediately stop and like freeze. I mean, she is a fight response, not a freeze response. So I mean it affects everybody differently. I'm. Surprised. Didn't like go. Did she try to attack her? Would you go? She wouldn't do that. She would never do that. This regression is she's being treated like a child getting her phone taken away. And this is the grandmother trying to reinstate her control over Little Numb. She doesn't have much

opportunity left. So this is this is all she can do. This is all she knows how to do. Yeah, I can only explain it that, like, little one's given up. She's just given up on life. And therefore, like, fuck it. Like, what's the point? So like, even if she did hear the grandmother, what's the point? But she does seem genuinely shocked when the grandmother takes the phone and she's so I don't know, no, like, like how silent is OK, No, this is what I wanted. To bring.

All right, is this the grandmother? And if you don't know, this is a reverse for you. They're murder for her. Yes. And I'm, I'm sorry if you haven't seen reverse for you. You shouldn't. I shouldn't brought. I shouldn't have brought this out. Yeah, I should cover everything up. I don't know if you can cut all of that out. There's lesbian ghosts, though. So if you wanna figure out what that is, that's a reverse for you. Episode 6 reaction video. Yeah. The six reaction. It's on YouTube.

No, that's good. It is gonna be you on YouTube. It's gonna be. It will be on YouTube, by the way. It will be on YouTube, Yeah. So. That's interesting, Go watch a reverse for you. Just a quick plug is the grandmother of of robbing ninja grandmother, which I think she just proved. How does that connect to Reverse for you? Watch the reaction. Watch the reaction for you. It's the beginning anyway.

You don't actually have to watch reverse for you to watch this ridiculousness that happened anyway. But also go watch Reverse for you. It's a great show in an even better novel. OK, so Grandmother Ninja's the phone. That's where we're at. And this bitch has the audacity, cause audacity is genetic in this family to get on the phone and then talk down to Big Nung. Here's my rant. Here's a summary of how this goes down.

Hey, Big Nung, I thought you understood the deal that we made, but I guess you don't because your parents died and therefore you're raised without manners. The grand man's spirit must be hexing your ass left and right. Leave my granddaughter alone. That's the conversation, Grandmother alone. Continue. First of all, fuck you bitch. Fuck you all the way to hell now. This was fucked up.

Second of all, Big Nung, who is not starring in The Secret of Us, tries to explain that she's worried about little young safety given the suicide ideation that's currently happening actively in the scene, but this bitch just dismisses her concern. Ma'am, go join The Secret of Us. Please go join. You'd get on swimmingly with those characters. Have fun. You would, she would, she'd fit right in. Perfect. Also, you can't claim to love your granddaughter when you do shit like this.

Like you just can't after this bitch then ends the phone call after degrading big non. She walks out of the room like it was a victory while her granddaughter is violently sobbing on the bed. What is wrong with this family? I, I, I mean, I just keep trying to explain it. It's like the equivalent of big of Chet looking at the photo of his daughter, happier than he's ever actually seen her in real life and being like, wow, big nun's a deviant.

I must go attack her. And then this bitch comes in her daughter's her going daughter's clearly not OK. And then the girlfriend who's gone through hell in a handbag to like profess her love for her and be like, I'll wait for her for three years. Whatever, it'll be fine then. Tells you I'm worried about her right now. Look at her. And then the grandmother was. Like fuck you. Fuck you, orphan. How was? That it's such a personal attack. It's for Jason. I feel like it was. It was terrible.

Every single thing my grandmother ever probably thought. Since. Meeting Jason coming. Out. It's like, OK, it's like when you're in America right now and a certain horrible human being gets elected as president and all the desporables come out of the woodwork and start saying horrible things to people because they feel emboldened. That's what this woman reminds me of. She's like, I have no respect for you, Nung. Let me show you how I thought of you this whole time.

That's that monologue for me where it's just like. I see your true color shining through. Literally, Oh my God, the I hate this grandmother something I hate where she treats Nung. I understand whatever, but I hate her for the same. And just like again, you can't see this like your granddaughter's not OK. And then you just leave the room. Like, yeah, I won. And like does not console little Nung. Nothing just leaves, just leaves. I just like this was really

random. This was This was pretty random. For her to just like go off like this, I think you're right. I think it was just her just being like, I, I'm going to say everything I ever wanted to say to you. Leave my granddaughter alone. You deplorable you, you gender deviant. Did you quote? Because her and Cheddar are on the same wavelength. So this is like it has the same energy. I really hate her and him. OK. Meanwhile, Big Nung just gets cut off right?

And she's so distraught by again, this is left unresolved. Your girlfriend just told you I'm suicidal. And then like the grandmother comes in and tells you to fuck off and nothing gets resolved. And then you're like, what a horrible position to be in as big nun who's had a sister that she lost to suicide. And like, I, she takes a seat and I really, really hope big nun called Pingva because that was not against the rules to be like, can you please check on

your, your daughter? I'm worried she called me and said this and I'm worried about her. Can you please go check because I know your mother's not going to do it. Can you please go check on her? Like, I really hope she called Pingva and told her this. OK, so the the grandmother is in the rung for not noticing that little Nung is crying and probably hasn't stopped crying

in two weeks or left her room. I think one of those things were just like, you'll get over it, you'll go outgrow it, it'll be fine, grab some dirt in there or whatever. I still, I do think that she's hurting because little Nung is leaving, but just because it's the fact that she failed. So she's hurt by that. So she's hurting big. Nung. For that, because it's Big Nung who was the catalyst for this Big Nung's fault. It's Big Nung. The whole thing's Big Nung's fault. Yeah.

So it's always. I'm gonna hurt you like you hurt me like that's that's the moral of this whole episode. I like the deplorables in America that I was talking about. Cruelty is the point. The cruelty is the point. This was designed to hurt big numb and also little numb cause like she's like, you're my disappointment because I raised you better than this. Suffer for a bit. It's cruelty is the point. That's the point. There are people in the world

who are just like this. The cruelty is exactly the point and it's insane. It is insane. Hence America. It's insane. Many, many deplorables. Later that evening, Big Nung is alone in her room, reflecting on the entire Little Nung situation. And she's hyperphysiating, specifically on Little Nung's words about not being able to see each other and wanting to end her life. I mean, at least someone's carrying that. Little Nung doesn't want to live.

Yeah. I mean, Big Nun's just proving she can never be in the secret of us. Yeah, yes. And that's a great. Thing however I would. Love to see Big Nung and Ingva. In the same scene. I mean yes Big Nung, I wanna see Big Nung in every scene. But anyway, it's been 2 weeks and Big Nung is already feeling the repercussions of distancing herself from Lil Nung. And now things are like very dire. Like she's on the cusp potentially of never seeing Little Nung ever again.

If she goes through the suicide thing, if something goes wrong and there's nothing she can do about it, she can't check up on her. Just like nothing. It's like a moment of absolute hopelessness and all she can do, the woman that spirals and gets in her head is spiral and get in her head, Which is exactly what she's doing. And I wonder in this moment if maybe Big Nong feels like she

made a mistake. And which is ironic truly, because the whole dilemma she's been in the entire show, like her trauma from songs death really, is that she's been trying to figure out how to make better choices that don't negatively impact other people. Because remember when she left the palace what she told Ping Feh about the pregnancy stuff that was all like easily known being selfish. And I've explained this before what I mean by that.

And like she's trying to figure out like, well, how do I put other people 1st? And like, how do I come? And this was finally something where she's like, OK, we can all get what we want. This is the compromise. If we can do this. And then like, I selfishly get what I want. They get what they want. Like, it'll all work out. And like, here's this terrible thing that's about to happen where like she loses everything. And just like, like, how do you ever make a decision ever again?

Like if this really went S, you know? That. But like and like I I totally understand why Big Nung over thinks every decision for this, but making better choices that don't harm others isn't really realistic. She she can't accept this yet, but because like decisions are always going to affect others and you don't know how it's going to affect them. It's like the butterfly effect. You do one thing, it's going to have a ripple. So no matter what you do, if

there's infinite possibilities. So it just creates an even bigger spiral because you don't know what to do. Like you can't know what to do, right? And that's just, you're right, that is life. But like big Nung is at the point where she's like, if I can think through every scenario possible and if I can choose the one that's like the least like harmful, that's the and she just is trying really. And I understand where she's coming from. Like it's really hard to make

decisions. Decisions can be crippling for people to make because of all these what if scenarios that you try and play out in your head to figure out what is actually the best one. Not just for me, but for everybody. And I feel so bad for her 'cause like, she's did a spiral. Like, she was spiral forever. Spiral is like her middle name at this point. Yeah. Big Spiral Nung. I'm just kidding. So she's a big Nung, is big, stressed and misses her other half, understandably.

So what does she do? She tries to feel closer to Little Nung by taking Little Nung's advice, which is to listen to her favorite DJ radio talk show that she listens to when she's stressed. So Big Nung gravitates to an iPad, computers Big Nung to play the radio show. And I wanna give a shout out once again to the blank intern that designed the props because I love the Big Nung's background on the iPad or the name of the radio station. I'm not sure. It's called 9 star.

Good job, good job, intern. I love it. It's like, why make up a name? Let's just no. How do I listen to this Google 9 star? It just could go down the rabbit hole. Anyway, love it. Good job intern who he decide that? I just assume it's an intern. It's like something that intern would have to do. Definitely the props department. But yeah, yeah.

So while big Nung sulks, CEO Juan serenades us with big Nung's theme song in the background from season 1 because that's she clicks the radio 9 star radio and then the CEO of nine star starts singing to us. So it's perfect the intern. Good job, intern it, It is perfect. That's perfect. And I was paying attention to the lyrics and you, you are right that these theme songs give everything away. They give everything away. They spoil the whole show. It's like what is the main?

Conflict, listen to the theme song. So you know what go the loyal pen cause in the first season there's no lyrics so you can't spoil. Buy the theme song anyway, we'll open and figure it out. But anyway, I love the theme songs because when you're sad, you miss the show, you still listen to the theme song and you're like that. So I'm reliving the whole thing. Which is. A good and bad thing.

All right, so Big Nun turns on CEO Juan, listens to her serenade for a bit, then she goes and doesn't like what was this move? She doesn't sit down on the bed, she doesn't take a seat. She she sits on the floor. Big nung, big perfect, big nung, the ML sippicorn since Alex chooses to sit on the floor because she's feeling low. All right, so she's getting getting low, but not in the club way in the I'm depressed way. OK, Logan, she's not going from the window to the wall. Neither are we.

And this also isn't red, white, royal blue. Great scene. All right, I have a quick. I have a quick. Sound do it for this part. So big, numb, sitting on the floor, very sad. Her lover is suicidal. Will she become one? I don't know. But at this point I get an ad. Finding a therapist. Should be easy, not impossible, I'm telling you. OK? I had the same thing happen to me when I was watching Blake and I was got a sad part and got it. I might have been this.

I got an ad that was just like that. Do you need therapy? I was like. That would be that one, And as soon as I realized what was happening, I paused. Was it a black woman speaking to you? Is the ad? I was like a black woman speaking to me. No, they have so many ads. I know it's true. It could have been half their business Is just creating a commercial. Funny, but no. And I was like, well, OK, so weird thing about YouTube ads, you can't go backwards. So like rewind?

I know I missed. The opportunity I was trying to, I wanted to go back and relive what just happened and I couldn't. But I, I was so I thought it was so funny, the placement of the ad because it was a depressing moment in blank. And they're like, do you need a therapist? And like, I just let him play. I was like, you can get my money for this because this is the perfect ad placement. Like well done.

But I'm pretty sure when it happened to me, it was like a crazy moment that was happening, not like a sad moment. And it was like, I'm pretty sure a therapist. I think it was early on in the show and I think it was 104. I think it was 104, like the whole family stuff. Like I just started laughing or something. And I was like, do you need therapy? Therapist? I see what you're watching anyway. Yeah, it was so funny. So yeah, at the ad place that they're super funny when it's

like therapy in this show. Anyway, good job, YouTube. That was funny. All right, so back to Big Nun. So Caitlyn got some therapy and went back and watched the episode. So Big Nun's on the floor staring at the phone. And if you watch her, she's like caressing the phone like tenderly, almost like it's like she like, OK, I think she wants to contact Little nun. That's obviously what she wants because she's freaking out and she's worried about her, hence the stress.

Hence 9 stars playing in the background. So it's like the phone is like the surrogate little nun because like little nun's in there. She could hear her in there if she could had the ability to like contact her, but no one doesn't have her phone. So it's like you're so close, it's so far away kind of thing, right? And as she's pressing the phone, probably thinking about if I could only talk to her now, what would I say? She starts crying and in a very small voice says, Nung, I'm

completely broken too. Like this is not it's not one sided. And it's really interesting that she's parroting back Little Nung's words like verbatim, because when little Nung said it, what was the follow up line to that? It was I can't stand it. I don't want to live anymore. We do you need therapy, right? Play the ad to big nut 9 star. Be like do you need therapy? Play the app. That's our station anyway anyway. So funny.

I find it interesting that it's now that she says this out loud because again, she has a habit of saying things that little nung needs to hear, but not too little nung. Correct? She can never say it directly. Granted, there is a lot more going on here like you. You did bring up earlier how she felt like she couldn't even though, even if she wanted to tell her this because of the implications. But I think everything needs to go out the window right now. I mean, this girl needs some

reassurance, right? But the problem is the grandmother confiscated the phone. She cannot now. It's too late. That's the thing. I think that's why she's sitting there crossing the phone and it's like, all of these are the things I wish I told you when I had the chance. This is like a regret moment because she feels like she made a mistake and now she's in the regret phase of that and being like, which I really hope she called Ping Phi. She's like Ping Phi. Please check on her.

I'm worried. Oh God, I. Please If yeah, because that's really the only ally. That's the only person who would take that seriously. The only person. So I, I assume that's what happened because Slimlok's still with us. So. OK, so anyway, the this line, I, I just wonder how far along that line of thinking 'cause she's parroting Little Long's words. How far along that line of thinking was big? Not 'cause she's clearly not in a good place. She's sitting on the floor, OK?

She's down real bad. And not in a the Taylor Swift down bad, She's down bad crying at the gym. That's yeah, there we are anyway. But she's not petty yet. So and then at this stage, she has no influence whatsoever over Little Young's family to like help or reverse this aside from my head kit. And that she had, she probably reached out to Pig Pho and was

like, please watch out for her. So at this moment, she's just alone in her childhood home, the same place where Song died and having really dark thoughts and she's not sleeping, she's not eating. We've seen that. We saw that in the sadness montage. And even Sam can't fully help her right now, so she's on a downward spiral, right? I'm worried about her. Yeah. Yeah, right. I'm worried about her in this scene. Isolation isn't good for anyone, No.

And I also assume the lesbian ghosts in the Bua Palace also are not. They're worried about Big Nun. And I'm pretty sure they hijacked the radio station to send Big Nug a message because then a DJ starts speaking and it kind of sounds like want it kind of sounds like the CEO, but I don't know that it is the CEO. It'd be really cool if it was. I don't know. Let us know the comment if you

know the voice for who did this. I'm just curious anyway, so the voice of the radio says anyone who wants to Share your story and want call us. We can help you with your will be your therapy. This is basically the YouTube insert that's like, do you therapy therapy? Call us is basically what this was. And Bigni thinks on this for a minute.

She's like, I do need some therapy because this DJ out here offering solace for anybody who needs it, and Big Nung really needs it. But more than that, she's fairly because her dilemma right now is I want to communicate with her. That's why she's caressing the phone. But she can't do that because Little Nung doesn't have her phone. But look, Big Nung learned about computers, and she's like, I'm pretty sure Little Nug is listening to this show right now, or at least that's what

he's hoping. And sidebar, Big gun, if you just learn for five seconds how to use social media apps, you could be cutting with long right now. She didn't need the phone talk to you. I'm just throwing that out there. I hope you get there someday in case this happens again. Watch her get super paranoid that this will ever happen again. And she'd be like, we're doing all the things. I'm tracking your phone, you're tracking my phone all like all the things.

I'm setting up. I'm setting up an emergency Facebook account like just in case. Like she would go crazy at the end. And long will be like, long will be like, this is unnecessary because I'm never leaving you ever again. Like here's these handcuffs never or never pardoning ever again. So bottom line, Big Nung is like Little Nung listens to this when she's stressed. I know she's stressed. I heard her on the phone. She's probably listening to the show.

And at this point, she's run out of options to communicate with Little Nung, like I said, and also like to feel, just feel closer to her. Even if Little Nung's not listening, I feel like this is Little Nung's hobby, the one she was like Big Nung, please understand my hobby and she tried to understand this hobby. So I feel like participating in the hobby is another way to just like, be closer to her, like, you know, so she's sitting there seriously considering calling

the therapist DJ, right? But to call the therapist DJ on the live radio show involves sharing her personal life with strangers, total strangers. And this is the opposite of what Big Nun was raised to do. It's something that makes her super uncomfortable, like totally out of her comfort zone. Danger, danger, right? That's what she was taught by her grandmother. So she's like keep quiet and look perfect, be perfect at all times. Don't fucking talk to them. So she doesn't.

That's why she's very closed off. But she's sitting here taking a hot 2nd to think about this. And you kind of see her struggle with this decision because it's scary for her to personally like do this. OK, it's something that really terrifies her, but she's willing to do it for a little none and also herself in this moment because in her mind, like this is like a this is a balanced

action in a way. Like, you know, like I get to share my life and feel better and maybe a little one can hear it and feel better and like we all win, right? Like, what could possibly go wrong? What a loaded question. Well, isn't it? Isn't it? Never ask what. Could go wrong with the aura. Come on now. All right, so then we cut over to Luna, who's who is in fact alive, thankfully, and listening to the radio show. And we hear the DJ talking to their guest.

And the DJ starts by saying kun ah, I think, or kun ah, it's just it's print. It's it's Kun a on the subtitles. And I wonder like, cuz that's an, it sounds like an alias to me, like caller number one, you know what I mean, where they de identify people because like you're talking shit about other other people basically. And so it's like healthcare. You de identify it and then talk about the case without the personal information. That's that's what it seemed like.

We'll get to why. I don't know what's going on, but like, OK, that's the translation. OK, so I wonder about the alias if this is what's happening cuz I couldn't hear it when the DJ was actually speaking. So I wonder like did did numb give the alias or did the, does the DJ like assign it where they're like caller #2 what is your story? You know what I mean? That's kind of what it gave me is like the, the DJ was saying this, right? Because privacy reasons.

I'm just curious. How many people? Call in so like do as does. Everyone have to like give. Like a a elevator pitch of their sad story and then like the saddest 1 gets on the air. Or is it just like you wait in a queue and then the next caller? That's usually a radius. That's how radiators in America used to work. Yeah, when you're calling in, Right. But I don't know. I don't know.

But here's my theory. Like if if let's play the game, if big Nun gave the alias OK, then it means that she chose this alias, right? And Kun Ah is exactly what Little Nun called her in the car when they were doing that flirting exchange in two O 4. So I wonder if Big Nung's like, I'll use an alias that Little Nung will recognize. As if Little Nung wouldn't have your voice memorized. She's like, here's another clue. It's me, basically.

OK. But I'm gonna point out the weird part that I think you also understand too, Caitlin. The weird part for me is that if that's all true, like it starts off with an alias, but then when Big Nung starts talking to the DJ, she starts referring to herself as Kun Nung. So I'm not sure why there's an alias in the translation. Oh no, that's not what I was talking about. She is using her own name when she's speaking and she refers to herself as Kunung. Oh.

Interesting. Yeah, that I was confused. I maybe it's a mistranslation. I don't. I don't know, that's why I. Thought that she gave her their name. Gave them her name. There we go, that's the right part. I ask because I know I'm jumping and like I'm not going to like actually explain anything. But then she. Says when the person actually gets her to give little Nung the message. She says nung. Nung. I love. Yeah, But I, I, I it's hilarious because it just sounds like

she's in love with herself. If they know her name. I mean, it's very nung. It's fine. Feel like I get it. I get it. Call her. Oh, lovely. She can't see her, so whatever. All right, so as predicted, Little Nung is in fact listening to her favorite show because she is hella stressed and she's sitting there in Ping Fu's room for her caressing her stand in Big Nung, which is the cat plushie because they share a brain cell.

And by the 1st sentence, Little Nung immediately recognizes the voice as Big Nung. And then we get this really sweet monologue, basically from Big Nung and reactions from Little Nung, in which Little Nung gets to hear how the relationship started and progressed from Big Nung's point of view and from everything we know about Big Nung the hermit, the one who guards their feelings. I get the impression that Big Nung never divulged any of this information to Little Nung before.

As we've seen and I've pointed out many times, these two never directly talk about their relationship. So that tracks. And then Big None also really struggles to confess her feelings. So here's little None at her lowest low getting this uninterrupted love confession, basically from big None. And to big None's credit, while she's talking to the DJ, she's honest. Like, she's very honest when she's like describing all of this. And Bing Dong explains the greatest hits where Lung started

by following her around. She kind of stalked. I had a stalker. This girl was stalking me and insisted we were dating and then tried to move in, which was kind of weird. But you know, at first it in all seriousness, at first, it started with this transactional relationship where she was like, I was an artist, she's the customer and she would come in and ask me to draw her. Nothing weird. She gave me money. That was my job. It's fine. And I just thought nothing of it.

I'm like, she keeps showing up. She must like my drawing, this must be great. And then she's like, get a move in. I was like, wait a minute. Which we all know, but from Big None's point of view, she's like, there was like, basically, she explains. There's something captivating about Little None, particularly her eyes, which Big None as the artist drawing the caricatures was forced to stare at while she drew Little None. The staring in that context is totally normal.

And she stared a lot because Little Nung showed up a lot and had so many drawings of herself from Big Nung. OK. And then Big Man explained something we weren't Privy to, which is that while she was doing the caricature that Little one paid her to do, Little one would sit there and make faces at her, like funny faces and shit. And I can imagine this playing out or big ones trying to draw her and she keeps making faces. She's like, you need to stop doing that.

And she's like, be an asshole. She'll be I'll stop drawing if you don't. Fine. It's just hilarious. It's it's so them. And then Big Nung through that got to know Little Long's audacity, which was that little Nung kept insisting you secretly like me, which is so funny. The audacity of that statement and big Nung on the phone with the DJs. Like the audacity of this bitch, right? No, I love it. I was like it was. Ridiculous. And like her little smile and

little dog chuckles. You hear her laugh. She's like, I am a audacious bitch. Alright. You hear her laughing because she is she's like it's good times section of this whole thing. I know it's like even like deeper later, but like this is my favorite. Like the amount of it just shows how much Big Nung actually did appreciate that time in their relationship even though she

looks so annoyed. And the amazing part was that Lil Nung saw through all her bullshit from the beginning when Big Nung was more closed off than she is now. All right, so like you said, cuts a little Nung little and gives this a little smile because again, with all that audacity in the world, the bitch was right. She was right, She was right the whole time.

And then big monk circles back to the staring at little monk's face part and mentions that little monk's eyes were so stunning for her that she's like, when I looked in her eyes, it felt like the world stopped. And it cuts to the glasses scene that we have a problem with. It always comes back to that damn, always comes back to the glasses, right? Because again, it was supposed to. It's supposed to be a symbol of many things.

But like the implication that you can't have glasses on it would be beautiful is just ridiculous. But anyway, it's just absurd. But it was like an uninterrupted quiet moment of the two of them alone. And Little Big Nung was staring in Little Nung's eyes. And she stayed there for a minute. And this is explaining what was happening when she was in that moment. Like her heart stopped the world. Like this is heart stopper, the good heart stopper, not the chows of the version heart

stopper. She's off in people. This is heart stopper. That's great. That's. The name of the Chao Pinoy universe Heart Stopper. Like she always asked at least one person. The Grand Man was a victim of Heart Stopper. In this series anyway. Oh my. Gosh, I think my heart might stop we. Started doing that affair. I can't remember. We started doing that. But anyway, heart stopper that's tell her what's wrong. That's the the name of her universe.

It was right, Yeah. And then she also mentions that like, Lulong had this very bright smile and that she never felt like this before, ever with anybody ever. When I like all the space imagery going on here, like the world's stopping and using the word bright to describe her smile because that's invokes the sun, like sunshine, which is warm and and all these kinds of things.

And every time Big Nung is kind of explaining all this, it keeps cutting the little Nung and she's just more engrossed in the radio show than she normally is. She's hanging around every single word of this because she's never heard this before. Because remember, she was just treated like she was annoying the whole time. And like, here's Big Nun being like, no, like she made the world stop for me kind of thing.

And Big Nun confesses that like over time, she just wanted just wanted to be around Lil Nung. And she's like, I just, I like it wasn't just her coming to me. Like the relationship shifted from a little nun came to me and wore me down kind of thing to Big Nung wanting to go seek out Little Nung to see her. Like it shifted. And then Big Nung admits that she doesn't want or she didn't want Little Nung to disappear.

Well, she's sorry. She mentions that everything was going great, but then one time she disappeared from my life. So this was the time when like the parents came into town or Pingfa came into town, chat came into her life and they're the weird thing was happening where she's trying to shop with Pigfa and it was got weird and Lilong ran away. So I think that was it. Anyway, No, there was two. No, no, I'm sorry. It wasn't that that was a that

was a disappearing moment. It was the chat one where it happened and then like they weren't talking and Big Nun couldn't sleep. So she mentions like, she disappeared once and I couldn't sleep right, which we've seen that she, yeah, amplifies her panic. Every time Lilong disappears, it gets worse.

And again, what a victory for Lilong to hear all this romantic stuff from Big Nun and like a validation that again, she was right the whole fug and time and she's saying I don't want her to disappear again on the cusp of little Nung going to America in the morning. OK. And then the biggest confession of all is the I've never felt like this with anyone confession. And I really, I think little Nung kind of suspected Big Nung is not somebody who just like Willy nilly gives away her

feelings. But I don't think she knew the extent of that up until this point because like she knows that big Nung is a bit of a loner. She doesn't have many friends. That's why when Wand Viva showed up, she's like, what do you mean friends? You don't have friends? What do you? What kind of friend? What does this mean? And Sam shows up. She's like, who's this woman? Like she doesn't No, she like has connections.

And then big nun was also like previously engaged and then like long overtime figured out like wand Viva, there's something happened there in the past. So like, Big Nung's not like relationship averse, like she's not avoiding them. She's kind of been in them in a way, right? But she's she's alone. And Little Long has made comments throughout their relationship that suggests that she knows that Big Nung views her as some kind of exception.

Like, remember when they got in the argument with the driving lesson and Big Nung apologized like immediately? Because this is a disappearing moment and she apologized. And Little Nung's like you don't apologize to anyone other than me. Kind of thing. And she's always like, I can see you love me from space. Like she gets the sense that she's an exception in Big Nung's life. But I don't think that Little Nung really knew that Big Nung's feelings towards her were this

unique. Like never felt like this ever. She's 36 years old, right? I don't think she knew that until she heard it here. Like how unique she is to Big Nung and so now little one knows that in all 30 plus years of Big Young's life, she is The only exception. Oh my God for Caitlin's brain. Cue the paramour song. You can sing it. The only exception you that. Was presumptuous of you. Who think I knew that song? You don't Glee. That's why you. Don't I? No, I know it.

Before it, we played on the radio all the time when I was in, like, middle school. But I know you know it from Glee. Yeah, that's true. OK, That's because we've talked. We've talked about it. We talked about Glee. Got it. All right, so after this big man pivots into the reality of their relationship with the DJ and how like it wasn't right. And I think what she said is right. She doesn't mean like in a right from wrong kind of way.

I think she's meaning like there were problems, like it wasn't quite right in a way that like it wasn't perfect. I think it's kind of what she's saying. And this is when Lil Nung hearing this, starts crying because before she's just hanging on everywhere. Now she's like crying because is this conversation that Long's experience, right? She's constantly on the roller coaster of emotions with big non OK.

And it's always like the high points are the happy fantasy moments and the low points are like the tragic reality of their situation. And it's, you know, kind of going back and forth over and over again. And with their relationship, it's always like, oh, I want to be with you, but there's always a but. So she's like, damn it again. But like it is reality. So big nun gets when big. So remember little nun starts crying when they get to the sad part.

And then big Nung starts crying when she gets to her most difficult confession. When she talks about how she let little nun go because there was it wasn't quite right. There was something wrong with her relationship. She let her go. And she says before I let her go, she asked me if I loved her. And she says it was a very easy question, but I refuse to answer her. So like, let's unpack this for a second.

So and then remember, this is the part where big young is like struggling to like say this to the DJ. Because to me, I think this is her biggest regret because I was mentioning, I wonder if she realizes or is thinking, did I make a mistake? Am I going to regret this forever the way I regretted? Like because again, she's song triggered and that's been her journey with the songs aftermath stuff, right? Is that the regrets of it and Lung helped her through that and all kind of stuff.

I think she's back in that kind of place. So she admits to Little Nung and the world that she let Little Nung go, which Little Nung probably took as an admittance, that Big Nung chose not to fight, which probably made Little Nung more upset, which probably why she's crying. Yeah. That that's probably fair to assume, yeah, but Big Nug admits basically when Little one asks do you love me? Was an easy question because again little Nung, you can't see the answer from space.

So it is an easy question and she admits that she again refused to answer it on purpose. So like, why would she do that? Because it goes back to what I said earlier. Big Nung knew if she confessed in that moment, if she was truly honest in that moment, that little one would choose her immediately. In the conversation with the family, Little already showed she chose Big Nung, right? And she said fuck my family, I choose you.

And she knew if she just said it right then and there, Little Nung would choose her in that moment and never look back. Never. And while Big Nung wants that because then she gets Little Nung to herself forever because she does want, she does want that. No matter how much she oscillates, that is at the core of what she actually wants. She doesn't want to be Little Ng's villain origin story, and I've gone over this a million

times. She does not want the scenario that Mon and Sam were fighting about in the show when Sam's like, did you regret loving me? She doesn't want that to play out. Remember, they had that conversation. She's afraid of that. That's what she's afraid of. But most of all, she doesn't want Little Nung to regret choosing her because Little Nung didn't know any better and she might leave her one day. So that is the biggest, that is the big fear here.

And after the DJ shows some empathy towards Big Nung's pants, a good job DJ. Little Nung totally be this DJ because she's very empathetic. Big Nung then launches into more of it where she's basically the the crux of it where she's saying like she confesses in the relationship, she felt like she was being selfish and she's like, it wouldn't be fair for me to just keep her, which is what she wants, right?

And again, from past experiences, when Big Nun chooses something that she wants, something that's selfish, where she's putting what she wants first, it ends up hurting the people she loves. So she's like, I'm afraid of that happening. And she desperately wants to believe Little Nun when she says her feelings won't change. She wants to believe Little Nung when she tells her that she knows what their future is going to look like and she's OK with

that. Which was the point of the end of two O 4, that very last scene of them on the couch. Big Nung wants to believe all of that. She wants to be the believer that Little Nung is. But she's scared. A lot of the conflict here in the show is Big Nung. She's scared and Big Nung has the life experience to like, confirm the fear that she has and Little Lung doesn't. And I mean, what I've been feeling over the past few days because of America, Big nuns

feeling the world isn't fair. It just isn't. The world is not a fair place. Idealism really works out. The world isn't just, it just is what it is because people are imperfect and that's the reality of the thing. And they're stuck dealing with these family members who are crazy. I'm just going to say it. And so they have to, and there's no escaping them at this point in time, right? And Bignung found out all of this when she ran away to become the artist, right?

And as the Grand Man pointed out in Blank, remember when they had the argument in season 1 where Sam coerces her into dinner with the Grand man with that restaurant, and the grand Man basically slapped Nung with the truth and she was like, successful. You can't come out here and tell me you're successful when you're like living off of Sam's money. How are you successful? How did this work out for you?

Right? Because that moment showed Nung that, like, she wasn't succeeding, like she thought she was. Like, she was under the illusion of achieving her independence at that time. Like, like, I love her. It was Sam's independence. Yeah. Like, she was living off of her. Like she really didn't achieve the things she set out to achieve. So. And bright, beautiful little Nung bleeds optimism. Like, her heart beats optimism. OK. It's part of being young. And I think that that difference

really terrifies Big Nung a lot. And that's part of where I think her age gap insecurity really comes from. And after Big Nung's confession, it cuts the Little Nung who's still struggling to process all these things that Big Nung just said. And what Big Nung is really confessing to her is that with every decision she made, Big Nung in her brain was constantly thinking about Lil Nung and

trying to put her first. Like she was thinking about Lil Nung's future specifically, which she's harped on a million times, and she was putting Little Nung first at the expense of her own happiness, hence the line. Like, it would be selfish for me to keep her to myself. And she's crying. You can hear her crying on the phone like that. She's upset about this. And as I mentioned in our last episode, this is essentially Big Nung sacrificing herself for Little Nung.

That's what a lot of this is. And by doing that, she'd spend the rest of her life suffering with this decision, potentially to save Little Nung. And sacrificing oneself to save others is a very feminine coded trait, which is the opposite of big Nung, the character's visual coding, because she's more like masculine coded in a lot of her actions and like her wardrobe a

little bit, things like that. So I wonder if the self sacrifice that big Nung has been making and we've been talking about because we can see it, but little Nung I don't think really saw it. And I wonder if part of that was because she sees Big Nung as more masculine coded and the more masculine action for fighting quote for the relationship would be for her to like go on the offensive all the time and do what Little Nung has been doing.

And so I wonder if she missed what was happening because like, you wouldn't expect somebody like Big Nung to to handle this the way she was handling it. Just food for thought there. It's a good thing to think about. Then the DJ asks Big Nung, all right, if your lost love is listening now, is there anything you'd want to tell her? And Big Nung says no. Why? All the reasons I just went over. She's admitting her true feelings to sacrifice her happiness for little. Bottom line.

That's what she's doing. Then the DJ. Poor little Nung. Poor, poor little Nung. Is listening to this like? What do you mean? There's nothing you want to say to me. Why'd you? Call. Don't worry the DJ because Big Nung is afraid of influencing Little Nung's decision making. Remember that that's what she's afraid of. So then the big, then the DJ comes in with empathy and is like an emotional intelligence,

all low known skills. She is perfect for this radio show and asks, well, OK, big nun or Kuna, whatever your name is, if she's not listening, is there anything you'd like to say? She's like, and then the DJ encourages the big nun like be sincere with your feelings. Like get this weight off your chest. What is burdening you is basically what she's saying because even the DJ can tell that Big Nung is holding back the truth. And that's also what frustrates Little Nung.

That is what I don't think Little Nung 100% doubts that Big Nung loves her. It's just like she's annoyed and heartbroken that she can't be truthful and, like, be honest with her feel and, like, fight for her feelings basically all the time. She's always, like, denying

herself. Yeah. She wants her to act on it. OK, so then Big Nung being like, OK, in the scenario where Little Nung's not listening, 'cause she doesn't know for sure Little Nung's listening, she's banking on it. But then she's like, OK, what if she's not? Like, And also again, she was sitting there looking at the phone being like, I regret not telling you things. So she's weighing with the decision. Do I be selfish or selfless in this moment? And she chooses to be selfless

or selfish. And she gathers all of her courage and then addresses Little Nung directly, the person who's not supposed to be listening, and tells Little Nung, Nung, I love you too, or I love you. And again, I think she chose to say that of all the things because her big regret was not answering the easy question. Have you ever loved me? And I think if it came down to anything big, none want would want Lola to know that more than

anything. And I think part of the reason she's saying it now is because Big Numg sitting on the floor, she's down real bad. I think she feels like she lost. She lost everything. She feels broken, just as hopeless as Little Numg feels about this. And she's got nothing left to lose. She's like, even if she does hear me, what does that change? They're taking her away tomorrow, so why not be honest about the selfish feelings? What does she have to lose,

really, at this point? And then in true Big Numg fashion, she says nothing. It just ends the call. I didn't catch that. That's my favorite part. That's my favorite part. She just ends the skull. It says nothing. She's out of it. But like, it's such a big thing. DJ's reaction, then hello, Who knows? First of all, this whole story goes on for so long without the DJ saying anything. And there are significant pauses in there, which is probably awkward. Very awkward on the radio, super

awkward. And DJ says nothing. So I don't know if the DJ was like. What the hell is happening? She OK DJ was definitely like that after I feel like, OK, we usually we you know, we have to get your permission to use this for social media. I'm not not actually, but you never know. Like you're not supposed to just hang up, but it just hangs. Up. It's so big. I love her so much. I got what I needed out of this.

She's done, She's done. Meanwhile, after hearing Big Nuns Love Confession, Little Nung does exactly what Big Nung was afraid of. She chooses a Big Nuns love confession influences Lung's behavior, and she chooses Big Nung over everything else. The exact scenario that Big Nuns afraid of starts coming into fruition right now. So Little Nung flees paying for his house and goes out to wait by the curb to get a taxi to get the fuck out of there.

And then she calls Big Nung while she's waiting for a taxi to appear and Big Nung answers the phone, says nothing, and Lulung is the one this time who just launches into it. And she says I heard everything. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, I'm coming to see you right now. Because fuck all of this, which is her energy from the conversation with the the family. Here it is again. All she needed was the green light from Big Nung. We're in this together.

Fuck my family. That's exactly what she's doing, exactly what Big Nung was afraid of doing it right now. But Big Nung was very smart. Yep. This is why she's doing what she's doing, OK? So big No is relieved to hear this because she's broken, OK? She thought Big No Lilong was an off herself. She's hearing her voice. You're alive. There's a lot of relief happening, OK? And all that relief of just hearing Lilong's voice and hearing what she's saying silences the warning bells in

her mind. And instead she just lets herself feel the joy because in the self sacrifice, the self sacrificing female is always denying themselves happiness, always. That's the power, right? So she lets herself feel the happiness finally. And you see that visually, Faya shows us that because she starts wiping the tears like she's not sad anymore. Her happiness is coming back. And she literally smiles.

OK, OK. But during this happy, happy moment on the screen, the lyrics say, should I put an end to everything right now? What 2? The. Next part go ahead thing the theme when theme song is ruined the show. OK, if you are somebody who doesn't like being spoiled, turn off the subtitles when theme songs in the Ty grow up shows are playing because they will tell you everything that's about to happen in the thing you're going to watch.

OK, that just FYIPSI. OK, so in her desperation to see Big Nung even faster, Little Nung on the phone with Big Nung jumps out into the street to hail a taxi that she sees. But she probably look both ways and she probably. You're not in America, OK, you're not in America. She was looking left. Their cars come from the right. I don't know what taxi. She was seeing the wrong way. She's looking the wrong way. Yeah, exactly.

She's I don't know what taxi she was trying to get 'cause the car if you go in the IT doesn't matter moving magic. I know girl, you don't come to America, girl. Anyway, don't come here. Just don't do it. And there's a car coming in the actual direction should've been looking. So and keep in mind while this is happening, Big Nung is still on the phone with Lil Nung and what does she hear? We cut to her. She hears screaming, honking, a crash noise, and then the

silence. And this goes down way differently in the book. I'll get to there in just a second. It's very child style, the way it goes down in the book. I need to, I need to know now. Let me finish this first and then I'll get to the book. OK. OK So Big Nog hasn't spoken since the I love you on the radio, but once she hears everything that just went down with the car crash, she jolts and panics like all the happiness is gone.

She's panicking again. And she starts calling little nuns name over and over and like her voice gets more and more desperate and broken and just because there's no response, there's just silence. So this is an actual nightmare that's playing out right now. OK, But Bignon looks to see if she'd like, did she discon? Did she hang up on her? Like the phone's still there. It's I mean, it's connected. The call's connected. And she just keep Bignon.

Bignon and character Bignon keep saying Nong over and over again and just leaves. Like she exits stage left because I assume she's just going to go to ping Fuzz where she knew that Lilong was or like get the mob, whatever she has to do to go find her. And the last shot is the aftermath of the car accident, which is little Nong with blood everywhere. The phone. What a cliffhanger. OK, but I believe we said this in the reaction video for the last episode.

So take note of what she looks like right now because I'm pretty sure the injuries don't match up to what she looks like right now or this accident in the next episode. Not fully right, it's more like a she has a head injury which you can see like a lot of the blood is coming from like probably the back of the head yeah, which is weird 'cause like car would have to like hit her tort.

I would expect her to have broken ribs and shit if the car if you actually have blood force trauma from a motor vehicle accident where it's hitting you like I didn't hear brakes so. Like. The car was like the hug was enough. That was your word and get out of the way, right? Like the the force of that. She'd have other injuries. But yeah, it's just like mostly because they're trying to set up the coma stuff. So it's like brain injury. Which?

Fair. OK, did you want to see your random comment before I get into the the Chow version of this? I don't know what do you think? Caitlin's random corner or Chow? Both are really random. Let me get into chow because chow. I figured that's that was the Chow is more relevant, logical. So the way this goes down in the book. OK, so similar scenario, kind of like the radio thing that was directly from the novel where like big nun calls this time little nun calls next time.

It's a good bookend. It's very cute. That happens. So after she calls, little nun calls her and it's like I'm coming, I'm getting a taxi right now and little one does get in a taxi and starts driving over to see big nun and big nun's like. So excited and like, Oh my God, she's coming over. It's like the happiest inner model you've ever heard from this woman is in playing in her mind right now or whatever. And then she gets a phone call and it's subdued from calling from Lulung's phone.

And it's like, who is this? And she's like, what the hell, What's going on? And he, this guy's calling her and he's like, oh, there was a really bad car accident where this taxi was driven off the road. The driver is dead, and the passenger whose phone this was is like being taken away in an ambulance. I was just trying to call somebody to let them know. Basically. It was like a cop that was like

calling her, I think. But yeah, Chao is like, great, I can murder someone else and like the taxi drive out of like, so you know what should have happened? The taxi driver should have had a heart attack while driving the car. And that's what should have I forget what hat like why they ran off the road. But it was like much more like horrific car accident where like one person did die in it. And then little nuns in like critical condition being taken away in the ambulance.

So like because she gets the call, big nun knows what hospital she's headed at. So that's how she ends up at the hospital because they tell her over the phone and so she gets there versus here. I I guess she I don't know how she got to the house. I guess she had to like track down. I don't know what to. Find my friends on. Right, Like does she like, 'cause I can't see her hanging up the phone willingly with

little long. So I wonder if she like tried to make another call like, well, that's on speaker to like call the cops and be like, there was an accident. I think I don't know. Can you go to the address? And maybe it played out that way. I'll scream, but Juana Soren, thank you for saving the taxi driver that does the book. You're not heart stopper, Chalice heart stopper. It keeps often people. Oh my God, she's like the George RR Martin of like.

If you don't know who that is, that's the writer of the Game of Thrones series, The Song of Ice and Fire, who loves often people. She is the George RR Martin of Thai girl love novels like she always is like murder. Let's do it. Someone's dying. Those novels, always. There's always at least one death. Oh my gosh. Anyway, what's your fun fact? I hope it's uplifting. I don't know if you read it and I'm.

Feeling you read the OK, so Caitlin's random corner that hasn't been here since before big energy was big energy. Yeah, literally. But there's no other name for this section. OK, it's. It's still the right name for this section. So I looked at. The phone, Why? I don't know. OK. So I. I zoomed in as much as I. Could on this phone and I just have a couple? Things to say Is the blank intern in trouble?

No. It's it's just literally this has to be someone's actual phone probably unless they green screened it which is plausible as well. But she has an unread text message and I just want to know who it's from. What the fuck who's texting her? Was it nong? I'm pretty sure now this is very blurry but I do have the same phone so I'm pretty good with the notifications at the top and like the way it looks. It looks like the message notification. OK. Next, she keeps her phone

charged. Means she's responsible, right? It looks it's. It looks. Like her phone's charged around 83%. This is so rare. I love it. OK, we're learning things about Little Nog. That's great. So she like big Nog leaves you unread and she's responsible with her her things. That's good. I apologize if any of this is wrong, but this is just like what my random brain thought of

6:30 this morning. OK, so do you notice on the phone there is this little video icon and it's grayed out in the middle of all of these other like white icons? OK, this means it's. You could do video calls. You could. You can do video calls, but she cannot video call Big NUM, which means it's possible that Big NUM disabled them on her phone, not allowing people to video call her. She would do that.

Honestly, she's a hermit. I can see her doing it or I can see her accidentally doing it and not knowing she did it. Again, she's somebody who doesn't strike me as somebody who's wants to learn a lot of technology and or is pretty good at it. So she would be the person that deletes all the apps. I was like, how did I do that? I don't know. I just did. I can see her doing that using the phone.

Like can you fix this for me? Because one of my favorite comedians, Eddie Izzard, who you want to see with me, has a a skit at the end of one of his, her. Sorry, she transitioned, Eddie. Yeah, she transitioned. And her like, one of her skits is basically about like how the world's going to like, it's Armageddon. The world's going to end with like the downfall of technology

kind of stuff. And like she, she's doing like an old person trying to use a computer and it's just like trying to connect to the Internet and they're like, I deleted the modem. No, I deleted the whole Internet. Like, how did I do? Like people who don't understand how to wield technology will like fuck everything up because they don't know what they're doing. As long as that person for me, she's like, what do you mean? I gave you a virus? Like, you know what I mean? A virus.

I'm not sick, right? Like she would do shit like that. Like she's she's that, she's that bitch. And I love her for that. In my head, in my head cannon, that's just she's bad at technology. Thank you, that was a great addition. So that is what we learned from Big Nung's phone that has fallen lifelessly. Little Nung's phone. Little Nung's phone. Sorry. It's OK. I love the unread text message. That's my favorite part.

All right, well, hey, so we gave you some levity and something else to think about with this really sad ending or really, really emotionally distraught cliffhanger. If you watched our reaction video for this particular episode, we didn't read the book and there was a lot of screaming. Good job, WADA Sorn. We were screaming when we got here for the very first time and theorizing about what was gonna happen in the finale. Bush will be covering the finale next. I can't. Little parts.

I can't believe that. Who knows? I mean, there's a lot of Pinkfas in it, so it'll probably be like 10 hours. For some reason, we love talking about Pinkfa. I love. How I said that as if I didn't know that Pinkfa was in it. I mean, obviously it's mostly big, non. Nothing wrong with that. Anyway. Taylor Swift songs. Yeah, I got some stuff.

Well, no big energy award, all right, Big energy award minds, big NUM getting the courage to talk about their relationship on the radio because that was really big for her to even admit it and to admit it to the public and to not be like him or these gender neutral stuff like I have. Like she literally said like the gendered word I think. So yeah, I'm pretty sure. And then she used her name. Yeah, yeah, no. How many condoms really are there anyway? And then?

Used little nuns name too. I love her so much. She's ultimately at the end of the day doesn't give any fucks. Like really she doesn't. She's just worried about the family. Stuff, Yeah. I'm gonna give the big A. Energy awards to Sam for trying to console them. I have another award. OK. I have a homophobia award. Is it Chad, which it which should be Chad, but it's not because I didn't actually think this one went through. OK, I keep it better. I can't wait.

The homophobia award goes to the car that hit little. No, that is fair. That's fair. All the rhymes for you car. But it could have been worse because we could have killed the driver like Chow would have and did in the novel. OK, the Taylor Swift songs. OK, so Nung is I almost do most of this episode because again, do you love me? Do you want to call? I want to call you, but I I almost do. That's big Nung. Big Nung is in her red era right

now. She's at home singing all too well to herself, like she's in her. This was a big break. That's really what that album is about. It's about like a big emotional, like first love ends and the actual visceral heartbreak that comes with that. Taylor Swift nailed it with the with her lyrics. Like nailed it. That's exactly what it feels like. Big Nung is the Red album in this absolute, just the Red

album. And then Lil Nung Pearl Nung can't even be 22 because she's trapped in this fucking house with these psycho parents of hers. She's not feeling 22. She's not feeling 52. She's feeling six years old. OK, not even that. Somewhere between 6:00 and 52. Because like by all this. Yeah, but he treated like a six year old. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's yes. OK. All right. Let's do it because I've been

talking about hours for so long. I'm not going to make you guys watch the music video which is technically just Patreon, but. I'm not not going. All in like Theora did because this is more pretty straightforward. So let's dive in a little bit. Two hours. I I don't really know what elevate. OK you know what? Elevators in morning. Yeah. Hold on, Caitlin, focus. It's been a long day. Elephant buttons and morning air. Let's That's gonna be Little Nung following Big Nung to her apartment.

Yes, yes, yes, tracks stranger Silence makes me want to take the stairs because Little Nung doesn't want to be around strangers like no people. Neither does Big Nung. Let's be no, we both don't want it. And but if you were here, we'd laugh about their vacant stairs. And I feel like. If Big Nung was with Little Nung right now, they. 'D be like this, this family. I mean, if they didn't have to actually care about the family. They'd be like. These bitches, yeah, but right

now my time is theirs. So little like her whole life is theirs right now, whether she likes it or not. And then like the. Next one is just I was. Just going to be the. Whole thing because seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury's out, but my choice is you. You're singing it. It's amazing that I'm not right now. So like I this this perfectly

describes their relationship. So don't you worry your Pretty Little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine, and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours. Like, people are always gonna get in the way, but as long as we care about each other, that's all that matters. Basically, they're haters and they're jealous. Haters gonna hey, hey, hey, hey. We're just doing all the Taylor. Swift songs right now. OK, Eddie, next one.

I didn't fully, I didn't write this down, so I'm reading the lyrics in them, but wait for the next one. You never know what people have up their sleeves. Freaking shit. Yeah, I was. Just I'm not. Even going to explain this. I'm just you can all figure it out from our discussions. Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me. First of all, lesbian ghosts. Or Juan Viva Pingfa Pingfa Pingfa Sam to a degree in the beginning where she was like, is that your girlfriend? It's her sister.

Literally. Song and her ghost. Yeah. Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles. I'm gonna change that to stalking us in the shadows with their mischievous friends. Because that's what I'm. Picturing right now. All right, So then it goes back to the we're going to skip forward and it's not theirs to speculate if it's wrong and your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong. And I'll fight their doubt and give you faith, OK? So this is. I'm pretty, Yeah.

This is Little Numb, because this whole song is Little Nung singing to Big Nong. Yeah, the whole song this is. I. Do have another song too. I'm gonna get to these really quickly, but I'm pretty. That's also Little Nung because you know, Little Nung fights so freaking hard for this relationship. She's tailored and like Big Nung silently. Does. Like with action, like, but we went through it. You'd listen to the discussion. We've been here for so many hours today.

Anyway, so your hands are tough, but they're where mine belong. Like so her walls are tough. Not like just her hands. Like she has tough. Like she, you gotta get through to her. But they you belong. Together. Also your hands are tough to for her to hold also because in the beginning, remember Lil, I was always trying to hold her hand and bigness like stop it, stop hanging on me. And it's just like I'm so tired. I just hang on me. It's fine.

Like yeah, yeah, OK. I'll fight their doubt and give you faith. This girl has been trying to alleviate all big nums doubt all of it. It's it's so much like I I'm tired for her. But The thing is, though, like a lot of big nuns actions come from a place of trauma and healing or learning to deal or learning to live with trauma is a process. Like you're not going to cure big nun of her trauma like that.

You know, like she does make progress with her over kind of like a lot of this is her trauma manifesting and it's like that's kind of going to be the relationship to some extent because she just she's going to get triggered and this is what she does. Yeah, Trauma does a great deal on the brain. And yeah, that's the next thing I wish I'll be researching because it's.

It comes up. In every show, basically every show, trauma is a big part of life in general because we don't understand how much like such a little thing could be traumatic for us. And like it doesn't seem like it should be like or it could be, but so much is traumatic. And like we think of trauma again, like a lot of post traumatic stress disorder, we think of soldiers in America. This is what we were like taught.

Yes. And I will say from a medical point of view, as somebody who's studied medicine, we don't know anything about the brain. We know so little about our brains. It's actually terrifying. And so I had to learn all the medicines that work on our brain. And it's like we're like, we think it does this, but we don't really know. Like we don't really know what's going on with the brain. We're like migraines. We kind of think this is how they happen, but we don't really know.

Like we don't. There's so much we don't know about the brain because honestly, studying brains is would be unethical in many ways. So like you can't blame scientists for like not understanding. We don't understand how our brains work. Like we really don't like the stuff that the amount of things that we actually know on a scientific level about how our brains work is very small. It's so small. So like understanding trauma is a new concept because we

literally don't know. There's so much we don't know of our brains. It's actually terrifying how little we know about brains. Interesting. I didn't know like that There's, I mean, yeah, because there's a lot of things. That's why when you go through like you're going through something mental health wise and they give you meds. OK, I'll tell you this. It's trial and error because we literally don't know.

So you just have to every and everyone chemically is very different and we don't know how the chemicals really work, like truly. And so it's very much like try it, let it normalize in your body, which takes about a month. Tell me how you feel. Did it work? No, let's try something else because we have no idea. We literally don't know. We don't know anything like medicine. Testing is the worst thing ever, but. And then you get. OK, so I'm just gonna say the name I was given Wellbutrin.

They're like, oh, it could help with this and this and this. And then I had like another doctor, like, Oh yeah, they just kind of use that as to catch all trying to 'cause it could have an effect on these things, right? But everybody's so different. We don't know if it's gonna work for you. Oh, Caitlin's gone. Go, Caitlin. I hit a button on my mouth and it went bad. I'm so sorry. Like Caitlin's like another this shit. Anyway, continue with Taylor's love.

We can talk about brains all day. And the people don't want that. They're here for Blank Goddess. OK, 'cause I love the gap between your teeth. I wasn't gonna say this line. And then I realized this is gap, so I had to say it. I love the gap between our ages. Yeah. Yes. And I love the riddles that you speak because this girl on the battle way, saying everything to her. No, that was 100% Miss Lying by omission.

Yeah, it's big. And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored because my heart is yours. OK. So obviously snide remarks from my father like that makes fully sense. But we're going to use father as family as well because the tattoos is big nums past and trauma and everything that she brings with her basically her baggage kind of. So that's what they're all talking about. And the grandmother threw it in

her face. This you don't have parents, which is why you're a horrible person. How dare you say that to somebody? Like what the hell is wrong with you? Like she chose for her parents to die cuz chow. Like let's be honest, like wow, that pissed me off so much. Talk about sniper marks. Yeah. Even Pingfa had some snide remarks for Nung when she was coming for her. I mean the beginning where she's like, why does my daughter love you more than you know what I

mean? She also had her share of snide remarks towards Big Nung. Came from a different place. But yeah, family, all the family. OK, so that's it for hours. I'm not gonna go through every single section. Just wanted to point it out. A couple, like all the verses. Go listen to it. It's a really good song. It's really good. I I really like that one. OK, so the next. One is actually a flip between the two. The next song is called Mine. Oh yeah.

And you know what? Yes, love Taylor Swift, but go watch the Naya Rivera version because Oh my God. First of all, it's sapphic because she's singing it to her girlfriend that she's about to break up with. Which is. Ignore that. Part go listen to Nya sing 'cause she sings like an A or sing like an Angel. RIP girl I love you forever love you. OK so it starts with you are in college working part time waiting tables left a small town

never look back. So I mean, little nuns in school and she's in a small town, meaning she's she's stifled in her house right now and and but she wants to never look back. But big nun's like, there you go. Look, you gotta deal with these. Yeah, No, you have to. You have to. She's trying to leave. She's trying. She's like to never look. What this just play her the Taylor Swift song. Also big nun wouldn't get it. She's like, I don't get it. And now so that's talking about little Nung.

And now it's big Nung saying I was a flight risk with the fear of falling, wondering why we bothered with love if it never lasts. So again, she doesn't know love. Well she does like familial love cuz like that didn't last with song so her grandmother that too. So, and she is. A flight risk cuz that is her response. She is the biggest flight risk. She sure is. Actually, I would say playing an affair is worse, but big Nong is a big flight risk. No flight. No one can beat playing.

Yeah, you can't. She's the biggest. Like, 'cause those two characters, this is not really a spoiler affair, but like the characters are very flight or fight coded like extreme flight or fight coded like big. I think we've said this before, big Nong and a little longer like on the spectrum of flight or fight, but like they're very extreme that natural. Because even when they're. Together, they're still in. There's a flight risk like it's the whole time. There's a she's a flight risk

the whole time. But we don't realize this until the last episode. Like Theor and I, the slider fight, That's when we put things together. Oh yeah. Oh. Shit, whereas I put the big, the big gay energy, the big nug, the blank mental health stuff together in the first episode, it took us the whole show. It did OK, so big nun, I say, Can you believe it as we're? Lying on the couch. Because we know that that that's big nuns. And little nuns save space. They like to read.

On the couch. Together. And I will say it was very sad in this episode to see at the beginning episode. I think when the chat conversation, it's really sad because Big Nun was on the couch reading by herself. We're sad because she likes to read with Little Nun. I just realized that we're Big Nun. Well, now I'm just making this sound. You want me to keep going or stop? You were in college working part time waiting tables. There's a small town.

Never looked back. I was a fire risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bothered with love if it never lasts. I say, Can you believe it as we're lying on the couch? This is not at the right tune the moment I can. See it? Yeah, yeah, I can see it now. Do you remember? We were sitting there by the water. You put your arm around me for the first time. I made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been in mine.

Kenji. That's. What I. Was doing while you were done. Kenji. Hi, Kenji. Kenji here. No, Here, here. It's all. Right. It's OK. Come here. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It's OK. It's OK, almost done. It's. OK, it's OK. She's very triggered by something at the door that she stood on her hind legs and barked God. What did that? Accomplish. Oh Kingy. I've never seen her do that before, that was weird. It's OK, everything's fine. She's like, I'm a bear.

Yeah, I don't. She was cosplaying a bear. I don't. I don't know what he thought that would. Accomplish. But OK. OK, it's really quickly. Oh it's OK. She's fine. Do you remember? No. Do you remember? Do you remember This is getting more in hinge longer again. I have been up. Do you Remember Remember the 5th of November the gunpowder trees September. I know that's not AI would take V for vendetta. I know of the reason by the gunpowder treason shall ever be forgot the Guy Fawkes speech.

Oh. That's the movie. I didn't pay attention to that one. It's a great movie. I'll shoot, I should watch it one day. Maybe we should watch it together. It's not OK. It is there's queerness in it. It is queerness cuz I the first time I heard of it was during QFX movie nights. It's really good so. Trauma. And trauma, there's also lots of trauma. It's based on historical events. So like, it's. Yeah. So anyway, there's that. I'm gonna go watch that. OK.

Do you remember we were sitting there by the water? Because we're always sitting by water. Because that's just accurate. You put your arm. Around me for the first time. You made a. Rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. OK, so I mean, I mean, where's the lie in that lie? OK, The thing is, I'm still doing this as like, this is big Nung. And like, I know careless man like the dude that is Chet, but this is Devil Jet.

You put your arm around me. For the first time, I'm thinking that this is when they first go away and this is when we get the Satan no. That's a different thing, but. Like, I can't say I'm sorry. I get the Pluto passage. It's right. Still don't know what Pluto's about, but we will soon enough. We're gonna. Watch they do. Read Pluto. They do read. Pluto, I don't know what it is. Soon, very, very soon, soon we won't be able to say that

anymore. Yes. OK. So like this time, like that was the first time that they've really, really spent alone. Like I think, all right, it's been a while, but that's also makes a very defining moment. Oh, it was a hugely defining moment. It could also be like, remember the art lesson that she gave Little Nung? They were by a lake. They were by a body water. That is true in the stills we saw.

I never made it on screen. Big Nung did do the art lesson where she did have her like arm around Little Nung. So it's also that. So you can also read it from little Ngang's point of view. If that image was Canon, which I don't know that it was, but the the the truth is out there, the image exists. OK, you know. What? Yes to that. And then also we're going to flip it to Little Nung with you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.

That's where's the lie. Little Nung is careful at home. But when she saw Big Nung and she was alone, she was a rebel. That's what I mean. Why did she stay that way? The rebellion was forming a relationship with Big Nung in the 1st place when it was forbidden by her grandmother to have friends. You are the best thing that's ever been mine. Yes, both of them. Little Nung will freely admit that Big Nung took a radio show. It took. A radio show, a lesbian ghost.

15 episodes. But we got there, We got there. Still didn't tell that directly. To. Little nun though so flash forward and we're taking on the world together so this is OK not the beginning of two season 2 but like once they finally get together in season 2 you and there's a drawer of my things at your place because little. Nun finally got to move in a bit. She had to move in. There's podcast We got a room at your place. Yeah, she's got a room.

You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded. You say we'll never make my parents mistakes. So you learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded. Like they've told each other all of their secrets. And that's why Little Nung is worried about leaving. Because Big Nung is guarded. OK, but we got bills to pay. We got nothing figured out when it was hard to take. This is what I thought about. OK, so they got expectations on them and they don't have it figured out.

Because you can't. Figure it out when people are expecting shit from you. Yeah. And it was hard to take. This is reality. Big things like, hey, this is the reality. This is why I had to bring up both of these in this episode. It's fair. It's fair. Also, I can't bring any of this up in the next episode that we cover because every single part's gonna be long. True. OK. Ready. And I remember that fight, 2:30 AM, as everything was slipping right out of our hands.

Ready. I ran out crying, and you followed me out into the street. OK. So yeah, like. The. Big Nug is running after her little nugs lying in the street. Not totally anyway. Well, Little Nug, a big nug followed her out into the street because she was on the phone call when she ran out the tracks. I braced myself for the goodbye because that's all I've ever known. And that's big Nung. Wrong, Big Nung. In the next episode. Ah, big Nung. Yep, this is then.

You took me by surprise. You said I'll never leave you. Alone and I feel. Like that is the moment that Little Nung calls the radio station. Also, that's just Little Nung in general. She's like, I will never leave you. No, yeah, no. You're the very first episode immediate of their first meeting. OK, so. Then the the end of. It is. Do you believe it? We're going to make it now and I can see it.

I can see it now. And I think that's just little Nung telling Big Nung. I can see it just and like repeatedly, like I, I'm all in. I can see our future. Do you see it? You see it now after literally almost dying. Do you now see it? Yeah. We'll we'll be fine. And then. Yeah. So mine is this a combination of this episode, I mean, the whole show, but this episode and the next episode? Yeah, That's very true. Well done. Well done. I'm. I'm apparently holding the lesbian ghost.

I was. Yeah. I don't know why you're so attached to the lesbian ghost. Right now they're really cute. They are really cute. I was trying to clean up my desk while talking, which is not a good idea. No, not at all. Anyway, we should probably end this episode over here for 500 years. So let us know what you thought. Are you ready for the last episode? I can't believe you've actually got to the last episode.

It has been a journey and an honor and a privilege to talk about the show as much as we have gotten to talk about it. Yes, Caitlin. Secret word. Secret word. It's not secret of us. No, you get, you get 2 options. I'm not even going to explain it at this point. You should know because if this is your first episode, I'm sorry, this is weird. All right, so either the hard to spell word onomatopoeia or you

can use montage of sadness. Yeah, take your pick and put it in a comment or review whatever you want. Leave it somewhere and until next time, get ready for the finale by hydrating for lesbian Jesus and Phi and and get up all over the place while we still can. More specifically in Thailand, let's all go to Thailand. Yes, for Thailand. I do want to plan a trip for Thailand that like like people who like the podcast can like come with. Us as well.

If if anyone's interested in that, it might. It's probably not going to happen anytime soon. Because, you know, my brain just likes ideas, so. I just wanted to put that out there. Any kickers? OK anyway, Oh yeah, we already said it. Bye, bye. And with that, we've been Big Gay Energy. Thank you for listening. We'd really appreciate it if you downloaded this episode and left us a review. No matter how brief, your contribution will help us reach

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