Blank the Series S1 Ep1: An Even Bigger Gap

Hello and welcome to Big Gay Energy. I'm Caitlin. And I'm Fiora. Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of queer media. Representation matters, and we're. Here to talk about it. Cheers, queers. What's on the big agenda today, Theora? Today we are starting what I'm sure will be an epic long journey on our coverage of Blank the series It's. Gonna be very long. Oh, it's gonna be so long. Originally we're like, oh, you know, we'll just like kind of briefly overview this.

We'll start by watching it together. And then it just spiraled out of control from there 'cause there's so much going on in the show and it's very entertaining. So excuse me, just to prepare everyone. So basically Blank the series is set in the same universe as Gap the series. So if you're a fan of Gap the series, this is the continuation kind of of that universe slash, those sisters. In that vein, we will be covering Blank the series in a very similar fashion to how we

covered Gap the series. So this is going to this, we're going to be doing discussion episodes like this one today where we go basically scene by scene through the entire show and kind of breakdown, like what's going on, the acting choices, that kind of fun stuff. In addition to that, we will be do we reacted to the entire series. The full reactions in their entirety will end up on our

Patreon, So have fun over there. And then highlights for select episodes will end up on YouTube because just it's a lot of editing to cut it down to put it on YouTube. So the highlights will end up there. So there's plenty of blank content that will be for free or for $5.00 a month you can just get it all on Patreon. Just as a heads up. That's what's going to be going. On, there's a lot of content coming.

So much content. Originally we weren't supposed to react to every episode of Blank either, and then that happened. It was so much fun to watch it. We just ended up watching the whole thing and you actually get our like, we were at one point we were watching like in real time and it was going week by week. So you could like have our panic of like what's going to happen? And so that's real fun to relive. Or it got real dicey. I'm just glad I have my first

reactions to Episode 4 films. You're never ready for Episode 4. No, but it was so much fun. But let's start at. The beginning, but yeah, yeah. But I have to do stuff before that. You do. Uh huh. If you're watching this podcast on YouTube, please make sure that you're subscribed to this channel, like this video and leave a comment below. If you need help trying to figure out what to say in that comment, stay to the very end and I'll give you a word to. Use.

In a random comment without. Yeah, I'll explain it then. Some of you have been doing it and like bless all of you. Although like for the loyal pin, it was really funny 'cause you gave them basically you're like spell this and then everyone spelled it in English translated. It Yeah, they translated it. First of all, someone actually did fully translate it. And I was like, well, damn, good job. But also that's not the assignment. That's not the assignment, but

damn, going for bonus points. So yeah, that was fun. So thank you. It's so. Yeah, I always forget about those words. It was hilarious. Thank you guys. So yes, continue doing that. Also, share this podcast wherever you are consuming it with three people because that's going to help us spread queer content and allow us to keep doing this podcast. And you want it, right? A lot of you want it, a lot of you keep asking for more.

So I'm assuming yes. Anyway, if you're listening on audio platforms, make sure that you download the episode, leave a review and or rating whatever you're able to on that platform to help people know that the podcast is actually worth listening to. If like we mentioned earlier, if you're interested in the full reaction videos, exclusive content, go check out our Patreon. We have all our videos go up early there, sometimes very early depending on our release schedule.

There's so much stuff going out there, it's ridiculous and we are always filming more. And then you can also check out any merch. We really need to get loyal pin blank. All this shows merge. So if anybody's interested in that, let us know in the comments and we'll see what we can do. Lastly, stay connected with us on all social media platforms at at big gay energy pod. It's super easy to connect with us. You can also jump into our discord. The links that link is in the

description as well. And. Come shout about everything going on. I know Theora keeps up with even like the current series airing, so you can talk to her about everything. She brings me in when I need to and then I'm like, why haven't you brought me in sooner? So yeah, yeah, she. Needs someone to shout. Out shout about everything with so come join us help me all right but let's get into blank

yeah. Before we go any further, I just want to do a quick disclaimer for anyone who's new here or may just kind of be listening. So as with all of the media we cover in Thailand, all hosts in attendance of the Big Energy podcast today are not fluent in the Thai language. We're not members of the culture, nor are we residents of the part of the world where this TV show takes place.

Therefore, we are going to be limited in our perspective of this piece of media and can only analyze it with our like, Western American life experiences and biases. We always try to do our very best to research the culture, whatever media we're doing just to put everything into context. But we are not experts on the topic and we want to be transparent about that before going forward. So if we mess things up, we're really sorry. We're not doing it to be mean, we're just.

We're dumb. We're dumb bitches. So please correct us in the comments. A lot of our listeners have been really. Loved oh you they have no issue correcting us in the. Comments so like you just disclaimer, just so you're aware, please keep doing that. We appreciate it like we're we're we're on a journey of learning. So we appreciate all of you. So with that, let's get into like the series. I just want to say the only tie I know at this point is my side prick.

So I now know Booa, which means bored because of the show because they say it a lot. I think it's hilarious. Booa. Like Booa? Yeah, it means bored. So that's means the bored power, no? It's it's no, no, no. It's like. It's. In a different tone, but like. Got it. Got it, Got it. OK. It means bored. That's important. What is important is we're going to get into point the series. So if you're not aware, you can watch the whole entirety of it on YouTube. If you go to Nine Star Studios

channel, it is all there. Enjoy. What is it about? It's a basically, it's part of what we're gonna just gonna call the Gap universe. Basically. There's one author whose name I can't remember off the top of my head. I don't want a butcher who's basically doing lesbian Jesus's work and writing all these Sapphic novels. And then everyone in Thailand is like apparently bidding over all of these things. They're like, I want to make it ATV show. So all of her stuff is becoming

ATV shows, which is just lovely. So it's kind of like Marvel, the Marvel Universe, or like all these stories are interconnected with all these characters who know each other. And it's lovely. This one is a continuation of more directly connected to Gap. So Gap, the series starred Sam. This series stars her oldest sister, Nung. And basically in season one, we're gonna start with season one 'cause we're gonna start with first episode today.

Basically, she's at this point age, left the palace, she's a struggling artist, and she falls in love for the very first time in her late 30s with a woman that's 16 years her junior. And that's so it really, they should have called this an even bigger gap. No, but it's curious if that was the title of the show, the biggest gap. No, seriously, but it's called Blank the series.

And really that has to do with the fact that like because I've read, I've read the novel at this point, we're mostly going to be sticking to like the show. And like I will interject some novel things, sprinkle it here and there. But for us, in the context of our discussions, it's our Canon is like what we see on screen more so than like the book because we're focusing on the TV show.

But it it basically means that like, it's like, it's like a loneliness thing, like a blank, like I had no feelings and then you. Suddenly explain it in the book. Yeah, I explain at the end, basically. But yeah, it's like a completion metaphor that's really great. But really, biggest gap would have made made would have made such for those. I I like an even bigger gap better, right? And then it just like sounds like a sequel anyway. And then like the, the final one

is the biggest gap. The biggest gap, ultimate gap gap, the end game or like whatever.

I don't know, it just would have been really funny if that just kept going the title Anyway, so before we like jump into the very first scene and we get through the episode, we're going to start with our lesbian Jesus hydration scale, which if you're new here, basically it's this very super gay scientific thing we came up with to like rate a piece of queer media based on our own personal preferences, how important we think it is,

etcetera. So Caitlin, how much would you hydrate for lesbian Jesus from Blank the series episode one? OK, first I just want to say that Theor and I had a short discussion before this episode and like we've kind of agreed that this entire every episode is A10 just because Big Numb. Yeah. Yeah, Faye makes it A10 like just her existing. So really we probably won't even rate any more of these because honestly, like what's the point?

They're all 10s but. You just look at look at Faye I, we're going to let you know right now we are very big fans. We're big. Fans, I will just, I will say that like a good solid 40% of the discussions are going to be very swayed by our feelings from today. We're just going to put that. I mean, it's really hard. Like I was, I was doing my nose and I text theor. I'm like theor. I can't.

Just it's very distracting. Also like whoever styled her and dressed her as big nun like how do we send you a gift because. That's the best thing. Ever after last night. I think it's just her style. I think it's just her. Which then we'll send her a gift. That's fine. That's not weird. OK, So yeah, this show is off the charts. Like, I know some people have mixed feelings about it because of the premise. Stick with us. Hopefully we will kind of like at least give you, if not change

your mind. We're not trying to change minds, but like give you a new perspective on kind of the show because like, personally, when I first started watching it, it like I was uncomfortable with the premise too. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? This is weird. Like, But then we started watching it together and Caitlyn basically like pointed one thing out and I was like, holy shit. That just changes everything about this show. And like, yeah, there's more to

it that's on the surface. And truly, the actors do a really good job of just like embodying their character. There's a lot going on here that's really lovely. So that's what we're here to talk about today. So, but if you don't like the show, that's OK. Like it's totally fine. We all don't have to like the same things. But we are going to talk about this ad nauseam, so get ready. We are. We're about to talk about it a lot.

All right, but before we all right, so last thing before we jump into it. I just knowing us. OK, if you've seen our gap, the serious discussions, you'll understand why I'm bringing this up now. But I think we and the audience in the comments. If you're watching this in real time, let's take bets on how long before Caitlin and I organically bring up Jim from Get Out the series. I'm gonna give us 10 minutes before Jim mentioned. Well, we're technically

mentioning Jim right now, but. I'm aside from this question. I was gonna say planned wise 3 or 4 pages no but give a time frame. Before she organically comes up, I'm saying 10 minutes before we bring up Jim. I think you could go 20 all. Right, let's see who's right. Like organically you can. Organically, you can't just be like Jim, Hi, did it. No, like organically Jim comes up. OK, let's get into this.

So very first scene. So the first scene opens with Nung as the runaway bride basically. And I thought this was interesting, like coming from Gap, the TV show. So like in my mind, I've read the Gap book too. But like in my mind, the TV show is kind of like the Canon. We're sticking with the TV show. This is Marvel, we're sticking with the TV show, right? I thought this was interesting because the Nung we got a glimpse of and Gap the series, to me, Red is a lot more like

immature. And so like she came off as like younger to me. Like she ran away from home when she was a lot younger and it was more because of the painting, not because of this like marriage thing. So she seemed a lot more hot headed and stuff. So I thought it was really weird to like come into the show here and I'm like, how did Nung even get to the wedding like that? Nung from Gap I feel like never would have made it this far.

She would have piece the fuck out a lot earlier than this so that that was already interesting. Like just off the bat for me. And it was only four years ago before. So like it was fairly close to gaps timeline, which is very interesting. Yeah, yeah, I, I, I'm sure people will write it in the comments like the actual timeline, but like, you have to imagine like the the gap meeting happened within this four year time period. So like they were.

So it almost makes it seem that like Sam and Nung weren't apart for that long. Like it was it's just, you know, it was just weird coming out of gap and being like, this is a different Nung like to me. So anyway, who is she marrying? Her almost groom is a man named Chet, who we find out later is her love interest's father. And like which in the most spectacularly wild episode, which is episode 4, but we're

not there yet. What I want to point out that was funny, like on a rewatch for doing these notes was that she had in her thinking about this wedding. There's a scene where like he's she's like, are you worthy of me? And he's like, no one will be as worthy of you as I am. And it's like this is where his daughter gets her confidence from is right here. This man, it's from him and what I love about this memory recollection she's having of chat specifically is that she's

having second. She's like in the moment where she's having the second thoughts about the wedding and she's like, should we have been doing this? I don't even like you. What is this? And my favorite part is like he's explaining I'm very worthy of you. And he starts listing off his like on paper qualifications and like mentally she cuts him off before he finishes what he's saying where he's like, Naga's

so over this man. Like even in her like memory, she's like, I can't even recall the rest of what the hell you were saying, which I thought was so funny. What a good editing choice. They're like, don't even flood it. But I thought she moved on. She's like, I don't even care. She doesn't give a fuck. She was. Never that into it, I love it. I understand that kind of that they're expected to marry at a certain level in Thailand or at this point.

But Chet saying that no one will be as suitable for her as he is, I find very gross like the ego that he has. I mean, we, we deal with it with the men over here as well, so. Yeah, yeah, he. Yeah. It's just like. And she clearly doesn't even like you. We find out later that they didn't even, like, date or not even romantically entangled with each other. So like, this was a weird sentence to find out that like they were basically just like kind of friends. Like they didn't even know each

other. He continues this ego as well, like a very confusing scene later, like why? But. I have issues with Chet, I just don't like him, which is fine, but yeah. You know my issues with Chet and it's just his name because it distracts. Me. OK, it one but anyway, ultimately big nun runs. We're going to go OK, let's just let's back up too. OK. Just going forward, Kunung, we're going to refer to as big nung because big Nung big.

Nung. And then Anung, we're going to call her Little Nung. And it's mostly so that we don't fuck up their names on the fly. And just like for people listening audio who are English speakers, probably easier to distinguish them. Just so you know, we're we're going to defer. It was going to be like gentlemen Jack who we call like big and little and we're going to call big nut and little nun. That's just how we're going to do it. Just letting you know.

They are did figure out the names but she start I don't know how we actually started with the big Nung and little Nung, but that's how I like started this whole. Thing so. I would have more trouble. Yeah, we're just going to keep our stupid brains online. That's just we're going to call them. So just a heads up. OK, so ultimately big young runs away from from this whole ordeal and goes and lives her authentic life. Good for you girl.

And when she's running away from this wedding, well, first of all, I don't blame you. But we get this beautifully dramatic shot of her looking back as she's running away. And this is definitely just for a dramatic effect because girl, just get in that car and go. And like, I don't even know what these men would do if they caught up to her. Like what were they planning? On doing, I don't know, like 'cause I kind of just feel like they would.

Tackle her and like put her in handcuffs and kidnap her. That's what it feels like as well. And she also does this again, right as she's about to get in the car, but has a smirk on her face and like, she definitely knows what this is one. But like, girl, just get in the car and go. I mean, they didn't really try too hard to get her anyway because like, again, jump on the car. That's what Fast and the Furious tells you to do. Dad's.

Never seen that movie so like where is that taxi going like it literally pulled up because other people were getting out and then she hops it like she doesn't have money like how is she going to pay the taxi I've. Had so many questions. About this like what are you doing like you also. You have to tell them where you're going first. She we don't even. Get her saying like go. Now it just starts going I'm like OK anyway what detail I do love from this whole running away from I see.

We just need to take a minute to stare it big nong because she looks really good in that shot looking back and like I feel like that's why they did it because that hair flip just look at. Her I feel like product placement could have been really great right there. Anyway, one thing I do love about this sequence, the realism of her when she's about to leave, she takes off her heels

so that she can run faster. And I was like, that is great because then a lot of these shows they have them running at heels and I'm like, you're not he would definitely catch her if she was in the heels. So like I like that detail where she's like, I can get away a lot faster if not wearing these horrible shoes. So let me, let me just, I love it. They are more grounded, I feel like, in the show and the fact that it's more realistic. I agree. I agree.

I like a lot of elements of the show. It's it's just, yeah, it's it's really good. I just, I love it. It's less, I have less issues with the show really than a lot of the other shows we've seen just in general. But I love that detail. Like, good for you. OK. Anyway, the big take away of all this is that basically then we cut to a scene of like the Grand Man being there with Sam and she's like, I knew it was going to be a trouble little bitch.

Like, OK, anyway, we'll get into their trauma later. But basically like she's rejecting, knowing in this moment is rejecting the life the grand Man wants for her, which is like tradition, societal gilded cages, all that bullshit. But the ones, the one piece of this, of this life of her like royal upbringing or whatever that stuck with her was this mentality that no one is worthy of her. Like, again, you're so high up the social ladder, no one can

touch you. And that's like the one thing that like really sticks with her, like, regardless of being in that environment. And it's just one of her childhood traumas that stuck with her. One of them. Just one. There's a lot, but that one is important because it will keep coming up, especially this episode. So after she runs away, we timed her up for four years later and Big Nung is living her best life as a starving artist. She's not loving anyone. She's just doing her until Lil

Nung crashes into her life. So Lil Nung shows up at the at the shop she's working at. So Big Nung is working basically at this like market and she has like a stall where she does caricatures, paintings, whatever. And Lil Nung apparently keeps showing up at the shop and she's speaking all kinds of informality, like they're super close and like given the impression they've known each

other for a while. And the first time I watched this, I was like, how, when why, Like why are they so close? Like this is really weird coming from off of like Big Nung being like, no one will ever get close to me. And they're like, here's, here's Lil Nung like calling her auntie and all this shit and she's getting up in her personal space and I'm like. Doesn't she call her sister

first? Or Oh no, that was in a. Flashback later in the in the very last episode, we get like their first meeting and how that actually goes. Yeah. So big little Nung has no idea how old because it. OK, here's the deal. Big Nung is an ageless millennial where no one knows how old she is. They're like, what are you in your 20s? Like, I don't know. And she's like, yeah, OK, so I. Thought she was 26 or 27. Like she aged well. Exactly right.

You can't blame Little Nung for any of the way she behaves because it's all relatable, right? But anyway, the the key take away here is like, OK, they act. Little Nung acts like she's real close to Big Nung. And the key here is that Little Nung has no idea that Big Nung is nobility. OK? She doesn't know who she is. She's just some woman she found at this market. And Big Nung is just a super hot, emotionally unavailable, very single artist.

So naturally Little Nung falls in love with her because that's how lesbian doesn't works. What I find funny is that it seems like Little Nung immediately had her eyes set on Big Nung and didn't bother to check if she was even a lesbian in the fairest place. But I, I guess, to be fair, look at her. Yeah, look at her. There are vibes. So I have a note for anybody watching or listening on Patreon.

We have an exclusive episode for a certain level called keeping up with big, a energy after dark working title that'll probably never get changed. And Theor and I just queer out about how good big Dung looks and you get just like good 15 minutes of us be like big. We were trying to film a reaction video but then got off track and spent 30 minutes talking about other things and had too much extra footage. So it's a good time. Go check it out, yeah. OK. So like then?

Lil Nung and Big Nung start having all this kind of like playful banter. By playful I mean like Lil Nung's being playful and Big Nung's like go away. So like what? What? What's going on with these two, truly? So when Big Nung is like telling her to go away, basically little nuns asks why aren't you gentle with me? And I thought this was interesting because from seeing the way that people treat her later in the show, cuz they're always treating her like she's five years old.

That's why. Like I didn't know until the next episode. Theor did not spoil me while we were watching the show whatsoever. So she's like, you're going on the journey. Yeah, it's a journey watching. So again, I think she's like 13 here right now and that's how people and that's how people treat her as well. But like people are thinking that they have to protect her, but really they're just being selfish. Like we'll get into that there.

There's the adults in her life are terrible, but with Big Nung, she doesn't fully treat her like that because she's just trying to get her to go away. And I think little Nung just likes this challenge. She's like, oh, this person isn't trying to baby me. This person I, I could get close to. I need to work on this. Yeah, Big Nung treats her like a human, but like bottom line. And I think that like how Like why are they still because like, but big things trying to get her to go away.

It's like half hearted, right? Like she easily could like feel like security get this harassing person away from me, but she doesn't. She like half heartedly tries to get her to go away. And I think So what? So I was trying to figure out like what the hell is their dynamic? Because they seem really close. What is going on here? So for me, I think that Little Nung enjoys pushing Big Nung's buttons, OK?

Cuz she somehow can get under Big Nung's skin, which is not something many people could do, right? Cuz she can see Big Nung getting flustered every time. She's like you love me and all this stuff. And she's like, Oh my God, I don't even like you but she does. So I think that like it's this mutual mutual fascination with each other, like you said, cuz it's a challenge for both of them because Little Nung is like, oh, I can, I can spark emotions out of this otherwise

emotional as human. And then big Nung is like, why can she spark emotions in me? I don't understand. And so it's like this kind of like musical fascination they have with each other. Then to also harken back on your point, I think the reason little Nung keeps showing up here. So in the book they give the background of kind of like why she ends up at this market because it seems really random. I'm like, why is this high school senior showing up at this

market? And in the book they explain it and I thought this was good context for the show. So basically we find out in this episode that like she's not the strongest student, right? And her grandmother's hella controlling. So one thing the grandmother does is she's like, OK, after school you're going to enroll in this cram school, which is like basically it's like extra

tutoring after school basically. So she's supposed to go to school all day, then do spend all of her free time studying basically in this tutoring school and let alone's like that is my only free time. I'm not doing that. So she lies, doesn't go to the cram school and ends up going to this market because it's it's walking distance from her actual

school. So she just wanders around the market as a way to like have her own autonomy and like free time, which is something nobody allows her to do. And that's why she ends up seeing big Dong. She's just wandering around this market and then like sees her one day and then it's like mine basically. I don't blame her. Right. She's relatable. That's fine. But the other thing is from Little Nung's point of view, that like Big Nung is like a safe space, right?

Because she's Someone Like You mentioned, who treats her like a human being, like Big Nung listens to her. I'll be it begrudgingly at times, but she lets her be. She lets Little Nung be her authentic self. Like she's not trying to control her, impose anything on her. She just kind of lets her be. She lets her express herself however she wants. And what I like about this first scene here is that Little Nung mentions that like, oh, I came here to see you so I can get over my bad feelings.

Like specifically, she came to see Nung because she was having a bad day and she wanted to run away from her home, which we find out by later. But basically she came to her safe space to escape like the bad day she was having. So like, that's the other thing that little Nung kind of gets out of big Nung. Not that she's like quote, protecting her, like you said, Caitlin in some weird paternalistic, maternalistic way or whatever.

She just like lets her exist, which I think is huge, you know, So again, little nun relatable. She's a little bit easier to read about, like why she's here. But big nun was the harder one to be like, why is why is she letting this happen? And I think part of the appeal is that like in Little Nung, she has this adoring fan, right? She comes by and she's always like, I love your artwork. And she keeps paying her to like draw paintings basically and stuff as a way to like just be

around her. But like big nun's like, OK, she likes my artwork. So that that's flattering, you know, as to somebody who's like strung the struggle bus when it comes to her art. So it's validating for a big Nung. But I think the bigger appeal is that little Nung acts very authentically around her. Like she doesn't hide her emotions. Like she takes her mask comes off the minute she's around big

Nung, she feels safe. And I think that that is like it's, it's a form of bravery really, because big nun came from that very repressive childhood shit. And so they have somebody who's so comfortable in their own skin. I think that's something she also wants. And so she kind of like admires that about little Nung basically because she's always wanted to just live her own authentic life, but wasn't able to because of her like repressive household kind of stuff.

Like if you remember one of the lines she says mentally when she's running away from the wedding is she brings up her like ML title. She says ML her her title is one that's so high. I want to run away from it because having that title made her untouchable to so many people. And that in turn isolated Nung and just made her a very lonely person. So here she is with this like bubbly, bright human being that

just like crashed into her life. And it's like kind of intoxicating to have that energy around you, you know, when you've just been like so closed off for so long. So that's that is the other thing that's going on here. This is probably the most authentic person that's ever been around her. Absolutely, yeah. I agree because even when you watch like Nung interact with Sam like they still have the formalities with each other too like here like when I was like none of that just there I am

you. Can't have fun with anyone else in life. It's hard when you're constantly like playing a game or like pretending to be somebody else and they have conversations about that later, which is another thing I really like about these two and how they kind of communicate with each other. But anyway, bottom line, Big Nung is, I mean, little Nung is at the shop because she wants, she generally wants to see Big Nung. Like, like she's just here to see her. There's no, like, ulterior

motive. She's not like trying to gain status or like, you know, get anything from her. She's like, no, she's here because she genuinely likes Big Nung for like, just who she is. And she's always like, I get, you know, the couple hours I stopped by here still aren't enough. Like, I just want to be around you all the time. It's like really cool. Yeah, I get this. Sure. I would also. Have a better day if I got to stare at Faye. We get a girl.

So all right, so basically like the big nun's like girl, you, you got to go home. Like what is going on here? So she just chases her out of the market and escorts her to the bus stop, which is the thing that keeps happening. So again, like Nung will do big Nung will do things where she's like, I don't care about you. But then she will like make sure she gets home safely. So like she's a whole last lot.

And then we we get our first call to title, which is like the blank thing behind them when they're standing at the bus stop. Yeah, for some reason there is a repeat behind them instead of, you know, ads, which would have been a great ad placement for them instead of their own show that people are already watching. But serious, you gotta remember. You just gotta remember where we

are anyway. So at this point, little nuns like I just want to run away from she tells her I want to run away from home because I'm not happy. Can I move in with you? And big nuns? Like absolutely fucking not. You can't move in with me. So she she sends her home on the bus. But then as the bus is leaving, she does this like glance at the end that like shows that like, OK, she's trying to she's got walls put up. She's really into Sam.

We know the story, but like around this girl, she seems to like care about her. And I think that like in this moment, she can kind of empathize with Little Nung wanting to run away from her family because like, Big Nung did this like as well. But at this point, like Little Nung is like so much younger than Big Nung was when she ran away, when she made that decision, right?

And I think this moment is supposed to hint that big young has some regrets about her own life that she's that she's processing based on the choices that she made, like to run away from home and kind of how she handled that whole situation. And I think part of her doesn't want wouldn't repeat it if she necessary wouldn't necessarily handle it the same way if she had the could redo it basically. And so in like Lil Nung, she's like, Oh, well, maybe I can prevent you from, like, making

some mistakes that I did. Because I think one of the biggest themes of the show is trying to learn from past regrets to change the future. And I think that's like being hinted at here with this little exchange at the bus stop. Yeah, we definitely see Big Nung's thoughts about, like, how she's hung up on the past when she finds out that little Nung lives with her grandmother. And then she keeps asking her all these questions pertaining to situations that she was in.

And I wonder if she's like trying to figure out if she did the right thing. Oh no, definitely. There's a scene later with Sam where she hints at the stuff, dude. Like I think this has been weighing on her the whole time. And this is something like we were if you go back to her gap reaction or not reactions or gap discussions when we were talking about like things episode 11 where they have the big family blow up and none like confronts

the grandmother. Like if you like just just I was so mad at Nung just from the gap stuff because I was like, you don't seem to like realize the consequent, the consequences of

your actions. But like, I'm very thankful for this show because like it makes a very clear point that like Nung has not processed and she's very aware of the the role she played in like Song's death and like the fallout with the grandmother and that kind of she wasn't the sole owner of those things, but like her, her choices did impact other people. And so like she's very aware of that. And so like in this show, a lot of the drama, I guess it's not even it's just a lot of the conflict.

It's a better word comes from Nung second guessing herself because she's like, if she this was pre running away from her wedding, she would easily just make choices that are like, no, I think this is the right thing to do. Go after your own happiness. Don't fuck other people. That's what she was like in Gap and then here she is always being like, but the other people, there's other people. We can't just we can't just run away and just feel like expect

everything to be good. We have to live in this world with other people. So this is this lesson that she learned the hard way. And it like does influence her thinking in this show. And I find that really fascinating. And I'm really glad that's in here, because that's a it fleshes out Nung as like a human

being, you know? It definitely does, but to go back to a little Nung, the confidence that she has and the audacity of her just to ask immediately to move in with big Nung. I know she doesn't know who she is but damn. Just she's still technically a stranger cuz I don't think they know each other that well. Right. It's. Amazing. Because like, Big Nung's also actively rejecting her at this moment and she's just like, can I move in with you? Not can I stay a few nights or

anything. There's definitely an element of delusion to this, this young lady. But I I forgot what what happens when I was rewatching and I really thought there was going to be like another side of the bus that opens and like she was just going to walk out the other. And then we get to Part 2, where Little Nung arrives back home after a long afternoon of getting rejected by the Super hot goddess Big Nung, which is such a rough afternoon, I mean. She looks so sad.

Well, I mean, she does not want to go home. She you can tell she is dreading entering this house. And I, I know that this feeling is the absolutely worst. I had nothing near bad as her like Oh my gosh. But a place that is supposed to be safe and a refuge for you and it's just hell for her. And that's why she spends more time at Nung shop. Big nung shop. So like the poor girl is trying to sneak in but is stopped by her grandmother asking her for the results of her test.

So not asking how are you doing? How was your day? No, you got the results of your test today, right? Yikes. Yeah, Meanwhile Big Nung also arrives home without a care in the world though, and get stopped by the only person who has some sort of power over her, her landlord. And her landlord is rightly annoyed and asks for their rent. OK, wait a minute, wait a minute though. She's annoyed because the bitch comes home with a like bags of food, so she just went out

shopping. And then this woman's like, you owe me money, what the hell are you doing? That's that's also true. That's kind of like I'm just not paying you. Yeah. You're like, I got to pay. I got to eat, what do you want? Nung says that it's like fully unfazed by this landlord and it's like I'll give it to you tomorrow. And the landlord gets more pissed off and says it's only 8000 baht and you still postpone until tomorrow. So this is about $221.48 USD and I would just kill to have that

rent. Like I pay more rent living with my mother than granted. It is a different country, a different cost of living in general. And then due to a later scene I her first meeting with Little Nung, I believe she charges 100 baht for a portrait. Which this means she would have to draw 80 people just to make her rent, which doesn't include taxes, the store rent, living expenses. I don't think that this business model is working. For her that's definitely not

working. That's why she her bro. I think she should just go to college with Little Nung and learn business because something's got to give here girl. Well, yeah, you can't go talk to Sam either, because she don't know a damn thing about business either. No, not at all. We'll get into that in a little bit as well. Actually, we'll get into it next. I do love that the landlord is just so over Doug's broke ass and she's like you better not fucking swindle me this time

bitch. It's so funny. Because we have we find out that Nung has borrowed rent money from Sam for the past six months. So basically I'm assuming that big Nung is just paying rent at the end of the month instead of the beginning of the month at this point and just always asking Sam for money. I don't know why she just doesn't do it in the beginning of the month so she doesn't piss off the landlord but also like. It implies that like, for 3 1/2 years she was making rent.

So like, what happened? Oh yeah, you know, she's gone for four years. So like what happened in the last six months though? She. Left the Isle of Lesbos, that's what happened. She met Little Nung and all of her portraits became Little Nung and. So other people actually what happened And she's I think she charged her so little because she looks like a young, she looks young and she's like, I'm not going to charge you. There's like 10 bucks or whatever the hell. She's like, she's cute.

I can look at her for a little while. That's literally what happens. But. All I can say is that Santa's a very kind sister. She is. Sam isn't worried about Nung paying her back, she is worried that if something happened to her, Sam Nung wouldn't be able to. Survive and like that isn't and. Then like it seems like a. Legit concern but Nung says if something happens to Sam all her stuff would become hers anyway so she will be fine.

And like was I was like how is that a thing Because it definitely is not the case in like a typical family. I don't know if this is like a royalty thing, I don't know but I'm pretty sure everything is going to Mon, no? Like, I think Mon would fight you for that, No? Anyway, I think realistically if Sam were to drop dead right now, everything goes with the grandmother. She's the oldest in the family, but I don't know.

Yeah, mine. Mine puts up with so much shit from Sam. She deserves at least half the money. No, I'm like, you wouldn't get it all. Let's just give give Mon her dues. OK? Good. Lord Mon's worked hard for. Mon has been through it. She deserves a reward. But I love that exchange though. It's just it's really funny and it was very nice to see again coming off of gap like that these two their relationship at this point and the show is very

sweet. Like I love that they have gotten into like the habit of like talking to each other and they can even talk about things like money, whereas like in gap it was like none harassing her for money. But like here it's the other way around. Sam's trying to like take care of her, which is a bit of a switch. And in the scene you were talking about, instead of saying Sam, Nung calls her Tulik which means Little One, which is such a cute nickname for her sister.

It's fucking adorable. It is. Sorry, I was trying to remember the right parenunciation. I think you got it right. It's cute and I just love the way that the show goes through, really goes through great lengths. The show that Sam and Nung both look out for each other despite the fact that like at this point they just recently reconnected after like years of not talking,

you know? Yeah, but I like how Sam is trying to recruit her to the company and it's like many of my friends want Ku Nung to work at the company. And here's my theory and where we were 10 minutes off. Jim is freelancing at Sam's company. Oh God, can't imagine. And we'll only go into the office if Sam can get Nung there. And I could see Jim crushing very hard on Nung since Sam is taken and he's like, I mean, look at her. And Jimmy, like, if I can't have Sam, I can get the older sister.

Absolutely. That was one of my gripes. I'm like, how how have Nung and Jim not cross paths? That seems unlikely. And they do cross paths in the book. So like they do they're they are on speaking terms. So validation. Jim's in the book. Very. Briefly, but she's in the book. She's in the book, actually. Should be. It's Jim. Where was Jim? I forget what the scenario was, but it was like they, she, she was there. I don't know, Sam and her friends were at something.

It might have been the school reunion thing because they all went to that school. Remember when they have the Centennial? Are you in the episode? Yeah, the episode where all the shit went down. Yeah, so in the book, Jim Cade T are all there and like Nung makes a comment about Sam's friends who like literally say whatever the fuck is on their mind and like Jim has a conversation with Nung and I was like, see, this makes sense. That, that's cute. I'll make that scene up in my

head. Anyway, so Noam says that she isn't suitable to be a salaried employee who works hard every day. You're a Sam. But I'm like, same, no. If only that was actually possible. Literally. But then Sam says she's also a salaried employee and. Sam, don't you? Own this company that doesn't actually do anything. Like you, you don't do anything. You literally admit that you only come to work to stare at your wife. So like, OK Sam. OK, Sam. I was kind of confused by this

conversation. Well, remember the grandmothers in the room? So like, Sam's trying to be like, I am a good employee. And they're like, yeah, OK, Sam. We. We've all seen the writing on the wall. I'm convinced at this stage Mon owns diversity and the whole company and Mon just runs it and Sam just kind of funds it when they're in money troubles. Like she just, she's Mon's assistant at this point.

Let's be, let's be real. One thing I do love about their exchange too when it comes to the money is that Nung Big Nung insists that she's quote, borrowing the money from Sam and that she fully intends to pay her back. And it's point she's like, hey, I'm really close to selling one of my paintings at a gallery. So like that'll be big money. It's more than like what she was getting commissioned at the

market. The thing with the market, the market is supposed to, it's like, it's not cheating on markets, but it's like a lower scale place than the mall. The malls like where big money people spend big money markets like less money. So, like, she can't charge that much, but to a gallery, she can charge a lot more for her paintings. Senator, She's like, I'm about to make a big sale, like, and I'll pay you back. And she keeps this Ledger of how much money she owes Sam.

So it's demonstrating that, like, she is determined to keep her promise. She's not just, like, mooching off her younger sister. And she really is set out to make this life of her own, like, work. Like, even though she's on the struggle bus now, she's like, I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to be like, you're just temporarily supporting me. I'm going to pay you back kind of thing. So I do love that about their relationship too. Something we don't see in gap.

Like it was just fully nung me, like give me money. Oh my God, my favorite moment in Gap and it's in the book, I think more so than the show is when Nung Nung has a when Mon and Sam are fighting because when are they not? And Nung calls Mon and she's basically asked Mon for money because she's like, you're dating my sister, which you're my sister's wife, which means you have the money now and Mon is not talking to Sam at this point.

And Mon's like whatever. And then just gives Nung her own money and like, never tells Sam or like, it's very cute. But like, Nung is just like out here being like, give me money to everybody. It's so funny. That's how she made rent for three years. She's just begging. Probably, I think remember GAP. Nung was on the Isle of Lesbos. I think Nung was very popular in the Isle of Lesbos and so her art was like flying off the shelves, you know? I. Wonder why? I wonder why.

Yeah, I'm sure she had French girls out there, let's be real. OK so then Sam and Nung talk about how much she needs and Sam's like is 20,000 enough and big Nung's like 8000 is fine. However, then Sam asks when she is returning to the palace, which makes Big Nung immediately hang up. I'm like, didn't you need that money, Nung? Well, it's like she's drawing the line in the sand. She's like, I will not be controlled by the grand ma'am,

if that's what this is about. I don't want your money, Sam. Which she still does. But like she does. She's just, she's not coming over. She's not doing. It stubborn. She's super stubborn. That's what they're trying to do. Yeah, and then we see that the grandmother was with Sam during this conversation, listening at everything and smugly ass got hung up on again. Such a bitch. Some things ever change.

Nope, she doesn't tell Sam that she doesn't have to transfer the money and it was Nung's choice to leave to paint, so let her figure it out her own. And I know the grandmother is hoping that she will fail hard enough that she will want to come home. But. Sam knows that Big Nung is more likely to willingly die before coming home. Yes, and Sam's like, but it's been four years, right? You got to get over a grandma doesn't say. This.

But she should, I agreed. So Sam sends nung 20,000 baht which is around $550 USD and I was like oh cool thanks. Thanks, Sam. Yeah, that. OK, so now we head back to Little Nung being terrified in her home. But she's not terrified right now. She's she's staring at the drawing that Nung made her. She should really ask Big Nung to do. A. Self-portrait so she can stare at that and not herself.

Girl was nothing she's in no thoughts and she's in front of big nine she'll you draw whatever you want no cuz like the thing that she likes about it is when big nine is drawing her she's like intently staring at her and I think that's what she likes for some of the photo or the. Painting so she's like looking at the photo but remembering the time that it was drawn exactly. OK, that makes sense, but she needs at least one self-portrait at this point to like, have both

of them. What she could, what she could do is like, OK, set up a mirror and then be like, I'll pay you double, but you need to draw yourself with this mirror and I'm going to be over your shoulder. That way she gets both double. No one would be like, whatever, whatever you want. I got rent to pay. Oh my gosh. OK, so we see that there are marks on little Nung's leg which it does not look good, no. And. Gross. Then her grandmother enters her room to ask why she isn't

sleeping yet. I'm curious to know what time it is. I'm like what time she's supposed to be going to bed, but little known says that she is studying. But of course her grandmother doesn't believe her and like too rightly slow because she's staring at a drawing and she has figured out that she can hide things. That's what happens when you are not allowed any freedom. But I'm impressed that the grandmother actually knocked on the door before entering.

Yeah, no, that is very true because it is. It is framed like this girl has no like little to no privacy. Night Girl she's a young woman has like little to no privacy in this home. Well, I think for this right now until like we establish the ages, it's OK to because like as a as a viewer, you're thinking that she is a child. So I think it's OK to. Because everyone treats her like a child, which is ridiculous, but. Whatever, but once you find out her actual age you're like

bullshit. This is absurd anyway, So what I think it's important to know from the scene too, is not just that she lies to her grandmother, but how easily she lies to her grandmother. So it implies that little little Nung has been lying to her grandmother for quite some time. Like it's like second nature. This like instinct to like

protect herself. And what's really heartbreaking in the scene is when when the you're going to talk about when the grandmother comes close to her and you just see her panic because she's holding basically like she stuffed the portraits under her notes and be like, look, I'm studying for real. And then when the grandmother comes near her, you just see her like get ready to get hit. And it's just horrible like this. Poor, poor little.

It is terrible, terrible. Like she doesn't have anyone. In her life to actually show her love. No, the the fact that the grandmother was coming over to actually just be kind of loving, but I feel like it was still like put. Putting her authority over her. No, she's as well. Yeah. I mean, the grandmother's also traumatized. We'll get into her shit later. But yeah, she's very. They're establishing. She's overbearing.

And Lil Nong has all of these learned behaviors to protect herself, like lying, flinching, covering things up because, like, look at the household she's being raised in. Like she's trapped, you know? Yeah, And then she puts on a fake smile to get the grandmother out of the room. Right. And then it looks like she's fine. And then as immediately when the grandmother closes the door, she give like, you could just see the weight come off or she's like, I made it, I didn't get

hurt. I can go back to looking at my drawing. That big nun made me. And who does this behavior remind you of? Like put on a smile when you're sad or scared or whatever. This is what Big Nung taught Sam and her sisters to do. So it's just, this is like the consequence of like being in this controlling environment. It's like whatever I need to do to get you to leave me alone, I will play the game with you to get you to leave me the fuck alone.

And then the minute I'm alone, I'm going to be me. Because like, all this behavior doesn't stop little Nung from being who she is. It's just she has to do it behind closed doors. So the minute she's behind closed doors, she like can look at the look at the painting again. And then like she goes on her bed and like sighs like she's free, you know? And I think one thing she gets out of her relationship with Nung at this stage, because nobody knows about Big Nung,

only she knows. So it's like she has this secret in a way that's like something that just belongs to her, like her grandmother has no idea. She goes and sees Big Nung after school and so her grandmother can't control that aspect of her life. So I think that is also liberating for a little Mung at this point to have just something that she can call hers.

And I think maybe that leads to like the obsessed kind of quote, the obsession she kind of has with Mung at this point or the attachment because it's like it's safe. You were safe for my grandmother too. You're not only a safe person for me to be around, but like my grandmother can't control any of our interactions either. Like I don't know that she's ever had that before. I think that's new, which is really sad. I feel like she was trapped in the house.

And she's not even trapped in the house too, because later they talk about like, bigness, like, why don't you have friends? And basically she's like, well, because my grandmother terrorizes all of them. So like, she's not allowed to have anybody in her life. So like, this is probably one of the few relationships, platonic or whatever, where her grandmother's not interfering. You know, it was just terrible. It's really sad, yeah. Just like a light heart brace for her.

She's just what a like, the fact that she's such a strong person is just wild and just very admirable, you know? The confidence man. She's resilient as fuck. It's I don't know where she learned the confidence. It's genetic. We saw a chat. It's genetic. Her. Confidence is. Genetic. Wait till you see her mom. Their shit was. This shit was. Genetic. Anyway. Somehow. How is confidence genetic, anyway?

So then we get another scene and Sam's taking Big Nung out to lunch because that's the only way you can get Big Nung to do anything is if you buy her food. In the book, she's so broke that she's always like, I can't afford not to eat so like, please Take Me Out. That's also fair, that is. It's it enforced a lot. She's like, well, ramen or whatever the hell Sam's going to buy me. Sam, let's go out. But before Sam can do anything, Nung reiterates that she will not see the grandmother.

Like she's holding these boundaries very clear and like she knows that Sam just wants everyone to get along, but she's not willing to put herself in that situation again as of right now because she's finally protecting herself after years of doing stuff for other people. I think this was she's still at the point where she needs to protect herself. I think this is also for like final stand the hill. She's willing to die in kind of thing.

So like Sam we know from Gap, like really Sam is Sam is like the people pleaser, She's the peacemaker. And she's at this point playing middleman between Big Nung and the Grand man. And she's it's just and her motivation is to get her family back together because like finally, like knowing her sister appeared after a few years and she's like, no, let's get the family all back together. We're all we have left, which is very on brand for Sam.

But in this conversation, when I thought was really interesting, is where I think there's more to Nung's refusal to see the grand man than just like, I'm doing this for me because in this conversation with Sam, Nung brings up Song, which I thought was really interesting. Like, why is she bringing up

Song now? And so to me, it hints that there's she has some unresolved feelings when it comes to her sister's song because she asks Sam between me and the grand man, who do you blame more for Song's death? And I think that's something that's been weighing on her for quite some time. And Sam doesn't answer this.

And when Nung tries to push the topic further, she trails off and like, Nung looks really guilty, like, so I think that this question she poses to Sam, like, who do you blame more, me or the grand man is her projecting? I think that she Nung blames her grandmother for her, you know, unhappiness and also songs. But I think she also blames herself for Song's death. So I think part of her motivation for avoiding the Grand man is that the grand man never changed her behavior after Nung fled.

Like instead she kept doing the exact same thing. She just started focusing on Song, then Sam and like ultimately it like led the Song's death. And then watch gap you'll see how unhappy Sam was when the focus ended up on her. But like none is out here like trying to like none learned from this, you know, big choice she made to basically cut out toxic family members. That's kind of what she was doing. And Nung learns from that and grows and you see her evolution

of that throughout the show. But the grand Mam and never learns from that. And that kills Nung that she's just like, why don't you acknowledge the role you played in this? And I think that's partially why she won't go back because she's like, until the grand Mam admits that I was unhappy because of the role she played and like, gives me an apology and apologizes to my sister song.

Like, I'm not going back there because then I'm just going back into the toxic environment and like, for what, Sam, to make you happy. I love you, but no. So I think that's part of it too. It's just like, why? Why repeat history, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's just their relationship with their grandmother is so complicated and fascinating. But like, I like that Nung is still on the journey of processing all of that and like the consequences from that, like breaking off point, you know?

That that family just has too much trauma to process and it never does get fully processed together. And it doesn't get fully resolved either. And that's OK. That's real life. Sometimes it just doesn't. And like, you live with the consequences of these actions, which is like a lesson Nung learns the hard way. And that changes her behavior in

this whole show. Next, Sam drops off Nung in front of the hotel she's staying at, where little Nung is waiting because she quote, ran away from home. She tells Big Nung that she dressed up beautifully today and all I could think of was today, an everyday little nung. I know you don't need to say that, it's just implied in Big Nung so. Big nung. But I think she's trying to say is that like, hey, you look more

dressed up than normal. It's because she went out to dinner with Sam versus like her normal like starving artist get up that is wildly attractive. But anyway, then these two have this hilarious banter that ultimately ends with Big Nung saying curl. We are not as close as you think we are, but Little Nung confidently counters with. We will be embarked by words like basically. Yeah, the girl will wear you down, but this is really

strange. Is hilariously ridiculous though, because Big Nung asks why she can't stay with her friends and Little Nung is like be considerate of their parents and Big Nung is like what? Why? What the hell? Why not be considerate of me? Lil Nung's like, well, you took responsibility because you know that I ran away and plus, we're friends. What the fuck, man? You're my girlfriend. You're exactly. But again, like, Lulu has all the confidence in the world and I think this is a major reason

Big Nong sticks around. It's because confidence is an attractive quality. Otherwise this girl is low key harassing her and Big Nong would have to call whatever the reverse of Child Protective Services is, like protect adults from children's services. Like, I don't know. And she's being harassed, you know? I can't, Deora. I can't. Did I tell a lie? Protect adults from children services like helping Nug? That's what I'm saying. So like, again, like she could handle the situation.

She really wanted to, but she's like doesn't really want to. Also, OK, the other thing I wanted to note because like I feel like Lil Nug gets a bad rap, but I want to like take a moment to highlight Yoko's acting in the scene because. Wow. Go back and watch the scene in front of the hotel beginning of part three, because just damn. OK, first of all, her body language choices I'm playing little Nung are so spot on, OK? Because she's trying to portray

that she's young, right? And so she's always like bouncing around or like making these pouting faces and does like whatever it takes to make a little numb seem younger than she actually is. OK, which we'll get into why she's doing that later, But like, she's trying to make her look a lot younger than the character actually is. So like, kudos to all the body language choices, like in the facial expressions, like spot on. But for me, the cherry on top with her acting really comes

down to the voice. OK, so if you really, it's really became apparent to me in the scene. So what Yoko does is she throws Little Nung's voice up like an octave and she adopts this like nasally tone that makes Little Nung sound like a whiny child. And she does it in a lot of the dialogue they have in the beginning of the show, particularly here. And just like, like seriously, like do yourself a favor, go listen to this scene, this this argument that they're having in this scene.

And then go listen to Yoko in season 2. And it's it's very different. The way she like chooses to speak as little known to like make her seem older, more mature, learn like good job. Like her voice acting. It was very spot on. And I just wanted to give her credit for that because just well done, ma'am. OK. But back to this argument that they're having so little nung. Basically big nung is like, go away. And little nung is like,

absolutely not. And she's not taking no for an answer because she doesn't know what that word means. Like father, like mother, like daughter. Because neither do her parents, apparently, like it has. To be hereditary because they sure as hell did not raise her. That's what I mean. This confident thing is genetic. And then like later she actually says I haven't met my mom but she calls every once in a while and I'm like, that makes sense more even more confusing, but like.

It sure does. Also I don't understand these parents are. We'll get there later. We'll get there later. They're a hot mess. But for now, just like they gifted their daughter all the confidence in the world and the inability to understand what the word no means, for better or worse. OK, so instead of leaving like Big Nung wants her to, she then demands that Big Nung teaches her how to draw her school reasons. And Lil Nung is like super whiny and just like an unbridled ball of energy.

And at first I read this off. It's just like, again, a character choice by Yoko, rightfully so, to reinforce how young this girl is. But I guess Caitlin will point out in a minute, like this is all trauma behavior from her repressive home life. And once you pointed that out, that's when my whole perspective on little unchanged and like

this is all trauma influenced. But before Caitlin goes on her amazing tangent about this, I have to note that, like, Big Numb just caves because she's in her 30s and she doesn't have the energy for this shit. But it's so relatable as somebody in their 30s. I'm like, I don't got the energy to fight you. I'm just tired. I feel like a lot of their relationship is just like, quote Big Nung spoiling Little Nug because she's tired. She's like, I don't have energy to fight you, so you're just

going to get whatever you want. This is just like fine tag along, I guess. And like little Nung is pretty self-sufficient in the fact that she can have a conversation by herself and like Nung just has to be in the room. So she was like, all right, I know you'll just talk. So. No, literally. And it's why she gets away with like clinging physically to Big Nung who hates that it's because she she gets tired swatting her off. She's like, whatever. I'm just tired. And then?

You're like in the beginning of episodes or scenes like start and then it's just like. She gets tired, which is that's what happens when you're in your 30s. So if you're not there, just letting you know it's going to happen. We're saying I'm too tired for this shit. It's when you, your fucks run out. Like that's where big Nung's at. She's like, I don't have any fucks for this anymore. They're exhausted so. Which is, I think, really. Funny in their dynamic. I think it's hilarious.

OK, so let's get into some mental health stuff. Now, just a little overview if you will, and we can point out specific things as we go throughout the show. But first I want to make a disclaimer because I am not a

psychologist. I am a person who has been in therapy off and on in a variety of settings for half my life, including group therapy where I also get to witness other people's trauma and recognize how different people respond to it, which I think helps me recognize what things are going on. I also think it's super important to talk about mental health and change the stigma around it. And I have seen a lot of talk around Little Nung and how childish she is, which makes the

age gap worse to people. And so people are like really not happy with it. But I think there is more to it, so I just want to take. A few moments to dive. Into some things. So let's talk about childhood trauma because they both definitely have it. Absolutely. So if you have not heard of ACES, this is something that's very relevant to both big NUM

and little NUM. ACES stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and it refers to traumatic events that occur in a child's life, such as abuse, neglect, household dysfunction, or parental mental illness. How? Many do they have they so many points are checked off on that list. And research shows that these experiences can have profound and lasting effects on a person's physical and mental health, impacting their developmental development into

adulthood. And there's actually a ten question questionnaire for you to determine how many Aces you have. And if you have four or more, you're more likely to have adverse or like outcomes that are worse. You're worse off basically. That's not the right way to say that, but This is why I need everything written down anyway. So the categories for Aces is emotional abuse, which is verbal or emotional mistreatment. OK, I'm going to give that to both of them.

Physical abuse, physical harm or violence. Both of them, they both have the same mistreatment of physical abuse. Emotionally, they were just yeah, we we know what the emotional is, sexual abuse. I don't believe we have that. We don't know anything about that. So we OK now neglect, emotional neglect, lack of emotional support or affection.

I mean, yeah. I would say though Little Nung has that more so than Big Nung because Big Nung had her sisters and Little Nung is by herself with her grandmother so she's more isolated and is not allowed to happen. That's fair, but I feel like. They both have degrees. They figure absolutely from the they figure. Definitely neglected physical neglect, failure to provide basic physical needs, food, shelter, medical care. I they were both pretty well off because they come off come from

well off families. However, the medical care strikes me and I feel like it's kind of like the opposite of neglect with the medical care 'cause I personally feel like they overplayed some things when little Nung was younger to kind of stunt her growth in a way. So I think they're just trying. I I don't think that it was actually all caused by her being born early. I'll rant about that later, but

yes. OK, All right, so now household dysfunction, substance abuse, living with someone who has a substance use order disorder. I don't think that's relevant for the two of them. Mental illness, having a household member with untreated mental health issues. Now I feel like there's something going on with these grandmothers, so I'm going to give this to both of them as well. Domestic violence, witnessing violence in the home. And this is typically a a

parents. However, for Big Numg she did see, I mean I guess it was focused on her when she was actually living there I feel like. Song and Sam have this because they watched. The. Grandma. And Sam have it. Sam definitely has. Sam for sure suffers from this. The next one is parental separation or divorce experience. Separation or divorce of parents. So I believe Nung did know her parents at one point. I forget when that all happened. Yes, Nung did know her parents,

but they're orphaned now. Yeah, and little Nung got separated at birth, basically. Yeah. That still causes trauma. I did a deeper dive into that as well. Is there trauma for when they randomly come back he also suffers from? That OK, yes, no, I mean, one of my points later is that they both still have a lot of ongoing trauma. Oh my God, that is new. That could also be. The title of the show. Trauma bonded, no, because

they're trauma. I mean now they're trauma shared, but they're definitely trauma bonding. The last one's incarceration, having a household member who is incarcerated that I mean Chet, if we get there, who knows who knows what's going to happen this political landscape. So but this is before they're 18. So we have passed. They do not have that as of what we know. So they have a good amount of of trauma that they're dealing with.

So the effects of these Aces on children emotional development. Children with high ACE scores often struggle with emotional regulation, leading to issues like anxiety and depression. So I I find the emotional regulation thing to be something to note. Yeah, especially with like, I mean that scene with little Nung is a great example of just like her hyperactivity in the way she's whiny, pouty, always being like please, please, please. Like I think that's your

emotional regulation piece. Because if she if you think about it, she grows up in a household with the grand man or her not the grand man with the grandmother. She's like a carbon copy, but still where she's not allowed just like children are seeing not heard kind of thing. So she can never express herself. So like when she's around big Nung in a safe space, she over expresses everything because she's finally able to let it all

out, you know? So it like comes off as like childish behavior, but just like her letting loose really like all the things she has to repress, which is also just sad as fuck, you know? Yeah, you brought up a phrase that triggers me. In general, children should be seen and not heard. That is an absolute disgusting phrase. I'm pretty sure it was like drawn in my school in like middle school at some point. That's ridiculous. It was either that or it might

have been. Children should be seen and heard. I mean, that's. Because. But I think. Yeah, my dad says that all the time. That's how he was raised. He was raised in a year scene not heard because they would get beaten if they like. But I was like young, like little being like that is terrible. And I was so against it. I I was allowed to have an. Opinion.

I want to say one more thing about the emotional development because like, OK, again, with like little Nung, it's very obvious that she's just like much big Nung does this too, OK? Because when we get the scenes where like she gets triggered, she immediately jumps into anger and will lash out at like little Nung a lot, which is why we get to these ridiculous arguments where she's like, you're not worthy of me and all this

bullshit. And like it's because she also cannot emotionally regulate herself. She's in her 30s and can't do it. And it all comes back to this fucking trauma that they have. Like so like they both do this. It's just it manifests differently because of Nung. Big Nung clings to her mask of I'm a cool collected person. So then it just comes out as anger. Whereas like little Nung, the minute she takes the mask off, she's like fuck it. And she just like expresses every emotion she's having.

So they both do this. It's just, it's just different. Yeah, another effect that it has on children is cognitive development. Trauma can impair brain development, affecting learning, memory, and problem solving skills. So I feel like this is a lot of little nuns issues right now is because the trauma is impacting her ability to do well in school, Yeah. And I I think she's. She's associated with pain as well because. Mm hmm. If I keep going and I fail, then I get beaten.

So like, I want to just. She says a lot in the book. I just want to be free of all of school. And yeah, I think you're right. It's because she associates it negatively. That's a really good point and also that would make more sense why she does poorly in school versus them being like she was born prematurely which is why she's a 20 year old in high school because she was held. Back. No, that made no sense. I was like, what? No. I'm like, there's a lot. Of premature kids.

Right Who? Like it doesn't make sense. This makes more sense that the girls held back a bunch of times because like, she's fucking traumatized personally, just that makes more sense. I still think that they held her back on purpose. Yeah, probably. Even though the grandma was pressuring her to be her best, I still think they wanted to have the control over her. I agree and. I say they, but technically it was the grandmother the entire time because.

The whole this whole clusterfuck is the grandmother. This is the grandmother. Like little Nung is paying for the crimes of her mother. That's what's happening. That's why she's in this situation. It's very upsetting. The next effect it can have on children is social relationships. Children may have difficulty forming healthy relationships due to trust issues or attachment disorders.

And I know this is for children, but like if you have this as a child, you're more likely to grow up into an adult with these issues. So I feel like Big Nung has the trust issues Little Nung has. They both have an attachment disorder and the fact that Big Nung is detached from everyone and everything and Little Nung attaches herself to anything that could resemble the opposite of how she was raised. That well said, no notes. Thank you.

All right. Last effect it can have is behavioral issues, and there's an increased risk of behavioral problems, including aggression or withdrawal. Big Nung. Big Nung is struggling, so transitioning to adulthood with adverse childhood experiences. It can increase chronic health issues. Higher rates of chronic illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, and substance abuse. Noticing heart disease. Big non needs to keep being evaluated. No, literally, that's what takes out the grand man.

Like you would say, I'm need to go to primary care physicians please. Yeah, and you guys need to stick together so you don't have the substance abuse problems. OK, so the next one is mental health challenges. There's an increased vulnerability to mental health disorders such as PTSD, depression or anxiety disorders. I feel like that PTSD is strong in both of them. Absolutely, Absolutely. Another one is social

functioning. Challenges in maintaining stable relationships or employment can arise due to past trauma. Big Numb. Yeah, I don't. I think she doesn't want to be a salaried employee because she's like, I don't want people telling me what to do because she's traumatized from the grandmother, the grandmam telling her what to do constantly so.

Yeah. Yeah. Adults with a history of high Aces may display behaviors that seem childish or immature for several reasons, and this is something we really needed to bring up because of the childish behavior of little known. So emotional regulation is difficult for people with a high a score. It can be maybe it's not saying that everybody who has a high a score has all these things. Everybody's different.

It can take many forms, but emotional regulation, difficulty managing emotions can lead to outbursts or regression to childlike coping mechanisms. And there is, there's a couple different things with the age regression and I'll, I'll say it after we get through all these. So trauma responses, some may revert to behaviors from childhood as a way to cope with stress, seeking comfort in familiar patterns. And then the last one is interpersonal relationships.

Inability to navigate adult relationships may result in dependency or avoidance mirroring childlike behavior. I feel like avoidance is big nung. Yes. Dependency is little nung because she just wants somebody to care for her. But yeah, everyone else is babying her, but no one actually cares about her. They're not. So much babying her more so they're just like, controlling her and putting what they want onto her and, like, taking away

all of her autonomy. So I guess in a sense, like babying because, like, babies have no rights, That's kind of what's happening, which is ridiculous because she's an adult at this stage. It's fuck it up. Yeah. So like. Just in general, little Nung becomes more attached to people, she's more socially regressed, and she copes with her trauma

through this age regression. So because she was emotionally abused as a child through neglect, not even to mention the physical abuse that she faced, she struggles with aggression when she's put in stressful situations. And so you may be wondering, thinking like, oh, but she is acting the child when she's around big Nung, that's not stressful. She loves her, but at it doesn't seem stressful. But if you notice, she's more like a child in the beginning when big Nung is being

standoffish. And as big Nung comes to accept and even like little Nung she became, she begins to become more mature and because she has more assurance in herself and the relationship so she doesn't feel like she needs to fight as much I guess. And the the comfortability creates a situation where she doesn't need to have this coping mechanism. I think part of it too, I agree with all that. Part of it too is like she's

putting on a show. I think part of it too is she's trying to act child like because it makes her quote cuter and people will people will want to take care of her and she's trying to get big nun to like engage with her. So she's trying to act cute. And like you said, eventually it they become more on each other's level in terms of like

communicating with each other. And if you notice, if you go back to Yoga's acting, her voice starts changing too, to demonstrate that like, the character is maturing and is not putting on this performance to be childlike and cute. And like, she becomes more emotionally regulated as big nuns start treating her like a person you know and like engaging with her in good faith. Yeah, but also another way to look at this is that at home she is forced into a box.

She has to act a certain way and is at risk of abuse if she doesn't do something right. So when she goes out, she is more free to be a child. And she's also making up for being repressed at home because now that she has like this little bit of freedom, she needs to take advantage of it because I guarantee she was basically like locked in a room when she was growing up, being forced to study or something.

I mean, you think her grandmother's going to let her bounce around the house and whine and like, being genuinely excited and, like, Yippy about stuff? Absolutely not. She'd be like, shit, sit down, study, or I'm going to, like, abuse you, basically. So yeah, exactly. She's got to get it all out, you know? Yeah, because, you know, children are children and they're going to be children at some point. And everyone, she's just a lot going on and she's not allowed to feel at home.

No. And then the other thing that compounds us and why is she acting like a child is because everybody treats her like one. They treat her like a child. So then she acts like a child. The only person who doesn't treat her really like a child is Big nun. He just treats her like a person like and then so you watch her behavior start changing once big Nung starts doing that more

consistently. And then Little Nung starts acting like the adult she actually is when she's no longer being treated like a child, like somebody without any autonomy basically. She doesn't try to put her in a box, things like that, which is, I love that about. Them she doesn't feel like that she needs to be a child around her either. She's like I can be myself and be grown up. Right. I can just be me around you. This is so.

Yeah. And so eventually, like, so it's like she's wearing this mask of childishness also as like a defense mechanism too, because if I'm cute, like people will like me and things like that. And then after a while, big no. It's like, no, I just, I kind of like you from who you are when you're not doing any of that. And that is a form of comfortability, like you're saying, Caitlyn. And they show that through the glasses, apparently. Oh my God. I hate that, but yes they do.

I've said all of big young stuff already, basically, unless you have something else to add. No, but basically the bottom line is that these two are very traumatized people. They have very similar traumas, which is very evident in the show. But the bottom line is it explains their behavior, especially in this episode when you first meet them. And I'm with you. When I first watched this, I was like little non is acting very childish, just super makes me uncomfortable.

How the hell do you want me to root for this romance that's about to start happening? Once you realize that the root of it is this all this trauma that they both share and that they just express it differently. Like it makes so much more sense. Like why she why little non behaves this way?

And then like it makes her character arc so much richer when you see her transformation through her relationship with with Nung. Like I'm big Nung on many levels and it's just kudos to Yoko and her acting and the way she transforms this character. It's really masterful. Like I really enjoy it. I think it's really interesting that they decided to give them like, almost the same exact trauma to show the different paths that people who even gone

through the same stuff can take. Yeah, exactly. Everybody processes trauma in a different way, and there's no one way to process and handle what is going on. Like somebody coping. Like you can't judge somebody for how they're coping because you don't understand what's going on in their head. Everyone. Everyone is different. Yeah, and I'm. Glad like one approach to helping somebody go through something. There's no universal approach. Yeah, we do. We just do the best we can.

But I'm really glad you said that. Don't judge somebody because you don't know what's going on with them because that really sets up the rest of this episode. And like, Big Nun comes to that realization when she finds out what's actually going on with Little Nung. So let's get into that. OK, so before our big mental health spiel, hope that was educational. Bottom line is that Little Nung coaxed Big Nung into teaching her to draw. So they head to the park to do

just that. So little Nung's on her own little towel blanket thingy looking out at the ocean or a lake or whatever, and she's like drawing a landscape. And then Big Nung is sitting on a park bench keeping herself distance and she's drawing a little Nung though. And I was like, hold on, I can't. Believe that little Nung actually let that happen. I know. Or she was not sitting next to her. She respects big Nung, you know, she's like, all right, fine, I'll do it.

You're Alicia right there. I'll do what you want. But yeah, you're right. That is weird. She's not sitting on the bench with her because like in like 3 episodes that's she would never sit on that towel. She'd be like, now I'm sitting, I see you all. Right. OK, so big Nung is drawing a portrait of little Nung and was and I was wondering at this point I'm like, was this a conscious or subconscious choice

of her to draw this? Because like, you know, you get inspired and you just try drawing, right as like an artist. And personally, I'm leaning more towards this was a subconscious choice to do this because in the prior scene when that part of their argument was big nuns, like I can't do something with you. I have to make money and make art today.

And so like, if that was true, I feel like she'd be drawing a landscape or something she could sell because she obviously can't sell photos like drawings with little Nung unless they're too little nung and she's not making money off that as we've established. So I think she this is showing that she's kind of like she's fixating on Lil Numg a little bit and I don't think she realizes that. I feel like she was probably sitting there not knowing what to draw or just being so distracted.

And then she's like, I'll just put like a few lines on the paper and see what happens. And then this is what happened. Right. I think it was subconscious. You're just like, yeah, yeah, I'll just draw. Oh shit. And also this annoying child keeps following her around so like what else is she thinking about? OK, but OK, I love when Little Nun calls her out on this and she's like, why are you drawing

me? And Big Nun's like, listen, I I've been drawing landscapes all day and there's no animals around. There's no dogs or cats for me to draw. And Little Nun pouts and she's like, what the hell, You just compared me to a cat or a dog. And it's like, girl, take the compliment. Like I thought. She was happy about it though 'cause if someone put me on the same, same level as a dog, I would feel so loved. Right, right.

That's a compliment. Don't pout anyway, so let's let's talk about the the art lesson that actually happens here because I think this is really interesting and I put this on our Tumblr. So for those that engage with us, thank you. So basically little nuns like I'm done drawing. Take a look because she's her teacher to draw right? And big nuns like. OK, like it looks. Good and all, but I don't understand why we're doing this, because you're not here to be an

artist professionally. Like, I don't know why you're putting so much time and effort into drawing. And it's like, OK, first of all, Lunung is there to hang out with you. Like, that's just painfully obvious. That's why this is happening. Second of all, though, hobbies exist, OK? And I feel like Big Nung for her in the beginning, drawing was a hobby, right? But she ended up turning that into a career that she now, like, depends on financially.

And you could argue that, like, cooking is another hobby of hers that we see her doing in the show, but like, that's something that's functional. Like when she's done cooking, she can eat what she needs to survive. So like, I don't know if that could it's really a hobby. But I found this like an interesting line because to me, it almost reads like Big Nung doesn't have hobbies. Like she doesn't have fun outside of her passion for art,

which like is a career. And the minute you start making something, a career, like, it takes some of the joy out of it because like, she has to make art then to make money. And like that can, you know, be sticky. So it almost seems to me like even though that Nung fled the palace to be free and do whatever she wants, she's still not fully free in a sense because we get to know her here and she still doesn't really have a lot of friends.

And it seems like she's still isolating herself and therefore is like emotionally trapped. And like, we see her like still have regrets about the past that she's not fully processed and things like that. And so I think one of the things I love about her relationship with little Nung is I think that what little Nung gives her like is that she frees big Nung from the self-imposed prison that she's in. Like she brings her out of isolation.

And the moment where that really clicked for, and that's so huge for Nung because she's isolating herself and not only she realizes it and it's making her something's missing. There's a blank space, right? That's what the title means. And so I think the moment that best encapsulates this, that Little Nun gives her like life, is when they end up at the beach later and Little Nun basically pulls her out to the shore, being like, I'm not doing it. She's like, yeah, you are.

And she, like, pulls her out to the shore. And they're just like, playing in the ocean. And there's like, there's no functional necessity to any of this. It's like they're just having fun. And in that moment, you see, we see big Nung smile for the very first, like an actual real big full teeth smile, like the first time she ever does that. And so it's like this encapsulation of like what little Nung gives her, which is just like freedom and happiness.

And she shows Big Nung how to live because like she wasn't really living. She was just like isolating herself trying to survive, like being stubborn about not going back home. But like she didn't have joy really or true happiness until like this person comes into her life and like fully breaks her out of her shell. It's really beautiful. I love that.

All right, after the the appraising of the art, they like the the drawing lesson ends and Nung basically big Nung mice drops and leaves little nung to hastily collect her things, which is hilarious. She like runs after big nun who's just like leaving. She's like, fuck this. Bye. The lesson's over. I that's all you paid me for. Goodbye. And then they end up on this bridge, OK? Because of course they don't. And they have the talk, OK.

So big nose. Like, look, I don't know why you're chasing me. I never asked you to chase after me. But you keep chasing me. And by chasing me, I mean, you seem to be, like, doing that in a romantically motivated way. So I don't know if you really don't understand this. You're pretending not to. But let me lay down why this is not going to happen. She's like #1 I'm an adult #2 you're just a girl.

She isn't, but we'll get there. And then #3 we're both women and it's like I was following you until #3 But like, isn't Sam your sister? Why? I don't understand why. Everyone forgets about them. I maybe Sam and Maude forget about them too. I don't know. Like your sister is proof that it's fine but whatever. So anyway, regardless, little nun keeps fighting and she's basically like, I don't I don't understand where you're you're saying all this shit.

I wonder if it's a thing of like it's OK if they do it right? Not for me though. Honestly, I've read multiple books by this author and that does seem to be the theme, which is weird. Not weird, but it's like every main character is kind of like, well, I never thought about it's, it's always the characters. Like I don't like anybody. I just like you. That's usually the character. And they're always like, I never liked anybody. And then I met you and I was

like, oh, feelings. So yeah, I like, I don't know. And it seems to be a theme where they're like, women. I like, I like a woman. What? The character's always going through this. So it's just like a theme in these novels, which, sure, that's people's journeys, which is fine. But like, little Nog is like, it's 2024. What do you mean? Like, none of these things make any sense. She's like, love doesn't have rules. What the hell are you talking

about? I like that question that she poses to Nung where she's like does love have rules? Because I feel this statement like rules would be triggering to big Nung given her upbringing because after all like societal rules were what she was rebelling from in the 1st place. Like she literally ran away from an arranged marriage to someone that fit the quote rules of marrying her. So I felt like that would have triggered her and made her

defensive right? It doesn't, but I feel I feel like it would have, but I think why it doesn't is because that ML cardinal rule that no one is truly worthy of her is so ingrained into her that like that Trump's everything else. I also think that big Nung is also dealing with self hatred where on some level she she doesn't feel worthy of true love. Also, I think that's also in her as well or like no one's worthy of her, but I think that she

also doesn't feel worthy. And it has to do with the fact that like she's at a point where she's kind of reflecting on her past choices. Like she brought up song and all that stuff where I think she feels like she keeps making mistakes when she keeps choosing stuff and like the consequences is she's hurting people. So I think that like on some level she's like, I just keep hurting people. Like, I don't, I don't deserve anybody either, you know?

Because she wasn't able to do what was expected of her. So I wonder if we like that makes her feel like she's not like she's a failure in a way, kind of. Yeah, I think she's afraid of her. She's afraid that her her actions will hurt people. And I, I will bring that up multiple times when we get deeper into their relationship, when they start having arguments. And it's like, that's what's motivating a lot of nuns behavior, big nuns behavior.

It's because she's afraid of, of hurting little nun if she gives it to what she wants. Kind of that's that's the crux of a lot of their arguments later. But we're not there yet. We're still at the are you even worthy of me in the 1st place? We're still stuck. We're still stuck here. I got to get through that trauma first. So she asks Little Nung, like, are you even worthy of me? And when Little Nung doesn't answer, she gets her like 3 seconds.

Big Nung's like fuck this. And then she walks away. She's like that. That's what I thought. But Little Nung again is you can never expect. You can't expect her to do anything the way you think she's going to do it. She won't. So she proclaims very loudly and very publicly that she loves Big Nung, which stops. Very publicly not. A prick, OK. It's in public. She would that. Stops Big Nung in her tracks.

And if you look at Big Nog's face when she kind of turns around, like, it's like, it's almost like she's like shocked and then like hopeful in a way. Because I personally don't think anyone has ever said that to her. I love you never, like, sure, Sam would be like, I love you as a sister. But I don't think anybody has ever proclaimed romantic love to her ever. Because if you cut back to the wedding with Chet, he was trying to sell the marriage to her. When she's like, why are you

worthy of me? His argument was like, I look good on paper. It wasn't I love you. It was like, I have money, I have status. It was never about like, I care about you. It was like, this is a partnership that benefits us in society, right? But then here comes little numb with a whole different like, and it was a very confident thing, he said. But like here's little numb with a whole different kind of confidence where she says I'm not worthy of you today, but I will be one day.

I promise. Translation of that is I'm willing to fight for you until you, Big Nung, see me as worthy. And like that's the major difference. And that I think is what makes this unique to Big Nung because Little Nung is out here trying to personally please her and not fulfill some like social contract. She's not being like, well, here's my stats. Like I come from wealthy family, blah, blah, blah.

No, she's like, I'm going to fight until you see me as, as somebody worthy of you, which no one has ever given her that choice. I don't think so and I don't know that Nung has ever truly experienced that or witnessed that kind of like genuine affection except with the exception of like Mon and Sam who she keep forgot existed in this conversation. I. Forget this new existed. That's my Taylor Swift song for this episode. So that's a good one.

That's a good one. No, Little Nung is everything that Big Nung's never had. Mm hmm. Exactly Like literally like I she'd never, I don't think again the self loving, I don't think she ever expected anybody to ever say that to her. And so like, this was just shocking and like, wow, OK. I think she also wants the confidence of little known like to and then also knowing that she went through basically the same trauma as well. I wonder if that makes her closer.

Like maybe I can act like her if and be more confident if I'm around her because I mean she went through this stuff I should be able to as well. She doesn't know that here. But yes, I agree that, yeah, that's definitely part of it. But here she's just like responding to this confidence of somebody being like, I will, I will fight for you until you see see me as worthy of you, which is so different.

And so I think that this was touching and and it did get to her because Big Noon doesn't say anything about this, which which is the cardinal, which is the cardinal hint that it it hit hit deep because she doesn't acknowledge it. That means it's making her emotional inside. So instead of saying acknowledging this, she's like, let's go get food. She's and then they cut over to them at like the mall and they're eating together and she's like, she says to little non buy anything you want.

I'll pay for it, which aren't you broke? What do you mean? She's not though, because she has extra now. Sam sent her 20,000 baht instead of 8000, so she's just two months of rent plus a little extra. OK, that's, that's fair. But I think it's more so that like this is Nung showing her hand in a way, because this become this whole food thing becomes an ongoing theme with big Nung. I think I am a firm believer that food is her love language.

And so by buying Little Nung food, it's her way of. Highlands love language, I'm sorry. It's a love like, but it's it's very much hers in this show also, because I think that by buying little nung food, it's her way of saying I care about you slash I'm into this. That's the admittance here. Otherwise she would just walk her home. But she's like, let's go get food, let's have a meal together, and that's kind of like her way of showing she cares without saying it.

So she kind of shares Sam's trait a little bit. Sam could not communicate to save her life. None can communicate a lot better. But like she does do things to she very much shows her love through actions. And then food is a big one that will keep coming up with her over and over again. Now, while this is cute and sweet and beautiful, of course it's interrupted because we can't have nice things. And Chet shows up, we just happens to be at the mall, right? And he approaches, a big nun

tries to run away. She's like oh fuck. And she tries to run away, but she's not successful. So this interaction happens in front of Little Lung. And Little Lung's like who's this? Why do you know him? And Big nun's like, I don't know this man, I've never seen him before in my life. And Chet, for once, for once and only once, takes the hint and plays along with what Big Nung is saying. But this seems so out of character for him.

Like I don't understand why this is our basically an introduction to him now. I think it's, I think part of what he's doing in the scene. And he's like, oh, she's still mad at me. Let me just play this cool. So instead of like engaging with her, he's like, listen, I'm here be I wasn't stalking you. I'm here because I'm campaigning to be in parliament and I'm just meeting my constituents. And he gives her a business card.

So I think this is important to note because it, for me, sets up his character because he's entering the political sphere right now, OK? He's campaigning, which means he's trying to look good for people, right? So I think this motivates his behavior going forward into why he tries to get back into Big Nun's orbit, because she is an influential person based on her title. And if he can get close to her, it will help him politically. So he's not trying to burn bridges here.

He's like, OK, this is where you live. Great. Here's my card, keep in touch kind of thing because you can help me politically. And I think that's that's kind of what they're setting up. He's never cared about her. No, he cares about himself. Yeah. All right, so then we pick up and Little Nung is not blind, and she notices that there's something odd going on between Big Nung and Chet.

Because you don't have history of, you know, your fiance running out on you on your wedding day and be able to hide it fully. That's just not possible, especially with them. So Little Nung tries to figure out if Big Nung is into him because of course she is jealous. And because no one is even allowed to look at Big Nung, never. Which little Nung. That's all people are going to do because Big Nung well, the thing that's weird.

Oh. Yes. The thing that's weird from her point of view is that big nun's like, I don't know this man. And then she takes his business card. So I think that she's trying to call her out and be like, well, if you weren't interested, why would you take business card? And then big nun's like, why are you pushing this? And little nun's like, 'cause I

like you. And then big nun gets embarrassed, which like happens over and over again because, OK, first of all, she's like, what are you doing, child, basically. But really it's mostly because I think big young again, grew up in that repressive household. She wears that mask of indifference constantly as a form of protection.

And Little Nong is constantly professing how she feels like in public, they're on a busy St. She's just being like, I love you in the middle of a crowd, you know, because she has no shame. And Big Nook's like, what the fuck you're supposed to do? If you mean, if you mean this, you're supposed to do it in private. And like, say, only for me to hear that makes it special. That's part of her like whole her deal. But like, fuck it, now I want the world to know.

And in this conversation, it's interesting because we get into the crux of like, why Little Nong's like that? Because Big Nong's like, why do you keep doing this? Aren't you embarrassed? And Little Nung's like you were the only person I don't feel embarrassed to be around like yours, which is confirmation. Again, like we said, that Little Nung sees Big Nung as her safe space and it's somebody she feels comfortable with enough to be her true self around.

And again, I think that's something that Big Nung wants as well. And that's part of the appeal of Little Nung for her. And after Little Nung just again proclaims her love very publicly, big Nung also says like it's so easy for you to say. Like it's just like the the fact that these emotions just come off your out of your mouth so easily is just wild to her because again, this is the childhood trauma bullshit where

she is emotionally stunted. I think that, and this is something I wanted to bring up and really hark on because the difference between the two of them is that like little Nung, you see her behave like a child, like physically and like how she talks and that kind of stuff. But like, let us not forget that Big Nong is like emotionally a child because I think she's so stunted by like the repression, all the things Caitlin went

over. So I think that and somebody of her age, she's actually less in tune with her emotions than she should be. So perhaps I think she struggles with expressing her feelings and and part of her and because of that she struggles with that, it makes her envious of little nun's ability to just be very blunt with her emotions.

But the other thing is like, again, I think she suffers from some self loathing and she probably on some level doesn't want to believe what Little Nung says is true when she's like being like, oh, I honest, this is how I feel. Big Mang's like, OK, sure, whatever. I don't believe you. I mean, because she can't ever believe anyone in her life so. Because people always have ulterior motives around her. So like it's, it's not

surprising. And since the I love you thing happened, Big Numb is now showing more affection to Little Numb, and she holds her wrist across the street after telling her to go home. Now, usually she'd just let her follow her, but no, this time she was like, I'm taking you, we're going together. Yeah. And I remember the first time we watched this, we're like, why is she doing this? It's very much like an adult leading a child across the street, which it does look like

that on the surface. And maybe that's what's going on. But I think what it's really supposed to demonstrate also is that while Big Nung talks a big game about being indifferent to Little Nung's feelings, she cares enough about her to, like, grab her hand and make sure she safely gets across the street. Because let us all recall the big, the thing she discovered as a child, which is act the opposite of the way you feel. So she's doing that right here.

But I think that the difference is that, like, little known wears her down so much that eventually her true feelings start emerging. It's like this idiom keeps coming up in these novels, which is like the, you know, a drip of water, dripping water eventually will wear down a stone. That's literally what's happening with the two of them. Like little none just wears down the walls until feelings come out of big none. And it's just, yeah, it's

beautiful. Yeah, and instead of just sending her home, she takes her there. Like she's like, I'm going to make sure you're fully OK and we're going to go to your home. And I'm glad she does it because it's like dark by the time they get there. Yeah, like what is time though? It's been going down. It's just always day in the night. How far away does Little Mug live from this bus stop is my question? Because yeah, they always leave and it's daylight and they get home and it's dark.

Like damn, that's a commute. Seriously. Seriously. Yeah. So Little Nung has stated multiple Times Now that Big Nung makes her feel safe and powerful, which is so important for someone like Little Nung who doesn't have that in her life. And Big Nung kicks the puppy and tells Little Nung that she doesn't like her being clingy. And it's the first time Little Nung seems to actually listen and looks hurt by Big Nung's

words. And Little Nun admits to her that she doesn't know how to act like this is her emotionally and socially stunted as well. Because yes, she doesn't have these experiences. She was isolated not by her own choice growing up, so she doesn't know like the proper ways to be with somebody else. Yeah, all she knows is the dynamic of I'm a child to my grandmother. That's all she knows, which is really hard.

It's really heartbreaking. And I also want to bring up that in this conversation when Big Nung is kind of getting trying to get her to like, not cling to her. She doesn't like people in her personal space, which is fine. But in part of the argument she says, is there is there no one at home for you to hug? Like that's what gets her. That's what freezes little Nung. And I want to bring this up because this this comes up later and I want to big Nung remembers

this moment. If she files this shit away and it comes back up later and I'll bring it up when it comes up again. But little knowing in this conversation explains why she doesn't know how to behave because again, she lives with her grandmother and she feels because of their age gap, she doesn't have a lot in common with her. She doesn't, I mean, she's not treated like a human being with her grandmother.

It's very like, it's very much the grandmother views little long as you're an extension of me, not you're an independent human. So you're going to do what I say. So she's like, I don't know how to talk to people in a real like in a real way. I just know how to view that as a child, right? And also like there is 100% a no hug policy in that house. Let's be honest. Like no, there's is nobody telling. Her. Right, so she's she's not getting she's she's touch

starved. Both of them are touch starved human beings. Never forget that. And like Caitlin, like you were saying, like little social school, social skills are completely skewed. But Despite that, she does manage to have real conversations with Big Nung. So throughout the series and once she explains to because Big Nung was like, why are you with your grandmother? We're your parents. She once she explains it like her parents aren't in the picture. This is when it clicks for Nung.

Like this is what Nung gets real quiet because this strikes her own trauma chord because she's an orphan. She understands not having her parents around. And one thing I do love from this conversation is that after this, Lim Lung's like, well, I'm sad now that you brought this up, but you're asking me questions, trying to genuinely get to know me. Please keep asking me questions. Like, it's very sweet because nobody asks this girl questions

like real ones. They just, again, if you watch all the conversations that happened with Little Nung, it's just people are trying to impose their will onto her. Nobody except big Nung asks. How do you feel about this? And so like, this was probably one of the first times somebody took a genuine interest in her, was asking her questions. And she's like, finally, you're trying to get to know me. Like, please keep asking me questions even though I'm sad.

This topic is sad as fuck. Like, just keep asking me things. Like it's heartbreaking and sweet and sad and just it's a big moment, though. This is a big moment. It's because no one wants her to have a voice. Yeah, she is still very much in the children should be seen and not heard thing because it'll treat you like a problem. Yeah.

It's a hierarchy thing where it's like you don't get to have the opinion I have dominion over you because you'll see language later where they're like, I have the right to tell her where she's living. She's being controlled constantly. Like she doesn't get to have a voice. But Big Nung is the only person that gives her the space to like, say, her mind. Peace of Mind. And this is when Big Nung is realizing that they're more alike than she thought.

And so when she starts inquiring things that she has trauma from, like how would you feel if your grandmother fainted and you had run away and left her alone? Oh yes, projection, your Honor. But here's one thing I want to note about this conversation though, because I don't know that knowing ever thought about that big Nung because sorry, I don't know that big Nung ever thought about that because when she left, the grand Man had

salmon song. So like there were people living in the house that could take care of the grand man. So big Nung could leave knowing that even though we're fighting my, you know, the grand man will be taken care of by my sisters. Little Nung does not have that luxury. She's alone with her grandmother, which makes her situation kind of worse because she doesn't have her sisters. She doesn't have sisters to confide in the way that Big Nung

did. She's she's truly alone in in this whole clusterfuck of the situation. Which is probably why she's the one that's socially stunted. Agreed. Agreed. Agreed. And little Nung is like you don't know the situation, so it's easier for you to say that all these things. But Big Nung does, in a way. And now Big Nung looks like the kicked puppy, and her attachment to Little Nung has just grown tenfold.

Yeah. And then Big Nung stumbles onto the marks on Little Nung's leg and when she asks about it, Little Nung lies and says she fell and then quickly runs off to get out of the situation so she doesn't have to. And it's interesting that she doesn't want Big Nung to know well. What's weird is that the dialogue before she sees the bruises is big nuns. Like, oh, is your grandmother really that strict?

Because she's because in her head she's like, she's like, I'm thinking she just tells out loud. She's like, I'm thinking about somebody who's in a similar situation to you. And she's like, how strict could your grandmother really be? I grew up with a fucking grand man. There is nobody stricter than that bitch. And Lil Long's like, no, she's real strict. She, she hits me if I don't do well in school. And she tells her like my mother, my grandmother does corporal punishment regularly.

And then Big Nong's like, well, how, how strong could a frilled woman be? Like, because we get a flashback of Big Nong where she's it's happening to her basically. And I think in her mind, because she's so far out from this event, she's glossed over what that was actually like. And she was like, well, I was tough and I took it like, why can't you? I think that's her mentality when she's having this conversation. But then when she sees the bruises, she's like, oh, shit

like that. That woman is really hurting you. Like those bruises are really bad. And that's when little Nung's like, no, I, I fell. I know what I was just saying, but this, this was me falling. This wasn't my grandmother. And and that's when Nung big Nung gets like immediately, once she recognizes that this girl, like this girl she cares about is being harmed, her mask dissolves and you just see her looking just extremely worried about her. Like there's no pretensive indifference.

She's like, oh shit. Like I really I'm worried about her. But like worried about little Nung or she like worried about herself because I think part of her journey is like trying to heal her inner child that was never actually healed. And like save quote her inner child by saving quote Nung little Nung from her own fate. So I think that's also part of the narrative. Yeah, and then Big Nung ends up getting nightmares about all the times that her grandmother hit her because trauma.

And it's trauma for the exact same reason, because in the flashback, why is this happening? Big Nung was a little Nung at the time didn't get like a like 100% on her test score. So the grand man was like, you have to be perfect. You're the heir, all this bullshit. And what's interesting about the flashback is that when the corporal punishment is happening, what does what does Nong do? Nong stands there with her head held high. She doesn't cry, she doesn't make a sound.

She just takes it and takes it like pridefully, you know? So I think that that was what was like skewing her, remembering that she's like, well, I got through it and with my head held high, like, you know. Yeah, but that's not everyone's coping mechanism. Big nom. No, but I mean she was raised to be perfect and blah blah blah and like all this shit. And that was very much her attitude.

You could tell during the scene. Yeah, but then the next day, Little Known shows up to Big Known's place, because now she knows exactly where she lives. She finds that Big Nung is in the elevator with Chet Dun Dun Dun. And it does look like they're in the middle of like fighting or having a lover's quarrel or some shit. So it is concerning that Chet knows where she lives because Chet is the worst. Let's just get that out there now. He is.

But yes, Dun Dun Dun indeed. And that's where it ends. So that wraps up this discussion before we sign off start a new trend for this, which thanks Becky from Gap because she loves Taylors love. We are a new trend at this. Point they are. Putting at the end of the episodes is new, so yeah, it is new. We're not doing it more. Validation to me. OK, so which Taylor Swift song related to this episode? Slash. Yeah.

What was going on here? I think personally, we are obligated to bring up blank space because of the I got a blank space baby and I'll write your name. That's basically the show. So there's that. Well, some came up while we were doing this, so I forgot that you existed. Was Sam and mom's relationship literally This is why we can't have nice things Is whatever comes on the screen whenever any of little nun's family comes on the screen. It's This is why we can't have

nice things. Literally though. Oh my. God, yeah, No, that's real good. All right. And then last but not least, who would you or what would you give the Big Gay Energy Award? For those at home, let us know what what from this episode encapsulated the concept of Big Gay Energy the most in this episode. What do you think? Big nung. Big nung. Yeah, that's the answer, but it's gonna be hard. That's. Gonna be my. Answer in every episode though, so like I have to figure.

Out something you have to be more specific OK I all right not just say big nung hey big nung specifically the big nung the first time we see her with little nung where she's in that brown button down and the half one that thing well like. Basically. It's like which? Big nung, Big nung. 'S outfit is the gayest. That had big gay energy, that outfit. That's why Little Nun was like, OK, I'm going to go with her. Oh my gosh, no. She looks so good. So good. Yeah, so good.

Also, we have to give it to little nuns. Just. Confidence to be like. Yeah. I'm not going to wipe you now, but one day I am like that. Also, it's just playing gay energy. I mean the big, big lesbian energy. Can I move in with you? Literally driving U-Haul, we're not even dating yet. That was insane. Gotta love that confidence. OK, so Caitlin, tell the listeners at home that made it this far, what is their secret word?

Today's secret word that you're supposed to not look up how to spell and use in a comment or review. It's funnier if it's a review is in honor of little known and the word is mischievous. That's a good one. Also for the loyal pin that's probably airing right now. Yeah. Yeah. It's mischievous. Yeah. I would love to see how you guys just if you can fit it into some kind of a sentence also, that would be great. But thank you guys for listening.

We will be back next time to continue our discussion of Blank, the series going on with season one, episode 2. And until next time, as the show gets Gayer gayer, keep hydrating for lesbian Jesus. You're gonna need it and get it up all over the place. Bye. And with that, we've been big gay energy. Thank you for listening. We'd really appreciate it if you downloaded this episode and left us a review. No matter how brief, your contribution will help us reach

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