Well, friends, we did it. We made it through a full season of the baroque, romantic nihilism that is "90 Day Fiancee". Thank you so much for joining us on this journey. It helped us through the pandemic. We hope that, in whatever small way, it did the same for you. All Music by Sean Cone
Sean and Lo put on frayed black sweaters and black lipstick and dive into the nihilism that is episode 16, part 1 of the tell-all. Lo perks up from her depression spiral when talk turns to plastic surgery and the tater tot that used to be Yara's nose. Sean and Lo pull up a seat with Mike and Natalie for the weirdest box lunch ever to be referred to as a "7" We had slight technical difficulties which compromised our sound quality. It is a potato. Like Yara's nose.
It's the (poorly planned) travel episode!! Sean and Lo pop into the Serbian Cecil to check in on Amira. Spoiler alert: she's not ok. Lo is distressed by Jovi's circuitous route to Vegas and the proliferation of Diner-saurs along the way. They follow Natalie's mystifying journey around Puget Sound with Tamara. They zoom off to Belize to hold Stephanie's novelty clutch and help her remain upright whilst Harris climbs a tree for her. Finally they end their journey at the La Quinta Inn in Virginia B...
Sean and Lo share a puke-scented early morning cab ride to the airport with Yara and Jovi, they land at Sequim International airport and rush to help Tamara clean out her car so she can fit Natalie's luggage inside after 90 Day Fiancee's WETTEST REVEAL EVER. Tarik and Hazel are still in the event horizon of the Minty vortex.
Sean and Lo say yes to wedding dress shopping with Julia, Natalie, and Yara. They go over to the men's section of the boutique to check on Tarik, but he doesn't need anyone's help to dress himself, much to Sean's chagrin. They strap on their tactical gear and get ready to lob hand grenades at strippers for Jovi's bachelor party. They learn that hand grenades are a beverage and that tactical vests are a great accessory for an evening at the Penthouse Club. So many pockets for those one dollar bil...
Sean and Lo stagger under the weight of Betty's bizarre lasagna, but decide they'd like catfish instead so they head over to Tarik and Hazel's. With their bellies full they join Zied's already in progress horse-petting bachelor party, which is crashed by Mike and Natalie. Sean, Lo, and Zied watch in horror as Mike and Natalie bring their own rotting corpse of a horse to the party and refuse to stop beating it.
Sean and Lo can't defeat Brandon "The Pull Out King" at Jenga. They grab a pug and head to Belize to see if they can yank Stephunie out of the Valley of the Dolls. After leaving her in the capable hands of Ry-Harris, they head on up to the bayou to go to Yara and Jovi's not-wedding-party. No one pukes on Yara so they call it a night.
Sean and Lo spend alot of time talking about scallops and the mystifying eyebrows of Jane the Hairdresser. Everyone is still horrible.
Sean and Lo pull up a chair with Ron, Betty and Brandon and dip vegan chicken wings in ranch as Brandon finagles his way into sharing a bed with Julia. They admire Jenna's henna freestyling skills as Yara and Jovi continue to sh*t on each other. Moist Incel Andrew continues to try to lure Amira to Serbia because he needs 2 more stamps on his vicarious detention center punch card before he can get his free soft serve. Apricot lets another shitty secret slip out like a fart in an elevator. Sean an...
Sean and Lo take a break from the slots to have dinner with Mike, Natalie and Trish. They grab a few complimentary hand towels and head on down to PeeVee to touch the ocean with Andrew. They hop in a super shuttle to pick up Jovi from the airport with Yara. Stephanie demonstrates the inefficacy of the shutterfly face mask. Sean and Lo masquerade as bovine hydrotherapy patients in an attempt to infiltrate the petting zoo from hell and rescue their beloved Julia.
Sean and Lo doff their swimsuits and get into the cloudy hot tub with Brandon and Julia for some therapy AND entertainment. Still moist and pruned they rush to Puerta Vallarta to have a sad, clammy cheeseburger with Andrew before they dry out. Then its off to do a wellness check on Zied who has been left alone and forlorn with only a shopping cart for company and entertainment. Natalie has been watching too much SATC and has gone full on Scarrie Bradshaw tearing Mike's stinky closet apart in a q...
Sean and Lo are trapped in Mike's closet, and it smells WEIRD. Yara has revelations during her pedicure with Sara. Lo shares important information about new technology in incontinence. Andrew is simply beside himself. Hazel meets Auri but her and Tarik still have Minty beef. Stephanie wants Ryan to learn to use a litter box.
Sean and Lo are worried about the fish. They search for answers in Stephanie's bucket of leftover syringes, and find clues that lead them to fields of snow which reveal themselves to be merely carpets. Rebecca is like Oogie Boogie, but instead of bugs she's oozing with shitty secrets. Julia is living a nightmarish sexual "Green Acres" scenario.
Sean and Lo grab their parkas and head out into the frigid desperation that is Mike and Natalie, they step on an errant syringe while hula hooping with Stephanie, they surreptitiously wipe street urine from their shoes on Yara's stupid rug. Lo talks about how her feelings toward Zied have changed since his makeover. Julia is everything.
Sean and Lo can hardly handle the Sequim of it all as Natalie faces off with Uncle Beau. Julia has a 3rd arm and is using it to pwn all her friends on instagram. Sean and Lo do hair math to try to figure out the bulk of Yara's leavings. Lo reveals to Sean that she has been secretly publishing Uncle Beau fan fiction.
THEY KNOW. IT'S BETTY. Sean and Lo bravely continue their journey deeper into the bowels of the 90 Day Universe. Be warned: This episode is HORNY. Things get graphic, and Sean and Lo use ALL the words. Topics of discussion include but are not limited to: Bonnie's cuckoo c**t Natalies big ol' t*dd**s Hazel's p****y horse How much they love the name Minty
Sean and Lo spend way too much time talking about Mike's hair, Jasmine's face, and Natalie's ovaries.
Sean and Lo buckle in for Season 8 of The Learning Channel's "90 Day Fiancé". They revel in the upward climb of meeting new denizens of the "90 Day Universe" and spending time with them before the inevitable descent into loathing. A new season brings with it excitement and so many questions. What kinds of stowaways are hidden in Yara's hair after her 30 hour journey? How much cocaine has been rubbed into Jovi's stunningly large gums?? Has Julia ever heard Cesar sing??? Is Brandon going to end up...
Sean and Lo finally realize that they hate everyone on the show except Syngin and Juliana. They meet Blake and Jasmine and are threatened with Angela and Michael.
Sean and Lo talk about Madonna's eyebrows and Emily's intestines.
Sean and Lo talk about Turkish pizza
Sean and Lo buckle in for some wild shit as they begin their descent into madness with Anna, Mursal, Robert, Anny, Michael, Julianna Hatfield, and a cavalcade of intensely clued in side characters. They've never watched "90 Day Fiancée" before and the feelings are big.
