Hi, I'm Britney Saunders and welcome to Big Business, the place where business is far from boring. And today I'm recording on gadigal Land. Now I somehow manage to build an empire from the garage underneath my house, and I'm here to share it all with you, from the winds, the losses, the huge mistakes, the challenging times and funny moments in between. So whether you're in business already, you're not in the game at all, or if you simply just want to hear the tea or get some inspiration,
this is the podcast for you. Now. Speaking of tea, I'm switching things up in this episode, and I mean, I guess you could say I'm spilling the tea on my life, but I have a lot of things to say about that, and I almost feel like this episode is going to be a form of therapy for me. And I've got producer Xander in the studio. You may jump in if you feel needed, but I'm going to
be talking about my personal life. And I was inspired to make this episode by a DM that I got from someone, so I thought I would start by reading out the message. So this kind of makes sense and then we'll get into it. I'm honestly kind of scared to do this episode the nurse, So shout out to Stephanie for sending me this DM on my Big Business Podcast Instagram page. Hey, loving the podcast. I'm so curious
about your upbringing. In one of your podcast episodes, you talk about how your mum was like, I don't care if you go to school or not. See if I care, And I'm just curious about if your family are also
in business or what their background is. I find it interesting both ways if someone either has come from smart parents who can pass on the wisdom or even just confident parents who really instill confidence, or I also find it interesting on the other end, if someone has come from parents with not a lot of knowledge around making money, or who's like my mum and themselves are extremely not confident people and can be negative. Just would love to know more about that in an episode if it happened
to fit into one. Thanks for the knowledge you're passing on. Love it. Thank you so much, Stephanie. I saw this DM and I thought that's a perfect topic for a podcast. I would love to talk about this because I often think and have thought so many times how interesting it is, how differently we are obviously all brought up, and then how that plays into, I guess essentially shaping us into
who we are as adults. And I think the way that I have been brought up by both of my parents definitely and obviously has shaped me into who I am today. And I think that applies to every single one of us. We are shaped by the people who raise us. But in my case, I would say it's not in the way that you would think, and I
think it's worth talking about. But in the same breath, you know, I'm always talking about personal branding and you know, making content online about your life, personal brand this and that. But over the years, especially since my YouTube days, I have become more and more private in a sense where I don't really talk about my feelings online or anything
that's happening in my personal life really. You know. I share bits and bobs on my Instagram story about my house and aj but that's really all anyone ever sees. And I think as I've gotten older, I have become a little more private and mindful of the personal things that I share online. And I don't know if that's like a maturity thing or just wanting a bit of privacy. But I definitely don't see my life being a topic
of gossip. But I just read that message and felt compelled to, I guess, talk about my family and the way that I was brought up and why I think I am the way that I am today. I want to start out this episode with a disclaimer or an acknowledgment, which I feel like I do in a lot of my episodes, to whoever is listening to this podcast. If you are in my life or part of my family, listen at your own risk. I'm not making this episode to shame anyone or make anyone look bad, because I
know everyone has their own issues. This is essentially just me talking about my experience and my upbringing and my childhood. Because who knows who's listening to this bloody podcast, And even though this is online and it almost doesn't feel real, I'm sure there's people that know me personally that will probably listen to this. So to put it in a nutshell, I have both of my parents to thank for who I am today one hundred percent. But it's not in
a positive way. And I hate to say this, but it's not in a way where and I wish it was, but I wish I could be saying I'm so thankful for the person that I am today because my parents have raised me to be who I am today. They have guided me and led me and supported me. It's actually the complete opposite. It's the other end of the scale. But I'm still thankful because hand on heart, I can say my parents have taught me everything I don't want
to be in a person everything. I do want to say as well that I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. I personally think that I have the most amazing life. Even though I have things missing in my life and I feel like there's parts of my life that I wish I had better. I do have an amazing life, and I've definitely learned since I was a kid that you can pick and choose who your family are. I know some people say that you can't, like you can't pick your family. Ah, in
my experience, you absolutely can. And I know that I am privilege and have this wonderful life. But I will say the one thing that I feel like I am missing in my life now and have missed my whole life. If I'm being honest or majority of it is awesome parents that I can share my successes with and the success of Fate with. I do want to address one thing, a comment that I've been getting a lot lately, and I'm not going to go into detail about it, but I have had a lot of people ask me where
is Chaz Who is my mum? As a lot of you would know, she was an employee of Fate and would show up on our social media every now and then in our reels and tiktoks and stuff. I just want to put it out there. As of last year, she's no longer working at Fate, and disappointingly, she's not in my life either. And that's all I'm going to say on that. It's not the business of everyone to know what happened or anything like that. You know, you can keep things private, and that is really kind of
a business and personal thing for me. I am extremely disappointed, but this isn't the first time that I have been in no contact with her, and I'm not surprised at the end of the day. And that's all I'm going to say about that, because it isn't really a topic of gossip. So let's take it back to my childhood. Now, this is stuff that I have spoken about on YouTube many many years ago. I opened up about my relationship with my dad and at the time a lot of
people resonated with that. So I know not all of you would have watched that particular video from eight or nine years ago, so I feel comfortable sharing the story again. But my childhood, in a nutshell, it was my sister and I and my mom and my dad. I don't have a single happy memory of my mom and dad being together. They divorced when I was nine. All my memories are of them is a lot of fighting, a lot of being locked in my room, getting sent to
my room without dinner. That's kind of my memory of them being together. I don't have one happy memory, like we never went on a holiday or anything like that. But in saying that, we did always have everything we wanted when we were kids. You know, I did dancing and had all nice clothes and beanie kids. If anyone remembers those things us to collect those. We always had nice things. But from memory, what I didn't have was any love from my parents, which I think is really important.
And it was always that way, and then it was kind of you know, the kids being thrown back and forth in between mum's house and Dad's house, and Dad had us every second weekend. That was like the custody thing. Every second weekend we were at Dad's and very quickly
my dad got with another woman. And I remember being really upset by that at the time because I was nine or ten and I couldn't really understand what was going on, but it was really upset by the fact that my dad had this new girlfriend, who was named Jackie. And I remember so specifically one time when Dad and Jackie were first dating. Obviously, you know, when you're in a new relationship, you try your hardest kind of thing,
like it's in that honeymoon phase or whatever. And I remember my dad went and purchased Jackie a gold watch and a matching bracelet. And I remember going home to my mum balling my eyes out, saying, why did he never buy you a gold watch and matching bracelet. I just so specifically remember that, and I remember just being really upset by the fact that my dad had a
new partner. I really come around to liking Jackie. She went from you know, because she had two kids as well, were the same age as my sister and I. They moved into our family home that Dad was still living in, so I was dealing with them taking our bedrooms and then we were just there every second weekend. It was an adjustment for any kid, and I went from kind of hating Jackie, being like who is this woman to
growing a really close bond with her. And it was also around this time when Dad and Jackie got together that I started having issues with my dad. I thought I would also do a little bit of a trigger warning to any of you that have had issues with your parents. I'm just going to talk a little bit about my relationship with my dad. If you don't want to hear about any of that, you may want to skip ahead or not listen to the episode. But it was around, you know, the ages of ten and eleven,
that my relationship with my dad became really toxic. And I think it was just to do with everything with Mum and Dad divorcing and then being split and the separate houses and then my stepmum coming into the picture. But he was always i would say, quite abusive and controlling, very emotionally manipulative, playing mind games and overall really horrible.
Even as I got older, like he would still threaten to hit me, but you know, it wasn't like full on punching, but it was like whacking even though I'm like ten, eleven, twelve kind of thing. And I think as I was getting older, I was realizing that this wasn't on and you know, it would be his weekend every second weekend, but if I did something that upset him, he would blow up and drop me back to my mom's. Like he would just palm me off kind of thing, even though it was meant to be his weekend kind
of thing. If he couldn't handle whatever it was that I was doing. And I wasn't a perfect child, like I was a little brat, but he would very easily just palm me off, like or he would call my mum and say, I'm fucking sick of her, where are you? I'm coming to meet you now, and he would just you know, drive like a madman to drop me back off to my mum when he couldn't star and me anymore or whatever. We went through a few stints of not talking, like going no contact so here and there.
We'd go like two months of not seeing each other, three months sometimes six months over various things, and I guess Jackie was there to experience all of that with me. Like I wouldn't see Jackie and my stepbrother and stepsister for those periods of time, and then i'd eventually go back, like he'd call me up and say, oh, do you want to come back, And we'd never talk about anything that happened. It was always like we just brushed it under the rug kind of thing. And anyway, to cut
a long story short, because this spanned over years. When I was fourteen, my dad had an affair on Jackie, my step mom, who by this point i'd grown really close to. I was fourteen, this is when I got my first job, and that was like the cherry on the cake was him having an affair, and it was
really messy as well. He got me and my sister involved, and he took us to meet his new girlfriend and like introduced us, and I was old enough to go, this is wrong, Like he's taken us from the home that we were all living in with my step mom to meet this new woman and he was raving about her, saying how wonderful she is, and I'm fourteen, going, this is not on, Like you're married to my stepmom and you're introducing us as eleven and fourteen year olds to
your new girlfriend. It was just messy. It dragged on for a couple of months, and I got really caught up in it because I was at the house that we lived in with Jackie. I might have even been living with them at the time and dealing with him like coming in, going from the other woman's house and coming home. And eventually, after all this shit like this spanned across a while, him and Jackie got a divorce and she moved out of our family home and I
helped her move out. That was when my dad, I guess, abandoned me for good. I was to never hear from him again, but plot twist coming soon. I remember calling him in that first year of him not talking to me because he'd moved on with the woman that he had the affair with, and I would call him on the home phone bawling my eyes out, and he would say to me, you're not my daughter anymore. And a lot of things have stuck with me that he said
to me. Even before that, when he used to be really horrible and nasty, he would say things to me like you're going to amount to nothing, You're going to be a no one and those things I've never ever forgotten. And when I think back to it, I think the reason I am the way that I am is because of a lot of what he said and did to me. In those early teenage years, I really struggled. I couldn't go to school. I've never cried so much in my life in those years, and I often think, is that
why I don't really have that many emotions today. I feel like I got all my tears out fourteen fifteen sixteen, And during this time, if I'm being completely honest, I didn't feel like I had any support from my mum. It was very much if I'd be laying in bed crying about Dad not talking to me for the last two years, I'd be like, yeah, over it. He's a fucking dickhead anyway, because you know, understandably that's her ex
husband that she absolutely hates. But there was never any compassion towards the fact that I'd essentially lost my dad, and I don't know, I didn't feel supported in that. My relationship with my mum also became really rocky. We fought a lot, clashed heads. I moved out with a high school boyfriend at one point when I was sixteen, without going into too much detail. As well as having a really rocky relationship with my dad in my earlier years, I also had the same kind of issues with my
mum as well. We would go through periods of absolutely clashing heads. I would say, my mom and I have never had a loving relationship. I've always wished that we did, and I honestly feel like that's what I have missed my whole life. I then moved out of home when I was seventeen. I couldn't wait to move out, and I think dealing with tough relationships with my parents forced me to really become independent from a young age. And I think this is where the whole entrepreneurship thing comes
into play as well. But from a really young age, I felt like I became mature and had gone through a lot of things and felt like I could be out on my own. Honestly, from a teenager, I felt like I had no other option than to just vend for myself. I never really felt supported by either of my parents or encouraged at all in anything, and I often wonder I wonder how different my life would be if I had parents that were supportive and encouraged me
to do things. I always think, what have I ended up going to university and went down a completely different career path? Like who knows? Isn't it funny how the way that our family can essentially shape us into who we are, and if they were slightly different, my life could be completely different. But the one person I will say that stayed supportive to me and has been one of the most loving and mother figures in my life
even up until this day is Jackie, my stepmom. So her and dad divorced when I was fourteen, and to this day she is my step mom. I know she listens to my podcast, So shout out to you, Jackie. Even though I haven't grown up with supportive parents, Jackie has been that supportive parent figure to me and still is to this day. I still call her my stepmom even though they divorced over fifteen years ago. I'm like, yeah, that's my stepmom and people like, what your step mom?
So I really have her to thank for a lot. Her and I were meant to meet by my dad and her getting married and getting divorced because we've both won in that instance. Fast forward back to my whole dad situation. I really thought that that was it for him and I my whole life from the ages of fourteen up and not last year, but the year before. He called me and he said he was sorry, which
I never thought would happen. I remember I was at the warehouse and my phone rang and it was him, and he said, I just want to call and I want to say I'm sorry. He did say I don't want to talk about anything that happened, and I'm like, of course, typical, typical. But I did get an apology, which I was, I guess a little relieved to hear. I didn't know how to feel at the time. I was at work, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
And he said he knows that nothing will ever be the same because we have honestly not been in each other's lives for fifteen years.
Hello producers, Andy heard jumping in with a question. Do you think that your dad contacted you after all these years because he saw the success that you've had. Do you think that if you had had this success, would he have reached out the way he did.
I think he would have regardless, because I guess I missed one point here. He broke up with the woman that he had the affair with, and it was after that that he contacted me. And he also has a really wonderful, nice girlfriend now and I have a feeling that she has played a huge part in him contacting me. So that was a year and a half ago that he reached out, and I've seen him maybe less than
five times since then. I actually went out for dinner with him and his new partner, and I took AJ, and we were both a little bit nervous before we went, and AJ was sculling some peers because he's like, I'm meeting your dad for the first time, and you know, AJ and I've been together for like six years by this point or whatever. So AJ got a little bit pissed before we went to the dinner, and it was
honestly great. We just talked about everything in life, and I had wondered if he had told his new partner that I hadn't been in contact with him for fifteen years, Like that's what I was wondering before I went to the dinner. But she did say things and was asking me questions which made me realize she knows that we haven't been in each other's lives for fifteen years, which I thought was a good thing. Does she know everything that happened? No, but that's fine. She might now if
she's listening. That's why. Ah. And I'll tell you one thing that I did that really made me feel powerful and I felt like I claimed my position. We went out for this lovely dinner, cocktails, food share plates, a whole lot at this really nice place, and then at the end, I said, I've got the I've got it, Like I just really wanted to fucking say, don't you worry, guys, this dinner's what four hundred bucks? Five hundred bucks? I
fucking got it. And I tapped my card in front of them both, and it was just like a real powerful moment for me to be like yeah, And I guess it was therapy for me in a way to talk to my dad's new partner about everything that I do. And she has an amazing job and she seems really switched on. So we were talking about everything from staffing and companies, and she was really engaging with me in
this conversation. I could see my dad sitting there looking at me, and I feel like he was in awe a little bit, and I felt really powerful in that moment. I never thought in a million years that my dad would ever come back into the picture because it had been, you know, fifteen years, and I'm happy to have him in the picture at the distance that we have now. As he said, nothing's ever gonna be the same. But now you know, we send each other happy Birthday message,
we send each other Merry Christmas. I'm happy with that. Have I forgiven him for everything? I'm beyond even forgiveness. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel like I'm beyond that everything that I've built in my entire life, essentially without the support of either of my parents, to the point where I know that I am fine without them in my life if they weren't. So I don't know if I forgive him, because I think I got over that resentment a really long time ago.
I'm kind of just at peace now. Before I recorded this podcast, I actually did a bit of research online. I was googling what are the links between not so great parenting and people becoming entrepreneurs.
Do you think that because of your relationship with your parents and your upbringing, that that is the reason you have such a drive and motivation to succeed.
Now, I definitely do, and I've thought about that a lot, And there's been a lot of studies that people that have faced adversity can become really powerful entrepreneurs. And I do think that having rocky relationships with both of my parents and feeling extremely abandoned by both of them on a multitude of occasions throughout my life has definitely led me to be the way that I am. And I've often thought, I think maybe it's all because of them
that I am the way that I am now. The reason why I want to keep striving and achieving and pushing myself and doing the next crazy thing. I often wonder deep down in my brain. I've never been to therapy, but deep down in my brain, is this my motivation? Is this the reason why I keep striving? Am I trying to prove something, you know, to myself that I can do it on my own? Or am I subconsciously trying to prove it to them that fuck you and
I can do this? You know? I think that's where my motivation deep down comes from.
Was there a moment during Fate's growth where you were like, I would have love to have shared this with my.
Parents every day. That's the one thing I wish I had in my life. I've got a lot of amazing things. I have Jackie, my step mom. I have Nan, who is my mum's mum who everyone knows. I've got a j the most wonderful partner ever. I've got this booming business with amazing employees, and without coming across Hoffy toffee, as my Nan would say, like I'm in a financially
I'm in a financially wonderful position. And I think the thing that I'm missing in my life or I wish I had, was parents that could enjoy this with me. I would love to have parents that I could spoil rotten. I'd love to take my parents on a holiday. And I just don't think at any point in my life, I've ever felt like I really had that. And I felt like I was trying to do that with my mum by giving her a job and a house. Obviously, I'm not going to talk about that, but I feel
like that just backfired on me. It's fucking disappointing. And the other thing that really upsets me too is I have a lot of people that follow me who are my mom's age. I have a lot of mums following me, and I don't remember where I was the other day, I was somewhere with AJ and I ran into this
lady like we're in a busy area. I don't know if we're like a restaurant, a cafe or whatever, a bar, And this lady who looked about my mom's age or maybe she was in her fifties or something, she was walking by and she's like, I love you, I love your videos, I love your business. You should be so proud of yourself. Like this is just some random, you know, fifty something woman, And that happens every now and then, Like I ran into older people who follow my.
With usked the other day at lunch.
Yeah, exactly, and people on the street say that, and it really like hits me hard when it's someone who is the same age as my parents when they say you should be so proud of yourself, and like, I'm so proud of you, like a fucking random I always get upset in that moment because obviously that's beautiful of someone to say, but I'm like, fuck, I don't have that in my life personally, and it's just like what a waste. What a wasted opportunity.
Do you have advice for anyone who is out and now who's study a business who doesn't have a very strong support system, Do you have any advice on how they navigate that and like where do they kind of gather that strength to kind of persevere? You know, I guess that's quite a personal thing. But if you could kind of pinpoint something to pass on that same motivation that you have had, what would that be.
Definitely lean on other people in your life that aren't your direct family. I've done that since I was young, since Jackie came into my life, she has been my go to and I guess I've found it in other people as well. And then it gets me thinking, maybe that's why I always had a boyfriend, Like maybe I was always looking for someone to lean on because I didn't feel like I had anyone else to But I would say, embrace those people that are in your life.
You can make your friends your family one hundred percent. I know some people say you can't poo can choose your family. In my opinion, you absolutely can, and just back yourself. I feel like, especially going back to my childhood with my dad and everything, that happened. I could have went one way or the other. So glad that I went the other way in the direction that I did. Don't get me wrong, I was fucking devastated for years. I couldn't even get out of bed when I was
like a teenager in high school. But I don't know. I guess I believed in myself and pushed myself, and if anything, I found it to be the fuel to my fire. And I think that's why, really deep down I have achieved everything that I have is just by backing myself and believing myself. And I think when you try things the way that I have, and you continually prove to yourself that you can achieve things, it just pushes you to keep wanting to go further. So yeah, I guess that would be my advice.
I just have to say, as your friend and your producer and on behalf of all of the people that support you in your business in your personal life, that it is a real testament to hear you say what you've said today and see the person that you've become, because it would have been very easy for you to have gone the complete obosit direction, like you said before, and a lot of people do, and a lot of
people struggle to break that cycle. Yes, and I think that you are a really great example for especially women, but kind of anyone out there who's in similar situations and haven't had easy upbringings that you can completely turn your life around and you can grab it by the rains and really make something incredible out of it. And I've had a great upbringing, but you like inspire even me that I can take life by the rains. So on, behalf of everyone listening and he supports his podcast. Thank
you for that. Thanks just being a really great, lovely person for everyone. Stop it.
Oh well, I'm so glad to have spoken about this on the podcast. I don't share my feelings often, and I feel like this was kind of harder to talk about than I thought it would be. I'm usually so confident with everything I say, but with this, obviously, you know,
I don't speak about this kind of stuff often. But yeah, that's great advice from you, Xander to anyone out there who is facing adversity with your family or your support network, fucking grab your life by the reins and fucking go for it, because that's what I do, and that may be the reason why I do it, but I've absolutely made the most out of it, and I think I've proven to myself that I can achieve anything and I don't need as much as I would love to have
that support there. I can do it on my own anyway, my friends. That is that for today's episode of Big Business, I feel like I'm ending with a different feeling to how I normally do. Usually I'm feeling luck. I don't know I'm feeling different today, but let's end the episode with your tip of the week. My tip of the week on the theme of this whole episode is lean
on those around you. There are people out there who absolutely love you and would love for you to lean on them, and you're not a bother to them anyway, my friends. As a way, I hope you've enjoyed listening. If you haven't already, feel free to hit me with a star rating on my pod, specifically five stars, but I don't accept anything other than but only five. You heard it here first, and feel free to stay up
to date with me on socials. You all know my name, that's the name of my main account, but also feel free to jump over to my Big Business Instagram account, where you can also contact me message me and thank you again so much Stephanie for sending through your question in my DMS, which has completely inspired this episode. And I hope after listening to this you know me a little better as well as my business journey and the
whole thing of fate after listening. So I'll be back on Wednesday with my bonus episode and every week after that.