I can't spend it tunity here.
This place.
It reads fish.
Get this? What is this?
Naughty Pye. The Black Fat Fem Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio and Doctor John Paul LLC. Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of The Blackfatfem Podcast, where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. I am one of your hosts, John also known as Doctor John Paul.
And you heard it at the top of the show.
What you heard is not only the one and only Jessica Lane giving us an iconique performance as Fiona Good in America Horror Story.
Mama had had it.
She had reached her peak in that moment, she said, so for ya, okay, So let me for those who don't get the reference in her season, Mama was sent to hell for all this shit's and it's not lost on me that her name was Fiona Good even though she was the most evil person in that season of that show. But anyway, it's American Horror Story coming and literally, Mama was just given the energy that I'm given today.
What is this not a pie?
Because Nigga, we are in Hell. I asked folks last week if they could tell, like if they would tell me if we were really in hell, and people like responded back to me and was like, how do we not know?
Like, yes, nigga, we are in hell.
And so today I'm just sitting with the fact that, right I'm sitting with the fact that Jessica Lang told us that we what is this?
Not a pie?
Literally, I'm gonna be screaming at all weekend what is this? It takes me down every time. The way she said it was just so classic. But anyway, how are you my sister? You know?
I am that? So that's what you said? That was like, what the fuck? Does? It? Just shut me? But also and make me think of that pisode we did with XD, the Personal helpisode.
I'm like, yeah, this is a good moment to bring to bring that one back for them.
Fam. It's Jordan ak your boo jo hoo aka giving us Ray Charles today. And at this point, I feel like.
Twenty five I'm giving it. It's giving a switch up, like I need twenty twenty five. I'm going to I'm going to I don't really I'm gonna become masked. I'm gonna like, I'm like I'm start like playing football and ship and being like but the show.
How we going to Black Firs film? If you.
Like?
How's that going?
I didn't think about that, bitch, I didn't. Deemi got me on that one show. No, No, I can't. Why are you trying to limit me?
I wouldn't say. I think you have to. It'll have to be a balance. You'll have to You'll have to not you back in your.
I think about that. Bas She really got on the one thing about that. How would I? Maybe you know what, Maybe I'll come in with like a queen. Maybe I'll get like vocal surgery and I'll be like, here.
You're still giving. Yeah, it'll be butch fam Okay.
It'll be giving.
It'll be who there's there's a drag queen, the bearded queen. It'll be Yeah, it'll be given that.
I agree. I lives y'all. This this episode is gonna be a fun episode for you.
Today we're gonna we're gonna talk all about recapping the past year for close out the rest of twenty twenty. So this week to hairy segment, we're gonna honor our girl to Cambo and asked what did we really survive this year?
How are we still here? Also broke this is real.
Quick shout out to our good friend Trel Anderson because I had it into them last week event for a national sossion about juralists in l A.
And the singer has just popped out.
I'm started screaming and pointing at me.
Still that.
Man.
So but yeah, so we read about the way to what weakes about. I know, for me, I really survived, Like I don't want to get so deep with y'all, but I'm like, I'm gonna deep with y'all. I survived a really challenging friend breakup, which is really hard. Like no one tells you friend breakups so hard. He can hurt worse than like real. I mean, yes, but they are big as be rough because those are people that you think you think they're gonna be a rock. And
this for this breakup really ten tested me. And I was worrying about what the fallout might be with the surrounding friends because they'd be a whole friend group and we had like there's a dramma and the friend group and I wasn't part of this, Like yeah, that's why you can't have gays with your friends. Because these games
were crazy. These games are trying to murder me. But as it dragged on and became more and more clear that like, I only have a lot to fear when it came to this person, and are you bringing about from make up?
Like and did? It was a mess.
It was a lot of messiness, but it ended with both of us saying like, listen, like I care for you, and I hope you're gonna do well, but I just know that it's not it's it won't be healthy for me to be a part of that growth for you and that posse o.
Pause.
So I got I have I do have some messages. I'm gonna say, I want to get into some messages. I do have some questions. Okay, So my first question is is this friend or I put quotations around friends. Is this the girl that you had mentioned about that story who wanted to sleep with the person that you were interested in?
We know, first of all met Me and him are not friends.
Okay, colleagues and okay, okay, so you know I would never let some I've never let some like that.
Okay, I know that's right. Okay, So I'm just trying.
I'm asking questions from no, no, no, good question, good question.
You and the other guy as well to let me don't even sorry, because the other guy was still right.
No, see, one one day we're gonna start.
So one day we're gonna get in our bag and we will start a Patreon and then that'll be where we keep all those stories behind the actual paywall, so that way we don't get you or anybody else canceled. The other question that I have is have I ever met this person?
You have not? You have not?
Okay?
Good, okay, because I didn't want to have to go through my socials and delete them to no.
No, I mean honestly, and I feel like if you have met them, like you wouldn't even wanted to up with them, Like.
I probably would have clocked them up.
Early for sure. Like it's just like they like their energy. Their energy wouldn't have been welcoming. I think, like, uh, basically, what.
You're saying, m okay, well good, I'm glad that you got them up out out of your energy.
Was that? What was it that said, don't give a fuck up by my house and get the fuck up by my house?
Yes, yes, yes, yeah, yes, Sometimes you got to tell people to grab their bags and go.
You got you gotta hit them with the viola.
Davis, you just gotta grab your bag and get up and and you know, and kind of walk, you know a way. Sometimes it be that way sometimes, but I'm happy. I'll say this so for anybody listening, and also for you, Joe Hoo, this is just a word, you know. I So I made a note about this too, because as you're talking about this this year, I went through the
same thing last year. There was somebody who I thought I wouldn't say I was close to, but I thought I was really cool with and then they hit me with a I don't think I want to be your friend anymore. And I was like, oh shit, okay, So I remember that being it was actually two people, So I had two people hit me with that, and it did feel a little bit of a It felt like
a thing. But I think once you get over the hump of it, you kind of recognize, like, oh, okay, maybe there was something that you there's something about you and your light that triggered that person to become who they are, or maybe they were just a villain at the top of the story in general, and sometimes they just needed to be removed, and so you're just making room for other people you know, So.
Now do I know the person that you had them?
No, I don't think you know. I don't think you know either one of them. One person I was introduced to through another person, and then the other person was somebody that I knew from just general like my life
working in student affairs. They were someone who had become my friend, and then over time I just started to realize that they were part of They were one of the people that were like feeding into kind of the They were feeding into a lot of the stuff that was happening, and and and to be clear, they were
never nice to me. I always just was like I was always cordial to them, thinking that, okay, if I'm cordial to them, then you know, it won't create any other tensions than any of the others because we ran in the same spaces.
And then it'sicially just one day, I you.
Know, I jumped in their inbox and I basically just went off and I said, you're a bum bitch, and I know what you're doing, I know what you've been doing, and you'll never be the girl you think you're going to.
Be because of you are.
It's you just gotta let people know you know, sometimes you just gotta let the niggas know what I will say to your point. So I appreciate you saying this because I think there are a lot of people who are going into next year kind of reassess. It's funny because I was on on threads. I saw a thread of this, of people being like, you know, you know, sometimes you got to clean up and clean out your space.
And I've been thinking about that a lot. But what I will say for me, what I survived outside of the friendship thing, I think it really feeds into a lot of this year. I survived just being And I don't know how much you feel this, but I know I feel it, and I've talked to other creatives who feel this way. I feel like I survived being a
creative in a really fucked up industry. And what I mean that is it's not even just fucking like it's it was fucked up before the pandemic, and then like the pandemic hit, and then like it got even more fucked up, and then we had all of like the you know we had basically in twenty twenty three, we had the major shutdown of like people basically protesting and marching and saying like, yo, we need to be paid, right, and then we have the actual like shutdown of the
entertainment industry and it just and it just and it feels like ever since, you know, everyone started talking about the strikes, more and more of like execs have become more and more awful and the ways that the system and when I say creative, I'm talking about movies, I'm talking about podcasting, I'm talking about there's anything in the creative circle, right, I feel like there are some execs.
I don't want to say all execs, because there are some really good execs, some execs who I'm really close and good friends with and have had my back and it's one of the reasons why I'm still working, right, you know, shout out to Will, shout out to Miles, shout out to you know, a lot of people that I know who are who have been really just keeping you know, who've been keeping my pocket line with work.
So I do want to say, like I don't I don't want to make a general sweeping comment that all execs are terrible, but I do feel like there are a lot of execs who are like, oh, well, if y'all are going to talk about how bad this industry is.
Then I'll just stand my villain, you know, era, and I'll make it even work, you know.
And so I say that, you know, I survived it, And what I mean by that is, you know, we still have a show. Thank you Will for keeping our show up. Thank you Anna, Thank you Bay for continuing to believe in our show and continuing to keep pushing
you know, what we're doing over here with BFF. But also like just you know, continuing to prosper in an industry that said, you know, basically that doesn't want to do anything with us, right, you know the fact that there's so many people who are trying to eradicate DEI and I'm still speaking, I'm still traveling, I'm still working, I'm you know, getting our show renewed, really even thinking about selling a book in a publishing industry that genuinely told me for two and a half three years that
my book would never be good enough to say, right, Like, the bottom line is that I and we survived in moments, you know, of an unintentional and intentional erasure. But it's exhausting, and I think that's the other thing I really, I really wish we had more time, I wish, So I'll say this, I wish slash. I understand the importance of wanting to get into it, but I also understand the
importance of why we haven't. But I do want to say, like, I feel like a collective tired that many of us have, but also this collective energy of being like we know that we can't stop anytime soon, because those in power who want to get rid of us will only get worse if we stop what we're doing, if we stop stop, if we stop showing up, if we stop writing, right. So yeah, and then to add to that, I lost my agent what oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
There was a whole to do around, you know, losing my agent too. So it was like it just it felt like you know, I I do want to say this without getting too deep, and I'll talk about a little bit later on the show, but just there was a lot of loss this year for me and and finding the gumption.
I think that's the right word. I've been using that word.
I need m want to get up, to keep going when you constantly feel like my god, what else?
You know, what else?
But anyway, you know, I believe with my book coming out and knowing it's going to get banned. It's it's making room for you know, other great things that are will potentially come through, not only just for me, but come through for all of us. So I just kind of want to say that I think that that this
year has been a lot of that. It's like traversing loss in a much bigger way and then also trying to figure out how do I continue to find the energy to keep going in spaces and in places that are intentionally keeping out of.
It, you know.
So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. But anyway, with that, band said, we're about to jump into some fun so we got to take a quick break, but when we get back, we will come back with some fun mess not a pan.
All right, y'all.
So this week we want to go ahead and jump into this. You know, we honestly wanted to say it's the end of the year. This will be the last episode of the year for us before we jump into you know, new topics and new things. And so even though twenty twenty four was a raggedy bitch, honestly, it feels like every year has been that.
But there's still been a.
Lot of talk about growth, not only just between us as people, but us in life. Right, we all are becoming older, were becoming adults, and one of the things that I wanted to talk about and I ran this pipe by you, Joho, and I'm so happy that you obliged and said, yes, let's jump into this. We knowing all of the things that we've had to go through in all of the ways that we've gotten grown, the one thing that we have not talked about on the show is all of the stuff that adulting did not
prepare us for. I wanted to pose that question to you to just kind of talk through some of the things that you feel like life slash your mom or maybe even your dad, or even maybe your brothers and sisters, right because I know some of them are older, then help you. And there are a lot of people around me who were adults, and I would hear them complain about stuff, but they never sat down with me and said, look, girl,
this is what it means to be an adult. And so I just you know, I really wanted to dig into that. So I know you have some thoughts. I would love to kind of like what all talked about, and then I'll I'll I'll enter my own and then we'll so tell me what's what's on your mind? What are some of the things that life and adults and did not prepare you for.
Okay, so the first thing, and this is not on the list of right now, but like, no one's that life is ghetto.
Like no one told me that life is good.
No one was like girl, like like like you're growing up. Like my mom was always like you live, you die,
you pay taxes and that's it. And I was like, yeah, I get it, but no one somebody that was like no, but like life is good like and like and like not ghettoing like the fun way and like like like like like ghetto as in like ooh girl, the getto like it's just not no one in my life is just trash like not like life is trash and always but just like things get harder, your body, your body gets more rickety and stuff, people be people be sucking.
And also no one told me that, no one, no one that day that actually no one has to out like I might here thinking as a kid that everyone got together. Everyone's just like being a self sufficient independent girl, but no, people don't put together like no one does.
You know.
I mean, there are people who have more more have it more together than others, but I wish everyone tide. My dad was like, actually, no one knows what no one knows what they're doing. Like it wasn't until last year where someone someone's like, you know, twenties are the teenagers of adulthood, and thirties are like when you actually have like some adult adulthood. I was like, oh my god, this was so much sense because twenties felt like I was like, why not like a teenager? Just like, I'm
just a teen who can drink. It's really all that means to me?
Really, yes, for me to buy a cigarettes to drink, it's.
Really is So.
I also would say, salaries and taxes, girl, they shouldn't make no sense.
How you gonna tell me I'm making like what adie?
But how can I say, like, oh, you salaries a DK but she we only getting only get fifty five K after taxes and stuff.
But I rent application after my gross income. That's grosser. You ask me that because you know, I'm.
Like, what like when when they say you say that deck can ratio for housing, but of your gross income, that makes no sense? Like that makes no sense because I just I can't because I can't like gross income. Like, first of all, if we're gonna play that game, then then we should have it should be a gross rent, should gross reatement because then as you thinking a percentage of the rent, be like if I that is, that's right?
Right? Like, no, you're not wrong.
And so you know what, I'm glad that we I'm glad that we started here because I've been sitting on this for a couple of months. You know, so a lot of people know that. Earlier this year, me and Jonathan started talking about wanting to buy a home, and you know, we dived into the process, we started going through all of that. And when the man started breaking down all of this stuff, even in my head as somebody who makes so I'm just gonna be transmitted. I'm
me and my husband. Between the two of us at this point in time, we make good money. We make okay money between the two of us. And when he started breaking stuff down, I was like, none of this ship makes sense because why why do I have to make this? Why do I need to be making this amount of money to afford this mortgage when I make more than what you're already saying that I need to make well, you also have to consider this, and we have to consider that. And I'm like, nobody doesn't have
no debt. Like there's body in this country, whether it be student loan debt, whether it be car loan debt, whether it be home like other you know past previously, nobody, nobody is not carrying any debt, medical debt.
Shout out to those who are dealing.
I'm not gonna say, right like, shout out to those who feel it right. So I'm just saying, like, there's just so there's so many ways that and especially when you start talking about housing and so, like, there used to be a part of me that was like I like, when I was younger, I would shit on people who
were houseless because you know, I didn't know better. But now as an adult, I sit around and I go, I understand why someone could be houseless, right, especially if it's easy to be houseless if you if you're only making and that's the thing no one talks about too if you look so you let's break it down. I'm not gonna tell people how much I make because I don't want none of you'all niggas asking me for money.
But what I will say is this, if you only make four thousand dollars a month take home, it's like your growth could be six or seven. But if they're taxing your what you take home and you're only seeing four thousand of that a month and your rent is three thousand dollars, but what the fuck?
Like you can't save, you can't you can't live like, you can't you can't eat like you have no, you have nothing, like it's like and the world's just set up to like make you stuff there in that way, yeah, which.
Is so, and you do your job because you can't save and what you only have what ten thousand like I mean, I mean, if you're lucky, you only have what five to ten thousand dollars saved?
Okay, And so like that's nothing.
That's like, no one told me that thousand dollars was actually not that much, Like well, no, it's not, by the way, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like one K that like noth that's nothing much. But like the grand scheme, like oh, one K does not even cover a bill sometimes for people one hundred dollars.
Really, if you really want to talk about it, as an adult.
But basically just like monopoly money, like what are you doing this?
It is nothing a thousand dollars?
Let me says more about howmony? Because I know you did it. You did it.
Yes, you talk about it because you every want.
And everyone be talking about how homany is the one place where where your rental your rental increase.
That's a lie.
It's a lie.
What if I increase when I paying.
Through him abouts more next year than that I did my first year because probably taxes, like like for what what?
Like what?
Probably taxing is increasing and for what? Like what I don't understand what's happening here? What does this even mean?
Girl? What? And why?
I will say that's the part of being an adult is asking that question often for what for what? You literally are looking at bills and you're literally looking at stuff and you're going, what the fuck is this for? Like why this this? Even thinking about it? Like, let's talk about it. You know, I'm a door dash girl. I door dash everything, and I know it's terrible and no entail. But even when you door dash and you look at like those things, you're like, what is this for?
What is this?
And some some sore friends they charge more for, but they charge more for on delivery than they do on paper.
And I'm like what, like you're gonna you are what You're not spending this? Like what is happening? Why being more for delivery for girl?
Like the whole point is, don't want East convenience, but you're charged me through boucks extra for a sausage body, girl, it's the same sausage poty I get. Dare I say less sasage batty? Lord knows you give me less food when I do?
When I do, take.
Gonna be wrong. Your mill is gonna be what No matter what you do, your mill is gonna be brought me played.
Also, let's talk about owning your own business.
Yeah, this makes I.
Just to this day like when my when I go to my account and they talk to me about like the things I could do or not do.
I understand test. I don't know a t. I don't know how that works.
Like I just know I use this money I'm making or not, Like what do I use it? But I don't.
Yeah for things? Why can't you say for like why can't buy myself with it? Like what? But like I'm like, this makes this makes no sense like the hope I'm having a business card.
I'm like, wait, so okay, I want to use it, then you gotta classify encoded.
Girl for what?
And you just reminded me I have to print out all my statements to get over to my accountant just to make sure that we don't have any problems at the top of the year.
I'm gonna do that though during the breaking.
To me, I'm soone serious. I never save a ricist. I'm like, I.
Literally not to do.
I'm like, for what, I.
Will say, that's the accountants job. They need to take out where that money came from. That is not my job.
To do it.
That's what I pay you to do.
Girls. It says on the statement what I thought and when?
Why to do stuff with my with my accounts, Girl, that's between you and us.
Saying that ain't with me you figure out.
I'm like the receipt the statement literally says Taco Bell, why a receipt?
Which location is?
Girl?
No, it's not a regardless.
All of these cards are coming out of this account. And I will say this too. One thing that people you know, I will say, I hear I, well, I used, I would say we used to because I'm not on Twitter anymore. But I remember when we were on Twitter, a big thing that everybody kept saying, well, start your own business, so you got to be your own ball. So you got to do all of that. And I always like to tell people. I tell people like, if you start your own LLC, You've got And I've learned this.
I learned this from fran I learned this listening to Dustin. I learned this listening to you know, XD and even hearing Jaye talk about it, you know, especially being a freelancer, I think to an extent, right, I know, you still do some stuff that's freelance. I would say probably at this point, I would say, you know, fifty fifty percent of my income is a full time job. The other
fifty percent of my income is still contracts. I'm still on, I like on three different contracts right now, and that money will come right and people will be like, yeah, John, you make a lot of money, and I'm like, I do make a lot of money. But what you don't know is that I also pay a lot in taxes when March and April come around, and so you can look at my statements and you'll see that yes, there. It may look like I have money saved, but a
lot of that money is a nest egg. And so I like to tell people like being an adult is really being smart about you know, the ways and why you spend. And so people even sometimes will judge me because they'll see, you know, I have luxury stuff, and so people will be like, oh, look at John. John has something as super luxurier, and I'm like, babe, I'm like the more like sometimes and I'm not saying I mean I could be cheaper about some of the stuff I spend. H I spend a lot of money on bags.
I know it's a problem, but what I'm saying is like to spend two thousand dollars as a bag that I can give myself as a business will in turn cost me less when it comes to tax time at the you know, at the end of the year slash
early next year. And so sometimes and not all the time, like what he said, sometimes you have to be strategic about where you're spending your money as someone who owns a business, because if you don't, you'll end up spending a lot of money in taxes and it'll end up being money that you don't end up seeing spend if that makes sense.
Yeah, it's all good. My last my last thing that I.
Think very fo is just uh, cooking for yourself every day, well on our workday, and no one tells me, no one. No one tells me time management skills in school, no adult. And now I'm my damn I And I'm like and like, my parents really had to get like how do all this stuff for me themselves? That is actually why? And like and like and they could this ship has how
do you re think of having kids? Like I want to have get somebody and I'm like, wait, I have to get get myself up, get your ass up, make you take your school, make your lunch, the process and overtaking your school.
Then like then pick you up, take you on, make dinner for you, and then live my own lite.
Where do Let me tell you something.
The one thing that doctor Raggans is never doing in his lifetime is having children because I just like the thought of and I say this not to shit on people who have children that listen to the show. I
love the thought of having kids. I think having kids would be fantastic if we lived in a different if we lived on a different timeline, but I think right now, with everything going on with how expensive it is, and then even thinking about this idea of like my my mental health not being as stable as I would like it to be. I just think the thought of having a child on top of having to work as much as I work to keep the income coming in and dealing with all the other shit I have to deal
with as a black, fat queer person. Nah, I'm good. Yeah, And I tell people all the time, y'all think I'm rich. It's just I don't have no kids. I literally said it all the time. I am not rich. I just don't have children. And so that's literally what it is.
Like.
It may look like I'm oh John's floss. No, John just made a decision to not have children. And I you know, I shout out to people who do. But I have friends who have told me, you know, to my face, like if I could do it all over again, I would never do it. And you know, it's just I'm glad that God gave me the alternate. You know, he gave me everything that I needed, you know, to lack demands. He told me to be involved with that.
I said, thank you God, thank you Jesus. She knows sometimes she knows what she's doing up there for me. So these are my these are my listings, and then we'll take a quick break and then uh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I put on my list the cost of towels, rugs and other shit for your home. Let's talk about that, because why are rugs seventy somethings for a small area rug?
No?
Okay, because why like why I spend through hair Bucks on this on this like it's nice rug? Sure bike for fabric. It's a piece of fabric.
Is one hundred and something dollars if you do not buy it from a place where it's on sale. Like all of our rugs are either from Amazon or from not Home Goods.
What's that other one?
Big Lots because big be the only place that has decent stuff at a decent price.
But my god, maybe this is expensive?
Is the way the way I said likely? But like I had I had this west Elm rug that my friend had, my friend had give gave me given like like like I am paid for it. It was free for me, it was five high for her, free for me. And the way and the way that I was like, I don't like.
Like like like I had apart with it. Now I want to part with it because it's West Elm and I'm like it tree for me.
But the principal it's a raggedy it's it's become a raggedy run now like it's and stuff.
It's not, it's not in your mind. I was like this and I saw I was like, girl has to go. It has to go. Yeah street, So.
I paid, So Chris, we're gonna cut here. Chris, I need you to bleep this because I don't want people knowing how much I paid for my comforter. But I paid one hundred and ninety dollars for my comforter because I wanted a comforter, like I could have probably found a cheaper comforter, but I knew that it was from
Pottery Barn and I wanted. I had been wanting that comforter forever because of the I had went in and I had like tested their comforters to see what other comfort like if they had a comfort I wanted, and the weight of it and the size of it and all of that like was perfect. But then when that lady hit me with, oh, you have to buy a duvet cover for and the duvet is three hundred dollars,
and then the insert is five hundred dollars. I was like, my fucking guy, you actually you know what, Chris, keep that in because I want niggas to know that this shit is expensive. Yes, my comforter is eight hundred dollars, and it was because I had to pay five hundred dollars for the insert and I had to pay three hundred dollars for the fucking duvet. And could I have gotten a cheaper one, yes, But no one tells you that ikea. Stuff will only take you so far, like
it will only last so long. It will only last so many washes, you know. So that's the other shit no one told me about. It's just like stuff for your home. Shit for your home is expensive. We all know the rising cost of food, the rising cost of everything. The fact that you know, especially now we live, you know, in a three story town home. The idea of like running your air and running your heating, like our heat is almost the same cost as our AC because it takes a lot of time to like heat up all
three levels. And I work on the first floor, and so working on the first floor means it's cold, especially like now like it's only what maybe, And again, like to tell people who listen to the show, I know that cold is relative for people who live in Wyoming and Wisconsin and all those other places. It is California cold here. So what that means is that it's fifty
five sixty degrees, which means it's cold to me. And with that being said, like you're having to run your heat, you're having to run your air when it's super hot here, and it's just it's one hundred dollars you know a month for gas and one hundred dollars or one hundred and sixty dollars for lights. It's like, especially when you grew up in a time when all those things you still maybe like fifty or sixty dollars. It's crazy. It's just crazy. It's so crazy. Just the cost of everything.
Not a pome pies, not a pad, not a pod. Oh you just scream that every time something don't make no sense. The other part is the moments where you have to pop off to get people to do things you want them to do. That is something I was not prepared for as an adult. And like do you know what I mean? Like not necessarily always going in ready to go off on people, but like I'm one
of those people, like like I'll be in. I had a situation recently where I had to like, you know when you like stop and you pause and you're like, okay, look. If I ever start with my sentence with the okay look, that means I'm at my last like.
You have you have one more calm sentence for me until the intil the escalades. No, because the way, like my mom is somebody who like my AM's someone who who will who used to resort to yelling but like for for things to happen and which I hate, But I would give her the content of being like if you didn't ask you the first time, or I have to yell, and I'm like you like.
You aren't wrong.
I mean, you don't have to yell a girl this, But I get your point of if you ask the first time, I did the thing you would have to pump up right, like, don't make me look a fool.
The idea that sometimes as an adult you have to be comfortable with acting a.
Fool with people.
And that's the thing I had to get comfortable with as an adult. You know, like my husband always says this mom who's like, you can get anybody to do anything for you, and it's like, yeah, because you have to learn how to talk to people. And I, you know, I remember seeing my mom do it when I was a kid, and I would be like, why is mom always having to yell as somebody are always having to go off on somebody, always having to like check somebody. And now as an adult, I'm like, oh, I get it.
I get it because people like to test you and see how far they can. They can you know they can they can take you. And I put in a note, especially when it comes to money. And then the last thing I wanted to say too is being an adult who needs an adult. That was something I didn't recognize, like at thirty nine, sometimes having to like call my mom or having to like call other friends of mine like my I call her my godmother, my god mother, Dory, who is you know, a little more old in an age.
I won't say how old she is, but she's like I call her a godmother because there are moments in my life where I'm like, this is not making any sense to me and I don't really know what to do, and having to like wait for them to respond or give me like you know, like they leave basically having to lead me into something, you know. So I think about that a lot, like especially I put here too, especially, and I know you probably feel this. And you know, like I said, some folks who follow me know that
I had a death in my family this week. And so when you're dealing with parental health like my mom is thickly now and I'm having to constantly advocate for her, and then also like having to deal with death, like I'm sure you probably felt this with your dad now me having to deal with my mother in law, like it's it's been a lot. So it's been a lot.
So you know I feel I feel girl who well as we know, said consider our live choices. Because the hood has failed us, we have to say, we gotta say hang on the break, y'all and just rethink, just rethink everything.
You know.
When when the moment where the ghost of Christmas past comes comes.
Comes into comes into plane, I can go, I can go figure out a new future.
I just I have questions for it. But what is the wait?
What is that movie? When what's her name? Williams?
She she was a Christmas ghost? Oh God, what I want to say. Her name is Michelle Wae, but I know what's wrong. He was a model and she was ugly, batty. What's her name?
Williams? That movie when she was.
Ghost?
Yeah, and she had those ghosts come back to the listeners. Y'all got to tell me what that movie was called.
She was? She was basically, she was a what do you call that? A screw?
She was basically Okay, okay, Christmas Ghost.
Was Kathy Griffin and a few other people. Chili Chili from TLC was in the movie too. I'll find out the name of the movie on our break.
Okay, good time.
Well I'll just say, y'all, well we'll be back in at giff a peanut butter. Okay, fam, we are black and John you did did you find the movie?
It's on a demas Christmas count and it had you had chili, and it had Kathy Griffin it and she had that song called Heartquake in it. It was yes, yeah, watching.
Live, Okay, I need to watch it. That sound that sounds good? Okay. Well, as we close out, y'all, we argue we're.
Gonna end, We're gonna end the traditional stuff with with deliver yourself a little fun as we go, love yourself rapped. So twenty four parag for twenty twenty five, we want to do it our year wrap, Like how y'all be posting on the spot five but make it silly and fun, talk about our most telling rap metrics. So I'll go first, John and John like what what was it? Go like like like like one one each one by one together.
So this year I spent one hundred and thirty six days wondering what you made for dinner?
Just to end up anxiety, just end up filling with smash anxiety that died a door dashing said a thirty seven of those days was just for Taco Bell.
Oh my god, Taco Bell. She comes through to Cutch every time. And it's so it's ridiculous because.
What have you have you heard? Their their their their live mosque cafes.
Yes, Jonathan had just mentioned that to me. There's one downtown Hollywood.
Now, okay, because they because they opened the first one in uh in San Diego and I know about it.
It was like, yeah, they're called they're like cantinas or whatever, but basically they're supposed to be are they different?
So so the cantina is reading alcohol the live I think the Live Moss Cafe is the only one that's in that's currently around.
It's in, It's in San Diego.
So Live Mouse Cafe is where there is basically them doing like coffee drinks and shiit like coffee drinks, And was like, you know what.
That's gonna that's gonna feed into did you know some quit it?
Oh?
Oh, someone had told me that story recently. Someone had said that the person who created Taco Bell stole their recipe from somebody who worked here in San Bernardino County or Sam Bernardino and that's where Taco Bell was like born the history of Yeah, a white man who stole the concept of a taco from a LATINX place here in Aha. And I'm not I'm not surprised, not surprised
at all. Yet opened in Chula Vista, and I'm trying to get more info on it, trying to see what it is local in San Diego County and what it says, says it's the first ever Taco Bell lived MOUs cafe like a Taco Bell though.
So yeah, so so it's made, it's it's it's a it's an old taco bell that that that that that was there before, but now it's just like cafe and so it'sposed to talk about so like the but more focus on drinks is on food, and they would drive through still. But the whole point is like it's like these you know, fast chains are trying to break into like coffee the like coffee market.
Yeah, they're trying to do what Starbucks and that other one. What's the other one?
Starbucks, Dunk and dush Bells all that stuff. Yea, like apparently there's also a mid Donald's version. It was like, it's oh, it's like I think I think it's called it's called cosmics, like c O s MCS cosmics.
It's supposed to be like a similar thing. I guess there. I think in La or something. I was like, oh interesting, I mean I would never go to cosmics.
Yes, I saw, you know what.
Yeah, they were trying AI with it, and then I remember seeing that and then something went left and they had to stop having they had to actually put people inside of one. I remember hearing about this. There was a hole to do. It was supposed to be like AI driven and it was supposed to have like just people be able to go up to the thing and ask for and the machine would make the drinks and stuff for them, and then something happened and they ended
up having to like put people in it. But yes, I've heard of cosmics, but I was not from here with the live mosue. Okay, But yes, to your point, like you, I have spent one hundred and eighty days screaming these niggas got me fucked up?
So like that has.
That has literally been my wrap for this year. Is like half of the days of this year. I have been screaming, these niggas got me fucked up?
Yes, scream Okay.
I spent eleven fifty hours of replaying arguments in my head to find out whether I was right or wrong.
Let me tell you I was always right. I don't even know the arguments right period. Thank you, Thank you.
I know a lot of the stuff that we talked about offline.
Yeah, I was like I was right? Who are right?
Yes?
I spent five thousand, twenty five hundred six looking for who some of y'all think y'all talking to.
I did you? Was looking for argument? I was in my head being like, who do you think you're talking to. So, yeah, it's me.
You got scream, I scream. This year, I spent zero seconds being the right one for anybody. Bitch. I was wrong single time that bitch.
We're good for the lady who was crossing the street, not the bitch with the lady who was crossing the street that old boy ran up on on his show Billy Billy in the Street.
She got the wrong bitch on the right day. That's why I said that bitch because she was.
Mama was like, I don't know who the fuck you playing with for a camera, but you got the right bitch on the wrong day.
I know that's right a white person either. Mama was done. I was, I'm her. She was like, I don't watch TV.
I got kids, I got a life. I don't got tired for none of them hit It was so New York to me, I absolutely live for. But yes, you are, you are so right. And that's what that literally struck a cord in my head. I too, door dashed one two hundred and thirty five times, and those orders because they were never right. You know what we you know, we're just gonna go ahead and fast forward to our next segment.
Because I got some words for.
So with that being said, we've taken at least one hundred breaks this year, so y'all won't mind if we take one more.
We will be black shortly with y'all's favorite segment, Black in a second.
Okay, y'all, So we are gonna go ahead and jump into our yes ma'am and our no man Pam this week. And I just want to ask if the church will allow me to take some space to go ahead.
And get into something aust that I got.
I got a couple, I got a couple, uh yeahses.
Chris, some church music, because you know, we got to you got to be able to see now, my hone, and when you're speaking, you speaking the word and the good good word, you got to be able to see my God.
Yes, yes, So I do want to take a quick moment my guest, ma'am. This week.
It is it's personal, but it's also just a reality to me. So I will be transparent saying a lot of this year and I know it's all in my head. I want to start with this and I want to say that this. I know it's all in my head. I've struggled a lot this year with feeling like I don't have close friends, and I know a lot of it. I'll say it this and and I've talked about this on the mic and off the mic. My best one of my really good best friends, my one of my
good judies. We were friends for about ten years. For those of you who don't know, some of you do, some of you don't. My best friend passed away from COVID in twenty twenty two, at the top of twenty twenty. Well, she passed in twenty twenty one. Her funeral was in twenty twenty two, and so since then, I've been struggling a lot with like the feeling of like I don't
have another Carla in my life. And so this year has been really hard in a lot of different ways because I've hit a lot of highs, a lot of things that I talked to Carla about and her not being here to see it, and so it has triggered me in a lot of ways of feeling very alone in a lot of the quote unquote big things that I've been doing, you know, presenting you know, at an award show was a big deal for me and Carlo. I wasn't here to talk to her about it. Like
selling my book, all of these things. And so I say all of that to say there was a There were multiple points in this year where I was just I felt very alone, and then you know, this week I was hit with losing someone very close to me and my home, me and my family. And so with that being said, give me just a second, because I'm getting pained and it's throwing off my thought process. I'm
so sorry. Okay, let me reset. So anyway, for those of you who don't know, I'm resetting here for those of you who don't know, this week I lost someone very near and dear to me. My mother in law passed away suddenly, and I'm talking about it on the mic because I think it is imperative one for me to tell everybody please hug and love on your people, because we literally had just seen her, we had literally just made plans with her, and then one day she
was gone. And so it has been a very very rocky week for both me and my husband, especially not just because of her passing, but also just the time of the year. And a lot of y'all reached out and showed me so much love and door dash credit. A lot of y'all took care of me in ways that I you know, in moments when I genuinely did and think me and my partner, we're going to be able to just know what we were going to be able to do, or to be able to figure out
what we were going to do. Folks stepped in and said, hey, I got you. And so, you know, with the thought of losing my mother in law, and I do want to take a quick sec to say, like, I know, there are people out there who are close to me and close to my husband who listened to the show. I loved her not just because she was who she was, and there were times that I did want to shake her and I did want to say, you know, girl,
I need you to do better. She was a white woman raised you know, in a South, So do the math there. Take it in however you take it. There was a lot of shit she needed to unlearn. But I will say this that she welcomed me and she loved me like her own child, and that made me love her even more. And I'm doing my best not to get emotional while talking about this.
And so.
She just loved me, and I.
Loved her, and I can still feel her love around us, and so all of that to say that heightened my mind and my visibility and the way I see the world and just being able to say, like, while Karla may not be here, I can still appreciate the closeness that I have with you, the closeness I have with
my friends Quasm and my friend Heather. I wanted to shout them out because they listened to the show Travail all of their you know, doctor James Simmons, Jiminica, Like, there are all of these people that I know who are in my corner, and it's like, just because I don't have that one quote unquote best friend, it doesn't mean that I don't have a surrounding.
Network. I'm trying.
I'm in the midst of trying not to get super emotional and also trying to put my thoughts together.
So give me a minute, let me work too of my thoughts.
But I just also want to say, like, I think the biggest part in all of this is I really want people, you know, as this is our last episode for the year. I never understood like I heard people say like the holidays are tough because of this, that and the other. And I've heard people mention that you know the holidays are hard because have lost their parent or they've lost you know, a sister or whatever. I never knew that until this week, and so now I
understand what a lot of people are saying. And even though it wasn't my mom, it was still my mom, if that makes sense. And so I I just wanted to like shout out in my yes ma'am this week, like I'm sending love to anybody who's struggling through the holidays, who is struggling through, whether it be new grief like I am, or it being long term.
Grief that.
I feel like I'm rambling. I'm sorry, I just I just I send. I just want to send so much love to anybody and everybody. But I also want to say, please go out there, share love with the people that you can take the moments like I know it may be hard, because even I told my husband, no, it's going to be hard for us to get through Christmas this year. But I told him, I said, we have to.
We have to do it, because if we let this moment stop us from being with his sister, or being with my brother, or being with my my friends and family, or my friend and chosen family, then we that could be a moment that we miss, if that makes sense, that could be a memory that we miss. So I'm just wanting to tell people, like, please make make memories with people they spend the time with those people. Because I keep thinking about this, I keep saying, like, I
remember we were and I think I mentioned this. You know, my other side of my family, they do a Thanksgiving dinner and they also do a Christmas dinner every year, and last week they did the Thanksgiving dinner and I was almost like I was almost at a point where I was like, I'm not going because I also wasn't feeling well and I had a lot of stuff, and I almost said I'm not gonna go. And then at the last minute, I just said, fuck it, I'm just gonna go, you know, and I went. It was a
great time. I got to see one of my extended cousins babies for the first time, and it was fun. We had a really we laughed, we ate, We had a good time not only with his cousins but also with my mom, my mother in law. And so I'm thinking to myself, if I would have not gone, shit, I wouldn't have had that memory with her, sitting at the table with her and laughing with her about my husband in you know, the fourteen years and the things that she loved to just she shared the same stories
over and over and over again. But that was because she loved us. And so I say that, like, for anybody who's having a hard time this during the season, please go be with your people. We're getting ready to go into a very dark time. We're in a dark time now, but we're getting ready to go into a dark time and the last thing we need is to not have those memories. So I'm just gonna leave it there and say that. All right, that being said, I'll jump into my nomn PAMs. I did not want to
do this on the mic. I tried to get through this whole episode without getting emotional, because yes, it's very it's still very raw, it's still very new. But I definitely just want to say, like, I love that woman to death, even though that woman drove me up wall sometimes, but yeah, she was a very beautiful person and I'm happy that I'm happy that I have that memory with her. Okay, to my no man, PAMs I have said this, this
isn't tandem to what I just shared. I shared this in my stories last week, but I did want to say it on the mic for those who maybe don't have me on Instagram or on social media. People are dealing with a lot of shit, especially people who are grieving. So I've been very public. I haven't been as public as my husband about my grieving process, but some of folks who know me and are close to me know
what happened and know what's going on. And I've had people hit me with let me know if you need something. And I want to say this without folks getting offended. So please know that this is coming from a place of love and not a place of shade. When someone is grieving, it is never helpful to say let me know if you need something, because and I even learned this firsthand with you know, working through this grief with
my husband. A lot of times when people are grieving and they have no idea what they need, they have no idea how to feel, they have no idea how they're going. Some of them don't even know how they're going to keep their day going. And so and I'm watching my husband go through all of this, and so I say all this to say, when you say let me know if you need something, it feels very much self serving than it is to help the person who
is grieving. So what I mean is if if you see someone who is actively grieving and you don't have anything to give them, right, and you're in a place where, like financially I can't do nothing, simply just say I send you my love, my condolences. If you want to talk about it, I'm here. Leave it at that, right, But saying let me know if you need something and not actively following up on that, it can be very
very empty. So if you can do something, I like to tell people the one thing that people will always need when they're grieving is food. Even if they don't eat, they'll need food. So to the people who sent me food this week, you being one of them, joho, thank you. Other friends who sent me door dash credits or sent me door Dash know food, right, I have friends who sent door dash food, thank you, Like me and my husband.
There were especially on Sunday when every when my husband couldn't get out of bed, that was one of the days where I was so thankful that folks sent a whole bunch of stuff for us to have muffins, food, all of that, Like, we truly appreciate you just doing it. But yeah, it makes life a little bit easier. And I'll even say this, even if you got ten dollars, send somebody a little bit of coin, because that's ten dollars less that they have to spend on the on earn or celebration of life.
Like, just do it. Don't don't even ask them if they need it. Just do it. And I can guarantee you the person who is grieving, on the person who's going through the hard time, they will appreciate it because they will know that it's coming from a place of love. So I just wanted to say that.
Now to get into just the bullshit that don't matter. I'm my other no man Pam this week. I am sick of these companies bastardizing food and cultures that aren't there. Where that comes from? Is I got boba for I know this is my own fucking fault. I got boba from Jack in a Box because I just wanted to try it and it was nasty and I should have known.
Played myself. I should have known better. But I'm also leave it alone.
No, not not the no, not the but no, I want.
A good idea, and I played myself. I was like, look at you, a clown.
But also I'm gonna need these like even with like Taco bell and stuff like, leave these other cultures. We don't need your Chinese food. We don't want your bowl like we don't want to leave it where it belongs. Leave it to the typ folks and you know what they're doing. We don't want it, leave it alone.
So I just want to say that.
And then lastly, I just want to say the food delivery services, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave them nameless because hopefully one day we'll get a sponsorship. But I'm i'm I'm my disclose, I'm disclose to losing it because I have ordered three things this week and they have all been wrong, all three of them. I don't know if it's the food service itself or if it's the people delivering it or the people making the food, but all three of them are ready to round house kick. Okay,
I'm done, I'm done. I just I just had to get that off my chest. But I'm of these delivery services and the service you get with them, all right, go.
Ahead, period, Okay, First of all. First of all, it's all out there.
First of all, I really I really hope John's moms jns mom's memories of blessing for him and for you both, and no and No know that I'm here for you still and if you and I will send more food, girl, I'll send I'll send nice and shank hoo's at the funeral if you mean a shank general like a girl, I will send you all the things. And then I was say like even like you saying let me know
you thing is helpful. It definitely taught me something. I was like, oh, I haven't I haven't thought it that way, like I haven't thought of that way of like oh, like the point decision making sure she was saying that, because that even that even gave me a moment to learn, like oh, like I said, asking me just just say, hey, I'm gonna send you this a call like a day because you know anything about like when like when when my when my dad passed away, I was at I
was at work and my boss literally was like, you have to eat the sandwich. And I was like what And I was like, my dad that I have to go, And she was like, you can't leave into She's like, she's like, you can't leave until I make you. Have to eat first, let me make you a sandwich.
And I was like, girl, what the fuck? I was like that, and I was that is so wild, Like why, like did you not hear me my dad? Is? Your dad just died?
Like I have to go, I gotta go.
She did that.
She issued made in bitch West so much, the best much in my life. I was like, oh, wow, okay, you were right. I actually really did that sandwich.
She knew that Greek was gonna set in. Yeah, and your mind and your family's mind was going to be going a mile a minute. And the last thing you think about is when you're is to eat. The last thing you think about is eating. So I understand why she was like, you need this sandwich because it's probably gonna hold you for.
The no for real.
And and like she made she made herself to, which is what she not do, Like like like she she she she wasn't a chef. She like she went she yes, she made herself And I was like it was really nice of her. She was she was a wild boss. She was she was really bad in many ways.
I was like, girl, me in not one.
Girl.
You put yourself on Jack Labo, but I cannot stand you for that one that I can't say clown as you.
Say when you do clown things.
Something's happened, happened, yes, my yes, ma'am. Is just everyone who posted posted their spileifire wrap. It's a yes and no, but like yes because y'all are both to be posting some of the stuff. But y'all need don't need to post all these things like some of them embarrassed, but some of y'all do.
Some of y'all do.
Put me on new audis, so I'm happy I'm here for that. Someone like what I could send to learn a few artists, but y'all mile with this one. And also spotify what was up? What was up with the graphic like someone called it. They used a I someone say spotify around as that y'all are wild. That was wild, but I live, I live, no man Pam. Inversely, also y'all because again you should be embarrassed by some of
the things y'all posted, but let go off. I mean, you know, like if if I posted about my posted my my youtubemusic recap, maybe maybe I'd be embarrassed too, but I don't to me. To me, I think it shays I have taste. Don't know if everyone else, I'll say, so that's just me. Also, okay, this is real talk, y'all, y'all, Luigi MANGIONI lovers. I cannot with y'all. I cannot with y'all. I just I've been debates. I've been I've been debating, but posting about this because part of me thinks it's wild.
My therapist was like everyone's processing their own way, and like, you know, like everyone had a hard year and they're all just doing the best.
They came up what they got.
But like some of y'all wild, like you, y'all trying to make y'all trying to make this man's bail, y'all, Like y'all.
Y'all, like it still isn't I do who came from wealth? Who did who killed? Like like it's just it's just he is.
Yeah, I was gonna say, I see the fun of it, But I also feel like some of y'all are really serious.
Yeah, so that's okay, Like like there's a space I hold for not having not pulling bad for what happened, Like you know, like I don't know, because like I see the space of.
People make bad decisions and have to face the consequences.
And also like and also I wish death on nobody, Like I wish that on nobody, and like some people's responses is like, well they like like well they enjoy our death, and I'm like, okay, Like, first of all, like I'm.
Let me be here.
I will never support like I will never support like CEO's of anything, like of anything, but like like y'all like like unfortunately, there actually is a difference between people's negligence and people intentionally going to kill somebody, Like this is actually different things. And I'm not saying that negligence is right or correct, right, Like I'm not saying that the people who have died as a result of being denied claims is correct or right. I'm not saying that
at all. What I am saying is that there's actually there's like you actually have to admit that there is a there's a difference in thinking of this one and like the idea have actually murdered someone is a bit wild. But like I just could not I personally cannot support like.
In any way.
And let's let's be honest about this. You'll only rather those man because he be because because he's fine.
If he was not fine, he was if he's black's let's there.
Yeah, damn thing, y'all maybe would have said, go off, we appreciate you from your jail.
Celle. You would be saying we appreciate you and will help you post bail.
Like about this really and that is really uncomfortable, Like like the gays, I'm like, because this man was this man was not white, if he was not quote unquote attractive, if he was a fat person, you have.
Absolutely been like that.
Just like it was just so bad, Like I really need to understand that, Like it's really discomforting. And again like like do I feel bad about that someone that someone had consoles their actions?
No?
Do I feel bad that someone died? Yes? Right, Like and it's the same thing, like the same thing people like people.
Were going up people like making just about about the group of folks who like who who got crushed that submarine?
Again like do it?
Like I don't feel bad that people made the decisions about things happened, but don't about it that people die Like no one just to die for it either, Like that's just like when we were started wishing definitely other people, that to me becomes a little bit like.
But we you know, and you bring up a really good point, joho. Like, I think that's the hard part about being an American in so many ways, is especially being a black American. I was, I'll say this, let me be let me be clear when I make this statement, not just an American, a black American is knowing that so much in our country is is all of its contradictory.
Like there's so much contradiction, right, this notion of when we and I say we collectively as as a black people, when we do something, and I know, I know, I'll even say this in my group checks. I posted jokes because I was like, especially before we knew who he was, right when I saw the photo and it was like, oh, he kind of.
Cute, but still he a murderer, you know, but but he's still kind of cute. Okay. I was like, now that this is cute, he need out here making bad decisions.
But that was kind of where my where my conversation went, like we got this cute ass person.
Making terrible decisions. My god, Like that's literally where it stopped for me.
But then when I started seeing like all of the stuff of people like, oh, I'll free him, I could change him, I'll give him all of my money, I'm like, Okay, y'all are doing a lot. And that was literally where my where the joke stopped for me. The joke stopped when I saw how and I'll be transparent with how serious people are. Like for me, it was just a passing joke of like, damn, this really attractive person made
a really fucked up decision. Well he'll be going to jail for life by like, that's literally where it stopped for me. But there are people who are going up for this man. And I'm looking around and I'm going, y'all, y'all like, y'all play too much. And that's the reason why y'all play too much in public. That's the other part too. I knew, I knew in my own heart of hearts, I would never say or post any of that because I don't want the world knowing that it's
just it's just in poor taste. It's all poor taste. And you know, I could go, I can go for hours about the contradiction of being an American here, but you're you're right. It's just when you have pretty and people laugh. But it's true when you have pretty privilege and you live in a world where people I idolize It's that's really all it is. People idolize masculinity, masculinity.
It's like, what do you expect? You know, they idolize whiteness, they idolize, you know, masculinity, and it's just fucked up. It's just a really fucked up thing. So huh. Anyway, here we are.
Here we are.
We're at the end of the year. We're at the end of the year.
This is our last episode for the year. Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you everybody this year who sent in you know, your thoughts, people who sent in love for the show. New followers. We've got a lot of new people listening. I've had so many people hit us and say, you know, my cousin listens to the show and they told me to listen, and now I listen.
I had another friend tell me that she told her hair stylist to listen, and then the hairstylist hit me on social and said, oh my god, I didn't know I needed this show. So shout out to the new hairstylist Gara who's listening you know to our show. We're just very grateful. We are very grateful and all of the mess of of twenty twenty four. We are very grateful to have the community around this show and have
the people that love the show. So yeah, so if you have you know, we're you know, we will be doing I'll say, this is just kind of the rundown and doing kind of like a you know, uh, what do you call that when.
You're doing kind of the last minute.
Basically, we're just we're going through the announcements at this point, some announcements for the church. You know, we we we are doing a best of episode next week. So after you hear this episode, the last the real true episode will be a best of Black Fat Femme for the year.
If you have specific moments or shows that you'd like us to dive back into, if there are things that you want us to hit on, or if you have anything you want to add for us to you know, add into our best of of this year, please let us know Blackfatfempod at gmail dot com. Our email is in the uh is in the show notes, So feel free to go ahead and just click that and go
ahead and send us a message. You can also send us your thoughts via Instagram and via Blue Sky and we also we have a threat now so also on threads and yeah, you can use black Fat Fin Pod as our handles. So with that being said, Queen Joho, where can the dolls find you? In your off time?
In my all time, my loves you will find me of course, as always a Joho danwels across all socials, including Blue Sky.
Now I get the post much at all, but here I am being on there.
I don't know that's right.
Any app If you have an app that you think I might be on Joho danns where you'll find me?
If not there? If not there, you will find me. What's something witty to say? If not there, y'all you will find me.
Look to the West Street Sky I honestly, y'all you'll find me like you find me hopefully at home.
I'm tired being in these streets. The streets they did miss me too much, but I need to stop missing them.
You are You are that girl that's always out and about about your whole She gonna shake her so well. Mom is never home every time I look at your location.
You are not at your place of residence.
Why am I paying?
Man?
Why am I even doing this? Why am I here? Okay, but you know what, But but I am typically around my place of residence. So it's a U. It's not all bad. I'm notification's down the street.
But but you're not home.
But it's not my fault that it's not my floor. Not hot calls to me, the group is in the heart. Hn the music calls to me. No Minnie biddy biddy, biddy, biddy, biddy, biddy biddy. I just have to do it. But yes, hopefully I'll find me a home. Sand ass down because I'm tired not.
As couch expensive ass rug to not be laying my ass on the floor on the couch.
A feeling like I'm not paying all these subscriptions for streaming things. Can not stream my shit?
Okay, I know I pay at least one hundred and fifty dollars a month in street.
I'm not door dashing to not eat my food.
Look stay home, Yes, yes, ask for me and my household. You can visit my website ww dot doctor Johnpaul dot com. I do want to say this. I finally have a publicist to help me with this book, and it's been fantastic because this person is helping me put together a book tour. We've already got one place locked in and so it's really exciting to have somebody who's really doing the work to help make this book a success. So if you're interested in purchasing this book, please head over
to doctor John Paul dot com. I have a book tab. Please kick click on whatever link works for you buy my book. I'm gonna say this every episode until I hit my thousand pre sales. Nigga needs to hit a thousand pre sales. We have only hit one hundred. Please buy my book so that way, pre sales. I keep telling me, pre sales matter more more than anything else in this process. So please make sure you if you
have not bought the book, buy it. If you have already bought the book, buy it for somebody else, pre order it, Send it to your mammy and uncles, your aunties. Somebody will learn something out of this book, so please please please buy it. That also being said, I know at one point in our show I said to stop sending me treats.
But with the way that this this year has treated me.
Please do send reesis, send donuts, send food, send water. You know what you can send is top of Chico.
Bitch. When I tell you, are you a sparkling water girl?
I've been done to dabble here and there in the sparkles of waters, ma'am, my.
God, we should do a whole episode about what of the best sparkling waters.
But tap of Chico. She takes the cake.
Mama, Mama, I don't know what they put in that sparkling Robber. That TV static water is fantastic. It is absolutely good. So I would say that if you want to say, honey, hit my DM, I will send you my address and you can send me whatever you'd like for me to be able to get my life.
Thank you. I appreciate it, you know.
Also, we wanted to say as we're closing this year, we have talked about this in the last few episodes.
We've hinted at it, but we have not announced it.
But I guess this is the perfect time to announce it, since we're getting ready to go on hiatus and then we're coming back. We have decided collectively as a show, our producers, me Joho, we've had several conversations about this. We are opening up our show to anyone and everyone who is adding to the mission of making black queer experiences better. So, you know, I know when we started this show, we collectively said, we want this to be
a true space for just black, fat queer people. And you know, I feel like I wouldn't say that I feel like that mission has been set because I feel like there are still more black fat fems that I really want to interview and I really want to have
on the show. But I definitely think that there are people out here who are doing fantastic work, and even though they don't identify as black, fat or fem, they're doing stuff to help us advance our lives in certain ways, and I would love to talk with them about why their work and what they're doing is important to you know, or how they're even I'll even say this, how they're even advancing the lives of other LATINX or you know, Asian or you know queer black, you know, queer black
mixed people. Right, Like, all that to be said, there's there are people out here doing some really cool shit, and we are limiting I'm gonna say we we are. I think we have How do I say this? I just feel like at this point in time in our in our life, it can't like it can't just be us Like that's that's how I feel. I want this
show to become a conversation of collective resistance. And I think it's going to be important for us to learn from Asian folks who are you know, organizing, for us to learn from LATINX or you know, queer LATINX folks who are organizing, Like it needs to be all of us, and I want this show to celebrate all of that. And so we will still have black people here, still have black fat fan people here, but I want to say that the doors to b f f R are now open because I feel like we've had enough. I
wanna say we've had enough. We've had a lot of people at the table and and and there are more stories that I think that we need to share.
So I'm excited to see where that goes. Did you have any thoughts on that before? Plus, you know, I was just gonna.
Say that, I think, you know, if we look at this through like through like through a lens of like of like data and testing right like like like we have demonstrated that our show is a viable show and it is an amazing show, and we have really like litly like like lived out our values committing to uplifting so like truly truly a catalog of black fat them stories and so so this like this is just like this is just then like this is just the then the next iteration of it to like to expand and say,
there are other folks who are also committed to our work to let's bring them into to talk with as well too.
So like yeah, it was.
Basically like like we are still general, are still to Jenner, are still to BFFs who are centering b f f's in our work.
We're just gonna have some reason, I have some more folks to talk with.
About the work and the joy, the challenges and the victories like like all together. And so I'm very excited. I'm very excited for who will have on the show. I think, you know, and and you and listeners. I hope, I hope you all listen and give us feedback of like you know, like Okay, that's like I'm really happy with this.
I'm really happy that y'all are doing this.
You know, I really you know, send tent us folks, you think we should talk to that, right, you know, like build with us, we want we want to do this together.
That's the work, the word build. I feel like we're in a place now where it's like we have to build, Like I want to bring folks. You know, we've we've brought you a lot of black fat fams who are doing great work. But I feel like now we need to build a larger network. And I feel like we're building on what we've already built. And so you know, and and again too, if if folks who have listened to the show and you feel like you know, we don't. We don't want other people in this space, you know.
And it has nothing to do about commercialism. It has everything to do in my mind, and will be very and again, we're gonna be very very very specific about who we bring on and very intentional about who we bring on. We're not just bringing on names to bring on names we have, we've we've had big names on the show. We don't we don't need names at this point.
We have, we've had names on the show. But I think for us, I think we're just at a place now where we've we've been doing the show for almost three years and it's like, Okay, it's time to build. And so we really truly want to bring in more voices and more experiences to build on to the work and the foundation that we've led and that we've we've you know that we've we've laid. So, you know, twenty twenty five for Black Fat M is about growth and I think part of that growth is bringing other voices
who have helped us grow into the fold. So just wanted to kind of make that, as you know, kind of our last statement of the year, just saying thank you to everybody you know, black, white, queer, LATINX mix, alien, if they're aliens, listen out there, girl.
We have been calling on you. Thank you for listening.
But also can you please find us to beam us up at anybody if you know anybody, your cats, your dogs, if your dogs are listeners to the show and they'd like the show, thank you for listening.
Girl. But with that being said, we're just we're just very grateful for the community that we've built around this show and we're really excited to expand it and build it.
All.
Right, Well, with that being said, that's it. This is the last show of the year. We'll see you in twenty twenty five. We want to thank our producer By Wang for handling all the logistics this year of the show. Mama has kept us locked and loaded and going and moving and you know she is she well. I think their pronouns are THEA let me go back. They have been so helpful and keeping us going. So babe, we thank you, We lift your name. We truly speak so much love into you and for just what you do
for the BLACKFM show. We also want to shout out our editor Chris Rogers. Chris, you have done an amazing job of creating some historical content. I don't think you recognize influential you have been to our growth into the development of this show. And yeah, I'm excited for year three. I'm excited for all of the things that we're getting ready to do and the other blessings that are going to come our way. So with that being said, thank
you Chris for doing all of the editing. We would not have a show without you, and we're so grateful that you're here. That's been a show.
To Christmas.
Habana and Alidays are also aren't even in December outside holidays at this time as well. Two all thees in between you.
Yes, all the ho ho hos, because I'm about to eat me a ho some chocolate girl. This has been another show. Stay, black, fat, feminine, fabulous. I remember what we may not be a cup of tea, but drink some call up because you're probably needed anyway. I love us for real, See you in twenty twenty five.
Bye,