The Black Fat Film Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio and Doctor John Paul LLC. Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of the blockfests and podcast were all the intersections of it in are celebrated. I am one of your hosts, John, also known as Doctor John's Paul. And while you were on nuke Map trying to figure out how safe you would be if I ran did decide to be good dang unless you came to bang bombs over bad dad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I know it's not funny, but you got a laugh to keep from crying while you were worried about retaliation. Whoo my god. I was on the Buljangos website trying to find out why none of them holes open in our area yet. So this is the thing. Don't promise me something and then go back on it. Bojangles, you told me a year ago that you would have three locations in LA and I have not seen one of them locate ships. I need answers. Where is your scooter?
Girl?
Where is your scooter?
Anyway?
How are you? Joh?
I cannot with you, John, I cannot. I can't you come out the gates with that? Knowing full well, I was I was eight. I bet you me up when I when I posted about Iran Earl earlier last week. So I ain't saying shakep my mouth shut. I'm just saying in my lane doing the most people who I was out here trying people was out here speaking on my name. It was it was wild. I mean, I can I can hold, I can hold. I messed up, y'all, but y'all came.
Too much on me. I was like, y'all even calm down, like y'all I I I probably ever slipped.
Let's relax, relox and truthfully all y'all coming from me, Let's be less, let's let's talk to you honestly.
You want one time post all by folks, but.
Here we are, here, we are Yeah, the man of times. People are be like I can't believe you would do that. Like I just I sho something that was a very real valid fear that everyone's like, how do you share this?
I was like, you don't share it about black people? Girl?
Why are you in my DMS?
Like I appreciate a call in, I love a calling. Yeah, it was just like the several messages of like how dare you?
How dare you? What was crazy, girl crazy.
This is so, this is what I have to say right before we get into our episode. I think you know, like we talked about not last week, but the week before last. We talked about this idea of people walking around like they are higher, highly mighty bit better. And you know, I'm because I do social justice the right the way, I am better than you. And it's that girl, you are the set you you ship the same way.
I ship, because are you just like I'm tired of people, people missing, people mistaking theory for process, Like I'm really tired of just like like I actually don't care about out how many books you were, actually don't care about what my education background was that part?
I here, are you actually in the streets? Do in the work?
Are you? Like like I'm and a lot of are I Like I'm exhausting, I'm exhausting myself trying to work for the black transpiity.
Here and there you go like, yeah, I don't have time for the books.
You don't have time for the art the artic Just send me are you doing the working out if you have no outcome? If you have, we're doing in practice, Like I cannot walk with you now, but Anyway, Anyways, y'all, it's a girl Jordan aka tig Girl Joho, and I just have to say no, no, I'm gonna say it with my no man pants because y'all was.
Busted. I was being tested today by the little busses.
Okay, yeah, fine, Well, as we always do, we're gonna start off our show by giving flowers Star Girl, Miss Tisha Campbell and are still here segment Tisha girl, come on dad to this. Oh, let's talk. I'm gonna keep putting this out to somebody hear it and invite her own and let her know that she's got She's got us, she's got a chair with us. But with that being said, this week, considering that Pride Month is officially over. By the time you hear this, you will hear this on
July first, Pride Week will be done. Start off, yes, Pride months. Yeah, Pride Month will be done. I Pride week, but Pride Month will be done. I wanted to start off this week's episode by asking the question, what is something you may have prayed for this year or even prayed for, you know under this new moon or you know under under the under the pride, under the pride month, you know, the culmination of things. What is something you may have prayed for that you are happy to see,
something that you're happy to see coming to fruition. I know, for me, I will say this so at the beginning of this year, and I've talked about it on the show, I've talked about it in different you know fast as,
I have even posted about it on social media. I know, for me, I posted very earlier in the year that I since losing my friend, losing my best friend to COVID, and since kind of coming out of COVID, I felt sort of isolated and feeling as if like I don't have the closeness or the connections that I maybe once had with certain people or even certain groups of people prior to the pandemic. And so at the top of
the year, that was one of my prayers. My prayers was, you know, God, please, if there's people in my circle who are not feeding me, let them go on and do what they need to do on their end. And if there are people who really want to pour into me, come on down over here, you know. And I want to make sure that I don't take away from the you know, the stuff you do or the things that
my partner does, or even some of the listeners. Right, we have a lot of listeners who are close friends of both of ours, right, or people that really go up from me and really go up for you too. So I don't want to take away from that, but I will say when I said this prayer, that was probably the first prayer I had said like out loud where it wasn't just a kind of like a you know, I was intentional. I set down and I prayed to the universe and I said, and again this is something
I rarely do. I really really said, God, please just put good people in my life so I can feel like I have a solid you know, I have a solid group of friends, and literally, people out of the blue just started kind of like showing up. And that's that's what tells me. And I know I say this a lot, and I joke, you know, this is what tells me that God is real. Because now I'm like, I'm I'm having friends hit me and be like, hey, do you want to do this this month? Hey do
we want to go book that? Or Hey do you want to come over to do this thing? Or do you want to and it and it just feels really good to see in like real time that the universe is answering my prayers. So yeah, like even thinking about everybody who showed up for my book talk like and how folks are using their platforms to help me lift mine, like shout out to Delta. Yeah, I was on Delta.
I was on very Delta, you know, last week obviously, And so it's just a lot of stuff has just been kind of culminating to show me like people really got me and the universe is answering my prayers. So it's like it feels like God is like God has not forgotten about me, and it just God, don't play about your girl.
God don't yeah about you.
Amen. Amen.
He does it every day every day, you know. I think for me, then I prayed for probably something for fruition.
I think i've this year. I think I said into my blackness in a new way. I think that's been really amazing.
Like getting my getting my hair braided has been like a really fun expression of like I feeling better. And so I think like I prayed for like more comfort, like another level of come for my blackness. I think also becoming President of Black Pride was like a hard thing for me because I was like, am I black enough for this?
For like myriad reasons, And so I think I prayed.
I think I prayed for like I think I prayed for like like I definitely I prayed like universe, like let me know that this is the right path for me. Give like give me the courage to step into myself more and like you know, like like they they they please, like because like let me leave with the authentic version of myself. And it's been happening, and I'm very very thankful for that. I'm very thankful that I feel good.
I feel tired, but I know, like we have so much good ideas what we're doing, and we're doing so much good work. I'm excited and like, like you know, like like even just like today we met with a potential partner and it was a really great conversation, and so I'm like, I feel really good about.
The idea I feel about like who I am.
As about person and how I'm showing up in my blackness and the like and like and like like it's giving them more as you make more confidence in myself in other ways, it's been really amazing. So I think that's been coming to fruition, like just like more self, more self advocacy, more self, more self atteration, more self belief in a new.
And new powerful ways. So yeah, and that's my life.
Yeah. No, And I will say this just you know, lovingly. I will say, keep in mind that some of these questions that we have about ourselves and how we show up in this world are tools of white supremacy, you know, a tool to keep you, you know, questioning your existence in a world. And so are you black enough? Who the fuck cares? Keep doing it? You know, keep showing up in whatever way you want to show up. And you know, again, at the end of the day, the
work is gonna get done. And that's the thing I want to say that I definitely want to hold is that, you know, I appreciate seeing folks like you out here doing things like Black Pride and all these other things that you're doing because it reminds me of the stuff I'm passionate about and the stuff I need to be doing. So I definitely just wanted to give you your flowers around that and then braids. Like I said, if I wasn't tend to head it, I'd be right behind.
You know, A girl.
When we do, when we do our sur sf thing, I'll take you to my braider because honestly, she will you. You'll be surprised, like, yeah, you fill intender her first, but she'll do you right, she'll do you love her.
I will hold you to it.
And your braids would be so cute.
Yeah, even though I got a big ass head, but.
You will you look so good and and and know it.
We can buy you some bundles to go into it, bitch, you you with a BRIDI of bus down with a bad bust down how.
John, baby idea No, because if you're if, bitch, if you're in, I'll buy you the bundles.
And please please please down and I would summer.
Please yes, before I let go, I'm yes, yes.
Please, I'm I am like super here for it. You already know that. But with that being said, now that we have taken a moment to give our testimony and pass the collection plate, we are going to pay our tides and take a.
Moment to take a quick break. We'll be back in a second, and we are back famin this week. John's the driver's seat. We're talking about something that based on social media. Now I know John your shild footed with me where person was talking about how epigenetics and the distrust they have related to certain things.
You asked if I believe in epigenetics.
And the thought about how it might drive some of the generational, generational crystial things we about we have about stainth things for ourselves. So I know for me, like, I definitely like sometimes I joke, like I joke with friends, like the sound of gas triggers me.
Holocaust, like gas.
Didn't know, get out of here. I am done with you. Get out of here.
If I if I, if I, if I see a treat a treat bench rope, I'm like, I'm like, I freeze up.
But like, but like, I like, I really do think there's certain.
Earlier.
It's an earlier. Girl, you got a laugh to keep from crying.
I think you know for me, there are I do believe. I do believe in the idea that so yes, the idea that in intergenerational trauma, like I think changes the expression of every DNA.
I'm not scientists, so I don't know how they how may we phrase.
I don't know if it changes specivity in a or rather like it pages your your behaviors and how they trust themselves. Like I definitely do think that the way or like way stress like happens, right, because there are times where I think, like I can handle a lot of stress, like I can physically in allow of stress.
Some people can ancelss at all. I can hand a lot of stress because.
Like both my families have had really stressful experiences and histories themselves, you know, very and very much like Bootshet mentality in the sense of like you gotta keep it going, keep a pushing, even things going wrong. And I think that is definitely like intergenerational, like not just in terms of values like immigrant values, right, but.
Like values of like danger, hysteria or survival.
You know, I think, I think instead of survival, instincts are passed down, you know, instincts about about being resourceful are passed down. I think, I think like you know, I think like like I think I have a certain intuition in like in myself that I think is like also past like that to me is passed out for sure, like because I know people my family have had intuitions, right, a different level of spiritual.
Connection into something. So I you know, I do believe in it.
I do believe like I do believe that there are that there are ways in which things, like you know, things change how we are. But I also I also think though, like like like what I think about last night, Imber made so like this is really interesting and silly.
But like.
Growing up, if my dad, if I left and I left a light on anywhere in the house, like in the like in the layout of my house growing up, like the the front of the house was living room, family room.
We have too, living room and family room, dinning room, kitchen, and then hallway and then parents room, my.
Room and in my mom's office. Right so like three bedroom, two bad house like like like quite like quite a good size. But like but like you don't see lights, So you don't see lights from like the family room or living room, from my from my parents' bedroom.
But my dad would just know if a light was on.
He'd like Jordan, Jordan, turn the light off, like anywhere around he will.
Know that a light is on.
Like yeah, that dou was like my mom my mama not care that that man was like the like like I try to stay by Jordan the light, what light the one thing that hang?
What's on? My guy?
Like and now as an adult if if like if I'm in if I'm I'm in bed even MirOS closed, if any light is on like my roomates like the I sense it, I'm like I cannot sleep light And and I was wondering, like this is silly and this ispiculation, but like I wonder if part of this is like is like like pastor from experiences of slavery, right, how many times?
How many? How many times? Like how many times? How many?
Because it's like this.
Is stop.
How many times we're like sas walking around with lights? Right, and like yeah, we're actually fearful of the light that was coming towards them, so they were trying to run away from right, Okay, when you're right, you smell what
I'm cooking? I literally, I literally I wonder that's the part of it is like it's like being a good having like the light right or for example, like like like I'm alike sleeper typically so like and whenever if I'm ever asleep and someone's not home, be like the before they even get to the actual door, I'll wake up, like like I like like I will wake up. I'll wake up second second before the can the door, I'll be like awake, like just like, yeah, you just know, I just know so aways yeah.
Yo, it's I know she's canceled because she's saying at the inauguration. But anyway, I was she did, she did? She did? She did? Who was jewel? Jewel? She's sag at the inauguration? The girl? Oh no, yeah, who will say so? But no. So for those so, I think this is very interesting and I love that you're talking
about this in this way. So for those of you who are not super into the whole epigenetics conversation, and like I said, I want to make sure that folks don't think this is just a you know, a lot of this is tenfoily, but it also is a real thing that I was like, I think this will be a great conversation because we've talked about generational curses in different facets, but we never really talked about what's the stuff that's ingrained in us or what are the things
that we kind of feel our in our DNA, and you know, we're working to kind of undo that. And so I was telling Joho, I saw someone talk about this the clip or the tweet, and the tweet the threat that I saw was a woman talking about the ways that you know, all the ways that she distrusts things, and how black people innately have distrust built into them because of what we've been through and what we've experienced.
And I said, Wow, this reminds me a lot of And again I like to give credit where credit is due.
I said, this.
Reminds me a lot of conversation I heard on the friend Zone where Frand was talking about epigenetics, and I dipped into wanting to understand it more myself. And so, for those of you who don't know, epigenetics is this concept of of things that are traumatic, things specifically traumatic things that are ingrained in your parents' DNA or in
your parents parents DNA that's passed down to you. And so there have been studies and again some of these studies are are you know, there's still big question marks around what does this truly mean for our DNA? But I know one of the studies that they did was around some rats, and it was rats that were taught
to be afraid of cherry blossoms. And basically what they would use they would they would basically give rats reasons to be afraid of the cherry blossom, and then they would let the rats pro create, and then they would test the rats that came from whatever batch that were being tested and to see how those baby rats would respond.
And what they found was that the baby rats were whenever they would see a cherry blossom or whatever, they would military blossom, they would freak out, right, they would, the babies would. And so there are all of these studies, you know, and again don't I don't know how that would would and again there's been no research that has tied it to humans, right, But the idea that trauma
is passed down through generations, it's real. And so I had brought this up because, you know, I wanted to add a little seasoning to the topic and thinking about some of the things that maybe have been passed down to us and things that might be keeping us tied to this feeling of being quote unquote curse and what
we might be doing to break them. And I know, for me, you know, one of the things that I have brought up as I've been dancing around this idea of like maybe epigenetics is a thinker, Maybe there needs to be more research and epigenetics, right, I think about generational curses, and you know, one of the questions that I've had is, you know, and maybe this is a question that I have more for you, what's your take on the idea of generational curses and how have you
seen them play out in your life? And before you answer that, I know, for me, I think one of the biggest generational curses that I have seen is this idea of feeling like your and again, generational curses as we're talking about DNA and epigenetics or feelings, right, this idea that you should always be worried about something. I know, worry, And I'll talk more about this worry a little bit later, but I do know that worry is something that I constantly have to fight in my mind every day, and
that's something that I'm wanting to break. But yeah, what about you, what's something that you have seen kind of play out in your own life?
Would be great question. Oh my gosh, such a great question.
I think I have.
I have a hard time trusting people to get things done, that's for sure. I think it's like a generational CURSI it's like asking for help and trusting people get things done, I feel, And that's like right in some cases, like family history of I cannot be dependent on people because you might you might die, like it's life or death.
Right.
My mom always says that if you want to do something, you gotta do with yourself.
Yeah, right, and like, and I think I don't want to be that person because I rely on community a lot, and I love community. There are some things that I'm like, I just like I just don't need help, like I.
Like I will.
I never need people to like open doors for me.
I feel like I do it myself, like if everyone want to you, right, I appreciate people do like I never I've never asked people to do that because I just is not I'm a well because I always think someone how might someone might always have a transaction and I don't.
I'm not a transactional person. And in some cases it's proven to be true.
But I think my my like my general genericial curse is like not to trust people will do the right thing and say and say they'll do what they say they'll do.
And my biggest piece of people who don't say, don't say that.
They'll do like even if even if I'm late, even even if it's.
Like not perfect, I will so do the thing right.
And people who don't do it and make judge judge people wall and I just like I could.
I shouldn't it myself like I like I should.
And so I think that is like there is something that I was, like a like a Germi show thing that I'm trying to unlearn. I think also like my sensitivity to potential danger, like.
I'm always in fire or fast.
I feel like, yeah, I don't ever feel right, like like when I walk into a bar, my first art of the exits?
How do I get there?
Cloud?
Do I good right there? At there?
How do I get out that front?
I find out if.
I if I sit down a restaurant, I'm my seat usually will case the exits as well.
So I'm about to railro.
Because I can't trust that you'll warm me digit comes, I'll warn you, but I can't trust you that you'll warn this bitch, you know. So I think like those are some of the because I have is never feeling safe everywhere always, and there's a level of endangerment whatever I do, even leading my house.
You know, when I walk home my nighttime, I walk home with my keys between my fingers.
You know, like I'm You're not if you don't give me a girl, I'm gonna scratch.
You're gonna know that you yes, and then.
Okay, you're gonna know you're okay.
If you, if you, if you, if if you, if you take me down, you will come out bleeding still, like do not do not try it with me like that. So I think those are like the curses I have, you know, I think I think those are like pretty great present ones. I think the other thing is the one thing I've one thing I've I've broken occurs is
scarcity mentality. When it comes to money, I think like and not not not not that you're riches rich, like not that I'm rich now that I'm got I got some money at the wall Zoo.
But I have work to break the idea.
Like like like that like that money won't come to me, like I believe, like like what how that song go?
It was like with the money? Was that with the money braz Yeah? What a money? Is that money?
But that like like that's that's like like that's a I feel like I've broken the I've broken the curse of fling.
Like things are scarce, Like I think I'm abundant.
I think things are abundant, like like if I if I if I give money, I don't expect it back because I know I'll make it back. I hope for a back because I want to back, but like I put it back because I know I can make.
It back, you know.
I like I trust that I'm taken care of. When things are hard, I'm like, know what, Like it's a hard month. God got me, you never got me? So yeah, so that those little bits I think I'm gonna play on my life. I'm curious ask you, is there a pattern or something in your life that you think you might.
That might have might have been passed on as well? Now have you worked to break it?
Yeah, I will say so. I made mention of this earlier, you know, thinking about the worry. But also this, this the game of fear is something that I feel like, you know, being concerned that there's always going to be something that's gonna go wrong. And I think having to reframe this, this this feeling of there's always going to be something wrong, like even down to like my mom, you know, with the traveling, my mom calls me all the time, where are you at? What are you doing?
You know, I just want to make sure you're safe and I'm like, Mom, you can, you can rest sure and know that I'm okay, Like you don't have to always. But again, I know, I know that that's her her way of moving and operating, and I think in my grandfather it's the same way. And one of the things that you know, I don't think I've ever told anybody is you know, and I don't even know if you know this, but one of my uncles when I was younger was was was profiled and attacked and murdered by
the LAPD. And so knowing my mom, knowing the direct connection that my grandfather had to that, and knowing the direct connection my mom has to that, I think my mom innately and my grandfather innately has always had it kind of embedded in them that, you know, we're a target, right, no matter what we do, no matter where we go, we're always a target. And so I think they're always
constantly works about that. And that's something I've had to kind of like relinquish in my own mind, is like I can't constantly live my life day to day being worried that something is going to go wrong or that I'm something terrible it's gonna happen to me and you know.
And I think the other part of it too is you know, I think you know, being like you said to some to one of the pieces that you shared earlier, Right, this notion of not being able to trust people, you know, it's not even trusting that people are not going to do anything. I just for years I just didn't trust people in general. I just I don't know your intentions. I don't know who you are. I don't know what you're trying to bring into the space. I don't trust
your energy, you know. And I also know that a lot of that is religious trauma too. Right, growing up in a very religious space, I was taught that your other I'm you know, I'm in the right religion. I'm doing I know the people who are connected to my religion are good people. You're not a good person, so
I can't trust you. And I think having to like unlearn that and just be like, just because someone has a different religious belief than you doesn't necessarily in him make them a bad person, just unless their religious beliefs are rooted in harming you or taking your rights away.
That's when we have a problem. And I think that's something that I've really had to kind of like undo around quote unquote, the generational curse is recognizing that, you know, safety, safety can mean so many different things for different people. But I don't have to constantly live in this place as if, you know, I don't have to live in Halloween every you know, every day, you know what I mean,
I don't have to there. You know, there's there's not that many booths and you know, scary things around the corner every day. And I think that some people in this and like I said, some of my family, they live that way. They lived that way, and I just don't necessarily it's how do I say this, It just
doesn't It's not me. It's not something I want to constantly have, Like I don't constantly always want to be in this place that you know, all I ever have to do in my life is worried because it just I mean, and that's what that's the thing I think I've learned. I've really learned. You know, I'll even say this. You know, my mother, my partner, to an extent, some of the other friends and family, I know they're constantly worried about the next hour, or the next day or
the next month. And I'm like baby, You're worried about something that hasn't even occurred yet. So why am I gonna be worried about being broke tomorrow if I got money today and then, like you said, I'm not rich. But I also don't go to bed anymore being like, oh my god, I'm so worried about where my next check is gonna come from. Like, no, I'm just not gonna live that way because the reality is is now, I've spent this entire week giving out energy into the
world around something I truly have no control over. I'm doing the best that I can. I'm working as much as I can. I'm putting out whatever I can to let people know that I'm capable of doing a good job, and whatever comes back to me is what will come
back to me. But I just don't have it. And I think also part of it is me growing up too, right, is recognizing like you don't have to constantly live in a state of fear, Like living in a state of fear is not something that is conducive to me or to the work I want to do in this world. If I'm constantly working out of fear, out of out of worry, then then then what am I telling other people who I'm trying to lift up? What am I telling other people who are looking to me for the
solace and to be uplifted. So that's something that I've really had to fight in the last couple of years. You know, I would I would like to know, you know, I guess thinking about how you've approached this topic when you're with your with your family, thinking about this idea of like what these curses might mean. And I know we've talked about Like I said, we've talked about familial things in the past, but like talking directly, I know you,
I know you've mentioned conversations with your mother. I know you've mentioned conversations with your sister and your brothers. I would love to know, like the idea that you all have to be the ones to put these curses to bed, Like what what has that looked like for you? You know it is? It is Well, the.
Conversations with my family are different than the conversations I have with like people like my other loved ones, like my friends and such. You know, well, we all have.
Different proximity to what it means to break curses, right, Like I share with my mom this idea sometimes I don't think, not that she's not interested in breaking curses, but I think there is that's a level of self work.
I don't think she'll.
She will.
I totally see her if she's able to or just doesn't want to, because like she's lived a full life, so it's like, what am I trying to do now?
Right?
And the people who place those curses are no longer here with us, and she has to and I sometimes don't know she will. I think with my siblings, you know, we talked about me and my brother about this a lot.
In particular, I think my sister does to my sister. My sister sometimes my sister sometimes.
Is like fuck it, ah, the curious girl, I love this shit right, you know, like she's like in a funny way.
But I think I think my brother and I are probably.
The most I think the most like. I don't know the most like because I actually I also know that like my my brother who's been who is incarcerated for thirty years and was returned newly returned last year, I'll spend a year ready since he came out.
That's what.
Yeah, He's talked a lot about like breaking general breaking general, generational curses. I think we have to because, like we talked about, like we have to because if we don't, we run the risk of like damaging further gnerations of us.
And we don't want that.
We know that we're damaged and we don't want to participate in the damaging with the people.
We also know.
That the curses and traumas are that we inherited from our people above us that led them to not have good full lives.
Yeah, and we don't want to have of We don't want to have shortened lives now. We don't want to have not good lives.
We're gonna have rich and beautiful and exciting full lives. We can only do that if we actively work against the curses that we're putting us in that way, you put this curses to bed. So I think, you know, I think that's how we push the topic of discussion is like we being one, how how do you become mindful of what was passed down for us?
Right?
Like what do our hands hold? You're like, where are we obligated to hold? What can we actually just let go of? Like there's a there's a duty, there's a sense of do your obligation to hold something and what can we say this actually is not what.
My hands aren't made for this. I can put this down, and I can.
My hands a small but then natural.
I cannot, you know.
I also think it's important to note right that like our take on breaking ger mystial curses are often informed.
By our own insections of who we are, right.
And like like like we have a privilege to be able to engage in the thought of changing breaking systems like not everyone can not the tools to do so. Everyone wants to do so, you know, And I guess I'm also just said like like in the you know, in the in the sphere of like like like wrapping this conversation with the boat, like like what is the
liberation from that trauma? Passion also look like for us, like for me, I think a lot about this now a conversation with with with my brother age, I'll made a conversation about this, like this passage in Jewish texts I have read a few times. I'll try and give you like like a quick summary.
There's a part in I want to say, it's not in the tour.
I think it's like in like the like like like some some like some of my Jewish text but not not like not not like not like the Holy the Holy.
Text essentially, but I think it's Kamara.
And so there's some rabbis this Rabbi Johanan, Rabbi Haya and Rabbi Hanina and so and so and so Rabbi Hi falls ill, and rebbe Hia Yohanan student Rabbi Johanan like like checks on Hya and Hyas like, oh I'm sick, And Robert Johana is like, is your suffering? Is your suffering dear to you? Do you desire to be ill or reflicted? And Rabbi Hyah says, I welcome neither the
suffering nor it's reward. I when he welcomes with suffering with love, is rewarded, but like like like we we're with more suffering.
So Rabbi Yohanan says like, give me your hand and like and heals him.
Rabbi Johanan also then falls ill, and Rabbi Hanina visits him and I.
Was like, hey, girl, is your suffering dear to you?
Johanan says like, I welcome this suffering nor reward And then and then raby Hanina Healsohanan, you know someone someone something like the questions asked if Rabbi Yohandan, like, why didn't you wait to heal?
Why don't you wait to heal yourself? Yeah, I'm not sorry. Why did you write for.
Hanina when you can feel yourself Youhanan says, a prisoner generally cannot free hurt himself from prison, but depends on others to release them from the shackles.
Right the.
Words and so and so we talk about like with
like with like liberation from gensional trauma. Impression is when like you can't do it by yourself, like like like like when you're shackled by oppression, you can't like like you actually can't make the change yourself every time, you know, I hold that as much as I hold Asasha chorus chance of like we have nothing to break but our chains, right right, and we have there's nothing to lose with our chains, but like losing your chains, sometimes you can't.
Break for yourself.
You have to do it with with others. And also you have to be willing to let go of suffering because right like like that text taught me that pump people like suffering a safety. Suffering is comfort right like like the suffering is bondage, but there's a comfort and
bondage because you know what's gonna happen. So much of Jewish history and text was the idea of like the Jewish will suffer a lot, but they like but like when they had to fight for the free the most hard and scary because they have no you want.
To expect the other side of that.
And so I think also we often refuse to break change or break curses or the ol trauma because we're scared of who we will become after them, because our sense of self right is wrapped up and suffering, and so like for us to say I have to relinquish who I am and be open to who I'll become or who I'm becoming without this trauma, it is scary and hard and like gross and sticky. It's it can
feel crunchy and painful. But I think personally, I think right like like like like what a gift is to do that, And that's the most apportant thing is to say I can change, and I can change with others and others can have me change, right like the function of freedom is to free others. And if I can't, if I if I can't be free. Without you being free, then we have to free each other as well too.
Yeah, I so yes to all of that, and I appreciate that, you know, I always appreciate when you bring in, you know, whatever Jewish ideologies or concepts and to help people kind of expand the ways that they think about this, this this idea of freedom, because I think, and I will say this, I think there's such an American way of thinking about what freedom is and thinking about you know, breaking chains or breaking all of it is so rooted and a lot of what I like to think of
is you know, patriarch patriarchy, patriarical ideologies and concepts. Right, there is no real essence of the soul in some of these conversations, and so I feel like when you offer up these concepts are these thoughts, you're really taking it to a place of trying to connect it back
to the person. And I think it's so much more than saying freedom is having, you know, having money to do this, or freedom is being able to talk about this, or freedom is you know, X, Y and Z. It really is this idea of thinking about what are the things And this is something that I've been trying to do so much in a lot of my work. What
is the thing that I feel like I am. I kind of want to go back to your point about this idea of people not breaking quote unquote these change because they worry about what's on the other side or who am I without this? And I think it's kind of the ways that some people are are you know, I've had to stop and ask people, like you're always worried, or you're always stressed, or you're always angry about something, like have you ever thought about what your life would
be like if you were just okay? Like some people don't know what it's like to just be okay, Like this idea that everything is gonna work out and even if it doesn't work out the way I want it to work out, it's still gonna work out. Right, What does ease look like for you? And what does what does breathing that that that you know, whatever we want
to call it, what does that look like? And I think so many of us are so and especially marginalized people, we're so caught up in the bad, like everything is so bad. And that's what I'm really trying to like get people to see now, even in my own organization, I'm trying to get people to understand like, this is intentional. This is exactly the way that you know, elements of white supremacy works. It's to keep you locked in fear.
It's to keep you in this cycle of thinking and feeling like emotionally you're gonna always have something bad happen. And you pass that down, right, you want to pass that down to your nieces, your nephews, your kids, your kids kids, to let them know, like you got to be worried about the people at the top. And when you get free enough to say, I'm worried about y'all, I'm scared of y'all, I'm not There is nothing that you can really say or do to me that ain't
already been done that that changes so many things. So I just I guess for me, I really like to think of liberation as being this kind of thing of folks getting to a place of recognizing that, yes, you can acknowledge the bad, and you can acknowledge the things that have happened throughout your trajectory and your life, but that you can also be okay with today. It is
okay for you to look forward to tomorrow. It is okay for you to be okay with the idea that it may not work out one hundred percent the way you want it to work out, but it will. It's going to you. I even think looking at us, we're living. I think we're living and telling examples of people who you know. I mean, I got a couple more years on you. But the reality is like we're living, we're
living examples of this ship's gonna work out. It's gonna be okay, and you don't have to live in worry or fear all the time.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's God okay, family, that we have given you all a blueprint to break in the chains. We got to be great for some advertisements. I might need to find me an advertisement for some for some hair anti itch because oh lord, yeah damn. We be back in just a psycho fan.
With the shack gos on my feet.
So I just had okay, y'all, I have had so many songs come across my head, and like I said this, I know it's the neural spiciness in me. But with that being said, we are back, y'all, And this conversation is a conversation I have been having with myself while I've been on the planes and been flying into cities and out of cities and doing all this stuff. So I just want to say this, and I think this, this conversation may get us canceled brunos, who cares, Jordan.
I feel like, just you travel just as much as I do, and I know you know, so so what y'all Okay, So I'm gonna just say this. We're gonna this segment. We're gonna go ahead and go back to our roots, and we're gonna do what's on your plate. But what I wanted to do was I wanted to lean into this idea that both of us love to eat when we are on the road. We like to
try new things, we like to post new things. And I wanted to lean heavily into this idea of what what what are some of the things that people have said is really good that you were like, yes, they are correct, it is fantastic, it is good. Everything I've gotten is great. Or what are the things that people have been like, Yo, this is really good and you should go try this when you're in that city and
you've been like nah, girl. So I just I wanted to have a conversation about in your mind, what have the city's with the best and the worst food? Do you think it compares the home? Because the thing is, we're both from California, and I have some really spicy takes on what I believe is the best food in California. And also I feel like there are a lot of people who are lying about their food in their cities, and I just wanted us to talk about it. So I'm not gonna tell you what I have, but i
just want to. I want to see what you're what you've got to say, and I want to plus want it or I want to I want to put a negative next.
So you said you said expose myself, let me see the heat.
Okay, so let me say cities.
First of all, we'll say Cleveland, Ohio.
I will say that there's not like no one ever says good to Cleveland for food, Like no one saying good food there?
How did I did I eat? Sure? Was anything amazing?
No, But like no one said, no one saying Cleve when he said but Cleve it was. I was a fun city. I enjoyed myself there, but no one that I went to was no one knowing that no one that no one's ever liked.
Cleveland's best, blest place for some food. That's a lot.
When I was in Mexico City, someone said Rosetta, but bad for saying it, said Rosetta.
There's an Italian place in.
Roman Or someone said it was one of the best Italian places right now certified lies.
Because why because why was our pasta cold? First of all? Why cold?
My my my friend got up sausage boli that she was minced to the point where I was a girl that looks like sausage dust not dust dust. I got this like this, I got this like crab while was the crab not in the ravelly, but just.
On top of it, was just on top of the rabbit.
It was just it was not it was not nothing was giving and reservation only it's like hardy reservations. We luckly to walk in right like when they first opened. So they they did an empty table. Girl, I was like the the the the the civil lightning was at that restaurant.
I saw got make and I was gone.
I okay, in the city of all places.
Gotten performed, Got got performed. That next night, I also liked I also lied to God make. I also said, I got make, and that when I want to come and apologize, it's got to make. If you if you hear this, you said, hi, Gorge to me the picture, took a picture together, and I told you to your face, you chose a great restaurant. I had already eaten and I did not like my meal, and I didn't have the heart to tell you it was not good.
Now you had him there as well too.
I saw you have a little lying. I said, Noah, let me just tell you girl.
You get a great place.
And I lied to you, M Chris, and I help you insert.
Like sad music. As as I did all that.
I had, I had to come forward in confession. I'll do ten him Mary's exactly. So I would say that in New York, I'll say best. Someone said I have to try tie dinner in in like near Little Lily neighborhood. And I can confirm my ship was ten fire certifi busting.
Well, you were staying in one of the best areas of New I was, and I was there. I have been there. Shout out to Bernadette who took me to that area when I was there in New York.
And I'll tell you, yes, some of the talent people to tell me to try was not busting.
I was like, no, what I've had better. I've had a better Italian flud in San Diego.
And that, and that was as I was like, yeah, you know, not not all the best in some of the pizzas. Man, maybe you're not, so can I can I step there for seconds?
I definitely want to say this.
I you know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna leave you out there to get all of the heat. I'm gonna say that I don't believe. Oh, my friends in Chicago are going to be so mad at me for saying this. Everything I had in Chicago was awful. Everything I don't and I and and and people kept saying, oh, here go here. I've been to Chicago twice and the food just wasn't as good as people purport it to be. It's just not and I I I don't, I don't, I don't know what it is. But I'm just like,
and maybe that's because that's their thing. Like it's kind of the way we go up for California and we say, oh, this thing in California is so good, and people come to California like absolutely it's not. Maybe it's the same thing, right, Maybe it's the we you know, we gas up our city. But I just Chicago, absolutely not New Orleans. Go ahead.
Someone told me, someone told me, now, not too much on my city.
Now go ahead, one of the best. Oh oh, now your city. Not too much on my city. Sometime the best gumbo was gonna be this place, like like near downtown was not the best.
The best gumboy I have was was.
I lick of Stone off okay Lico Stone in the French Quarter.
The best poe boy and the best gumbo of my life.
I want to shout out, I am in So we're recording right now. By the time you hear this, i'll be home, but I will say I am in New Orleans. And they never fail. There's this place called Mambo, and like I literally, when I get off of this, I'm probably gonna order from them again because their food is just so good, and it is so consistently good from top to bottom. Everything I've had from there both The last time I was here, I was here for Essence Vest last year, and I was here this year. Obviously
this year's the last few days ago. I was here for a Bookstop, Mambo's fantastic. I've yet to try Loretta's. I know people keep telling me Therettas is one of the best places in New Orleans to go. Lorettas was not open today, and so I'm really sad because I'm not going to get another It's another time that I didn't get a chance.
To try it.
But yeah, I definitely want to say like New Orleans, by far, I have yet to have anything here that has made me go I never want to eat there again, like everything that I've had here, and I usually only eat mom and Pop when I'm here because I genuinely believe, like why am I gonna come here and eat something that I could get back in California? But they Yeah, I hear you. Not everything is made with the same love. But I will tell you right now, mostly everything I've
had here is good. Chicago not so much. I will also say Texas. Nothing that I've had in Texas has been good. Sorry about it. I don't care. San Antonio nasty, Houston nasty, Dallas nasty. I don't want it. I don't think it's good. I'm sorry, y'all. I just don't even the barbecue. The barbecue was like Mexican food maybe, but nah, girl, it's not given. What I'll say is given. Sorry, sorry girl.
Yeah yeah, I'm trying to think of Oh I will say this so I don't And if Quasm or if Heather listens to this episode, I want them to ping me. There was a pizza place that was in San Francisco that I had and it's probably the best pizza that I've ever had in my life, because baby, I don't know, I don't remember the name of it. I do remember it was by that park though, you know that park where everybody name I'm gonna go.
In San Francisco, Dolores Park.
I think so, yeah, I think it is. And there's that whole street. It's really busy. There's a pizza place right on the corner. It is so my god, it is the best pizza I have ever had in my life. And I've been to And I'll also want to say this. You know what, France, you ain't gonna get out of this one games either, because I went to France. Y'all tried to tell me that the food in Paris was good and it's not. Nothing that I had in Paris
was good except for that burger I had. That burger was the only thing I had that was good while I was there. I'm just saying it wasn't good, So sorry about it.
You heard it here first, folks, Yeah, you heard it here that everywhere, all these food places that these people be.
Said good, it's not as good as they try to tell you. So I will say this. If you want to prove me wrong, buy me a ticket to Chicago and give me a list of food with some money, and I will eat. I will will do, we will. I'm not gonna even say us. Give us somebody, somebody give us some money so we could go do a tour through Chicago, find all the good places to actually eat. Got like a guys, guys, you know the dives and drives.
We'll give us here on the Patreon girl, did you yes?
Girl, subscribers only and the sponsor us, Yes, God, yes, all right. Oh so I guess it's me taking us to commercial. Okay, all right, No, it's fine, all right. So now that we now that we now that we have officially lost some listeners, we're gonna take a quick break to pay these sponsors so we don't lose the entire show, and we get back. We are gonna be here with y'all's favorite segment, Yes ma'am, No, Man, Pam will be back in a way, all right, y'all. So we are at the part of the show our yes
maam and I know man. For those who are new to the show, we are basically this is where we talk about the things that we love and that we're celebrating. Are the things that we absolutely can't stand, are the things that we wish we'll just ultimately die and go away. And so this week my yes man, so I know, Man Pam's are very light considering that the world is on fire, and it's like, why should I add to
it this week? I wanted to say so. I had mentioned I wanted to mention this a couple of weeks ago, and I totally forgot because I think we got into a whole bunch of other conversations and it was something. But I definitely want to say shout out to the people in Huntington Beach who ultimately were able to get I think there were two different measures. I did my googles,
I researched. There were two different measures, and basically one of the measures was one to make sure that city officials or government officials had no dictation over what books could be put in the libraries in that city. And then another one was to make sure that the librarians would keep the power that they had while they were in like the people who worked for the libraries, the
librarians would be able to keep the power. There were two different measures and they both passed, and so basically what that being said, Basically, the people of Huntington Beach said, we want our government off of our like city things like we want librarians, we want the people, we want the community to be able to decide the things that
they think are best for them. And I just want to say, I think that is absolutely fantastic to see a city that is very very very very very red and conservative starting to kind of look around and be like, actually, I think a lot of this stuff is not as bad as y'all are saying it is. And for those of you who don't know the whole, a lot of it's not even just Huntington Beach. It's a lot of
these cities. They are trying to say that books that are inclusive, books like mine, books like George M. Johnson's, what they're trying to do is they're trying to label it as porn because it's talking about identity and gender expression. And so I think folks are starting to wake up and they're starting to realize that a lot of the stuff that they're seeing and folks, what folks are doing, are coming from a very, very very Christian nationalist ideology.
So kudos to them, my no man, Pam. You know, I genuinely have so many things that are on my mind. I could talk about our government, I can talk about just a lot of the stuff that I'm seeing in terms of how people talk and treat one another. But I think I'm just gonna go ahead and go back to something that has really been irking me being considering that I've been living out of a hotel for maybe the last month and a half, and I think I've said this before, and I'm just gonna say it again,
because you know, it bears repeating. It's called door dash, it is called uber eats, it is called I'm paying a five ninety nine fee and a six dollar seven dollars, eight dollars sometimes nine or ten dollars tip. I don't want to meet you downstairs. I don't I don't. I don't, and and I understand some hotels won't let you up. So I want to say this, I don't want to meet you at your car. I don't.
I don't.
I don't want to come out to your car. Leave it in the lobby. If I have to come down, I'll come down. But I don't. I don't want to meet you in the lobby for my food. I don't. I don't want to do that. Don't call me and tell me, oh, I'm outside, come get your food. No, no, no, no no no door dash you you find somewhere to park, put on your flashes, put my food where it needs to be. I will come down and get it or come to my door.
But I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not doing that with you. Sorry, baby, sorry about it. Yeah, that's where I'm at. What about you?
My yes, ma'am so sleep But also true, like the button says leave up my door, that means at my.
Door, at at my door.
Period, at my door, my yes, ma'am, pam. Honestly, I just it's just gonna be a doochi right now, like no pharticular reason.
I just love doch.
I think I'm sure done to dos you before too wants to do it again because I just I just I asked your music often.
But I was just like hearing those bleeds again, Like I put on repeat like.
Five times, and I was just like, this is just such a fucking bob like like it's just like genius beautiful, amazing, so dope, so like like lyrically lyrically blessed, melodically blessed like so it looks amazing, just like black as hell, like dough g yes game to you.
You ever hear this, please come on the show. We'd love to have you.
You're amazing nose bleeds to once today, Boombat once a day, you're looking fruitcake once a day, Black Memoir once a day, Like I just love doughhe so much. And no man, Pam is okay, so when you say to home, for there's a three mile droger to get home, and no one, I'm real, no one can just like y'all can't.
Drive in these streets.
Like I just no man to drivers because if you know, if you have to cross the intersection and you know that there's no chance in how that your car will make here across the intersection, just stay at the light. Don't go in intersection because now I can't leave my light because you blocked.
Me, because you blocked you in and now.
You're stuck, and I'm pissed.
Yeah, people are also if you see the bitch is like is stuck, don't honk, then you know they're stuck.
Girl, you honk and won't move them. You honking at me behind you won't help you out the girl, I.
Can't go forward because we're stuck. You think I'm gonna be showing you down.
I don't. I too have places to go. Leave me alone. If you if you see an.
Ambulance or police coming, pull it a side, don't keep it fast, don't.
And then and you and and and when when much are placed to leave, let's let the person assemble back into the line, because now you have a call that's criss crossed between the two lanes and they can't go either.
And guess what a bitch? You stiff again?
So I just you know who took your hard drive, who taught your traffic laws? And why do you do this? Everyone deserves driving rights. Let me give me a license. You're done, You're done.
Not the drive is right? Oh yeah, you're wrong.
It's not wrong.
Yeah, and shout out, just yeah, shout out to the people who who who get it. There. Girls, I'll see driving and I'm like, you get it, you get it, girl, you get it, get hit it. But they're girls who act like they're the only people on the road and the acting showing a whole ass, honey, And I just be so tired. So I'm right there with you, right there with you anyway. We are at the we are
at the end of our show. Please send us your thoughts, your feet back, your emails to Blackfatfempod at gmail dot com. You can also send us your thoughts via email, I mean, or via social media. Not via email, woo lord, I'm tired. You can send us your thoughts via social media by interacting with our post on Instagram and Twitter by using the hand of Blackfatfempod. We are on Instagram, we are on Threads, we are on Blue Sky. We are on
the tick of the Talks. You can watch us anywhere and everywhere, So yes, please find us, leave us a message, leave us a comment. We would definitely love to engage in Queen Jojo. Where can the dolls find you?
My sweet babes, You can find me at Joe Hoodanel's across all socials, my websitet journ jails dot com. If not that, you'll find me hoax smashing every vehicle it's in the middle of inter section.
I'll make sure that I'm.
Make sure that the dog, but I will hope smashing thro the car somewhere else in a dumpster connect.
Am I love that?
Oh?
I love that so much. Yes, babies, you've got to we've got to drive a little bit more careful than what we've been doing. Ask with me. You can find me and details about my the last up, the last tail end of this book stop and too our honey, my God. You can find all of that down to ww dot Doctor John Paul dot com. You can also find me on socials using at doctor John Paul. I have one more bookstop after this this episode drops, have one more bookstop in Minneapolis. I will be in Uh.
I will be in conversation over I think it's major and Quinn. I think that's how you pronounce it major and Quinn. So if you want to check us out, head over that way. It'll be me and Chris Stepman who are having a conversation and so if you know Chris Uh, they're great people. They've been very supportive of me and my journey, and I'm very happy to be in convo with them. But yeah, that's pretty much it, and yeah, thank you for everybody who has shown up.
You can check out my episode of Very Delta that came out last week. Head over to YouTube to watch that, or you can listen to it over on Moms of Moguls. It's a very very very very great episode. We talk a lot about donuts and we talk about diabetes, so that that was fun. And then also you can check out if you haven't had a chance to check out my episode on what is It thick Boy? Well, yeah that too, thick Boy. That episode came out last week. Came out last week as well, So thick Boy is
another great conversation. We talk about the book and then we also It's Our America who We Are Meant to Be is also on HULUCI you can go check that out. But other than that, a bitch has been work king, and so yeah, all of the things. With that being said, we want to thank our producer Ba Wang for handling all of the logistics and everything that comes with keeping this podcast, moving and shaking and grooving on Iheart's Network. Thank you, thank you, thank you, babies. We love you
to death. We'd also like to shout out our wonderful editor, Chris Rogers, because without him we would have no audio or visuals. Far down to the tubes of you. This has been another one. Stay black, fat, femine, fabulous, and remember what joho ween.
We may not be your cup of tea. And if you aren't girl, then suffer.
Tea period period. That's it. We ain't gonna even don't even get no water.
Just suffer.
Suffer you, Tommy Teddy said the kiddy. But the milk is still good. I love us for real. I'll see you next week. Bye.