An Ode to Altadena

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nobody want no subway. I just don't want it. Jersey Mike is not even that good. I'm sorry, it's not It's not the same. Did I lie? Did I lie?

which is fine. I look, I love bell, but the way I was like, Hi, y'all keep a christ No sign because yeah, what heavy with a quiz no? Amen? Amen? That's why you my people, that is why you were my girl. Also tell me why so is it so Togos? I was never like a basically on Togo was by God like like like we we would go, which is so because now today I like love sandwiches.

will be. It'll probably be special behind the scenes content for some for those who put that behind a paywall because I don't like people watching me eat, but yes, but for the for the listeners and for the watchers, we will probably give y'all some exclusive content, but that is a great idea.

they really be doing the damn thing. But also nothing is more sad then when you get a fresh set and then one bitch breaks off, like it becomes incomplete, like I have these, but then I have this little like half nub now and it's sad because these my real nails, like right right, these my real if y'all can see me, these my real nails. A bitch got length.

And so when a nail breaks, it hurts first of all physically but also emotionally because you realize you have to part with the beauty that you just have to sort upon you. So I just want to know that for this month, I have been changed in the worst way because my nail broke, and it makes me so sad. And this is this is how I cope with what around me. The world's on fire. The tree of my nail broke and I'm crying about it. So that's how I am.

don't know why that's a cue Colors. Yeah, it's just it's it's definitely my like I feel like I'm in my Green era, like I love Green so much. But anyway, we're gonna go ahead and kick this show off, and we're gonna kick it off like we always do. We're putting the ask out. We have said to the universe. Tisha Campbell is going to join us. One of these days, but she's not here right now. So with that being said, we're gonna celebrate her and are still here section? Are

still here segment? I should say and are still here segment? And I wanted to ask this week the question for the dolls is what is something that you are still holding onto that you need to let go of?

person's personality. But I struggle with confident when it comes to meeting guys because it's just it's not easy, and guys be sucking sometimes in the worst way.

like made out with whatever. Like I'm committing to the idea of people like people are fat phobic and then they don't they don't like my body, and I know that, and I know that there are I know that there are people who like who do who do like my body, But majority of people push you where I live are more fat phobic and I.

And so I'm trying to be in my like Dululu era of like like I'm walk around like everyone's fucking called that the damn day, but like I need to like go the idea that no one does because everyone does right without myself.

This is something that has really helped me kind of feel a little bit better about my own body in these last couple of years, you know, learning and seeing that statistics have shown that a lot of people who present as skinny and jim you know, Jim rats and I'm I'm trying to look at a lot of them don't even like the way they look a lot of them have a lot of body dysmorphia. And then even

on top of that, you know, there are statistics. I don't know the statistics verbatim, but I know that there are stats out there that show that a lot of the people who we believe that have quote unquote beautiful exteriors are doing really dark and really harmful things to keep those exteriors. And so that's something that I hope, you know, I know that I'm I wouldn't say I'm preaching to the choir, but I know someone could easily say, John, shut the fuck up, you have a husband, what are

you talking about? But I also want folks to realize and understand too.

And I could feel myself getting ready and looking at in the mirror and being like, oh, look at the way my belly hangs out around my Like I could I could hear myself beating myself up about how I looked in that in particular crop top. And then something just kind of grabbed me and said, well, people just gonna have to deal with the fact that you got a belly and they just gonna have to deal with it like that. That's where my head is now, like people just don't have to deal with this big body.

And that's the thing I really hope that you take with you, Joho, is that the person who loves you, the person who will come to love you or will will learn to love you, is going to love you. It won't be if if the only thing they see is your body first. I wouldn't want that person in my life for sure for sure.

shouldn't they also feel sexy in the relationship. Should they also be allowed to like find themselves and their partners sexy and like actually like like like just because you're married, don't mean you want to stop like like like you want to stop feeling desired, And.

you feel sexy? Like you know, the struggle of feeling sexy, But like I mean, to my point, joho, like, I think it is imperative that you really and again, I know, I know you know this. Again, I don't think that you'd be on the mic if you didn't. I know you know this, But I think it is really important to also understand that like this is like as much as we tell ourselves and we and again This is more for the for for the audience, and it is

for you. The same people that we're looking at and that we're idolizing about how they look and how they feel, they're probably looking at us and being like, damn, I wish I could feel that good in that body. I wish I could eat a sandwich and not because no again, people are fucking start. Like I saw someone today, like I was on threads and somebody was literally on threads talking about, oh, I cut out this, I cut out this, I cut out this, I cut out this, and look

how much I look, how much I weigh. And I'm looking at him like, nigga, you look hungry, like because you literally are telling us you're not eating. You're literally telling us the only thing you eat is like brown rice and chicken, and your start like you are literally so it's like I just really like in the shared piece, like I really understand what you're going through, and I think from like sister to sister, it's real, it's real

out there. But I also want you to like I want the audience to hear this episode and go, you know what, Doctor John and Joe Hornan Wright like there are a lot of people out there who, even if they look conventionally attractive, are still hating the way that they look, you know, and we don't talk enough about that. Hm. Well for me, you know, so I personally, you know, I know what I'm about to say as old as hell. And I also feel real about being super vulnerable on

the show. I'm laughing, by the way, not that Johoan. I'm laughing at our producer. So our producer had to jet. But they are on the They're literally texting us talking about quiz Knows for the Wind. So I'm just happy that I picked my team like I picked as the right team because they me and they know me. But what I was gonna say is, you know, one of the old things that randomly still creeps up in my mind and bugs me, and I know I need to let it go. All Keisha Cole. Now, Keisha, I.

and often knowing I could do it better. Girl, you're thinking to myself, well, why in the fuck did nobody hit me and asks me like that is something that I have to like literally fight with myself with when I see certain things that I just have to tell myself, like, girl, it's okay for you not to be included, like you're already doing a lot you already have. You know, you already have eyes on you the way that they need to be on you. Don't worry about the people who

didn't ask you. Just know that next time when they come around to ask you, you might be bigger and the check might be bigger. And that's what I keep telling myself these days. I keep telling myself they may not ask you now, but one day they are going to and when they do ask you, you'll be able to charge them more. How you're doing, how you doing, how you're doing, and so that that is literally what

I've been like reveling with. But I know for me, I have to constantly tell myself, you know, and this is it's funny because I actually went to lunch with with doctor James. Uh today and you know today as a a week ago y'all here, But when I went to lunch with doctor James. For many of you know, doctor James is a friend of the show and lives pretty close to me now, and so we try to

have lunch at least once a month. And in our talk today when we were like talking and going back and forth with each other, it really was a conversation about recognizing, especially now, that are good enough is good enough, and that there is no need to constantly be vying for like attention, like you don't you Like, yes, we want to be seen and we want our work to be celebrated, but this need to constantly feel like everyone has to always be in your inbox celebrating you, and

you have to constantly pushing to be celebrated. That shit is all. So I'm just very much this point today where I'm like, my good enough is good enough?

In the national average, I think it's forty percent. The city is also majority minority, meaning that majority people color live in the city. One fifth of them are So since you won in twenty people are black for contacts. According to twenty census in San Diego, only thirty one percent of black residence own their home. Myself in one of them. So that really is a huge.

But I also think last week we didn't really both of us really didn't have the capacity to really like dig into it this way because it was also and it still is fresh, And I think that's the hard part about this is like even when you drive over the ten or when you're looking around you know, Los Angeles, or when you're on social media, we're still seeing homes that are still burning and sore. Again, it was a

little little fresh for me last week. But I'm glad we're diving into it now because, as you all know, we talk about intersectionality on the show, and one of the intersections that we have to talk about is this idea of how oppression impacts the buying power, moneies, home buying, all of the things that you think about and in regards to being a black individual living in southern California. And I'll say this, this is not in the script, I'll say this, and then I'll go on to making

my point. You know, I know a lot of folks who listen to the show. Specifically, when we look at the stats of the show, there are a lot of people who are on the East Coast and in the South who listen to this show who don't understand the

racism that lives here in southern California. And so I thought this, you know, when we were talking about doing this episode, I said, this is the perfect time for us to engage not only the stats, but also to engage the history of southern California, so folks have a better understanding of what's really what has happened here, but

then also too what is happening here. And so one of the things that I see on social is that it often feels like the only time we engage our history in Southern California is when pain is on the horizon. And what I say about that is it's like, so, for instance, like the only time we ever really talk about racism is like with Rodney King, or when something like this happens, right someone black or black people are

impacted by something. And with that being said, I wanted to note that before we talk about the importance of talking about this on a grander scale, did you know one of the things that I found in doing the research for this, did you know that historically black towns also known as Friedman towns, emerged primarily after the Civil War to newly freed black people who were establishing their own communities as a way to seek political autonomy, economic independence,

and escaping the racial South. So it wasn't even like people were just saying, oh, we want to live around

black people. It was basically them saying, we don't like the racism that we're facing after coming back from the Civil War, so we're out of here, like we're out of and and that, And in a lot of ways, that actually makes a lot of sense because, again Tyra me being Tyra Banks bringing it back to me, my grandfather lived in Alabama and was also in the Civil War and ended up in Los Angeles, so did my mom's father. My mom's father also saying thing, well, so no,

I take that back. My grandfather, my grandfather on my dad's side, is from Mississippi and was in the Civil War and migrated after he came back. And then my mom's father, I don't think he was any in any type of war. But what I do know is that he lived in Alabama and he hit the brick when he realized that his parents realized the racism was too bad.

They also moved to Compton, California. And so, yeah, like we I feel, I don't know how much you know about your background, but I know for me, I know that like seeing this this, this proves this rings true for me because that's exactly how my family landed in Los Angeles.

began to build wealth and then people. Then the white folks, the white the white Toulsons had uprising and attacked and destroyed I think two million dollars worth of infrastructure, which today would be like millions, millions more and really ruined the opportunities for a lot of black folks to to to be to to to create wealth in their own lives.

It's important to note that you know, this happens in a lot of black a lot of black areas, alter included, and it happened a lot more in the nineteen thirties because of red lighting. Now, this is something folks to add to the lexicon in case you're not familiar with red lighting. It's a discriminatory practice that prevents certain races mini black folks. But but but I'll name like like.

These often created were formed the sense of like covenants and restriction covement restrictions for buying property or or like or the guidelines of like real estate people but like oftentimes we Blacks, Asians and Jews, preventing them from accessing

homes and financial services. This problem, this process was established through maps that banks are insurance created that shaded areas of more racial density, So people living in those areas that we're seeking services like mortgage loans will be denied

for racially motivated reasons. Interesting enough, and I did not know this, actually that the the f h A, which is I think the federal Househusing administration sponsored red lighting from nineteen thirty said that spot bons bons like they like that means the government, the government, not even seven years of the government itself was saying, yes, bitches, you bear redline and you and negroes in getting shipped from us like that is well on a federal level, Yeah,

we love that stuff because I thought I thought it was just I thought it was a covert practice by banks and stuff, and I was like, oh, the government was out here being like you girlha red by not shit.

the next couple of years. You know, as much as we think that we've made a lot of progress, I really felt it was important for us because again, this is what we're seeing in the news. We're seeing people on out in Altadena, specifically black people now being approached by these developers already, like they haven't Folk hasn't even stopped, and developers are approaching them and are saying, we would love to buy your home. And it's intentional. It's not

necessarily just because the plot of land is available. It's this idea that in a lot of these developers' minds, they want to make these areas, specifically areas that have a high population. And that's why you see, like if you're from and so I'm again gonna go off script, if you're truly from LA and I'll tell I say this, you know, kind of in the same way. So when me and Jojo were trying to put this together, I

had asked them, I said, are you from Oakland? And they said, no, I don't claim Oakland because I'm not from Oakland. I want to make it clear that I'm technically even though I was born in LA, I only really lived in LA probably I would say about thirty percent of my life, and a lot of that was visiting my parents, visiting my parents' parents, visiting cousins, visiting friends that my mom had and different people. Right, So

I got glimpses of LA. But even with the glimpses of LA that I got, what I do know for a fact is that if you go down to Pico and you go to Slawson, and you go to all these different areas of like the quote unquote black areas of LA, if you would have gone there around the nineties or the two thousands, you would have seen that there was a very high population of black people. Since then, they have all been pushed out. So that is the reason why Lamart Park is now white, right, same thing

they've been pushed out. That is the reason why Compton does not look like the Compton I grew up with because a lot of black people what have been pushed out. And so that is exactly what this conversation is about. It's about even though no one is inherently redlining the way that you know, the Federal Housing Administration did in the nineteen thirties and nineteen sixties, they are still using those mechanisms to make sure that black people, black and

brown people only live in specific areas. And so I think it's imperative that we mentioned that. And so I guess you know kind of I want to sale of that to say, for folks who are thinking about Altadena and other areas like Baldwin Hills, where again there's a whole bunch of black people who have some coin, it's important to keep in mind that these black areas didn't just happen right Altadena just didn't pop up one day.

Many of them, because of systemic racism, have been pushed out into these areas because they could not buy a home in Pasadena, they could not buy a home in Monrovia, they could not buy a home in Azusa, they could not you know what I mean, like all of these

neighboring cities. They were pushed into Alta, Dina because somebody was saying from the Federal Housing Administration in the early seventies, in the early eighties, even though they weren't inherently redlining, they were still doing it, and they're still doing it if you really think about it. So okay, So now that we have done this history lesson which as you

can till I'm super passionate about. I love talking about history, especially when it comes down to looking at how systemic racism plays an important part in how we move throughout

not only just the state but throughout the world. But I did want to ask you, you know, I know I had mentioned earlier that I know that you're not from Oakland specific, right, so I want to make sure that we don't have people jumping into our dms and being like, y'all wrap in LA and y'all rep in Oakland and y'all Nigga's not really no, that's not what we're saying. We are familiar, Okay. I want to make it very clear on this mic that we are familiar.

And even though you know, for me, Oakland was always kind of an anomaly to me, because when I would say anomaly, it was always something kind of like I looked to Oakland with stars in the eyes because I loved and I still do, I love people from the Bay, people from the Bay, and that's probably what made me gravitate towards you. I just love the culture of the Bay and so I would love to know, like, considering you grew up so close to Oakland and information another

bit of history. Do you do you know why Oakland does have a large population of black people?

how did that shape the way you viewed yourself? And the only reason why I asked that is because I'll talk more after you about my time in Compton. But I know that some of the things that I saw in Compton growing up as a child is what impacted a lot of the way I see my life now, but yeah, I would love to know your your take on that.

since errokely black. But like I will always up East Bay. East Bay to me is home of the culture in many ways. And I always said this question was great because it pushed me to do some research into the region that I grew up myself. The data is actually really wild. So East Bay, right is a subregional the

Bay Area, anchored by Oakland. And according to published data in my county, Alameda, when I was growing up, roughly within seven people residents and census were black, right, So like, so roughly if I left my house, every seven person, every every single person I was going to see was was gonna be a black person. So yeah, it was a majority minority of county, and my city was also a majority my minority. Like, growing up, white feltsially made

up I think thirty eight percent of the population. The main polation was Black, Asian and Latine. Black folks at that point made up roughly fifteen percent of the population, right, So that that's the one and seven. And so it's interesting because I always tell people like, growing up, I feel like I definitely grew up in a multi racial bubble.

So when people so like, if someone would tell me, like, as a kid, if I quote unquote like didn't see race right like quote unquote, I would have understood that because I truly felt people like we all looked different, we all look different, and that never meant anything bad. And so I grew with the privilege in that way. To know that we I had to see a lot of bipop faces around me and a lot of bipop

successes in terms of jobs, education, homeownership, and essentially. Right, kind of a flip on the head of a suburb where you know, where I grew up was a suburb of vocal with essentially and football has headed because we don't know suburbs were made for white flight in the first place, right, and so to be in a suburb where everyone was really multiracial as well. It's different now because when I was looking into the data, right, so now we're in the county, less than ten percent of

people are black. So when I went from one in seven to one in ten or one in eleven, people are gonna be black. Additionally, right in Oakland, this is fasting. Some sixty thousand people have left since I think since since the twenty ten census, right, yeah, a sixty thousand black folks, I mean since black actual place that had a certainly hute relation of black cloths like twenty seven percent now is a like thirteen something percent, I believe.

So it's so fascinating to understand that, like the migration patterns of people. I will also say, white folks also are lesser population now. So now where I grew up, white folks were growing up were forty percent and now they're like twenty six percent I think, like they're in the twenties. So interesting, So like in some cases it became more minority majority, but maybe one only one one ethnic racial group. My minority became more of the majority there,

So interesting to see how how that happened. But also like, oh, of course it did. Because now when I go back, right when I go back to businessespecially when I go back to the city city, which is San Francisco, folks, you know what that means, like in slaying terms of the city. There's much less black of people that I see, you know, I and I think, I say a lot with people worth with you. Like my my brother where he lives. Now, this is a this is a street

where he grew up on. And I think his family, his you know, his loave of buss memory, her, her, her, her husbands still alive. She lives on the other side, the other end of the street, and he lives with his his aunt and uncle and but but the house. They've owned the house the past, like those houses in the past eighty seven years. And they're the only people I think, on those streets who like who originally own who owned those homes versus everyone else's love there have

kind of been pushed out. Now it's like now we go there, it's hello, white folks. No, one's not many folks of color and stuff. So I'll just say, yeah, super interesting stuff.

you know, black spaces and black places. Is really thinking about this idea of this, like I really want people if there's nothing else you take from this talk is or from this episode, is really hearing this notion that

there are a lot of people who probably struggle. I think that's the thing that has hit me so hard emotionally and it has made it so hard for me to talk about is thinking about like I think about what my so for instance, like I said, like my grandfather on my dad's side, he goes through everything he goes through in the Civil War. He gets a little bit of pocket change, he buys a home in la and he says, I want this home to be in

my family, and it still is. Like one of my uncles still owns the house where we grew up and where we were well, actually he just sold it, but it's still in the lineage like my uncle still is like and I wouldn't say sold it. I think that he basically rents it out and he basically allows people to live in it. But the reality of the matters he still owns it. But I fail of that to say.

I think for me, it's like to be in that mental state of knowing what you've gone through to build a life and a home in an area that you probably were pushed into that tbh, you probably didn't really want to be in. You probably want it to be and like I said, a Pasadena, or you probably wanted to be somewhere along that line of Glendale, or you want it to be somewhere in the more prettier and the more burbank even maybe and probably we're told you

can't live here, right, like we're not. We won't sell a home to you. You need to go to Altadena right to buy a home. That that that is something I have been thinking a lot about this week. And so you know, not to get away from me talking about my own experience. I think for me, that's where my heart is. I was gonna post about it and talk about it online, I said, I'll just save it for the pod. It has been really, really, really hard for me to watch so many black people that I

either know or black people that I know of. It's like I said, I when I talked with James today, James said, we are all like one point five people removed from someone who has either been impacted by the Pacific Palisades Fire or the al the Eating Fire. And it's true, like I have a thing at this point now it's four people. I have two people from the Pacific Palisades Fire, and then I have two people from the Eating Fire that I know who have lost their home.

And it is just very much in the mind of like, you know, and they're and they're all black. And I think that's the thing that's hard for me is to process that. But I tell that to say, I love

hearing you talk about growing up in the Bay. For many of you who know me, I've probably talked about this, and I actually talk a little bit about this in my book too, Plug Plug, But I talk a little bit about this idea of engaging in my like not really, I grew up being engaged in my blackness, but it was always it wasn't something that was always kind of in my face until I got to Compton. And it's

because you know, my mom. So a lot of people may or may not know this about me, but the only reason why I actually grew up in San Bernardino was because of everything that was happening in LA at the time. When we were growing up, we used to live in Paramount. For many who don't know what Paramount is. Paramount excuse me, kind of borders al Monte and East Los Angeles, and we were living there. We were going

back and forth. We were going back and forth, and then everything broke out with you know, basically the riots. And there was two different riots. There was a riot in nineteen ninety I think it was, and there was another riot in nineteen ninety one. And the first riot was the little I forget the young black woman who it was, a young black girl who was killed. Yes, yes, that was the first riot that kind of made my mom go, I don't know how I feel about living here.

And then we had the Ronnie King riots and I actually remember now I will say this, I remember to the day being probably I think I was around six, and I remember being at my grandma's house and I remember like walking outside towards the car and seeing the corner store go up in flames and asking my mom why are they doing that, and my mom saying, don't ask no questions, get in a car, we gotta go, and we high tailed it out of there, And that was kind of the first moment of my mom saying

we need to get out of here. So I always have to say my mom is a part of what they call that Black flight that fled to the Inland Empire because they were trying to get away from a lot of the stuff that was going on with the LAPD and blah blah blah blah blah. And so that's also partly why I tell people that's why San Bernadino

has such a high population of black people. One it was affordable, but also two, a lot of a lot of black people came from Los Angeles because they were trying to get away from the riots and a lot of the issues that they had with the LAPD. And so, yeah,

my mom would talk to us about that. Even though we grew up around a lot of Latinae and Asian folks here in San Bernardino, I still got a lot of moments and love from being in Coompton and going to the corner shop and going to churches and going to Kmar and seeing you know, living Montillanda lived across the street from the you know, the railroad tracks, and so they're having the donut truck man come around like that.

That for me, those are the two there are two things that really signified my youth in terms of blackness. Is the fucking donut truck that would come around. Did you have a donut truck growing up?

with all the best candy. And I don't remember her name, but I do remember her living across the street from my grandmother, and my grandmother, from what I know, still lives, will live somewhere around I think it was one hundred and sixty eighth, but man, my god, it was. It was just absolutely fantastic. The days, you know, on the weekends when we would go stay with my grandparents, my cousins would come over, shout out to Steven and Renea and my cousin Alicia and Aisha, and we would all

sing and dance and have a good time. We'd go to the candy lady's house. We'd play tag in the front yard. My grandfather would come out with his bb gun and be yelling at us for being on his grass. But those like that was Compton to me, like it was just and it was and it wasn't just us. It was a whole bunch of other black kids that we knew and that we hung out with, and it just it really made me adore the moments that I could escape Sam Bernadino. Not because I hate it living

in San Bernadino. I mean, obviously I still live near it now, but I think for me, there was just a sense of blackness that really lived with me when I was or what carried me when I was in

Compton or when I was in downtown LA. You know, when I was in certain elements of paramount growing up as a kid, and even now sometimes when I go visit my my grandmother and my grandmother lives in Torrance, and just seeing all the black people in Torrance and and how how much they support and love one another, it's just it's just a beautiful thing.

well too. So like the next three years are gonna be very the next ray is gonna be very very big years for LA. So I'm curious to ask you, and I mean, right, like this is like totally like just like just thoughts to win, But like, what do you think we'll see happen for black communities in the region. Do you think they'll be pushed more put to the

ie do you think they'll be pushed more south? Like I think we're already seeing, I'm agression pattern of people from the Bay or even LA coming down to San Diego. Like look like like like on threads, I see a lot there are a lot of black like young black folks from moving to LA, and we're moving to San

Diego from LA. And so yeah, I'm curious of what do you think might happen because I know that you know, there's a lot of work of like how now they have to rebuild LA, but they also gonna be with people the government right of Vala will be we're building LA in a different image because they want to have an image that the people who come for these porting of can also come and quote unquote enjoy. Yeah, so I'm just curious your thoughts and all that.

all of how much? Because because I will give it this, it is expensive af to live anywhere in California now period. People will say, oh, it's a cheaper. Nope, there's there's nowhere cheap. They're cheapish places to live, but there are there is nowhere cheap. And so I worry. I wonder about that, how how all of this is going to impact the costs of living in terms of where people

live and how they afford to live there. But I also will say, like I just I wonder if we're we're going to see you know, growing areas like Alsodina that will eventually are you know, inviting you know, hey, black people, if you you know, you you lived in Altadena, you may not want to live there anymore, or you may want to move or you're coming from the Bear or whatever, come to this black part of you know, Escondido. I'm just throwing that out there.

spaces and around black people. Because again I tell people all the time, you can feel just just because you're behind a gate and you live in a quote unquote nice area doesn't mean you're safe. And I think that's

the thing a lot of people remiss. And I could go on for days talking about, you know, the fabrication of that in my own mind, of how you know how much racism and how much you know anti blackness you experience in a quote unquote nice area, you know, because you decide in your mind you think that living behind the gate is going to say, I mean, there is no quote unquote safe space when you're black, queer, that you're when you're marginalized. So yeah, I don't know,

I don't. I guess that's my long way of saying I don't know, but I definitely, I definitely want to just send my love out to anybody who's thinking about migrating anywhere here in California, but also the people who are migrating because not because they want to, but because they have to. So yeah, all right, y'all. Well, with that being said, we have given you a ride on the Magic school Bus for the last forty what I

feel like, forty five fifty minutes. But we're going to take a quick break to refuel, and when we get back, we are going to get into our next segment where we talk a little bit about community. More in a second. All right, y'all. So for this week's UH set, we decided our next segment. We decided that we're going to go ahead and bring back Go Love Yourself because we haven't really been in this bag for a minute. And

I with Go Love Yourself. The thing that I was thinking most about is really wanting to kind of like touch on something that I think we kind of hinted at in our conversation, but we really didn't like get at. And we were talking about this notion of community and So with that being said, I wanted to ask you, especially with us being who we are at our big age, and this was something that I had also brought up

on social media. I had said, you know, I'm thirty nine and I don't feel like I have a I feel like I have I want to like this clear, I feel like I have good people around me, but I don't feel like I have a quote unquote strong community because so much of my true community was from college and a lot of them have like left, Like my community is in Atlanta, my community is in San Diego, my community is in San France, so like my community

is like virtual at this point. But for those of you who are in a sense of like I'm a social butterfly or I want to make you know, I want to I want to find the people. I want to find the dolls, you know. I think that's one of the things that I've been thinking a lot about, is this notion of how black people are black where people can find communities. So, because I think of you as a social butterfly, this week, I wanted to ask you.

You know, I know that you're a little bit younger than me, and so I don't say that with how do I say that.

them over people that don't like community. I think good community looks like people I can enjoy both unstructured time with and structured time with. Right Like there there was there's an artfull that came out I think like last month or a few weeks or a few weeks ago, where like or was that last month or in November?

It was about how like having unstructured time with friends actually builds deeper relationships, right because now in the age of digital media, right, but before your we never just roll up to your house say hey, or I was in the neighborhood. I want to say hi, right like people just knocking on the door and say hey, or what were you doing? And so if I come up to your house and hang with you without us trying to do something in particular or ghost in particular, then

that to me feels like a community. And anversely, if we go out, are we having fun?

Or do we have different conversations with each other as much as we have the easy ones, right, Like, I don't want friends I don't to me to me is not people who just like say tell me, tell me what I want to hear In that say, like, I want people who will like hold me accountable and challenge

me on shit. I think finding community has a different because I'm someone to write like I join I joined this quite queer queer kickball league, and so I've had, like I've made quite a few friends that I believe will be like lifelong friends from that experience. You know, I think this podcast gives us a chance to meet new people. My job is to new people, So like you know, I'm I'm also the person that like I

think I can be friends with anybody. I've had to learn to stop doing that because I have learned that actually you can't make everyone's friend. Unfortunately, you know, I think you can, but I think I've also realized that when I try to be everyone's friend, I then lose focus on the people that like have like like make me who I am and push me to be the

best person myself. And so now I'm in this space of I'm the negotiating when it looks like to build small, build smaller, build more community in small ways while recommitting myself to my kid they already have in bigger ways that way, right that way, Like you know, I don't feel stiding it in just like in not having new things or new people, but I'm really nurturing and growing with people that have currently because that really, that really is what makes it good for me, and that's what

that's what that's And then I think the ways I'm finding it is like just also doing new things, Like now I'm also trying to There's this app called it's called Time Meat or something or something Time something, and it's about basically you put in your like your like interests and then it can make. It basically creates a dinner for you with five strangers. It sounds wild, but I'm gonna try it for when it's like eighteen bucks.

how you identified you you? And it usually if you're in an area where they have it okay, like a range of a region, right, And so for me, they have it in like in like within fifteen minutes in my house, and so I put this information and then it matches me with five different people. And then it basically like we'll book a dinner for us somewhere and we will meet there and as all strangers and like connect. So it sounds wild, but like like I'm gonna try.

Basically like we have become two used to reservations, Right, so we become too used to requesting what table we want, and we're at that we have we now like essentially created more social anxiety for ourselves.

feel like, right, there's this there's this call. It's like, we build the technology to make lives easier and more convenient. But there is a point in like, has a convenience come at the cost of, like, our inability to be social, our on ability to like, you know, has been too convenient,

been has been being too convenient? Damage our ability to like hold empathy and hope perfective, it said, damage our ability to like see people where they're at and be and being being community with others, and so this app sounds very fasting, So I'm gonna try that as well to report back. He went for me, there's a lot, I said, John, how about you?

blah blah blah. And what I'm what I'm what I think I'm reveling with is and this is something that I've had to have conversations with some of my coworkers about. There's a certain feeling like the only way to really explain it is you have to be from the inline Empire.

You have to be a black queer from the Illin Empire to understand the feeling that I have because San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, like a lot of these areas where there's like a certain kind of gay there's community there, right, But when you get into the ie, if you don't if you don't show up a certain type of way, or you don't look a certain type of way or do what other people do, then you're kind of cast

to the side. And so I think for me, it's been really hard because and I also say this too, like I think there's also something and again I don't know if I need to go back to therapy over this, this is something I need to work through. But I also think too, like growing up in my mind, there was this picture that was painted that by the time I was thirty nine and forty, i'd have friends knocking on my door, like Martin or like living single, where I would always be with these four or five people.

We'd be having dinner, we'd be laughing, we'd be going on trips, we'd be doing and I don't have that, and so and it's not and it's not to you know, it's not a poor it's not a you know, boohoo cry for John situation. I'll be transparent and saying no, I know that A part of that is I'm too fucking busy. I know, I know. A lot off it is this girl has a lot on her play and she's doing a lot, and I don't really have a lot of time to just sit around my apartment with

people and chit chat and have fun. But there's also a part of me that still feels like I'll look around sometimes and I'll be like, I don't have anything planned with any of my friends, and it feels kind of like lonely. So I think a lot of it is again you have there's a certain type of growing up feeling you get being from the land Empire. And I also say this for people who live in small towns.

You probably know exactly what I'm talking about. But there's also this element of being a black queer in a small town that very much is like leaving to go to other big towns and other big areas. And oftentimes, if you're not that girl that's gonna get up and drive to San Diego or Los Angeles every Saturday or every Sunday or for brunch. You're pretty much as sol, you know. So that's kind of where my mind was. So that was that was my way of me saying a lot, even though I said I wanted to say, I.

you and not ta No, that's not for you. Booth that her.

you're traveling this week. So I hear you when I tell you, Like as much as it may seem like we're laughing and KEI king, it's just and like I said, this is what I've been saying a lot of the people in my circle. It's so hard to see like it just it feels like since January first, like not even January first, since December seventh, it has literally felt like one thing after another every every day, back to back, there's something else and I'm just going, I don't know

how much energy I can have. So I'm I'm I'm very grateful for I guess I'll say that as my guest. Part of my guest, ma'am is I definitely want to say, so I'll start this way and then i'll end it with what I'm what I was about to say, So I'll say for me for this this week, I'm just gonna it's a very simple guest, ma'am. I want to shout out white people who are actually using their platforms

to do what's right. And what I mean by that is is and it can show up in any way, I'm not talking about one specific thing, but I definitely wanted to shout out I have so. I was on her podcast last week. Meredith Flinch has a podcast called Ali Specific, And if you follow me on social you know I've mentioned why that why me being on that podcast was important. Go find my tweet or go find

my my post. You'll see what I'm talking about. But what I what I do want to say is I've learned that Meredith is not just using her platform to further her platform, but she's helped several of black creators, some of the bigger black creators that you know of, she has had one that has helped them get to the level that they are at, including Francesca Ramsey. And so I definitely just want to say, like, I appreciate when when white like, like I said, I've I've said

this over and over and again. I'm a huge fan of the the podcast.

you being a good white person. I need you to do something. That's it. And when I say, do something, that means anything to eradicate this and to make this world better for people who look and live like me. So again, Jesus, like, I know that there are a lot of white people right now that I want to give the side eye because I know for a fact that they voted for that man. They have family who voted for that man, and they could have done more

to get us to a place. But I'm also but I don't want to spend my time like mulling over that over and over and over again. I want to celebrate the people who are actually doing good work, the women and the men and the queers and the trans people who are making space for people who look and live like me and are saying I'm gonna I'm gonna do what I can to uplift you. So I definitely wanted to make that my yes man for this week, my no ma'am. So I was reveling with a few

other things. But today as I was driving home for running errands, this thought came to mind. Actually, while I was listening to the I've Hatted podcast, I wanted to say, my no man, Pam this week, are maga people who

make maga their personality. And what I mean by that is like the way I was thinking about it in the car, Like the only way I can say it is this, if you have if you if if being a part of a group of of a sect of people is the only thing, because I know someone would say, oh, well you make lgb being lgbt Q your identity, you

make being black your identity. Well, nigga, that's who I am. Like, I'm gonna talk about it, and I'm gonna create around that and I'm going to move throughout this world because I can't get away from those things. Maga is a choice. So you are making a belief system, a sect of people, a sect of a group of things, you're a person that that to me is what's scary. I'm gonna just

say it this way. I think the only way I can say it so it makes sense to people who are who might be listening, is that if you have to being a part of a certain group of people or a part of some type of organization your personality, Baby, you're in a cult. I just I That's the only way I can say it. If the if everything you do comes back to that thing. And I'm not even just talking about I'm talking about anything. You're You're a part of a cult, right. I don't make Beyonce my personality.

I love that woman to death. She can't do no wrong in my eyes. But the reality for me is is that that's not my whole personality. I'm so much bored beyond.

that's what they want. They want us to be bugged. They want us to stop talking, they want us to shut down shop, they want us to go away.

dead to us. So with that being said, Queen Jojo, where can the dogs find you?

girly bag. I really'll it's more than I'll ever be able to do because I am not a con like I'm not. I'm not gonna be that girl that is going to run out with the video camera and then come back and edit it and put it up online. Y'all not gonna. I won't. I probably will never be that girl, and I'm sorry. I'm kind of sorry about it, kind of. But as for me, I'm what I will do is I will write and there's a book that you should buy, So head on down to the ww

dot doctor Johnpaul dot com. You can find me on socials, but you can also find me on the corner telling people and passing out fliers letting the girls know that this book is coming out and you need to pre order it because we are, what about around sixty something days away from the release, and if you don't have your pre your pre release, you're already doing a disservice to black fat fems. Yes, I'm gonna, I'm gonna shame you into buying my book. Buy my book. Otherwise, I'm

exclusively on Blue Scott and Instagram and threads. If you try to find me on Facebook, good luck with that because I rarely use it anyway. With that being said, we want to thank our producer By Wang for handling all the logistics and everyone down to the I Halt Media so keeping this show up and running honey, you know, thank you so much room to keep the show moving and going. We also like to shout out our wonderful editor, Chris Rogers, because without him, we wouldn't have no click

click click click. If that be no visuals, that'd be no show. There'd be nothing in your ear for us for you to listen to. It'd be a really sad day, be a really sad day without Chris around these parts. So Chris, we love you and thank you so for all that you do for the Blackfefin Podcast. This has been another show. Stay black Fat, feeling fabulous and what show hot.