Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host, Blogger, podcaster, and speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love. This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado, let's welcome your host, Crystal Welch, and dive head first into this episode. Good morning, friends and family
and fans and everybody. Crystal Welch here. I have the great pleasure of speaking with my friend Venus again today, who's so much fun to talk to. I mean, we just get lost in conversation and I hope it's of value to someone else because we sure have fun. But anyway, you're going to want to follow her.
She has the only matchmaking service for cuckold sincere cuckold people at venusconnections.com, and that's an innovative thought and a lot of people that are interested in that, so I'm regularly sending them your way. So thanks for doing that. And then her regular website is Venus cuckolders.com. Great site, great content, and you'll enjoy it a lot. So anyway, be sure to go follow her and and find all the wisdom that she can give you.
So I thought we would take. I contacted her about a week or so ago with a new kind of development on my side and I thought it would be an interesting topic to take up. And then I just got another question from one of my followers this morning. And the question was, what happens? How do you prevent yourself from getting involved with a bull? Or what happens if you fall in love with a bull or a bull falls in love with you? Nah, what the hell you do then. And so, so that's actually
happened to me twice. No. So. So I'm going to sort of just walk you through my experience but I want to call on Venus to to share her experience too with how she manages connection or lack thereof, that lack thereof. We all want something a little different and the challenge I think in this lifestyle a lot is I've had a lot of challenge finding acceptable lovers or bulls or whatever you want to call them or classify them.
A lot of what I see that a lot have come out of, you know, maybe the swinging community and they my impression has been, and this is just my experience, I'm not speaking to all anybody, but my experience has been that they're mostly happy with, you know, being able to just like stop over, you know, give you some Dick and then drive away. And you know, there's a place for that in life. There's, you know, there's a place for that, but it's not what I typically want.
I I want more connection. I want more somebody that I can actually get to know, somebody that I can be friends with and somebody that there's chemistry with. And it's been very, very, very hard to find. I live in an area that is not geographically diverse you know and when you're you're chosen partner is always black. It's it's harder it's it makes it harder. So so anyway I want to launch at Venus.
Do you have any thoughts to open this up with it and I'll go ahead and share my experience and then we can unpack it a little bit. But what are your initial thoughts like have you found yourself trying to avoid connection or trying to make connection? What is your particular approach when you are with or you find somebody that you're attracted to? How do you, how do you foster that? First of all, thank you so much for having me on the show once
again, I love chatting with you. I feel like we can just like dive into these things and just pick it all apart, put it all back together to try to better understand it. So I really appreciate the opportunity to be able to be on the show with you again. So thank you for that and this topic. This topic is like, it's so complex and it's so deep and it's so provocative and it's such a big issue. I could call it, I guess, an issue. In this lifestyle.
It can be an issue. And so I'm so happy that we are discussing this part of it, this aspect of it now, back, way back when, when I first learned about a couple of things, I was like, wow, that sounds like amazing. You can have this amazing, loyal, a loving partner, and you can also have these amazing sexual experiences on the side and it be just everything that you want it to be. And I was just like, oh, that's
awesome. But then I was like, I was meeting cucks who really wanted to find a woman who wants that romantic connection with their bull as well. In fact, some who wanted them all, us all to live together and I was fascinated by that because I'm like, isn't that a little dangerous? Like don't you think that maybe you could be replaced or something or you no longer need it in that situation? Isn't that like risky for your
relationship. And. And one of my coke friends explained to me, he said, actually it is that level of risk. It is that level of of fear and angst that at that of danger, that makes me want it. It's appealing. And I was like, oh fuck this, The mind of a cuck is something else. Let me tell. You right? Nobody thinks like them but them. And I'm like holy shit. Like that's brave, man. That's fucking brave.
Like brave. And and then I came across stories about and I have over the years of of guys who have you know indulged in this lifestyle with their wife and then their wife leaves them for the bull. I hear this not I want to say often but enough times to make me feel really shitty about that. Like that sucks and it's devastating and their relationship ends and or their marriage ends and sometimes they have families this breaks up their family and like it's it's
really devastating. And so I've heard stories like that. And I've also heard from cucks that most of the cucks who say that they really want that boundary there where there's no feelings involved between their girlfriend or wife and the bull because that's fucking scary and don't wanna go there. And I I don't wanna compromise our relationship. And so that is like a hard boundary for a lot of them because it is their biggest fear of losing their loved one to a ball.
And so, like, it's amazing we don't talk about this more often in the lifestyle. Like, of all the conversations that we have, they're all very sexy. They're all very fun. It's very like, oh, this is hot. You know, let's talk about interracial. Let's talk about big Dicks. Let's talk about, like, sexy scenarios and fantasies and all that sort of stuff. But like, we really do need to explore this topic of feelings
getting caught. So I have witnessed couples who their relationship has ended or it has been in deep, deep trouble because feelings were caught. And I have witnessed relationships that have been OK and been able to to transition into that kind of Poly triad kind of dynamic set up. And I've been asked many times over the years, you know, what are your feelings on this? What, what kind of setup do you want? And I my answer has a little bit, you know, changed a little
bit over the years. In the beginning I was like, well, you know, I don't think I could do the feelings caught thing because that sounds very complicated. I mean, polyamory is fucking hard. It's not easy. It's not easy to pull off. And I know this because I have friends who are polyamorous and I hear it all the time. It's hard. It's not easy. And so I'm like, OK, there's there's that part of it. I just feel like that would be
really complex. But also, I do have this underlying feeling that my, my, my relationship with my husband might be in danger if that were to happen. And so it scares me. It really does scare me because I've been in love before. You've been in love before, we've all been in love before. It's fucking like you get all caught up in it. You get to the point where you're not thinking right, or you are making decisions based purely on need and want and not on rational thought.
And so it's scary. I know the potential for fucked up decisions to be made on my part and I'm in love. I know we've got real capacity. I have made mistakes. So have I ever. And so yeah, I have this real, real thing about, you know, maybe I would lose my husband and I don't really know if I want to go there. Now, having said all of that, I do look for connection with my bulls. I mean, I can absolutely fuck somebody and not have to have connection.
I could just have, like, you know, whatever, let's just fuck. But like I over the years have been able to really realize there's so much value in that kind of emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy that you have with your partner and it this idea that it has to then no matter what snowball into love. I don't buy that shit. And I think that that maybe originates from those people who think that sex equals love. And so if you have sex, then it should be love.
And I'm like no, no, no, no, no. And so that's why I'm like people can have sex and it not be a full on relationship. It might not even be a relationship at all. It's just a friendship and like, this is so hard for a lot of people to understand, but I don't think that it necessarily has to go down that road of falling in love with somebody. I have not fallen in love with a bull. I have definitely had platonic love with a bull.
I've had a bull fall in love with me, and that was disastrous for our relationship because he wanted more, he needed more. And then he was heartbroken when he couldn't have more. So that was, oh God, it was the best Dick ever, too. Had to give up the best Dick ever. Oh no, I. Know tragedy. But yeah, no, there was just it was too hard on him. So. So yeah, I think I just blurted out like a whole lot right there.
But those are my feelings when I think about this subject, about, you know, where I'm at. Well, thank you for sharing that and and you're right, it is it, it is so much. It is. There's so much involved in that discussion and A and a billion different variations of it. I mean, for every person that exists on earth, that has their own whatever, their dynamic is, this whole arena of love and relationships can be complicated.
And when you're playing in the dynamics that we play in, it's even more so. So I'll kind of explain how my thinking has evolved over time and how I I like the point that you brought up, like and this is the question that I get most often from others is when they find out that I have an involvement. Well, what does your husband think about that? You know, what's what's his
response, what's his. So, so we'll unpack that a little bit because he and I have spent a great deal of time unpacking all of this over years over years because every person that we meet that we have an experience with, it reshapes us in some way and it's so it's just evolved. But so I'm like you I, I don't have any stuff about finding somebody that I'm attracted to and just helping them. I mean there's I mean what the. Yes, I say yes to that.
Absolutely. Let's go however, on a longer term basis and part of this is based out of my own, I think based out of my own frustration from the difficulty of finding acceptable partners in the area that I live in. So how that has that that lack of exposure to people that I'm attracted to has certainly shaped my point of view and my methodology and how I've gone about this. And then when you throw into the mix, you know, almost three years of COVID isolation, I was always a connector.
I mean, I always, I've always considered myself demisexual. I I need connection, you know? And if if I'm only going to see you once and we're both open and honest about that and we both want to do it, well, there's no problem with that. I'm all about it. But for the most part, it's so hard for me to find somebody that I like anyway. If I find somebody that I like, I want to see them more than once. And I want something of quality.
And in terms of the sex and the connection and the communication and just the enjoyability factor, for me it requires connection. So I say no, a lot more than I say yes. I mean, I had a guy that emailed me two days ago, haven't talked to him for months. He says, hey, is your teenager at home. I'd like to come by and, you know, give you some Dick or something like that. I mean it was just, it was just about that grass. And I'm going like, what what planet, what planet are you from?
I mean you could have said, hi, how you doing, Hey, what are you doing today? You know, it's just this assumption I think and I think it's especially this is just my perception. I could be completely wrong about everything that I think. And so I'll disclaimer that right off the bat, but I think it's especially common when people are approaching a married woman.
They just assume that they don't have to put anything into this at all because I have a husband and all they want to do is throw out some Dick and that should be good enough. And and mostly it isn't for me. I just don't find straight on Dick without conversation and without something in common. Maybe couples are treating him that way and that's why he assumes it's the norm. Yeah, I I don't know. But it's it happens often enough that I I think it's pretty it's
just pretty common. So. So I just thought, well, you know I want what I want. What I want is somebody that's at least willing to put a modicum of energy into this, to be friends, to get to know me a little bit, let me get to know him a little bit, and then we can decide together how we want everything to go. And so that's sort of been my MO all along.
Well, so I'd given up. I had given up on finding my husband and I had talked some time ago with another lover who wanted to be a full time polyamorous throuple with us. Unfortunately, he didn't inform his wife about that. So it didn't work out. Right. Right. But we. Yeah, I know. See the so it's like that, you know, you find one that you really, really like and everybody gets along and everybody's all about it. And yeah, maybe you ought to tell your wife.
No, I don't think so. OK, See ya. So anyway, that's how that went. But so I've just been going along and I just assume that, you know, at once in a blue moon, I might find somebody that I find interesting, but it really is blue moon time. So anyway, about must have been March or so this year. Really, very recently I met a man and we just had a wonderful first date, Just very engaged conversation, lots in common, funny, smart, conversant about a
lot of things. And we decided that we would see each other. And so I was happy about that. I thought, yeah, this would be, this would be a great guy to get to know. And so anyway, we started seeing each other. Well, he's not been terribly available because he happens to be employed by the NBA, which just eats his life away. And so he's gone more than he's here. He he does live in my city, but he's gone especially during the season and then I'm fighting
even after the season. You know, there's a million other things he has to do for his thing and so and as we speak he's in LA recuperating from exhaustion. And so, yeah, so I got, I got to do regular old wife nagging on that. And you know, you know, this is also what they sign up for. Wife nagging like, fuck you guys, work yourselves to death and then you die 10 years younger than us and what the fuck we keep telling you to carve out some more time. But you know, so so I reserve
the right to nag my lover too. So anyway, he's a wonderful human being. He's the one out of the clear blue sky. Not too too long ago declared his love for me and I started thinking about it. So the first conversation I have is with my husband, you know, and I said, look, I really like this guy. I would like to see what's available here. I don't know, you know, just getting to know each other.
But the more that we saw each other, the more that it became apparent that we we were, we were absolutely involved. And I wanted to be and he wanted to be. And my husband is completely OK with it. He's already thrown up the white flag. Like I know you're way more than what I can manage on my own. So please call it. Please call in the help, you know. And that's that's kind of his position. But so anyway, so that's how
we've been going. And so it's given us good, I think, to answer one of the issues that you brought up, like how how do we engage in this and not threaten my primary relationship with my husband and what he and I have talked a lot
about is this need for. And what frequently goes stale in, I think all kinds of relationships, not just marriages, but this new relationship energy when you're just discovering someone and there's a lot of passion and that all that all that feeds into that new relationship energy. It's a real thing, and it energizes my husband as much as it energizes me because it's like like the whole dial gets dialed up about 10 levels and there, you know, and it's charged and he gets, he gets
some of that too. We're very, very clear on no matter how involved I might get with someone, we are not. We've already been through 2 divorces, which were incredibly, staggeringly expensive for both of us. Both of us paid out these massive settlements. So there there's an issue of practicality here. There's no such thing as more divorce in our world or we might as well just, you know, jump off the roof. So. So we don't even accept that as
a possibility. And I know for many people that that's, you know, they're not in that situation where they feel like, gosh, if I felt vulnerable enough to love someone. It it might, it might challenge my loyalty to my partner. My husband and I are not experiencing it that way. We we have fully signed off on. We believe. We always believed, in theory, that as human beings we have capacity to love more than one person.
That doesn't mean that you have to take something away from person A in order to love person B, but it is more complicated as you said, you know it requires, I think it requires that all three people be highly emotionally intelligent, very open, honest and authentic about what they're feeling and what they need and how they fit in. And we have been able to do that in the in the short amount of time that we've been together and so so, So we're going down that road.
He probably is very likely going to move in here temporarily. He's just building a new house and that house obviously construction is behind as all construction seems to be while his house is getting finished so he'll so then we it forced us because we do have a 16 year old that lives here. We had to sit down with the minor child and say we didn't. We're in a custody. We're.
I don't want to drag everybody through our whole drama here, but we're in a custody battle for this child and we have not had her full time until now. She's requested, she's requested that my husband have take full custody of her. She's become alien, completely alienated from her mother. So now we have a minor child in the house, which complicates our adult activities, you should say. So what we did early on, and my husband took this on of his own
accord. We sat down at dinner and said, you know, we wanted to talk to you about something. You know, it was never necessary until now. But now that you're living here, we felt like we wanted to let you know that we are Polly. And she knew what Polly was. And, you know, he said we've always been that way. It's just was no, was not necessary to talk to you about it, 'cause you, you weren't here and you wouldn't have an occasion to meet anyone. But you know you're going to
meet this person. You know, we had plans to go to brunch with him and we did last, I think it was last week or two weeks ago and she was totally cool with it. So. So that's something, you know, for for my husband to tell his only child that we are embracing this, that he's comfortable enough to share that with his child and and we were prepared to respond any any kind of appropriate way to her if she had concerns about it. But she's cool. I mean she thinks, you know, she
doesn't see anything wrong. I mean, the younger generation doesn't have nearly as much stuff about this as we do. I don't give a fuck, I. Don't. I don't. It's like, hey, of course you do. Isn't everybody, you know, It was kind of like that. It was kind of like that. And so that part's been really easy and really fun.
So, so I get it that for most couples it can be a huge threat that very, you know, if if you take this the scope of all human beings and you, you narrow it down to this very, very narrow stratum of people who are interested in cuckoldry. And then you further narrow that down by cuckold couples that are willing to actually branch out into polyamory. You know, we are a a minuscule subset.
It's a very, very small subset. I most people that I know of, our friends that are swingers and whatnot, most of them, most of them make efforts to not get too attached. Sometimes that means, I mean and these are people that actually have access to people that they're attracted to, unlike me, that they have enough to choose from that they can do that. You know, it just that just wasn't an option for me.
So. So that's kind of how we landed in this I, you know, who knows what's going to go because you know, come October, you know he's pretty much gone for the next eight months after that. And so on his side of the fence, I've gotten some questions about this like why would a bull want to get all involved in a cuckold or any couple.
Well, the answer for him, his answer was from his own perspective is that he has this very challenging career that takes him on the road 8 months out of every twelve he makes. It makes it he he's felt like it's been impossible to foster a primary relationship because of that. He because he's he he just can't be a full time partner at this time. Now he's planning to retire next year. So maybe this may be the fact that he allowed himself to become vulnerable this time and
get involved in this. It might be. That might be part of the reason. I don't know. I haven't asked him that. But it's possible because here's what I think. I believe, You know, we're all just people. All of us want to love and be loved. All of us want to desire and be desired. We all want that, you know, on what terms we're willing to accept. What's available to us, I think is where the real questions reside. And so for us, I want somebody that I can be connected to.
I'm too. I've been too isolated through COVID the zipless can I just come by and fuck you Guy is not interesting to me. In spite. I do have moments in the day and in the late night that it sounds really good to me, but he's never around then fuckers are always some other odd time that I can't, you know, so tiny, tiny. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you know ask a little bit more often to find a time that works. So I don't know it, it is complicated.
But I felt like it's worth it to explore this a little bit just because I know that other people have concerns about it, don't wouldn't know how to navigate it if it if it happened, you know. And one of the things that I can see can possibly come up. And again, we haven't had enough time to really write the ground rules for what we're doing. But when he goes out again with, you know, when the season starts again, does he, is he going to expect me to be mostly celibate during that time?
Oh yeah. You know, and it's like, I don't think I could do that. You know. Just like you and I were conspiring to make a sandwich with some king at at Mokai. You know that could still happen. I don't know. But you know, I, you know, so so it's speed bumps like that that you have to work through. Like what am I going to do? If he says I absolutely, positively don't want you being with anyone else, even when I'm on the road, what's my response going to be? So I have a couple of months in
here to think that over. But bottom line is it's going to require that all three of us sit down and hammer out the ground rules. Because I'm not going to, you know, I'm too far into this, you know, I could tell complete truth to my husband and then I end up cheating on my boyfriend. You know, it's that doesn't seem like that's in integrity. So we have to we have to figure that out.
And I don't know what the answer is going to because I'm, I don't feel like I want to sit here, you know, And there will be things like mocha or something that will come up from time to time. I'm not a swinger. I don't go to swinger parties or anything like that. But Mocha's fun. It's really fun. It's really super fun. And so anyway, that's that's kind of how we got here. It it will be an unfolding story. But I think it's, you know, it's relevant for us. We we do, both of us.
My husband and I both embrace the notion that human beings do have the capacity love more than one person and it doesn't necessarily have to destroy the first one to accept the second one. And so we are, we will be practicing that over the next however long this thing might last. And so that's that's what we're doing. But yeah, it's complicated. It can be complicated And like everything else that that you and I have both always talked about, you know, communicate,
deep communication is the key. Where's everybody at? What do they want? And I think the key thing in finding a partner is to, whether you're looking for a cuck, A cuckoldress or a bowl, you have to find the person that wants what you want. That's like the most important thing. You have to find somebody that
wants what you want. And so that's a that's a question I would take a deep dive into When you're first meeting people, You know, find out to the best of your ability or to the best of their ability to know themselves, you know, what actually do they want? You know, in this case, my boyfriend wants all the goodies of a real relationship and not in a real position to provide that at least not 12 months out of the year. But he still wants it.
He still wants it. So should he not have that because he's got a complication over there? I don't know. Who am I to say he shouldn't have that? So anyway, so that's how we go. I think what you said about emotional intelligence being critical to the success of you know this working out. I think that is totally true. The communication level that has to be on point. It has to be on point.
But there was something you mentioned that I can I I get, which is that whole new relationship energy and that's what you want and that's what you seek and you enjoy and you're feeding off of it. He's feeding off of it. You're all three. You feeding off of it and it's great and you're in that stage, which is like amazing. What happens when that fades? Because I think it can and will at some point. I mean, this is sort of the whole point of Doctor Lei's book Insatiable Wives is that we do
get bored. We get bored, we get bored, we just get bored. And surprisingly, women quicker and more frequently than men do. And so it's very, very possible that that would happen, which is, I guess why my answer to that is you have to circle back and figure out what your agreements are. You know, if I find my, you know, if this person over here, absolutely. His happiness is dependent on me being only with him and my husband. You know, is that going to play with me? I don't know.
It's. Complicated. Yeah. Don't. Ask me the hard questions. Keep me with us. That's a simple question. Not the hard ones. Yeah, that's that'd be really hard. That'd be really hard for me. So. Because I've seen, I I know you said your bowl is like going to be moving in temporarily. And I get that. It's it's helpful a situation for him while he's waiting for
his house to be built. But I have witnessed couples in the lifestyle where the bull has moved in permanently with them and their kids and everything like that and and I wonder about that and like, if that new relationship energy, it is fucking amazing right now, it is everything. You are on cloud nine. It is great. It's all exciting and everything like that and you can't imagine it ever changing. And it does. I mean we're we're all adults. We know how it works with
relationships that goes away. And then all of a sudden you start to get annoyed by how they, you know, leave the toilet seat up or you know, like, you know, their real fucking shit comes in and you're like, oh man, this person's starting to piss me off. And like, it's fun as it used to be. And like, there's chores and there's, you know, all this regular shit and you're like, the honeymoon is over. Right. No. And that's that's very real.
That's very real. I I think that's just realistic. I mean, it's one of the other topics that you and I took on. Maybe it was the last time, you know, how do you juggle these two conflicting needs? You know, your need for safety and security, your need for adventure. Well, just because you have a husband and a boyfriend, you still have to confront those that conflict even with the boyfriend or and any subsequent boyfriend.
How do you find safety in it And how do you find, you know, when the when the need for adventure asserts itself, what do you where do you go with that? So yeah so we're nobody's immune from those two questions. I don't care who you're with or you know, my my husband would say, well the obvious answer is you need like 5 boyfriends. You know that's what he would. And we say yes, yes, if you could just find 5 that I would like I'll do that and you know he can't and nor can I.
So you know that's a false. That's a false notion, but well, is. There is, is there? Would there be an option? I'm just thinking this through, like, you know, if you are in love with your bull and he's in love with you and you think this whole situation can work out and you know, in your mind it seems like, yeah, we could do this and you've had the conversations and everything like that.
Is it something that you can plan out and be like, OK, we're going to do this for now and it not be like, I'm going to, you know, you're going to be part of this triad for the rest of our lives kind of thing. Like, you know how when you commit to your husband, you're like, I can't imagine my life without him, right? You're like, I love this man. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this man and I get
that. But when it comes to bringing in this other person who you love with the same amount of love, probably. Can it be something that doesn't require that lifetime commitment and instead just be like, this is gonna what's gonna work for us right now? And we'll see where that goes. I mean, I think part of the conversation, yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, we need more physical time together, all three of us, to just air out a
lot of this stuff. But I think that's absolutely that's the most practical approach of anything. I mean, who knows what next week will bring or next year? You know, we can't possibly know that. So the only the best I think we can do now is to sit down together and say what each one of us what do each one of us want out of this? How do we see it going and what what is our, you know, what are we striving toward? And is there an intersection of that?
We all meet someplace that we could agree on. But I think it's it's the same thing that happens in all Poly relationships sooner or later that, you know, the secondary lovers, you know, as much as you don't want there to be like a value judgment on it. Well, there is. I mean, I'm legally married to a person and not legally married to the other person and. And so how does that skew priorities and commitments and stuff like that.
So I I just don't think there's any, I don't think there's any way to pre plan that. I think the only thing that I can see to do is to just continue to be totally open and honest about where we, where we are, what we want and and any agreement, I mean, if we're gonna make any agreement right now, it's the agreement to be completely honest about where we are and if things change that we're going to have enough integrity to let everybody know. Yeah, I don't know what we can
do beyond that, really. And then just take it a day at a time. Well I I had a conversation with Kennedy because she my friend Kennedy because she brought up this that term platonic love for both and I was like oh that's it. Because you can have. I think in my experience anyway, deep connected feelings with a bull. I mean and then they're they're a really important part of my life and I value them so much outside of just the sexual realm.
And I think the really interesting thing about that is I don't know if that person's going to fall in love with someone and get married and I never have that. You know I don't see them anymore. There is that unknown of I don't have this person for the rest of my life, but I love them in my life right now. And so there's something so interesting about that because you don't feel that way about your husband, 'cause you're like, I love him and I'm going to be with him forever.
But then you also have these people in your life who you don't. It's kind of like you don't know what the outcome is going to be. You don't know when that day is going to come, when they are going to, you know, move on and do something else and whatever you'll be, you'll be happy for them. Sad, but happy and but you, you just don't know. And I think for me anyway, the fact that that does feel temporary helps me to appreciate them right now in the moment even more because you don't.
It's not guaranteed you don't have this person in your life forever. Right. Right. So I think there is that possibility of being able to have those really amazing feel feelings with someone and but still realizing that, hey, this might not work out in the long run kind of thing. I don't know. Right. No, I think that's, I think that's very sensible and it's it's a sensible, practical approach to it.
We have friends. We have a couple of friends actually that got deeply involved with the bull. And then in both cases the bull became frustrated with not having the wife be exclusive with them. And so they left the relationship to find somebody to be with them, just one-on-one and and everybody's heartbroken, everybody's heartbroken. And then in one case, the bull came back saying he made a terrible mistake and he'd rather have her partially than anybody else completely so.
So this is the complexity of human beings, you know, that could happen at any time. And I think when you're talking about a secondary partner, the the piece you can never anchor in is the safety piece, 'cause it's not safe in terms of there's no guarantees here there, you know, there's no guarantees that this person's gonna be here next week or next year, you know. So the the safety component is
not the same. You you can still have the adventure component, but without that commitment, I guess. And I'm not sure that I'm even looking for that. I mean, it's just it's just unfolding. I'm trying to just play this day by day without. Oh, I can imagine that it must be a lot to process.
It is. I mean, me sitting up here in, you know, no man's Land in terms of finding the kind of man that I am typically attracted to and then you find one that's just like all in. I mean, it's, yeah, it's a lot from my old brain to wrap itself around and it's super fun and I like it. But yeah, we have all these things to discern. I I don't know how it's going to go. You know, what I do know is that I'm confident that both my husband and I live with
integrity. We're not looking to take advantage of anyone or misrepresent anything that we're doing or anything that we are. I mean, actually, my bull's biggest challenge will not be me and my nagging. It will be my husband going well, we'll find three more bulls. That's this answer. You know. And the and the other guy's going, no, no, no, I don't want that. No, no. You know, so he's gonna have to rein in my husband. So. I can see this like the actor's in a sitcom. I can just. See it?
Right, right, right, right, right. The husband's saying go. The boyfriend's saying no, stop. So anyway, yeah, so that's kind of how it is. And it's it's enjoyable, but I thought it was a good conversation, a good conversation to have with you, just because I do think it needs to get aired out. These are deep questions that prevent a lot of people from stepping forward just to explore things 'cause they think, Oh my God, what happens if that happens?
What happens if that happens? And they get so many of those what ifs that they just don't move forward at all. So, you know, and another part of our general philosophy is none of us know how much runway we have left in life. We just don't know, you know, we would rather roll the dice and live, live as large as we can, have as much love and foster as much love in our life as we can, and with no guarantees that you know that it's going to last past tomorrow.
I mean, we don't have any those kind of guarantees, but we would rather take the risk and play play big while we can, you know, 'cause there'll come a day that we probably can't. You know, my my dear husband has already made me promise that if I drop dead, then I will him to you.
So what? So one of these, one of these days, you know, if he shows up on your doorstep with a little suitcase and a bow on his neck, you'll know that I have passed away and and and he will be my special gift to you. Oh my God, I love. You at at his at his request, he goes, yeah OK you can go ahead and die as long as I can stay with Venus. So anyway. Oh my God, I know. So, so yeah. So a little bit of humor and a little bit of authenticity, and that just kind of gets us through the day.
Well, I think it's absolutely great and brave. I, I I will say it's brave of you guys to go down this road together, but it sounds to me like you have such a solid relationship and that like really really high level of communication and honesty that is required. So you have all of the tools already that you need to be able to do this and so good for you. This is a relationship where the woman asks for what she wants and gets what she wants, and
that's what you're doing. So. Yeah, yeah, that that was my first impression. Like, jeez, it's like the dog that caught the car. You know what? You know, my eyes going, what I caught the car. What, this thing I thought I always wanted. Now what the hell do I do with it? You know, it's like, what? But no, it's it's really true I think. And the and the moral of that story is patience. You know, if you, you know, it might take you years and years to find what you really want. It might.
It might. But what's my alternative? You know, I get back to that. I only have so much runway left. What's my alternative? Do I just give up? Because it's hard. You know, my choice was, well, I'm going to keep, you know, interviewing people because I just don't know. I don't know what's in the cards. And you know, he came tripping down the road and here we are, so.
Well let me just say you had the easiest search for a cock husband and now you've had the hardest search for a bull and I have had an easy time finding bulls and the worst time finding a cock. So there you go. Or even I just can't imagine that you have trouble finding a cock. And so you know, if we lived any closer, I I would. I would lend you, I would lend you mine. And he could he could be a cold cuck or something like that. And I don't.
Even know that like you just like you, you're not looking for a bull, you're looking for the bull. And I'm not looking for, just. A cuck cuck, Yes. B, is that right? Yeah. The one. The one. Yeah. Yeah, the one. And I'm confident that you will find, I mean, A, with all the stuff that you do already and you know, you're fairly high profile. I'm confident that you will. But the truth is it's not easy for any of us.
And that that's my last message of hope for our listeners is none of this is easy necessarily. It's just you get to define how do you want to invest your life energy for the time that you have left, knowing that none of us know how much time we have left. You get to pick how do you want to invest your life energy in finding the things that make your heart sing. I mean, there's no other question really but that one.
And then then go about that business knowing that it it might take way more time than you wanted and it might be harder than what you wanted, but what's your alternative? Exactly. What's my alternative? Nothing so. Netflix and chill till I die. Well, I love the. Saying of yours, I don't know how much runway I have left. I'm like, that's so perfect. You have the funniest sayings of anyone I talk to. Is so funny. Well, yeah, I I think that, yeah, it's true. We don't, we don't know how much
runaway we have. And we might as well be about the game of life and and playing it our way. And, you know, it's kept us alive and thriving and happy. And you know, I'm never, ever, ever bored with my husband ever, ever. You know, his solution to everything is you need a new boat. And I go, Yeah, you're all right. Where the hell am I gonna find one of those? He's the child. Venus has got all the bulls. I don't have any bulls. The Venus no sharing is caring.
Absolutely, I'm 100%. Well, you know what? We should, we should continue this chat on the Moan app, I think. I think we should It would be fun if we should. We should. Let's do that. So OK, so we'll wrap this up for now. I will put all of Venus's the contact information. Oh, I did get your magazine article uploaded on my website, too. I want to let you know that. Oh, wonderful. It's it's such good content. I will put all of the stuff in
the show notes. But for those of you who do not have the Moan app, that is an app that you can upload on either an iPhone or an Android. Now it's Mon. Wherever you get your apps, upload that app and and then look for an episode. We will schedule that and continue this conversation and then we can have it live with you people that are interested in the topic. So that's a. Great idea, I can ask you. Questions. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you again, Venus.
I always love talking to you. We'll we'll come up with 10 more weird things to talk about before, before the year, before the year's done. OK. Talk to you soon. Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest blog and podcast at C Welch Poly on Medium and find her on Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review wherever you listen to your
podcasts. We appreciate it and we'll catch you in the next episode.