Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host vlogger, podcaster and speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love. This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado, let's welcome your host, Crystal Welch, and dive head first into
this episode. Hello people, I am so happy to bring an exciting guest to you today. I've been waiting to meet her for a long time. She is prominent in the cuckold space and a great podcaster. So she is Venus Cuckolders and she's the host and the host of Venus Cuckolders, which you can find Venus, I think it's Venus cuckolders.com. Is that correct? Yes. OK, so you can find her there,
and she's also the founder. We want to talk about this a little bit later because this might be of interest to some of you. She established Venus Connections, which is a unique I I've not heard of another one anywhere, but it's a unique matchmaking service designed for loving cuckold relationships. So if you want to know more about that, definitely be in touch with her because she she is the woman that you're going to want to listen to and she's really credible in the in the space.
So I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome. I think this is going to be a fun chat. So the idea that we had, because she's an advocate of cuckoldry, as am I, I thought it would be a good topic to take up why more women might want to consider cuckoldry as a relationship alternative to if if you're monogamous now or if you've tried maybe polyamory or some other form. We want to go through some of the benefits I think.
I think that's what I have a couple ideas of why more women are hesitant about cuckoldry, and I I want to know your thoughts on that too. Venus, because I know you have some, I think primarily women, are afraid of shame. I think that's one thing that keeps them from pursuing looking into this a little bit deeper, and I think the other major reason I probably got this from Doctor Ley.
They're afraid if they proposed cuckolding to their partner that it might interfere with that primary relationship. And so I think we we can take on both of those and maybe offer some ideas about how to navigate that just to open up the conversation in case they're curious and how to how to champion that conversation forward. If anything that we make, anything we say today makes sense, which hopefully it will. That's our goal.
So Venus, I would love to know, why don't you go ahead and tell her guests, I would like to know how did you become a cuckoldress? That's the first tier of the question. And then a longer question I want to get into a little bit later and much deeper is what are the joys and the benefits that you personally have gotten out of this lifestyle choice for yourself? Well, first of all thank you Crystal for having me on the
show. I'm just so happy to be able to talk about my favorite subject and I think that this is going to be a wonderful conversation because yes, there are so many reasons why women really should think of a loving cuckolding relationship as an option. So to start out your with your first question like how did I become a cuckold? Just how did I get into this? I actually knew that this was the kind of relationship I wanted before. I knew what it like that it was even possible.
I knew about swinging, I knew about non monogamy. But I had always thought that there had to be this level of equality as far as if you're allowed to do that, then I'm allowed to do that. And it was constantly a very like setting those rules, limits and boundaries where everybody was comfortable. And so I thought it was a always have to meet in the middle kind of thing.
And I knew I didn't want that. I was just like, you know, I just want to be able to do what I want and have someone really happy to for that. And I just was like, I'm never gonna get a guy to sign up for this. Like, there's no way, there's no way that a guy would agree to that. It's not fair. The unfairness of it is what I thought. I would never find a guy who would sign up for that.
But then I matched with this guy on Tinder, and he started telling me about this kind of relationship, and he didn't use the word cuck or cuckold right away. So he was just talking about, like, how he really enjoyed the fact that I had no plans on being monogamous, that I wanted to sleep with my friends with benefits whenever I wanted and stuff. And so he's very intrigued by that. And then eventually he did use the word, the word cuck. And I was like, I don't know
what that is, but all right. And then then when I learned, I was like, Oh my God, are you serious? This sounds. Really a thing? It's really. And I but I thought it was just like, I thought he was just very unique. And it wasn't until him and I broke up that I started looking online and researching this. Not really researching, but just looking up that cuckold thing. And I was like, holy shit, there's a lot of guys out there that are down for this.
And so that was like a big moment for me because like, I I had no idea it existed. And that was one of the reasons why I first started blogging, 'cause I was like, if I didn't know it existed, I bet there's a bunch of other women that don't know it exists either as an option for a relationship.
So as far as your your second question, what I get out of it, there is so much benefit to women in this kind of relationship because you get your loving and adoring partner who you love with all of your heart. And you also get these the ability to explore your sexuality on your own terms with whoever you want in combination, which is usually not something that you would ever like,
connect the two with. Like you want to sleep with other people or whoever you want, whenever you want, if you want. And he's not only going to be OK with it, and he's not just going to be settled for it and say it's OK and he's not going to give you a bunch of rules and say, well, OK, you get to do that, but I get to do this kind of thing. But he's he's actually going to like, cheer you on like celebrate like, yes. And the more you are like that, the more he is happy and
fulfilled. And I was just so when as a woman you have that, you have that, you have this loving, adoring, loyal partner who will celebrate you for the sexual being that you are. And So what it really does, I think at the end of the day, this kind of relationship empowers women to ask for what they want and get what they want. And that's not something that we are used to doing. And yeah, so there's.
And of course if you are already in a relationship and you and you bring in cuckolding, it's just going to amplify the love, the trust and the communication that you have. It's and your sex life is going to be the most fun ever. Yes, you have. You have entered the Unicorn. The Unicorn zone, Yes. Oh, that's very, very interesting that you thought of the idea before you knew about the thing. I mean, that's really fascinating to me because that just tells you that there's.
And actually, I've been doing research recently that backs up what she just said about women are in fact looking for other ways, other alternatives to monogamy. And I'm going to share a little bit of that with you. But I just wanted to respond back that it is kind of like Unicorn land when I have talked to women who have asked me, you know, why are you doing that or what's that all about or what
what do you get out of that? You know my quickest down and dirty answer it it is exactly the cake and eat it too scenario where you know, most women I know have always dreamed of a loyal, loving, devoted, you know, partner who supports you, doesn't try to compete with you and just, you know, just loves you in that way. It's not that easy to find in today's world in in my experience. And I've been married a couple times and man, I fell out with
monogamy big time. And no. And I just knew that I would never go back because you know, I ended up alone most of the time. It was lonely and not connected. And I thought why would I have all of the obligations of monogamy and none of the benefits, you know, of a partner that's never there. A partner who's not really interested in what you're doing, a partner who is not really interested in you at the end of the day. I think that's that's a lot of women and a lot of their relationships.
And so I actually advertised for a cock. I knew what it was. I had never had an ongoing relationship with a cock, but I knew what it was. And I actually put an ad on Craigslist saying, hey, I'm a busy professional, I I would like to be hooked up with a cuckold man. And that's about all I said. I didn't. Bother to describe myself or you know, really nothing. I just thought, ah, this is an experiment. Nobody will probably, well Craigslist and for anybody that ever used it back in the day.
You know if you are female posting, you know, I'm a £300 gorilla and who were female, you'd still get 40 responses out of there. So I left, I left that little ad up about, I don't know, 10/15/20 minutes and my husband actually responded to it. He was the first one to respond. We decided to go have a drink and I thought, well just be interesting, see how this happens. And we just clicked. We just talked a mile a minute. We had had some similar experiences with marriage and
monogamy. I asked him, you know, why would he respond to an ad for a cuckoldress? And his his explanation was he had been a swinger for a period of time with his ex-wife. But he realized that the joy that he really got was in watching her not really participating. And I'm like you in that I didn't know a man like that existed.
I figured all men, if they have opportunity, especially like at a swinger party or something like that, they're going to be jumping on everything they can jump on. Not true. Not every man is designed that way. And and as it turns out, I I don't know how you're. I've got the impression, I mean a good portion of my followers are cuckold, cuckold males or men that want to be. And it's probably 1000 to 1.
They're all clamoring to figure out how do I find a woman that will cuckold me. And so women, this is something that we want you to hear. These delightful men are out there and they're and they're looking for you. And they they are loyal, they are loving, they are attentive. All the things that you always thought relationship should be. I personally never found it till I was with a cuckold male. And and you know, there's not a chance in the world that I would
ever leave him. I mean, why would I? Why would I have, I have everything. I have everything in the world and I gotta. Add a new. Lover on deck on Friday, with any luck here, So, and he's excited, he's gonna go skiing. He doesn't even stay here. He's gonna go skiing. He goes, I hope you're in bed with, you know, Joe Blow over there, you know, when I get back from skiing. So I said well that's what I hope too. So anyway, it's fun, it's playful.
It's been tremendously satisfying at the communication. I'm sure Venus has a lot to add in terms of the communication that it requires at the tail end. I think both of us can offer, you know, what we've learned in terms of how do you broach the conversation, how do you introduce, if this is an idea that's intriguing to you, how do you sort of introduce it to your partner or somebody maybe that you've just met? How do you go about that?
And I think that might be helpful for people, but I wanted to share just for a second this the research that I recently found and this is a big research study. They it, they took queries, it was over a 10 year period and they took anonymous web queries on Google, basically Google questions, hundreds of thousands of Google questions. And the result was showing that the words related to polyamory and open relationships have significantly increased over time. I've had a perception that
that's happening. I know Venus has had a perception that that's happening, but this is the hard research. It is in fact happening. It's here to stay. But here's another interesting aspect about that does not include swinging. So women are not really interested in swinging so much but Poly but CNN and possibly Cup Holdery if they learn a little bit about it, might be right in their wheelhouse because this is where all good things happen from my from my
opinion. So anyway it's it's it's been really really an interesting journey and more and more people, especially women, are looking for alternatives to monogamy. And so that's why I thought this conversation with Venus, who's been in this space for quite a while, would be really valuable to talk to because she's a, she's a real voice in this space. So, and one of the quotes from this study was the more empowered women become, the more you'll see women saying I'm done
with monogamy. I think we believe that to be true. I mean, you believe that to be true, Venus, I believe that to be. True, I really do. I think that we'll see a real change in the in how women consider a non monogamy to be palatable. I mean I think that the more that we talk about this in a relationship lens, the more
attractive it becomes to women. And I think that monogamy is or non monogamy is not for everyone though there I think that monogamy really does suit certain people and that is totally OK. Not saying that everyone is suited for a non monogamous relationship. However, I do totally understand how when women are given the opportunity and the permission to just ask for what they want, they're going going to say what they want.
And that includes sexually. They want more than just one person trying to give them everything, which is a real challenge. So and it's never going to happen. Never going to find that one person is will give you literally everything. Except for a cut. Actually, that's really true. I mean, how many time have we heard that from psychologists and therapists? You know your expectation that you're going to find one person that's just going to fulfill every possible need that you have.
It's not possible. And I'm here to tell you and Venus is here to tell you that that's not true. We have, we have found a unique space. And I agree with you totally. It's not for everyone, but interestingly, in this study it said that typically, you know, we we make an assumption that men just want never ending amounts of sex wherever they can get it and whoever will lay
still for them. It's not necessarily true, but what they found in the research is that women lose interest in sex in monogamous relationships sooner than men do, between one and four years. Women are already needing some variety. They're needing something different. They want a different kind of stimulation. Don't necessarily want to leave their partner or or maybe not at all, but they they just want something different. And this I found very fascinating that it's much longer for men.
It said that men are, you know, their statistics are saying that they're long term partners. It's 9 to 12 years for men before they really get bored. So if you're in that relationship slot that everybody's happy right now, good on you go for it. But you might just be heads up to at some point in the future, one or the other of you. And according to the research here, it's going to be the woman is going to want more sooner. And so how will you address that? How will you address that?
Well, it's not very surprising. When you look at the orgasm gap, guys are going off every fucking time and we're getting off like, maybe what, 30% of the time. Yeah, if we're lucky. If we're lucky. If we're lucky, yeah. And. And they can get off with almost nothing. Yeah. It's. Pretty simple. Show them your boobs and they'll have a you know they'll and I. It's crazy, but women want variety, novelty, advantage, ensure. That's what we want.
And I think one of the might be one of the holdups of why more women haven't actually looked into this, is that A, they didn't know it existed. B, they don't know how to go about it, but B and then they might judge themselves, or they're afraid that they're going to be judged for wanting more when they might be married to a a loyal, nice man. And those are all completely legitimate concerns. I think they're workable if if you're interested in working.
What it requires I think is a just a profound honesty an authenticity and and a willingness to be really vulnerable and share with your partner that you love them dearly and you would also like a little variety from time to time and and see how it plays. You know some of us we want a little variety like every day. We can't get it that often but but but you know, isn't it nice to be with a partner that if you you were lucky enough to find it every day you could and they'd
be just as happy as can be? My husband is never happier than when I'm with somebody and just really enjoying myself And he is. I've. I've asked him about that. It's really a perfect example of compersion. What gets him off is to see me happy. He's thrilled he's thrilled to see me thrilled and he and he knows that he doesn't. We're we're like really comfortable with each other. We've been together a long time. I love him with all my life.
But that thrill factor you know it does diminish over it. It does for everyone, you know. And that's the the thing that a new person can bring to the table and I think that it's it's valid. It's valid, is that is that sort of in your experience to Venus? Yeah. So I think when I first started in this lifestyle, I really, I jumped in head first. Like, there was no hesitation. There was no, but why or like, I don't know that there was not no
questioning. And I was. I literally felt a sense of relief that I had finally found this kind of relationship that I felt like I wanted and needed for so long. And so it was hard for me to understand why women would be not feel the same. It's it was hard for me to relate in that way. But over the years, I've begun to understand that there are a lot of different blocks that women have when it comes to wanting this kind of relationship.
And it depends if it's single women, it depends on what stage of life they're in. In the matchmaking program, there's no women in their 20s. Actually, no. There's one, but she's late 20s and so I think that women in their 20s, they either don't know that this exists or they're just not ready to ask for what they want in a relationship they don't have the confidence to. I don't know. Yeah, And so if they're single, I think it really depends on
that. But if you are coupled and your husband or boyfriend brings this up, because let's face it, that's usually how cuckolding relationships start off, is that they, you know, it's a couple that's been together for monogamous for a very long time, or even swinging or. And then the husband brings it up. Hey, I'd really like you to sleep with other people and unfortunately that is the wrong approach.
Says that's the wrong approach. Or saying to a single woman, I really want you to cuckold me is also the wrong approach. And so if you use that kind of approach, you're going to get a, you're going to get strange responses. And funny enough, the most common response from women who are married where their husband brings this up is they think that it it is some backdoor way of him trying to get permission to sleep with other women. And so they're very hesitant and
untrusting of that. Then that is a very, very common first reaction. And but there's other things. I mean, for a woman who is been in a monogamous relationship a long time, she's very comfortable with her husband, she's comfortable with the sex. She's comfortable with her skills. She is, you know, all of that.
And then to think about Okay. Now I have to go and sleep with other people who maybe we'll want something different sexually and or these are complete strangers and I won't feel safe or I'm going to catch STIs or how do I even find somebody like there's just all of this kind of looming pressure. Will my husband? Yeah. Will my husband reject me if I actually do this? You know, the idea might sound exciting to him, but if I do it, is he going to then reject me?
Yeah, this this idea that it could be damaging to her relationship. These are some some things that we automatically think of. Like. Yeah, he likes it right now. But what about when we're in a argument and where he's really upset with me? Is he going to weaponize this? You know, that kind of thing? But yeah, that. But there's also like, what if other people find out like slut shaming, all of that sort of stuff. And so there's a lot of risk
there with women and they don't. We don't always say we don't talk about those things. We just knee jerk reaction. No, that's fucked up. I'm never doing that. Don't ever bring it up again. Kind of a thing. And it sucks because there needs to be that kind of open communication, but an approach that encourages that. Yeah. And if you have that kind of, if you have that kind of communication with your partner now, I think your chances of having a productive discussion
about this are very good. I mean there's a ton of information out there. You know, go through and listen to some of the Unisys, podcasts and and reader blog, you know, I have 1:00. There's a lot of information out there, people sharing their experience, that you can, you know, listen to that with your partner and then discuss what you hear. You know, how did that sound and how did that feel to you? It is, it is not a solution for a relationship that's struggling.
Yeah, it's not. Say that louder for the ones in the back. Yeah, yes. If if your relationship is struggling and your communication leaves something to be desired, this is not for you. You have to fix that part first. If you get that part fixed, where you both can be open, honest, authentic and vulnerable with each other, you have a very
good chance. Even if you don't pursue this as a lifestyle, you have a very good chance to have a really fruitful discussion about it that will help your relationship evolve. I mean, at the end of the day, that's how we, my husband and I both see this. This has been a tremendous evolutionary growth for our relationship and we just wouldn't have it any other way.
I mean, we'll be like this till we die because nothing else has even come close in terms of the intimacy, the vulnerability, you know, just the connection that it has built. It's 1000 times more than anything I've ever had. And I'm not young. I've had a few relationships in my life. So that's the encouragement.
And that was all really good advice to Venus in a way to approach that discussion so that you, you and your partner can just remain open minded, just open minded to it and see what's there for you. Well, to be specific, I think for for men to approach their partner about this, they usually make the same mistake, which is the I want you to sleep with other men approach because in their mind they're fixated on
that part of cuckolding. But what they don't realize is this is not just about his sexual fantasies or even hers. This is about her exploring her sexual being and feeling and going through that journey of sexual empowerment.
Really, that's what it's about. And so if he approaches her with that kind of language, the sexual empowerment, the sexual exploration, the ability to really build confidence in that area or that arena, I think would be a really more productive conversation when it comes to introducing cuckolding to your partner. Because then it is really truly more about her, which it it should be, it should be about
her. It's it shouldn't be just about you getting your rocks off because you've been fantasizing about this because you've been watching porn. I mean, this is a relationship. This is and it. Otherwise it's what is it voyeurism. Like, you know, it's a relationship. You can't have cuckolding without the relationship. You can't. I mean, you could role play, sure. But I mean, at the end of the day, this is the relationship and it will affect your
relationship for the better. It will as long as you, you know, communicate a lot. Like, I mean a lot. A lot. You check in a lot you're going to make. You're going to fuck up and make mistakes. But you need to have a solid foundation of love and trust and communication built already, so that when you do stumble, you're not going to completely fall. Yeah, great, great advice. That was great advice right there. I think she really encapsulated
the the meat of that. And I think you're exactly right, the men that make mistakes with this, because I think more men still watch more porn than women. Generally speaking, cuckolding is one of the most, the top, one of the top rated search searches in porn. So there's a clearly a lot of interest in it.
So men might you know they might discover it over there and then we won't might get questions like how do I make my wife do this really wrong approach Really really really really wrong really wrong start start to frame this as wouldn't it be lovely if my wife could fully be fully free and express herself and. Ask her what she wants.
And and and I could support her in that and and if you have that in mind before you ever open the conversation take that approach like I would love for you to feel like you're free. That you're you know empowered to make decisions for yourself. I assure you that I won't persecute you or you know give you a you know a back slap for doing this. You know. But it it is a focus on the female choice because that old saying you know when what is it when mom is happy. Everybody's happy.
That is really true. If you're married and your wife is unhappy, I promise you she's going to make you unhappy too. Yes, we have an amazing ability to spread that. If you know when things aren't working well, we can, We can throw that out there. By the same token, when we have a devoted man that is truly devoted and and genuinely supports our freedom and our joy and our excitement and the experience of desire which is so heady to me, that will bind you to him. I mean, I I can't even.
I have not found the words to express how bound I am to my husband because he's given me this freedom and really freely given it and expecting absolutely nothing in return that maybe you can watch once in a while or get involved in just got away. But other than that it's my it's my deal and I get to do it exactly how I want, when I want with whomever I want. I mean is that not a cake and
eat it too situation. I mean, I don't know what you how you could come closer in a relationship for women than that. I mean, I yeah, I don't. If it's out there, I don't know what it is. Yeah, I think that it comes down to women sharing their stories with other women for this to really gain traction with the women, Because you're right, they're not out there watching porn. They're they're not watching cuck porn. They're certainly not.
Like, maybe they've, a few of them have seen it, but they are not the ones doing the searches for cuckold porn. They're just not. I think that the fantasy land of cuckolding has has really, you know, taken this and run with it in a. A Very. Different direction, Honestly different but like it.
It's a unique direction and and and it no longer kind of like resonates with the reality of it because the reality is so much more intricate and it's so much more emotional and all of those things are just difficult to be able to portray on a on a screen in a film. So, but they, the women are not out there looking for cuckold porn. And when it comes to singles who are looking for a relationship, this kind of relationship, that's why you have so many
single guys. I'm like, Oh my God, I want this as part of my relationship because this turns me on so much. And when they come into my matchmaking program, they have this whole long list of things that they must have in our in this kind of relationship. I must have interracial, I must have a size queen. I must have humiliation or teasing. I must have FLR like they've got they know exactly what they want, what turns them on, they know what they don't want.
All of that. The women, on the other hand, they have not been watching this cuckold porn. They don't know if they've had a previous relationship like this. Then they want to. They want something similar. That's all they know, right? They they're willing to learn more. But they that's their starting point, is what they had before. And then you have, surprisingly enough, most of the single women in my matchmaking program have no experience in this kind of relationship.
None. So they have just learned about this dynamic and they're like, like how I was, Oh my God, this suits who I am. This sounds perfect. And so for those women, though, they don't have the years of experience of watching cuckold porn, They don't know what turns them on. They don't know what turns them off. They look at this through the lens of a relationship only and their lens of a relationship that promotes their own sexual freedom and celebrates it.
And so you have two people single men and single women arriving at the cuckolding dating door in from 2 completely different directions and and and the men not realizing that the women don't view it in the same way. And so we have this real disconnect and that's why I think it's a real turn off for the single women out there when they're constantly bombarded with the fantasy aspect from the men. Because we're just like, I want to get to know you as a person. I want to date like you know,
like a real relationship. Like I need that first and then we let's build on all the fun stuff. But there seems to be this like avalanche of these are my my fantasies, this is what I want. Everything like that from the men. And so part of the matchmaking service is a three-week educational program that the men and women have to take. And so we can understand, hey
there is this disconnect. And hey, for the guys who arrived with this big long list of I want this, I Want that, you're going to have to put that aside and realize it really depends on who you fall in love with. Really. Band. That's a quote load of great advice right there for everybody that's listening. She really just put her thumb right on it. The cuckold relationship, I mean. And I think most women I've professionally, I've dealt with women almost exclusively my
whole professional career. I spent 25 years as a financial advisor with women, as I know women how they think. I know what goes wrong in their relationships because I worked with them on the divorce side. I know, I know what happens there. And women, I think an awful lot of women are like you and me. We just want loving, healthy, connected relationships with people that respect us and don't
try and put us in a box. But she's exactly right, and I hope you guys that are listening hear that part. That cuckolding really isn't about the sex nearly as much as it is about the relationship. The sex can happen a million different ways. The commitment to this kind of relationship is I want to be in a deeply, profoundly intimate relationship with my partner, and this is an Ave. possibly to
lead us to that. I think a lot of women are interested in that, but men, but men, you cannot approach it like it's just some sex trick or you will turn them off and and you and you'll lose them. It's like we're speaking two different languages and you got to kind of figure that out and be like, oh, OK, like let's switch this up a little bit. Yeah, yeah. And you'll have A and you'll have a lot better results. And then at the end of the day,
everybody is then happy. But yeah, you said a mouthful there. I'm so glad you that you shared that because I knew that you were getting some kind of specific information from the people that are looking for this. Obviously they've joined your matchmaking site and they're saying help me execute this, help me find out how to do this and and that's really great information, the fact that they have to go through a three-week program, God, well. Yes. And I interview every single person.
So I spend an hour with each person in the program getting to know them and what who they are and what they want. So it really has given me some incredible insight into the men and the women who are seeking this kind of relationship and why and where they're coming from, like their background and how they were, you know, what it interests them about it, all of that sort of stuff. It's absolutely fascinating.
I believe it is the only program of its kind in the world that I know of. So it's just so interesting to be able to have all of this insight from from these members. It's just it's like wow. And I believe the whole thing about like the women are the ones who are searching for these terms of non monogamy and stuff like that. And I I totally believe that I did hear somewhere that for a long time swinging was the most common searched term and now it's actually been replaced by cuckolding.
And so the someone was saying like cuckolding is the new swinging. And I'm like, I believe that, 'cause I feel like it's just exploding in the last few years. Well, and it's very telling in this story, what they what they quoted specifically was polyamory. That should tell you a lot about what women 'cause this is. This is what women are looking for. They're looking for a relationship. Your cut dynamic may or may not be polyflavored.
It doesn't matter. But they're not looking to just swing swinging was not included in those search terms. People are not looking for that. They're looking for a type of relationship. And I think that the, you know, that combined with the fact that cuckolding is now one of the most searched terms, But this was very surprising to me that, you know the polyamory and consensual non monogamy are being researched extensively, not swinging.
It's very interesting to me. That's very interesting because it. Is a switch. It's a switch. Yeah, but it, like I said it is, it's going to be women sharing their story with other women for this to really gain traction. Because if you go online and and search cuckolding, you're going to come up with all sorts of crazy stuff. Because let's face it, 99% of all of the cuckolding content online is produced by men and made for men for male consumption.
So this is not for us and it is not made for us. It's not, it's not with for women in mind. And so yes, it turns on men a lot and is sure it might turn on some women and stuff, but it this is not, this was not created for the woman's reaction.
It just was not. And so the more content we have online, like you were saying your blog and your podcast and all of the other amazing incredible women articulate women out there who are expressing this in a very kind of real way, it's going to be that that brings women to a place where they could say oh OK, that's that doesn't sound all that weird. Like if you just talk about it as A1 sided open relationship and that's it.
Like, never mind the. Like kinky stuff, like just A1 sided open relationship where he's monogamous to you and you are not to him and you both love it that way. Period. You talk about it like that in simple terms and women can relate. They're like, Oh well that sounds amazing. Delicious. Yes, delicious. Sign me up. I just want one of those.
If we have those conversations in a very normal way like that and and you know, phrase it in a normal way like that, then I think that that more women will be interested in it. But it's also reaching those women is another difficult. Thing And so that brings us to why Venus and I both podcast and write and discuss because you know, this is for me, I, I it's it's an act of service. I found such joy here.
I can't imagine sitting on this and not sharing it with you know, I'm just starting now to talk to my friends. Which is weird because, you know, in the early stages I felt so guarded, like I didn't want any of our close friends to know that we're doing this thing. And I'm coming out of that box because I'm seeing that this in a many ways is going kind of mainstream. But I don't.
I want to share the joy. I mean, if I think of all the women that I coach through divorce, I'm trying to think back. You know, I I couldn't possibly put a number to it. But how many of those women could have possibly stayed married? I include myself in that group. If I would have had this kind of an arrangement, I probably wouldn't have divorced before because, you know, he could go do his thing and travel and be
gone a lot. And, you know, I do my thing and you know, we just do life a different way. But you know, the default for most people is to cheat and divorce. So when you look at and when you look at that, you know people get married with an expectation of monogamous marriage, 50% of those fail and another 28% cheap. So when you're in a, when you're in a construct that has a 78% failure rate, is that a construct that's worth pursuing? I mean do you want to bank your
whole future on that? And so those are some of the questions that you can you can think about on your own and possibly talk with your partner. And this is one other thing that I I've shared on almost everything that I've that I've written or potted on one of my I'm a huge fangirl of Estera perel. I think she's just such a she's just such an astute relationship expert. But she said something. I heard her a couple years ago. It was in one of her Ted talks. She said all men and all women
have two core conflicting needs. We all have the need for safety and security in our relationships and we all have a need for change and adventure. And how you reconcile those two will determine the strength and or the happiness of your relationship. And it's that quote that she had is absolutely borne out in these statistics.
Women, you know, you, you initially go into the relationship, you want to build your nest and so your your main goal is safety and security and you get your nest all built and everything's good. And then eventually for one or the other, and it sounds like mostly for the women, it happens first she this need for change and adventure starts to assert itself. It's not like it wasn't there,
It's been there all along. But you know that first one to four years, maybe just safety is the key thing. Eventually that other need is going to assert itself. And so for everyone listening out there, this is just an option. It may not be for you but I would encourage you in order not to cheat or not to divorce consider that you have both of those needs and and start to you know start to talk about some ways that you can address them.
You might come up with a whole new way and if you do I hope you let us know because Venus and I would like to know we'll we'll challenge you to find anything better than cuckoldry But hey we're biased because we're already in the club but but anyway I think that's that's I wish I would have had that perspective all the years that I was in divorce finance because I think it could have altered some of those outcomes when people decide that the only way they can deal with their frustrations
is to divorce or cheat and the cheating usually you know leads to divorce. So anyway, those are some of the reasons. But any parting thoughts that you have, Venus, what are you, what do you think? What would you like people to most take away from this today and the gift that you've given? And thank you for spending your time. I I so appreciate you. Oh yes, of course. I I'm so happy to be here. Well, just to touch on what you just said about safety, I think
that that is key. We are never going to have a world where women can ask for what they want unless they feel safe to do so. And let's face it domestic violence is is huge and for some women bringing up this subject is dangerous. And so I think and also for single women who who like myself, who put ourselves out there and we speak openly about in you know fostering and encouraging sexual empowerment and women.
We by doing so we automatically put a target on ourselves from the hatred and vitriol from these male supremacists out there who really despise women, who who take on this this kind of empowerment. And so I think that we in order to really have this as a as a as.
A an option for women. We need to provide a space that is safe for women to want this and so, and I bring that up because I find that safety is not something very often thought about, talked about or considered in this lifestyle. Which is really shitty because it's a big part of it. Whether it be the safety of your relationship, your emotional, emotional safety, your health and well-being, your that physical safety, all of those kinds of things are necessary.
And so I think that we, while speaking about this kind of relationship dynamic, do really need to foster that kind of culture of safety within it for women to really feel comfortable in this role of asking for what they want and getting what they want. And and and I just. I'm also saying that because for the listeners, for all of the men out there, I do really want you to be aware that this is a
significant challenge for women. Still to this day, we still have to worry about our safety a lot just by random stalkers and people who just want to kill you because you're a woman and all of these kinds of things. Just please be aware that this is a thing. And I would love if more of the men who really do love and want and appreciate this kind of relationship to really stand up for the women out there who put themselves out there and help them out when they're having
issues with safety. So that's why I'm saying that. But for a take away for for people, when it comes to loving, cuckolding relationships, I I just there's just one thing for the single guys. Please just focus on a relationship and not a sexual act And that's the key. So in the matchmaking program these guys are not allowed to talk about cuckolding in the first bit at all and that's so.
And they have the hardest time with that because they're like, but I want to talk about it and even and the women want to talk about it too. But unfortunately you have to build a relationship first. That's the way that you have to do the order in which you have to do it. And so and for the couples out there who who are thinking about the incorporating this or for the guys, the husbands who want to bring it up to the wife, again focus on her.
This is about her. And if you do that, if you invest in her and her confidence and her empowerment, then you will get everything you've ever dreamed of. But that's the that's the road you need to go down, is to focus on her. Great, great advice, that is. That was incredibly powerful. I am. I'm glad you brought up the safety aspect, 'cause that is a real thing. It's not a fantasy. There's everybody's heard of the incel males out there and they are true woman haters. And so we do.
We put ourselves on the line in an effort to try and help other people find another way that they can have healthy and satisfying relationships without all the drama and all the trauma. But that safety issue is really a big one. And also your main point of understanding that this truly is about relationships. It's a relationship style. It's a relationship dynamic. It can include, you know, various sexual practices. But that's not really the point. The point is freedom.
The point is empowerment. The point is respect the, you know, consent, all of that stuff, all of that stuff. If you provide a safe haven and a a safe place for your your woman to feel that way, I'm telling you it'll come back to you in spades. It will come back to you. It'll come back to you in ways that you can't imagine.
Yeah and how many guys have I talked to who brought this up to their wife and their wife tried it out loved it and and and you know it's been a really sexy and fun and all this fantasy come true stuff. But how many guys have said the most unexpected amazing thing that has happened is witnessing their wife really come into her own sexuality in this way, to really that confidence, that ability to like just, you know, ask for what she wants in a way that he's never seen before?
That is something that I think is rarely talked about in the male fantasy world of cuckolding. Really, it is. Yeah, Isn't it? Isn't it so true? And I think the loyalty, you know, I'm just trying to say, I'm trying to identify and it's actually hard to put in words because it's so overwhelming in some ways, the loyalty that I feel toward my husband and the devotion that I feel right back toward him because he's so freely given that to me. I mean that creates a bond
that's truly not breakable. It's I don't see there could be any circumstance on earth that could ever bust us up because of where we've gone. And it's because of this dynamic. We would not be here. We would not have this kind of relationship had it not been built on a base of the idea of a cuckold relationship. And so it's, I think it's a big deal. I think it's important don't dismiss it. Try it on mentally. You know read some things listen
to some podcasts. I think that matchmaking service is brilliant. I predict that you're going to be so busy that none of us will be able to talk to you anymore
because you'll be too busy. But I I'm so, I'm so grateful for that because it is. I think it's badly needed and I intend on referring everybody that I can find to you because I know that you have the right ideas about what a loving cuckold relationship truly is and all the benefits that both parties get out of it. It isn't A1 sided thing, it's only it's only one sided in one aspect, but the rest of it is both sides all the way. Yeah, absolutely.
It's very much A2 Way St. and that's what people automatically think. Oh, that's so unfair. She gets to do all of that when he doesn't. Why would you want that? When? No, no, no, no, no. This kind of sexual fulfillment and satisfaction, it definitely goes both ways. Like it is. It's massive. And I think there's this misunderstanding from a lot of men that if they give their wife this gift of sexual exploration with others, that she will lose respect for him.
Or, you know, she won't love him over time. She won't love him. She won't feel connected with him or what they don't realize. Yeah. What they don't realize is what exactly you were just saying. And that that kind of bond that you have is so strong because you appreciate that he's given this to you.
You appreciate it so much because you know how much that is worth And so trying to get that across to men so they don't feel so insecure about about that step is important because if you look online at porn and if you look at a lot of the porn scripts and stuff, it is about disrespect. It is about about degradation. And and I can understand how they would think, Oh, well, you know, over time she would not look at me like, like a partner anymore, you know, that kind of
thing. So there's a lot of work that needs to be done. There's a long ways to go. But I think that we're making good progress. And I do think that it is going to come down to the women really taking charge of this and taking control of it and saying, hey, look, no, this is an amazing kind of relationship. Let me share my story and with other women. And so I think that's where we need to go. Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more.
Thank you so, so, so, so much. I would have you tell people where to find you, Venus, your website and your and your matchmaking service so that they can go read your stuff and and listen. Because you really have such good, such good ideas and really in a very wholesome holistic way which is priceless. Yeah, sure. So venuscuckoldress.com is where you can find the podcast. The podcast is on basically all of the podcast platforms.
So wherever you get your podcast from, you'll be able to find it. The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast. And it is funny enough, my little podcast about just cuckolding is like one of the most popular in the world. Go figure. So we want to talk about popularity of cuckolding. I mean, that's all I talked about, yeah, there you go. And and for the matchmaking service, it is venusconnections.com and on that website there is a landing page for women who are curious about learning about cuckolding.
So the the page is called What Women Need to Know. And that is where men or anyone can send women. Say, hey, you want to learn what this kind of relationship is all all about, just go to that page. And it's just some videos. I'm explaining it. I'm talking about them. There's some resources for them to to look up. You know what this is all about, the kind of thing. So that's really important. So that's venusconnections.com.
You can also find me on Twitter. My handle is at Cuckoldrous V. That you know, for guys that are just wondering how am I going to learn how to talk about this correctly to my wife since obviously I've been doing it the wrong way as she just pointed out that page that she just mentioned for women, What a great way she just took it off your hands, dudes. Send them, send them over there. Let somebody who knows what the heck she's talking about. Let her explain what women can
benefit from out of this. Because then it takes it takes the onus off you. And but then you have a basis to discuss that that's how you start. That's how you start. So thank you. I'm forever in your debt. Venus. You guys can find me. I am at where am I? I don't know. Where are you? I am Beyond Monogamy is my podcast with Crystal and again you can find that wherever you reach your podcast. My website iscrystalwelch.com although you can find me on
medium too. I typically post there 1st and that is I wish I knew. I think it's Crystal Welch 99, but I'll clarify that if that's not right. But anyway, those are some ways that you can reach out to us. But she's got a boatload of great resources that will help you at least learn about this and have a way to start conversations and have a place for your partner to go to get the right kind of coaching. It's just it's just golden.
And I'm so, I'm so appreciative that you spent a few minutes with me. Thank you so much. We're going to do this again. We're going to pick up some other topic and we're going to keep rolling here one of these days. But I really just appreciate you making some time today for this. Thank you so much for having me. Hugely, hugely valuable. So we're signing off guys. Ping us if you have questions and that's it for now.
Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest blog and podcast at C Welch Poly on Medium and find her on Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. We appreciate it and we'll catch you in the next episode.