Ep #7: The First, Last, and Best Love: Self-Love

Hello and welcome back to another empowering episode of Beyond Doubt, Unleashing Confidence. I'm your host, Nefia Guntoye, and I'm thrilled to have you with me today. This is episode 7, and we're diving into a topic that lies at the very heart of confidence. Self-love. In the hustle and bustle of life, it's so easy to forget about taking care of ourselves.

Ourselves we give so much to others our time our energy our love that sometimes we leave very little for ourselves it's as if we're running on empty trying to fill everyone else's cup while ours remains bone dry it reminds me of a powerful quote that I heard recently from Charlemagne the God. On the 8th of August 2024 episode of The Breakfast Club, he said you owe yourself the love that you so freely give to other people.

Today's episode is all about why self-love is the first, last and best love you'll ever have. We'll unpack what self-love truly means, how it can be the foundation for unshakable confidence and why it's absolutely essential in today's world. I'll be sharing quotes, examples from both fiction and real life and giving you actionable steps to start cultivating self-love today.

I'm still struggling with a cold so my voice will be going in and out as I cough through takes but grab yourself a cup of tea, get comfortable and let's embark on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment together. Part one, understanding self-love. Let's begin by clarifying what self-love actually means. It's a term that gets tossed around a lot, but it's often misunderstood. Self-love isn't about being selfish or self-centered. It's not about thinking you're better than anyone else.

Instead, self-love is the practice of caring for your own well-being and happiness. It's about being kind to yourself, recognising your worth and understanding that you deserve the same love and respect that you offer to others. A great way to think about self-love is by imagining how you treat a close friend. When your friend is down, you're there to lift them up. When they make a mistake, you're the first to say, it's okay, you're only human.

You encourage them, support them and celebrate their successes. Self-love is about doing the same for yourself. Oscar Wilde once said, to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. And isn't that the truth? The relationship you have with yourself is the longest and most important relationship you'll ever have. It's the foundation upon which all our other relationships are built.

Part two the connection between self-love and confidence now let's talk about how self-love ties directly into confidence confidence is all about trusting yourself believing your abilities and knowing your worth when you love yourself you naturally boost your confidence because you start to value who you are you stop looking for validation outside of yourself and begin to find, contentment within. Imagine the fictional character of Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones Diary.

She's clumsy, she's awkward and she constantly feels like she's falling short of the expectations others have for her. But as the story unfolds, Bridget learns to embrace her flaws and imperfections. She starts to see herself not as a failure but as someone who is worth love. Or worthy of love and happiness. And what happens? Her confidence soars. By the end of the story, Bridget has transformed, not because she became perfect, but because she began to love herself just as she is.

In real life, consider the story of Oprah Winfrey. She's often spoken about her journey from a troubled childhood to becoming one of the most influential women in the world.

Oprah's confidence didn't come from external success alone it was deeply rooted in her journey of self-love she once said you don't become what you want you become what you believe this belief in herself this deep self-love is what propelled her to the heights she has reached.

There are so many myths surrounding self-love and I think it's important to address them head-on One of the biggest myths is that self-love is selfish, We've been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is wrong that it's somehow indulgent or vain but this couldn't be further from the truth, Think about it this way If you're in an aeroplane and the oxygen mask drops ops, you're instructed to put your mask on first before helping others. Why?

Because if you're not taking care of yourself, you won't be in a position to help anyone else. The same principle applies to self-love. If you're not caring for yourself, how can you truly care for others? Another myth is that self-love is something you have to earn, something that comes only after you've achieved certain goals or reach a certain level of success. But the truth is, self-love is not a reward, it's a foundation.

It's the basis on which you build your life, your relationships and your confidence. Part four real life examples of self-love and confidence let's look at some real life examples of self-love and action one of the most iconic figures in this regard is Beyonce I'm a huge Beyonce man so she's a global superstar but she's also incredibly open about the importance of self-love in an interview she said your self-worth is determined by you you don't have to depend on someone telling you who you are.

Beyonce's journey is a testament to the power of self-love. She's faced criticism, challenges and setbacks but through it all she has remained true to herself. Her confidence on stage is a reflection of the love she has for herself. Love that has been cultivated through years of hard work, self-reflection and acceptance.

Another example is J.K. Rowling, for author of harry potter series before she became one of the most successful authors in the world rowling faced numerous rejections and personal struggles but instead of giving up she embraced her passion for writing and believed in her worth she once said rock bottom became the solid foundation on which i rebuilt my life this kind of resilience and confidence comes from a deep place of self-love where you know your value regardless of the setbacks you face.

Part five, the challenges of cultivating self-love. Of course, cultivating self-love isn't always easy. We live in a world that constantly bombards us with messages that we're not good enough, not attractive enough, not successful enough, fill in your blank enough here.

Social media with its highlight reels of other people's lives can make us feel inadequate and unworthy it's easy to fall into a trap of comparing ourselves to others thinking that if we could just be more like them we'll finally be happy but as we've discussed happiness and confidence start within it reminds me of a humorous quote from lucille ball she said i have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

Self-love is about recognising your unique value, your individuality and understanding that you don't need to be like anyone else to be worthy of love and happiness. A powerful example of overcoming these challenges comes from the fictional character Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth is unapologetically herself, intelligent, witty and independent, even when society pressures her to conform to its expectations.

Her confidence is rooted in her self-respect and her unwillingness to compromise her values for the sake of others. Elizabeth's journey is a classic example of how self-love leads to true confidence.

Part six practical and actionable steps to cultivate self-love, now that we've explored what self-love is debunk the myths and looked at some real life examples let's talk about how you can start cultivating self-love in your own life the journey to self-love Love is both practical and deeply personal, and it starts with small intentional actions. Number one, start a gratitude journal. Each day, write down three things you appreciate about yourself.

They don't have to be big things. Maybe you like your sense of humor, your resilience, or your ability to listen to others. This practice helps shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation, by recognising your own strengths and qualities you begin to build a foundation of self-love. Number two, practice self-awareness. The first step to self-love is understanding yourself. Take time to reflect on your strengths, your values and the things that bring you joy.

Self-awareness is about knowing who you are, what you stand for and what you need to thrive. The more you understand yourself, the easier it becomes to love yourself. Number three, positive self-talk. How do you speak to yourself? Are you your own worst critic? Or do you offer yourself the same kindness you would give to a friend? Start by changing the way you talk to yourself. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

Instead of saying i'm not good enough try saying i'm worthy and capable the way you speak to yourself has a powerful impact on your self-esteem and confidence. Number four, set boundaries. Learn to say no is a crucial part of self-love. Boundaries are about protecting your time, energy and mental health. When you set boundaries, you'll tell yourself that you deserve respect and care. Identify one area in your life where you've been feeling stretched too thin.

Maybe it's at work, with family or in your social life. Set a boundary in that area whether it's saying no to extra tasks, taking time for yourself or limiting your availability and stick to it. Number five, prioritise self-care. Self-care isn't just about bubble baths and spa days although those are nice too. It's about making time for the things that nourish your body, mind and soul.

Whether it's exercise, meditation, reading or spending time in nature, make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. By prioritising your physical, mental and emotional health, you reinforce your commitment to self-love.

Number six, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, that's part of being human but holding on to guilt and shame can weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward practice self-compassion and forgiveness of yourself for past mistakes there is if you're a christian there's a book by max lucado.

Oh my gosh my mind's just gone blank now it's about psalm 23 and laying down the weight I will I will find the book and I'll put it in the description but remember every day is a new opportunity to grow and learn reflecting something you've been holding against you've been holding against yourself and choose to let it go understand that you're a human and you deserve the same forgiveness and compassion you would offer to others.

And I just remembered the name of the book is Travelling Light by Max Liccardo and I'll put a link to that in the description. Number seven, embrace your uniqueness. Celebrate what makes you different, your quirks, your passions, your perspective. These are the things that make you special. When you embrace your true self, you step into your power. You start to live authentically and that's where real confidence comes from.

Remember the words of Lady Gaga, don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are. Embracing your uniqueness is a vital part of self-love.

Part seven, the impact of self-love on relationships. One of the most profound effects of self-love is the impact it has on your relationships with others. When you love yourself, you set the standard for how others should treat you. You stop settling for less than you deserve because you know your worth. Take the example of Eleanor Roosevelt who once said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

This powerful statement underscores the importance of self-love and building confidence. When you love and respect yourself, you're less likely to allow others to treat you poorly. Instead, you attract relationships that are healthy, supportive and mutually respectful. In fiction, we see this theme in Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Dante. Jane, despite her difficult upbringing and lack of social status, refuses to compromise her self-respect for the sake of love.

Her love for herself, her strong moral compass and her sense of self-worth give her the confidence to walk away from a situation that doesn't honour her and in the end, she finds a love that is truly deserving of her.

Part eight the continuous journey of self-love it's important to recognize that self-love is a continuous journey not a destination it's something you practice daily and there will be ups and downs along the way there will be days when you feel on top of the world and days when self-doubt creeps in and that's okay the key is to keep going to keep nurturing that relationship with yourself and to be gentle with yourself during the tough times.

A wonderful example of this is Michelle Obama, who has spoken openly about her journey with self-love and confidence. In her book Becoming, she writes about the struggles and triumphs she faced and how she's learned to love and accept herself through it all. Michelle Obama's story is a reminder that self-love is an ongoing process, one that evolves as we grow and change.

Summing up the first last and best love is self-love as we come to the end of today's episode i want to reiterate that self-love is the first last and best love you'll ever have it's the foundation of confidence the source of true happiness and the key to living a life that's authentically yours by loving yourself you give yourself permission to be exactly who you are no apologies no explanations just unapologetic unfiltered you so take charlemagne the god's

word to heart you owe yourself the love that you so freely give to others make yourself a priority not just today but every day because the more you love yourself the more confident empowered and unstoppable you'll become thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment if you found today's episode valuable please share it with someone who might need a reminder to love themselves a little more and as always don't

forget to subscribe leave a review and tune in next week for another episode of beyond doubt unleashing confidence, until then remember the first last and best love is self-love take care and keep shining bright.