Ep # 5: Overcoming Workplace Bullying and Unleashing Your Confidence

Welcome to Beyond Doubt Unleashing Confidence, the podcast dedicated to helping women overcome self-doubt and undervaluation. I'm your host, Nefi Gunzoye, a qualified life coach committed to empowering you to stand tall and live confidently. Today, we're diving into a significant and pressing topic, overcoming workplace bullying. Recently, one of my favorite TV shows, Strictly Come Dancing, has been in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.

Three of the professional dancers have been accused of workplace bullying. This topic hits close to home as several people around me have shared their own experiences with workplace bullying. One lady, Nikita, who works in the NHS for a mental health department, shared her shocking experience with new management that seems to be bullying the staff. off. This is particularly distressing given their role in mental health.

Another insight from one of my career coaches reveals that workplace bullying is unfortunately common. She often tells people they have three options, put up, shut up or leave, as HR departments are often not very helpful. But today we're going to explore more than just these options. We'll discuss what to do if you're being bullied, if you are the bully, why bullying happens and how to stand up for yourself.

So let's get this journey of overcoming workplace bullying and unleashing your confidence started.

Part one, understanding workplace bullying. Firstly, let's define what workplace bullying is. According to ACAS the advisory consult conciliation and arbitrary service workplace bullying is behavior from a person or group that's unwanted and makes someone feel intimidated degraded humiliated or offended it can be obvious or subtle and can happen to people in person or online Bullying in the workplace can take many forms including 1.

Spreading malicious rumours or gossip This can severely damage someone's reputation and professional standing 2. Excluding or isolating someone Deliberately leaving someone out of meetings or social events can make them feel unwelcomed and unsupported. 3. Intimidational threats. Any form of behaviour that makes someone feel threatened or scared. 4. Undermining a person's work. Constantly criticising or sabotaging someone's efforts.

5. Overloading someone with work or setting impossible deadlines. This can cause immense stress and burnout. To illustrate, let me share a story of a client who we'll call Emma.

Emma worked in a large corporate firm where she was constantly undermined by her manager despite her hard work and dedication her manager would belittle her achievements in meetings and assign her tasks with impossible deadlines making her feel incompetent this took a toll on Emma's mental health and confidence recognizing these behaviors as bullying was the first step in her journey to reclaim her confidence and take action.

Understanding that these behaviours are unacceptable is the first step in tackling the issue. It's essential to recognise these signs early and take appropriate action. So reflection. Think about your own experience. Have you ever encountered any of these behaviours at work? Recognising the problem is the first step towards solving it.

Part 2. Why people bully in the workplace. Understanding the motives behind bullying can help us tackle it more effectively. People bully for various reasons. 1. Insecurity. Bullies often feel insecure about their own abilities and lash out to feel superior. They may fear being exposed as inadequate. 2. Power. Some individuals enjoy exerting power over others, using bullying as a means of control. This is often seen in hierarchical workplaces where the power dynamics are skewed.

3. Work culture In some workplaces, toxic culture allows bullying to thrive, sometimes even encouraging it. A lack of strong leadership and clear policies can contribute to this. 4. Personal issues Personal problems or stress can sometimes cause people to act inappropriately at work. This doesn't excuse their behaviour, but it can explain it.

For instance in the case of Strictly Come Dancing scandal the accused dancers may have felt the pressure to perform and maintain their status leading them to bully others as a misguided way to cope with the insecurities I will just add that nothing's been officially proven or said yet it's just out there but this kind of behavior often stems from a place of fear and anxiety about their own capabilities.

Recognising these motives can help us approach the problem with more empathy and strategy so by understanding why someone bullies we can better address the root cause and work towards a healthier workplace environment. Reflection. Consider the dynamics in your workplace. Are there pressures or cultural issues that might be contributing to bullying behaviour? Understand the context can be key to addressing the problem effectively.

Point three. What to do if you're being bullied. If you find yourself a target of bullying there are several steps that you can take to protect yourself and address the situation. Number one, document everything. Keep a record of all bullying incidents including dates, times, what was said or done and any witnesses. This documentation can be crucial if you need to escalate the issue. Number two, seek support. Talk to a trusted colleague, friend or mentor about what's happening.

Sometimes just having someone to listen can be a big difference. Number three, confront the bully. If you feel safe, address the bully directly. Use I statements to express how their behavior affects you. For example, I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me that way. This can sometimes diffuse the situation and make the bully aware of their behavior. Number four, report it to IT. Follow your company's grievance procedure.

Report the bullying to HR or a manager. If you feel that internal channels are not sufficient, you might consider seeking external advice or legal counsel. Number five, self-care. Look after your mental and physical health. Engage in activities that reduce stress and boost your well-being. Exercise, meditation and hobbies can all be great ways to maintain your health during difficult times. I recall a time in my early career when I faced workplace bullying.

It was subtle, but it wore me down over time. I documented the incident, confided in a mentor, and eventually confronted the bully in a calm and assertive manner. It wasn't easy, but taking these steps helped me regain control and confidence. My mental support was invaluable and documenting everything gave me the confidence to address the situation formally. I eventually left that business for other reasons.

But, you know, following this procedure actually just kind of helped make things a bit better.

So reflection if you're currently experiencing bullying which of these steps can you take today sometimes just starting with documentation or seeking support can make a big difference I know that for me early on having a mentor like someone that I could go to and confiding because that was one of my very first few jobs I hadn't experienced that before and I didn't really know what to do but being able to talk to someone about it helped a huge amount.

Part four, what to do if you are the bully. If you recognize that you might be bullying someone, it's crucial to take responsibility and change your behavior. This is not only for the well-being of others, but also for your personal and professional growth. So number one, self-reflection. Understand why you're behaving this way. Are you feeling insecure, stressed, or pressured? should. Reflect on your actions and their impact on others. Number two, apologize.

Sincerely apologize to the person you've bullied. Acknowledge your actions and their impact. This can be a powerful step towards healing and improving your relationships. Number three, seek help. Consider Consider speaking to a coach, therapist or counsellor to address the underlying issues. Professional guidance can help you understand and change your behaviour. Number four, change your behaviour. Actively work on improving your behaviour and building healthier relationships at work.

This might involve learning new communication skills, managing stress better or improving your emotional intelligence.

Intelligence one of my clients who will call laura realized that her behavior towards a colleague wasn't appropriate through self-reflection therapy she understood her actions were a result of her own insecurities apologizing and making a conscious effort to not only change improved her work relationships but also her self-esteem laura found that addressing her own issues made her feel more confident and less inclined to bully others.

Reflection. If you've recognized bullying behavior in yourself, what steps can you take to address it? Self-reflection and seeking help are crucial first steps.

Part five. What to do if you witness bullying? Witnessing bullying can be just as distressing. It's important to take action, not only to support the victim but also to foster a healthier work environment. Here's how you can help. Number one, support the victim. Offer your support and let them know they're not alone. Sometimes just knowing someone is on their side can make a huge difference. Number two, document the incidents.

Keep a record of what you've have witnessed. This can be crucial if the victim decides to report the bullying. Number three, speak up. Report the bullying to HR or a manager. Your voice can make a difference. If you feel safe you might also consider addressing the bully directly. Number four, promote a positive culture. Encourage a culture of respect and inclusion in your workplace. Be a role model for positive behaviour and encourage others to do the same.

As I've worked in various accountancy practices over the last, oh what, almost 17 years. I have lots of stories about workplace behaviour. And I remember a time when a colleague was being bullied by a manager. Another colleague, who we'll call Julia, witnessed this incident and decided to support the victim. Julia documented the incident and reported them to HR. Her actions led to an investigation and eventual resolution, showing the power of speaking up.

Julia's courage not only helped the victim, but also highlighted the issues of the entire organisation.

Organization promote from more eventually prompting policy changes so reflection have you ever witnessed bullying at work how did you respond if it happens again what steps can you take to support the victim and address the situation point six tips for reducing bullying and setting good boundaries, preventing bullying starts with fostering positive workplace environment here are some tips number one set clear policies ensure your workplace has clear anti-bullying policies in place these

should be communicated to all employees and enforced consistently number two training provide regular training on workplace bullying and harassment this helps to educate employees about what constitutes bullying and how to prevent it. Number three, open communication. Encourage open and honest communication among staff. Create a safe space where employees feel comfortable speaking up. Number four, lead by example. Managers and leaders should model respectful behaviour.

They set the tone for the rest of the organisation. Number five, empower employees. Encourage employees to set boundaries and stand up for themselves. Provide resources and support to them to do so. A company I worked with implemented a comprehensive anti-bullying policy and provided training for all employees. They also established a zero-tolerance stance on bullying, which drastically improved the work culture and reduced incidents of bullying.

Regular workshops and an open-door policy for reporting issues contributed to a more supportive and positive environment. Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental health and well-being so here are some steps that you can also take.

One, be assertive. Communicate your boundaries clearly and confidently. Use I statements to express your needs and feelings. Number two, learn to say no. Don't be afraid to decline requests that overstep your boundaries. Remember, saying no is a form of self-respect. Number three, seek support. If you're struggling to set boundaries, seek advice from a coach or mentor. They can provide guidance and encouragement.

Of my clients Chloe learned to set boundaries by being assertive and communicating her needs clearly this not only improved her work relationships but also her overall well-being she found that by setting clear boundaries and I mean clear because you know this took months to to sort out guys because she'd set boundaries and then someone would step over them and then And like there would be no consequences.

So, you know, she had to reinforce those boundaries because you're always going to have someone trying to see how far they can push it. So make sure that you set clear boundaries and then she was able to manage her workload better and reduce stress. Reflection. How comfortable are you with setting boundaries at work?

What steps can you take to improve your boundary setting skills part seven what to do if you leave if you decide to leave a job due to bullying here are some steps to ensure a smooth transition number one exit interview use this opportunity to discuss the bullying with hr provide detailed detailed feedback to help the organisation address the issue. Number two, seek legal advice. If the bullying was severe, consider seeking legal advice. Understanding your rights and options can be empowering.

Number three, look after yourself. Take time to heal and focus on your well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. Number four, plan your next steps. Consider what you want from your next role and seek a positive work environment. Reflect on what you've learned from this experience and how you can apply it in the future. One of my clients, who we'll call Lisa, decided to leave her job after enduring prolonged bullying.

She used her exit interview to provide detailed feedback, back, sought legal advice and took some time to heal. This allowed her to move on to a healthier work environment where she thrived. Lisa found that taking time to recover and luckily she was in a financial position where she could take time and plan her next steps helped her regain her confidence and approach her new role with a positive mindset. Lisa,

Reflection. If you're considering leaving your job due to bullying, what steps can you take to ensure a smooth and healthy transition?

Point eight, how bullying affects confidence. Bullying can have a significant impact on your confidence and self-esteem. It can make you doubt your abilities and worth, leading to anxiety and depression.

It's important to remember that bullying is a reflection of the bully not you building your confidence involves one self-affirmation remind yourself of your strengths and achievements, celebrate your successes no matter how small to a supportive network surround yourself with positive and supportive people their encouragement can help you build and rebuild your confidence number three professional help seek support from a therapist or coach if needed professional guidance can provide

strategies for rebuilding your self-esteem.

Reflecting on my own experiences with bullying I remember feeling a significant dip in my confidence it took time lots of time self-affirmation and support from my loved ones to rebuild my self-esteem and realize my true worth by focusing on my strengths and surrounding myself with positive influences especially like I said at the time I had a mentor and she's still like my mentor or to this day, even though I'd not worked in that company for a really long time,

I was able to regain my confidence and move forward. Reflection. If bullying has affected your confidence, what steps can you take to rebuild it? Consider focusing on self-affirmation and seeking support from trusted individuals.

Part nine, practical exercises and techniques. Let's dive into some practical exercises and techniques to help you stand up against bullying and regain your confidence. Number one, assertiveness training. Practice saying no and expressing your needs clearly. Role-playing scenarios can be very effective. Number two, mindfulness and meditation. These practices can help reduce stress and increase your resilience. Regular mindfulness practices can improve your overall well-being.

Number three, journaling. Keep a journal to document your thoughts, feelings and progress. This can be a powerful tool of self reflection and growth. Number four, positive affirmations. Create a list of positive affirmations and repeat them daily. This helps reinforce a positive self-image. Number five, visualization. Visualization. Visualize yourself handling bullying situations confidently. This mental practice can prepare you for real life encounters.

One technique I recommend is the power pose exercise. Stand tall with your feet shoulder width apart, hands on hips and chin slightly lifted. I also call this like the superman pose. So hold this pose for two minutes. This can boost your confidence before entering challenging situations. Perfection. Which of these exercises resonates with you the most? Can you incorporate it into your daily routine to build your confidence and resilience?

Part 10. Building a supportive work environment. Creating a supportive work environment is essential to prevent and address bullying. Here are steps you can take as an individual or manager. job. Number one, foster inclusion. Encourage a culture of inclusion where everyone's contributions are valued. This can involve team building activities and open forums for discussions. Number two, regular check-ins. Managers should conduct regular one-on-one check-ins with employees to address any concerns.

Now I say regular like it doesn't have to be an hour long, it could be five minutes just you know in the kitchen when you're both making your morning coffee how you doing you okay you struggling like this provides an opportunity for employees to voice their issues in a. Safe setting number three peer support groups established peer support groups where employees can share their experiences and support each other these groups can provide a sense

of community and mental support or mutual support number four anonymous reporting implement an anonymous reporting system for bullying incidents to encourage people to come forward this can help uncover issues that might otherwise go unreported at a company i worked with implementing peer support groups and anonymous i can never say that word anonymous reporting led to a significant reduction in bullying incidents and an improvement in overall employee morale so employees

felt more supported and were more likely to speak up about issues leading to a healthier work environment reflection what steps can you take in your workplace to foster a supportive environment consider suggesting some of these initiatives tips to your HR department or management team if you're confident enough.

11 expert insights so to provide a deeper understanding of workplace bullying let's hear from some experts in the field i had the pleasure of interviewing dr jane smith a psychologist specialist in workplace dynamics and miss rachel doe and hr consultant with years of experience in resolving workplace confidence dr jane smith said and i quote workplace bullying is a complex issue that often stems from power imbalances and organizational culture

it's important for individuals to recognize the signs early and take proactive steps to address it organizations should foster a culture of respect and inclusion and clear policies and training to prevent bullying Miss Rachel Doe said. The importance of a holistic approach to tackling workplace bullying. Addressing bullying requires effort from both individuals and organisations. Reflection. How does your workplace measure up in terms of addressing bullying?

What improvements could be made to create a safer and more supportive environment?

Resources here are some resources to help you further if you click on the link in the description there will be links to scientific resources so the workplace bullying institute acas as i said earlier advice conciliation and arbitration service national institute of health and care excellence nice uk helplines so number one bullying uk 0808 800 2222 samaritans 116 123 not sure about that so for additional resources you can visit my resource page at nephewwellness.com forward slash resources and

I have three recommended books. So number one, The Bullying at Work by Gary Name and Ruth Name. Number two, Working with Monsters by John Clark. Number three, Bullying Insight by Tim Field. All these links will be in the description. Summing up, thank you for joining me on this extended episode of Beyond Doubt, omniscient confidence. Remember, you have the power to stand up against workplace bullying and reclaim your confidence.

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay strong, stay confident, and until next time, take care of each other. Bye!