Ep 17. Embracing Progress: Letting Go of Perfectionism

Hello and welcome to Beyond Doubt, Unleashing Confidence.

I'm Nefe Oguntoye, your host and a life coach dedicated to helping women overcome self-doubt and reclaim their worth. If you're someone who's felt trapped by the constant need to be perfect, you've come to the right place. Today, we're going to tackle one of the biggest confidence thieves out there, perfectionism.

We'll learn how to embrace progress instead of perfection and trust me this shift will transform how you see yourself and your potential i'll be sharing real life examples offering practical tips and asking meaningful questions to help you reflect on where perfectionism is holding you back if you'd like to dive deeper into the tools i share visit my website and everywellness.com where you'll find personalized coaching programs designed to empower women just like you.

Ready? Let's dive in. Part one, defining perfectionism and its impact. Perfectionism. It's a word we hear often, but what do we truly understand? How it affects us?

Perfectionism isn't just about wanting things to be perfect it's a mindset that demands impossibly high standards leaving no room for mistakes flaws or imperfection and I don't know if you've noticed but I had an imperfection in my very first sentence but I've decided to carry on because that is basically going to be the ethos of this episode. So I want you to take a moment to reflect. How does perfectionism show up in your life?

Maybe it's in your work, feeling the need to deliver a flawless project. Or maybe it's in your relationships, striving to be the quote-unquote perfect partner, friend or parent. Perfectionism is a sneaky thing, often disguised as ambition or high standards, but beneath it lies fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of not being good enough. One of the most powerful things you can do is recognise when perfectionism is at play.

Once you see it, you can start to understand how it holds you back. The price of perfectionism. Perfectionism comes at a high cost, emotionally, mentally and even physically. It leads to burnout because we're constantly striving for something unattainable. We exhaust ourselves. We end up procrastinating because we're too scared to start unless we're sure it'll be perfect. And worst of all, we rob ourselves of the joy and satisfaction that comes from simply doing our best.

Consider the story of Brian Acton, who co-founded WhatsApp. Before creating the messaging giant, he applied for a job at Facebook and got rejected.

Did that stop him? No. He took that rejection in his stride, kept progressing, and later sold whatsapp to facebook for billions his success wasn't about being perfect from the start it was about resilience and progress tip one recognize the warning signs one of the first steps to overcoming perfectionism is to recognize its warning signs do you find yourself procrastinating because you're worried about making mistakes are you overly soft critical

when something doesn't turn out perfectly being aware of these behaviors helps you catch them in a moment and challenge them so ask yourself how would your life look if you let go of the need to be perfect what could you achieve if you were willing to take imperfection or imperfect actions. Part 2. The Roots of Perfectionism. Let's dig a little deeper. Where does this need for perfection come from? For many of us, perfectionism starts in childhood.

Maybe you grew up hearing phrases like do your best or you can do better. While there's nothing wrong with encouragement over time, these messages can translate into you're not enough or you'll only be loved if you succeed.

Perfectionism can also be rooted in comparison in today's world of social media we're constantly bombarded with images of other people's quote-unquote perfect lives but here's the thing social media only shows the highlights it doesn't show the behind the scenes struggles the sleepless nights or the failed attempts take lin-manuel miranda the creator of hamilton before achieving global success Miranda spent years working on projects that didn't always see the light of day he could

have given up thinking his work wasn't good enough but instead he focused on progress he learned adapted and eventually created something that resonated with millions of people he didn't chase perfection he chased growth tip two challenge the stories you tell yourself. When you notice perfectionist tendencies creeping in, take a moment to pause and challenge the stories you're telling yourself. Are you striving for perfection because you think it's the only way to be loved, valued or respected?

Recognizing these internal narratives allows you to rewrite them. So ask yourself, what beliefs about yourself are fueling your perfectionism? Are they truly true? Or are they stories you've been telling yourself for years?

Part three, how perfectionism limits your potential. Now, let's talk about how perfectionism limits your potential.

When we're so focused on getting everything perfect we hesitate to take risks we stick to what we know because stepping outside our comfort zones feels too dangerous but growth happens outside of comfort zones perfectionism can also stifle creativity when you're fixated on every detail you lose the ability to think freely and explore new ideas innovation doesn't come from perfection. It comes from experimentation, failure and learning along the way.

Think about the story of Thomas Heatherwick, the British designer and architect behind some of the world's most innovative projects including the 2012 Olympic cauldron. Heatherwick didn't achieve his success by playing it safe or trying to be perfect. He experimented, made mistakes and allowed those mistakes to guide his creative process. Tip three, allow room for failure. Instead of avoiding failure, invite it in or invite it in.

See it as a stepping stone to success. Every failure teaches you something valuable. When you allow room for failure, you also allow room for growth, creativity and progress. So ask yourself, what would happen if you allowed yourself to fail more often? How could these failures help you grow? Part four, shifting from perfectionism to progress. Now that we've explored how perfectionism holds us back, let's shift our focus to progress.

Progress is the antidote to perfectionism. It's about moving forward, taking action and learning as you go. Take the story of one of my clients, I'm going to call her Sarah. I feel like I call all my clients Sarah, but they're not all called Sarah. But anyway, Sarah was an incredibly talented writer, but she was paralysed by perfectionism. She wouldn't submit her work because it wasn't, in her eyes, perfect. We've worked together in shifting her focus from perfectionism to progress.

Instead of aiming for flawless work, Sarah started setting smaller, more achievable goals. Writing a certain number of words per day submitting drafts for feedback and allowing herself to learn from the process slowly but surely sarah began to see progress and her confidence soared tip four set actionable achievable goals instead of aiming for perfection set goals that focus on progress. These goals should be actionable, measurable and realistic.

For example if you're working on a big project break it down into smaller more manageable steps. Celebrate each step you take towards your goal no matter how small it may seem.

So ask yourself what is one small step you can take today that will move you closer to your goal? Part 5 Rewriting your inner dialogue Perfectionism is often driven by our inner critic That voice inside our heads That tells us we're not good enough Unless we're perfect.

I recently watched an episode, it's a really old Netflix show, it's called Cabinet of Curiosities and in this one this lady felt like she needed to be perfect to fit in with her work colleagues so she like put on all these creams which were making her itchy and her husband was telling her you know you're perfect the way you are and in the end she.

Thought her husband was the problem and it's it's a bit of like a horror thing it's a Guillermo del Toro series but I just remember thinking she was perfect because at the end she was meant to have the ideal body and the ideal look and she looked exactly the same it was just about her beliefs in it it's actually a really good show and I will try and find the episode but anyway to overcome perfectionism we need to rewrite that inner dialogue and replace self-criticism with self-compassion I

vote with so many women who are incredibly hard on themselves they hold themselves to impossibly high standards and beat themselves up when they don't meet them but here's the truth you are worthy exactly as you are imperfections and all this is something that I have to tell myself as well every day I've been on this health and wellness life coaching journey for years over a decade at this point and I'm still finding myself looking in the mirror sometimes

and being like you are worthy exactly as you are one woman who exemplifies this shift is Elizabeth Holmes, founder of the revolutionary fashion brand Everlane. Early in her career she faced countless setbacks. Instead of succumbing to solve criticism, she developed a growth mindset, allowing her mistakes to fuel her development. This inner shift transformed how she approached business and life.

So tip five, speak to yourself like you would a friend. Next time your inner critic shows up, ask yourself, what would I say to a friend or would I say this to a friend? Chances are you'd be far more compassionate to a loved one than you are to yourself. Start practicing self-compassion and giving yourself the grace to be imperfect.

Perfect on my website on the resources page i've got the self-acceptance workbook that you can download for free and there's also a self-love workbook that you can download so make sure you check those out now ask yourself how would your inner dialogue change if you treated yourself with some kindness and compassion part six the role of vulnerability in overcoming perfectionism let's talk about vulnerability perfectionism and

vulnerability seem to be at odds with each other don't they perfectionism thrives on control while vulnerability requires us to let go but here's the thing vulnerability is not weakness it's strength when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We open the doors to connection, growth and real progress. Take the example of Simone Biles, the Olympic gymnast. She made headlines when she chose to prioritise her mental health over competing in the Tokyo Olympics.

This act of vulnerability showed incredible strength. By letting go of the need to be perfect, she inspired millions to recognise their worth isn't tied to their achievements and she came back in Paris 2024 and she smashed like so many things so you know her taking that time to just focus on herself I think really helped her, So tip six, embrace vulnerability. It's okay to admit that you don't have it all figured out.

In fact, it's essential for growth. When you embrace vulnerability, you create space for connection, learning, and progress. And you also give space for people around you to help you out.

Like I recently had this at work where one of my colleagues was overwhelmed and we had to literally be like dude let us help you because you know i don't know i think he he he well he felt some way but eventually he allowed us to help him and now he feels better so yeah embrace vulnerability meaningful question how can you embrace vulnerability in your life and allow and allow yourself to grow through imperfections. Part seven, perfection in the workplace and how to overcome it.

Perfectionism doesn't just affect our personal lives. It can also be particularly damaging in the workplace, like I just said about my colleague earlier. Whether you're a leader, a manager or a team member, perfectionism can create an environment where mistakes are feared. creativity is spifled and progress sows to a halt. One of the common signs of perfectionism in the workplace is micromanagement.

When we don't trust others to do things perfectly we take on too much responsibility leading to burnout. But the most successful leaders understand that progress happens when teams are given the freedom to make mistakes, learn, and grow. Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group, is known for his willingness to take risks and embrace failure. He famously said, you don't learn to walk by following rules, you learn by doing and by falling over.

Branson's approach to business is rooted in progress, not perfection, and this mindset has allowed him to build one of the most successful business empires in the world. Tip seven, delegate and trust your team. If you're in a leadership role, practice delegating tasks and trusting your team to handle them. Encourage a culture where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, not as failures. This will not only reduce your stress, but also empower your team to take ownership and grow.

Ask yourself, how can you create a workplace environment that values progress over perfection?

Part 8. Perfectionism and mental health. It's impossible to talk about perfectionism without addressing its impact on mental health. Perfectionism is closely linked to anxiety, depression and burnout.

When we're constantly striving for something that doesn't exist, it's no wonder we feel overwhelmed exhausted and inadequate a powerful example of this connection comes from the story of gymnast Caitlin Ohashi Caitlin was once on the path to Olympic glory but her pursuit of perfectionism took a serious toll on her mental and physical health she stepped away from elite gymnastics prioritized her well-being and found joy in the sport again without the pressure of perfectionism

her viral floor routines remind us that joy not perfection should be the ultimate goal tip eight prioritize your well-being perfection often leads us to neglect our own needs in favour of achieving some unattainable goal. Make self-care priority. Take breaks, rest and give yourself permission to be imperfect. Your mental and emotional health are far more important than meeting any arbitrary standards.

Ask yourself how is perfectionism impacting your mental health and what changes can you make to prioritise your well-being. Part 9. Practical strategies for letting go of perfectionism. By now, you're probably wondering, what can I do starting today to let go of perfectionism? Here are a few practical strategies to help you make the shift. Number 1. Set good enough standards. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for good enough. This doesn't mean settling for mediocrity.

It means setting realistic standards that allow you to get things done without overwhelming yourself. Number two, focus on process, not the outcome. Shifting your focus on the process allows you to find joy and satisfaction in your journey, rather than trying to find self-worth to the end result. This process is where learning and growth happens.

And number three, celebrate your wins. I can't stress enough how much celebrating small wins is key to your growth because it keeps you motivated and it keeps you on track and it also makes you feel good about yourself. So take time to celebrate your progress no matter how small it may seem. Each step forward is a win and these wins deserve to be acknowledged. Celebrating progress builds confidence and momentum.

And part 10, recommended resources for overcoming perfectionism. Before I wrap up, I want to share a few resources that I believe will help you on your journey to overcoming perfectionism. Number one is The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown. A deeply insightful book on embracing vulnerability, letting go of the need for perfection.

Number two mindset the new psychology of success by carol's work this book teaches you the power of growth mindset now to shift from perfectionism to progress three atomic habits by james clear this is a practical guide to building good habits and breaking the cycle of perfectionism by focusing on small consistent progress and don't forget to check out the free resources available at my website at nephewwellness.com forward slash resources for

more tools tips tailored to help you grow summing up thank you so much for joining me today on beyond doubt and leasing confidence i hope this episode has inspired you to start letting go of perfectionism and embracing progress in every area of your life. Remember, perfection is an illusion, but progress is always possible. If you've enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might need this message.

And if you're ready to take the next step in your personal growth journey, visit nefewellness.com to learn about my coaching programs. Until next time, keep embracing your imperfections, celebrating your progress, and letting go of the need to be perfect. You are enough, exactly as you are. Bye!