I want you to take a little trip down memory lane with me, back to those golden years between elementary and high school. My “golden years” were iconic in more ways than one. Recently I was thinking about some of the things that defined those years for me, and I realized that—believe it or not—one of the most iconic arcade games of all time actually makes a perfect analogy for how life and our brains work! Skeptical? Well, as all the cool kids used to say back in the day, take a “chill pill,” hi...
Sep 20, 2023•11 min•Ep. 82
Chances are, either you yourself, someone you know, or at the very least, someone you’ve read or listened to, has used the phrase “your truth” or “my truth.” And the first time you heard someone use one (or both), you probably found yourself a little confused. But over the past few years, those phrases have become so common that it’s hard to imagine they haven’t always been part of everyday English language and conversation. So, what’s the story behind them, and—more importantly—are they a new p...
Jul 17, 2023•17 min•Ep. 81
I recently heard an Instagram influencer (meaning he has 2.6m followers) who said, “You were MADE for greatness! You were BORN for greatness. You weren’t made for average or ordinary.” So, what exactly does it mean to be GREAT … a great man, a great woman, a great parent, a great friend, a great leader, a great student, a great artist, doctor, teacher, salesman, musician, athlete, speaker …? If you’ve ever struggled with the thought or even pressure of “GREATNESS” and whether or not you could ac...
May 15, 2023•13 min•Ep. 80
There’s a new, uber-powerful buzzword in town, and its name is “Gaslighting.” In fact, it’s hard to jump on the internet or turn on the TV or radio without someone mentioning either being gaslit or complaining about this or that person gaslighting others. But as is often the case with buzzwords, the true meaning can get lost amidst the noise of abundant usage. So in this episode, I dig into some expert opinions on what gaslighting is and why I think it’s so important for us all to understand it ...
Apr 24, 2023•11 min•Ep. 79
Apparently, this is a debate that has raged for some time in the psychological community. I think it’s an interesting topic. (I think what’s even MORE interesting is what this particular topic has to do with Easter! I’ll also touch on that in this episode.) It certainly is a topic that has become widespread throughout modern American culture. It’s hard to imagine how any self-help guru on the planet could stay in business if this were bad advice. So much of what is being taught is founded on at ...
Mar 29, 2023•8 min•Ep. 78
What is it that really sets good leaders apart from everyone else? Now, I’ll admit that I’m no expert on the matter, but I’ve got a few … uh, decades, of learning and observation under my belt. And while it may very well be true that there are “21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership,” (H/T to J-Max) it seems to me that there are at least two SIMPLE, but critical components that MUCH of those laws (and others) are built on: do ‘THIS’, but not ‘THAT’. You might even say that these two are part of the b...
Mar 07, 2023•12 min•Ep. 77
According to the site Quote Investigator, an anonymous filler item in a Plainfield, New Jersey newspaper in September 1936 included the following quote: They say hard work never killed anyone but some of us are just naturally apprehensive and timid and don’t like to take chances. It's funny because it's so true! None of us are born wanting to work hard. In the words of Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey, most of us would just rather "Take it Easy" if we had the choice. How easy? Well, Lionel Richie s...
Feb 13, 2023•11 min•Ep. 76
This is the fourth and final installment of a mini-series exploring the continuum of loneliness and belonging. In part 1 , I talked about loneliness, how disturbingly common it is, and how it can wreak havoc in our lives. In part 2 , I went over Self-determination theory and how it might relate to belonging and community. In part 3 , I looked at the three-pronged "structure" for making and maintaining friendships! In this episode, I want to share some tips that both experts and the Bible say can...
Jan 04, 2023•14 min•Ep. 75
This is part 3 of a mini-series exploring the continuum of loneliness and belonging. In part 1 , I talked about loneliness, how disturbingly common it is, and how it can wreak havoc in our lives. In part 2 , I went over Self-determination theory and how it might relate to belonging and community. In this episode, I tackle the million-dollar question: "How do we move from loneliness to that true sense of belonging?" The answer, according to research, is in learning the three-pronged "structure" f...
Dec 05, 2022•12 min•Ep. 74
This is part 2 of a mini-series exploring the continuum of loneliness and belonging. In part 1, I shared why psychologists say loneliness is an “awful, noxious psychological state” that—if left unchecked—can wreak havoc in our lives. (What’s more, it is a disturbingly common problem.) In this episode, I want to explore how this need to connect (or belong) drives our behavior and how that can enhance or diminish our sense of belonging in any group or community. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please take a few se...
Nov 10, 2022•12 min•Ep. 73
Everyone—you, me, your friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors, and even celebrities—gets lonely. It’s a nearly universal experience. It’s also nearly universal to not be super clear on why we feel lonely, how serious that can be, and how to move out of loneliness, especially if we feel ‘stuck’ there because of extenuating circumstances. In this mini-series, I invite you to join me as I explore the continuum of loneliness and belonging, what the latest psychological research has to say, a...
Oct 25, 2022•12 min
One of the most fundamental questions that can be asked about human behavior is “why”? Why do we do what we do, in the exact time and way we do it? And why do we stop?!? These are typically questions of need and motivation. We all have needs, but what exactly are those needs? Better yet, how should we even begin defining and understanding what a need is? And then, what is it that causes needs to initiate and drive our behaviors … or bring them to a temporary end? Psychologists agree that answers...
Oct 05, 2022•13 min•Ep. 71
Why do you do the things you do … in the specific ways and manners in which you do them? Why do you like the things you like? Why do certain things always capture your attention while others get ignored? Setting spiritual issues and influences aside (for the moment), the basic answer to these types of questions lies in the arena of personality. Dr. Mels Carbonell, author of “How to Solve the People Puzzle,” once said, “Most of our problems stem from personality clashes. Most of our hurts come fr...
Sep 09, 2022•14 min•Ep. 70
In a podcast that claims to focus on exploring the very best insights of psychology THROUGH the lense of Scripture, it was inevitable that I would eventually want to explore something called the Enneagram. This is part two of the two-part mini-series. In the previous episode, I explored the origins and history of the tool, and reviewed it from a strictly psychological perspective. In this episode, I review the enneagram from a theological perspective. If you are interested in looking into some o...
Aug 30, 2022•11 min
In a podcast that claims to focus on exploring the very best insights of psychology THROUGH the lense of Scripture, it was inevitable that I would eventually want to explore something called the Enneagram. This is a two-part mini-series. This first episode looks at the history of the tool and gives a brief overview from a psychological perspective. If you are interested in looking into some of the resources mentioned in this episode, check out the work of Dr. Gary Gilley here and the research of...
Aug 15, 2022•10 min•Ep. 68
I've had a lot of time to think about this episode. It is a massive departure not only from a typical episode of this podcast, but a massive departure from my personal style. I am very introverted, and thus a very private person. I rarely (if ever) bare my soul in public. But I am making this exception because I feel like it is necessary and important. The basic idea behind this manifesto is simple: I refuse to accept that the version of me TODAY is the best, most Christ-like version of me possi...
Aug 02, 2022•8 min•Ep. 67
When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or down, what do you do—what do you turn to—to feel better? There’s an 80s song by the band Fleetwood Mac that describes what many of us do … probably far too often. As Jim Beviglia says, writing for American Songwriter, the song's narrator “decides to suspend disbelief, reveling in the untruth when the actual truth hurts,” as she sings wistfully, “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!” According to scientific research, the brain, it turns out, is especi...
Jun 29, 2022•12 min•Ep. 66
When Top Gun: Maverick hit the theaters, it was a MUST see for my wife (who loved the 80s version). And after I saw the extended trailer showing some of what they went through to film actual plane footage, I was definitely intrigued. Now having seen it, I have to say that it was incredible. The air-to-air combat (dog-fights)—both real and training versions—were some of my favorite scenes in both movies. I was easily reminded of the so-called “two minds” inside our brains. What it takes for those...
Jun 15, 2022•12 min
There’s a fairly well-known TV trope—especially in cartoons—that pops up when someone is wrestling with temptation; two miniature versions of the character’s self, an Angel and a Devil, sit on each shoulder and try to pull the character in different directions. Psychologists often say it this way: we have ONE brain with TWO minds, and they rarely (IF EVER!!) agree with one another. That matters, because the constant battle between the two can wreak havoc in your life. In this episode, I take you...
Jun 08, 2022•12 min
Years ago, Michael Jackson sang, “You Wanna Be Startin’ Something!” I still have no idea what the song itself actually means, but I do know this: Starting something new can be both exhilarating and terrifying. It’s exhilarating because it’s an opportunity to blaze new trails, even if they are only new to you. But it’s also terrifying … and not just because of the “fear of the unknown” factor. You may have heard the old saying that it’s easy to spot a pioneer because they’re the ones with all the...
May 24, 2022•11 min•Ep. 63
In the previous episode of this podcast, I suggested that instead of thinking of regret as a “universal negative emotion,” it could be far more helpful to think of it as a psychological earworm—the brain continuously reminding us that there is an unfinished task or unresolved issue or goal. On this episode, I want to dig a little into the actual scientific research that has been going on since the 1990s, and it is all remarkably consistent in reiterating one big idea: Opportunity Breeds Regret. ...
May 12, 2022•13 min•Ep. 62
There’s a book out, maybe you’ve read it or at least heard of it. It’s by superstar author Daniel Pink and it’s called the Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. The ideas in it are interesting and could be helpful for some, but—as is often the case with ideas from the world of psychology—I don’t think it tells the whole story. In fact, I think what it doesn’t include is really the most critical lesson concerning regret. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please take a few seconds to answer the sup...
May 05, 2022•14 min•Ep. 61
My daughter—like her brothers before her—is turning into a great thinker and communicator. At age 16 she earned her first chance to compete in a regional speech and debate tournament. So, being a communications professional myself, I did what professionals sometimes do best: I “borrowed” one of the speeches she developed and used it in this episode. Could I have developed this on my own? Sure … but why would I when she did it better? My only real contribution is the ridiculous riddle at the begi...
Apr 25, 2022•9 min•Ep. 60
The opening paragraph from Dickens’ from A Tale of Two Cities reads, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness ….” I’ve never read the book, but I am familiar with the classic rock song it “sort of” inspired. Dennis DeYoung, former lead singer of the band, Styx, said the song “The Best of Times was “… me steali...
Apr 19, 2022•10 min•Ep. 59
Generally speaking, the term “framework” means a structure or system of rules, guidelines, and boundaries that are used to govern a process, decision, or specific goal. Businesses use frameworks to help ensure that the products or services they deliver are consistent and aligned with the company mission, vision, and values. I’m what some would call a “frameworks thinker”—someone who is good at bringing clarity and guidelines to complicated situations. So more than 20 years ago I developed a fram...
Apr 06, 2022•11 min•Ep. 58
In this episode of Better Mind, Better Life, I share what psychologists say are four common thinking traps (a.k.a., cognitive distortions) that we all struggle with—two that are people focused and two that are situation-focused—and how we can clear up our thinking and break free from those distorted traps. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please take a few seconds to answer the super brief Better Mind, Better Life Listener Feedback survey . Your feedback will help me to continue improving the Better Mind, Better ...
Mar 30, 2022•11 min•Ep. 57
The strength and ability to improve any area of your life isn't in your circumstances: it's in your mind! When we improve the way we think, we can improve our lives. Better mind, better life! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please take a few seconds to answer the super brief Better Mind, Better Life Listener Feedback survey . Your feedback will help me to continue improving the Better Mind, Better Life podcast! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every week on Better Mind, Better Life, I combine insights from psychology, theology, a...
Mar 24, 2022•2 min
Authors and professors Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatté say the very heart and soul—the foundation of resilience—is “the simple realization that our emotions and behaviors are created not by events themselves but how we interpret those events.” So they recommend “Learning Your ABCs” as the first skill for addressing those situations in which we seem to consistently lack resilience. In this episode I'll give you a brief overview of the ABCs skill and share some of the tips the authors give to help...
Mar 22, 2022•11 min•Ep. 56
Here’s the hard news: More than 50 years of scientific research has demonstrated that where you and I fall on the resilience curve—our natural reserves of resilience—affects practically everything. But here’s the good news: With practice, anyone can grow resilience. And if you increase your resilience, you can overcome pretty much anything life throws at you. Generally speaking, there are FOUR “ways” we NEED and USE resilience. To make them a little easier to remember, I’m calling these four way...
Mar 08, 2022•12 min•Ep. 55
“Baseball is 90% mental, and the other half is physical.” Even if you aren’t a baseball fan, you’ve at least heard the name of the ‘comedian’ who said it: Yogi Berra. Yogi was entertaining, both on the field as one of the greatest catchers in baseball history, and off the field because of his Yogi-isms—the unique and witty observations he became famous for. And, let's be honest, we love to be entertained! Part of the joy of entertainment is that we can benefit from the fruits of someone else's l...
Mar 01, 2022•11 min•Ep. 54
