50. Exploring Prostate Play

you Welcome to Better In Bed, the podcast where we talk about sex and inspire you to get better at it. I'm Sarah and I'm a certified sexologist and coach and I help people like you overcome shame, explore... your sexuality and communicate more meaningfully about sex. Now, I know a lot of you listening to this podcast love the tips, stories, and insights that we dish out about sex on the podcast. So if you want that more regularly in your inbox, do drop by my website.

sarahsance.com and join my email community. You'll get some special resources and insights that I don't share anywhere else but on email. So today, I'm recording from Singapore with my friend and co-host, Prescott. Hello. Hello. I'm so excited today. I've been waiting for you. It has been a while, hasn't it? It has. It's been more than two years since we've recorded together because I haven't been back to Singapore for more than two years. That's right. I just sit here alone.

with a picture of you and a candle. And all your equipment. I burn some incense and just wait for you. Not a little creepy. Finally it worked. What I'm used to. I expect a shrine every time I come here to record, obviously. Sarah's Shrine. I covered it up a little bit. Just I didn't want to freak you out when you first came in because it's been growing. It's a much bigger shrine now. I'm very honored.

Anyway, just to remind all of us listening, Prescott is an improv actor and instructor, and he's also a consent workshop facilitator and recently became a trained... intimacy coordinator. You do so many interesting things, Prescott. So on to today's topic, which is all about...

exploring the prostate for pleasure or prostate play. So to start with, what and where is the prostate? Well, the prostate is a gland that is found in the male body. It's embedded in the pelvic floor in the anal canal. And the prostate's role is to secrete a fluid that protects the sperm. So the prostate is essential for sexual health. and function as it plays a central role in every male ejaculation, it also has many nerve endings and can sometimes be called the male G-spot.

Because stimulating it can be highly pleasurable for a man. And before we go any further, a quick shout out to our sponsor that's made this episode possible today. Penis owners and penis lovers, I can't wait to tell you all about Promescent. Promescent is a premium sexual health company, which makes a signature delay spray that's clinically proven to help men last longer in bed. When I tried to spray with a partner,

I was surprised at how quickly it worked, how long it lasted, and how little transfer there was during sex. Nothing felt numb. We just had a sensational time. And my partner felt like he could have gone on for longer. Next time I use it, I'm clearing my schedule. And don't just take my word for it. Over 2,000 healthcare professionals also recommend Promescent. So check out promescent.com. They have a full line of products from lubricants to supplements, everything you'll need for long time.

longer-lasting, more satisfying sex, and a 60-day money-back guarantee.

So I guess we can start there. What are some benefits of prostate play from a male perspective and from someone who has experienced it? Sure. As a... prostate owner. As a prostate owner. Indeed. Yes, I can tell you that the main benefit to me is just pleasure, right? It's a pleasurable thing to be stimulated in my experience. So I tried to find other, there's various studies here and there saying, yeah, if you masturbate a lot and or you release these glands a lot.

Some people say it's correlated with the reduction in prostate cancer. Some people say it's correlated with a reduction or alleviation of, I think, prostosis, which is, I think, an inflammation. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Prostatitis. Thank you. Maybe you can just cut out from the me saying it wrong. No, I like it. It feels natural. All right. Prostatitis. Prostatitis. But I don't know. Rolls off the tongue.

I read some articles showing the technique that even doctors can use to offer some relief if the fluid is built up, for example, et cetera. so there may be health benefits i guess i would say but certainly there are pleasure benefits and pretty significant pleasure benefits in my experience yeah My assessment pretty similar in terms of when I was doing a little bit of research and reading.

Didn't feel like the medical benefits were that strongly supported. Yeah, that's what I found as well. I think the only thing that I read that came up was that it does bring blood. to the pelvic floor area, which is always good. And it does reduce the fluid in the prostate as well, which I think if you have excessive fluid, it can lead to health issues later for men.

So it's more like a preventative practice for men. So that's what I read. But I think more importantly, and what we'll probably be focusing on today, is the pleasure benefits. And I think that's probably smarter since both of us are not doctors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Research scientists for prostate play. Now, is this something that you would do as a solo?

person or would you do it in a couple or a relationship situation? How would you prefer to explore it usually? Because it can be done either way in either context, right? Yeah. And I will say when I was exploring self-pleasure as a new self-pleasure explorer when I was young and in puberty, I definitely did self-anal stimulation. Okay. Without good information. Right. Okay. So certainly there are people doing that. I don't imagine I was the first. Yeah.

So definitely, yes, you can stimulate it yourself. It's awkward, but mostly to me, based on the angle. Unless you have a toy, I guess, right? If you have toys that work well, yeah, you can do it. I definitely find the most pleasure from stimulation with a partner. And I think that's for a couple of reasons. Oh, okay. Well, one is the angle's better. Okay, yeah. Toys are great, but I have not found a toy that mimics the benefits of a finger, for example, connected to a human.

That's one thing. And then secondly, is if you're doing it yourself, you can't relax in quite the same way, or I should say, I cannot relax in quite the same way and get the maximum experience from it, which can be quite amazing. the first time experienced was mind-blowing amazing and then exploring after that it is very different for me and it is a real level up of an orgasm or it can be if done right and i would say i cannot get

that by myself. Okay, interesting. Or I haven't. Interesting, interesting. Would you say that's because as well when you have... A partner, the finger is just so much more flexible and versatile in the kind of motions and techniques that it can offer? Or is it more of the... emotional connection where this is such a vulnerable experience. And I think for men, this idea of receiving, right? And receiving.

some kind of penetration kind of opens you up to new sensations and new experiences. Well, the mechanics, the biomechanics of the finger certainly plays a part. Yeah. the mechanics of the fact that there is a human attached and can slow down and speed up and adjust when you move is just better. Okay. Also, if your breath speeds up, your breath slows down. you could relaxing into things. A human can adjust to that where a toy can't, it's difficult by yourself. I definitely feel.

that the emotional connection is important that there's another person there giving you pleasure it is just a it's a wonderful thing there maybe it has to do with the vulnerability i don't know i don't know how to answer that one element of your question yeah I definitely don't know how to answer the genderized element of your question because I've only ever been a man. Yeah. I've only ever been male. So I don't know what it's like to not be me.

I guess my experience with giving prostate massage, one of the things that my partners have told me is that it's very healing for them because I think... The whole idea of male sexuality, firstly, is that they're the initiators. Sometimes they have to take the lead. They are the givers sometimes, goes with the anatomy sometimes, especially if they are quite penetration focused with another woman in a heterosexual context.

And so for them to lie there and receive an experience and just sort of surrender to that can be very healing for them, can be very different from the role that they usually play in the bedroom. And that's what people have given me feedback on. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Healing. Maybe you are a doctor. Maybe I have a doctor. Prostate healing doctor.

That's great. I like to think of, I'm more like a Florence Nightingale, maybe. Character. Well, now I know what next movie we should make. Yes, yes, yes. I can see that. I will say. Okay. I generally don't play as much into the stereotypical and certainly the porn gender roles that we see. So maybe I don't experience it the same way that a lot of people do, but I definitely have gotten similar feedback when I have practiced this receiving of prostate pleasure.

from women saying, this is amazing that you are lying back and I get to just give this pleasure like this. I have gotten, I guess, the converse of that feedback that you've gotten. And I will say, I definitely feel it is wonderful to be able to lie back and receive pleasure. Because... I definitely have felt that it is frequently expected for men to be very active and work. Well, for me, I would say to be active and work and do these things and make the decisions and make the sex happen. Yeah.

So it is nice to be able to play the other side of that for sure. And that's probably what I personally enjoy about giving somebody a prostate orgasm as well. I mean, firstly, it's a very intimate experience. And I think it's very sensual because it tends to be a slower pace of sex or a slower pace of lovemaking than sometimes if the other parts of the genitals are involved. I mean, I enjoy just playing with men's butts. I just like the form of a male butt.

giving a middle finger up to the patriarchy a little bit. I like all of that. Is that what that does? I mean, a symbolic middle finger. And maybe a literal middle finger as well. Actually, I prefer to use the index finger, but just to say. I would like to see you go back and forth between those two things we just talked about. Like, this is very healing. Fuck the patriarchy. My finger's going in. It's all of it. It's a complex experience for me. Lie back and enjoy. Peg the Patriot.

That's good. I will say, the feedback I have gotten every time I have first taught someone to give me prostate pleasure, I know two things. Number one, it is... very common that I will have been the first person to show them how to do this. And number two, almost to a person, they are very grateful.

to have been taught this, to have been given this experience of to give this pleasure. And I probably would not have intuitively expected that, but it is almost 100% of the time, every time I have ever taught a partner to do that. And it is kind of a wonderful moment. And it's a wonderful gift that you give your partner, actually. Teach them how to pleasure you. Right. How to give me that gift. I know. It's the gift that keeps giving. It is.

And it is amazing. That moment for that kind of vulnerable sensuality, I agree, it generally takes longer. It definitely does for me, is just amazing. And emotional for a lot of people. Yeah, yeah.

So are there any specific health concerns or contraindications for prostate play before we go straight into diving into the pleasure part of prostate play? Just for safety reasons. Yeah. Well, here are the ones I've heard and the ones I've experienced. And then maybe you have a bit more knowledge. But for sure, that skin is more fragile and more sensitive.

So part of the sensitive part is why it's so great to kind of to stimulate it sometimes to slowly and then not so slowly stimulate it depending on what the person wants. So there's one, which is you can tear it. Oh, yeah. And then you can tear it. a little bit, and you can also tear it to the point where someone might get an anal fissure or a peranal fissure or things like that. So there are those.

Yeah. Worries. Yeah. Especially if you're not paying attention, especially if you get into more the toys or the pegging or things like that. It's a lot easier if you can't feel there. And then, of course, there's the nails. I've definitely had problems with fingernails. So those are the ones I know about. I don't know about anything other than that. Okay, so for the health concerns, what I think it's important to know is that I think if you already have any conditions that...

involve inflammation of the prostate. So if you actually already have prostatitis. Did I make you say it wrong? Is it just by saying it wrong once? Prostatitis? I mean, I like that better. It's actually prostatitis, which is an inflammation of the prostate gland. But you like to add an extra tit in there. I know, I do. Prostatitis?

I know, it's fun, right? Let's just change the word to that. That's a more fun word. Prostitititis. Prostitititis. I know. I like it. Wish I had a tit in most words, which end with tis, I feel. Because they often describe diseases. So we should just- Just add a tit into all the diseases. Like dermatitis. Dermatitis. We might get more people in medical school that way.

But anyway, I think if you are a man who already has been diagnosed with prostatitis, prostate cancer, if you have hemorrhoids, I think all of those conditions are contraindicated. for a prostate play. Probably everything, right? Probably then herpes, if it's around a herpes sore maybe, and maybe an anal wart, for example. I imagine all of those things would go into it.

So I think just making sure that you don't have any of those conditions before you start prostate play. That's as medical as I'm going to get today, I promise. Pretty good advice. It's hard to argue with that advice. Like if there's something going on down there, yeah, maybe you don't want to do that play. And then I guess, I don't know, this kind of bleeds into the idea of, sorry for that. Bleeds into the idea of also the fear.

around it. But then I imagine if people are worried about health conditions, et cetera, they're probably worried about the hygiene. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people have fears around anything to do with. anal or butts. I think that goes across all genders, by the way.

Yeah. And to some degree, like there's probably, you probably, you want to wash your toys after you want to wash your hands. Like there probably is, you know, you want to wash things because yes, there is bacteria there. There's stuff you want to make sure is clean. Of course. But I think probably the biggest fear that I do hear from people is that it's going to make a mess, right? There's, I think a lot of people think that the rectum, I'm going to say this indelicately.

is kind of like a holding reservoir of shit, you know? Well, first of all, I think we've learned we should change the word to rectitum. Okay. You're right. The rectitum, Dr. Changs, is not... a holding reservoir of shit. No, it's a highway. You're right. It's a highway. That is such a better metaphor for it. It's a highway. Yeah. It's a highway. It's not a reservoir.

Right. That's right. I've heard it say that if you're talking about the difference between a rectum and a vagina, for example, it's mostly true. One is a cul-de-sac and one is a highway. Yeah. which is frequently when we talk about like why you have flared bases on anal toys, for example, and you don't necessarily need that for vaginal toys. It's because you can fish something out of a vagina because it's- Yeah, never get lost.

Right. It's harder to get lost. Whereas you have muscles in your butt. When we talk about toys, I'm sure we'll talk about this. Yeah, you want that flared base because it can easily get lost up there. Yeah. So I guess that is a common concern. I guess it's a common concern that there will be a mess. And I think if you think about the rectum as a highway and not a reservoir.

you'll know that if you have regular healthy bowel movements, I think you'll generally be able to avoid most of the mess. And then there are other things that you could probably do as well. To maybe rinse out internally to just make sure things are maybe 100% squeaky clean. Absolutely. Before embarking on prostate play. So there are definitely things you can do to overcome that fear.

If we want to get specific, I can tell you what I do, which is just the, I use the soapy finger technique. You use the soapy finger technique. Okay. That's really it. And it's just what it sounds like, I would imagine. I shower to clean everything up. And I will say, if there's ever a chance of prostate play, I probably extra clean everything for no good reason. Like my hair is way cleaner.

Before that, just everything goes into like magic. Everything is squeaky clean. But then I will also, I will pay extra attention and I will do the soapy finger cleanup. Okay. Okay. I think soapy finger is a great technique. I think some people also use little anal douches. Or you can have an enema if you really want it to be very squeaky clean. Some people do that a few hours before.

But usually I would say a soapy finger, usually even an anal douche, which has like a bulb with some water, will just clear out any sort of maybe excess debris that may be in there. But I wouldn't expect it to be a hole. lot. Right. I guess if we wanted to. Right. I've never done that, but yeah, my understanding is not a whole lot, but it's a nice next level. It's a nice reassurance to maybe have and to also give you a partner as well.

I think sometimes I would also make the same recommendation for women if they are going to proceed with anal play. There are ways to prep and those would be exactly the same ways that they would prep for that as well. Yeah. And then also, of course, there are barriers. You can just put a condom on your finger, honestly. Well, there are finger condoms. And then there are finger condoms, exactly. Some people use gloves.

Some people use finger condoms. I think finger condoms are probably my preference because gloves seem a little clinical, but hey, that could be what you're into. If that's what you're playing. Exactly. But then you got to get the rest of the outfit. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. So for me, finger condoms, usually good. And they're a little easier to just like whip off as well, an entire glove. But yeah, it's whatever you choose to do.

I think other fears that have come up when I mentioned prostate play or any kind of anal play, right, is the sort of fear of pain or discomfort with that area. And I think as we mentioned earlier, the tissue is quite sensitive. The skin is quite sensitive in the anal cavity.

Maybe some of these people have had a bad experience before, maybe with a finger, with a long fingernail, or something has happened to them. Or with an annual medical screening. Oh, yes. Because I'll tell you, coming out of an annual medical screening, Yeah. Yeah. I don't think, you know what? I want to do that for fun. For men. This is, we're talking male from sort of prostate owners. For prostate owners. For prostate owners, yeah.

And it's good to get this screened. They have, I mean, you can screen for the indicators as well, but also feeling it is the best way to see if it's inflamed. So the doctor does this. It is for most people. I'm sure somebody's into it, but for most people, including me, like it is not a pleasurable experience. It's not something we look forward to. And it's like, all right, it's done.

It's uncomfortable for sure. And it is basically the same thing I'm doing for pleasure. So the context makes a big difference. Yeah. Yeah. And also who's doing it, obviously. Yes. Yeah. But I think. I don't care. Even if it were one of my partners, for example, or someone who I might want to be a partner or might fantasize about being a partner. Let's make that person a doctor and doing my screening. It's still not right. It still doesn't work for me. It's not sexy for you.

No, I'm sure it is for somebody. Okay. I'm sure it is for some people. Yeah. But no, even then, I don't know, there's just so much lead in maybe. Maybe it's just the foreplay problem, which they don't do in waiting rooms, sadly. No, they don't. They don't warm you up. No. Yeah. That's a shame. Also, I don't really want them to, usually. I don't want... Yeah.

But that's a shame. And so people have these negative experiences and then it causes them to associate any kind of butt play, really, with something very clinical or something just very unpleasant, I guess. Right. And I guess a tip to overcome that, don't do it at the doctors. Yeah. Don't try to walk your doctor through it the way you want it. I've found that to be very uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. And lots of warmup. Go slowly.

Go slowly. Have somebody who is patient, methodical, skilled, do it to you as opposed to just somebody sort of thrusting something up there. Yeah, you don't start with penetration. Usually you can start with other kinds of stimulation, all of those things. And then I say it's all about...

being present. So if you're present, and this goes for everything, but it's doubly important for this. If you're present with your partner, you can see what they're enjoying, what they're not enjoying. If you have good language for... adjusting and or stopping it makes all the anxiety better yeah If everybody knows that they are there for the other person's pleasure and like a wonderful word you used, which is a gift, that you're both giving a gift to each other, really.

It can help. And going slowly, communicating a lot, using good lube. Yeah, I know. All things you don't do out of the doctors. Well, they frequently use good lube. Do they? That's nice. That's nice. Because I think before they were just using the sort of very age-old KY Jelly. Yeah. But that can be fine for... Would you consider that it? It's actually good for the short and quick entries. And then that's it. That's it. But I guess you wouldn't really use it for maybe a longer session.

I mean, that wouldn't be my recommendation anyway, because I think it tends to dry out quite quickly. What is it made of? I don't use KY a lot. So doesn't KY make all the different kinds of- It's mainly water-based. It's water-based. So no, in general, I would say no. I guess we can jump into this, but we can slide into this conversation. But in general, I would say water-based lube is not the best for this type of play. But you're right, you can use it.

For if it's quick and... But if it's a doctor's appointment, then... Probably fine. You're not there to lengthen the... Extend the entire experience. Yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, yeah. And you're probably not seeking to be extremely present in that experience either. You're just like, I wish I was anywhere else but here at this moment. That's exactly right. I'm definitely not present. You're not present. I'm definitely trying to think of other things.

Maybe that's not the right way to go. Maybe I should be more present being like, all right, let's get this done fast. I'm definitely here feeling this. You should embrace it. I am embracing this test to see if my prostate is enlarged right now. while I'm bent over sideways over crinkly paper on a thing with a guy trying not to do this. Yeah.

Well, let's see how that works out for you. Yeah, we'll see. I'll let you know. Okay, let me know. A live tweeted. That's a good way to not be present, to just be on Twitter the entire time. That's true. Be on live stream. Well, somebody found a niche. I don't know of any prostate influencers. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Me having a prostate exam live stream. That's right. That would be great. Just live stream.

I'll bet someone's done this. Someone's live streamed their face during a prostate exam for sure. It can be on the website only fannies. Sorry. Let's go register that URL right away. That's right. Trademark it. Trademark that shit. So to speak. Have you heard about this concern that sometimes also people bring up that the past is just not biologically designed or made for sexual exploration? I guess.

Somebody who says this would maybe believe that, oh, you know, it's only really like just the penis and the vagina. Those are maybe. from God, how we were created. And those were the tools that we were given for sexual pleasure. And the anus is really something that's actually just more for... other functions. Yeah. That's an exit, not an entrance. Yeah. You've heard that one, right? It's an exit, not an entrance. Yeah. Yeah.

Think of people who struggle with those kind of taboos. Yeah. Why would put the waste disposal department next to the amusement park? What's with all this? Yeah. I mean, I won't comment on what God was trying to do in doing all this. And I definitely have heard this, all those things, obviously. I've heard those things as well. Yeah, I don't care. The thing that it either feels good or it doesn't.

And definitely you should not do the things that don't feel good to you, for sure. So as far as that goes, that's... Right. If it's not comfortable, you can't make it work. It's not pleasurable for you. There's no reason to try to make this work, in my opinion. If you just feel like, oh, this wasn't designed for that, what I would say is for some reason.

Prostate stimulation leading to orgasm or during orgasm or something is pleasurable for many, many people who have prostates. So whatever the design was, I don't know, but the experience of it. is very mind-blowingly wonderful for a lot of people, including me. And so I guess it's just a point of identifying if you have those beliefs. just questioning where they come from and if they are serving you or if they're actually preventing you from exploring this highly pleasurable part of your body.

Or the opposite. Maybe they're leading you towards this because if the pleasure there exists for a lot of people. And so if it was, maybe if that's where your inclinations are, maybe you can think that it's there for a reason. that type of pleasure is there for a reason. I don't know. Because why would it have been created otherwise, right? That's right. It's intelligent prostate design.

So what does a prostate orgasm feel like? This is a topic of much curiosity for a non-prostate owner like me. I mean, I'd love to know. Yeah, it is going to be very difficult to describe. I actually have difficulty describing even just what female orgasms feel like. Sometimes when people go, what does a clitoral orgasm feel like? I find it tough to describe in words.

yeah but give it a go all right we'll try so it is more full to me meaning it feels more like like orgasms are great what i'm gonna all orgasms all orgasms are great well yeah most orgasms are great if it is just a penis stimulation wonderful and at the point of orgasm i definitely feel clenching in various places as many people do with their orgasms When there is prostate stimulation, with me it's in the later stage of the orgasm cycle. It feels to me like it reaches farther into my body.

like into my skin into my hands and fingers when i'm feeling it and if i'm breathing correctly during the prostate orgasm I actually can kind of see pins and needles and sometimes visions from a really good orgasm that I don't get with a non-prostate stimulation augmented orgasm. Wow. Wow. Wow. It sounds like an out of body. Oh, maybe it's not an out of body.

such an embodied, a full-bodied experience. It feels more like a full-bodied experience. Yeah, that's how I put it. And my tendency when I do this, when it happens, is to describe the visions to my partner who's there, who I'm sure does not care. But I don't know what drives me to do this, but I always want to describe the things I'm seeing while it's happening. What do you see? What's something that you have seen? Well, it's more like shapes and colors.

There's no characters and plot lines. It's just, I would say like, oh, wow, I see a green and black ball spinning in a sea of yellow. Oh, now it's turning into waves of green or something. And it's sort of connected with the wave.

of pleasure that i'm feeling but physiologically other things happen as well okay so for example my erection will stay for longer if it's really good in a prostate orgasm for whatever reason the erection stays for a while after and i don't understand why but it does also it lasts for longer for example my orgasm With just penis stimulation, I don't know, is 20 seconds to a minute maybe with prostate play.

It can be three minutes, four minutes. The orgasm just lasts a lot longer. And that is also mind-blowing amazing. Like just imagine extending your orgasm by threefold.

Yeah, fourfold. And maybe we should actually explain this to people because I think sometimes there might be a misconception for penis owners or for prostate owners that when you actually ejaculate. That's the only way a penis owner can have an orgasm. And actually what you're saying and what you're describing is that no, it's not. There are other types of orgasms that are available for the penis owner, prostate owner, for the male body.

And this is just another way to access orgasms that don't involve an ejaculation. Or do they involve an ejaculation? Tell me. For me, the ejaculation continues. The ejaculation continues. It's not, so I don't ejaculate for three minutes straight. I eat at the beginning, like you can see kind of the pre-cum and then I will orgasm definitely before I start ejaculating. more with prostate stimulation. So I'm going to call it a prostate orgasm, which is how I experience it.

Prostate orgasm, I will start to orgasm in all the other ways that you would experience an orgasm with ejaculation, like the contractions, like everything is there. That kind of peak pleasure, like all of it. It's not like when I... edge play and i have a like a smaller orgasm that's not associated with ejaculation it's more like it's associated with an ejaculation and then i will ejaculate okay for longer but it will go on for longer right okay

and then it will stop but i'm still in that orgasm and then i will ejaculate a little more and then i will wait and then ejaculate a little more the whole time the ejaculate looks different because there is more of that Seminal fluid. The seminal fluid. Yeah, apostatic fluid. It's more, people describe it as more milky. It's not as thick. So that will happen. So some of that comes out for the entire time, bit by bit. How interesting. How interesting. So just to go back to what I was saying.

is that ejaculation and orgasm for men are two different responses in the male body. They can occur together. And I think for a lot of men, they do occur together. But I would say that... stimulating the prostate is a way of kind of separating the two, if you wanted to. Yes. If you wanted to. Now, I will say that's right. It is a way to decouple. It is a way to learn to decouple. I guess we can go back to our first question because that is an important...

benefit, why would you do prostate stimulation? Well, it is one way to help learn to decouple orgasms from ejaculation if that's what you want to do, which is a fun skill to develop. I will say. Yeah. It's a fun skill because then you could have multiple orgasms. Can, yes. Have you had multiple orgasms with prostate play?

Yes. It is easier to do it with prostate play. The big vision orgasms are something I can't. I see. After that four-minute orgasm, weirdly, I will stay erect, but I cannot have another orgasm soon after that. Okay. But when you're having multiple orgasms with prostate plate, you're also ejaculating with that? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Okay. Because I would imagine, obviously, it would be easier to have multiple orgasms if you don't ejaculate.

That's right. And for the partners that I have given prostate massages to, the orgasms they describe, especially if there's multiple orgasms, is They describe it as surfing, like surfing the wave. Yeah, I can see that. Right? So it's like a wave that sort of builds up in strength and intensity, it crests, and then it goes down again.

They say it's not as intense sometimes as an ejaculatory orgasm. You don't have such a big peak and then sort of the calm down after that, but rather it's an extended. kind of wavy orgasms. It's like a series of waves that keep coming. That is how I experience it as well. I see. Except for the vision prostate orgasms.

So yes, absolutely. Very cool. Have you ever heard of some of these myths around prostate play since we're on the topic? There's one myth that I think is really quite common. I've heard it quite. a few times is that prostate massage is only for gay men. Yeah. Have you heard of that one? Of course. Well, it's all in popular culture. It's in movies. It's in things. I find that quite troubling. Yeah, the weird joke is this...

Yeah, this person likes prostate play. They must be gay. Or I thought the person might be gay because they liked it a lot. Yeah. I can probably note some movies, but let's not call out writers. Yeah, it's very pervasive, I think, that if you like anal play at all, then it has something to do with being gay. And I think just because there's what the anatomy is, what the anatomy is, that probably gay people have...

better access to exploring these areas or have more opportunity. So I get it a little, but it's weird for it to be a myth. I mean, it's weird for it to be so pervasive to me because, I mean, there's a lot of nerve endings there. And all of us...

maybe while we're self-pleasuring or something, kind of feel what it feels like to have some kind of anal stimulation or something. I'm surprised that no one's done that and be like, oh, this does feel good. Are we all just that not comfortable with ourself? We'd be like, oh, maybe I'm... Gay. Yeah. Yeah. Women also like anal play as well. I mean, does it make me gay as well? Makes you a gay man. Makes me a gay man. I know. I enjoy anal.

I think just as much as anyone with an anus does. And I always say that the anus is sort of the ass is like an equal opportunity orifice. It is. Because I think everyone can enjoy it. Gay, straight, trans, whatever. Anyone with an ass. And we almost all have asses. Yeah. I think everyone I know has an ass. I don't know. It would be sad to be born without an ass, no? Well, you might lose an ass. There's, you know, I don't know. That's true. Yeah.

I never like to talk in absolutes. You're right. You're right. There's always. Okay. Well, everyone with an ass can enjoy it if they are open to the idea. Right. And I don't think it makes you gay. I can tell you it doesn't make you gay. Yeah. And I think, I mean, just being gay in general, just understanding what being gay is about. It's a sexual orientation. It's about who you're attracted to. It's not about what you do.

Right. When I was young and discovered I liked anal stimulation, I'd be like, well, gotta be gay now. Did you actually think about that? Were you actually worried? No. Never once. I don't know why, though. Because, I mean, I grew up in a... very homophobic time in a homophobic place. Weirdly, I never cared. I don't know why though. It's everyone else did, you know, I never worried whether I was gay or not.

A friend once told me, now, Prescott, if you were gay, you would be like in your underwear on a pride float, which is probably true. I would have been perfectly fine, I think, if I discovered I was gay. I'd be like, all right, well, that's what I am now. It was never really. Never really made me anxious. And I will say- You never wanted to explore prostate play with another man, for example? Well, I definitely have wanted to explore talking about prostate play with gay friends.

Okay. For sure. Okay. And maybe that was me buying into the myth and be like, oh, do you guys know more about prostate play? Maybe you've done this. And I don't know if they did know more about it, but they definitely were more willing to talk about it. So I found it's nice to talk to. Of course, people who are open to talking. People who do ass play, it's nice to talk with them about ass play. Yeah. Naturally. Yes.

So on the topic of talking about this stuff, because I know that you run all of these consent workshops, you were on my consent episode. So let's aim this question towards somebody who was just starting. to explore prostate play. And this could be with a partner of any gender. But how would you recommend that someone who is starting out with prostate play engage in consent and communication around this?

So I want you to be comfortable giving instructions right now. Right. Okay. So I guess that is an important thing other than other sexual things where it's important for you to be able to give instructions. But if I'm a newbie and I don't really know how to instruct somebody. what should I say? You should say that feels too fast, maybe, or that's too far in, or I think you need to be farther in. Okay, okay. But there is some anatomy I'm going to give you because you might not know this.

Okay. So if you're on your back, go ahead and get on your back. Okay. Good. Thank you. Yes. I'm on my back. Yeah. That's good. We're just going to take these pants off. Good. Well done. Good. Well, you're fast at that. That's great. I'm a prostate owner that wears a skirt, just so you know. Okay. So, well, we took your underpants off. Okay. Yeah. So if you're on your back, your prostate, if we're going in through the anus, is going to be up. Uh-huh.

All right. So we're going to go in and with most people, it's about an inch or two in. Okay. And then up and you can feel it. So I'm just going to lube up here a little bit. Okay. Okay. And we're going to, as we put your gloves on, I'm going to put three, four gloves on.

We're going to go in and you can feel it as I get here. And what I am feeling is I am feeling a slightly more dense area that sort of feels like... it's walnut sized but it is more dense than the rest of this tissue i'm feeling and that is the prostate all right can you feel it as i'm stroking this prostate i'm going to stroke it very slowly yeah it feels weird

Yeah. Well, maybe if we had done a bit more foreplay and you're more sexually aroused, it would feel better. But maybe as a newbie, I'm new to this. So maybe I haven't really felt this before, right? So obviously, it feels a little weird. I feel a lot of pressure, but keep going a little bit. Okay. Yeah. We'll just keep going a little bit. Yeah. Maybe a little bit deeper. Oh, that's good. Yeah. All right. So how about this? Can you...

Breathe for me. So just breathe deep. Yeah, nice. And just keep doing that. And what I want you to do is just focus on anything that feels good. Okay. And you can tell me if it feels good. You can tell me if it doesn't feel good. Okay. Or you can reflect it to me in any way you want to. You can moan. Oh, you just, oh, that felt good. Oh, good. You just, oh, what you did there.

All right, I'm going to keep doing that thing then. I'm going to push right here. I'm doing a come-hither motion with my finger then, my three-gloved index finger. And I'm going to keep stimulating that way because you seem to like that. Yeah. I like that. A little faster. Good. All right. So here's what I'm going to try. I'm going to try stimulating your other parts while I'm doing this to see if that feels better or worse for you. Okay. Do you have a penis?

I do have penis. Okay. I'm going to stimulate your penis then. Okay. So you're doing it together. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Just to see. And you can tell me, no, I like it better one way. I like it better the other way. And it's going to change. at the beginning of your orgasm cycle is going to feel different than when we're close to a peak oh yeah definitely feeling like i'm building up more excitement

Once you touch my penis. Oh, that's great. I'm very excited looking at you, feeling this pleasure. So thank you for letting me do this. Yeah. But I think that it's getting a bit intense now. Okay. I'm going to slow down a little bit. Do you want me to withdraw fully or do you want me to slow down? I think maybe just withdraw for a while and just, I want to maybe take a break for a bit. All right. I'm going to slowly withdraw.

And then maybe I'm just going to cuddle you then for a little bit. Okay. That sounds good. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. How was your first prostate stimulation? Fantastic. That's great. I survived. Survived to tell the tale. But no, that was great. And thank you for role-playing that. I hope people listening find that useful. I hope so too. I mean, it sounded like you as a giver was very detailed with...

describing your experience as well. So even as a receiver, like it was quite reassuring to know that you were breaking down what you were going to do. I already knew I could anticipate, okay, so now you're going to reach deeper. Now you're going to do more of this. Now you're going to withdraw. And that felt comforting for me.

Oh, that's great. So I guess everybody, especially as they're starting, should just pretend they're on a podcast. I can see how that'd be very reassuring. Yeah, more words I find are frequently reassuring. And helpful. Yeah. Especially for a first time. Yeah. Yeah. I think. Can't go wrong with more words. That's true. Almost ever. And thank you as well for slowly and mindfully exiting.

my anal cavity because I do want to say that that's actually a very important point that sometimes people forget. Yeah. Just as much as you want to be slow and mindful about the entry. You also want to be very slow and mindful about the exit. And you don't want to like just pull out your finger or your toy suddenly. You also want to take some time. You might want to pause. You might want to hold for a second and then slowly just...

I love the way you put that. Slowly and mindfully is, I think, the right way to exit a butt. Yeah. Other things that I really enjoyed about that was that you asked me to take lots of deep breaths. I think that's also a really great technique for relaxation. Yeah. And that's something that I would do as well for somebody who was a first-timer. Actually, it doesn't really matter whether you're a first-timer or somebody who's experienced, I think, deep breaths with.

Any kind of pleasure play, orgasmic play, it just deepens and heightens the experience. Yes. And I will say, if anybody wants to go and try to get the visions that I get, and I definitely write all of those experiences to Sarah, go ahead and send that to her email. But I can't do it without pretty deep breath.

work. It only works if I do the deep breath and I generally have to be reminded as well because the sensations are very intense. So reminding myself to breathe deep into it so that it's relaxed. will make it more likely that I get those. Oh, interesting. Your partner to keep giving you those cues then. Or I need to remind myself somehow. Okay.

I guess because sometimes when you are getting excited, the tendency is to just breathe more shallowly. Yes. Yes, exactly. Panting, maybe a little bit. Right. But if I can slow down my breath. It kind of overfills my lungs with a little bit of oxygen, which I think helps with those visions. And then it also focuses the pleasure. I can relax in the pleasure focus there. It's just quite amazing.

And I think it's also interesting, the other thing that you brought up doing that role play was that you actually touched the penis as well as the prostate. So you combined it. And I think that for some men, that could be very pleasurable. And I think it increases the chances of you having an ejaculatory orgasm that way. It does for me. While you are playing with the penis as well. I also do know of men who actually...

prefer just to have the prostate played with. I think they prefer just to focus on the raw sensation of just the prostate and when the penis comes into play, it actually kind of distracts them. from the prostate sensation and sometimes even from the prostate orgasm, right? Which isn't necessarily an ejaculatory orgasm. So I think maybe those men or partners that I've had who just want me to focus on the prostate.

They prefer just to ride the waves of the prostate orgasm without just the ejaculatory orgasm kind of coming in and distracting from the experience.

What are we actually looking for in a prostate toy? Well, I think it's going to be different for different people. And I think you'll see I've laid out a couple of my toys so you can see. So I do every once in a while, I test prototypes for some companies. And so these are two prototypes that I tested. Cool.

I mean, for me, what I look for in a prostate toy, I think is, well, it has to be shaped correctly to put pressure on my prostate would be number one. And that's not... so easy because everybody's prostate is a little bit different, you know, whatever. So let's just talk very quickly and just describe these toys that you've got on the table, which I would say look like the typical shape and size of quite a few prostate toys, I think. One is a bit thicker than the other.

But they've both got a flared base. They both got a flared base. Let's start there because very important, like we talked about the highway, especially as you're orgasming, but sometimes even as you're just getting stimulated, your butt has a suction. capacity it will pull things in and leave them there which is why all of those stories from emergency rooms about people with things stuck in their rectum yeah because your muscles do it and you can't do anything about it

Sometimes. So have a flared base so it cannot get stuck. Yeah. So let's talk about the shape then. Because the shape of the toys is that they're sort of shaped with a slight curve. Yes. And then kind of nubbly bits. Yeah. And the slight curve. Slight curve forward, right? Because you're trying to reach the front wall of the canal cavity, which is closer to your belly button. Yes. So that's the intent of the curve. Then the nubbly bits, I think, are intended just to be pleasurable.

in there to be able to leave pressure on the prostate because you're in there and to protrude a little bit so that the vibration goes on your prostate as well. Right. Okay. So both of these choice that you have out here actually vibrate?

Yes, they're both intended to vibrate the prostate. Okay. But it's not necessary, right? Because I do know of some prostate toys as well that actually don't vibrate at all. It's true. And I like... prostate vibration oh you do okay i like it but it's the main stimulation that i'm trying to get as i described as the come hither motion with a finger which does not need vibration but it's very difficult to engineer a toy that does the come hither

motion correctly. So in general, I think they try to, this is my speculation, is they try to supplant that with vibration, which feels a little bit like this, the motion against it.

Okay, great tips. So for our last section. It's our usual speed round. Speed round. All right. I'll try to play by the rules. Call it quickie by goodie. When do you ever play by the rules, Prescott? I want a promise so I can break that promise. And we're not supposed to play by the rules. The only rule for this round is that I just read out a prompt and we have two seconds to say something off the top of our heads. Awesome. Quickie round. I'm in.

Let's do this. Okay. First question or first prompt. What for you is the sexiest body part on someone? Their smile and their eyes. Oh my God, are we just going to say bum now? That's all. We already knew that about you. That's all we've been talking about. Sexy bums, people. Okay, but even if I'm like my hands are on a nice sexy bum, if someone is looking at me and smiling, like how sexy is that? You're right, you're right, you're right. I mean, I would say, of course, brain.

Is the sexiest. Oh, yeah. There you go. Sexiest body part. It's part of your body. Yes. Right. Okay. Butt and brain. Butt and brain. That's for me. Okay. So who looks like they need. A good prostate massage. I have two choices for you. Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla, or Barack Obama, who looks like they needed more.

Elon Musk, I will say. I will say Elon Musk. What's your reason? Well, Barack Obama looks relaxed now that he's not president anymore. He's got that really great stage presence. And he looks like he would have regular prostate massages, to be fair. That's what I'm thinking. I feel like he's quite progressive and open-minded. Yeah. He's a great orator. Yeah. So I feel like he and Michelle have a good open communication about their needs. So, yeah.

So I'm going to go with Elon as well. I am going to go with Elon as well. He needs one. Yeah. He looks a little, they have that term tight assed. He looks a little tight ass. Also, I feel like if he runs out of a charge with his toy, he might get better into that battery technology development that he should be doing. Be like, all these batteries need to last longer. Okay. So who looks like they would give a better prostate massage? Okay. Okay. Oprah Winfrey. All right. Or Madonna.

Wow. There's only one way to know, and that is to invite them both to try. Yeah. Okay. But having no other, let's see. Oh. I feel like Madonna has had her fingers up a lot of butts. Oh, okay. I was going to go with Oprah. Okay, why? Because she just seems like a nurturing character and a nurturing person to give. a prostate massage because it's a nurturing activity. Okay, I'm going to go with equal. Okay. I think they probably both have their skills.

Okay. Yet, I think Madonna, in some ways, it could be kind of exciting because she's all about breaking taboos and being naughty. And I feel it could be a good prostate massage in a totally different way. I agree. I think I would find it more arousing, probably. Here's my feeling about it. Okay. For someone with a prostate. I get that. Here's the thing. I feel like I need to be kind of in a total judgment-free zone.

And I feel like Madonna lives in a judgment-free zone. And Oprah, I feel like, has every once in a while, she's like, oh, shouldn't do this, shouldn't. I might feel a little bit anxious about being judged by Oprah. Having said that. Okay. it might be more rewarding with Oprah to get past that, to have that like, hey, this is a thing I like.

Maybe you can try this for me and to have her be like, oh, thank you for teaching this for me. Or like, oh yeah, I do this all the time. This is one. So to get past my anxiety about that judgment might be more rewarding on the Oprah side. So I think either way. Either way, it's good. Either way is probably good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Where would you rather experience a prostate massage? In my prostate? Hold on. Hold on. I've got you. On the MRT or the MTR or in the office.

Wow. Okay. You're not working from home. Yeah. I don't want a prostate massage in either place. I don't, but I will say, okay, the MRT will have the nice motion. to it, right? It'll have the stop and start, which might make it exciting. I didn't think about that. But I feel like I might feel more comfortable in an office. I think it has to be, I have to go with office because I want a likelihood of a door that might lock and like there might be.

All my offices are open plan, so I'm not sure. I don't really want either of those things. Which one do you want less is the question. I think I want MRT less. Okay. Yeah. It's more likelihood of kids there. Yeah. First of all. Okay. I think the privacy is a little bit less on MRT. Okay. So would you. Wait a minute. You didn't answer. Where did you want it? I think I would say office. Office. Yeah.

I think it's also just slightly cleaner than the MRT. Could be. Hygiene-wise. Yeah. I don't know. Feels that way for sure. Feels that way. Yeah. Okay. So if you had to experience an anal probe. Okay. Would you rather be anally probed by an alien or a giant octopus? Interesting. So you went with porn genres. Yeah. I'm going to go with... If you had to experience it. I'm going to go with alien.

Okay. I'm going to go with the alien as well. I don't know. I'm thinking like, what is it about myself that doesn't want the octopus probe? I don't know, but I just, I don't for some reason. I could be an alien that looked like an octopus. Wow. But you know what? It could be an alien that looked like E.T. You know, it'd be like E.T. phone home with his finger that lights up. If it lights up, I'm definitely going with the alien. If it's cool like that.

If he's got a police strobe light for a finger, I definitely want the E.T. alien. He has a very long finger if you've ever watched E.T. What about if the alien just looks like Madonna? I'll take that one. Okay. I mean, aliens could look like anything. So I guess. Or Oprah. Either way. I'll take the alien. Okay. Well, thanks so much, Prescott, for joining me today. This was really fun.

Thank you for letting me come back. We got to the bottom of this situation. I've missed this. I missed you. Oh, I miss you too. So listeners, I would love to hear from you. Did this episode interest you in exploring more prostate play? Find me at Hello Sarah Sense on Instagram or drop me a line at sarahsense.com. I would love to hear from you.

And if you want to support the podcast and my work to build a more sex-positive world, I would appreciate it if you found me on Patreon. I'm offering some cool perks in exchange for bonus content. that is exclusive only to patrons. So find me there. Or you can also subscribe, share, write me a review as those things really help me out too.

And I'm going to close this episode by saying whether or not you have a prostate, stay curious and keep exploring your body because it holds so much potential for pleasure and it's a great way to get better in bed. Thank you.