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Within seconds, I get a Facebook message and he goes, is this about your dad? And I got like a chill down my back and I responded with yes, with like a bunch of dots, and he immediately replied with I know this because it happened to me too.
I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Trail, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. Recently, a listener were calling, Taylor wrote into us. She grew up with her two parents and her older brother in a small Midwestern town.
Very small town feel. Everyone kind of knew each other in some capacity. Had to drive about an hour to a decent mall.
That mall was a place Taylor and her mom would go shopping together.
We were kind of attached to the hip. At one point. She would always say that I had to go shopping with her because I was the only one who knew where she parked her car.
Growing up, Taylor's mom was her best friend.
My mom was very demure, the trendy popular word to use. She was quieter, and she was to stay at home mom for most of our lives.
That gave her a lot of time to spend with Taylor.
She was always the one that pick up drop off. She was definitely the default parent. She was a self proclaimed bookworm. We both enjoyed reading together, playing with dolls. She taught me how to bake, She taught me how to cook. We always did things together.
Taylor's dad was the head of the household. He was beloved in their family and in their community.
Easy go lucky, wore Margueriteaville t shirt, always had a smile on his face.
Taylor's parents had been together since they were young.
My mom was pregnant when she was sixteen, he was twenty. She dropped out of high school and he moved her across the country to follow him to the Air Force.
That military background became part of the family culture.
It was a pretty strict household growing up. We definitely grew up with rules, and one of the rules was do everything you're asked.
Striving to be a good daughter was really important to Taylor. She respected her parents. She even shared her dad's name. My dad was Big Taylor and I was Taylor Lynn. Big Taylor was a big sports guy. Some of my happiest moments growing up revolver ond sports. I always played a sport ever since I was five. She started with her dad's sport, soccer. He was a well known soccer coach in the area.
My dad coached my brother, he coached me. He coached beyond both of us.
Everyone in their small town adored Taylor's dad.
He had the nickname of GC, which stood for a goofy coach, because he kind of took the happy role in the coaching situation, the good cop role. I did not know a world that did not involve sports, but I loved it. I got really involved in volleyball, especially travel volleyball.
Quickly the sport became her entire life.
Being good at volleyball and trying to get a scholarship or trying to get a spot on a college team was my biggest objective in high school.
She wanted to leave her small town and make it to a big state school.
If I would have stayed at home and maybe even played at the community college. That was out of the question. I didn't even want to talk to the community college coach.
Her dad could be hard on her, pushing her to get better.
On the court. My dad looked like he was the most supportive dad in the world because he would come watch my practices. But if he thought I didn't play well enough, or if he thought I wasn't practicing hard enough, I would get pulled aside to a place where no one could hear, or in the car on the way home or at home, and he would say how terrible I was, and how I'm half assing things, and just
be so mad at me. He'd had this dart side where he would just flip a switch where nothing could get him out of it.
The pressure from her dad could be intense. By her senior year of high school, Taylor had made it onto one of the best volleyball teams in the area.
We were really good. There wasn't a lot for my dad to critique, so he kind of had to ease up there.
Taylor's hard work paid off when she was accepted to a liberal arts college on a volleyball scholarship. The school was an hour away from her parents' house, so when she started that fall, her dad came to every game.
He was my biggest cheerleader. He was being so great to me. He was being the dad that I always wanted. He came to everything. He never critiqued how I played, even when I didn't know the best game, which he would have tore me apart when I was younger. For some of that, and volleyball became like a happy space again.
But that pressure to be the best didn't go away. After every mistake or lost game, she heard her dad dad's voice in her head.
I still wanted him to think I was the best, so I still tried hard. I worked as hard as I could. Every summer, I would do all of the workouts plus more to try to be the best that I could.
Her relationship with her dad had ups and downs, but her connection with her mom was steady.
We had those little moments where we felt like best friends and people thought we were so fun together.
They even worked together when Taylor was home from college.
We both worked at Tjmax and it would be really funny to page her from the fitting room and say, Mom, you need to come clear out the fitting room.
By the time Taylor graduated, she had developed a real sense of self.
I was finally figuring out who I was, and it took me all four years to do that. I came out such a stronger, independent, hard working person who knew that sports wasn't all that I was worth.
Once Taylor felt more secure in herself, she med a really great guy, someone who truly valued her.
He's a babe first and foremost. He's six foot five. I'm the people person and he is more of the strong, silent type. But we really balance each other out.
Taylor started a career in marketing and coach girls volleyball on the side. She and her boyfriend shared the same interests. Their lifestyles just aligned.
We both worked really hard at our career. We both coached. I coached girls volleyball, he coached girls basketball. We worked out together.
They got engaged and started planning a wedding.
Our wedding was great. My mom helped me get ready with my bridesmaids. My dad helped walk me down the aisle, had my father daughter dance.
Taylor talked to her dad on the phone almost every day, and the family spent long weekends together as Taylor's husband started spending more time with the family.
My husband would always mention how thick my dad laid it on with me. Man, he just gushes over you. It's kind of weird, it's kind of gross. And I would just be like, well, I'm the golden child, I'm the best and kind of justified as that. And it took a long time for me to understand my dad was just laying it on thick because he knew what he did to me.
Taylor and her husband were settling into married life and beginning to plan and for a family of their own.
In twenty sixteen, my husband and I were actively trying to have a baby. We got a house together, and just really getting excited for my professional career to really take off, and life was pretty.
Great at the time. Taylor had just started a new career in social media marketing.
I always had to keep in mind what trending topics were and how the brand could maybe resonate in some of those. The me too movement started trending in twenty seventeen, and it wasn't just a one day trend. Every single day there were new trending tweets with the me too hashtag that showcased stories of abuse. Seeing these headlines just really put me in a dark place and put a dark cloud over my life.
Taylor's husband started noticing a change in her.
He thought maybe there was something wrong in our marriage, or it's something that he did to make me upset. But I would go home from work and I just wouldn't want to talk. I would just kind of try to block everything out.
After a few months, Taylor's husband encouraged her to start therapy.
And it was through therapy that really helped me understand why I was feeling so upset seeing the Me Too movement. That was a major thing that happened to me that was not normal. I found a therapist and I first just started talking about my relationship with my husband. I think halfway into our first session, she asked me about my family life, and I just blurted it out that my dad abused me growing up.
It was a truth that she buried for years. She knew it happened, but she kept those memories locked away to protect herself. That was until the Me Too movement brought them back into her conscious awareness.
It was so far back in my mind, the memories and reminders would truly only come out every once in a while in very weird situations, whether it be a dream or when I was drinking with my friend, or an episode of Law and Order SVU would just hit way too close to what happened. I actually have to stop watching that show.
With the support of a licensed therapist, she began revisiting the memories she tried so hard to forget. As a note to listeners, Taylor is about to describe her experiences of sexual abuse. If it's best for you not to hear this, you can skip ahead two minutes.
The earliest time I can recall is around like three or four years old, and I just remember being in the dark with the TV on, laying next to my dad and him pleasuring himself next to me. He referred to it as helping him out, and so the phrase ever since I can remember was Hey, I need you to come help me out, or how about you help me out? Or well I could probably convince your mom to unground you if you come help me out. It was his code word. I was crying like quietly, eyes shut,
gritting my teeth, silent, stiff as a board. As soon as it would be over, I would get out of there, out of that room as fast as I could, and I would lock myself into my room.
The sexual abuse was a constant threat she navigated every day.
I drew being home alone with him at any instance my whole entire childhood. Anytime I could go to the grocery store with my mom, I would go. Anytime I could try to get out of the house, I would get out of the house. I would even bring tons of food and snacks from the pantry and hide them in my room to try to avoid going in and out of my room, because there would be times where I would just walk past his room, and that's where
I would get the request to help him out. I just knew growing up, the faster I could get it over with, the faster I could leave.
He manipulated and threatened her into staying silent. When she started looking back on her childhood, her fixation with sports started to make more sense. It wasn't just about getting a scholarship. Volleyball gave her an escape from her dad and her home.
Sports were also a great way to stay busy and not be in the house, like I always try to sign up for as much as I could and we had to do a lot of traveling with that, so the abuse wasn't as often, which was nice. It was a nice break.
But volleyball wasn't always a reprieve. The bad moods her dad would get in after she lost a game were used to control her.
If I made a mistake. I was terrified what was going to happen when I went home. The only way for me to get out of trouble or not grounded was to help him out. I would help him out, and then everything would reset and we would be completely back to normal. He would be an overly loving dad for that time period, and I was just I would go back to my room and be relieved, but at the same time, I would be counting down the days until I had to do this again.
Every time. She hoped it would be the last time, but it went on right up until she left for college.
I get mad at myself sometimes, which is really hard to deal with. I should have just called the police. I should have told a teacher, but who knows if they would have even taken me seriously because he was respected in the community.
As soon as Taylor left for college, she buried the memories of her dad's abuse. It was a survival mechanism because she depended on her parents, and despite it all, she still wanted a connection with them.
I relied on my family for a lot of things, and you know, they supported me and they helped me buy my first car.
Through years of abuse, she had been taught that love was conditional and that it was her responsibility to make her parents happy with her. That pattern of thinking stayed with her even after the abuse ended.
So when a memory would come up, or when I'd be in college and that definitely wasn't happy to me and anymore, and I would think of something, I'm like, well, like, you know, now, they're nice to me. Now, my dad treats me like his best friend. And all those great moments in my mind at that time outshadowed some stuff in the past, because hey, that's done, that's over, and
look at how nice he is to me now. And again, I would talk to my dad or my mom like every other day, and never at a time where we'd be talking would I be thinking about that, because I was so focused on how good it was to have a supporting dad or loving dad. It was definitely everything that I was craving growing up, and I feel like I was trying to take full advantage of that as an adult.
But as hard as she tried to keep it out of her mind, those memories sometimes came back up.
There would be time all throughout my life where I would remember, like, oh, yeah, I remember that terrible stuff you seda happen to you. I even remember this was probably twenty fourteen, living in a different city, and my friend and I were drinking, you know, just young twenties, getting ready for a night on the town, and I don't know what triggered it, but all of a sudden,
I just started crying. And I've never told anyone up to that point, and I told her what had happened to me, and she gave me the biggest hug and we kind of just talked about it.
But back then Tiler wasn't ready to confront the reality of what her father had done to her.
And the next day she was like, I remember what you told me. If you ever needed to talk to me, let me know. And I just kind of was embarrassed that I even brought it up. I didn't want anyone to look at me as a victim or think of me like as gross you know, for that happened to me as like damaged even my friends.
Taylor felt like if she came forward it would destroy her family.
And I would quickly be like, well, your family's all that you have. Do you want to blow up your whole life? And I turned out okay, so it really must have not done that bad. And if I'm going to bring it up, then I'm just being a drama queen. Or maybe people aren't even going to believe me, so why would I even bring it up. So that's kind of how I would talk myself out of it and kind of push those memories back down.
By twenty seventeen, when she saw other survivors coming forward and being believed, something shifted for Taylor. She couldn't keep the memories at bay anymore.
I would cry on my way to work sometimes out of the blue, because I started having those memories that were just unavoidable, and I couldn't really push them back like I had been doing all those years.
With the help of her therapist, she integrated those experiences into the story of her life, but she still wasn't ready to confront her parents. And then my husband and I were trying to have our first child, and.
The minute I found out I was pregnant, I just wanted to keep this thing safe. I was getting very protective over my future baby and really was having a hard time and had to talk to my therapist about do I wanted to have a relationship with my dad knowing what happened to me. Finally, my therapist suggested, well, have you ever talked to your mom or told your mom about this? And that really opened the door to I need to bring light to this or I don't know what's going to happen next.
It was the last thing she wanted to do, but now that she had a baby on the way, she knew she couldn't interact with her parents without addressing her dad's abuse. She hadn't told anyone except her college friend and now her therapist. If she was going to confront her parents, he needed to tell her husband first.
My husband and I were driving a car and I was still not mentally in a great place that I said, Okay, do you want to know why I am in therapy? And I said there was a family member that abused me sexually abused me growing up. And then I was able to tell him that it was my dad, and he instantly wanted to drive two hours to go see him and confront him. He was supportive a thousand percent of the way. He is a fierce protector. He would do anything for me.
But she wanted to do this on her own. He respected that and supported her as she made a plan. But in the meantime she distanced herself.
I definitely became a little bit more distant to them, you know, blamed like, oh, work is really busy, card a lot going on. All my anger was directed at my dad, not my mom.
She knew her mom would be on her side. She was her best friend. One time, when Taylor was young, her mom even asked her if something was wrong.
I remember I was five or six years old, and she asked me if my dad ever touched me. And I remember saying to her just because I was so scared that I said no and just kind of let it go.
But now, as an adult, she was ready to answer that question. Honestly. A few months into Taylor's pregnancy, her mom invited her on a shopping trip. Taylor decided, this was the time.
I took my mom to just a little cafe and I said, I have something to tell you. It's really hard for me growing up. Dad sexually abused me. I'm now pregnant and I'm terrified that something's going to happen to this kid, and I just need you to know. And she immediately started crying, and I started crying, and she said, you know, I really there was this one time that he was holding you weird that I really thought maybe, but you told me it wasn't happening. Why
didn't you ever tell me? Like? She just kept like crying and asking me that, and I just kept telling your dad told me not to like he said, I would get in trouble if I told you. She was just super upset, gave me all the hugs, told me how sorry she was that that happened. And I went home to where I lived at the time, and she went home with the plan to confront my dad.
It was a huge relief, but she knew that confrontation would change her parents' relationship forever.
I was in hopes that she was going to leave him. I offered her replace to live with us. We would help so or her financially.
Taylor didn't hear anything from her parents for a few days. The whole time she was Bracing for her dad's reaction, she and her husband prepared for her mom to move in, but Taylor was surprised when a few days later she received a call from her dad.
My dad then called me and asked me to meet him at a halfway point in like a Walmart parking lot. He said he wanted to talk and apologize. So it wasn't even like an angry call. It was a we need to talk. I'm just so sorry. Can we please meet somewhere? Will you ever forgive me?
Taylor was hopeful that her dad would apologize, acknowledge the impact of what he'd done, and get help.
I thought maybe this could turn around into a story that had some sort of reconciliation or some sort of alternate ending. So I wanted to be a little bit open there because I did love him.
With that in mind, she agreed to meet him.
So we meet at the Walmart parking lot.
For her own protection, she decided to document the conversation. I actually started recording with.
My phone, and he just starts going off on how sorry he is and he doesn't get those thoughts anymore, and how good I turned out, and could I ever forgive him? I didn't have an answer for him. If I could forgive him, I said, I don't know, and he goes, do you still love me? I said yes, because that's my dad.
They sat in her car for an hour crying. His apology felt genuine. It was the first time he ever acknowledged what he'd done.
Once they parted ways, I immediately called my mom and said, hey, I just met up with dad. He said he was so sorry, Like, how did your conversation go? And this is when she told me that he denied it, denied everything, said I was crazy, said I was making it up for attention, and she didn't know what to believe anymore. And I said, mom, I have a recording of him apologizing, and she goes, hold on, your father's calling me and so hangs up, calls me back. Yeah, he just said,
you admitted that you were lying. The minute I got home, I sent her all the recording. It was like an hour long, and he never once in the recording said I'm sorry for sexually abusing you as a child. But he said, I am sorry. Can you forgive me? I don't get these thoughts, And she said, well, he could have been apologizing that anything. She just flipped the switch completely to not believing me.
After confiding in her mom about the abuse she experienced as a child, Taylor's dad reached out. He said he wanted to apologize, so she met him in person. To her surprise, he took accountability and was apologetic. She recorded the conversation on her phone, but when Taylor sent that audio to her mom.
She thought I manipulated the recording. She just flipped the switch completely to not believing me. This began a painful back and forth. Taylor was desperate to prove the truth to her mom. I had multiple phone calls at lunch break at work trying to convince her that yes, this happened to me, sharing very specific instances or phrases that he would use, like how do you not believe me?
This went on for months Throughout my whole pregnancy. My mom was going back and forth with believing me or not, which was extremely stressful for me because I wanted her in my life. I wanted her to be my son's grandma.
As she got closer to her due date, she tried to have one final conversation with her parents together.
Probably halfway through my pregnancy. I did show up at their house and they were both home. She stepped out of the room and she's like, I need a minute.
As soon as her mom left the room.
My dad was acting so weird and definitely scared. He went from remorseful to angry and said, I don't understand. You turned out great. This wasn't a problem when we bought you clothes, this wasn't a problem when we bought you a car. And I freak out and start crying and going. So that was supposed to make it okay. My mom turns the corner, she goes, what's going on. I'm like, he's just justifying it with all of these reasons, and I left and at that point I quit trying.
That was the moment she decided to cut her dad off.
I have not talked to him looked at him since that moment when I fully understood that he does not love me the way that he says he did.
Distress took a toll on her health and her pregnancy.
I was thirty seven weeks and my ob was like, hey, you don't really have a lot of fluid. You might want to go to the hospital because they might want to deliver the baby early. And this is my first kid, and I was like, what My first instinct was to go to my work and get my laptop for some reason, and I just started like crying on the stairs at work, and people at work were so nice, and I was like, I'm not ready to be a mom, and they're like, You're going to be great.
She called her husband too, met her at the hospital. They didn't even have their hospital backpacked. A few hours later, their son was born.
Was born perfect, with blonde, curly hair and just adorable and so loved. I had friends visit me in the hospital, my in laws.
Her mom showed up too, but she was distant.
The minute the baby was born, she gave my son a kiss on the forehead and said that she was leaving just extremely weird.
Taylor and her mom barely spoke for months. That was until Taylor's grandma passed away.
I went to my grandmother's house to pick up some things and help them move some stuff around. My mom was bringing up like happy memories and trying to talk to me about the baby and just trying to pretend like everything was normal. That's when I had the conversation with my mom, like stop skirting around this. I gave her the ultimatum. I said, you either believe me and stand by me and you are in this child's life, or I can not have a relationship with you anymore.
She just finally straight up. Her reaction was I don't believe you, and I go okay, and I locked and that was the last time we've ever spoke, which was probably the hardest thing, hardest conversation her and I ever had.
For Taylor, this was the ultimate betrayal.
I truly believed after we talked in that cafe that she believed me.
It was also an incredible loss.
It was very devastating to think of a world where I just don't have a mom.
But Taylor had to protect her child, even if that meant cutting off her mom.
And I feel so sorry for her because to this day, she's financially, emotionally, she's just everything is under the rule of my dad. She has always been so controlled by my father, could never have her own opinion. I never saw her hang out with friends unless they were wives of my dad's friends. While my dad was hanging out with his friends. I truly think that there were times where I was her only friend, and I definitely missed that friendship, but I also have to do what's right
for my family. Sorry, that wouldn't hit me kind of hard. It's funny I'm angry about my mom, but I'm just I'm like mourning the loss of my mom and she's not even dead. And I get so upset still when I see my friends and their moms are so involved with their kids. It's just not fair.
For a while, this was something Taylor handled privately, but over time, Taylor felt more empowered to share what happened to her.
One day, I was on Facebook and there was just a post and it was kind of like a meme style where it said reason number like three hundred and blah blah blah why abuse victims don't come forward? And all I did was hit share. I didn't say like, yep, this happened to me. It was just like resharing a post. Within seconds, I get a Facebook message and it is from my older cousin. He's about ten years older than me. He goes, hey, what's this about.
It was a cousin she would see once or twice a year at family events. We'll call him Henry. She kept it big, told him it was something she was working through.
And he responds with, is this about your dad? I got like a chill down my back and I responded with yes, with like a bunch of dots, and he immediately replied with I know this because it happened to me too. It was like eleven o'clock at night. I'm in my bedroom. I just start crying, and he proceeds to tell me that when he was young, around five years old, my dad sexually abused him, and the exact same things that he used to say to me. He
said to my cousin, Henry of helping him out. My cousin said he'd never told anyone because he was so afraid. We started talking like every other day on the phone and just sharing experiences and like support for one another.
It was the first time she felt seen as.
Unfortunate as it was that it happened to both of us. I felt like I had someone who fully understood what I went through, believed me, and was equally as angry as I was in the sense of how much innocence that this person stole and that I just wasn't alone. My cousin Henry told his kids, who are in their twenties, and before he could even say what family member did
something to him. His daughter asked if it was Uncle Taylor, because I apparently at a family event he had groped her and told her not to tell me a one and so this clearly is in an instance where it was a one off with one kid or another kid, there could be multiple victims out there.
Even though Taylor wasn't speaking to her mom, Henry took it upon himself to message her.
He Facebook messaged her probably a little over a year ago, saying, when we were living in the Midwest, it was happening to me my uncle Taylor. I thought it stopped once we moved away and he wouldn't do it to any other kid. But Taylor Lynne is not lying, and I know this goes beyond just us. Never read it, never responded to him. So there's definitely been attempts, even after that moment to try to snap her out of it, and nothing has worked, and I don't think anything will work.
Henry and Taylor took their information to authorities.
He contacted the state where he lives because the groping of his daughter happened in that state, and unfortunately they haven't really paid much attention.
So at first, she was told the abuse she suffered would be classified as second degree criminal sexual misconduct and in her state there's a statute of limitations for that.
And it's extremely frustrating, but I'm choosing to accept that.
Taylor and her cousin decided to do something together to symbolize what they went through.
I got Medusa tattoos recently, so Medusa. The lore is she was seduced by Poseidon and raped by Poseidon in Athena's temple, and Athena didn't believe her and chose to make her a monster. And that definitely spoke to both of us of just fear of not being believed and where both in each other's corner, still being there for each other when there are some dark days, or just reassurance that it wasn't our fault.
Just recently, the district attorney has decided to re examine the case. They are reclassifying her abuse as first degree criminal's sexual misconduct and there are no statute of limitations. Taylor and Henry hope they might see justice. In the meantime, She's focused on moving forward and raising her kids in a safe, happy environment.
I have a career, then I chasing. I don't have time, nor like the desire at this moment to potentially chase down a case that has anyone said that they don't believe me when I know the truth. I also have three beautiful voys that need all my attention, all of my love. Right now. I have the best kids in the world. They are fun, they're smart, they're goofy, and I know I'm their mom, so I have to say all of those things.
She's sad that her mom doesn't get to see her boys grow up.
I feel sorry for her in the sense that she's never going to know them and know how amazing they are. Last week, I got a message from my oldest son's teacher. He's in first grade. It was interesting fact day and my son all he knows about my parents is that they are I just say, you know, they're not very good people, and so that's why they're not in our lives.
And I haven't elaborated. And my oldest son told his entire class that my parents are bank robbers and they stole money from a bank and that's why he doesn't know them. So I think it's kind of hilarious. The little kids' minds just are so imaginative, so one day I'll be able to tell them the real reason, but for now, they just know that the people who are in their lives are people who generally love them and will protect them. And I refuse to have it any other way.
Throughout this whole experience, She's had the support of her husband.
I know I have such a great life partner. He stood by me this entire time, and his family has stood by me the entire time, and that just has meant the whole world to me. And he's such a good dad. He is so fully involved, and we are building this little family from scratch and starting this new life I see.
We end every weekly episode with the same question, why do you want to share your story?
The first reason is I think this is a part of my healing journey first and foremost, and provide myself some additional closure. A second reason is when I found out that my cousin Henry had this had happened to him, there was this sense of I'm not alone, and if I can give someone else this sense of them not feeling alone, then I want to be able to do that, and that's why I'd chosen to say something.
On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.
So we sat down and he was like, he doesn't believe in NBA, so he's not going to ask for one of them. And I was just like, what the hell is going on here? Like what is happening? And it was like, Oh, do you know what? I think? I need to tell you a little bit about my family history.
Before we end the episode. I have some exciting news Betrayal. We'll be doing our first ever live show as part of the Virgin Voyage's True Crime Cruise. We'll be answering listener questions and discussing them live on stage with Stacey and Tyler from Betrayal season three, as well as Caroline
from season four. So if you have a question for us, please email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com with the subject line listener question and if you want to join us on the Caribbean cruise, there are still spots available search Virgin Voyages dot com slash true crime. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com, or follow us on Instagram at Betrayal pod.
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thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by Me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, also produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Caitlin Golden, Olivia Hewitt, and Kristin Melcurie. Casting support from Curry Richmond. Our iHeart
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