Sydney | Betrayal Weekly

How in the world could someone stoop that low and go to that extreme? Were you too cowardly? Just tell me the truth.

I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. A little while ago, a woman wrote into our show to share a story of betrayal. We're gonna call her Katie. She attached a voice memo to her email. Here's that voice memo.

This is the story of a woman who couldn't give up on love.

My mom has not been the luckiest in love. This is a story about my mom. After hearing this, we got on the phone with Katie and her mom, who were going to call Sydney. This is her story. Sydney grew up in the Midwest with her parents and brothers. From a young age, her dad introduced the kids to a life of adventure.

He was a private pilot, and I would go out to the airport with him and we would fly all over.

Sydney, her brothers, and her mom would pack into her dad's tiny airplane and hold on tight as it lifted off into the sky. Sydney loved flying.

It felt like you were far above everything. You were in the sky with all the clouds, and my father was in complete control, and so the trust I had was just beyond belief that I love looking down at the earth and all the glory that's down there, and you're just amazed.

They were a work hard, play hard kind of family. After school and on weekends, Sydney worked at her family's restaurant.

At fifty cents an hour.

They served hamburgers and fries. The restaurant was painted white, with barstools lined up in a neat row.

You had an awning where people pulled up in their cars and then some would go out and take their order. They would fix it, and then you'd go out and put a tray on their car.

It was a picturesque childhood, but after graduating high school, Sydney's young adult life was marked by a lot of hardship. She married young and got pregnant with her first son, but her entrance into motherhood was immensely challenging. Her son was born with a terminal illness.

I lost my son when he was two, and then I had gotten pregnant again and lost a stillborn.

Sydney dealt with waves of overlapping grief after losing her children, it was an incredibly difficult time. In the years that followed, her marriage ended as well. When she was ready, Sydney had other relationships. She remarried and gave birth to her daughter, Katie, but that marriage also ended in divorce. After dealing with

I was very busy because I was traveling a lot. I had great friends. We would always do things together. Friendship, to me is extremely important and I value it very highly.

She also spent as much time as she could with her daughter, Katie.

I have the most amazing daughter. We're very very close.

Katie's an adult now with a daughter of her own.

My daughter and my granddaughter are my whole life. I have the most amazing granddaughter. She's absolutely adorable and just as sweet as can be.

When Sydney retired, she began traveling more often to visit her daughter and granddaughter. One day, she was boarding a flight to visit them, she found her seat and got comfortable.

I tend to read when I'm on a flight, and I started to take out a book.

That's when the man sitting next to her struck up a conversation. He asked she was reading.

He started talking to me, and I was immediately intrigued by his mannerism and his kindness.

His name was Dan. As the flight went on, the two kept chatting.

He spoke so sweetly, and our conversation was lighthearted and humorous.

Before long, Sidney forgot about her book altogether.

We talked about just a little bit of everything, and he just seemed so kind and so forthcoming. And as we got closer to landing, he asked if I would mind if I gave him my phone number, because he would like to stay in touch with me.

Sydney gave him her number. She wasn't sure if she'd ever hear from him again, maybe this was just a one time, serendipitous connection.

But then he contacted me as soon as I got back home, and we talked several times on the phone. We would have these hour two hour long conversations that just flowed so easily.

Dan shared that he was also divorced.

He said that his wife had left him eighteen months prior. Then it got into more serious discussions about he had lost a grandchild and was going through that grieving process. I shared that I also had some tragedy in my life than that. Years ago, I had lost a child myself.

The death of her children was not something she told many people about, but she felt safe opening up to Dan.

I shared it because I wanted him to know that I understood exactly how he felt. I wasn't just saying that I understood, was coming from the deepest part of my soul, in my heart, that I do understand, and you can trust me with that.

Dan held everything she shared with care. The parallels in their grief brought them closer together.

All of a sudden, we felt this bond. We're sharing things that are the utmost deepest issues in our lives, and we're becoming very close within a very short period of time.

When they met on the plane, Sydney was preparing to move closer to her daughter and granddaughter. It turned out Dan lived in the area too, so once Sydney got settled into her new place, Dan called he wanted to come see her.

He came to the condo that I was renting, and I remember opening the door, and the look on his face was like, Oh wow, Wow, I can't believe I'm actually standing in front of him. We're just not talking on the phone anymore. This is real.

She welcomed him in the chemistry they had on the plane, came rushing back.

We just talked and talked and talked, and then we went out to grab something to eat, and then he came back the next morning, and the same thing happened.

The next two days were like an extended first date.

He'd come over in the morning and we would spend the entire day together. We did a lot of outings together and dinners together and walking in the park, and then he would leave that evening.

And after their marathon date wrapped up, they immediately started planning the next one.

We started seeing each other more and more and more.

They were eager to learn everything they could about each other. Soon they knew the details, big and small, of each other lives.

He was an engineer, He was outgoing, He loved to laugh, he joked a lot. He was very gentle, very engaging, would listen, I mean intently to everything I said and took it to heart and made me feel very, very wanted.

Dan took Sydney completely by surprise. She had given up on finding a connection like this.

I have to say that was a new feeling for me.

It felt like life was giving her one more shot at love, one more shot at being truly happy with someone. But there were still challenges in their relationship. Dan was really struggling with the grief of losing his grandchild and decided to see a counselor for support.

He was telling the count the hard time he was having getting past this event, and then he mentioned, however, I met someone and I'm really excited and I'd like to see where this goes. And the counselor said, well, wait a minute, you're in the middle of a grieving process. I don't think this is the best time for you to get involved with a new relationship. I believe you need to work through the steps of grieving before you decide to move on. So let's do that first and just put it on pause.

It struck Sidney as an overstep from the counselor, but she knew that Dan was deeply affected by his grandchild's death. Maybe it was weighing on him more than she knew, so she was understanding.

I told him, the most important thing is for you to feel better and to get through this very difficult time in your life. So I will step aside.

So Dan and Sydney decided to take a break.

It was difficult. I missed him. We didn't talk at all.

Sydney tried going on a first date with someone new, but it wasn't the same as it was with Dan. After a few weeks, Dan called her out of.

The blue and he said, I desperately need to talk to you. And I said, are you sure about that? I thought we weren't supposed to see each other, and he said, it's about that. I can't do it. I miss you too much. I don't care what the counselor says. I'm ready. I want to start seeing you again.

The two picked up right where they left off.

It was totally blissful. We just had the best time. It was just laughter and fun and we got along so beautifully and never ever once had a disagreement or an argument or anything. It was just wonderful.

The weeks turned two months, their relationship became deeper, more stable, and more committed.

We were sitting in a restaurant over dinner and he just looked at me and said, I want to be together forever. I just believe that we were meant to be together. I had fallen very hard for him, and I remember being extremely happy.

Sydney introduced Dan to her daughter, Katie.

My daughter really liked him as well, and I remember I had to go into the hospital for some surgery and he came to the hospital and he sat with my daughter and they spent the time together waiting for me in the waiting room. They just really hit it off and she really liked him.

As Sydney recovered from surgery, Dan was facing some health challenges of his own. He had high cholesterol and saw a cardiologist regularly. One day, he opened up to Sydney about his doctor's concerns.

The doctor had found an irregular beat in his heart, but they didn't think it was anything drastic, and they said that he had had a little bit more plaque around his heart, but they would raise his medication and he should be fine.

Dan didn't seem worried, so Sydney tried not to worry too much either. A week later, Dan made plans to visit his brothers.

They were going to get together to discuss his mother's will before she passed away, so they wouldn't have to worry about anything.

Dan would drive a few hours away to meet up with them and stay for the weekend. Before he headed out, he met Sydney for a lunch date.

I wished him a great trip, and he said, I will call you every day day let you know everything goes.

A few hours later, Sydney's phone rang.

It was Dan. He had stopped for gas and he already missed me, and then he called me when he got down there.

It was sweet to see how much Dan missed her. After only a few hours, Sydney went about her day as usual. At this point, Sydney and Dan had been talking every day for five months. He always texted or called her to sa good night, but on this night she didn't hear from him.

I tried texting, he didn't answer. I tried calling, he didn't answer.

Sydney went to sleep, feeling anxious. When she woke up the next morning, Dan still hadn't reached out. She checked her phone all morning and afternoon, but still nothing.

The last time I talked to him, he said he had a d safely and I thought, this is so strange. Why would he not contact me, and then I started worrying what happened. Something must have happened. Did he have an automobile accident? And you start making up stories?

The whole weekend passed without any word from Dan. She started to wonder was this his way of breaking up with her.

I've heard of people ending relationships kind of like that all of a sudden, but not him. I trusted him way too much.

The silence went on for a week and a half. She didn't have any way of contacting his family. She just hoped that if something had happened to Dan, they would find a way to reach her.

I was going out of my mind not knowing what happened.

One afternoon, Sydney was getting ready to spend time with her daughter when she heard her phone buzz. Her heart leapt, hoping it might be Dan. Instead, it was a text from a number she didn't recognize. She started reading It was Dan's brother. She'd never met him before, but he was writing with bad news.

He said that he was so sorry to have to tell me this, but Dan had a heart attack and he passed away.

Sidney's boyfriend, Dan was on a trip with his brothers when he suddenly stopped texting and called her back. Sydney didn't hear from him for days and was beginning to panic. Then she got a text from his.

Brother saying that he was so sorry to have to tell me this, but Dan had a heart attack and he passed away.

Dan's brother explained that it happened suddenly one night on their trip, when Dan was heading to bed. He said good night to his brother's and went upstairs.

And that was the last that he heard until he heard a big crash upstairs where he fell, and when he ran upstairs, he called nine one one, tried to revive his brother and couldn't revive him, and by the time they got to the hospital he passed on the way.

He said that in the first few days following Dan's death, he hadn't been able to find Dan's phone. Without it, he didn't have Sydney's number, so we had no way to contact her. He felt horrible that it had taken so long to reach her.

His brother said, I know how hard this has to be on you. Between my mother and his kids, everybody is just devastated. I'm sorry that we couldn't reach out to you as soon as it happened, but like I said, we couldn't find his phone.

That's where his message ended. Sydney broke down.

I was a mess. I was crying. I was out of my mind.

Then her daughter Katie showed up at her house. They were supposed to spend the afternoon together.

She walked in and I just screamed. I told her what happened, and she dropped everything and just came to me and tried to comfort me the best she could. But she was upset too, because she really liked him.

A heart attack. Sydney remembered Dan's cardiologist concerns, but she had no idea things were this serious.

I was just devastated, absolutely devastated.

The next few days were dark, especially when Sydney found out the family had already held a ceremony and buried Dan. In the family plot, Kitty also reached out to Dan's brother, and he did his best to be there for her and Sydney as he dealt with his own grief.

His brother responded to my daughter saying, I'm so sorry this has happened, and I know how much he loved your mother, and he told me knew how much he loved me, and he spoke about me all the time.

Hearing Dan's brother talk about him in past tense made the reality sink in. Dan wasn't coming back.

I didn't know what to do. I was just I was frantic.

When Dan had been by her side, the world felt bright and full of possibility. Now everything felt heavy. She missed Dan's laugh, their long conversations, their shared hikes. Most of all, she just missed him.

It was horrible. I'm not a person that gets depressed. I've never been depressed in my life, but I felt like I was going to get to that point.

She turned over the details again and again.

Things didn't add up in my brain. I kept thinking, how could this have happened? It doesn't make sense.

But as time went on, she had to find acceptance.

He's gone. It is what it is. I can't change it.

For the first month after Dan's death, it was hard for Sidney to get out of bed. One day, one of Sydney's close friends, Peter, reached out to her. His whole family was going on a tropical vacation and he wanted her to come with them.

He said, you need to get out of here, and maybe getting away would help mend my broken heart a little bit.

Sidney decided to go on the trip. While the rest of the group went on excursions, Sydney stayed behind and laid by the pool by herself.

I remember screaming up in the sky, going, God, why did you do this? Please? I have to get past this and what do I do?

It felt good to get some emotion out. That week gave Sydney the space to begin to process Dan's death. Sidney wanted to try and visit Dan's grave on She asked his brother about it, but he gave her a complicated answer.

He gave me this long explanation of it was in some family grave out in the forest, and there was a private gate to go through. It just sounded so strange.

Talking to Dan's family was hard. It often left her with more questions than answers. Eventually she stopped reaching out.

I decided that I would try and go on with my life, even though it was very hard.

Sidney thought that with time life without Dan would get easier. But a whole year went by, and as the seasons passed, Sidney was still struggling to move on. It was hard to find any closure with how suddenly Dan had died. She had never gotten to say goodbye. There was so much left unseat. Her friend Peter told told her about a strategy that helped him get through hard times in his own life.

When things really get hard or you're facing something really difficult, throw it out to the universe, and the universe will somehow take care of you. And I always thought, yeah, write whatever.

Sydney was skeptical, but Peter wasn't kidding. He suggested she write everything she wished she could say to Dan in a letter to him. It might help her process her feelings and maybe get some small sense of closure.

I was having such a hard time getting past everything, so I thought, you know what, what would it hurt? What would it hurt to do this? And I thought, but how do I do it? And then I realized I still had his email address, So I thought, okay, I'm going to try this.

So she grabbed her laptop and got set up at her kitchen counter, and then she began to write.

Dan, I really still love you and I miss you. I know you are gone, but I just want you to know I love you, I will always love you, I will never forget you. My heart is broken, it will always be broken. Wherever you are in the universe. I hope you are well taken care of. I just hope that your soul is happy, and just know that your heart will be with mine forever. After I composed it, it took me a minute to hit send, and I thought, is this really ridiculous? And I thought, no, I'm going

She felt a sense of lightness, a closure she had been chasing for almost a year and a half. A few days later, Sydney was getting ready to go over to Katie's.

House and I thought, oh, I'm going to check my emails before I go, and all of a sudden, I see a response from Dan's email.

Sydney did a double take.

I'm like, wait a minute, I can't be reading this right, must be from his brother. So I opened it and I began reading and it was just complete sheer shock of horror. The very first line of this email said, Darling Sydney, I have sinned against God, and you please forgive me. I am not dead.

To help process her partner Dan's death, Sydney decided to put everything she wished she could tell him in an email as a final goodbye. She'd been dealing with thiss grief for almost a year and a half and was ready to move on. She wrote her message and hit send. She finally felt a sense of closure, But then a few days later, she was checking her email when she saw something impossible.

Dan had responded, I'm like, wait a minute, I can't be reading this right, must be from his brother. So I opened it and I began reading and it was just complete sheer shock of horror. The very first line of this email said, Darling Sydney, I have sinned against God, and you please forgive me. I am not dead. And I just sat there and went, this is a joke. This is literally a joke from somebody.

But as she kept reading, it became horrifyingly clear he was very much alive, and he was writing with an explanation.

It continued to say, I never got divorced. I am still married. I knew that you would never see me if you knew I was married.

Not only had Dan's death been a lie, their life together had been a lie too. He had been married the entire time he was with Sydney.

And the time that we spent together, his wife was back in the Midwest taking care of a mother that was very, very ill.

He'd been living a double life and he couldn't keep up both. So, according to Dan's email, his brothers stepped in to suggest a plan to end his relationship with Sydney.

None of the family wanted him to get divorced, and they said, well, we will come up with a plan. And the plan was to fake his death.

Sydney stared at the email and shock. She couldn't comprehend the words fake and death together. She thought she might get sick.

He said, I know you didn't deserve it, but that was the only way we knew how to end it with me.

Sidney drove to her daughter's house in a daze.

She looked at me and said, Mom, are you okay? And I said, you need to follow me in your bedroom because I have something to tell you. And I told her and she just couldn't believe it.

Under the heartbreak and confusion, there was rage. Sidney felt deeply manipulated.

There's no words to express how horrible and deceived I felt. How in the world could someone stoop that low and go to that extreme. How could anyone treat anyone like that?

And this it wasn't just anyone. This was Dan, the man who made her believe in love again, the man that just days ago she would have done anything to hear from again. Her head was spinning. During the year of her life she had spent grieving Dan's death and struggling to get out of bed, Sydney had to remind herself that there was nothing she could have done to prevent him from dying. But now she found out this

Death is horrible. It's the worst thing that can happen to a loved one. It sent me into despair and loneliness and unbelievable grief.

The whole thing was horrific, But it was also ludicrous. It was so absurd that she found herself torn between crying and laughing.

Now of a sudden, I find out he's risen from the dead. I mean, he couldn't just break up with me. He had to derive this plan that broke my heart into pieces.

She sat with everything for a few days, letting the reality of the situation catch up with her.

I just couldn't believe it. I was horrified, I was upset, I was angry, and I just cried.

She thought of Dan's wife and she felt horrible. She knew this must be painful for her too. Sydney kept rereading Dan's confession, not sure what to do next.

Do I respond? What do I do?

For three nights, Sydney lay in bed, unable to sleep.

And finally I decided to reply.

I began drapting her email, and everything she had been feeling came pouring out of her.

Were you too cowardly just to tell me the truth? You could have just told me the truth and that wouldn't have hurt nearest bad. Do we even have the slightest idea of what your charade did to me and my daughter? Did you lie about everything you ever told me? I pray that you did not lie about losing your grandson. I wish I could say that I never met you,

In the months that followed, Sidney was plunged into a new type of grief. She no longer had to face Dan's death. She was now faced with the reality of Dan's life and how he'd chosen to spend it.

It took me a very, very long time to get past the anger and the hurt. I had so many unanswered questions. I was still extremely hurt and tormented by what Dan had revealed and what he had done to me. So I decided one last time to reach out to Dan.

She wrote him another email, asking for a full explanation of what he'd done.

I was writing it for myself because I was still angry with myself for believing everything he told me and not analyzing it any better than I did.

A few days later, Dan responded, and in his email, he revealed that his lies extended far beyond his death and his marriage.

He explained that he wasn't who I thought he was. His real last name was different, he lived somewhere else other than where he told me. He lived, his kid's names weren't what they told me they were. Everything he told me was a lie, except for the fact of how he felt. He was begging me to meet him so he could finally tell me the whole story and tell me the truth about everything he did and why he did it.

Sydney agreed to meet him. A few days later, he knocked on her door, and when she saw Dan in person, she was overwhelmed. For over a year, she wanted nothing more than for him to miraculously reappear, to talk to him one more time.

All the grieving, and here he is. He's back.

He said he was going to come clean and show her everything.

He gave me a copy of his driver's license, copy of his passport to see what his real name was, who his kids really were.

Then Dan pulled out a stack of business cards.

He had a fake company, fake business cards, a fake name, fake email address, fake phone number. He traveled quite a bit, and he would give those out to women that he met.

Their airplane meet. Cute had always felt so one of a kind. Now she saw it as part of Dan's pattern. He had lied to so many women, But Dan insisted with Sydney it was different when they met, it was clear to him that what they shared was real. He knew he shouldn't have let their relationship get as serious as it did, but he couldn't help himself.

He had fallen in love with me and didn't know how to get out of it. He couldn't apologize enough and professed his love and asked if I would consider taking him back After all.

That, Dan admitted that he'd been a coward. He knew what he did was wrong. He had wanted to be with Sydney all along. He just couldn't find a way out of his marriage and his life, but now he was ready to risk everything to chase what he really wanted her.

Then he takes out a divorce decree and it shows that he just filed for divorce. Filing for divorce was his way to prove to me that it was truly over this time. And started crying while he's telling me how much he loved me and so sorry for deceiving me and hurting me, and he just wasn't strong enough to confront what he needed to do.

Dan laid everything out in front of her. He knew his honesty would cost him, but it was worth it. To him if Sydney would consider giving him a second chance.

I didn't know what to do. There were so many questions, but I still I loved him. I mean I never stopped loving him.

It felt like a miracle that Dan was sitting in front of her at all. The thing she had mourned for the last year was now possible, a future with Dan, and now he wanted to start a new life with her.

I wanted what we had again because I'd never had that before. I'd made so many mistakes in my lifetime with relationships, nothing ever worked out, and I thought, finally, finally it was going to be what I wanted.

Dan left her house and Sydney was left to grapple with the strange situation she found herself in. A few weeks later.

He showed up at my door with all his belongings and everything and said, the divorces going forward, and she's moved on. I've moved out of the house. Can I stay with you? And can we try this again? And low enfold I took him back right away.

That effortless joy Sidney always felt with Dan came flooding back.

It was like a story. But we couldn't spend enough time together. We started traveling together. We had hiked the Grand Canyon. It was amazing.

Despite everything Dan had done, Sydney felt like they were on the other side. They had rebuilt the trust through dozens of hard and honest conversations. As unusual as their love story was. To Sydney, the relationship was stronger than ever.

We were living together. He was going through his divorce. I knew when he was going to court. He didn't hide anything from me. We were finally open and honest and happy.

In September, Dan and Sydney went on a trip to Dunali National Park in Alaska to go hiking. It was just a few weeks before Dan's divorce was set to be finalized, and they were looking forward to leaving that painful chapter of their relationship behind them.

And three days before his divorce was due to be final he came home from work and said he had just seen as lawyer and that he had canceled the divorce.

They had just sat down for dinner together. Sydney stopped eating and stared at Dan, stunned.

What do you mean you canceled the divorce? And he said, well, she was going to take seventy five percent of his wealth. He proceeded to tell me, my money is too important. I can't lose everything I've worked for. So he informed me that he canceled the divorce and he was moving back home.

Dan sat calmly at the dinner table, but to Sydney it felt like the room was spinning.

And I just sat there and I looked at him, and I just remember saying, you're doing this to me again. I screamed, and I said get out, and he said, well, I'll make sure i'm out in the morning. I said, no, you won't. You will make sure you are out now. I never ever want to see you hear from you repeat your name again.

Dan stood up and began collecting his things.

And he stopped and said, this isn't what I want. And I remember just laughing in his face, going, I don't care what you want. This is what I want, and you are leaving now.

Dan walked out the door, and Sydney closed it behind him. She would never open the door to him again.

I've spent the past four years getting past what happened. I dated, I had relationships, nothing ever worked out.

But as her daughter said in her voice, memo to us. This is a story about a woman who couldn't give up on love.

Remember my friend. I told you about my very very special friend.

Peter, the friend who encouraged Sydney to throw how she was feeling out to the universe.

Well, we're together, We're actually engaged. He's absolutely amazing. I'm very happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. There's a bright light after this horrible story. That's him. So he threw it out to the universe.

Maybe he was right about that strateg.

After all, my life finally turned around. Sometimes you have to go through really bad things to really then appreciate the best. And I have the best right now.

Sydney endured so much pain in her relationship with Dan, but there was something she gained from the experience that Dan can never take away.

I learned how to love and I had never learned that before. In your darkest moments, it's amazing how strong you can become.

We end every weekly episode with the same question, why do you want to share your story?

I was angry at myself for a long time, and I kept thinking, how could I have fallen for this? Not once, but twice? Why did it happen to me, and the only answer I had was that I fell in love with him. I just wanted to believe. I wanted to trust. None of us are stupid. We're all smart people, and we got to quit telling ourselves we're not when things like this happen. All I did was want to love someone.

On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.

I don't know this person. What I had in my mind is not true. He's not the person I thought he was. I have no idea what he was capable of doing.

If you'd like to share your story on Betrayal, please email Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That is Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com. Please note that we are not a mental health organization. If you are in crisis or currently experiencing domestic violence, we encourage you to seek local help or dial nine to one one. Please contact organizations that offer immediate support. In our show notes, we've included