EP 27 - Abby

Hey, it's Andrea Gunning. Our season of weekly stories is coming to an end, but don't worry. We'll be back soon with more episodes. So if you have a story of your own that you'd like to share on the podcast, email us at Betrayal pod at gmail dot com. In the meantime, we want to do something new and exciting. This month, we're taking short creative essays submissions from listeners. The theme is resilience in the face of a devastating betrayal. We want to hear the story of how you healed

If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. I mean, he used his dead mother's name, he used his dead father's name, he used I think his aunt, he used my name, all these people. It was absolutely crazy making.

I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.

Listen, I've always craved drama, and I got it. I got it. That's Abby Ellen.

She's an independent journalist where outlets like The New York Times in Washington Post.

Yeah. I'm in my fifties and I have been a freelance writer since I'm like twenty two.

Storytelling comes naturally to her.

Even as a kid, I was interested in people's story I was interested in gossip. I was interested in people's lives. I just wanted to know how things work. And I also was always interested in getting to the bottom of things.

To say, she's curious as an understatement. When she was in elementary school, Abby was on a children's show called Romper Room. It was popular in the nineteen seventies. On the show, the host would hold up a magic mirror and through it she would pretend to see straight into living rooms across the country. She'd named dozens of children who were watching the show. Kids at home thought she

Out how well they would put the kids in the control room and you could see all of the monitors and you could see what was happening, and I remember pointing to that with the kid next to me. I was like, check it out, like there's no magic, and he was really upset. He was like, I don't want to know that, you know, And I was like, see, I got to the truth.

Fifty years later, she's still that same person.

I hate magic tricks.

I hate going to magic shows. I need to know how they do things.

That dogged curiosity has motivated Abby's work for decades. When she first started her journalism career in New York.

City, I could have gotten a job like in The Devil Worst Prada.

I could have gotten a job as an assistant to an editor.

But I thought, what am I going to learn about writing from picking up some of these dry cleaning Nothing? What am I going to learn about like from faxing their correspondence nothing. I didn't want to do that.

Instead, she got her start writing for women's magazines. It was the nineties when magazines still ruled the media landscape, and Abby had to start at the bottom.

Of the ladder. The women's magazines had you do like quizzes, is he a jerk? Are you a control freak? I mean those kind of things. I didn't give a shit. I mean, I hated that stuff, and I just got terrified that I was going to get stuck doing that.

She wanted something more hard hitting, so she started cold pitch stories to The New York Times, and she finally got a story accepted. It was an expose on simulated military boot camps for civilians.

And I wrote a big story about that. It was a full page of The New York Times. I framed it and I thought, that's that never going to happen again. Well, the editor who I wrote that for called me up one day and he said, we're starting a column. He wanted Abby to write for it.

So for the next five years, she wrote a column about young people and money for the Business section of the New York Times.

She was in her late twenties.

The stars were aligning for her career and she was building a life for herself.

My mother is really a super feminist and has always been profoundly independent and has always been like, what women need is their own money, no matter what, they all need their own money, you know. So she wanted me to always have my own space.

On her mother's advice, Abby bought her first apartment. It was a loft in New York City. She had everything she wanted. Even dating came easily for Abby.

Oh God, men were everywhere, men were everywhere.

In her twenties, her relationships usually ended because he was more into her and she was into him. I, you know, had my boyfriend, then we broke up, and then I had other boyfriends.

And I continued to work, and I continued to travel, and I kind of never really wanted to get married, per se, that wasn't my agenda. Didn't want to be tethered to somebody all the time.

In her thirties, she dated more seriously, but none of the guys were quite right.

One was a guy on me in Peru.

He was a furniture maker and he was great, but that didn't work out. A couple guys in the.

Theater, I mean just different nice. I mean they were fine, they were fine people. But I wanted something that mattered. I wanted something that mattered.

Abby had traveled the world, reported for prestigious publications, and made friends in every corner of the city, but there was one thing she still hadn't experienced.

Again, I didn't care if I got married, but I wanted to be mount in love. She wanted to be madly in love.

By the time she was forty, she started looking for love in new places.

If you've been single little while, you know, sometimes you're just like, oh God, maybe I should go out with somebody who I never thought i'd be with, just because maybe I'd been barking up the wrong tree all this time.

After a string of relationships with struggling artists, she thought she'd try something more traditional. First, she went with the conservative Wall Street type.

Then she thought, I'm Jewish. I was brought up Jewish. I thought, I've always dated non Jewish guys. Maybe I need to be with somebody who's Jewish. Maybe that's what I need.

On a lark, her friend recommended a psychic. Apparently she had great insights on love.

Oh god, Carmela is psyching from younger, that's what she said. I like.

But Carmela saw something in Abby's future, a man.

And she was like, you're going to meet somebody you're gonna move. His first initial is going to be RP, B or D and all when he's gonna wear a uniform. And I said, I don't know anybody in uniform other than the FedEx guy.

And she was like, no, that's not a FedEx guy.

Around the same time, Abby was working on a piece for The Times.

I was working on an article for the New York Times about detox diets and whether or not they had any validity or whether they were just kind of bullshit. And somebody suggested I call this guy who worked in Beverly Hills, California, who was a doctor there.

He had written some articles or studies about detox diets.

This Beverly Hills doctor gave Abby a great quote for her article. We're going to call him Richard.

I quoted him and we had a nice conversation and that was the end of it.

A few months later she had to call Richard again to fact check the article.

And I said, are you still in Beverly Hills And he said, no, I'm in the Navy.

I'm a Navy doc.

Richard had been a Navy seal in his twenties, then left to go to medical school. After decades of private medical practice, he rejoined the Navy to work on special projects.

He was working on opening up a hospital for kids with cancer in Iraq and Afghanistan.

At the time, Abby wanted a new beat. She wanted to report on international relations.

I was looking to do something different to expand my career. I wanted to do international reporting, and even if possible, I wanted to do war correspondence.

Richard was a good source, someone who might have stories and connections she would need.

I said, well, tell me, bet you know, keeping posted on how this goes, this is right up my alley, and he did.

He capped keeping me posted. He kept telling me what was going on.

At first it was regular updates about his job in the Middle East.

And then we began talking more and more.

They started writing to each other every day, and she learned more about Richard's personal life.

Apparently he had been divorced since I met him.

His two kids lived in California, and he was liddy in Jacksonville, and he was going to move to Washington. And I thought, well, isn't that ironic because I was going to move to Washington too to go to grad school.

Abby had just been accepted to an international relations master's program. It was in Washington, d C. Where Richard was headed next. By this point, their conversations veered into flirtations. So when they found out they were both moving to the same.

City, it seemed almost. You know where there's a word in Hebrew beshert, which means meant to be, And I thought, okay, this is meant to be.

Their flirtation expanded into late night phone calls and surprise deliveries.

And he called when he said he would, and he sent flowers. And he wasn't like a suffer bring artists and paint splattered jeans. You know, he was really a good guy. Richard was mature and accomplished. He was a doctor. Maybe this was the guy she'd been waiting for. I was forty two, so I wasn't a kid, and he was fifty eight, so he wasn't a kid.

But it didn't matter because he was nice to me, and he was good to me.

After months of talking, have you emailed him a poem?

So I thought, all right, I can woo. I'm gonna send it to him.

She knew this poem was his favorite.

I'm going to read it. It's very short. This is just to say by William Carlos Williams. I had eaten the plums that were in the ice box in which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet and so cold, and I sent it to him, and he wrought me back three words, I love you. And I thought, all right, it's a little fast, but okay.

She'd only been talking to Richard for a few months, but when she got his reply, she smiled. Richard was scheduled to be in New York the following month. Abby hadn't started school yet and was still in town, so they decided to meet in person for the first time.

He said, I've got to be in New York to give his talk at the eun So I'm going to be wearing my outfit, my navy uniform, and he said, let's go somewhere celebratory.

He made a reservation for them at the Four Seasons restaurant. It's now closed, but in the early two thousands it was one of the most glamorous date spots in New York.

It was a very CNBC kind of place. There was a giant pool in the middle of it. Then it was just very expensive and swanky and ritzy, and it.

Was just kind of the place to be.

On the night of their date, Richard met her in the lobby, wearing his white Navy officer uniform. As he walked towards her, she realized this was the man in uniform, the one the psychic had foreseen. Richard even brought her a gift.

He brings what is called a cover, but it's a navy cap.

You know, it's the hat I brought you one, he said.

They walked into dinner hand in hand, Abby wearing his white navy cap.

And at dinner, he was so funny and he was charming, and he was good to me, and he was charismatic, and.

You know, he kind of wound me. He was wooing me, and I like that. It was after dating all sorts of shit has it was nice to be with somebody who, you know, seemed to be who they said they were.

That was the beginning of Richard's regular visits to New York to take Abby out on romantic dates.

He comes to visit for a weekend or maybe overnight.

I mean, he always reading me with a big kiss, and he'd tell me how beautiful I was.

When he met Abby's friends, he impressed them too.

He cared about people, He cared about the world. He was always picking up tabs, he was always doing things that made people really like him.

Richard had two kids by his first wife, and even though he lived apart from them. He was still a family man.

He was very close to his son, so that that was nice and daughter. He talked to his kid, his son all the time.

And then there was his illustrious military career. He was constantly traveling for work.

He always said that he had certain things that he did that he wouldn't be able to tell me about, and then he would often go off on these sort of secret missions and he couldn't tell me what he was doing, and I was kind of intrigued by that.

Abby was the kid who needed to know how the magic mirror worked, and now with Richard, she wanted to know about his classified military projects.

It drove me mad that I didn't know what he was doing, and a friend of mine said, well, that's obviously a lesson. You need to learn that you can't know everything.

Her intrigue turned to concern when Richard began having horrible nightmares.

He would just have these screaming nightmares, and so he had to sleep with the lights on and the TV on.

When she asked, he brushed it off. All he would say is that he had bad memories, things from the military that he couldn't talk about.

I thought badly, and I thought something must have happened, but I didn't know. I didn't know what it was.

Before long, his career began bumping up against their relationship.

Anytime he broke any plan, which we began to do pretty regularly, it was it's a secret mission. I can't tell you anything more about it. That's it.

Abby nicknamed him the Commander. It was a joke at first, but it stuck because Richard couldn't seem to escape his career.

The commander told me that we were being followed by the Secret Service.

This was jarring for Abby and she demanded a reason why they were being followed. To her surprise, the commander began revealing some details about his career.

He said that he had been a doctor at Guantanamo.

He had been recruited to be the head doctor for prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. This was the mid two thousands, at the height of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The commander explained that there was intense infighting with personnel at Guantanamo. It had to do with classified information that wasn't being delivered up the chain. That's why he was being protected by men in black SUVs.

And he said, when I was at Guantanamo, all these guys are after me. They hate me, and they threatened me and my family. So my loved ones are being followed by the Secret Service.

Abby tried to play it down to act casual, but this was a big disclosure.

And I remember I said to him, well, you know, next time, why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis. It was just like, this is absurd.

She wasn't even sure if she believed his story about the Secret Service. But then one day his son called from California.

And there was a car outside and said, Dad, is that your guys? Why are they outside the house? So I remember, I thought something really must have happened.

Now Abby needed answers. What had really happened at Guantanamo.

I need to know everything.

Eventually Richard confided.

In her and he said that one of his patients was a very high level terrorist. And I said who, and he said Osama bin Laden And I said that's insane, and he said no, it's not. And he began to list all the physical problems that have been Lauden had.

This was two thousand and eight. At the time, the military claim to be actively searching for bin Laden, so him being held at Guantanamo just didn't make sense.

And I said to him, that is a stupid thing to to tell a person.

I said, that's also not possible because the president, it was Bush at the time, that he was never let this happen without getting it out because it was a big deal and you know, it would have helped Republicans, so he would never have been quite about that if he knew where bin Laden was. And he said, no, the President doesn't know. I said, that's impossible. He said, there's a lot of things that they don't know. And I remember thinking, Okay, this is insane, but maybe here's a story here.

Abby's new boyfriend, Richard, made some pretty surprising claims, biggest of all that Asama bin Laden was being held at Guantanamo and that he had treated bin Laden for medical issues. This was the early two thousands and bin Laden was one of the biggest fugitives on the planet, so Richard's story was hard to believe. But Abby knew for a fact that the commander worked in the Navy with a very.

High security clearance.

At that she'd met some of his colleagues, so like a good journalist, she wanted to verify the commander's claim.

I was trying to do my own checkups because I was feeling crazy and I couldn't call up the CIA and say, hey, do you have this guy on your payroll? I mean, you can't do that.

So she started asking around using vage details.

My brother in law said that doesn't make sense because he was in the Navy, and he said he wouldn't tell you about that. I had another friend who said the same thing. They're not supposed to tell you.

She doubted the story, but wasn't prepared to write it off entirely. Even if there was a remote possibility it could be true, it would be the biggest story in the world, and as someone who wanted to be a war reporter, that was undeniably enticing. She hit a dead end trying to fact check the bin laden story, so instead she decided to fact check Richard. She started with one time when he said.

That he had a vault full of medals for operations that didn't really exist. They were unofficial, you know, like homelandy kind of things that you're not supposed to know about. Abby asked her new professors. If this could be true.

I would ask my teachers, you know, is that possible?

They said, yeah, absolutely this.

If that checked out, Richard's other classified projects could exist as well. Abby realized she could in fact check the bin Laden story, and after Richard shared that he never talked about it again. He wanted a relationship separate from work. After all, the rest of his life is pretty tame.

I met his family, I met his son, I met his brother, met his aunt, I met some friends, I met everybody, you know, so it just seems kind of normal.

And he met her family. Abby introduced him to her mom.

He was a Jewish doctor. What's not to like.

As their lives began to merge, Abby was ready to bring up a big topic of her own.

I wanted to adopt, and I had said to him at some point, listen, I'm gonna want a kid.

When she told Richard this.

Basically he was willing to do it. He said, I love you, I'm in love with you. I'll do anything you want. I'm gonna ask you to marry me, So whatever makes you happy makes me happy.

That conversation brought their relationship to a new level. It was like an unspoken marriage proposal.

I'm forty two, he's fifty eight. We're not kids anymore. And we would discuss that.

He said, you know, his father always said when you know your no, and I've heard that before.

So then he began he would visit me in New York and he would come and he would say, ah, I just went to Debiers and I was looking. I was looking at rings there and I thought, okay, great, that's cool. But one day he says to me, you know, Abby, I'm really upset. I can't afford a thirty thousand dollars ring. Forty thousand dollars ring. You know. I said, I don't need a forty thousand dollars ring, which is true. I didn't.

After six months together, Richard officially proposed. She said, yes, it's true. The ring was nothing extravagant, but they both knew they wanted to be to again. And then, keeping with their low key attitude, Abby began planning for a small wedding maybe the next year. They weren't in a rush.

I had never really expected to get married. That wasn't my goal, so it was very odd buying a dress. I decided I would just do something very small, like a dinner or something, just something chill.

They made plans to move in together in Washington, DC.

Eventually we found a place at the Watergate, which you know, was obviously very famous.

The apartment was being paid for by the Navy. But even still, Abby didn't like the Watergate or DC.

It was just sort of bleak and the Watergate was empty, and I didn't find Washington to be an especially hospitable town.

It didn't help that the commander was always traveling for work.

Sometimes go in Afghanistan, sometimes going to Iraq. Sometimes he's doing all these things that I can't.

You didn't I'll tell you when there's a secure line, is what he would say.

And when he came home, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

He's a drag, like falling asleep early. He'll fall asleep at dinner. We're at dinner at like six o'clock and he's at the table like falling asleep.

She chalked it up to him being a bit older and traveling so much for work, but Abby still had her mindset on the future.

Well, I had put don money to adopt by myself, so I was all going to do that.

As time went on.

Richard wasn't so into the idea.

Anytime he talked about adoption, he always would say, you know, I'll do it if that's what you really want to do. But a lot of those kids really have problems. And I thought that was a really callous thing to say. I thought that was awful because I know a lot of kids who were not adopted who had problems.

He was changing. He wasn't the accommodating and doting man she'd met. That guy was rarely around.

And one day I was talking about something about getting married and we didn't even have a date, but he started breaking down. He's like, I'm so overwhelmed. We have to push the wedding back.

Maybe he was stressed out with work, or maybe he was having cold feet. Shortly after this conversation, Abby confided in her mom.

And I told her about the bin laden thing, and she said, something's not.

Right to Abby. She said, that doesn't make sense, I said, and I got mad at her. I said, why isn't it possible that there are things that you don't know that we don't know and we don't know the answer yet. And I got so mad at her. I was like, you're so suspicious.

Abby was defensive in the moment, but her mom's suspicion rubbed off on her.

So then I kind of went back and would ask him questions, you know, more targeted.

And he would get mad at me.

One night, at dinner with Abby's parents, the commander made a big show of complimenting a meal.

We're at a restaurant and he raves about the Brussels sprouts. Right, these are the best Brussels sprouts ever. Okay, my parents, that's nice. They didn't make it, they didn't care.

But as soon as they were alone, he told Abby the exact opposite.

And he said, that's I think the worst meal I've ever eaten.

And I just thought to myself, what I said, Why did you lie? Why did you lie? They didn't care, he said, I wanted it to make them feel good. It just was too discordant. You can't verify the CIA, you can't verify navy seal, you can't do that. But that was something tangible that I could verify, and I just thought, I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't do this. This is insane. If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything that.

Small lie about the Brussels sprouts broke something inside of Abby. It was proof that he felt the need to compulsively lie. She was disgusted with him, but she wasn't prepared to call off the wedding. That was until a few weeks later.

It was Christmas and we were spending it with his brother and sister in law in their big house in Georgetown, and his son and daughter were there, and I overheard the son saying, what's that ring on Abby's finger?

Is that from you?

And I didn't hear the response, but I remember thinking to myself, this kid doesn't know that we're getting married.

The son had no idea that he had proposed to me.

Richard had told Abby that his kids do and that they were happy about it.

The commander told me that when he told his son that he had proposed to me, his son said, well, what took you so long?

And now she had proved of a very consequential lie.

You're lying to me and I can't there's something I'm done. I'm out of here.

That night, she called off the engagement, and the timing turned out to be pretty convenient.

About two weeks later, he came over and he said, listen.

The Navy, who was apparently paying for the apartment, needs the apartment, and they're shipping me out somewhere else. I'm leaving Washington, so we have to pack up everything and get out.

So Abby packed up and moved back to New York.

And I didn't know what I was going to do because I again was going to school. I ended up commuting to Washington from New York City and I finished my degree.

In the wake of the breakup, Happy second guest yourself.

I felt bad.

I felt maybe I overreacted.

You know, every time I would interrogate him, he'd be like, well, that's why you're single, because you always question and you don't trust and you interrogate. That's why. That's why you've been singles all this time. And I thought, well, maybe that's right, you know, maybe that's right.

A few months after the breakup, she was in DC for school and one night she was in a cab driving by the watergate.

And the light was still was on in the apartment, and I called him. I said, are you you in the apartment? He said, you know, it was a comedy bearers. I got everything moved, and everything was in storage, and everything was great, and I was ready to be relocated, and then the Navy said, no, you got to move back into the apartment. You got to stay in Washington.

We're keeping you here. So remember I'm Nancy true.

I'd said, well, I need to pick up my cookbooks that are in the apartment.

I left the cookbooks, so she told the cab driver to pull over. She wanted to investigate.

I didn't have a key, and I said to the doorman, I'd like to go up to the apartment, and the doorman said, you're not allowed up.

I have a note, Abby Ellen is not allowed up.

So I called the commander. I said, wow, what's up with that? Like, why was I there was specifically a note? And he said, oh, somebody was assaulted in the buildings, so they're being really careful about who they let in. I said, I don't believe you.

She told Richard she needed to get a few things she left behind, so we let her out.

Up.

I looked in the house and the cookbooks were exactly where I had left them.

It wasn't just the cookbooks.

His baseball glove was exactly where it had been when I left, and there was a sliver of soap in exactly the same place, the same sliver that had been there when I left. And I looked at him and I said.

You didn't move and he said, oh, yes, I did.

There was no way he moved out of the apartment and put a tiny, used up sliver of soap back in the exact same place, stuck to the same bath tile.

And I thought, you're nuts, And that was it. That was it. I didn't really talk to him after that.

She knew he was a liar, but how big of a liar She wouldn't find out for another year and a half.

And then I got a phone call. It's a two two area code. The only two two area code I knew was the Commanders, So I thought, okay, I don't know why he's calling. And I picked it up and it was Special Agent Dan Ryan with NCIS.

Abby hadn't talked to Richard in over a year. When a DC number cold called her, she assumed it was him, but to her surprise, it was a special agent with NCIS, the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.

And he says, there's a doctor who's writing prescriptions for narcotics for vicodin, and your name is one of the names he's been using.

Abby's name had shown up on a list of falsified narcotics prescriptions, scripts written by a Navy doctor named Richard.

I said what, and he said, yeah, he's been writing prescriptions for drugs.

Do you know him? You have a prescription? And I said, no, I know him, and I do not have a prescription for Vicadin. You know, I prefer valuume. I mean.

The phone call didn't upset Abby. In fact, she was excited because maybe she was finally going to get answers about Richard.

I thought, maybe this is the culmination. Everything's kind of coming to a head. CIA and Navy Seal and all that. You know, everything is just coming together.

It turned out Richard wasn't working with Special Forces on secret missions. He was actually a Navy doctor working at the Pentagon.

But while he was there.

People he worked at the Pentagon he had used their names to forge drugs.

He forged hundreds of opioid prescriptions using the names of his coworkers and his family.

He used his dead mother's name, he used his dead father's name, he used I think his aunt, he used my name. All these people.

He'd been caught filling scripts at the Pentagon's pharmacy. It was a brazen scheme. What was he doing with all those painkillers?

I asked if he was selling and Dan Ryan said no, we have no evidence of that.

Presumably Richard was taking the pills himself, at least that's what he later claimed to a judge. Abby thought back to dinners with the Commander, the ones where he was falling asleep at the table. In hindsight, that was her only clue that Richard could have been taking opioids.

So why kicked into journalist's mode.

She tracked down Richard's ex wife and gave her a call.

His ex wife knew Richard had a girl friend, but it wasn't Abby. She was one who told me about the girlfriend. Abby would call one woman who told her about another. It was like a phone tree of Richard's ex girlfriends. That's how she found a woman who'd been engaged to Richard at the same time Abby started dating.

Him, and her name was Christine.

She was a doctor, She was awesome, and he proposed to her right.

Around the time he started beginning corresponding with me, and he one day said to her, I've got to go off on a secret mission.

I'll call you when I come back, and he never came back.

Christine never knew why Richard disappeared. Abby had the other half of the story, and.

The secret mission was Operation Abby.

But Richard's romantic con took an even darker turn. The last woman he'd been seeing was named Gail. Richard had been her college boyfriend. When Gail was diagnosed with breast cancer in her sixties, he reappeared she was getting divorced. He had reached out to her, and.

You know, and I never stopped loving you after thirty years, blah blah blah, all this stuff.

He swept Gail off her feet. He even claimed he could help her beat cancer. After all, he was a doctor.

He was helping manage her cancer, but she was one of the names he was using to get narcotics as well.

Gail was the last woman Richard kahnned before he got caught.

And then I called up Gail, who was basically was dying at the time. She had cancer. She had breast cancer.

When NCIS informed Gail about the fraudulent prescriptions in her name, she was so angry she flipped on Richard immediately.

She wore a wire and he admitted that he had been forging signatures and everything he admitted to her, and she got them in trouble.

Gail passed away shortly after that. Her story is the one Abby still thinks about. If there is a hero here, she says, it's Gail. Richard ultimately pled guilty to two felony charges of prescription fraud. In his sentencing hearing, he told a judge that he'd become addicted while he struggled to cope with his girlfriend's terminal cancer diagnosis. Between that and his history of military service, the judge went easy on him.

He was sentenced to I think two years in one day.

After Abby found out about Richard's crimes, she began parsing out every lie he ever told her. Ben Lawden, Richard never treated him at Guantanamo. The Secret Service wasn't following him or his kids. He had never been a Navy seal because Abby found a Navy seal impersonation expert military records and confirmed it and those screaming nightmares Richard had, while the seal expert said fake nightmares are a common feature of con artists like Richard.

Abby had been duped.

After this happened, I was like, now I got a book, thank you.

She titled her book Duped.

Once she got started on it, she realized it was about much more than just her own experience. It was about the experience of being lied to.

It's not a straight out memoir, It is really an investigation. We decided to focus on the victims. What is it like to be deceived? What is it like to be duped? What is it like to not have all the facts and that the life you've been living is not the life you thought you were living. So that was my book.

Abby never blamed herself for believing Richard's lies.

You know what's the worst thing you did.

The worst thing is you trust somebody, and we.

Have to trust. Society works on trust.

You have to stop at the red light, you have to stop at the stop light. You have to trust that the pilot knows how to fly the plane.

You have to trust that that cop is really a cop.

You have to and if you don't, society will fall apart.

Working on her book, she researched experts on deception like doctor Jennifer Fried who coined the term betrayal blindness.

And it was just about you know how when children are being abused by their caretakers. They don't see it because they need that caretaker. They can't believe that that person was working against them. And it's the same thing in any relationship, whether it's somebody you're a business colleague or your romantic partner. You don't want to believe that someone's going to do this to you. You can't believe it, and it's to your benefit not to see it because of your life that you built up.

And she even explored this stigma around being deceived, that feeling of self blame and stupidity when we've been lied to.

So then I found this study that said, actually, smarter people are more susceptible to being duped because they don't think it would happen to them.

So actually people who've been duped are smarter.

They tend to be smarter, specifically because of fatal overconfidence. It would never happen to me.

Abby turned Richard's betrayal into a story, a story for herself and for the world.

I never felt ashamed, I never felt embarrassed.

To me, it was a story and it was a great story.

Instead of covering international relations today she mostly reports on fraud.

I think it's fair to say that it changed the trajectory of my career.

That began reporting on different things. I became somewhat of an expert on fraud. I guess read a book about white color fraud, and I did a podcast which led into a documentary that I did with The New York Times called to Live in Die, Alabama. So it did change my.

Life, and thanks to her experience with Richard, she's learned a few things about herself.

I always knew I was resilient. I always knew I was strong, but I don't know that I realized just how capable I was. That's nice to know.

We end all of our episodes with the same question, why are you sharing your story?

I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people. It's very easy for it to happen now with technology. You're not a terrible person, You're not a stupid person. Lots of people are in this situation and don't feel like an idiot, because, again.

What's the worst thing you did? You trusted, that's okay.

On the next episode of Betrayal, I said, well, I'm not a suspicious person, and he said, maybe you should be more suspicious, you should ask me questions.

At this point, my heart dropped and I feel like I'm going to vomit. The betrayal felt so intentional and possibly like it was a long time coming.

If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team, email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com, and be sure to follow us on Instagram at Betrayal Pod. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment