EP 17 - Ryan

I rush out of there like Cruela Deville in one hundred and one Dalmatians Death, gripping the wheel, red eyed, just like mad, and I go back to our apartment. I throw the credit card at him sitting on the couch, and I scream, do you recognize these numbers?

I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, A show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. A few months ago, my twin sister called me. She wanted to connect me with someone who had a betrayal story of his own. It was her favorite fitness instructor, Ryan Lewis.

Ryan's a force of nature.

There's some days teach four classes a day and I'll still find time to take a class as well.

Ryan has an infectious energy. I can attest to this firsthand because I used to take his class in my hometown. That only does he have the best music, but the way he motivates the class, it's not just physical, it's also emotional.

I may or may not have cried in his class before.

Sometimes I bring my teaching home with me in terms of like making somebody's day, or making somebody's life better, or whatever it is.

Ryan's inclined to put other people's happiness first, sometimes to a fault, and one of his core values is to assume the best in others.

I will take somebody's word for what it is as they're giving me, and I will believe them. And it's just because I'd rather live in a world like that than live in a world where I constantly, I don't know, have my guard up.

He grew up outside of Philadelphia in a well to do family. He's very close with his parents and siblings. The family is ambitious, academic.

And I was kind of the one that went and charted my own path.

As a teenager, Ryan got into theater and his parents were at every performance, like when he was cast as Jean Valjean in a local theater production of La Miz.

There were seven performances. My dad was at every single one of them. But he came to see it and he was talking to one of my friends, who then shared this with me. They were like, you must be so proud of him, and He's like, of course I am. You know, I was expecting to be in the bleachers of like a Friday Night Lights kind of situation, but this is like his varsity jacket moment.

After graduating high school, he went to NYU.

Being in New York.

City, that's when I feel like my actual day dating life started.

He started his first serious relationship with a guy he met online. He was eleven years older than Ryan, and he had an established job in finance.

There was a part of me, a large part of me, that genuinely loved this man. But at the same time, I was also loving the stuff that I was getting from him, which were drugs that I was looking for that I couldn't really afford.

The two of them would go on benders together, partying and doing cocaine. When the relationship ended, Ryan's cocaine didn't. His next boyfriend noticed it immediately.

He came over and I was very noticeably high, and he was like, are we going out.

Tonight or something? And I was like nope.

So then he was like, I'm not going to do this anymore. This has to immediately stop or I'm going to leave you. So I did until I found a way to keep that drug usage secret to the point where I would just hope that he would then go to bed or something and then I could party all night, which I did.

He fell in.

Love with this new guy.

It was the first time he could see himself with someone long term. But all the while Ryan was lying to him hiding his drug use. His boyfriend would draw a line in the sand. Ryan would promise to get clean, but then he'd end up using again and the cycle would repeat itself. Ryan says that this was his rock bottom.

I went to do what would be my last line now over ten years later. I just didn't feel anything, and I had, you know, the six or seven before that of the night, but it just stopped working. And it kind of was just this bigger moment, bigger than myself kind of moment, this realization of, like, I think this party is over. I had to come clean to him that, like I had used again, and then he

Ryan started going to alpatient rehab every day. He and his boy my friend, ultimately separated. Today, Ryan's been sober for ten years. Back when he first got sober, he found a new clarity on his priorities. He was twenty three, a recent graduate with a degree in business administration, and he landed a corporate marketing job, but getting sober changed him, and marketing analytics felt empty.

I don't know.

How I can show up to work and try to sell something that I have to put on somebody else's hat for. I just like to come from a really authentic place.

And what he was passionate about was fitness.

At the time, I was a frequent and avid writer at soul Cycle. It was my transfer addiction, probably writing like seven to ten times a week, doubling Monday Wednesday Friday morning six am seven am.

Crazy. I know.

He went so often that one day an instructor asked if he would be interested in tea.

I just graduated college from like one of the top undergrad and graduate business schools in the country, and I couldn't imagine saying to my parents, Hey, I'm going to leave this to go become a cycling instructor.

But he decided to give it a shot, no matter what his parents thought.

I wanted to wake up every morning excited for what I got to do.

Of course, he was hired and began instructor training right away.

He knew that this wasn't just a job. It was going to be his career.

They moved me to Philly because they were opening up the first studio there. They knew I was from there and they wanted me to be a part of the opening team. And so I did that and opened up the two studios that are now there today. Was there for like seven years.

After investing his entire twenties in growing his career, he wanted a partner he could build a life with, someone who could match his passion and energy.

I have a.

Huge heart and I have a lot of feelings, and so I like to think that there is somebody out there who is open to connecting that deeply and it comes from a really authentic place.

In twenty nineteen, Ryan got a coveted summer position teaching in the Hamptons. He was on the dating apps but wasn't expecting to find anything serious. After all, it's a vacation town.

I've definitely had my fair share of hookups via Grinder, like I have no shame about that. Very sex positive, but I still don't execute as much as like the opportunity maybe comes up.

Ryan had a lot of unopened messages on his dating apps, but one day he got a message that piqued his interest.

It was from a guy we're going to call Jacques.

I remember just being like, this man is so attractive. He had a bit of mystery to him. He's just like a very like Jason Momoa in shape guy, darker complexion and tattoos everywhere. And then he's also French. He has a French accent as well, which like add that to it.

Jock invited him over and Ryan didn't hesitate.

For this one. I was like, I'm going.

When he got to Jacques's house in the Hampton's, he was impressed. Jacques was a high level marketing executive with the lifestyle to match.

He had this very cute, like cottagey kind of thing out there that had a pool. We went in the pool first, and he was very quiet, very like introverted, and for that like I can't sit in silence, so I'm just like wow, lahlah blah, talking for ever, just so like we weren't hit the silence again, still that air of mystery, and then we started making out in the pool and I just remember being like there was some electricity here I have never felt before, just this

After their fleeing, he and Jacques followed each other on Instagram. Summer was nearly over when they met, so Ryan returned to his regular teaching position in the city without seeing him again. Over the next few years, their only contact was the occasional EMOJIDM. That was until Ryan posted a photo from his family vacation.

I was in Saint Bart's with my family and he had DMed me excited posted a picture. It was like, that's my favorite place on the planet. And he grew up on Saint Bart's. Then we started talking and immediately just very much back and forth, flirting, vulgar, not vulgar, like all the things. And if I feel something, I'm going to materialize it to words and share it with you.

Even though it was a few years since they met, their chemistry still felt electric. Ryan had moved back to New York City and Jacques was living in Miami, so Ryan me plans to go visit him there. A couple of days before Ryan was set to arrive, Jaques called, He's like, I've.

Got some bad news. I have a friend that's going through something and she has the rest training order against her husband who has been physically abusing her, and she's taking her kid with her and needs a place to stay, so she's going to stay at my apartment.

It wasn't ideal, but he was struck by Jacques's generosity.

I'm just like, that's so nice of you. I'm so sorry that your friend is going through that.

They weren't able to stay together at Jaques's place, but Jacques had a solution. A friend with an Airbnb said that they could use it at a discount, so Ryan paid him five hundred dollars for the place and boarded a plane to Miami.

And I remember seeing him and this was the first time I was seeing him in four years, being like I am in big trouble. Immediately was just like ah, Like the heart started picking up all the things Butterflies was like.

Here we go.

Ryan took that first weekend with Jock slow. He already knew they had a magnetic attraction. He wanted to get to know Jack on a deeper level.

I'm at this point in my life where like, I want to start my next chapter, my settling down chapter, at least in terms of personal life.

They stayed up late and talked about their lives. Jock had multiple citizenships, spoke four languages, and owned homes around the world, all thanks to his illustrious career.

She was a very decorated marketing professional. He had worked for three huge luxury designer brands over in their Europe offices. He had worked for one of the most premier hotel organizations as.

Well, which was the job that he was in at the time.

I was just like, Wow, you are in aggressive, impressive.

He traveled for work nearly every week and was really well connected, which came with a lot of perks. It wasn't just his resume that impressed Ryan, it was also his commitment to health and fitness.

He would get up at five or five thirty every morning. First thing he would do is work out. He also didn't drink, so it was all these values that I was connecting to, but what the stickiness was was the emotional vulnerability and access that he was giving.

Like Ryan, he was present, emotionally intelligent, empathetic.

We talked at the end of the weekend, right before I was about to leave, so I was like, well, what are we doing here?

Am I coming back down here? Are you coming up to visit me?

Like?

Are we moving forward with this? And he was like yeah, absolutely, and so I left excited, but so like, what are we then? Which sounds crazy after spending one weekend, but again for me, I was like, I've known you since twenty nineteen, We've talked throughout these past four years, so like a foundation has been set.

Jacques was the full package, the right guy that Ryan had been waiting for.

When he went back to New York, Ryan was almost giddy.

We were texting like all day every day, pretty much like first text in the morning, last text at night.

They made plans for Ryan to go to Miami again just a few weeks later, and this time he stayed at Jack's apartment. It was all white, with tall ceilings and big glass windows. Ryan could see himself spending a lot more time there and so.

I asked him, like, what is this, Like I left unsure, are we still like dating around in the places that we live whatever? He was like, oh no, ever since you left, I've stopped that.

That night they made it a and to seal the deal, he.

Tells me that he loves me, and usually I'm the person that gives that away real early in a relationship, and I was just like, finally, like somebody is as emotionally open and ready to be vulnerable as I am, and like feels as deeply as I do, and all these things.

They started dating long distance, but that didn't stop them from daydreaming about their future together.

He was like, I definitely want to get married to somebody. I do think I want to have kids, and like whenever we talked about that, it was always talking about it as I want you as that person.

The distance became excruciating.

After every visit, Ryan fell more in love with Jacques and with Miami.

I would crying the uber on the way to the airport, cry on the plane, and a part of it was because yes, I was saying goodbye to him, but also it is because like I was saying goodbye to Miami, and I loved being here, loved being here.

One day, when Ryan was back in New York, he got a surprising text from Jacques.

He sends me a picture in like the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, and it's of his left ring finger and it says three nineteen twenty twenty three.

That date was their anniversary, the day they made it official.

And like, for me back then, I was like, I make moves like that, scary moves like that, Like nobody's ever done that for me. And so I was just like, Wow, this is real, real, real, real, And so I was just like hook line sinker, like when are we making this happen?

When am I moving here?

They started making plans for Ryan to move in. He couldn't get a full time teaching position in Miami until next year, so he'd have to pick up classes when he could.

And so I'm going.

To get I don't know how many classes, but I'm like very much paid per class, So I'm going to be taking a pay cut from what I have right now. And he was like, don't worry about a thing. I will cover Rent, I will cover all this stuff, maybe help out with groceries every week.

And I was like I can do that.

At the time, Jacques was the CMO at a luxury hotel brand. He could afford to cover some of their bills Before they took the big step to move in together.

Ryan invited him.

To meet his parents, who'd also relocated to Florida. His parents loved the idea of Ryan being close by. When they met for dinner, Jacques made a big first impression.

He was very good at sharing all these stories about how this hotel brand had locations all around the world and that he had been to ninety percent of them on like the company's.

Jet with the CEO, all of this stuff.

In fact, Jacques arrived at the dinner straight from a day of work at the CEO's estate.

It showed up having just gotten back from his house working there for the day and everything, saying that he had a great salad that was prepared by his chef and all these things and whatnot. First name dropping, first name dropping, and so I was just like, okay, cool.

Jacques seemed a bit nervous, but he passed the test for Ryan's parents after.

That and moved to Miami. Was just a matter of logistics.

We had settled on a date of end of August for me to move to Miami, and she was like, I'll take care of everything. You just have to pay for the flight.

When he got there, life with Jacques was better than he imagined.

It was like honeymoon. I was also just like honeymooning with Miami. I was just over indexing on joy, cooking at home every night, you know, going to walk his dog, our dog, and so it very much felt like, Wow, this is it.

He knew Jacques was the one, and it came from the simple moments.

I was there at the park with him and he was like holding my hand or had his arm around me and all this stuff, and I was just like, wow, you are really proud to be my boyfriend.

Everything was going smoothly until one day Jacques came home and said he quit his executive marketing job, just out of the blue.

He just walked in one day and was like, I just quit. I was like what.

The announcement rattled Ryan, especially considering that Jacques assured him that he would support the couple financially.

But he owned two apartments in Paris and so he was getting like a steady stream monthly income from.

That, and he was well connected in the marketing world. He said he'd find another job no problem, and Ryan trusted him. Ryan focused on settling into the new city, making friends, and exploring Miami's music scene. One of his favorite bands was coming into town, so he borrowed his dad's credit card to get pre sale tickets. A few weeks later, Ryan logged in to pay off the bill.

The balance was a lot higher than what the tickets were for, and so I look and there's two line items. One was Ticketmaster, the other was for nine hundred and ninety dollars, and it was something something like a name of some sorts Fort Lauderdale, And so I was like, okay, that's weird.

He contested the charge and submitted a report, and he told his parents to keep him posted about the fraudulent charge. A few weeks later, he was in between teaching classes when he got a text from his mom.

She wanted to talk on the phone right away. Her formality scared him. He feared a family emergency.

And so I called, and she goes, are you at home right now?

And I was like no, and she was like great.

And then my dad goes, hey, Ry, and I very much realized I was on speaker. Both of them were on the phone. That never happens. They were like, so we got the results back from American Express and it turns out that that charge is very real. It's shock and it's for a divorce lawyer. Did you know that he was married?

Ryan's parents called in with news about a fraudulent charge on their credit card. They'd done a full investigation and traced the charge to a divorce lawyer in Fort Lauderdale. What they found was Jacques had met with a lawyer and he charged that meeting to their AMX.

I started crying, freaking out, hysterics, and I was like, I'm going to call you in an hour.

I have to go teach right now. So I hung up.

I went in to teach the class somehow, and I'm just like, everything is falling apart very quickly. I get out of class. I rush out of there like Cruela Deville in one hundred and one Dalmatians Death, gripping the wheel, red eyed.

Just like mad.

And I'm talking to my parents about it. They're like, what are you going to do? And I was like, I mean, I'm going home right now to talk to this man. And they're like, obviously, you have to leave him.

Yeah, I mean.

Probably Ryan wanted answers he needed to hear Jacques explain himself.

I go to our apartment and I throw the credit card at him sitting on the couch, and I screamed, do you recognize these numbers? And he's like, what are you talking about? Hands up on guard. I was just like, do you recognize these numbers? And he was like, why do you keep asking me that? And I was like, there was a credit card charge for over nine hundred dollars that was for a divorce lawyer based in Fort Lauderdale and the invoice had your name on it. And

Was right there.

They fought that whole night until Jacques finally confessed that, yes, he was in the process of getting divorced.

He was basically saying things like it was all for a green card. We were dating, but we agreed to get married and whatever, and then you know, it ended, and he was using me like I was the provider and whatnot, and I had to get out of there basically saying things like that, and so for me, I was like, I don't know if there's really that much there.

He said that using Ryan's credit card or his parents' credit card rather was just an accident, but that confession was quickly overshadowed by what Ryan discovered. Next.

He wanted to search Jock's phone to see if there was anything else he was hiding.

I was like, give me your phone, and so he hands it to me. I immediately go to his Instagram and his text messages, and there are over thirty forty conversations with all different guys. It varies from dirty talk to sending pictures to sending video to proof that he invited men over, dating back to when we.

Had started dating in March, and all throughout.

For each person he talked to, Jacques was putting on a totally.

Different persona, and Ryan didn't recognize any of them.

I remember distinctly saying to him, I do like dirty talk, especially if we're going to do long distance pictures, videos, whatever. I want to feel physically connected to you. And he's like, it's so outside of my comfort zone. But I'm gonna work on it. It never happened, never happened. And so the stuff that I was reading, even though it's something that I like doing, was to a level I would never say, and so I'm like screaming at him about that. You seem to have no problem.

Being like this.

Ryan scrolled through Jacques's messages with dozens of guys, furious and heartbroken, but also confused because Jacques didn't have one story about his life.

He had many.

There were so many different ways that he was talking to these guys where sometimes they would call him out and be like I thought you were seeing somebody, and he would respond with yeah, so like nothing's going to happen here, And then the next time if somebody said that to him, he'd be like, yeah, but I can.

Do whatever I want, or yeah a word.

In an open relationship where like he doesn't have to know anything like that, And so I'm just reading all of this those messages he couldn't deny, and surprisingly he didn't, but he created a story.

Joqu's story was that these flings happened before he started dating Ryan, but it was a bold lie, considering Ryan could see the time stamps on the messages and knew it wasn't true, so he decided to DM one of the guys.

And so there was this one guy that I got the sense that he had been over a lot. I just said, hey, what's up, and he goes, hey, because my front grid had pictures of me and Shock together, can you let your boyfriend know that he owes me sixty dollars?

And I was like Jesus Christ.

I said, I'll do my best, but I'm going to let you know you're probably not going to see.

That money back.

Ryan confronted him again and that's when he saw a new side of Shock.

He then starts to have a full on breakdown in front of me and was just losing it. I'd never seen him really cry before, and he was like, you know, I grew up as kind of a fat kid, was bullied a lot, was not looked at in any sort of, you know, attractive way, And ever since I started working on myself, I've been getting a lot of attention. And

Seeing Jacques distraught and vulnerable triggered Ryan's need to help to make it better.

There is a part inside me that did not want to admit that what I had been waiting for for quite some time that had finally arrived. I was not ready to let go. I was really holding on to like, no, this, I found him, this is it. It's my person. I'm fighting for this.

It also reminded him of his own rock bottom ten years earlier, when his boyfriend at the time stopped by him and got him the help he needed to get sober.

When I had hit rock bottom, my boyfriend at the time had stayed with me, and I was like, this feels like Jacques's emotional rock bottom, and this is my chance to pay it forward and be there for my partner, and so I decided to stay.

Joaqu was talking about his mistakes openly with Ryan, which felt like the right step. And Ryan knew that relationships were nuanced.

I had always worked through, or tried my best to work through the tougher moments in relationships, because realistically they're not perfect. He was willing to go to therapy by himself and with me. He was showing up and fully surrendering, which for me is what I did ten years ago for myself.

So they set up new boundaries, boundaries that Jock agreed to.

He was agreeing to anything I said. You will not have access to Instagram. Instagram is now under my email and my phone number, and I'm changing the password and whatnot.

Ryan was comfortable giving Jaques a second chance, but when he told his.

Parents, they were not happy. They had done their own research on Jock.

When the divorce lawyer charge came through. They had done their research and found that when you google him, it's his LinkedIn and then it's a court case.

Jacques was named in a lawsuit over an illegal sublet and unpaid rent scheme in the Hamptons. The case amounted to fraud worth over one hundred thousand dollars, but there was an explanation. It was his ex husband, the one from the green card marriage. He was actually the one responsible for those charges, but because they were married, Jacques was also named on the lawsuit.

I'm talking to my parents about it and they're bringing up the court case. I'm like, no, he's been cleared of that. They had no case or whatever, and I'm waiting for him to get the documents, like, I'll send it to you.

Ryan's parents didn't buy it, and in fact, it created a rift between them, the first one they ever had.

My mom and I did not talk. I would occasionally talk to my dad.

Ryan doubled down and said he wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving if Jacques couldn't come too. He felt that Jacques deserved a second chance, just like everyone else, and his parents just didn't understand. Soon, Jacques was no longer the problem. The problem became Ryan's parents.

When I started to like not believe him and start to question him, he would always say, you sound just like your mom right now.

During this time, Ryan needed to buy a new car for work. With their relationships seemingly on the right track, he and Jacque decided to go in on their dream car together.

We both really.

Wanted to Ford Bronco really badly, and so we had bought one. He said that we're not going to get approved for it if my name's on it, because my credit's really bad because I just bought this apartment and sold the other one.

And so I was like, oh, that's fine, Like I'll put.

My name on it, and he was like we'll just split the monthly payments and whatnot.

They ordered the car and had it fully customized.

It was all in ninety two thousand dollars, which was fine with because for me, I was still like, I can afford half of the monthly payments as long as.

You're paying half.

Then the first car payment came.

I Venmo requested him for it.

He gets it back to me immediately, and then I get all the emails from Venmo. It's all that transaction, and then there's one from like twenty minutes before that says that I paid Jock eight hundred dollars, and I was like, no, I did. I requested something around that from him, but I did not pay him, and so I was like, that's weird. So before I like bring it up, I was like, let me go into my app, look at the ledger. It's very much there that I

I for sure did not do any of those.

But Ryan, I never got an email receipt about these payments.

So I was like let me look at the trash bin, and that's where the emails were. There was the only two emails sitting in there, and that's when I absolutely knew that it was him, because I don't delete emails because I'm afraid i'm gonna need something, so I archive all my emails, and so he had gone into my phone, paid himself, and then went into my email and cleared the history of it.

There it was proof that Jacques was not only stealing money from him, but he was covering it up.

And it was after the fact of that instance where like, you hit to me what I called your rock bottom, but it turns out it's not.

This is just who you are. It's just who you are.

That was that when Ryan made this discovery, Jaques was out of the house, so he took the opportunity to run.

He was out walking his dog, and I got as much stuff as I could of mine and left called my parents. My mom and I were both hysterically crying over the phone, just because, like my dad said, his seventies on my mom's in her sixties, and I lost being able to go see her. I was going to do that in October and I was going to do that November and I didn't, and I even canceled going to Thanksgiving with them because I was like, I'm not going to Thanksgiving if my boyfriend's not allowed to come

His parents forgave him immediately, but the process of leaving Jacques was just beginning then.

It was very much like Operation Rescue. And so I stayed in a hotel for a week.

Ryan thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with this man, and now he wasn't sure if anything.

He'd been told was true.

He needed to talk to Jacques's ex husband, you know, in the Green Card marriage.

I was just like, I don't think I can sink any lower right now, so let's at least say so.

I was like, Hey, this is Ryan.

I was dating Jacques and just broke up with him, and I just loved to talk to you about your experience. The first thing that he said to me was that man is scum and deserves to be in jail. And I was just like, okay, we can talk, we can talk.

His ex had a lot to say about Jaques, especially the lies he discovered in their marriage.

Jacques had claimed that not only was he French and therefore a citizen of there, he was also a dual citizen of Israel and he had fought in the IDF. They were in their government interview before their wedding and the official had asked, Jacques, have you ever served in

Did he ever fight in the IDF? Or was that another lie?

All those stories Jacques told him about how his ex husband was leeching off him, the opposite was true. Ryan and Jacques's X talked almost every week for those first few months. They were both members of a crappy club.

He is such a good guy and in their relationship was the provider and was so generous with Jacques. Again really believed that he also had found this person.

Ryan also found a mutual friend, someone who'd known Jacques in Saint Bart's. He'd been invited to Jacques's childhood home, which was a huge mansion.

He looked it up. It's an airbnb that he rented.

After Ryan got out of the relationship and started to see the deception and lies for what they were, he developed a new theory about Jacques. Jacques had always seemed to be so perceptive. He always knew what Ryan was thinking and what he was worried about before he even said anything. But maybe it was more sinister than just intuition. When Jacques was out of the apartment, Ryan would talk on the phone to his friends, his parents, his therapist.

He has a ring camera or whatever for his dog, and he would pick up on the conversations and listen to them. He listened to every single one of my therapy sessions. He would leave the apartment and sit somewhere else, but he was very much tuning in and listening to the entire hour. That's like the long con of it all, which is just like, I need to know what is making this guy tick right now so I can hold on and keep pulling from him.

No wonder he was so intuitive. He was listening in on Ryan's therapy sessions all along. It was total manipulation to make Ryan feel like Jacques truly solemn, understood him, loved him. How much money did Ryan lose in this relationship? This is what he estimates.

It is fifty eight thousand dollars this cars, but under my name. Obviously, I took it with me when I left, and at some point I was like, this is stupid for me to have, and so I went to sell it, thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna make money off of this.

This is great.

Apparently I was kind of an idiot to not read the fine print and just trust. But we had bought it, I think twenty thousand dollars over MSRP because at that point Ford Broncos were so heavy in demand, and then in a matter of four months nobody really wants them. And so when I went to sell it, I sold it into a loss of forty two thousand dollars.

Ryan stayed in Florida and so did Jock in the same apartment. Ryan doesn't want to leave Miami because he loves it there.

They have run into each other from a distance.

I saw him walking into his building because unfortunately, part of my commute is to drive by that building. And he was walking in with his dog, wearing a black hoodie, and I just like and I realized that the back of his sweatshirt says sad Dad's on it, which is from the National the Band, a concert that I had gone to right before I left New York to come down here he's wearing my sweatshirt. I thought that I had lost that sweatshirt.

It's strange watching from the sidelines as Jacques continues a life of deception and lies. As for that tattoo that Jacques got, the one with their anniversary date on his finger, it was one of many tattoos Jaq had, tattoos.

That Ryan now sees differently.

He has one it's like a dove and then it goes into a name and I was like, who's that and he says, oh, that was my friend in France and we were on motorcycles together and I watched a car hit him and he died. And now looking back, I'm just like that was an next boyfriend. That was an next boyfriend for me, Like I have to have some fun or like find some comedy in it. I said to my friend, I wonder how I died. I wonder what my story is. I'd really love to know.

Ryan's ready to let go of the shame and self blame he felt after this betrayal, and telling his story is part of that release. We end all of our weekly episodes with the same question, why did you want to tell your story?

I'm hoping that this is the final release for me. This is no longer just mine. This is somebody else's to connect to and be like I didn't think this could happen to me, but like it actually can, because it can happen to any Thank God, I'm not the only one.

On the next episode of Betrayal.

People who are in this incredibly vulnerable spot of trying to be better for their children. If I were evil, I would leave that one alone.

You know that seems like a line.

If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us at Betrayal pod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal pod at gmail dot com.

We're grateful for your support.

One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Glass and Jennifer Fasin, hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, also

Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains.

Music library provided by myb Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.