Hey, listeners, this is Laura. If you love listening to best of both worlds, you might like gathering with us in November to set goals for the next year. We'll be co hosting Best Lead Plans Live Together this year in Fort Lauderdale from November seventh through ninth, twenty twenty four. Come join us for planning and time management workshops and a lot of fun. Visit the shoebox dot com slash b LP live to learn more and to sign up. That's t h E s h u box dot com slash b LP Live.
We'd love to see you there.
Hi. I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker.
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, and course creator. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families.
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds, This says Laura. This episode is airing in early March. Of twenty twenty four, Sarah's going to be interviewing Meggie Smith. Doctor Meggie Smith, who is a reproductive indocronologist. She works in the fertility industry.
She will talk about how she went through her own journey, right, Sarmon, you can tell us a little bit more about it.
What does she talk about?
Yeah, so she talks about kind of two steps of it. First the choice to freeze her eggs while she was in her reproductive endocrinology fellowship, and then her choice to use those eggs. And I won't give away all the details, but it was a very intentional path, very thought through, and unlike some going through she was extremely knowledgeable about all of the nuts and bolts of these procedures as well as different risks and different chances.
So it was really cool to hear it from her perspective.
Yeah, if we sound a little bit different, it's because we're sitting in a hotel room together here in Naples, Florida. Sarah and I are recording a couple episodes live. We're doing the intro in Q and A for this one, which she recorded with Meggie at another point. But we're
enjoying a little time together. But all right, So Sarah, given what Meggie did, she froze her eggs and used them on her own, is this something you would have ever considered if you hadn't gotten married, you know, when you did.
Yeah, I think so, I mean, and similar to her, I don't know. You know, there's two options, right, you could just go straight with a donor, or you could do the freezing and then have a donor. I don't know which I would have picked. I mean, I felt very strongly pold to start a family by thirty, and so maybe I wouldn't have done the freezing stuff. It's kind of hard to know, especially because I finished my fellowship,
you know, my early thirties. There stillould have been lots of fertility left when I was starting my first quote unquote real job and had more resources. So I do think this would have been something I would have considered. And listeners know, long time listeners know my sister went down a similar path. My niece is now four. She is the smartest, cutest little thing. And I mean, that's just a totally different story and a different path and
a different lifestyle. But now I see two great examples of how that can work so well, So yeah, I think I would have done it.
Yeah, it's hard to know, because I mean, I would want to have kids, So I don't know what I would have done if I had approached age thirty five or whatever and that wasn't looking like it was on
the horizon for me. But yeah, I guess so good in life that never had to come to that to make that decision, because I think it's very challenging to raise a child on your own, even if you have all the resources in the world, and so undertaking that road knowing that, I mean, I know a lot of people wind up in that situation, whether they intended to or not. But undertaking that on your own, knowing that's what you're going into, I think would have been a big thing to get my head around.
So yeah, yeah, So it's kind of really cool to listen to doctor Meggie Smith's journey, and I think she's a very strong person, and yeah, let's hear from her all.
Right, here we go.
Well, I am so excited to welcome to best of both worlds. Doctor Meggie Smith, a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist at Nashville Fertility Center. We also have some kind of long ago connections, and I emailed her by replying from an email from like twenty twelve. So welcome Meggie.
Thank you. Yes, twenty twelve. I was still a medical school at that time, which is crazy to think about. And I guess were you a fellow at that time?
I think I was. Yes, I was a fellow in twenty twelve, and I would have just had my first baby, who is now, you know, about to be twelve, so that's crazy.
Yes, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.
I'm so excited to have you on and to have this chat and to hear more about your story. So we also seem to have some like random connections and a running connection in common. But we are not going to talk about running on this podcast. We have received some feedback that people would prefer that not be the main focus of it, although I'm always happy to nerd out on it when we can. Yes, but Meggie, I
guess you can give us a background. You were like an old school blogger back in the day, and you still have quite a presence.
Yet, so I guess I can't remember when I started up.
It was when bloggs were popular. Josh like twenty eleven, twenty twelve, between my third and fourth years of medical school, I did a year of research and so I believe it was during that time because you know, didn't have as much going on, didn't have as much going on as you know did before the Actually it was like a really great way to meet that Plus Twitter at the time was a really great great way to meet people, and that's how I ended up meeting Sony and my
friends in New York City at the time, and people that I'm still friends with now and then also like people that I maybe not don't talk to on a regular basis. But it's really interesting to see where people have gone in their lives since that time, because very few of us live in New York City anymore. But it's interesting to see just kind of where people moved to what they did with their lives, you know, children, marriages, all that kind of stuff.
Awesome, which we are definitely going to talk about when it comes to you. So, you did a bold thing a number of years back, and I believe it was on Instagram if you correct me if I have the wrong platform, and you shared a story about freezing your eggs. Can you talk about that? And also kind of where you were in your career trajectory at the time.
Yes, so I was. So I was very fortunate that my fellowship would actually let fellows freeze their eggs for you know, basically very little we have pay for, you know, medications things like that. But ultimately I was like, Wow, why wouldn't I do this? Because egg freezing for most people, honestly, is mostly a financial decision. And if someone were having a flash say on egg freezing, and said, hey, you could do this for five hundred dollars, a lot of
people in their young thirties would certainly do it. So I think, and I always you know, having done research and reproductive intochronology and infertility, I just knew that probably the best time really to freeze your eggs is in your young thirties if you can. Obviously, not everybody can or has that you know, wants to make that decision. But I decided to share it because I feel like there was a lot of like demystifying of the process. I think, first of all, people think it takes months,
and it doesn't. And I think also that it really takes like two to two and a half weeks for most people, and also that like you're going to be crazy or hormonal or the shots are terrible, and like it's not like it's not the worst thing I've ever Like, it's not that bad, like in my experience. The other thing, too, is I think physically it's there parts of it it's hard. Emotionally,
there are parts of it that it's hard. I think really what was most surprising to me at the time is you kind of have to grieve the loss of the life you thought you were going to live. Like, no one comes into my office thinking I'm going to have to freeze my eggs, I'm going to see a fertility doctor, any of these things. And so I think acknowledging and accepting that that, like, no one wants to have to do this, you know. And I think that was probably the most surprising hard part about it for me.
But I was just glad I was able to share it, just to be like, hey, this isn't maybe the no one really wants to do this, but you can get through it. It's not so terrible, and yeah, so I shared it.
I love that, and you shared like the nuts and fults in all the specifics. Is that still available if someone wants to like watch that story.
Yeah, it's on highlights. Actually I saved it because I did two cycles. Actually one when I was a first year fellow, so I was thirty one and that's actually the cohort of exit my daughter's from. And then I did another cycle and when I was at the end of my second year, and so I think I saved more of that on highlights, like mixing the medications, giving them to myself kind of, yeah, a little bit of everything.
So, and how long does that process take? You mentioned it's not that bad, but like how many weeks.
From the start of injections to the egg retrieval is about two to two and a half weeks, then about a week till you get your next period, depending on how you trigger. So it's really not as I think people think, it's like a month's long process, and it really isn't. Obviously there's a lot of lead up to it. Potentially you go on birth control pills for scheduling purposes and whatnot. But ultimately, like the time, it says, a portion of your life is a lot less than people realize.
Very interesting. Well, I applaud your boldness and your your willingness to share that journey because I agree. I do feel like you were one of the first people to really talk about it, and the fact that it's a resource to still look at is amazing. So we're going to fast forward a little bit. So what year was that? Actually? Tell us one more time, like what was the timeframe that was?
Okay, So that was December twenty seventeen and April twenty nineteen is when I froze my eggs, okay.
And then take us to your decision process when you decided to move forward with things, and I know that's it's sensitive and like, yeah, whatever you're willing to share.
Well, I think I always knew I wanted to have kids, and by virtue of what I do, I have to say, like, part of my job is being a fertility doctor. Part of my job is being like a therapist sometimes a marriage counselor relationship counselor. And so I guess at some point Number one, fertility is not forever. And even though I had frozen my eggs, you don't know how they're going to do right, You don't know. And the other
thing is you know, yes you can carry it. You know the ASRM recommendation as you can transfer to the age of fifty four, but like, yeah, I mean I don't really want to be fifty years old with a newborn. So energy is not infinite either. So I wanted to at least have a child, like kind of within my
same group, you know, friends having children and everything. And so I think the other thing that at least my job actually helped me with was realizing that there are a lot of imperfect relationship Like, there are a lot
of like that marriage isn't necessarily easy. And also I started getting to the age where a lot of my friends got divorced, So I think kind of just seeing that, a lot of it, I think a lot of it's like perception, right where what if I had just got knocked up at some point, you know, like people just kind of I think it's the perception how you look
at it. And ultimately I was like, I know, I want children, and at the age at which I was, so I'm now thirty eight, and I was like thirty six when I made this decision to do this, thirty seven when I transferred or just turned thirty seven, I was like, I'm either going to get a husband or children at this point in my life. But I probably won't get both, and probably not in the timeline that I'm going to want, or at least in that traditional
timeline of like marriage children. So I was sort of like, okay, well what's more important to me? More important to me was having children just because I hate dating. I think it's really online dating especially, it's just very like hard. And I was like, well, the return on investment with this is not great, but I can do this for
myself if this is what I want to do. And I have patients that like are like, no, I would never want to have a kid on my own, and that's fine, but I knew that I even though it's not going to be I don't think having children ever is easy. And I also thought about it too when I was thinking about like childcare and all these other things, even if I had a husband, I was like, I'm just still need all this help unless they were a
stay at home dad, you know. So I guess I was kind of like, really, the only thing that having a partner with change is a secondary and cub And at that point I was like, well, I have a really good support system where I live. I'm now a fully fledged attending doctor kind of more settled in my practice, and yeah, I was like, at some point if you just if you don't do it, you're never going to do it. So I was like, let's just do it.
Yeah, I love that. I have so many questions. We're going to take a very quick break and be right back and I want to hear so much more. Okay, we are back, and I think that all makes so much sense. I loved your point about you don't know
what you're getting in a marriage anyway. So even though some people and you've kind of witnessed this, even in your practice and couples trying to get pregnant, you've probably seen some of those couples dissolve and so they're left in the same place, or perhaps a much more awkward place compress.
Well, And that's the I mean, that was the other is like, sometimes, I mean I've seen great relationships, I've seen relationships where they're not on the same page and this is really becoming like a crossroads for them. I've seen people, I mean, I've seen if it can happen, I've seen it all. You know, I've even seen a pation who came back to me one time for a post IVF console, and at the time I thought, unfortunately, their IVF cycle had gone terribly and you know, we
didn't actually have any embryos to freeze for them. But as it turned out, when she came back in the interim, she had learned I guess her husband had lived like a total double life or something. So ultimately it was like a good thing.
I was like, well, I.
Guess this is a new positive So I think everyone like I applot people are like like who have in marriages that have lasted a long time and it's wonderful.
But I just kind of realized that it wasn't. You know, I have friends that are getting to Like Also, if I got married just for the sake of getting married to have children and then you know, got divorced in ten years, that's not great right for me, Like that, it's not great to go into a marriage to be like I just need to get married so I can have kids, and like this may work out, it may not work out, Like I really this person needs to add value to my life if I'm going to bring
them along at this point, Like I was like, I'm pretty happy in general by myself, so if they if I'm going to add somebody to it. They've got to bring value to my life. So I think at that point, I was just like, at some point, like life doesn't always. I think it's a very different day and age. I always. My daughter is actually named after the woman the black teen ager or pretty much that raised my grandmother, and
I think of like her. And she had a couple of broken engagements, got married, had three kids, soon divorced. After my mom, you know, graduated high school. She I don't think she can even have her own credit card.
I'm not sure she could. I think my uncle had to like coside out our house, like because she was a woman, right, And so I just think of all the advances that had come from that time, and how lucky I was that I could do this on my own if I wanted to, Like, I can have my own credit card, I can buy a house as an independent woman, you know all of these things. So I felt like, really, if you kind of flip it, it's
a very positive thing. And as I tell my patients all the time, a child that's wanted and loved, it doesn't matter what the family structure might look like or how that child comes to you. That's all that really matters, I think at least, so I love that.
I love that. I mean, it sounds very empowered the way you went about it. Yeah, Also, like I hear the untethering between like, Okay, I want a partner in a loving relationship and I want a kid, but like I don't need those two to like be linked because the timing may not work out, and at the end of the day, like the timing of the child matters
more than the timing of the relationship, and thus let's go. Yes, I mean, I think it's great, and I think it makes so much rational sense in an area where ration may not may not govern everyone's actions.
Correct. I think people are like scared to do it. I think that's the biggest fear. And actually what I did was I told people about a year before I did it, so in January of twenty two is what I kind of like floated the idea to my parents, I floated the idea to friends. And I'll have to say, because I think you're like worried about what people will say. Is it thing like like do you know what you're doing? Kids are so hard, they're so expensive, and so then
they see how supportive people were. I was like, oh, okay, I will have to say, like I think ultimately people are are. I like to believe in the good in people, and they're just very people have been so supportive, so encouraging about this process and like me doing this on my own and very like interested too, which has been nice. And I really haven't had anyone say like, well, do you know what you're doing? She's not gonna have a dad like all this. You know, no one's really said
anything along those lines to me. And you know, as I like to say, if you're not excited, you're not invited. So if you're not gonna like bring joy or happiness, then we're not bringing that energy here. I love it.
All right, Well, let's move on to talking about logistics. And I don't mean logistics of the cycles necessarily, although I'm sure yeah, you probably share that as well, especially because it's your area of personal expert of professional expertise. Yes, yeah, but like logistics of this, you knew you had to support network. What are the things you thought about with respect to childcare, finances, housing, all of those things as you decided to move forward.
Yeah, so housing is interesting. I ended up actually buying a house in the year before I got pregnant, and not because of actually having a child, to be honest, because after living in New York City for so many years, I kind of realized, like people do it in these tiny apartments so like you can, especially as like a
little baby, they don't require as like as much. Obviously, like it was nice that I bought the house and moved into this house and all of this before I had a child, but I was not as concerned about the housing part, just because I had seen what people in New York City do obviously, like something down the
road to consider was like backyard whatever. Childcare was my biggest I guess stressor because there are so many ways you can kind of go about childcare, but it's hard to find a lot of times it's expensive and that really I was like I almost need so I ended U. I looked into several different things in o pair, looked at a full time nanny. My nephews are in daycare, and so at least having seen them be in daycare really like it. I felt good about that as well.
But then also they get sick, they're going to have to come home from daycare, like today, I thought, so really, actually My mom is the one who brought this up to me. She's like, that's some article about something called a family assistant. And what she would say is like, you really need someone to do stuff for you so that way, when you come home from work, you're able to then spend time with your child, and which is
so true. So I ended up in rolling Scout getting into daycare, which is very fortunate that I got into one, because I put myself on waitless before I got pregnant and only got into one and it's crazy. So then and then I hire what's called a family I call
her my family assistant. She works twenty five hours a week for me, and what she serves to do is she comes during the bulk of the day where she'll do stuff around my house, you know, take my dogs out, laundry, all these little things like yesterday she picked up pictures that my daughter her three lenthal pictures, and or like go buy the birthday present, whatever it is. So but if Scout gets sick, like if I were at work today, she could go pick her up and bring her back
to my house. And I'm very fortunate that I raged my schedule that my assistant ends at three but she could always go overtime or whatever. But when I end patience, I could hopefully be home pretty quickly after. I would still have a document, probably call people and whatnot, but
I could do that either another day or later. My biggest strussuer was figuring out the childcare piece and how expensive it was going to be, and figuring out like really what I could afford, and then just kind of like getting this lined up, how do I go about finding this family assistant? Ultimately I used an agency, so all of this was very is not cheap, is what I will say, but I feel ultimately it worked out well for me. I feel very fortunate to found good people.
And then even when you have all this lined up, you're still going to have that chaotic day or there's a snowstorm, but no one could get anywhere where you're just like I'm doing tellealth at home seeing patients with my daughter in this swing, watching this Rachel and we're just gonna have to live with it.
Yes, like sometimes there's just no perfect backup. I'm curious because one thing we've told people on this podcast is that it can be very difficult to find someone excited to do part time work whereas you have found it sounds like that unicorn and any special recruitment or I don't know what would you say if someone was having trouble finding that.
Yeah, So I worked with an agency and at first I was going to hire this person for like forty hours a week, but then realized a couple of things. Just logistically, I don't really have forty hours a week of work for someone around my house. Like I'm sure I could find thanks for them to do, but like that's a lot to do. Then the other thing, too, is at some point, if you exceed a certain number of hours that you have this person employed, you're gonna have to pay taxes and what I like, it's a W
two employee, which is hard. But ultimately when I advertise for it is like twenty to twenty five hours a week. I said my hours were flexible because they're going to need a second job, right, And so it ended up working out great that the person who works for me, she actually does pick up and drop off for another family so nearby, So she does like the morning pick and dropping off at school, comes to me and then leaves me and goes and picks up at school and
brings back home and whatnot. So that kind of worked out well. And when I advertise, I also said, I'm very flexible on what hours this is with ther during the day, so that way, at least should they need something else to do something else, which they will for the most part, that I could say, Okay, well this is where I can flex it to be nine to two or tend to three or whatever it was. Yeah, so that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, offering that flexibility I think is unique and my change as your kids get older, because I'm picturing like, okay, and then when they have to go to dance class, you may not have that flexibility. But this is a reminder that like we don't have to plan that many years in advance, like figure out what works now.
Yes, Like I was like, my assistant is like said, we signed a contract for a year, and I told her, like, I would love for you to stay long term, obviously, but I said, my needs will probably change as she gets older. Right now, she's in daycare and that covers us of the workday, so she's kind of back up.
But as Scout gets older, you know, yeah, they'll be after school activities or all these things that then I'm going to have to probably, you know, would have to shift her, and that might look differently, but we can cross that bridge. We get there right now, she's not going to dance class. She can't sit up.
So yeah, I think that makes total sense. Yes, like you're dealing with this and you'll keep your mind open. But now that sounds awesome and actually not a solution we've really talked about before. So I'm excited because we've talked about a lot of different iterations. But having a part time wait what did you call it again? Home, I call our family family assistant a part time family assistant. It seems like it makes total sense in combination with daycare.
It's actually the best thing I've ever done because when I come home after work, I pick Scout up at daycare, I come home, my house is clean, the counters are wiped down, which is always like a wonderful thing to me. The dishwasher's empty, the bottles are prepped for daycare the next day at least, like I'm not coming home to complete chaos, and so that to me seems really nice.
And yeah, it just everything takes time, and you know time is your most important I guess resource and so yes, could I go on my day off to go get the birthday present for a birthday party? Yes, but maybe I want to do something else with my you know what I mean, like if I can, you know, it's fine, but like someone to go for me to drive, to go fifteen minutes to the place to get it, you know,
all of that. Just the more I can have someone help me do stuff to then ultimately spend more time with my daughter or do something for myself like run or something, it's great.
Yes, just enjoy your life more, which you fully deserve and have worked really hard for.
Yes.
Tell me about going back to work. How did that go? That reentry?
Oh my god? So going back to work. So I had a night nurse a good bit, which was great because that was really what saved me probably the first two really the first two months almost three months of her life. And so at some point financially, I was like, well, I either go back to work or I give up the night nurse. And I was like, I want the night nurse. So because that just being able to sleep
really was helpful. So going back, I think it was hard because your brain, my brain just didn't function as fast anymore. And I used to see like eleven to thirteen patients a day, and I was like, I'm gonna see three a day, and that seemed like a lot. The very first week, I was like, oh my gosh, how did I use to do this like so much faster? So I think it took a couple of weeks to just like be And also then you're also figuring out
all the logistics of your new life daycare. You know, get what time she wakes up, feeding her daycare drop off, then coming all of this stuff, and so it ended up I would say by the time so I went back right before Thanksgiving, kind of by the time we got to the new year, and now I feel much more in a routine. I'm kind of back up to
my normal volume. So I thought, I really it was just giving myself time to kind of start slow and ran it back up to my usual volume with that, because it just takes you longer to get I was like, and then figure out when you're gonna pump if you're doing that, you know, all of that, just all these new logistics. And I just told my staff when I was like making my templates for patients scheduling, said each month just come back and revisit with me before we schedule.
Open it for the new month. Is open because this is going to continue to evolve. So like, for instance, I used to start at eight, Now I started eight thirty because I get to the office still at eight. But I pumped first and then see my patience and I don't actually need a break into lunch into it's a pump. So I'm like it just like everything, I was like, just keep coming back to me because this
is going to keep evolving. But yeah, really the brain not functioning quiet, I've been ire be like how did I type notes this fast? How did I do these? You know, all of that was hard.
And that's awesome that you're at a place that allowed you to do that ramp up because unfortunately, I'm not sure that that's in a co netword medicine phenomenon.
Yeah, no, I mean I'm in a private practice which we own, like where it's physician owned. So yes, we can have that, which is really nice. That's very much a luxury. I remember thinking as I got to twelve weeks, I went back after nine weeks, twelve weeks, I would have felt pretty good. I think getting would have felt like moly, Like, okay, going back, I think sixteen weeks because at that point she was starting to sleep more
through the night. So I think, like, really, if if I were having to go back up full volume, I would have needed like sixteen weeks minimum. Really wish you'd get more maternity leaf. But that's another conversation.
Yes, that could be another edition of the podcast. I'm with you, Yes, yes, awesome. What would you say? Has been the most fun part of this journey so far and the most challenging part. Let's get both flip sides. You can start with whichever you prefer.
I think the most fun part has been seeing how excited my friends are actually for like friends and family, that is, just seeing how excited everyone was and how everyone was really interested in wanting to take part. So like, actually, two of my best childhood friends came to my induction.
They were like, can we come? And I was like, you do know, an induction takes a really long time, Like I'm thinking of this with the perspective of a former OGUIN resident, and I'm like, you want to sit on labor and delivery all day because I'm just knowing how long an induction takes and my duction started at night and they didn't come to the next day and I ended up having a C section, but they wanted to be and I was like, wow, that's so nice,
Like sure, Actually it was quite fun because after having up a dural, I just sat there and we talked all day until I ended up having a C section. So I think that has been the most like exciting
part and just everyone's overall excitement for me. Then, I think the hardest part for me has been figuring out like I have the work days figured out, but the non work days then being because I like always knew I would need help on work days, but then not having help on the non work days, I'm like, oh, I actually need to probably schedule some sort of babysitter or something so I can go on a run or go to the office if I need to or whatever. It is like acknowledging that just like if I don't
schedule it, essentially it's not going to happen. So if I don't schedule and plan for my time to run with either childcare or whatever it is, because naps are not quite solid enough yet to really know that's going to work out, then it's not gonna happen. So I think that's been the biggest challenge, is like coming to terms. I knew I was always gonna need help, but I thought, oh am I not workdays, I'll be fine. Then acknowledging like, oh no, you're gonna need help on the non work
days too. I will say the very beginning too, it was because you're changing all the diapers, right, I was like, we really know if someone else can change a diaper. But then I did think to myself, well, it would be nice to have someone else to change diapers, but it would also be worse if I had someone that I was like, can you change the diaper? And I
resent fulter to them having it, you know. So I was like, it may sound nice to say I have someone else to change a diaper, but you just don't know, you know again, how that might play out totally.
There could be complicated part that you are not having to deal with, which can be a positive. That is an awesome way to look at it, and I applaud your thought about getting some help on the weekends. I mean, on this podcast we talk about either hiring that out or figuring out some kind of swap with a co parent, but since there is no co parent, then your answer is to either a family member or a babysitter, and either way your baby will be in loving hands and
you need a break. You're gonna need a break.
So it's I mean, yeah, I mean I was like people that, like I remember as well, like which she was really I was like, gosh, you really can't stay home with it. I mean you can, but it's you'll go.
It's MinC numbing because also you're just living in this coustant three hour cycle of like eat, awake, sleep, and like all this stuff, and especially when they're like right now, she's still not quite the point where the naps are very I know exactly what it's going to happen, how long it's going to be, so on and so forth.
And the other thing too that I found really hard postpartum was like my life was so varied in terms of work, house renovation, redecorating, pregnancy, my friends, all this stuff, and now it went to just this one thing where it was like what's she going to eat? How much did she eat? Did she you know, did we you know? All this other stuff, and I think it was just like, oh my gosh, now my entire being is consumed with this one thing, and especially the newborn sleep part of it.
That to me was really hard. I knew, I didn't know that newborns were such loud sleepers, and that like and the other thing too, is all I felt like. The sleep part just continued to evolve, like for a while she could like lay on her back because she had reflug. All of that was like, just you go crazy.
It's a lot. It's a lot, and it's a lot to deal with with someone and probably even harder. I hope you have a big tribe of like online or real friends, like in real life friends, because yeah, the number of hours I spent googling some sort of looking for the internet like it was going to have some magical sleep solution on there. Yes, like it's not on there, Like I.
Bought every book, asked everyone, did your child sound leaving? How do you do this sleep training? When can you do that? And actually my daughter's kind of on the small side. She's eleven pounds sent five months, so she's kind of a petit thing. So you know, a function of it is of weight, like and when they can. But I think ultimately, like I remember I was really like like could she have acid reflex medicine or whatever. My pediatrition was like, I just don't think she needs
it like you can. But then she went through all this stuff. Me, I was like, all right, you're right, but she was like, ultimately, it just takes time. She's like, they just have to get bigger. And then and she was right, you know, I was like, you were right. And then I just remember my two month appointment also asking her when am I going to have a bed
tech again? And she was like probably around three months, and she was right about the you know, now she pretty much consistently goes about a round seven and I'm like, okay, so it's very helpful to know, Okay, it's seven o'clock, she's going to be in the bed and bed for the night. She'll probably wake up somewhere between, you know,
it's like five fifteen to six fifteen. And that to me is like, okay, at Lisa, I know that I may not no naps yet, but yeah, ultimately, like I was like, time them getting bigger and just the only cause that has changed right now essentially.
Totally, Oh my gosh, I'm having so many flashbacks. So before we close, I wanted to have you. Well two things. I hope she has to run back to daycare by the way, everyone like she literally got called that her baby is a little sick and she has to head in. So this is very reality. But any advice you would give to someone contemplating a similar journey.
I think, and this is what I tell my pages too. You have to decide, like not to side, but think about what do you want for your life. Not what you think society was for your life, or what you think is quote right, but what do you want for your life? And there's some people will say, my life will not be complete without having biologically related children or a child in some way however it comes to you, whether it's through eg donation, every adoption, but if that's
something that's important to you. I think there's a lot of things with you know, being in twenty twenty four, social media, all these things, but one good thing about it is that and I don't want to say alternative lifestyle, but just like I feel like now it's great that like this whole people live a variety of different lives or ways of living. Like it's not just like the
nuclear family of mom and dad. Two kids and all of that, Like there's so many different types of families, and overall, I think people are very accepting of that and want to help. Actually, on my street, which is crazy, two houses down is another single mom by choice that she just and she's probably her son's like ten, so she's like older, you know, like this is a very
different stage of life. So I think their thing is like I think a lot of people think it's going to be easier if I have a partner, and I'm sure there are parts of it that's easier, but I think having children is hard in general, like just hard religious like it's good and it's hard, and so I think just not letting the hard things scare you, because ultimately, what I found, like through residency, fellowship, all these things, you figure out a way to rise to the occasion,
like you just figure it out. So that and then I don't know, I don't I think, don't be like afraid of public perception because that was one of my fears, was like the fear of public perception, and no one cared really, which was good. So yeah, I think ultimately like just going if it's something you want, Like I
think my saddest patients too. I have a lot of sad patients obviously, but I think some of my saddest people that come in are like people who are like thirty eight, thirty nine, forty and they want to freeze their eggs because they haven't found the right person, but
they want to have kids. And then I'm giving them the reality statistics of like what this looks like, and they realize that, like with egg freezing, their chances while they're not zero, they aren't as good as they thought they were, and they're kind of just they're in a huge stage of grief. And so yeah, so I think ultimately like deciding knowing that for is it forever and if family is important to you, like you can make it happen.
I love it. Well with that, do you have.
To have one final point to Yeah, I have. I also tell patients or some of friends of mine as well. It's like, I think people think you have to be you must be a parent to have an impact on a child's life, and I tell people like I'd also come to terms with if I didn't have children, I have nephews, I could be a really great aunt and I could be really impactful in the lives of my nephews even without being their biologic parent. And so I think there are so many ways to be involved in
a child's life outside of biologic parenthood. And not to discount that. So, oh, that's beautiful.
Would you have a love of the week to share with our audience?
So I have a couple of things that So outsourcing is my number one. Is my like outsourcing once it became an attend Yeah, outsourcing is where I was like once it became an attending and even just very recently, I'm like, you know what, Like one of my older partners in my practice said this to me. He's like, Meggie, there are certain things that only you can do as
a reproductive This is with prospective work. He's like, and there are certain things that someone else in your practice can do for you, like colleing patients about their normal CBC. He was like, you don't need to do that. He's like, that's nice that you want to do that, but you can only do certain things. So and I think that's I look at like my life as well. There are only certain things I can do, but there are certain
things I can outsource. So I like that, and I think and to that end as well, like just making that like outsourcing slash, finding that time to do whatever it is you need for you, whether it's two to three hours, that's like like embracing help. Even if you think, like in my mind, I'm like, am I getting too much help? I'm I'm spending too much enough time with her? And it's like, no, you spend a lot of time with her. It's fine. Like if you need a babysit
for three hours, you can run, shower, do whatever. Like there's three hours, Like she might be napping for part of that. It's fine. She won't know the difference.
She will not know the difference. I guarantee it. Even if those four hours, thank you exact that window if you if you decide to train for a marathon, which we're not going to talk about on this podcast, but I love it. Those are awesome. So outsourcing, did you say you had more? Or is it just all the types of outsourcing? Is there love of the one? All the types of outsourcing? I was trying to give anything else.
I love this week. Oh I still really love like paper planning, like and you'll be I know you'll like yeakay, So that to be I really enjoy. So I have this family pad thing that I have from Sugar Paper La and that is one of my best purchases of twenty twenty four. And that's how my assistant I communicate and everything it has by day and I can make all these check marks and boxes and all the to
do lists all this stuff. But yeah, I think that is like on my love list for sure of Like I have multiple paper planning things, but that like week to week family planning pad is one of my loves of the week.
If you send me the exact link, I will it in the show notes. All of the week this week is wide let is wide leg pants because I'm just embracing the like new silhouette I feel cool and my wild life pants, Like I don't know why it took me so long, but I feel like I'm into it. So yeah, that's my love of the week. Great, I love it. Thank you so much for coming on. This
was so much fun. We have to talk more yes offline of the podcast, and maybe if we ever do like another like IVF theme show or some kind of like repro endo show, we would love to have you back to talk more about like those medical specifics you would not be the first obgi N to appear on our podcast, and we've had some ENDO chronologists as well. But you know, these are very salient topics for our listeners, So thank you again.
Thank you.
Oh and where can they find you? Where can they find you? Sorry? Last question?
Yeah, I probably changed my handle. It's MBS. Thanks. I used to have a website somehow got like hacked by some sort of Russian things. So I'll have to re figure that out. That happened right I was delivering and I was like, I don't have the brain space for this right now. So there. And then also my practice is Natural Fertility Center and that's where I see patients.
Awesome, Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Well we were back.
Sarah was interviewing doctor Meggie Smith about various aspects of fertility and her own fertility journey raising a child on her own. So coming to another related question with pregnancy and things like this, Sarah, you want to read this one?
Sure? Okay?
So this is yes, very much on theme for the episode, and it comes from a listener who says she is thirty and the podcast serves as a big sister or mentor of sorts. So I just wanted to share that part because it made me really really happy, super cool. I love having listeners actually in every part of the kind of age and career journey spectrum, because we have others who have kids out of the house. All Right, I'll get to the question, but I just thought that
was super sweet. Okay, So she writes, I am recently pregnant, but really struggling with first trimester nausea and fatigue, especially when it comes to work stamina. I work full time and I have a clinical type rule in hospital. I'm eight weeks in and I don't know how to navigate addressing these symptoms, especially at work since I haven't told anyone, and I'm extremely active and struggling with how these symptoms impact my energy and motivation to do my usual physical
activities like running and strength training. So do you and Laura have tips or old post etsc For navigating this difficult period in the first trimester when it's really symptomatic but maybe not out in the open.
Yeah, I mean, just thoughts go out to you, because the first trimester is often terrible, and this is something that I think it comes as a psychological shock to a lot of folks, because I mean, a we don't know that many people who are in their first trimesters, because a lot of people do keep it secret for various reasons, which makes sense. I mean, I've miscarried in the past, and so I understand why you don't want to tell people and then have to tell them again.
But it does, in fact feel terrible. And you've gone from being this healthy, active woman doing everything and then all of a sudden, you know, a couple weeks later, you are on your back, unable to move like half the time.
You're so tired, you're.
Nauseous, you feel awful, and I think people are just like, WHOA, like, how did this happen? Is this you know eternal? Am I now like screwed for life? And the truth is no, generally, not for the majority of people, the symptoms are going to get quite a bit better by about thirteen fourteen weeks, so you can hold out hope for then maybe you'll make yourself a little calendar, like an advent calendar of
when my symptoms will get better. Are there's some percentage of people who don't, but obviously, if you're suffering from severe nausea or something like that, you can probably get some medical treatment for that too, So consider that. As for your responsibilities, I mean, really just take it down to the stuff you absolutely have to do. You can cancel things like you can strategically take sick days if you need to. I mean, this is the time you call it in and go from there.
Yeah, I mean, if you are flat out feeling miserable, I guarantee you it's not in your head. If you're in your first trimester, like you probably really do feel terrible if you're having all those symptoms. So please be easy on yourself because you're probably a very hard worker. It sounds like you are from what you've written, and so this is a perfect time to just coast a
little to the essential. And I will address the exercise portion of this as well to tell you that it is totally okay to kind of go off and on with exercise during pregnancy. There were definitely periods where I did much, much, much less, or really even maybe stop for a week or two just because I didn't feel it and then was able to pick it back up. And really the intensity that you exercise during a pregnancy,
it doesn't matter. I mean, in retrospect, like I'm sure I sort of cared about it at the time, like, oh, I'm still running, But like if I had been inclined walking or like moving really slowly on a bike, or like, you know whatever, or it probably wouldn't have made a big difference. I mean, as long as you're doing something, what you feel up to is probably what you should be doing.
Because honestly, these.
Are probably your body signals telling you that it wants to take it a little bit easy right now. So I would honor that and don't assume it doesn't mean you won't be able to buy those a lot of negatives, but pick it back up when the second and third try come along.
Yeah. I would also say that you do have the choice to tell some people if you think that would be helpful in your situation, if you think people would be more understanding, and you're okay with the idea that if something went wrong you could go back and tell them again. But if you think it would buy you some more understanding, then it might not be a horrible
idea to tell a few trusted folks about it. And I would say, I mean, from my personal experience, if you are really, really sick, it may mean that it's really really taken. So I'm not saying things won't go wrong, but I mean and hopefully not. But that's often a sign that you're well on your way. So anyway, we're really cheering for you, hoping that everything goes well, and yeah, that you'll be back to your usual self soon enough.
Yeah.
I always said I'd rather be forty weeks pregnant than seven, So it's gonna be better.
It's gonna be better, we hope. All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. Sarah is interviewing doctor Meggie Smith about her fertility journey and freezing her eggs having a baby on her own. We will be back next week with more on making work and life fit together.
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you.
Can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.