Hi.
I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker.
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, and courtse creator. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families.
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping out long.
Term career goals.
We want you to get the most out of life.
Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
This episode is airing in early October of twenty twenty five. Sarah is going to be interviewing Kate Strickler, who is the author of the brand new book I Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchen, which is essays about comparison being content with our own lives. Sarah, maybe you can tell us all a little bit about it.
Yeah, I was really attracted to the concept of this book when I saw the title. Kate is a kind of a social media personality and a She does a lot of cooking videos and she's known as Naptime Kitchen is her brand, and she created that while her kids were really little, and she talks about struggling with comparison and how that has gotten her down in various areas of life and how she is still working through that and as someone who absolutely can fall prey.
To these same difficulties at times.
I just thought it was a fantastic topic for the book, and she does a great job talking about it in various realms of life, so from like how you look to how much money you have to what you're doing.
For work and all kinds of things.
And yeah, it's just really interesting to read it because it was done so personally. I mean, she talks about what she's actually struggling with and what she's still struggling with and what has helped, and you feel like you really get to know her.
So yeah, well that's so fascinating that she's a social media personality give and that I think social media is kind of the source of a lot of people's compare and despair. I mean, how does that work out? I mean, I know that something you've thought about in the past and actually have exited several apps because of.
She does talk about that, she does not say the answer is to get off, maybe because because.
That's how she makes her living.
Yes, I mean that's fair, that is absolutely fair. I mean she actually does probably talk about that. I'm trying to remember if she specifically talks about like not following accounts which make you feel bad. I have found that to be a fantastic tool the unsubscribe or just to quit a platform altogether. I'm going to just also say, if you decide that like reading someone's thing or listening to them isn't serving you, you can just quietly leave.
It doesn't have to be forever. It can be an experiment where you see if you miss that person's presence in your life, where you're like, huh, I actually feel better not seeing that. And also you don't have to tell them.
Also true with the creator.
I've received a couple of like people flouncing out of my website and I'm like, you could just leave, it's fine, it's fine.
Well, and like the apps don't send you a notification like so and so has stopped following you. I mean that might be interesting in it of itself, but like, no, generally they don't know at all, and so yeah, you can just quietly put a pause on it, and if you find it that you've been missing somebody's wonderful photos of children and matching outfits frolicking on the beach.
You can always follow them again. But if that thought never.
Crosses your mind once you stop seeing them, then maybe that's something to know.
Yes, for me, it's been the like running accounts. Even though I respect these creators so much and there's nothing wrong with what they're putting out there, I'm like, I don't need this for me and for you, I feel like your pain point is exactly what you just said.
It's the although I think maybe.
You just find it funny at this point, that's true, the white you just find it, Oh, this is my children, Like there are certain lines in the sand, and the matching outfits is one of them. Which is why I will never be like a big family influencer, since I think it is a requirement to show all your children like lined up in matching outfits in some sort of natural scene. I mean your husband would have to be
in it too. It's almost you'd have to hire a photographer because he can't just take it like you have to show him too.
And they have to be like white, like flat out no want linen designer outfits. We're not talking Christmas pajamas, like you got to like they humor.
Me on Christmas, Like we all get matching pajamas on Christmas, and with some grumbling, everyone will wear the matching pajamas on Christmas for like one photo and then somebody's back in a hoodie or whatever, and you know you never get it again.
But yeah, well, anyway, this book is really fun and she does talk about stuff like that and again how you can kind of empower yourself to live your own life and enjoy what you do have without being worried about keeping up with the Joneses.
So I hope you enjoy this conversation absolutely.
Well, let's hear what Kate Strickler us to say.
Well, I am so excited to be here with Kate Strickler, the author of I Just Wish I had a bigger kitchen and creator behind Naptime Kitchen.
Welcome Kate to the show.
Thank you, thank you so much for having me. Happy to be here.
So I loved reading your book, which is all about the comparison trap as Laura and I just talked about, and I am just wondering, Well, first, I guess give our listeners some of them probably know you from the various socials that you're on because you are kind of big. But just in case they don't give us a little hint of your career journey as it's looked so far and kind of where you are with everything.
Absolutely.
So. My name is Kate Strickler. I am a mom of four mary Tonate. We live in Charleston, South Carolina, and almost ten years ago, really, which sounds so wild, I started Naptime Kitchen, which was never meant to be any It was just a place to post recipes I was making, and really just a creative outlet in a season where I was really lacking in creativity. My son was napping twice a day, I was stuck at home a lot, and so I just kind of channeled my.
Energy into cooking.
And it's funny because at the beginning the recipes were like way more elaborate because it was like, hey, I have this whole nap time, and I was really leaning into the nap time cooking, like you cook while this baby's asleep, because you can't cook at five PM when.
The baby's screaming and attached to you.
And then over time, so we now have four children and it's like overtime as each child joined the recipes.
Just it was an inverse relationship.
So it went from like, here's something beautiful homemade to like, let me show you what I threw at a crockpot with a jar of sauce.
So and both are useful for different phases of our lives.
We one hundred percent get it.
I've got three kids, Laura has five, so we are right there with you.
Yeah, that is awesome.
And so this journey kind of I mean, let's just be honest, like, You've had some awesome success in the social media space, which is really really cool, and now you've written a book. So what has it been like for this to become your career.
Yes, well it really was pretty slow, and so it wasn't something that like overnight happened, but just this kind of slow realization of like, wow, okay, people are following along with this, and then like a year would go by and I'd be like, wow, like a lot more people are following along with this, and then I like, remember when I got paid to do something for the first time, and I was like, oh my gosh, because before that, like somebody would send me like a bag of almonds and I.
Would be like, this is amazing. I can't believe I got a free bag.
Of almonds as a veil, you know, just so funny. And so it took a long time for me to kind of come to terms with the fact that it was a career, like that this could be something that would be a job and be sustainable. And I think it helped me when I started to name it as that, because then I could start to be like, Okay, this is work, Like I need to set aside time for this, I need to give a certain amount of energy to this,
all of those sorts of things. But I don't even know if I answered your question fully, but that's kind of where just slowly over time, it wasn't this like overnight decision. But then probably well when Alberta was born, so that would have been, like, you know, I was like six years in at this point. That's when it really started to be like, Okay, I think this is really something that I could build on if I was given a little more time to do.
So that's so cool. And then your husband ended up joining in. I think that must have been a pivotal moment as well.
That was really pivotal, and you know, it's funny because he works with me, he does his own stuff on the side, like he's still a practicing attorney, so he can still do law for people. He really has found like a niche kind of in my market of doing law for other creators, just kind of understands how the contracts were, like because able to you know, be helpful in that regard for people. But at first it was definitely he needed like a clean break, like he couldn't
just go part time for his firm. It just didn't work that way. So for the first few months it was like a very clean break of like Nate no longer works at this law firm or he was doing in house at that not that it matters, but that was like a pretty big like Okay, this is like our schedule is really different, and Nate is very really pretty organized and like wants to understand how the days are going to go.
So he wasn't like, hey, let's just like see.
He was like, okay, I want to know like when you expect to be working, when I should expect to be working, Like let's create some sort of schedule. So he really spearheaded kind of like what our days would look like, which was good for me because I needed that.
That is super interesting kind of behind the scenes stuff. And I love how both of you ended up kind of doing what we call on the show sometimes career crafting. You know, it's like it's evolved slowly, but you're like, yeah, let me lean into this because I'm really good at that, and let me develop this niche. And it worked out
so well well with all the success. I guess what I was leading up to is then you write a book that's like, and yet I can't stop comparing myself to everyone else in all of these realms, and I one hundred percent get it. I am like, I one hundred percent get it. But I also want you to talk about kind of like, well, how did you realize that? And how can that be true when you're someone who objectively has just done so incredibly well in life.
I know, you know, I think partly it is just like part of the human condition that we just do this to ourselves. I always think of that. I'm pretty sure it was C. S. Lewis that was like envy doesn't want the most, It just wants more than the other person, you know, or it was it pride or arrogance or whatever. It's like it just wants to be above the other people, and our hearts are so bent
towards that. And online is a space that I really love and I love the connection, but unfortunately it gives you like a view into way more people's lives than you would ever have on a normal basis. So I think that there was kind of a perfect, a perfect coming together. I don't even want to call it a storm, because I feel like a storm's kind of a negative term.
But I was in a place where I was able to kind of share vulnerably if I was having a hard time with something, and then because I was online, I would receive hundreds of DMS back of people.
Being like, wow, I feel that way too, Like I can't. I didn't.
One, I can't believe you feel that way, Kate. I would have never imagined that you would feel that way. And two like, man, thanks for like saying that, because I have felt really alone in it or you know, whatever it is.
And so I.
Started to almost have this like test case where I was like, Okay, every time I share something like this, there is like a huge response, and every time, like much bigger than other things that I would share, you know, just this kind of like desire. I think that especially as women, we have to just know we're not alone, that other people are feeling these things, matched with kind of like a guilt. I was feeling of like, gosh, I shouldn't be feeling this way, I should just be
happy and grateful all the time. But I have never met a woman who has been that way. You know, like, normally there's something that has to intersect in your life to make you realize how good you have it, Like something bad happens and you're like, gosh, I can't believe I took that for granted. But on a daily basis, I think that the struggle for contentment and the struggle against comparison is just like very living an act.
I totally can see that, and it's almost like on a smaller scale we have that struggle, even if on a larger scale like we know, we know, oh my gosh,
we are so lucky. I'm sitting here in a climate controlled environment, like wearing clothes, I don't have to worry about where my next meal comes from, like, and yet it doesn't stop the fact that when somebody else tells you about their kid doing something amazing, you're like, oh, maybe mine didn't do that, And I feel a certain way, and there's something very human there and something so honest, and I love I think what you're getting out with the responses, like you hit a nerve and the fact
that you were willing to share vulnerably because this book is pretty is pretty raw in some of these chapters, and I love that in a lot of these different areas, I think is just really really valuable because I don't think there's just that many people putting themselves out there like this.
Thanks.
It's funny because during the writing process, I think I was just so in it that I was doing it. Like a month before the book came out. I was like, oh my gosh, everyone is about to read this.
What did I do? And I'm so great. It's like you know, but I was like, oh, gosh, okay, here it is.
We're doing this.
It's in boxes, it's going to bookstores, all right.
But seriously, I'm so glad you did. We're going to take a quick break and then we're going to start delving into some of those specific areas that you talk
about in your book. All right, we are back, and we were just talking about Kate's vulnerability and how she really delved into multiple areas where I think many of us tend to compare and despair, and she goes into detail about like what in this area has been hard and then has some solutions of like what has been helping And Kate, I love how you you're never like and this is the answer You're like and this is still a continued process. Yeah, because I guess you know
this is going to be human nature. It's going to be a forever thing. But let's dive into the first place. And I'm going to go with the title, So Home, I wish I had a bigger kitchen. Earn my case, I wish I had a beautifully organized, minimalist home. Go tell me about your struggles and some of the things you've done to counteract them.
Yes, so the home chapter really, like the bigger kitchen title really was very honest, because so funny. I've been on Instagram and so often cooking in like an interior kitchen, like I have no great lighting, I don't have a big island, I don't have ample storage, and so really I would be like, oh.
I really just wished I had a biker kitchen.
But I think that the kitchen so much like for so many people, just exemplifies this like level of peace kind of for you, like you were saying a minimalist tone, you like, look at someone who has that home and you just think, like, man, their life is so simple, they're probably so happy. Everything about their life is probably
better than mine. You just kind of create this whole narrative based off of, like it's so funny to say, but based off of like a clear kitchen island that I could believe, like this whole narrative for somebody based off of that. But I think our homes, I hope not. You know, I really try in this chapter not to do a disservice to the home, like not to say it shouldn't matter, because I think it actually deeply, deeply matters,
Like it quite literally houses you. You know, it is where you see spend probably more time than anywhere else. But I think that we really have got to reframe what we see our homes as. And so I think about even my little girls playing with like a Barbie dollhouse. They don't just sit the Barbie in the dollhouse, they play with the Barbie in the dollhouse, like they move it around, and they move the furniture around and they make it whatever they need it to be for what
their barbies are doing. And I think sometimes we think of our homes as like something that we're just gonna sit in and not touch and have be beautiful all the time. But really it's such a working mechanism in our house. Like everything, it's like it needs to be moving.
I think furniture, there are seasons where your furniture should move, you know, like you're gonna do something with You're gonna have a playroom for a while, and then eventually you're gonna be like, you know what, our kids don't need a playroom anymore. How could we use this space differently? Or your basement was used for something and now you're like, you know what, the kids are older, we could really use like a pool table down here. How do we
change this space for our season of life? And so seeing your home that way is like, how is this a tool that serves our family versus this like Christine building that we just try and like maneuver our lives around.
Like a symbol or something like yes, yes, agreed as.
A human yes exactly.
I also feel like when we see examples of others' homes, we're either seeing them curated spaces on social media, or even when you're invited to someone's house, unless it's like your best friend, you're probably getting the best possible version of their house.
Yeah, and that probably doesn't help.
I'm guessing no.
And it's funny because in my real life when I walk into my friends' houses, I see the whole picture. You see, even if they're like countertop is clean, they have a corner.
Everybody's got a corner.
Everybody has a place they're trying to like shove the mail and that thing they need to return, and that tupperware they got to get to somebody, and the short that didn't fit that they got to get back to the store. Like everybody has that somewhere. I think you see it so much more in real life, and so we have to like fight online remember that those corners exist in the same way, we just might.
Not see them.
So your advice would be to think of your home in terms of its utility and in terms of the living that you're doing in it and its function, and then also pay attention to when you can get a taste of what other people's real environments look like.
Yes, I would definitely pay attention when you go to other people's homes.
And just see like and see the different way.
Like I would be very open minded, like how do they deal with shoes by the door? What systems do they have in place? But I think there is a place for utility and like beauty to meet. But I think very often we sacrifice utility for beauty and then we get super frustrated at ourselves or at the people that live in our home that are like, listen, I'm sorry,
I just got to put my shoes somewhere. And so I know you want this beautiful table by the front door that has like a few pictures on it, but like we might really need some shoe bins, you know, like whatever it is that, we've got to find a way for those things to marry or else you'll drive yourself crazy.
Totally, all right.
The next area we're going to talk about is the I just Wish I was a better mom chapter. We have definitely talked on this podcast about mom guilt and the phenomenon how there's not a lot of dad guilt or parenting guilt, and yet it's just so innate. Actually, of the two hosts of the show, Laura is much better at not succumbing to mom guilt, I think compared to me, and even when I logically know it doesn't belong there, like my kids' lives are awesome objectively, I
just sometimes have it anyway. Yeah, And I think you do too, despite having like four kids and so much time that you spend with them. So where does this come from, do you think? And how can we best fight it?
I think a lot of the times that it comes from like a good place. It comes from a desire to be there for our children. But I think that as humans, like we just have limits and so we cannot Like it's you can't have a home that is perfectly clean and a meal that is made and snuggle your child during their nap time because during nap time was when you were either going to clean or you were going to prep dinner.
Like you can't do it all.
And so that's where I think that we can get really down on ourselves. But it's normally something that I've been thinking a lot about this year. It's been coming up a lot. Is like accepting capacity. And I think when we can accept capacity. It really can help alleviate some of that guilt because it's not you should be doing it all, but it's like, you know what you can't, like, where can your capacity go today? So that is something
I've been thinking about a lot. And then specifically with my kids, I've really been trying to show them that I enjoy my job and that I enjoy them, and that in doing two things, sometimes you just have to make a choice. Like sometimes you want two desserts on the dessert menu and you pick one of the two. And I feel very lucky that I do enjoy my job like ninety nine percent of the time. But I want my kids to see a mom who made sacrifices to be with them but also made sacrifices for our
family in terms of work. That like, that was that that's something I'm doing also for our family, and it's not.
Like this awful thing like that they could have a job they.
Love and a family they love, and they if they do, they won't be at everything always, but that's okay. That that's like a very natural and kind of good consequence, Like you're just you can't be in two places, and that's okay.
I love that and even playing the thought experiment that you didn't have a job just because you have four kids. Remember that you can always be in two places, like you might have to miss kid A's game because.
You're at kid Be's games.
So yeah, the capacity be question applies no matter where you are in life. Although on the show, of course, we love that you are making work in life fit together in that way and that you're really enjoying both.
So I love that, And I think when you frame it as teaching your kids about capacity, it's like, you know, whenever you tell your you're so much more kind to
somebody other than yourself. And so I think if you're teaching your child like, hey, I get it, like you want to do two things and you just can't, Like how healthy to model that to them, versus like I can do it all all the time, Like that's a pretty hard standard to have and to So I think it's healthy for them to see your humanity, your limits, like those kinds of things. So I think you're teaching something really valuable when you show them that the choices.
Yes, I love that.
All right, we're going to take another quick break and then we're going to get to the category of friends
and fomo. All right, we are back and we are going through some of the vulnerable categories that Kate shared about in her book I just wish I had a bigger kitchen in terms of comparison, and one of the chapters that I really liked was about friends or just feeling like I wish I had better friends or I was in a more cohesive group, and definitely appreciated some of the examples you used about, like you thought you were good and then you saw somebody else on their girls'
chep and were like, oh, I wasn't invited to that, And yeah, I guess would you say that this is a category that's harder today with social media out there.
I think so much harder, And unfortunately, I don't think the majority of people are trying to be hurtful in any way. They're just sharing something fun. And you just noticed that there was a group together, especially if you don't know the backstory of.
Like maybe they just both showed up to the beat.
Maybe they just decided that they were both going to go to the beach and then they happened to be there at the same time. But you think, oh, they planned it, they planned it and they thought to themselves, let's not invite Kate, you know, like or even I, you know, especially now, like we have lots of friends that are turning forty and doing fun things for forty. It's and it's like you just can't have a two
hundred person party. And really, if you want to go out to dinner, it's really hard to make a reservation for more than like ten people. And so there are there are like limiting circumstances that are going to leave people out that I just don't think are ill intentioned.
It's just kind of like unfortunate. That's just how life is. But a lot of the times, if you see.
It on social media, you don't have any of the backstory there, and then you just you might not have ever known it was going to happen, but now you know.
It did happen, and you see who's together.
And so I think that this is an area that unfortunately is a real unfortunate negative of social media. And I don't know, I don't know a good I don't know a way around it. I don't know how to make it better. But I feel very sensitive to it, especially probably because of my following and because I know I have lots of friends that follow me. I feel so sensitive to like what if I have girls over and a picture is posted and somebody else sees it and they just feel like they weren't.
Included and I don't even know who they are.
In my head right now, I'm like, who would it be that I forgot to include? But so it would have never been ill intention towards that person. It would have just been probably an oversight. But I get very, very fearful of just people feeling left.
Out totally, And so what would you say is the best way to get over this?
One?
Just more like remember to if there's someone who I hang out with, like make that happen that you have agency to invite that persons.
One. I think agency is huge.
I think like if you're really wanting to like have a fun dinner out and you're like wallow in.
And I'm like, send a text, get a date on the calendar.
With some friends, and like be the instigator in that situation, and then I you know, it's funny that sounds because I actually talk about this in the husband chapter, but I would really fight to give people the benefit of the doubt that it was probably not something deeply against you. It could have so easily been a capacity thing and oversight or something that wasn't even planned to begin with that just happened, you know, like very spontaneously, and you
just happen to not be there. And then I think, like, at the end of the day, it's just you.
You have to kind of be okay in who you are.
And I think that friendship especially can feel so tender and so scary because you're wondering.
Am I not liked? Like was I not included?
And I would say if it's something that is like a pattern or something that you're feeling hurt by, I would We're at the age where I'm like, we got to have these conversations, Like if there's somebody that you're consistently feeling hurt by, I'm like, man, you should probably have a conversation with them. Like we just got to at our age either, you know, you got to push
through it and have the kind of conversations. And I think I would say that a lot of my closest friends are people that I have had hard conversations with over the years, And I think sometimes we believe friendship is.
Just easy all the time, but I.
Think friendship is a lot like marriage, Like you're going to say something that hurts someone, there's going to be something that's miscommunicated, and so as much as you can, like I think it is, if someone were to come to me and want to talk to me about something, I would see that as like, Wow, they really value me. They didn't just decide like let's just cut her out, like I'm just not even going to mess with it anymore.
It's like, no, I want to work through this. And so I guess I would say if you're in like a season of repetitive hurt feelings or fomo feelings.
Like I would one make your own magic.
Out there, but two like, if it's a specific thing, gosh, life is too short, like I would really I would encourage you to conversation.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Yeah.
I mean I think we don't see those messy parts of friendship on social media with the gaping, So you just need to go a layer deeper, and I think your friendships are probably going to benefit as a result anyway, or you'll find out it's time to move on and that's okay.
Yeah, as you.
Said, life is short, all right. Next section, Kate I didn't know what you look like. I'll be honest, I actually don't look at any social media. So I'm reading this chapter.
You were objectively beautiful.
I mean, you talk about looks and body image and all that stuff, and you do admit that, like, you get it that sometimes coming from certain people with certain body types talking about body image can come off certain ways, and I like that you were sensitive to that. But I also get it, man, you have to also live in a world where you are presenting yourself physically every day and where a lot of people are using a lot of filters and surgery and god knows what, and
we're expected to look their until we're seventy. So this is an area that's really really tough, and I think especially so when you're comparing yourself to face as you see online.
Tell me about how you've handled that.
Yes, well, I give some like practicals in the book of just things that I've noticed over the years that are really helpful for me. And so it's funny because I am like, I just try not to look at mirrors all the time, which is so funny, but I really do think that, like every time you look in a mirror, you're just reminded of what you look like. And so if I don't look in the mirror all the time, I'm just like not as like super aware of what I look like all the time, which for
me is just kind of helpful. But it's funny because I being on social media, I'll go some days where I like don't get on stories, but then other days I'm like, oh my gosh, I looked at myself like thirty times in my phone because I was on Instagram. So I think that I do have like a sensitive place for people that are showing their faces online a lot, because I do think that you're just you're like, oh my teeth look more yellow, or am I I'm there?
I think I should get into aligne like whatever it is, or I wish I had longer eyelashes, like whatever.
The thing is.
But I think this is an area specifically where if you can kind of like learn things that trigger you, it can be really helpful. So for me, again, like I just was like I don't need to like look at my full body in a mirror all the time, which is very very popular on social media. It's kind of like everybody has mirrors, like big mirrors like in your We did not grow up where you had big mirrors around everywhere. But I feel like it's like an art statement piece.
Now, yeah, it's thirteen year old, I must have a full length mirror that I can pose in front of. But you're right, I wonder, like that's not actually natural.
No.
I remember going to my mom's room like to look at like if I had something, I would go to her bathroom because she had a full length mirror. But it was like not this big part of Now they're like beautiful, like thousand dollars or Nate mirrors that you're putting in your house is like a piece.
Of art almost.
So I don't know that was a little bit of a tangent, but I think learning what it is that like is triggering to you, and what is the belief that you're kind of struggling with is really valuable and getting a little deeper kind of like in the friendship part. I'm sorry, guys, I'm telling you you have to go deeper in some of these, but like kind of digging up, like what am I believing about myself? What am I believing is true about beauty?
You know?
What's the rub here?
And then there's this quote that I read recently nine I per sent. Sure it was by Laura Whiffler, but she was just saying, whenever you start to feel this way, you should just go out into the world.
And it's so funny, but it is.
When you go out, like I'm just talking, like, go to the grocery store, go to like your local park, and you're just you're kind of brought back to like, Wow, there are so many types of people, with so many different hair colors and skin colors and body types. And actually ninety percent of people are not a size too blonde with flawless skin that you're believing is true, you know, like you're believing that that's what everyone is and that's
why I am not enough. But when you go out into the world, it's like, actually, that is so inaccurate. It's so inaccurate. So I think she in the last six months has posted that. It's just something I've thought was like such a rich wisdom of like it's so doable, like a grocery store.
No, it's a render.
There's like not one way to look and there's so many ways to look good too. It's so many different ways to look good that may not be what immediately comes to mind, so.
And I the sorry to cut you off. The final thing I will say is when I think about the people that I care about the most and have just loved the most fondly, what they look like is not in the top fifty things that I think about them.
It's so interesting. And when I think about like how.
They make me feel things that they've done for me, like nothing is ever attached to their body that makes sense. That's a really good reset for me of just like it is so not what is most important.
Love that We're going to do one more category because we cannot leave comparison without a classic discussion of keeping up with the Joneses. And you have a great chapter in there about money, which I think is so interesting to think about, Tangent. I'm reading Die with Zero right now, So just like lots of money stuff on my mind, and how people use money and how defying conventions about
how one might choose to use money. But the truth is money is a tool and beyond enough, everything else is like relative whether you think you're doing awesome or whether you think you are just feeling destitute, has so much more to do with like who's next to you than it does with any actual reality. And yet again, social media but also sometimes real life can give us
all kinds of signals. So I am super interested, like what are I don't know, what are some of the ways you come across this and how do you get over that? And how do you teach to your kids? Because I'm going to be honest. One struggle I have right now is that a couple of my kids go to a school where, I mean, our family does very nicely, but we are in the lower half of the income spectrum at said school. So the perspective is very skewed, and I would like to make sure that that does
not become a very faulty view of the world. That it's like normal to have, you know, fifteen sports cards or something like that.
Yeah, no, I think that is so true. Our kids are still pretty young.
Like the only brand that they I think can recognize at this point is Nike. Is like they notice if people have Nikes at school and they go to a public school, And I just think that has been helpful. It has like the most loose, pointless uniform. It's like wear a blue or pink shirt, like it doesn't that's not correct. But it's like it just doesn't even really
make sense. Their their uniform policy, but I think that it allows for like a ton of different But even at my school I was growing up, we had a uniform. But I'll tell you what, you better have been wearing cool shoes. It's like we fit, we find a way to like make our give.
Ourselves some sort of standard that we must reach.
It's like we were head to toe identical, but who had cool shoes? Like it's so funny that we do that. And I was before social media too, so you know, like even at a young age at my high school, I cared that I was wearing the cool shoes. And so I think that with our you know, as much as we can just help them to see what's important.
And I think it's I think it's a coming of age thing that they're just looking for where they fit in and so and money, like you said, it's a tool to purchase things that help them feel like they're fitting in at the end of the day. And so it's probably more like an identity thing for them of like helping them see like where does their worth come from? How do you feel about them? And maybe even the exercise I was saying of like, hey, who are your friends?
Are you friends with.
Them because they wear Nike shoes? Or are you friends with them because of how they treat you? You know, like very simple concepts that I think are probably tangible for.
A kid, but in adults.
Golly, this chapter was It was pretty hard to write because I really wanted to be sensitive to just there are people that I think are like I mean, right now,
groceries are expensive. Everything feels expensive, and so I did not want to discount any of those things at all, But I did really want to speak to the person that is just constantly feeling like if I just had a little more money, I would be happy if I could buy that whatever that thing is, Like you were saying, like keep up with the Joneses, And if I could just keep up with the Joneses, then I would be happy. And I think our environment is huge, like the same
way for your kids in school. The environment that you're in can really lead you to feel whether you have enough or if you're lacking, Like whether you feel like you're in the upper tier of the houses in your neighborhood or the lower tier of the houses in your neighborhood. And how that can skew what enough is for you. And so we talk a lot and I stole this from Morgan Household. He talks about like the goalposts and always moving the goal posts.
To just have a little bit more.
But I think there's probably like a really honest conversation that you have to have of like what is enough for us? What is enough for our family? How do we feel and what is it that we're just wanting because we feel like we need to keep up in some way or another.
Totally.
One thing I was thinking about is like, put yourself in your shoes when you were twenty and think about what you have today and be like, wouldn't your twenty year old self have been like wow, yeah, probably in most cases, right, And then it's like, okay, well, then maybe that bracelet I.
Wanted really wouldn't be that big a deal because look.
At what I already have. I don't know, It's just one thing I was thinking about.
I remember going to Target and being like very mich budgeted, like walking and being like, oh, if only I could get that new like fall pillow, you know, yes, and now like I could, I would if I wanted a fall pillow which is so funny because now I don't want the fall pillow, but if I did, like it, would You're right, it would be like I would be like, yeah, I could get the fall pillow, like just the luxury of that, when like ten years ago I would have
like salivated over the twenty dollars fall pillow.
Yeah, you know it is. It's funny.
Oh my gosh.
Well we got deep today, and I hope that listeners are excited to get even deeper by checking out your book. So tell everyone where they can find you, including the name of your book.
And I also have to know if is.
There going to be a nap Time Kitchen cookbook, because I was like, I'm assuming there's also a cookbook and there's not yet.
No, there's not yet. I don't know. I don't know. I go back and forth a lot on a cookbook.
I really love writing, and not that you don't write in a cookbook, but I don't know. I wish I had a better answer for you right now. I'm like, oh, gosh, don't even ask me about another book. Oh but I do. I have recipes on my blog, so I am Naptime Kitchen on Instagram. My blog is Naptime Kitchen dot Com. And then the book is I just wish I had a bigger kitchen and otherwise I think will make me happy.
And it's such a fun read. You guys, I really enjoyed it. Thank you, thank you so much, so much for coming on, Kate. This has been a pleasure.
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Well we are back. That was a wonderful interview. Sarah interviewing Kate Strickler, author of the book I just wish I had a bigger kitchen about comparison than how we can deal with that.
In our own lives.
So this question comes from a listener who says, I just listened to the episode about trips with friends, and I'm inspired. I do have a trip planned in September to travel with a friend to Croatia for a wedding.
My husband decided it would be too much to try.
To take our six and three year old on such a long trip, not to mention the be in school at that point, so my husband's staying with the kids. I'll be away for almost nine days. My husband and my mom and his mom are all chipping in. The kids are going to be fine and well cared for.
Clearly.
She says, I'm actually more worried about myself. I've never been away from my kids this long. My question is should I try to FaceTime them regularly? Would it be better to just send love messages through my husband? How would you handle this, Sarah?
What do you think?
Oh? Well, first of all, I just have to say the fact that we helped inspire this makes me so happy. Or maybe you were already planning it, but now you just feel better about doing it.
Either way, that works too.
I love it.
We're happy anyway.
If you have a fantastic trip.
I think I would kind of like go in the middle ground and be like, let's plan on a FaceTime on this day, this day, and this day, not every single day, because probably those facetimes will induce some emotions and I don't know that they need to be stirred up on a daily basis, but maybe if they have a few days to look forward to, that would be good.
And I definitely think this is an occasion where like bringing home trinkets, promising trinkets, talking about what you're bringing home, like surprises, whatever, Like maybe you're gonna give them a hint at each FaceTime, like why not that will kind of turn this into something that might be a little bit fun for them. My own memories of my dad going on work trips is basically like, what what did he bring me?
So in that suitcase? As soon as he gets home? Right, what's and then it worked?
Is so why not?
Yeah? Exactly?
So I have a slightly different take, and this is from being a parent who has been home with small children while my husband has been away on international business trips for significant periods of time, which is that whether or not you FaceTime should be one hundred percent up.
To your husband.
Oh that makes right, okay, And because there is nothing worse than having an evening where you are trying to run solo and get the kids to do what they're trying to do at the time you want them to do it, and they're happy, and then the other parent is expecting to talk to them and everything is messed up, right, Like,
it just is aggravating. So I would say, if he wants to FaceTime you because it works in the run of show that he is doing, then that is fine, and you could try to make sure you take that call whenever it is. Now, remember there's going to be a huge time difference here, like you're five six hours six hours yeah ahead in Eastern Europe, So there are.
Limited times where this is even going to work.
If the kids are in school and then they're going to bad at like eight o'clock at night like this, you know, because that window when they are available is ten pm to three am.
You know it's not going to work, right.
But that said, so, if he does decide and you want to take it, that would be fine, but you should not necessarily initiate it at a time that is convenient for you and expect him to pick up and make it happen.
All right. That sounds maybe a little bit harsh, but uh no, that totally makes sense.
I can see that I haven't experienced this personally really because I guess Josh to go to Germany once for a work trip, but generally, like this just isn't part of our day to day reality. But maybe you could meld the two by sending little videos where you talk about the presence you're gonna bring home that he could play at his leisure.
That's true, And if.
He thinks it would be helpful to have the video for mommy, awesome, if he thinks in any given moment that that would be the worst thing in the world to have the video.
For not care that just not show it right totally.
That would be a perfect way to get a mix between this.
Yeah, you can send notes.
If your six year old can read, then obviously you know, if he texts those through your husband they can read. He can again show them to the six year old at his convenience and you can have that communication that way. And yeah, bringing home presence is a great idea. Love it all right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. Sarah has been interviewing Kate Strickler about how I.
Just wish I had a bigger kitchen.
We will be back next week with more on making work in life fit together.
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram.
And you can find me Laura at Laura vander com. This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.