If you've ever had this freak out moment where you go to hit posts and you freeze, you have this fight or flight response. or you want to so badly introduce yourself to someone and tell them you're a coach and you just are afraid to put yourself out there, then this episode is one you don't want to miss. because I'm going to talk about how to feel safe about being seen and really putting ourselves out there so that our business can grow into the dream that we have for it.
Heya, I'm Amanda, and welcome to the Best Damn Coach Podcast, where I will teach you how to coach yourself, how to coach your clients, and how to run your coaching business. The number one goal of this show, though, is to help you be the best damn coach you can be so your clients go out and tell the world about you. Let's do the damn thing.
Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, I want to share an amazing opportunity we have when you join the best damn coach right now. And the BDC is what we affectionately call it. is a signature community, our signature community for coaches who want to grow their businesses, who want to be more profitable, and who care about the results they deliver to their clients. We focus on the art of building a business. and becoming a coach who really knows how to facilitate results.
and give their clients what we call a surprise and delight experience. And there's a lot of coaching programs out there, totally get to, bombarded with ideas. But what makes us different is that... We have an opportunity for you to ask open questions every month in two office hour sessions that we host. It is me coaching you live.
And you have the support of the community. And then each month, I'm also teaching themes. So each month, I change the theme. And we focus on different elements of either coaching mastery or profitability inside of your business. There's really no other coaching program out there like this one. And I've built it because it's exactly what I wish I had. when I was in the beginning few years of making my first six figures. And that's really our goal is that we're going to give you a roadmap.
to building a coaching business that could bring in six figures and beyond if that's something you are desiring, which I know most of you are. And so right now, when you join, we are offering something that we've never done before. And some of our new people that are joining are absolutely obsessed with that. And when you join, you get access to... the Framework Builder Lab. So you get access to really two of our signature programs where I'm going to help you build out your signature framework.
And if you've already done that and you're like, yeah, I've already done that, Amanda, you could come in and repeat that if you want in a different and unique way or to maybe tighten up the framework. But here's the one that is really the sweet sauce is when you join right now, you will get direct access to me via 60. days of voxer access and if you're not familiar with voxer it is a basically a texting and walkie-talkie back and forth one-to-one experience so literally you come into the program
And you get to pick my brain and be supported. And I get to help you know exactly what to do next. which is the most powerful part. And I was like, I'm going to give this a go and see how it goes. And our folks that have joined recently are loving it. So if you're curious about the BDC, you want to know more, you just want to hop on the phone with me. I've carved out space over the next basically few weeks.
to answer any of your questions we can hop on a call and chat more and so the way you can access that is by hopping on my calendar which is amanda-walker.com forward slash Let's Chat, L-E-T-S-C-H-A-T. It'll give you all the open spots. Grab one. Let's hop on the phone. I'd love to tell you more about the BDC and make sure it's a great fit for you as well. Welcome to the Best Damn Coach Podcast. It's Amanda. Happy...
Tuesday, as this officially comes out, but whatever day of the week you're listening to, it's perfect. I'm really proud and excited of this episode because I've prepared some great content for you that is inspired by the Best Damn Coach community. Try to keep a really good pulse on. what is needed, where they're feeling stuck. And I found some like consistent themes emerging. And we dedicated an entire month to doing a lot of internal work over the course of April or so. And I felt like, okay.
I know the listeners definitely need to hear what I'm going to say in today's episode. Today is entirely focused on helping you feel confident and safe to be seen. Because we can teach all the strategy. I can give you a crystal clear roadmap. I can coach you inside of sessions.
But if you don't get out in front of the people, then your coaching business is going to do nothing. It's going to be failure to launch or it's honestly, it's not even that it's not going to be nothing. It's just not going to, you're not going to.
like that you were put on this earth to do. You are going to be able to reach the human beings that need what you have to offer. You are not going to be able to look back with a strong sense of pride and say, like, I gave it all I got and I built this thing. And I'm telling you, there is something so cool, magical and like. just powerful about building something out of nothing and building this business into something that really impacts human lives and lives.
key ingredient to that success is you have to go out and be in front of people. And so today I want to devote the conversation to this. And I think what this symptomatically might look like in your life is this. You're not posting content. And if you do, maybe it's just like Canva templates or it's pictures of anything but you. You're not showing up in maybe stories, or if you do, it's pictures of everything but you.
Or you're posting and then you're ghosting because you do it one time and they're like, ah, your nervous system goes freaky and then you don't come back to it. Or you might like pitch one time to something and then never show up and pitch again. I think this also looks like you're doing kind of the sexy tasks, but nothing that really requires risk. You're meeting people that you know might need your help, but you're never even talking about the fact that you have a coaching business.
You're going to networking events, but you're like a fly on the wall. Yeah, I think that these are all just symptoms of externally of what not feeling ready or safe to be seen might look like. And here's the thing. If you don't show up for your ideal client, they will not find you. And then all this work that you've been doing behind the scenes is truthfully for nothing. And I don't believe that's what you're meant for. And so if we were to like unpack this, I think a little bit.
And do a little like CBT work, right? Cognitive behavioral work on this. I think like we can ask ourselves, like, why aren't we showing up? Right. What's the thing underneath not posting, hiding our face, not doing the things we say we're going to do. And here's some things I suspect. And you can nod your head along as I share them. is I think we're fear of being rejected.
We're fearful that the people closest to us are going to be like, who dis, right? All of a sudden this girl was doing this thing and now she's over here talking about this thing. Is she really qualified? And will the people closest to us reject this version of us? Or will just like bystanders be trolly on us and say things that make us feel rejected and like we are not qualified? I think that loops right into this idea of fear of judgment.
that maybe we'll share something that somebody disagrees with and we feel like we're wrong. Or people feel like they have more qualified on paper-ness. And so we feel like people are going to judge us. Or maybe our friends are going to judge us. Or our friends or our family are going to judge us. Another thing that I think is often underneath this is the fear of being right, or I would also say wrong. Like, is my way really the right way?
Even though you know you have this experience and what works for you, there's also this kind of, for me, what I see it as like as the battle of the academics that might see it differently when behavioral or lived experience wise, you know that this works for you. And I think it's also just fear of not being enough of an expert.
Like, do I really know my stuff? Or I think a common one that we can all is like the fear of not being worthy of the success, right? The fear of really what if I put myself out there and what if this thing really does work? Oh my goodness, what's that going to take? What's going to be demand? More people are going to have eyes on me. And I just want to say, you are not alone.
that nobody doing what you desire to do hasn't felt these feelings, either all of them or at least most of them at some point. I know I have a hundred percent. I'll go back to my example. I was the girl who the first year of business when I finally started social media, I should say, it was like the third year of business when I finally created a social media account.
All it was was pictures of food for a year because I was so afraid to show up my face because what if people judge me? What were they going to say about me? So for me, the fear of judgment was probably the most heavy for me, but it might be something different for you. But the cool thing about that is knowing that there's plenty of examples of people that have created success despite having those fears. And so you can just look around and look at people that are doing it anyway.
And today I want to share some strategy. I'm going to give you an actual framework, because that's what I do, to help you move out of whatever it is that's keeping you from being seen. And also just acknowledge that this is part of the issue stopping you. I also don't want to disqualify something that's coming up in this conversation of like, we're all bringing to the table stuff that has happened to us in life, like traumas, big T's, little T's, all the things.
And I don't want to disqualify any of that leading up to this point, because that could be and is likely part of some of those fears that exist. You know, talk a lot about like a childhood thing that I had with some friends who. showed up at school in the sixth grade with a letter that read Amanda Hayter's Anonymous Club and they had
decided at a weekend sleepover that I wasn't included in that they were no longer going to be my friends and listed all of the reasons. And as an 11 or 12-year-old, that was pretty devastating. So you betcha. Part of the reason I'm afraid of or have fear is fear of judgment from women. Because what if I'm this thing? And what if I'm extra? And what if people, of course. So I think that.
To some degree, we all are bringing that to the table. I wanted to, though, put my coaching hat on and remind you that those are just circumstances. And that's not to disqualify. But the reality is those are past circumstances. And the only way they impact our ability to move forward is if we ruminate on them, if we think about them, and then those feelings drive the inaction we're taking inside of our business.
So if you failed one time, you've posted and nobody showed up, you've done the thing and you had a workshop and nobody purchased, like, welcome to the club. That is part of the process. And so my goal for you is to look forward. not to spend time looking at the past. That's what therapy is for. Coaching says, how can I acknowledge what's happened and create a solution and a roadmap to look ahead into the future version of myself that I want to become?
And so as I think about the framework I'm going to present to you, I want you to like, I mean, I encourage you to grab a paper and pen and walk through these practices or at least pause and come back to them on your own time. But I want you to act as if. Go through this process as though you are the girl that is totally cool, like being center stage, showing up like your full self. Like, how would she do things differently?
Because I believe right now, more than ever, people are craving authenticity, craving vulnerability from you. That's what makes you human. And I mean, it doesn't take but a minute to scroll on social media and see like AI everywhere. And it's. Right. I'm not saying that it's not a decent tool to use, but.
At the end of the day, people are buying your brand, investing in your brand because of you. And we need to see all of you. We need to know all of you. We need you talking in your stories so that we can hear your tone. We can hear if you're authentic. All of those elements are really important.
I think it's a critical need is more authenticity. It's literally the most important part of the equation of building trust with people. And so if your face isn't showing up, if your voice isn't showing up, then we are missing all of that, even though like. Do I feel good about investing with her? Like, is she the kind of person that can guide me? And so our goal isn't to like eradicate the fear. It's about managing the fear.
And I think the truth is there isn't necessarily a finish line. You're going to be managing it to some degree no matter what. You're going to manage the fear differently to get your first client. It might demand something different of you for your first 10 to 20, first 100. You know, for me, I realized I was holding myself back because I'd felt safe being seen when I was on a webinar of like 200 people or 100 people.
And I was just always letting myself get to that. And then there was something about having 200 to 500 people live on a webinar that I was like freaked the heck out about. I didn't feel safe in that capacity. Like, ooh, now there's going to be more trolls. There's going to be things happening, right? So it's always like the next level, as I say, new devil.
But I can stay small and stay at that hundred or I can slowly creep up and push myself and manage it as I move from one to two and two to three and three to four and four to five hundred. And I can co-create with the fear present. and use some tactics to kind of call it out and shrink it. Or I can stay safe and be small and look back five years from now and then like, dang, that really sucks that I did that. This is atypical for a podcast, but I think it would, for my podcast, I would say.
If you're able to, I would even encourage you to kind of just go through the first part here with your eyes closed. Obviously, if you're listening or walking or something, you can visualize it elsewhere in a different way. But I encourage you to like actually pause, go find a quiet place and really sit with this, especially if this is something that you're really struggling with or come back and do it again, you know, at a later time where you're feeling really like you're in a quiet place.
Okay, so let's keep moving forward. I just really encourage you to just take a deep breath, like even a couple really big deep breaths in the nose and exhale out the mouth so you're just like fully present in this practice. Deep inhale in and a big exhale out. And if you're ready, just close your eyes. If you're going to keep them open, that's great too. And just be present with your body.
Maybe just give a little attention to wiggling your nose, wiggling your shoulders, wiggling your glutes and your toes just to come into your body and be present with it. moving away all the distractions that exist elsewhere. And I just want you to imagine these few stairs, three to four stairs out in front of you. And just beyond those stairs is this stage, like the most beautiful stage you've ever seen. and just allow whatever stage is showing up to you for you to be perfect inside, outside.
any color, and just notice the lights shining down on the stage. And just looking down, you notice your foot out in front of you, taking one step onto the first stair, a second onto the second, another onto the third. and the fourth. And that fifth step is right on to the stage. And as you walk out to the stage, you can feel the bright lights on you. You feel this place where you get to share your expertise. And you take that center stage. And maybe you have a microphone somewhere.
And just knowing that they've picked you to be the one to deliver the content, to teach the people in attendance, that you are there in your purpose. And just looking out into the audience. And just noticing the faces, however many they are, is perfect for you. And if you notice this energy feels really brilliant for you and amazing, continue to lean in. If you need a little space. And just go ahead and step out of the picture so you see yourself inside the picture.
And I just want you to think about how it would feel to be on that stage. First, with just 10 people in the audience. A hundred. A thousand. Five thousand. Ten thousand. And just noticing if you have a sticky point. That's right. And just if you haven't, go ahead and step out of the picture and see yourself in the picture. And just start to get curious about what's rolling through your brain, how you're feeling. It's all perfect for you. It's just something to notice. Just be curious about it.
And when you're ready, just opening your eyes if you close them. And if not, your eyes are open. And I just want to ask you some follow-up questions. First, this is a great time to just journal anything that you saw. You could just describe it out on paper. Feel free to journal and pause and come back if you want. I'm just going to roll through the questions because you can pause on your own time. And the thing I want you to do next is just identify what came up for you.
Like what kind of feeling, what kind of thought came up? Were you just sheer excitement? Like, let's do this. Or was there anything else that rolled up for you as you were seeing yourself on that stage being seen? And maybe the stage doesn't resonate. That's okay. Just think about like that many people seeing your post on Instagram or on LinkedIn or that many people attending your webinar.
The idea is we're walking you towards the edge of a threshold that's challenging you. And we want to reveal like little roots of like what's really coming up for you. And so if it's like the fear of messing up, the fear of saying the wrong thing, I just want you to identify it right now and just own it. We can't move away from something that we don't identify exists. We can keep talking about, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, but nothing's going to happen if we don't identify.
And then just journal on it. Describe it in detail. Or maybe it is multiple things. Describe them all in detail. And once you have those things, I just want you to kind of imagine those things. In your mind's eye, like imagine what they are. So if it's fear of judgment, like what kind of picture do you get in your brain right now? Is it a whole bunch of girls sitting at a table talking about you? Or the trolley comment on Instagram?
What I want you to do one by one, and again you can pause, is I want you to take that image in your brain and I want you to shrink it tiny. Like allow your brain to shrink it tiny, like the size of a postage stamp. And I want you to like with your mind, push it far away. Like Amanda, you're crazy. What we're trying to do here is. Let that fear know we know it exists, but it doesn't need like a front seat. The other way you can do it is through journaling.
You can simply take that thing and just acknowledge it and let it go. You can say, hey, I see you, this fear of what other people are going to say. I don't need you anymore. Thanks for keeping me safe up until now. But I'm ready to move on with that. It's this internal dialogue that is necessary to just say, hey, I see this thing. Like, it's real. It feels real to me. But it's just not helping me go in the direction that I really want to go.
And you can continue that for each one of those little things that might be coming up for you. And when you're done, obviously, it's a great little practice and framework to follow. You can repeat it at any time. So we're naming it, we're claiming it, and we're releasing it.
However way you choose to let that go. And you could do this like every day when you see it come up. Okay, I see you. I'm afraid to post because I'm afraid somebody's going to say something. I'm afraid of this judgment. Okay, I see you. I'm owning the fact that I'm feeling that way. It's not serving me. I'm going to go ahead and just like release it right now. I know you're there and I'm going to post anyway. So you could just do lots of repetitions of this. I think it's so interesting.
And I heard this recently and just keeps coming back up for me is fear and faith. in yourself and in your vision, right, are both invisible things. You can't see them. You can't touch them. But you get to decide which one you want to put your energy into every single day.
Do you want to pour energy into fear? Or do you want to pour energy into belief and faith that the message and the service that you're providing for someone are going to be the exact solution they need? Like every day you get that decision. And I think many of you are allowing fear to consume your energy instead of that faith and that belief. And it's literally, we gave a tangible way to like redirect that.
And I think the homework from today's lesson is this, is I want you to go out and practice this very quick redirect and reframe. But do it small in a really easy way. Maybe you're not ready to be on a webinar, but go make the post. Go live. Go on stories. Go introduce yourself to somebody at a networking event or at their grocery store. and the reassurance of like okay what was is great but now i am safe to be seen Or find some sort of statement that's like, I am becoming more confident.
at showing my face, sharing my voice, you know, whatever the buildup statement is, because you have to identify the pattern in order to break it. Right? It's called a pattern interrupt. If we keep the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome, right? So you've got to break the pattern. If you are feeling this repetition of like, every time I go to put myself out there, pump the brake.
then we have to interrupt the pattern. Just like I shared with you, I realized my pattern was I was afraid at going beyond 100 signups at a webinar. So it was like I was sabotaging my success. So I had to break the pattern. I did that by increasing ad spend. slowly, but I also did it by creating kind of a mockup image of webinar attendees that said 500 and just exposing myself to it over and over and over. So I was like, yeah, that's my norm.
So my mantra became like, it's normal to have 500 people on webinars because I had gotten norm, like I'd gotten equated to having 100 people on. So I know this is kind of a bit of a shift in traditional episodes, but I really think it's necessity for you to hear what this episode brought to help you shift into...
a place where you're taking action. Because like I said at the beginning, you can have all the strategy, all the tools, but if you're not actually going out there, it's likely because there's some element of what I talked about today underlying your ability to go out and do a thing. So if you have any follow-up questions, feel free to send me a message over on Instagram at awalkmyway.
If you feel like this episode will resonate with a community you're in, with other coaching friends, anything, I would just be so, so grateful if you would share because we want other coaches to know that they're not alone in this little hiccup. It's learning that like there is no finish line to being fear less necessary. It's just learning to manage the fear so we can go out and take action towards our dreams and towards the growth of our business.
Hope you enjoyed the episode. I will see you guys next week. And until then, go coach them up. One of the most important things you will ever do as a coach is ask questions. So I've put together a simple go-to resource that you can have on your back. So go ahead and head on over to