Music. This is Belonging, a podcast that explores being alive in the age of loneliness. I'm your host, Becca Piastrelli, a writer, mother, and community tender currently living on the ancestral lands of the Coast Miwok people in present-day Marin County, California. In this show, we explore topics like rites of passage, cultivating meaningful community, seasonal and cyclical living, and what it means to be a good ancestor in these times.
I have thought-provoking conversations with friends, teachers, elders, and ancestral medicine keepers to help support you in bringing more meaning and connection to your life. I also pop in here and there to share updates and learnings from my own story, because we were meant to do this together, cosmically holding hands as we. Music. Walk the spiral of life. You can expect to be challenged by new or old ideas.
Face your beliefs and what systems informed them. Get curious and brave to tell the truth about the deeper harder things and feel comforted in the knowing that you don't have to navigate it all alone. Music. Hello and welcome back to Belonging the Podcast. It's Becca Piastrelli here. Happy to be with you today, meeting you wherever you're at throughout time and space. I'm imagining,
are you driving? Are you walking? Are you working out? Are you washing dishes? Are you nursing, what are you doing when you listen to a podcast? What am I doing when I listen to a podcast? Driving, that's a big one, and walking. Anywho, here I am sitting in my office here in our home. For a little bit longer in Northern California, Coast Miwok land, and I'm sharing a solo episode you today talking about my tools for thriving in these times, in this culture, as a way of belonging
myself to me. I talk a lot about these four areas of focus, of practice, that are the sections of my book Root and Ritual and these areas are land. Lineage, community, and the self. I talk a lot about land lineage and community. And I wonder if the afterthought feeling of self is actually like work that is being asked of me to do. I made it the last section of my book because I didn't want it to be an afterthought.
I truly believe that in order to belong ourselves to the land and to feel a connection to who and what we come from to feel a weaving into community, whatever that means, that we cannot forget that we belong first and foremost to ourselves. And we live in a culture that really asks us to bypass that. Connection. It asks us to bypass our energy levels, bypass our health, our mental, emotional, physical health, asks us to bypass our bodies, asks us to be machines for production, to be labor.
That could be a conversation for another day on capitalism. I'm excited to bring on one of my teachers, Bear A. Bear, later in this season to talk about and break apart the system that we live under, most of us, and how it affects and impacts us on a daily basis and not just the economics of it. But I'm putting a pin in that, parking that in the parking lot, and look forward
to that episode later. And what's meaningful to me today to share with you is to talk more deeply about this concept that we are not machines and that we are human beings and animal bodies walking upon a living earth. Even if that living earth is hard to feel behind strip malls and concrete, that it is there. It is everywhere. And it is a freaking miracle to be on this planet in this
moment breathing with our lungs, growing cells in our hair, hearts beating, ears working. So you hear me right now. It's a really miraculous thing. And I pay homage to that often when I find myself having to right the ship of life, when my beliefs and my thoughts start taking me into a direction of unworthiness, of loneliness, of unbelonging, of feeling not good enough, which happens to me.
On the regular, which is why this is a practice. And I never want to appear that I am the teacher on the podium teaching you how to be fixed. Rather, I am here sitting in the circle with you, sharing my practices and hearing yours, and sharing the stories of what's working and what isn't in every moment, in every season of life. And I'm talking about this today because very soon on March 12th, 2023, if you're listening in relative real time when these come out, I'm sharing a virtual retreat.
It's a live experience with me on rewilding the self. And it's on Sunday, March 12th. It's a half day virtual retreat, four hours, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Pacific Standard Time.
And it's an experience of immersing yourself in a communal space, a space with like-hearted, curious folks to explore through ritual and contemplation and reflection and journeying and getting super honest with ourselves about the ways in which we struggle, and the beliefs we've inherited and the ways that we feel not good enough or the ways that we are living in a way that is not an integrity, not embodying the values,
that we seek out, that we aspire to, that we dream of, that we feel mirrored in the stories and movies and books and ways of being that we admire and seek out. And the purpose of this virtual retreat is to give us that dose, that dose of feel-good hormones that makes us feel like, ooh, okay, a different way forward is possible. And that we take that in slow and steady steps because if there's anything I've learned is that true lasting sustainable change happens in titrated small bits.
And so many of us drink from the fire hose of just content we consume so much. All the emails we subscribe to and the books we read and the social media content, if you're into that, we take in and it's like, yes, more and more and more. And yet our animal bodies are like, wait, what, huh? And if you're like a mom like me, like really seriously, wait, what? Huh? And yet, I believe for all of us.
Even with diminished capacity, even with high mental loads, even with what it takes to, survive in this culture that we can make lasting change through small little steps. So this retreat experience, this virtual retreat experience is for immersing our nervous systems into a place of co-regulation and magic and sacredness. And then afterwards, I give a two-week deepening practice, which will be dripped out over email for you to do personally.
I'm going to do these seasonally. If you're interested, you can go to beccapastralli.com self. Also, the link is in the show notes. You can sign up if you're interested.
The next one will be in May, where we'll be talking about connection to land. Today, I want to underline this topic of we are not machines and that oftentimes we inherit beliefs about ourselves from our families of origin, from the culture, from the ways we've seen people walk in the world, from our communities, from our religious organizations or affinity groups, from popular culture. There are so many ways we've inherited beliefs about how we should be. And then
you can talk about attachment styles and all these things. So I thought I'd share a little bit about some beliefs I've been working through for many years. I'm making them my companions that when, these beliefs pop up, they are little companions saying knock, knock, knock on the door. Hey, something needs to be looked at and tended to in your life. So one of the primary beliefs I've inherited is that my worth is tied to how much I accomplish.
And the reason I teach that this is not actually true is because it is a belief I have inherited. So this idea that comes from the Industrial Revolution where human beings were literal factory workers and their means of value of being able to keep the job and being paid was about how many widgets or things they could put together in an hour. I have ancestors who worked in factories.
My great-grandmother, Philomena Schleuker, worked in a shrimp factory in New Orleans at the age of six with her brothers and sisters. And so when I think about this struggle I sometimes get into around a real addiction, to crossing off as many things on the list as possible to feel like I did good. My partner Tim and I both have this thing where we go like, oh, it was a good day. What made it a good day? I did a lot. And sometimes that's great. We're both generators and human design,
which means we have to move energy through our bodies in order to rest. So doing feels good. And if I have this belief that my worth is tied to how much I accomplish on days that I do need rest, on days that I am unwell, on days that I have a small baby in my arms, on days that I am grieving, if I still have that belief as true that my worth is tied to how much I accomplished, then I feel what? unworthy. Worthless even. And I've even heard the words come out of my mouth and come in the mouth of
family members of I feel worthless because I'm not doing enough. Which is just such a curious thing. When we are of a living world where plants and animals show us every day, because they're not gone. There may be less of them, but they are not gone. That fallow periods are normal. That rest is an inherent part of energy regeneration. I even think about the idea of rest and digest. The parasympathetic nervous system responds that in order for us to have energy to, if you think of
us as animals, we need energy to hunt, right? To eat so that we can keep surviving in order to that we must rest and digest. Digest what we eat, digest what we've experienced in order to. Respond again. Otherwise we run out of energy. And how us humans in this industrialized time where we've forgotten our animal bodies and we've forgotten our seasonal cyclical nature.
I remember in graduate school, which was a pretty progressive sustainable business, green program, my professor who was teaching regenerative systems said to me, I'll sleep when I'm dead. I thought, okay, wait, what? But I'm pretty sure the living world sleeps. I'm pretty sure the living world rests. I'm pretty sure the living world has inhales as much as it
has exhales. So I find when I start to believe that thought that my worth is tied to how much I accomplish and I feel myself in that sort of pre-burnout pattern of feeling addicted to doing too much and getting tired and not allowing myself to rest, not allowing myself to feel okay and safe and regulated and grounded, even when my to-do list, which was never ever realistic from the beginning to leave it unchecked off. I tell myself that I am an animal being of this living world.
And I deserve an inhale and that is good and healthy. So there's that. Another inherited belief that comes up for me is if there is disharmony, it's up to me to appease and fix it. So I find this one to be pretty interesting in the realm of community, around true community being one that can actually hold conflict and how I was not raised in a very conflict driven household, but I was raised in a household that valued harmony. Meaning that if conflict or disharmony,
appeared in my space, it felt unsafe or it felt not okay and I would take it personally. And I I sometimes still run into this. I actually ran into it very recently on Instagram and watching what comes up for me in those experiences of, well, I have to fix it. I have to make it safe. And oftentimes what that means is I abandon myself. I abandon boundaries. I abandon values I've set. I've abandoned promises I've made to myself around my time and what I will and will not do and my own feelings.
Because what becomes primary, and this is also very much related to anxious attachers, which I am one, is to create harmony again. And so I've been really looking at this way of, How can I? Be in partnership with myself and with my nervous system even when there is disharmony, because that is also true of the living world of tension, leaning into and living into tension. That tension also is what creates new life. Tension is the catalyst for innovation.
For things that we could never possibly have imagined in the framework in which we're observing the tension. And this has been a really humbling experience for me because I took a lot of pride for a lot of my life in being an appeaser, in being, I'd say, a conflict mediator. I even thought I would become a mediator in life. Even in college, what I really aspired to work on was to work for international service and work in the Middle East to help resolve that conflict,
which is beautiful in many ways. And also, I don't know if I could have survived that. I definitely would have burned out doing that. I'm learning as I get older, as I approach midlife, that conflict is inherent and does not necessarily mean, depends on the conflict,
does not necessarily mean that I am unsafe. And if I can build my capacity and my ability to feed myself what I need in order to expand my nervous system capacity to feel safe and regulated and grounded, then that will make me a more responsive and resilient community member, a better tender of myself and of my family and of my work. So there's that. Okay, one more inherited belief. That I've been contending with for many years is I am an imposter.
It can't possibly be true what they're saying about me. I don't wonder if any of you have had this experience where someone is saying something to you, pouring on compliments, pouring on gratitude, affirming all the things they see in you that maybe you've dreamed of someone saying and the internal dialogue within you is that's actually not true. And you give the sort of blank empty, thank you, thank you so much. And inside you're like, that's not true.
That inner critic, that inner doubter is tricky, tricky. And I really found that I experienced this when my book, Root and Ritual came out, came out November, 2021. And there was such a build, many years, two and a half years of putting this book out the world and what I really desired was witness. What I really desired was an experience of being
seen and affirmed for this work, this hard work I'd done, pandemic, pregnant and all. And I found that I was surprised with my internal dialogue around what people were giving me, which was praise and gratitude and beautiful feedback in all ways and really seeking out evidence of me being an imposter. And that's a sneaky one that comes up. And what I know to do when that comes up is find another part of myself to partner with. Parts work has been so helpful to me and
seeing like, well, that's part of myself. It's a part of myself that wants to believe that. I feel, like that is very much inherited from my lineage and very much inherited from being a marginalized person, being a woman in a patriarchal culture, and really reinforcing this belief that I'm not I'm not good enough and I need to be saved. And at some point, that might have been true, the saving part for many of my ancestors who lived in
way more patriarchal, dangerous times. And it's not true for me. It's not true for me because there's another part of myself that is a champion for my work that is looking at myself right now in the computer because I'm filming myself recording this, looking into my own eyes saying, that shit ain't true. Everything you have created has been a product of deep work and wisdom and, celebration. And I celebrate myself. So the imposter one really comes up for me often.
And this is my way of segueing into talking about our seasonal cyclical nature. The imposter really comes up for me during certain times of my cycle. Certain times of my cycle when my self doubt and my inner critic and my beliefs around my worth, sort of flare and that's for me, late luteal, which is right before I bleed. If you are someone who bleeds, maybe you have something similar. And I find I have to do some serious tending to myself. So I was talking about tools.
One of them is to consume less media around those times. So I see all these beliefs when they pop up as little sign posts, little white flags from all the parts of myself saying we need care. And so one of the ways I can care for myself is not give those parts of myself any food, not feed the monster. But one of the main sources of nourishment to the monster is social media, is my reality shows that I enjoy, is blogs and emails that I read, and it's not necessarily one kind of thing.
It's just really, I need space. And it's really hard when you're addicted. It's really hard when you're addicted to these things that have been engineered for you to be addicted to, so forgive yourself for that. I certainly am working on that, but it requires boundary work.
So that's one of my tools is being able to move that away, move that away from my experience, so that there is more space for me to tend and care and hear what's behind that belief that's loud, to hear what's behind what's pinging in my face. And often what's behind it is much quieter and needs the volume to be dropped quite a bit.
So other tools for me is literally just going outside. Now, something that frustrates me when I say these tools, because I've shared them in other places, is how freaking cliche they sound. And not complicated or like, you know, those like TikToks you watch where it's like, I'm about to give you the number one secret to living a better life. Are you ready? Are you ready? It's go outside. It's like actually it is that simple and I find that I am more suspicious of
the complicated things. Take these three pills, wake up every morning, do 10 sun salutations, no shade on yoga, and then da da da da da. Actually, what we're craving is to slow down the fire hose experience of life. And our bodies being slow cyclical beings of the living earth can regulate with simple tools like going outside. So many of us, depends on what you do for living, so many of us are looking at screens and sitting down, which is literally what I'm doing right now.
And the earth is our first home. And it's right there, even if you're in a city. And so I was feeling kind of buzzy before I was recording this. I was starting to get a little self-doubt like what do I have to share and I have this feed that I have to give to our chickens. We have backyard chickens and we give them compost, like certain food waste we can give them. And so we have two composts, one for regular green waste and one for kitchen scraps.
And my chickens live up a hill and I sometimes get kind of lazy and like I don't want to go up that hill. And my head was buzzy and I just thought, you know what, right now is a really good idea. It's a good time to feed the chickens. So I grabbed the chicken slop as we call it, I walked up the hill and that's when I discovered that the camellias are blooming. I brought one with me right now.
That smells so good. And the lemons are yellowing on the tree and I literally had no idea because I haven't gone up there and the mustard is starting to bolt, the winter mustard. And the garlic has popped up in his perky. This is all in my garden. And the chickens were so excited to see me. And I gave them their chicken slop and I fed them their little snackies.
And I looked out over the hill where I live, the beautiful oaks and bay laurels, and I could feel the crispness in the air and I felt it on my skin. I could hear the humming of life pulsing around me and my perspective expanded. It is that simple. Then I tried it back down, put on a coat because I was a little cold and I came in here and I felt different.
Another thing that really helps me move through these experiences of feeling contracted and addicted to these ways of being that aren't really serving is to move my body. Again, another cliche when I know and yet... Moving our bodies is a thing we used to do all the time and that a lot of us do a lot less of. And of course, this is if you are able to. I certainly am. And I find the movement of blood,
through my body and the contraction of my muscles. And I just ordered a walking pad for my desk. So maybe next time I'm recording this episode, you'll hear me huffing and puffing. No, I would never do do that to you. That would drive me crazy. But movement, movement is the medicine for so many of us. I have a friend, Jenny Meir, who goes on a hike every day. And she says, I have to, I have to in order to get right in my head. I have to in order to get right when she serves clients and
she's a medicine woman. And she's just like, that is the way I can show up. I think we have different constitutions because I feel much more drawn to a bed than to hiking. But I think about her every day in those moments where I'm like, she's probably hiking right now. And what can I do to move my body in order to move the stagnant energy through me, and around me and out of me, these beliefs out of me. So that I can get right.
I can get into a place where I want to be and have been and can get back to and not believe these stories and these inherited beliefs. It also embodies me. So there's a whole other thing where I find that when I'm in these sort of spinny thoughts and beliefs, I'm actually living from the neck up. And to remember that I have this body, this animal body of the earth that wax and wanes and inhales and exhales, and has a whole seasonal expression every day.
Every day I have my winter, spring, summer, fall, and we can forget, we can bypass. So what can we work in? And it's maybe it's just a little movement. I'm speaking to my folks who are not big movers. Doesn't have to be much. It's really important. I also find that one of my tools for thriving is cooking my food. I don't know about you during the pandemic, but being a postpartum woman and in a lockdown experience, I got really into
ordering food. And I got my gene keys done a few years ago. Have any of you done the gene keys? You're either into it or you're not. Or if you're like me, you don't understand it, but you like it. And one of the things, we'll put a link to the Gene Keys in the show notes, but one of the things that my Gene Keys told me was one of my primary ways of thriving and nourishing myself was cooking
my own food. I don't really come from a hugely foodie family. It's not like I had like the Italian grandmother stirring the soup and yet I fantasize about being the Italian while I would be married to an Italian grandmother stirring the soup. And I have made it a practice every night.
I had to sort of contend with my beliefs around gender roles to realize that making it a practice every night of cooking dinner for my family was deeply helpful to my nervous system and to quieting those loud talking parts of myself to remember that I am a human being, not a
machine in an animal body who knows how to nourish herself. And that's taken me on a whole journey of like meal planning and actually getting good at grocery shopping and actually looking in my fridge and my pantry and learning how to not waste food because food is precious and not everyone has an abundance of it. And it's been an important practice for me to feed myself and my family, also having a child right? I'm in charge of feeding her.
And growing her bones and her organs and her digestive system. And I'm like, why take that very seriously? Why can't I take that as seriously for myself? I will. I will. And I'm going to share one more tool, one more tool, which is talking things out with beloveds and not just relying on one person to talk it out with. So if you are like me, can you live with one person or a few people, but you have like a primary partner that you talk to?
I've shared this before, but I had this realization in my postpartum time where I was feeling really frustrated with Tim. My partner was realizing I was projecting my need of a whole village, let's say like 20 people onto one person and it was deeply unfair to him it was very humbling to me to realize that we both were projecting our needs of many on each other.
And so I've been thinking about, I'm always in the curiosity of how to re-village my life in these modern times and not just take the belief that it's impossible, have that just take me down. And so I've been really nourishing the relationships with folks who have capacity, maybe they don't have children right now or they have more space for me and me for them to text
things out, to send each other Marco Polos or voice memos, to meet up for coffee. Although I find that's pretty hard for me and I hope the season of my life changes where I can have longer lunches or even dinners with friends that go long where I can chat it out. But taking what I can get right now which is talking things out. So much of these moments where our beliefs take us on is because were alone.
It's because we're alone or we don't have a lot of space or capacity to take it from our brains, our heads, and move it out. There's the ritual activity of moving something out, of sweeping something out, of burning something, of blowing it, of throwing it away from you. And we being the ritual vessels of doing the same when we move things out of us,
screaming it, whispering it, blowing it, just speaking it. And so realizing when those belief systems really emerge, when those thought patterns are spiraling and I can't move through it, and I find it holding back my body, my energy, my work, my relationships to speak it aloud in spaces where it's named that that can happen. Whether it's a deep and beautiful friendship or a council of folks, a circle you have, and maybe there are things you're like, I don't have any of that.
And I'd say that's something to devote energy to. I talk about the text hype thread, where you get a bunch of folks on a thread, and you say, this is what this thread is for. This is for when we need to be hyped up or cheerleaded, or we need to be affirmed, and that we ask for that. Or witnessing, or love and support.
No advice or you need advice. But having spaces, whether they're virtual, over text or video or in person, the most delicious and honestly, the most deeply satisfying one for our bodies. Is so important that we remember that we are communal creatures and that we can remember and see ourselves through each other, through the witnessing and the mirroring and the loving and the seeing.
So as much as I talk things out with my partner, Tim, I seek other people to speak aloud my thoughts, to try on ideas, to name the dark thought or pattern. And to move into it in a different way because that is where we can create inertia in our lives. That is where we can create forward movement. That is when we can drop back into our bodies. And that is a place where the friend can say, You know what?
You've been talking about this for two years and I love you so much and I'm wondering what can I do to support you to change it? That is a brave and beautiful ask to have of a friend. And a friend asked that of me recently And it was so helpful. Alright, I'm going to give you one more tool before I complete this, which is tracking my
seasonal cyclical nature. So if you're one who has a hormonal cycle, this is a great place to start because there are many apps to help you track not just when you bleed, but also how you feel. How much energy you have, how much you slept. If you're feeling sexual, if you're feeling energetic enough to work out if you worked out, how long you worked out. Or you could do it paper and pen. There's some beautiful cycle tracking calendars that are sold on Etsy. I'll link a few
in the show notes. Or you can make your own. And the other thing is to track how you feel throughout the wheel of the year or all the seasons that you experience and how it looks outside and how it looks inside. So this is drawing a circle. I'll give an example in the show notes is drawing a circle. And then depending on the hemisphere where you live, aligning the dates to the seasonal celebrations that mark moments in the years. The primary ones are the summer
solstice and the winter solstice, and then the spring equinox and the fall equinox. And Then from there, so it's like you draw a circle and then you draw a cross in the middle of the circle. So at 12 o'clock is the winter solstice, at 6 o'clock is the summer solstice, at 3 o'clock is the spring equinox, and at 9 o'clock is the fall or autumn equinox.
And then if you want to add on, you can add the cross quarter days, which can be called different things depending on your lineage or your connection, but those would be the six-week markers between the solstices and the equinoxes. We just crossed over February 1st, 2nd, which in Celtic tradition is called imbulk. It's really marking the quickening between winter solstice and spring equinox. And then you have like May Day or Beltane. And then you have the sort of first harvest between,
summer solstice and fall equinox, sometimes called lammas. Again, I'm speaking to the Celtic tradition and that is not the only one. In fact, that's just the dominant one in internet and popular culture, but there are just so many names for it. And then the one between the fall equinox and the winter solstice is Halloween or Celtic Samhain or again many names for it. So you could
add that in too. But this is not for tracking the holidays. This is for tracking how you feel and what you know of yourself so you can start to anticipate what you know to be true about times of the year. Do you get really internal and quiet in the winter? Do you find that you really need
to rest more around the summer solstice or not work at all? Do you find that you really have a lot of outward planting seeds energy in the spring and in the fall, a lot of harvest energy, but as soon as that Halloween, sawing, last harvest, first frost time hits, you need to slow down. Do you need a reminder to slow down? Do you find that you get seasonal depression in winter? And what can you do about that? I think I told you in the beginning that my imposter syndrome
really shows up in the luteal phase, which is like right before I bleed. And so I would translate that to that first frost time of the end of autumn, the beginning of winter. And even this past year, I had said to my team, I'm a small mighty team of one person, Angela, shout out. And we said, okay, I know that come winter solstice, I am going to need to rest. I'm I'm gonna have such little energy because I'm not a machine.
I am a human being in an animal body of the living earth. And that is the darkest night. And it is when there's the least sun and I am a sun powered being. Sun is really what moves me. And I also live on a north facing hill. So it's really dark where I live and cold. And so we said, okay, we're going to work up until like, I don't know, December 18th. And then we're going to shut down shop. Well, guess what? December 10th hit and I was done, done, done, done, so done, hit a wall.
I felt just like my capacity was so limited. Everything felt really hard. It was like I was like running through peanut butter and I just struggled so much. And so we had to shut down things early. And that I am gonna name right now is a massive privilege that not everyone has. Not everyone has the ability to shut down work December 10th, but what can you know about yourself and what little levers can you pull, things can you tweak, conversations you can have with yourself and your partner.
What inherited beliefs can you anticipate so that you can be oriented towards thriving. So the next time the wheel turns, the next time your cycle moves, you are wiser. You're building upon the wisdom that is still in your DNA, because this is how our ancestors once knew how to live. And we are unlearning and clearing the amnesia, the fog that is surrounding us from the past several hundred years of these systems of oppression that we live under that want to treat us like machines.
I want us to forget the power that lives in our body and our connection to all of the good green earth, animate living world and each other. There's power there and that power is threatening. So we reclaim our power through these little ways. So when I talk about getting outside, when I talk about moving your body, when I talk about cooking your food, I can see how important and powerful that is in unlearning the amnesia, breaking the
spell and remembering that these inherited beliefs are actually not true. They're actually not true. So I hope this was of service to you. It's kind of fun to be sharing a bit more of this stuff. I'd love your feedback. If you have any, you can always let me know on Instagram, Becca Piestrelli, and show notes will be at belongingpodcast.com. And if you'd like to join Join us Sunday, March 12th for the Rewilding the Self, virtual retreat and deepening practice.
I would love for you to come. It's gonna be a really beautiful experience of connection with like-hearted creative curious folks who are into this stuff, because I think that's also a lot of us are feeling like, oh, I'm into this stuff and where the other people that are into this stuff. And I really think it's gonna be the start of something beautiful and important. And we're in it for the long game because this is not overnight success territory.
This is long, sustainable legacy work for us and for all that comes after us. So if you wanna join us, you can go to becappiestreli.com slash self. Otherwise, I'll see you next time for the next episode. Thanks for listening. Music. Thank you so much for joining me. In a time when our attention is being pulled in so many different directions, it means a lot that you took time out of your day to spend it with me and in these important conversations. For show notes and links and more information
about my guests, you can head to belongingpodcast.com. And if you'd like to hear more from me and get access to my free newsletter called Slow and Seasonal, you can head to bekapeastreli.com slash subscribe.