Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography

the midterms. Exciting now. Rather than doing a two part or about one person, we have two distinct subjects for both episodes this week, and this episode is the working title is every Shitty Thing Ted Cruiz has done in his Shitty Ship Life. The titles a lie because I didn't have time everything. There's just so much garbage that Ted Cruiz is done. But we are going to go back a lot further than I think most people know about Mr Tedrick. I'm excited about this will be fascinating.

I want to start by asking what did you guys first learn about Ted Cruise? Do you would you call your first Ted Cruise memory? God, I couldn't say my first memory of him, but I know it was around tea party times. Yeah, that would make sense. Yeah, I would say that's around the same time. For me, it's

all a blur. Well, I want the listeners at home to know that while we're doing this, there's a tide pod that's been in the office the whole year now that I've been doing this show, and I've just been squeezing it and it's gradually degrading and you can see that it's going to burst at some point. So I'm gonna pass this around. We can all take turns squeezing and maybe it'll explode in the middle of this session. It's really gross right now, Like you can see how gross.

I thought that was a tide pod, and I was right.

It will be fun for the listeners at home to hear us squeeze the tide pod for this is going to go, So yeah, it doesn't have much longer left in all right, So, Ted Cruz, the focus of this week is the bastards of the two eighteen midterm elections, and I want to make it clear to our listeners who maybe more politically independent, that we're not just declaring every Republican who's running right now with bastard, or at least I'm not the people that we're talking about this

week are folks that I think everyone in America can get together behind and agreer garbage monsters. And on that note, let's talk about Ted Cruz Uni. Yeah. Yeah, Now the table of Hell Ted Cruz came to be started decades before his birth in nineteen thirty nine. It started in Cleveland, as any terrible things start, Yeah, in the late thirties, back before the Cuyahoga River caught on fire the first time of like a dozen times. I'm gonna start with

a businessman named Fred G. Clark. He was an executive and anti prohibition crusader, so that's nice. He was a libertarian, very early libertarian, and a contemporary of the Coke family patriarch Fred Coke. Because for some reason, Freds are all dedicated to destroying the social safety net. There's gonna be a lot of friends this episode. Yeah, yeah, a lot of friends in an episode about a Ted. I gotta say,

that's my least favorite name, is it? Fred? There's something you know, hard core libertarian about the name from Yeah, yes there is, and that's not just a random joke. So anyway, Clark formed an organization called the American Economic Foundation. Its goal was to push and advocate for free market, limited government ideals. He moved the Foundation to New York City in the nineteen forties and he set up a program to educate young Americans about the wonders of capitalism.

Clark believe the free market worked because it was a self correcting system controlled by the consumer. Since this self correcting system was obviously perfect, there was no need for government intrusion into the economy. Of course. Yeah, if you have a system that's for like you say whatever you want, whatever you want in order to make money, sort of take advantage of consumers. Yeah, the consumers have the power exactly.

Think about like I s p s. That's why everyone's Internet is fantastic and nobody has complaints about their sp because we the consumers, have the power. Perfect example, perfect example, about perfect example. That's why the health care industry is famously without flawed because the consumers are in control. It's definitely not broken from their perspective, so why would they try to fix it? And free is right there. I

love free stuff. I love Boston market, So a free Boston market that's what I think of when I think a free market. That's just some good associations right there, they're brilliant. I'm gonna get me a good rotisserie chicken that's been sitting on a warming plate for four days for free. Delightful. Okay. So the Foundation published a pamphlet called How We Live and sold something like three million

copies of it during the nineteen forties and fifties. It was an economics primer that basically outlined Fred's ideas about how the economy out of work. In nineteen sixty four, the American Economic Foundation had its biggest coup yet when it hosted that year's World's Fair in New York City. I found some New York Time coverage of the event. The title of the article is free Enterprises hailed it, Fair,

Hall dedicated, and torch of truth lighted at ceremony. Now, most of this article reads like the flavor text you'd find in a Fallout game. It's it's it's pretty fun. I love reading old New York Times stories from the nineteen sixties. Here's a quote. An attack against Russian communist imperialist aggression and against big government in this country was delivered by John Davis Lodge, former Governor of Connecticut and former ambassador to Spain. For the Russians, peaceful coexistence is

a tactic, not an objective for us. Plausible appearances to the contrary, notwithstanding, it is surrender. On the installment plan, maryor Wagner praised the pavilion as a most valuable endeavor to explain in practical terms to the millions of visitors to the World's Fair the daily economic benefits inherit in our free enterprise system. Yeah, any talk of piece is just communism. We don't knook each other. The Russians win, It is just it is just they don't exaggerate it

all in those games. No, they take it right from history. Take it right from history now. A representative during the this World's Fair from the American steel Workers Union was quoted by The New York Times as noting ruefully that the exhibit completely left out labor. Weird. Weird that a major pro capitalist foundation would ignore labor, and the must have been an oversight. Must have been an oversight. It

actually wasn't, according to the American Economic Foundation. One of their representatives assured the New York Times that quote labor was represented in the hall's major exhibit. Mr Both comes to town. This is a show in which Mr Both has the dual role of producer and consumer and the audience finds itself involved in the economy of a small town. That sounds height of Oh that is branding right there. Yeah,

I'm sorry. Audience participation shows, you can like it's you were labor, were labor, the CEOs are labor, we're all we're all labor. And you know what came about because some guy was sitting back and like, well, if it's an audience participation show, we don't get to pay for as many actors, free labor being the best time of them and then the show, don't you guys feel lucky? Yeah? I really did look for a video of Mr Both comes to town because I still have no idea what

it could actually have been saying. I'm sure it was a tour de force, but I found no evidence of it. I do want to go off topic for just a second because the New York Times article this all happened during like free market Day at the World's Fair, but that wasn't the only day that it was that day at the World's Fair. So I want to read the end of this New York Times article. It just gives some weird insight and how strange America was in the

day before the Internet. Yesterday was also law Day and the Festival of Gas served Unlikely served as unlikely chambers for about a hundred judges of the city in judicial robes. The day too was Betty Crocker Day, Loyalty Day, Northeastern Poultry Producers Council Day, Personal Affairs Day, and King's County Day.

And the list is growing. Today at the Fair will be Garden City, Boston, Massachusetts, Tours Day, Manhattanville, College of the Sacred Heart, Scandinavian New York State Day, Temple or Elohim Day, willing Born Township Day, and Crazy Hat Day. Crazy one is just fun fun for the Wait, how many days was Okay? I mean, let's count here. So this was yesterday was law Day at the Festival of

Gas Gas. I need to know more, no more about Also I love like, I mean, what kind of gas Loyalty Day, Loyalty Day, but also like Funny Hat Day, Funny Day. Well now that was the next day. So the day that this article is about was Free Market Day, Law Day in the Festival of Gas, Betty Crocker Day, Loyalty Day, Northeast, it was like seven or eight days one. Well, you know what, I think that's rude because you shouldn't have to share your special day with several others. But

you know, I'm sorry, Katy. This is capitalism. And the more days you jam into a single day, you're getting four weeks for the price of two days. Just pledge your loyalty. And you were a silly hat. Yeah, crazy hat, crazy yeah, different days. Yeah. Fred Clark died in nineteen seventy three in the American Economics Foundation went rapidly downhill from there. They moved back to Cleveland in the early in nineteen eighties, which was not an inspiring time to

move back to Cleveland. Everyone was doing the opposite actually in the eighties, if you recall sorry Cleveland, but you know from Ohio like places. But yeah, not even want to go to bed for Cleveland. I'd say Cleveland's my least favorite city name. M name of a city, Yeah, it just is like, well, because I think that it must be a city founded by a guy named Cleve. And then we can imagine a guy named Cleve not being great Land of Cleve. Yeah, no, no, thank you, Yeah,

like John clevesond or something just Cleve. It doesn't about of Cleve is his land. We're gonna build a city so gross the river catches on fire. So yeah. The American Economic Foundation moved back to Cleveland the eighties, and instead of hosting World's Fairs, they launched a massive mailing list across the country, essentially seating the United States with far right free market values. Most of what they did

until their dissolution was sent out pamphlets and mailers. One such pamphlet was The Tin Pillars of Economic Wisdom, a sort of tin Commandments for libertarian free market economics. As Fred Clark saw it. Now, the Tin Pillars had first been revealed at that nineteen sixty four World's Fair. I love the idea of like the big reveal, the big reveal, everyone's a waiting, No one knew what they were. We were all just getting money, and I know where it

came from. Full the curtain ground. Here the Pillars strongly hint that the best possible world is one where workers listen to their bosses and don't ask for raises, because asking for raises will decrease the amount of money workers take home. Of course, that's just basic economics. Yeah, that's math right there. This list of Robert Baron capitalist wisdom wound up outlasting the American Economic Foundation and spreading throughout the libertarian right. It was picked up as an educational

supplement by the Free Enterprise Education Institute. Now the Free Enterprise Education Institute was found in nineteen seventy six, three years after Clark died, by a fellow named Roland's story. He'd been a vaudeville performer, Yeah I got that name. Uh, and an oil and gas industry businessman in Houston, which is a neat mixtry. He's a mix of the two things you assume would be most racist. In nineteen seventy anyone's still doing vaudeville and the oil and gas industry

in Texas. He lived in Houston, and he decided that his calling was to indoctrinate young Texans into the virtues of libertarian economic theory. Indoctrinate specifically, Oh yeah, very much. So. He ran like after school specials and programs and yeah, they know what they have to do, they know what they have to do. Get them young. One of stories students called him the Santa Clause of liberty. Yeah, you guys enjoyed that the book The Wilderness, which is now

shamefully outdated. It was published in when the election started up. It was about how that giant sixteen Canada Republican primary slate came about. And the book was definitely written with the angle that, like, the Republicans are going to lose this election, let's try to figure out how things got so fucked up. But that didn't happen anyway, they said on that book a little bit longer, but it does

give some good background into Mr. Story. Quote. Story educated his students about the brightest minds of free market economics. They poured over Fredrick Hayek and Milton Friedman and marveled at Frederick boss Jatt's denunciations of socialism is legal plunder. A veteran of vaudeville, Story like to recreate constitutional conventions and assigned students to play delegates and mock debates. That's fun. Also, I got a note Fredrick Hyak Frederick boss jat both

Fred's they are it's the fucking friends. I'm more on board with the fred Frederick. And also I apologize if there are any friends listening, I don't think there are no If there are Fred's listening. You have to pay reparations for the damage that other friends have done. Yeah, I'm sorry, We're sorry. It's your responsibility. The rules. Fred Claus movie, Fred Claus speaking, and Vince Vaughan is a libertarian. Yeah, there all checking out? All. Yeah, if you are a Fred.

The only thing that can stop a bad Fred with dangerous far right ideology is a good Fred with name a good friend with dangerous ideology. I can't I can't think of a good friend with any kind of ideology. Fred's and Cleveland all taking a hit today? What about the friend staff as you quit? The cute little boy in frid Fred Savage. Oh you haven't heard about Fred Savage? Man. No, there's a six part behind the Bastards about Fred seton

a lot of a lot of people lost hands anyway. Uh. Continuing on Roland's stories, most gifted student was a thirteen year old boy named Ted Cruise. There we go. Rafael Edward Cruz born on December twenty, nineteen seventy was the son of Rafael Cruz, a Cuban American who fought against the Batista regime and fled his home country after Castro took power. His mother Eleanor Wilson was just some lady

from Delaware. Ted Cruz was actually born in Canada. His mom and dad owned a seismic data processing firm in Calgary before his parents split up and his dad moved the kids to Texas in nineteen seventy four, and now not long after that, his mom came back and the family stayed together until I think like nineteen seven when they divorced. I don't know if these marital difficulties bled into the childhood of the young Ted Cruise. I do know that he was a brilliant student and a habitual

overachiever in school. These aspects of his personality only increased when Roland story began to groom him. Not liking where this is go on marriages that you get divorced, get back together, and then get divorced again. That's something else that has to affect someone. I mean, you gotta assume, right, yeah.

I just don't like knowing that Ted Cruz isn't what he turned into and just being like, oh, like a wide eyed kid is like moved to Texas and he's an overachiever, Good luck buddy, Oh no, oh no, And Roland is involved stories after school studies sessions had a huge influence on Ted's already conservative upbringing because his dad, Rafael, who will talk about later, pretty far right, but Rafael,

his father did later recall quote. Instead of reading comic books, Ted was reading Adam Smith, he was reading Milton Friedman, he was reading von Mices, he was reading Frederick bass yat tolerable. Intolerable certainly doesn't sound like a kid anybody wanted to sit with it lunch. It's probably worth noting since we did a two partner in the Koke Brothers that Milton Friedman and Ludwig von miss both taught at

Robert Lefeb's Freedom School. If you remember from that Cooke Brothers two partner at the Freedom School was both funded by in a major influence on Charles Coke, among other things, that them school believe that slavery should be legal as long as it's just free people selling themselves into slavery. Those words work well together, Like that makes sense. What

a hill to pic to die on? Unbelievable people in slavery. Yeah, it's just looking out at the world and being like, you know what the fucking problem is, nobody can selve themselves into slavery. I also love like there are so many libertarians out there who like when you bring that up, like, well, that's really like, that's not what we think, Like, yeah, you literally do, like it's it's the basis is a

lot of the thought that underlies this ideology. My body, my choice, I guess I mean, but no, because you can't consent to being eaten by someone my slavery. To say that I did not mean it my body. Ludwig von Miss, in addition to being a pillar of libertarian economic theory and a major influence on young Ted Cruz, was a member of the board of advisors for the Miss Institutes Rampart journal. His name is attached to several issues of that journal that include articles denying the Holocaust.

It just a fun little for the Nazi connection. There's well, they support the Nazis. There's always a Nazi connection. There's always a Nazi connection. And it is weird how many libertarian journals and writers in the seventies and eighties, in particular, back before the Internet, we're writing a lot of stuff about how the Holocaust didn't add up to them. It seems like a lot of classical liberals really, really supporting

Hitler in the early days is weird. I don't know, there's no I don't even have a bit about the Holocaust denial here. It's it's just the thing that people. It's just the thing that people choose to do. Yeah, Like some people might choose to be slaves and something might choose to be slaved. It's their choice. Choice is what makes America great now. Shortly after he began working with story Ted, Cruz was picked to be a member of the Constitutional Corroborators. Uh, dorks and you say that

Cody as a dork complete? I know, like we've all made substantial chunks of our living making fun of Star Wars. I've been on podcasts where I only played dungeons and dragons. But these fucking um now, just judging by that name, what do y'all think that Constitutional Corroborators might have been any any guesses? Corroborating the Constitution? Cool kids from sort of judicial Watch, Yes, that's what it seems like. That would actually be cooler. Um. There were groups of five students.

Each group of corroborators was five students who attended Stories after school programs and trained to be able to write out the entire Constitution from memory. They also read out a definition of socialism when they presented this, which was portrayed as being in direct opposition to the constitutions. Now, the corroborators toured local chambers of commerce and rotary clubs, various groups and association stuff like that around North and central Texas. They toured and let them watch to them

right constituent. They would show up in front of groups of generally older conservative people and these five kids would get a bunch of white boards out and they would write out the Constitution from memory using anemonic device that they'd memorize children. Yeah, early teens. That's a good show though. Yeah. I mean, I guess if you don't have Netflix, if good music hasn't been invented yet, which it hadn't been in the eighties. Yeah, in my day, we just watched

kids write words on white boards. That was the only Netflix we needed. I love groups like this, like Charlie Kirk kind of person, or like um, like even Paul Joseph Watson's like, oh, your fans are all over sixty conservatives and they just love that there's finally a young person saying what they're thinking. They just want to see a young person who agrees with them. That's it's it's perfect, It's it's amazing. Now, Taylor's Taylor Taylor at least as old as the nineteen age story. He was one of

the first people doing this, uh in a really organized way. So. One of Ted's fellow constitutional corroborators was Laura Callaway. She joined the group in her senior year at Deer Park High School. She'd been invited there by her friend Jeff who she had a crush on, who was on the debate team. Uh. This study group is how Stories Free Enterprise Education Center hooked most of its young members. The even offered scholarships to sweeten the deal. Here's what Laura

recalled later in a medium post. The nonprofit programs director, a jocular round man named Roland Story sends us boxes of books, textbooks wrapped in shiny plastic, textbooks unavailable at school, but textbooks that tell the real story behind our country's founding fathers. There are lots of quotes by Thomas Jefferson. Sounds situation, sounds like a Praiger youth situation before the Internet. Now, she enjoyed the study program and most of the people

in it with one notable exception, Ted Cruz. I've heard about him from my friend, She writes it in the present tense. I've heard about him from well, no, I've heard about this before she got into She says, I've heard about him from my friends, that he is a master debater and long term member of the organization. When we are introduced, it is the first time I feel as if someone has sized me up, found me wanting, and moved on all before I finished Hello. It is

not a good feeling. I don't think I'm going to like Ted. Laura was about thirty years ahead of the rest of So we're going to get into some more about the constitutional corroborators and the rest of the evolution of ted Rick Cruz, which is not his name. Fuckett might as well be a friend? Might you might as well be a friend? Friend and Ted basically basically the same uh to Fred talk. But first we have to

corroborate not the constitution but products that people can buy. Yes, it was kind of products does support you show in a in a way in a way absolutely, and even better than that, as the consumer, you will have the power in this new relationship you're entering into I love having power. Let's all become powerful and listen to these ads. Can't wait, we're back. We're talking about Ted Cruz and his youth as a constitutional corroborator. You Ted Cruz was

born forty three. Yeah, has not changed much since. Now we're talking about Laura who who just announced that she did not like Ted Cruising immediately the instant she talked to him. At one point, Laura and her fellow corroborators were invited to in American Ideas seminar at the State Conference Center This is in Houston. They attended classes and lectures about the free market and limited government. One of their most important pieces of curriculum was the Tin Pillars

of Economic Wisdom. Yeah, it all ties together well. Fred Clarke, who wrote those pillars was long dead by this point, and it's now so forgotten that I barely found anything about him online. His ideas clearly spread to a new generation of young conservative. The Tin Pillars had a profound impact on young Ted Cruz. His favorite pillar was the

second government has never are a source of goods. Everything produced is produced by the people, and everything that government gives to the people it must first take from the people. What well, Like you know how when the government builds roads, they take roads from you, and you don't. You have less roads, but the government has more. Or like when the government provides an ambulance after you're in a car wreck, you have less ambulances. You have an ambulance, but then

you get into the government. That's how it works. I'm familiar with this, Siller. Yeah, because just like from living life in society and looking around, I could have guessed pill. I used to have a United States Marine Corps, but now that I pay taxes, it's completely out of my control and now they're I have to give it. That

sort of sort of yeah, it's not the same. Laura described the American idea seminar as church camp for libertarians, which is certainly how it sounds, quote as if it's normal conversation we discuss ideas over dinner, Like the only thing government should do is provide for the common defense, fire stations, privatize medical care even medicare, definitely privatize education. All school should be private. Education is a privilege, not

a constitutional right. What the fucking people, how do you even like start to talk about those kinds of topics? Those people I just want to live in a nation where poor children are free to be illiterate and sell themselves into slavery, signing their name, writing their marks on contracts they can't read. That's seems like freedom to me. Maybe that doesn't seem like freedom to everyone. That's freedom I want. I want to have to I think education

should be profitable. So all the decisions that one would make in giving somebody the education is based off of how much money you'll make, which I think would give that person a good education, because it's motivated by doing whatever in order to make money. Absolutely, and that's always been where our greatest advances have come, when the only thing on the line was was profit. Absolutely, That's how we cured polio. That's why Jonah Sulk, you know, famously

became a billionaire from the polio vaccine. That's why all of those NASA scientists who put a man on the moon got super rich. Yeah, that's absolutely true. Stereotype of the mansion owning NASA scientists there was. It was rich fat cat scientists sitting on their ivory Apollo launch of scientists. Now, Laura felt some disconnecting these conversations because she'd gone to a public school, and she was at a public school,

and she thought she got a pretty good education. But despite some lingering doubts, she did find the whole experience almost intoxicating. The most exciting part for me is feeling important, being treated as a thinking adult, and getting to spend the weekend at a fancy conference center. It is the nicest hotel room I've ever been in, and the banquet room has crystal glasses, and there is a magic show

and the college kids have beer. Sign me up. I mean, I should note Texas in the eighties you could drink and drive still that was like teen and ecstasy was legal, so this was quite the time to be in a hotel in the Houston area. I'm sure they had a lot of fun. So it's perfect as it is, just like, all right, we're gonna say this, and then old people

are going to be excited. The young people are talking about these things, and the young people are gonna be excited because they get to pretend to be fancy and old, just a little feedback and to feel like they're better than other young people who are busy getting educations and not being indoctrinated. Yeah, it's great. I wonder if any current far right media personalities had upbringings in any way similar to this. Wow, that's an interesting question. I bet

nothing will come of that. Yeah, there's no way to look into people like where Charlie Kirk. Probably there's probably nothing there. There's probably no similarities. So let's let's talk about the only time this ever happened. Now. Laura studied with Ted Cruz and their fellow Constitutional cooperators to memorize the Constitution. As I stated, she claimed, Story hired anemonic expert to create a tried and true method for helping

kids memorize the Constitution. This is necessary, but because stories goal was to basically mass produce constitutional corroborators to travel around and while the easily wallable all around the United States. The time Laura was involved, there were at least six different teams of corroborators touring the country at a given time. Laura recalled a usual visit quote. We arrive at a rotary club meeting and set up our easels in large pads of paper without notes. We use our clever pnemonic device,

and we each write the headlines of our sections. Mine include articles four, five, six, and seven. Rooms full of almost all white men over the age of fifty wearing blue suits are very impressed. Yeah, yeah, that checks out, check right there. Now. A major motivation for Laura and most of the other corroborators was the chance to win scholarships during one speech competition hosted by the Fortune five auto parts manufacturer Tentaco. Laura placed first, Ted Cruz placed third.

We have a picture of them receiving their awards and you can see the barely restrained fury and Ted's eyes. Now, this will be on Behind the Bastards dot com. I gotta pass this around and just get y'all to describe how Ted Cruz looks in that picture. I'm not am I imagining that the definition of all teeth, no smile, Like I'm smiling like they tell me to. But his eyes are dead, which we're all familiar with dead eyes, like a doll's eye. Yeah, he's familiar with what smiles

should look like. He's had smiles described to him. It's the exact because if you've ever heard Ted Cruz talk, he's got that like, here's how I've talked to you. This is how a genuine person speaks. And that is that smile. That is that smile. Clearly, smiling was not one of the tin pillars of economic wisdom, so he just didn't study it. Now. Ted went to Second Baptist High School, which was a fairly expensive private school in Houston.

First First Now. According to the book he wrote before running for president, the title of which I have forgotten and I'm not going to give in this episode, fuck itt uh Ted Cruise. But according to this book that Ted Cruz wrote, Ted Cruiz was one of the cooler kids that Ted Cruizes high school. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ted Cruise might be, but I'm not. Quote midway through junior high school, I decided I'd had enough

of being the unpopular nerried. I remember sitting up one night asking a friend why I wasn't one of the popular kids. I ended up staying up most of that night thinking about it. Okay, well, what is it the popular kids do? I will consciously emulate that. That is that's where he learned how to smile. Well, that's everything, is Ted Cruise. If you've seen the pictures of him, video with him and his family and stuff, He's consciously emulating a human being with a wife and children. That's

Ted Cruise. Anytime he tries to kiss his wife for a child, ohoy, just the worst moment. They seem offended that he's near them. There was an article today about his wife. We can talk about that later, but it was tragic breaking. It's really sad. They're sationship and how she basically, well, we can get to him. I would describe the way that human beings look when Ted Cruz kisses them. Human beings that Ted cruize is related to

the way they look when he kisses them. It's not like I know, you know, people get like pictures of like Milannia and try and some of them look like, you know, a couple that's having a fight and they're a little angry or something like that. But like most couples will have moments like that in their relationship. When Ted Cruz kisses one of his beloved family members, it looks like almost gravitational force repelling. Yeah, like magnets that

are going further away. It's a it's an instinct. It's not even emotion right, right, There's like there's coldness that you can see in relationships, but then there's like just recoiling. Yeah, and how could you not recoil from how could you? But no, there's no This isn't even about his appearance. This is about yea sure. I mean this woman remembers meeting him for the first time and like within seconds, like dating. This is a bad human being. Yeah. Now.

Ted says that in order to get popular, he got involved with sports, got contact lenses instead of glasses, and was soon a regular party boy. He was even briefly suspended for smoking pot um I know, yeah, according to

the Guardian quote. On other occasions, he wrote, he was beaten up by drunk older kids at two am and reprimanded by the principle for a prank that involved covering a rival schools building in toilet paper and shaving cream, then fleeing in a nineteen Ford Fairmont with Wagner's Right of the Valkyries blaring out of the car. Sta do think being popular includes getting beat up? Yeah? I think so. It's attention. Okay, so now we disconnect here. I'm well

known for getting beat up at two am. Also, I mean, I will say a lot of people listen to Right of the Valkyries while doing various things. The choice of Wagner, Yeah, a little fashion, but maybe not in those days. Though maybe not in those days people aren't aware. People know Apocalypse now would just come out. Maybe that's it. Yeah, maybe it was like he was a populyce. Now that I know, Ted is a big film puffy and he likes art, so I'm sure that he was. Really he

does enjoy a nice art, likes to eat it. I'm a big fan of the art. Many of Cruz's former fellow students and teachers do agree that Ted Cruz was widely seen as very intelligent and gifted. He was the valedictorian of his class in night. He was always an outspoken conservative and always clear that his goal in life was to get into politics. It seems like, rather than becoming popular by acting less nerdy, Cruz actually gained most

of what popularity he did have from his nerdiness. Second Baptist was a big speech and debate school, and Ted Cruz was a fantastic debater. Uh speaking of someone who was in speech and debate in Texas, it is definitely a community that attracts outspoken, annoying, opinionated conservative kids, which I was when I was Ted Cruz's age in an attacks in high school. So I can guess what a

lot of those conversations were like yeah, yeah. Now when he graduated in nineteen, seventeen year old Ted Cruze wrote this description of his hopes and dreams in his yearbook. Upon graduation, Ted hopes to attend Princeton University in major in political science and economics. From there, he wants to attend law school, possibly Harvard, and achieve a successful law practice. He then wants to pursue his real goal, a career

in politics. Ted would like to run for various political offices and eventually achieve a strong enough reputation and track record to run for and win president of the United States. Presidency has been Ted Cruz's goal from the very beginning. Yeah. I mean, I was a sixteen year old conservative debater who wanted to be the president, and then I became an eighteen year old who had to pay rent and

realized that wasn't a job A good person once. Also, like that video of him from high school, I think, oh, yeah, that's what we're about to get into. Yeah. So, in a video filmed right after graduation, Ted Cruz lays out his ambitions in a much less polished fashion, and we're just gonna play this whole video for y'all. Have you both seen this? Oh good, Katie, I'm excited for this. Cody, just live through it again. So let's listen to eighteen

year old Ted Cruise talk about his hopes and dreams. Katie. I think you should be able to you can at least see him because he's um, he's a character character that like went on my butt. Let's don't know, I see what you want me to do. What I want to do in life, Well, my aspiration is to uh oh, I don't know, being a teen pit film like that guy who played Horatio. You know he was in Malva

Bikini beach shop. Well, other than that take Over the World roll, everything written, powerful, that sort of stuff, that was, of course a fake Ted Cruise campaign at using that now, normally it would be unfair. I did worse stuff than that when I was eighteen. I don't want anyone seeing

the videos I made when I was eighteen. No, no, no. The thing that's in interesting about this is that this is probably the best thing Ted Cruze ever did from a moral standpoint, because he's not actively harming anyone in that video other than perhaps the cameraman. So Ted did get to go to Princeton and he went to Harvard after that. But his roommate at Princeton was a guy named Craig Mason. Now Craig would later go on to write the screenplays for the Hangover movie trilogy. Good on, Craig,

I guess, yeah, all right for himself. Weird that that took a Princeton education, interesting way to Yeah, for sure. Life's funny like that. Nothing against it. Of all of the movies that star, you know, the guy who was sexy for a hot minute and then he got huge and he played that sniper who lied about Jesse the body of Ventura. That guy Bradley, I thought, Okay, is he still alive? He is? Apparently he's looking real hot

in his new movie. A Star was born. Good directed that Lady Garga movie and started this Lady Gaga, she's still alive. Fantastic, they're all still living? Good I didn't. Sophie is covering her her face. Yeah, well, you know what. You know more about those people then, and I know more about Ted Cruz. So so is the winner now, although everyone is about to know the same amount about Ted Cruz, who is still alive? Who is still alive?

Technically that's the point. Now, when we get back, we're going to talk about what Craig Mason has to say about Mr Cruz. But first, you know, what I love is not Dorito's. I do love Cres, but I'm no longer giving free ad space to Dorrito's. Well, I just feel a little bit like you got to move on. I understand. I mean they're not answering. That's just yeah, you have to if you love something, let it, let it go. Let it go and maybe it'll come back

to you. And provide free ads for Stretch Island fruit leather. The only fruit leather that is currently sitting on the table as we record this podcast. That's true, that's the only one I right now. Fantastic. All right, here's some ads that paid us and we're back. We're talking about Craig Mason, who, when Ted Cruise ran for president, his former roommate, Craig Mason, screenwriter of the Hangover movie series, got onto Twitter and started to talk about his opinions

on his former roommate, Ted Cruise. It turns out he doesn't like him very much. You know. There's some interviews with Mr Mason and like with Laura, it sounds like Craig pretty much hated Ted Cruise from the moment they met. Quote. I remember very specifically that he had a book in Spanish and the title was was Carl Marks a Satanist? And I thought, who is this person? Even in nineteen eight he was politically extreme in a way that was surprising to me. It's all, Oh, it's all there, it's

all there, hasn't changed. For reference, here is a picture of Ted Cruz at the time. This is his yearbook photo actually from high school. And I'm going to hand this to, let's say, Katie. I just just described for me as best you can the look on his face in that yearbook possessed. I mean, his eyes are kind of rolling back. It's almost like he's a shell of a man possessed by the spirits of two dead conservative ideal laws. I know him. Yeah, I've seen this person. Yeah,

I've seen this person today writing their opinions on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's pretty remarkable. Now. The Daily Beast talk to Mazing and several other members of Princeton's nineteen ninety two

graduating class. These people all knew Ted Cruise at the time, and the Daily Beast concluded after all their interviews that quote, the Ted Cruz who arrived as a college freshman in nineteen eight was nearly identical to the man who arrived in Washington as a freshman Republican senator in two thousand thirteen, Which is one thing everyone agrees about with Ted Cruz. He has not changed at all since he was a child. I mean, yeah, when you're indoctrinated that early, Yeah, you're

not going to pick through that. We're just digging deeper. You're going to think that Carl Mark saving you already know the ten pillars of economic wisdom? What else is there to know? Now? Eric Leitch, who lived with Ted Cruz at one point during their time at Princeton, said quote, it was my distinct impression that Ted had nothing to learn from anyone else. The only point of Ted talking to you was to convince you of the rightness of

his views. The worst kind of person. Yeah, yeah, and again, very much sounds like a high school speech and debate kid. I've resembled that at a time in my life. Normally, you go into the world, you meet other people, you realize you're not as smart as you thought. You encounter some surprises, you meet people with different backgrounds, and you become less of that Ted Cruise never did. Yeah, yeah, right. You slowly realize like, oh, I'm a dumbas. Oh I'm

an idiot. I don't have all the answers. Life's really complicated. I should listen to other people that you have to be able to learn and grow from your mistakes to do that, though, So I wonder if that's something we'll see Ted Cruise do or if he'll just be continually noted as an unchanging monolith of man. At this point, it's too late. I don't start now. No, No, other classmates at Princeton called College Cruise abrasive, arrogant, creepy, and

a crank. The Daily Beast notes that four former classmates all independently described him as creepy. That's also half of Congress, like you, like, you don't even need to say, like, oh, someone said this about Ted Cruizes correct, just like described Ted Cruise for a second. If there was a vote in Congress as to whether or not Ted Cruiz was creepy, it would be the only unanimous vote our Congress has had.

Ted Cruise would vote yes. Finally, Finally, some bipartisanship and kind of like, if we can't come together on this, what can we agree to? Start with the basics? Ted Cruise grossest ship right, Okay, the floor. I'd like to agree with my colleague, Ted Cruises absolutely creepy stares at me in the bathroom. Yeah. Ted Cruise apparently had a habit of putting on a Paisley bathrobe and wall walking to the other end of the dorm where all the

women lived and just sort of hanging out there. No, no, no, yeah, that's what Craig Mason says. I would end up fielding the girl's complaints. Could you please keep your roommate out of our hallway? Ted Cruise. Now, Cruise played poker regularly with a group of upperclassmen and was apparently just as bad at that as he is at all vanig stuff. He wound up owing eighteen hundred dollars in nineteen eighties

money to several students. That's a lot a lot of months, like six grand a day in like college yeh and college an insane amount of money. It's crazy now, Ted Cruizes campaign spokesman in two fifteen was asked about Ted Cruz being terrible at poker, and she confirmed that Senator Cruz once had a quote foolish poker problem. He went to his aunt, who worked at a bank in Dallas, and borrowed eighteen hundred dollars from her, which he paid

in cash and promptly quit the game. Is A spokesman claims that he worked two jobs and gradually paid his aunt off over the next two years. Physical responsibility, responsibility more than he's shown as a congressman, which we'll get to in a second. Now. In general, it seems like the kids who were in debate club with Cruise actually did like him, and everybody else kind of hated him. His old debate partner speaks particularly well of Ted Cruz. Quote, I consider Ted to be very kind. He's a very

very gentle hearted person. He took me under his wing and was a mentor to me. He was very kind to me. I am a much smarter and much better person today because of Ted Cruz. What did he want? I don't know, don't you know? It seems like some people did like him, really didn't. I think it's probably just that like that kind of relationship that he like. Some people are looking for that kind of relationship and Ted Cruz only response to that kind of relationship, like

he's sizing everybody up, like you're useless to me. I think you're beneath me, So I'm not going to treat you well. This Oh I can mentor I can, I can indoctrinate him. And he's a debate kid who's never off. Other debate kids who were never off probably get along with him. So one thing no one denieses that Ted Cruze was exceptionally good at speech and debate. He won a bunch of stuff. Here's how The Daily Beast described

his place in that community. Debate weekends included Friday night parties that Cruise often attended, where he was remembered to be sort of a stud with girls on the debate circuit. Princeton debators also said he spent extra time mentoring them to improve their skills, even though they competed against each other Ted Cruz, that's nice. Pretty Much everyone, whether they loved or hated Ted Cruz, agrees that he has not

changed at all since he was a teenager. After graduation, Ted attended Harvard Law School and pretty much immediately got into government work. He was the first Hispanic solicitor general of Texas and also the longest serving Solicitor General of Texas from two thousand three to two thousand eight. He argued in front of the Supreme Court a number of times, including to defend a Ten Commandments monument at the Austin

State Capitol. His proudest moment was arguing Medine versus Texas before the Supreme Court, which defended the state of Texas right to execute a Mexican citizen without letting him talk to his consulate. Imagine that being the the hell you want to die on. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of a complicated case, but that's sort of what it boils down to, is they didn't inform Ammy at a Yeah. Anyway, it's my soul skating riv slowly sliding out of you. That's

the Ted Cruise effect. Now, for a long time, cruizes ambition was to become the Attorney General at the United States. But rather than getting good with Mitt Romney and try to wangle a job as Attorney general if he you know, somehow one in two thousand twelve, Ted Cruz made the in retrospect wise decision to run for Senate in two thousand twelve instead one in the primary and that victory was one of the most stunning upsets of the entire year. He was essentially swept into office by a wave of

Tea Party sentiment that was still a big deal. Back in two thousand twelve, he won the general election as well, and just like that, Ted Cruiz was one step closer to his dream of becoming the president. Here's young Ted Cruise, fresh faced, looking good. I mean, that's all very He's just such a tweet, such a tete. I love the pictures of Ted Cruiz with a gun because he holds a gun like someone who's had them described to him before. That's about it. And he's aware of what they are.

He's aware of what they are. Have you seen him shoot the bacon? Oh god, yeah, that's a bad one, so embarrassing. Yeah, where he's trying to cook the bacon, it's like, what are you like? Wait, and he shoots it instead. No, no, no, you can cook bacon on a collash on any kind of gun that has a long enough exposed like wrap, you wrap the bacon around. They shoots it and heats it up and then he eats it. And because he's a real Texan man, I used to live in Texas and did a bunch of shooting,

and we would for fun. You do stuff like crack eggs in the receiver of a clashnikov or something, and you'd like line it with foil and you can cook eggs, you know, a couple of rounds and the eggs will cook, and it's like a fun thing drunk people do on the weekend. Not congressional candidates right to prove you're like Texan clout like no, Ted, this is no, you're not. You're not. It's your Canadian and it's fine, be okay

with that. So the next year, after being elected two thirteen, Senator Cruz made a name for himself in Washington, and by many accounts, not a good one. One of his first moments of dominance was arguing against the Women's Health Protection Act. Crews said that this act, which would have essentially there was a law in Texas that cut down by like half the number of abortion clinics that were allowed to be open in the state by putting a

new restrictions on them. This was a federal act that was supposed to basically stop that law and stop other laws like that all around the nation, so that women could have more access to safe sexual health care and abortions. Ted Cruz called this a manifestation of a war on women, and he claimed planned parenthood was unnecessary because there wasn't a shortage of rubbers is the term he used? Gross? Really gross? Sex? Have he has weighed in, Ted Cruz

actual sex have her yeah now. In late two thousand thirteen, Ted Cruz is one of several House Republicans who threatened the United States UH that they would shut down the government and refused to pass a new spending bell if that spending bell included any money for Obamacare. Cruz was one of the main architects of the shutdown, and he spoke for twenty one hours in order to help delay the vote. He read green, eggs and ham on the Senate floor for a section of this because politics is

serious business. Theoteen shutdown lasted seventeen days and cost the United States and estimated twenty four billion dollars. Ted Cruz now, he was not the only Republican obviously, who supported the shutdown. It's not the only Republican who are getting against the Women's Health Protection Act. One of the things that stands out about Ted Cruz is the sheer vitriol, a contempt that he's held in by other Republicans. It's really the thing that's remarkable about him, and it seems to have

started with John McCain. So McCain got mifted ted during that twenty one hour speech he gave arguing in favor of the shutdown because crews compared Republicans who voted to approve the Spinning Doll with Nazia peasers. Oh, Ted, you don't know what you're talking. If you go to the nineteen forties Nazi Germany. Look, we saw in Britain Neville Chamberlain who told the British people except the Nazis. Yes, they'll dominate the continent of Europe, but that's not our problem.

Let's appease them. Why because it can't be done. We can't possibly stand against them. Not when Neville Chamberlain said not at all, not at all, would never Chamberlain, Uh part, for the course, I don't know why, I absolutely not. John McCain, being a human being who's read a history book, was offended by this. He considered this inappropriate and shameful, especially since it was basically calling many Republicans who was friends with Nazis McCain took to calling Cruiz a wacko bird.

One of McCain's advisers later told a reporter, he fucking hates crews. He's just offended by his style. In two thousand sixteen, when Ted Cruz was running for office, you remember there was a little bit of a controversy over whether or not he could be president. What the whole board in Canada. Now, most Republicans were pretty adamant that Cruz was able to be president. John McCain said he didn't know the live interview, which is beautiful bit of

John McCain's shade right there. Maybe might be who knows, John McCain and I fucking hate Ted Cruise. How Speaker John Bayner, a Republican, called Ted Cruise lucifer in the flesh. Senaer Lindsay Graham, also a Republican, said in two thousand and sixteen, if you killed Ted Cruise on the floor of the Senate and the trial was in the Senate,

nobody would convict you there. It is. When Ted ran for president in two thousand, fifteen and sixteen, only one of his fellow congress people would stoop to endorsing him. Some guy from Utah. His fellow Texan John Cornyn wouldn't even do it. Yeah. Now, Cruise has been a consistent ticket. After the ISIS attacks in Brussels in March of two thousand sixteen, he suggested the government quote patrol and secure Muslim neighborhoods to stop radicalization. He proposed banning refugees from

Syria almost the incident they started fleeing from there. In two thousand fifteen, he sought and accepted the endorsement of Troy Newman, an anti abortion activist who is an anti abortion activist in the same way that hit there was an anti communist activist. Newman has called for the execution of abortion doctors and said that the entire nation will be quote blood guilty until people start murdering abortion doctors

in the streets. I Think Progress notes that that same year, Cruz was interviewed and asked if he knew of a single pro life activist who had ever advocated violence. Ted Cruz said he did not. Um, what what do you do on this podcast? If someone is speechless? Usually I just laugh. That's kind of my my self defense mechanism is just to giggle, just to giggle at this gargoyle of a man, and like, it's just I think this so many times every single day. Just say this to

his face and record it. And then when he says no, say but Mr Cruz, I have here on my phone. But we're drawn up. It's right here. We know for a fact you saw this guy's endorsement out here's things he said. I'm presenting you with all these facts that you can read right now. What do you have to say to that God? It would be nice if there were some group of people in society whose job was to speak truth to people in power. It would be really good if that job existed. Create that job. Did

we just invent a new thing? Yeah? It's like almost like a fourth branch of government, like a fourth sort of institution that you look like like in a state that's not one of the other three. Yeah, you don't want You don't want one of the three. You want like a fourth one. We'll circle back around on this. I feel like we're corroborators, because that's already taken. Could we just be corroborators? Corroborators the corroborators. Okay, well it's got your name in it, so that works. We'll circle

back on that there's something there. No one's ever called me rob and I don't approve of people doing it in this Roberts thank you. Now. Near the end of fifteen, right wing gunman Robert Dear murdered three people at an

abortion clinic. You may remember this. One week later, Ted Cruz claimed in an interview that Christians hadn't carried out terror attacks and centuries stating this at a rally, President Obama gave a speech in which he said, yes, Isis commits terrorist attacks, but so do Christians, and so do Jews. And then he invoked the Crusades in the Inquisition. Now, last I checked those in about nine years ago, and I don't think it's asking too much for the President

of the United States to stay in the current millennium. Now. Cruise reaction to the Deer shooting is interesting because he simultaneously shamed the news media for daring to assume that this massacre at an abortion clinic was a right wing attack, and he found a way to blame the left for

the murders. His initial statement was that basically he floated the idea that Deer was a quote transgendered leftist activist for really no reason at all but to be a dick, because it's just as plausible that a transgender leftist activist shot up an abortion clinic as a right wing anti abortion active. Clearly the same thing. Now, his sliminess during the two thousand and sixteen primary new no ideological bounds.

At different times during his campaign, Cruise sent out a photoshoped image of Marco Rubio shaking hands with Barack Obama. Uh nerve, how dare a member of Congress? My god, so did you refuse to shake the President's hand for eight years of shaking? It's just like a normal human thing to do. Anyway, Ted Cruz sent out a robot call design to trick Republican listeners into thinking Marco Rubio

supported amnesty. The actual audio of the call was essentially nonsense in Spanish, but it included the words Marco Rubio amnestia and immigrassion iligal, so that English speaking Republicans who didn't speak Spanish but overheard it on the radio would assume it was a Marco Rubio ad reaching out the Spanish speaking voters by promising them amnesty is illegal. You think that would be an illegal kind of thing to do? Yeah, you would think that would be a crime. That's incredible,

you know what I do think it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would say so. I love that. Uh. He definitely never had an answer for that. Yeah, like nobody ever held him accountable for. He also sent out a robotall attacking candidate Donald Trump for not supporting the Confederate flag. The recording started with a clip of Trump saying, put it in a museum, let it go, and then an announcer said, that's Donald Trump supporting Nicki Haley removing the

battle flag from the Confederate Memorial in Columbia. Trump talks about our flag like it's a social disease. That's not your flag, man, No, it's not. It's the flag of an enemy we beat. How did I just agree with something, Donald Trump. That's the amazing thing about Ted Cruiz is that now we're both sympathetic towards Marco Rubio and Donald Trump in the space of two paragraphs. Because Ted Cruiz

is that slimmy scare you. Now. Another thing Cruises campaign did was make a fake Facebook profile for South Carolina Congressman Tray Goudy, who had endorsed Marco Rubio. They had their fake out he endorsed Cruise instead and repeal. Now, the Cruise campaign officially denies they had anything to do with this, but come yeah, who did it then? Ted Cruz,

guy who has done nothing but the shadiest things. One of Cruiz's attack ads in the election was even banned because it basically blamed Marco Rubio for the San Bernardino terror attacks because he supported immigration reform. It's getting that man the presidency. This is a guy we need in the Oval office. Every time Ted Cruz has been on the campaign trail, his number one advocate has been his father.

Rafael Cruise is a pastor and a fiery speaker who can say things out loud that Ted Cruise only gets to think. Here's a brief list of things that Rafael Cruz has claimed over the years. Number one, the United States is a Christian nation. Number two Barack Obama is an outright Marxist who wants to destroy all concept of God. Number three, Barack Obama should be sent back to Kenya. Number four, social justice is a cancer. Number five gays and lesbians are a group of sexual deviance driving the

political agenda in this country. Number six, Barack Obama is setting up death panels and in two thousand fifteen had established quote another tyrannical dictatorship with no control by anyone. You guys, remember when Barack Obama established a dictatorship. I'd forgotten to thank you for the reminder. Remember, Yeah, it was really weird because uh we voted for a new president. Yeah. Yeah. The dictator was like alright, stepped down peacefully and did

everything he could to make the transitions move. Did everything he could like a dictator, classic Hitler move, making things easier for the next time. Hate dictator, classic Hitler move to accept the idea of the next guy. Now. Mother Jones published an article about Pastor Cruise as wildest Statements in October two fifteen. This forced Cruises spokeswoman to clarify

that Pastor Cruz did not speak for his son. Then Mothers found documents that proved one of Senator Cruz's aids had worked to help Pastor crew schedule his appearances and booked gigs, including paid gigs, which is probably illegal, but you know, just enough on the side of deniable that not much ever happened. It's impossible to overstate how critical Papa Cruz has been in his son's rise. Ted Cruz is, as of Americans, seemed to agree a gross, creepy weirdo.

His dad, however, fought against a dictator and survived being tortured. He's an immigrant hero success store, whereas Ted is just a kid who is good at debate. On the campaign trail, Ted claimed that his lifelong desire to quote fight for liberty had been born out of hearing his dad's stories of his time as a revolutionary. So that's what we're going to talk about next for a little while, because extensive research by The New York Times suggests that these

stories of Rafael Cruz are largely fabricated. Rafael Cruz claims that he was close comrades with a famous martyred student activists, Frank Pies, who died months after Cruz claims to have watched him die. Now. Rafael also claims that he was given up by a double agent and tortured by the Batista government. He claims he threw firebombs and blew up

buildings and was in general badass revolutionary. But The Times talked to numerous Cubans, both in Cuba and in the United States who were active in the country's rebellion at the time, and in interviews, Raphael Cruz's former comrades and friends disputed his description of his role in the Cuban resistance. He was a teenager who wrote on walls and marched in the streets, they said, not a rebel leader running guns are blowing up buildings. Here's the New York Times.

Leonor Aristuche seventy nine, a student leader in the fifties whom the Castro government later hired to verify the supposed exploits of revolutionary veterans, said a term existed for people like Mr Cruz oh Ya Laterro's or wishful thinkers, people wishing and praying that Batista would fall, she said, but not doing much to act on it. Now. Leonard is obviously biased since she works for the government, but The New York Times also talked to former rebels who now

live in the United States. They were all firm that Pastor Cruz had vastly exaggerated his part in the revolution. The truth seems to be that he was busted for carrying an illegal gun and beat up by the cops, but was never able to do much more than draw some graffiti. So if you're all up to date on American politics. You know that Senator Ted Cruz is currently running to defend his seat from the Democratic challenger Beto O'Rourke, who ran up on a skateboard and for some reason recently, yeah,

because somebody gave him one. They're like, it's like, here's skateboard. Oh, you wanted me to write it. Yeah, I'll be cool. I'll be I'll be I'll be the cool young candidate. Relatable. We all skateboard, we were all stateboarders here. It was a relatable thing to do if he had been running in Santa Monica, the only place I've seen the skateboard in the last nine years. So during this election, this

is a very tight race. Obviously, Beto has raised substantially more money than Ted Cruz, but Ted Cruz is a Republican with a beating heart in Texas, which gives him a pretty significant advantage still to overcome. Now. During this campaign, Cruiz has continued to use his trademark super Gross Slimy Eelman tactics. The campaign, for example, allows people to volunteer to send texts and to call voters on behalf of the campaign. Several Cruise people have apparently infiltrated the effort

as a way to slander Beto God. One of these infiltrators sent this text message out to random voters. Hi, it's Patsy here with Betto for Texas. Our records indicate that you're a supporter. We are in search of volunteers to help transport undocumented immigrants to polling booths so that they will be able to vote. Would you be able to support the scrassroots effort? Oh my god? Oh yeah, that's the good stuff, the stuff. Yeah. People making a big deal about this because all you can do is

just it's just more like it's all he does. I'm sorry, that's so upset and it's super sleecy. Yeah, just because like last weekend I was doing canvasing and the very first thing they said, be respectful to the other people, don't tear down other people's lines, don't do like this is we want people to vote. It to be fair. Actually, we respect each other in a democracy. Just don't like we're not like literal worms. Yeah, like we're not all

chomping at the bit to kill each other. Now, I'm gonna throw in a little Texan is m here for the listeners in Texas who are about to go vote Ted Cruz is oilier than a water burger. Rapper Burger is really popular in Texas. That new uh link later? Oh yeah yeah, the second was like, yeah, anyway, they talk about what a burger. Yeah, they talk about what it's It's a big thing in Texas for reasons that are inexplicable to people who don't live there. I've seen

the discussions that I just couldn't care less about. No, you shouldn't, you shouldn't. It's a it's the heat stroke. We're all of heat strike in Texas and it damages people's brains. And water Burger that's very popular anyway, water Burger. If you want to support the show, I will recant my statements about brain damage being the primary driver of sales to your hamburgers. It's actually the delicious taste. It's the delicious taste of water Burger. Actually like water Burger.

I don't know why. I'm just I'm just I'm hurt from the breakup with Derrito's, and I'm just throwing shade on innocent brands. Yeah, well, that's natural in a normal part of the healing process, don't you know. What else is natural in a normal part of the healing process. So now there have been a couple of different variations on the having members of the Cruise campaign infiltrate the Beto campaign and send out blatantly illegal text messages. There's

been a few different variations in this tactic. It's debatable obviously if Cruise had any involvement. I bet you would debate it really well. I bet he debated very well. He's a good debater, he's ready. He wanted to debate him about it too. It is worth noting that the Cruise campaign also sent out fundraising letters to raise money for the campaign, in an envelope that said summons enclosed, open immediately and looked like a court summons people who

opened it. It was actually a summons to give the Cruise campaign money. Uh, something that could backfire? It does? It does? He actually tried the same thing in two thousand fifteen, but with a voting violation notice printed on top to make dumb people think they've broken along. Grossest stuff for Ted or else. You're in trouble, like you can't be honest about your opponent, you can't be honest

about your own campaign. No it's so disgusting. There's nothing else to you that all you have is dirty tricks. It's just like dirty tricks that Richard Nixon would be like, dude, like get a dog and give a speech with a dog. Don't be fucking don't do this. Ship. It's not even like it's just like scamming. It's like you're just doing

cammera tax ye to get people to vote for you. Yeah, it's not even like sometimes you hear about sleazy political stuff where it's like, well, that's evil, but it's genius, right, like that that crosses the line a little bit, or like oh that's a little sleazy. No, this is just like scammer tactics. Yeah, blatantly. It's like he's trying to sign people from an MLM, but instead he's running for Congress. Yeah.

Now it's unclear at this point who's going to win at the mid term tex who's gonna who's gonna win that election. I think everyone listening to this can guess which side I'm on. I suspect more Republicans than will admit it, but I think everyone's sort of in the in the camp of like I just don't want to be involved in our national discourse. I mean the fact that Beto O'Rourke has closed the gap so much as

pretty remarkable. You know, Win Ted Cruz was arguing the Women's Health Act thing was a manifestation of a warren women. I was in Austin at that point and marched when Wendy Davis did her big filibuster, marched on the state capital with a bunch of friends. I had a concealed handgun license at that point, and I carried a gun with me. And when we went to the state capital to protest, I was with several ladies and they were searched and had to empty all of the tampons out

of their backs. They couldn't carry tampons into the Texas State Capital because the guards worried that they would throw tampons. But your gun was I was allowed to take my gun into the Capital house. Yeah, I could walk in with a loaded forty caliber. They saw semi automatic, and you, oh, yeah, I showed it. I showed they saw the guns because I'm a responsible gun onner. I showed him my license.

I did. Well, you know of women can't be trusted with tampons, Well, no, women can't be trusted with his tampons, with them shovel off their vagina. Well, if they threw a tampon, I mean, it is a potential projectile way deadlier than a forty caliber round traveling at percond That is bonkers. It's crazy, right, my god. Can you believe that ship? That is? I mean, I believe it sadly. Yeah.

Now it's anyone's guests obviously as to who's going to win this election no matter what happens, though, I think the story of Ted Cruise is ultimately quite tragic. He was raised almost from birth on the very specific ideals of two different conservative idealogues, Fred Clark and Roland Story. Both of these men are now dead and most of their ideals have sort of fallen by the way side, even in mainstream Republican society. Hence the whole constant expensive

wars overseas Ted Cruz. It's almost like he's the political equivalent of some sort of like AI defense system designed by an ancient race extinct. Yeah, and then the Aliens go. There's a Star Trek Next Generation episode called the Lost Outpost episode four, season one, and in this episode that the Enterprise and the Ferengi ship get captured essentially by

this planet. That's like there's this defense system on it that was part of an alien empire sixty million years ago or something that that has since fallen, and the AI that runs this defense thing doesn't know that the empire has fallen. That's that's kind of Ted Cruise. Yeah, full capacity, his systems online. Yeah yeah, still attacking, doing damage even though, but everyone that wrote the code is like long dead and wrong. Yeah, dead and wrong by tragic.

It is tragic, and I think a really accessible reference for the great episode. Not a great episode, knows. It introduced the Ferengi, which we're pretty anti semitic. Yeah, yeah, a little gross, Yeah, little gross there. I mean they're Ted Cruzy and there they are. It's like a whole race of Ted Cruizes. Yeah. Now that's all I have to say about Ted Cruz. Hopefully ever, hopefully better with Rourke beats him. Yeah, we might never have to talk about Cruise again. Yeah, we may never have to talk

about again. Or like I like part of the imagine is like, okay, so he loses the better and then he's like, oh well, now I'll find my principles and I'll run against Donald Trump. Uh, and I'll try to primary him because he's a principled man who wants you to vote your conscience. Like you said that one time

and then totally flipped around. I was. I was at the RNC and the one moment in my life I almost had an inkling of respect for Ted Cruz is when he gave that speech where everyone was expecting to endure Donald Trump and then he didn't. But then he did it anyway anyway, and it's just so embarrassed. It's

so shameful. Yeah, about your conscience dog just eating that pile of ship and then needing to do that fake smile afterwards, like it's not even that he's spineless, and that it's that he's such an absence of spine that

he lowers the bone density of people around. Yeah, and bringing back that article about his wife and her trying to spin it positive about stuff, and it's sad and you can maybe I'm reading between the lines, but I'm not about her lack of respect, Like she wandered onto the freeway on ramp one night because she had to give up her career to come do this for him, And then it was like, oh, a spiritual person on a Christian retreat, was you put on God to help

your husband all that stuff like that, and that that's what this article is about. And she's just like, well like just kind of biting your tongue about her gross, spineless husband that she can't possibly be attracted to. No, No, I mean, we're not going to go into detail, but we can all picture what we would think Ted Cruz would look like during sex. And it's gross. It's gross, and it's uncomfortable, and I have to imagine it's gross and uncomfortable for his wife for sure. Oh yeah, it

comes the sex. She did say that he was his moves. Here comes the sex, going to do a sex at you. He's gonna sex towards you, Ted Cruz. Alright, this has been behind the bastards. Katie Cody. You guys want to plug the plug doubles that you have to plug, there are many of them. Love to plug a show the news show. Yeah, a new show called some More News. You can check it out on YouTube, also on Twitter of the same name Some more News. Also our patreon dot com slash and we also have a podcast, Even

More News. It is what it is, It's even more even more and our Twitter accounts also exists in the world. All those things you can do, all those things we participate. Yeah, please give them money and get your news from them, because it's it's not good news. There's no good, but it's well delivered bad news. Fun. We have fun. To have fun. We have fun being frustrated with the news. Better to laugh while the world burns than fiddle with us. Yeah. Uh,

and I'm Robert Evans. You can find this podcast Behind the Bastards on the internet at behind the Bastards dot com. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram and at Bastards pod. You can find me at I Write Okay on Twitter. I also freelance articles for a an investigative journalism concern called Belling Cap. You can go there and donate money to them too. They're doing stuff like when Saudi Arabia bombed of school bus and killed forty children.

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