Secrets of Osama Bin Laden's Hard Drive

of the stuff you're up to right now? Yeah? You know you can listen to me tuesdays on this very network Nerdificent Monday's Katie Dinner with Matt Niffy talking spicy and you know, just every night pretty much, not every night, but you can see me at comedy clubs doing staying ups. Well, we are today talking about a very famous nerd who's not famous for being a nerd, but is famous for blowing up the World Trade Center towers, um Osama bin Laden. Uh. Yeah,

he is our subject for today. Uh. Now, when I started working on this podcast, I figured it was going to be like a biographical overview of his weird life and we're going to talk about all these things from his past and you know, all the all the stuff he got up to as a as a young man and a kid. Uh. And then I spent an entire week looking through the archives that the CIA posted of

everything that was on his hard drives. And so now this podcast is going to be mostly about that, because it is no matter what you've read about it, it's so much fucking crazier than what you would guess. Um. But first we are going to start with a little bit of an overview of the man, the myth, the big and tall gentleman himself, Osama Ibben Mohammed Ibben Awad ibbin Laden. He was born on March tenth, nineteen fifty seven, to Mohammed bin Laden's tenth wife, Ali Agammon. And as

you might guess, Mohammed bin Laden was richest shit. He was like a self made man, rags to riches sort of thing. Started off as a day laborer, built a billion dollar construction empire. Uh then fund married God knows how many women um in the Looming Tower. Lawrence Right describes Mohammed bin Laden's household as being run like a corporation. Each wife would manage your children and then report to him about how they were doing, so he didn't have

to do any parenting. Yeah, that's a pretty sweet deal. Um, here's a great quote. Uh, the children rarely saw the great man, who was off in away on business. Whenever he returned, he would call them into his office and gaze upon his vast brood. During the Islamic feasting days, he would kiss them and give each child a gold coin. Otherwise he rarely spoke to them. Osama once said quote, I remember reciting a poem to him, and he gave me a hundred rials, which was a huge amount of

money in those days. So that was like Osama's dad. Wow. Yeah, it is like once a week he would call them all in and give them coins. And you know, there's there's like an alternate universe where that money he got from that poem made Osama bin Laden become this great poet. He's looked at differently in universe six to six, where I'm not a stand up comedian, I'm a computer programmer. Uh rich off a bitcoin. I thought you were going to say that you did nine eleven and this alternate

Sama bin Laden where I do it. Um? So yeah. You you could describe ben Laden's relationship to his father as distant. It's possible he only actually saw him a couple of times. Um so yeah, Um Mohammed divorced his wife shortly after Osama was born. Um, this is an a sign that he grew up in a fractured at home because mohammedan Laden's thing was like marrying and divorcing a ton of women, but then he'd helped them pick

new husbands. Yeah, which is weird because like Osama wound up with his new dad being his real bio dad's uh employee, which is like a strange situation for everybody involved. Seriously. Yeah. Um so yeah, he never really knew his dad very well. He was raised by his mom and like the rest of us television, Um, his favorite show was Bonanza. His favorite genre was American westerns. Um, which actually puts him in the same boat as Stalin and Hitler, who were

both obsessed with American westerns. It's almost like there's something with westerns like that ideology. Yeah, and it makes sense that Clint Eastwood is a piece of ship like that. It all comes full circle. Yeah, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne just both big dicks and and yeah it's it's I guess a of course, a bunch of monsters and dictators would love a genre where like the basic premises like unstoppable killing machine with a gun, rides into town and

murders everyone who annoys him. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the story of the Old West. Um. Although another one of his favorite shows was a Western called Fury, which was about a young orphan who befriends a black horse that helps him heal the wounds of his past. Um and Solomon Laden loved horses. Was obsessed with horses. Will get into that in a little bit. Um. It's worth noting that for the last few years of his life,

been Laden wore a cowboy hat every time he went outside. Um. Apparently he thought this would hide his identity from US drones and satellites. I think he was just like, yeah, I want to be like the man with no name. Yeah yeah, which is that's a cool move if you're the most wanted man in the world donning a black cowboy hat. Hell yeah. I support Bin Laden in that, um. Bin Laden was a weird, quiet kid. He had trouble making friends and focusing on sports. He always seem to

have his head in the clouds. He didn't really find his crew until high school, when he joined up with the semi clandestine Muslim brotherhood. One fellow member said only nerds were in it. Um, it's kind of like an alt right four chance sort of thing, where like there's these weird conservative corners of like the nerdy Internet, where like people are just being turned into fascists and yeah,

like this was that equivalent of that. Like they're all these like nerds who think that like this hard lined interpretation of Islam should rule the world, and like they don't really get along with every anyone else. Yeah, so this is like an old trend in the world. Yeah, yeah, it seems very very cyclical. Yeah. Um, he was stubborn. Like I said, he was obsessed with horses, but he was also excited by danger. There's a quote from his friend Khalifa, who said, uh, and this is again from

Blooming Tower. We were riding horses in the desert and we were going very fast. I saw fine sand in front of us, and I told I, saw my this is dangerous. Better stay away. He said no, and he continued. His horse turned over and fell down. He got up laughing. Another time, we were riding in a jeep. Whenever he saw a hill, he would drive very fast and go over it, even though we didn't know it was on the other side. Really he put us in danger many times,

which is like I like that. I mean that that makes me connect to a Sama a little bit because he was a fan of the fun. Yeah, you know, all this stuff aside, he had a he had a soft heart for hidden nice jumps off of dude. Yeah, it was just getting that like, it's not really fun if you can't die. Yeah, I identify with that a little. Um. So Yeah. Osama married for the first time in seventy four when he was seventeen years old. His wife was

fourteen uh, which yeah yeah um. Marriage and his wartime experiences in Afghanistan didn't seem to change his fundamental nature as a gawky nerd. One person who met him as a young man in Afghanistan said that shaking hands with him was like shaking hands with a girl, which is a misogynistic way of saying. He was not very aggressive. He was known to cover his mouth with his hand while laughing, which is of adorable. Um. He's love of horses matured into an outright obsession. One man who met

him in nineteen eighty five described their first conversation. We were in a prayer hall in a guesthouse. People asked him to talk, so he talked about horses. He said, if you love a horse, he will respond to you. That's what was in his mind. Horses. So just a

horse love and dude. Yeah, um, yeah. So there's a lot of debate over how been Laden got radicalized and pushed into an ever more direct confrontation with the US Looming Tower, which is being turned into TV show right now, and makes the case that Zawahiri, the Egyptian co leader of al Qaeda, kind of radicalized him into attacking America. Another book I read for this just titled Asama bin Laden about Michael Scherer Um assures us that that's bullshit.

It's a line in the Saudi's pushed to diminish the culpability of their native son. Ben Laden would have wound up swinging hard for Uncle Sam without zawahirii's help. Either way, it seems like both of these are just saying not of the U s IS destabilization of the Middle East has nothing at all to do with it. It's definitely these other people. Yeah, it was something other than him just being piste off sticking their dick everywhere in Russia's

sticking there. Yeah, that's one of those things. Is like a kid I remember growing off, I was like, why did my eleven happened? Mom was like, well, they were angry at us for letting women be free and having alcoholics. Like no, we keep bombing them. They just just whenever we want, like this, this is going to be a small tangent, we'll bring it back. But it could have been any country that is screwed over by are just tug of war with the other superpowers in the world.

All it took was just someone with the gumption and just enough anger, and you have yourself in Osama bin Laden. Yeah, and that's like there, and there was probably a thousand other people who had the same anger and similar plans and just not the means. One of them happened to be a rich kid who was like you know, had established himself as a as a jihadi leader. But yeah, um and he like it is if you look at sort of the evolution of terrorism, like Osama fits right in.

Like in seventy two, when he was in middle school, members of the Palestinian terror group Black September kidnapped a bunch of Israeli athletes at the Olympics. It was the biggest story in the world. People stopped caring and just watching this terrorist thing. So it was like it was like a lesson as a young man that like, oh, media is the biggest thing about committing terrorism. Like that's what's important. It doesn't matter how many people you kill.

It matters where you kill them and whether or not, like it gets traction on the international news. Um and you know, obviously bin Laden was good at getting traction in the international news. By the end um and uh, he established a press office in the early nineties, and he sent out constant streams of messages and declarations in his pre nine eleven years. The problem was nobody read them. Some of this was down to the fact that he

sucked at writing titles. One article he sent out was quote message to his Muslim brothers in the whole world and especially in the Arabian Peninsula, which is not clickable. Yeah, yeah, nobody's gonna tweet that ship, yeah at all, Like not even you won't believe what happens next, Yeah, you won't believe what I have to say to Muslim brothers in the whole world and especially in the Arabian Peninsula. There there you go. All right, well we'll pitch that to BuzzFeed.

Um In bin Lan moved to Afghanistan. Uh. He and his colleagues were free here to like set up training camps and practice openly with weaponry for a while. It was a pretty cool time and profits and princes. Mark Weston describes it. The machine guns his followers used were mostly Russian and Chinese a K forty sevens, but also included Israeli oozys and American. In sixteens, the militants learned how to use dynamite, hand grenades, mortars, shoulder fired rockets,

C three and four explosives. Some nights they watched Hollywood action movies, partly to relax, but also to gain tips. That actually sounds like a pretty sweet life, like blowing stuff up in the desert all day and watching action movies at night. Like, I know, I love that they use it for chips, because I'm sure those tips weren't that great. A lot of terrorists holding guns sideways, Yeah, I used to imagine them watching True Lies and being so on board for that. Oh yeah, that's what we

got it. We got to get us a harrier jet. Watching die Hard, Die Hard, did nine eleven. He heard it here, folks. Um. Yeah, Bin Laden was a computer guy. He always had a computer with him because he was a hipster. He used an old MacBook UM, which he powered using an ancient gas generator that no one else

was allowed to use. UM. If you grew up in the immediate post nine eleven period, you might remember like those old diagrams of his fortress in Afghanistan where it would show like he has all these different chambers and munitions rooms and hydro electric generators. That was all lies. Um. He had a mountain fortress, but it like wasn't a G I. Joe set. It was just like a bunch of caves with a shitty generator and a power book. He spent nine eleven in a cave, barely able to

get a radio signal to here about the attacks. Um. But when he fled Afghanistan, he brought a media truck with him that had been upgraded with satellite TV receivers in radio antenna, so he could monitor the news about himself as it happened. That was always a priority of him. He wanted to know what people were saying about him and about the stuff that he was doing. UM. So post nine eleven, bin Laden is officially famous, but he still frets over his inability to connect with more people

on an intellectual level. Folks paid attention to his murders but not his ideas, which is a problem all the great Hartists have. Um when all kind of courier interviewed by The Guardian in Pakistan stated, every time I took a new tape, he told me how important my mission was and how this time the Muslims of the world would finally listen, and how I must absolutely deliver the tape to the right people. Which if you've seen any of those videos, it's just been loading talking to a

camera for hours. Like there's none of the flash the ices videos where they've got like Dutch angles and see that's where it's the next step that you have illusion there, Like see the reason it didn't catch fires He never took a course and after effects. Yeah, yeah, he didn't have anybody who could do like speed ramping and stuff. To like make it look cool. You got to put that Ally mcbeel baby in it. That'll give people listening,

you know. Um, if you'd one way, it looks like Osama kind of fell into the trap a lot of celebrities wind up and where they sort of obsess over media image and flip out every time they're misquoted or misinterpreted. Um Osama strikes me as someone who, if he was on Twitter, would be like James Woods, Um, just like

furious anytime somebody argues with him. Um. Obviously, he went on the run when the US invaded Afghanistan even like spent like five years in constant movement uh, successfully fleeing from the most powerful war and surveillance apparatus ever conceived. Then he moved to a compound in the suburb of a Bodhabad, Pakistan in January if two thousand six, Um, you don't stay hidden for five years in the compound from the United States by staying connected to the internet obviously.

So his compound didn't even have a phone line, um, but he still had access to the Internet, and it was like the courier version of dial up Internet. So he would type out emails to people and like a word document, and he would save him onto a thumb drive and then have a courier drive out to like an internet cafe in another country or just miles and miles and miles away and the courier would send those emails, wait for responses, download them back to a drive, and

then drive back to ben Laden. Um. But he didn't just do that with emails. He also, like would download other things for bin Laden too. Um. Oh yeah, it's a good spicy Yeah. So you know, you're sitting in a compound that has no phone connection, no television, no internet for five years, you're gonna get bored. You're gonna ask people to download some stuff for you to watch. Uh,

And that's exactly what bin Laden did. An Associated Press report on this manpowered internet connection noted that the courier took other data back, which included, you know, everything you can imagine, even pornography. Okay, do we have the type? Do we have any info on the type? Well, so that's a bit there. There has been a bit of a battle over releasing what type of porn was on Osamam and Lanza, because my guess is Simpson's cartoon porn.

It's it's weird how close you are. Um. Here's how Reuter's reported on it when sort of the story first broke quote the pornography recovered in bin Laden's compound in a Bodabad Pakistan consists of modern electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive. The officials said they were not yet sure precisely where in the compound the pornography was discovered or who had been viewing it. Specifically, these officials said they did not know if been Lattin himself had acquired

or viewed the materials, so it's it's a mystery. We know that the non pornographic videos and movies that he had were about a hundred and sixty gigs worth, so if they're saying that he had an extensive porn collection, we can assume that the quantity of porn was substantial, and the tens to hundreds of gigging its range. His porn was apparently kept in a wooden box like we all do. Yeah, and it was I shouldn't say his point because we can't say for certainty who the porn

belonged to. And when I first heard that, I was like, Okay, so he's probably living in a house with like a fucking hundred bodyguards or something like. There's probably like a fucking company of guys there and who knows who it is? But no, no, no, there were three other men in the house with him twenty three year old son and his two uh couriers who were both in their thirties. So that's a minimum chance that the porn has been

Laudon's poem. I'm gonna knock it up to because I feel like the couriers, they have access to the internet cafe, they can go, they go, they can go masturbate away from the can they don't. They can use that time. You know, you go to a internet cafe one about three am, it's partially empty. The guy in the front, he's like falling asleeps curriers and just make sure they have loose fitting hands. They do what they do. So

it says either his son or him maybe both. Yeah, So that's We're gonna go back and forth on this because I've got more details trivial. I've spent probably a good two days just trying to figure out who did the porn, and maybe it's everybody's maybe like they maybe they had like a fucking like a note on the fridge that was like just write down, Okay, you want you know, uh ladies spanking each other like part nine and uh you want some of that boukaki stuff and yeah,

you want you want the Mickey Mouse porn. Okay, when we'll get some of the Mickey Mouse porn on there, like yeah, oh yeah, that's that you know prison rules? Yeah yeah that that that might make sense to um. Obviously, the CIA knows the answer to the question because they know where the hard drives were found. So like, if the porn was in Osama's bedroom, then we know what it is. It was in one of his courier's bedroom, then maybe it's a currier it was in his son's bedroom.

But they're not telling anyone. Um. They seem to have a weird dedication to hiding the truth whatever it is about Osama's porn. We didn't even know for sure it existed until May of two fifteen, when the Office of James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence, confirmed that quote some point a graphic material had been recovered during the raid that killed Bin latin Um. Clapper spokesman noted, we are not going to release these materials due to the nature

of their contents. Um. So. In two thousand and fifteen, noted journalistic Paragon bro Bible filed a freedom of information request with CIA. Wro bro Bible doing hard hitting journalism. Here is a quote from their request, we are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world's most wanted man jerked it too. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, So I figured he had to watch

some really nasty ship. Um, so so fun because I was half expecting me Probible. They're like, this is an official request from the government that you know they're gonna they're gonna have a little bit of professionalism. Nope, they went the full Probible. They are consistently pro Bible. You gotta say that for them. Um, they have a brand to protect, because what if the CIA released that request and they're like, oh, we don't look, bro, we don't

look that's not bro enough. Oh my gosh. Shockingly, the CIA did not respond positive leave to this professionally worded

information request. They refused to send over bin Lawton's pornography, saying quote with regard to the pornographic material Osama bin Lawton hadn't his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files and the CIA is not required to disclose operational files UH during f o i A requests, and operational files include files that either talk about how foreign

intelligence or counterintelligence programs work. So basically, if it will give away something we do and intelligence, they don't have to reveal it, or if it will give away a foreign government or terrorist groups scheme that we don't, the CIA doesn't let them to know they've cut onto they don't have to release it, which brings me to my

first conspiracy theory of the day. Uh And then is the theory that al Qaeda's leadership was using coded pornographic videos to communicate with each other and disseminate information around the world. Here is a quote from an MSNBC article. At the time, US officials had pursued a probe into whether al Qaeda was using special software that would allow the email transition of porn photos implanted with hidden messages that could be deciphered by recipients with the right code.

We thought this was the way that messages were being transmitted, said one official. It sounds crazy, but if true, it actually makes a lot of sense. Gehaties are sort of notorious for having huge amounts of porn on their laptops. Chael Flynn, Uh, the totally not disgraced the National Security Advisor, said that some of the laptops they recovered from these

guys were porn. While this sounds like a nutty theory, in two thousand and twelve, police in Berlin arrested to twenty two year old Austrian with a digital storage device and memory cards hidden in his underpants. Which, let's if you're if you're smuggling Al Qaeda porn into another country, don't put it in your underpants. Like nobody's gonna see like a laptop and a thumb drive and think that's suspicious. But if they find it in your underwear, it's immediately suspicious.

Like that's the worst way to do that. The first law of being a cop is that anything in someone's underwear is illegal. Yeah, so we're about to break so we can sing a song for Lady Capitalism and uh. Then when we get back, we're going to talk about

what the German police found in that young man's underpants drives. Uh, and then we're going to get into exactly what Osama bin Laden was watching, playing and maybe fiddling his diddle too while he was hiding in a boat a bad But first, uh some capitalism from me, and we are back. We are back, and we are talking about al Qaeda's plan to hide operational messages in pornography and the twenty two year old arrested in Berlin with a digital storage

device hidden in his underwear. Uh So, the authorities find the stuff and his underwear decide to look into it. They find a bunch of stuff, including a password protected folder that includes a bunch of porn. One of those porn videos was titled kick Ass, and hidden inside the porn video they found another file called Sexy Tanya and this file, when opened, included more than a hundred unencrypted al Qaeda documents detailing everything from operational procedures to plans

for future attacks. Um So, it was like they were basically, because videos are so big, you can actually like hide a folder of text documents inside of it without it being super obvious. And so that's what they were actually doing. Um So, it's possible that some of the porn station about a bad was meant for clandestine communication. Um but it also sounds like there's way too much of it

for that to be the only reason. And more to the point it's not quite true to say that we don't know anything about the kind of porn that in the Bin Latten compound. Some of it managed to slip through the CIA as well Silence. On November one, two thousand seventeen, the CIA released four hundred and seventy thousand of the files that were found during the raid that killed Bin Latten. These files represent the collective mass of

a hundred thumb drives and ten external hard drives. The CIA's lists cut out most of the porn, but they didn't get all of it. Included in the collection that you can find right now on the CIA's website were two very old, very smutty video games, Paris Stryker Girls in Fantasy. I think you would classify them both as weird old Japanese porn games. They weren't the kind of complex, weird Japanese porn video games where you plays the principle of like a vampire high school and you have to

fund all of your children before the full moon or whatever. Um. The basic premise of both games is that you hover around a map, avoiding gagoose while you gradually uncover crudely sustrated drawings and pictures of nude and semi nude women. Presumably most players masturbate once they've uncovered the whole image. I feel like I just have to show you these

because you won't understand how bizarre they are. I mean, I'm interested to see the kindie has, but I'm very, very familiar with anti dating, since these are not that complicated. All right, Yeah, yeah, it's like an ony head in the middle, and it seems like they're making squares, They're they're making moves, they're making good moves, uncovering gay Like the best way to describe this would be, you know, like when people try and make a full two D

picture but with eight bit technology. Yeah. Oh, and she's just scantily clashed. It's not even nude. This one's not nude. Oh wow. So both of those games are like that, and some of them may are nude. I'm showing you a picture here. It's like the uncovered picture there and you can see your breasts. Uh so it's some of

them are nudes. It's clearly like the kind of porn video game that you would play in nineteen because nothing better exists, you know, like those uh those playing cards that are you know veterans would jerk off to Yeah, it's similar to that. Yeah, it's it's yeah. And I have a theory. I think that these smutty video games from the mid nineties actually hold the secret of who all of the porn and the porn stash belonged to.

So we know that the point exists. We just don't know if it was beIN Lawton's or you know, his kids or his uh couriers. Um. I think that these games are proof that the porn might have belonged to Ben Lawton because Paristroker Girls in Fantasy ninety five we're both made respectively. Been Lawton would have been a mature adult when they both came out, with the potential to have access to the Internet and with the ability to

have access to computers and video games. His son would have only been six or seven years old at the time. And I'm gonna guess if his son had porn video games, he would have had like Leasures, Yeah, yeah, something a little bit more advanced. Um, these are deep cuts for smut games. These aren't like these aren't anybody's first pick.

So I have to think there's something he came across when he was a young man and was like never got over Yeah, yeah, you know, like that one vid that you saw when you were in your teens and you're like, let me, let me see that again. Let's revisit that. Yeah. I think this is that for ben Laden. The other possibilities that it was one of his couriers. They were thirty and thirty three, respectively at the time of the raids, so they could have been fourteen or seventeen.

The youngest of them who would have been fourteen when these games came out, Abu Ahmed al KUWAITI gave computer training to other Jihati, so he was computer savvy. Um, so this might have been his. But it's pretty much down to either him or oh b l And considering he was an Afghan kid who grew up speaking Poshtu and moved to Kuwait as a younger person, I mean, I guess he didn't have a lot of money at

age fourteen and wasn't playing on the computer. We'll never know for sure, but we do have some pictures have been latten at the time, and he looks like a man who spent his golden years weekly jerking off to pixelated breasts. I mean, oh yeah, like he he has that nerd Pancho which is your your comforter for your body, and a beanie on that is a sad old man's

masturbation king. Yeah. These pictures are all available from the on the CIA, but we will also be hosting all of these pictures, uh and links to where you can find the CIA's files on Behind the Bastards dot com so you can watch Ben Lawden's weird point obsession along with us. UM, we're gonna move on from porn for now though, although there's a little bit more of that

coming later. UM. I've spent a truly terrifying amount of time coming through the files the CIA did release, and the stuff that's there is actually more baffling than his mythical porn stash could ever hope to be. First off, I'd like to read a selection of the copyrighted works the CIA found ants with the z yeah oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah, the Woody Allen Bugs Life rip off yeah, which blatant Yeah yeah, I love that. He would have been I'm surprised we didn't find the

movie on there. It might have been after he was killed. Um, but he had Batman Gotham Knight, which is interesting. BBC's Great Wildlife Moments, which I guess everybody likes a wildlife documentary also means possible stoner. Also possible stoner biography Osama bin Laden, So he was watching documentaries about himself cars, so no bugs life, but he went with but he went with cars, No bugs life is the symbol of

the decadent American regime or something. Maybe ANTS is more his ideological So that's yeah, that's a that's a medium post for someone listening because ANTS is about overthrowing, uh, like military technocracy, so dictatorship forming in a yeah, so I can see that chicken Little um. CNN presents World's Most Wanted, which also focused on Ben Laden Final Fantasy seven something me and ben Laden have in common. Heroes of Tomorrow, which I don't know what that is. Home

on the Range ice Age, don of the Dinosaurs. Man, these choices, these choices in the footsteps of Ben Laden. CNN documentary National Geographic Kung Fu Killers, National Geographic Inside the Green Berets, National Geographic Predators at War, which makes sense because they're they're trying to kill you with drones.

You probably want to watch a doc uh, And then National Geographic World's Worst Venom, which between that and the Kung Fu Killers, I feel like he was planning another attack with like kung Fu fighters and bees with rattlesnake send down ninjas with venom tipped shurkins, and he was gonna That's how he was gonna take us out. Lucky Louise stopped him, thank god. A documentary on Peru, the movie Resident Evil, which makes me feel a little bit sorry for him if that was one of the things

he had to watch. Um, the Three Musketeers, and of course the Morgan Spurlock documentary Where in the World is a Samamin Laden? Um? So yeah, that it was just pure narcissism, like you start to get cocky after they don't catch it for seven or look look at I'm just here masturbating the old nineties games. Um. Once the CIA released Everything, nerds on Twitter set to work trying

to discover bin Laden shared any fandoms with them. They found a distinct preference for anime, uh including Naruto Shaputin, Psycho Ninja Daishu five, which I'm guessing as a Naruto thing. I know, I don't know that second, I don't know what the rest of it is. But they were like Arabic dubbs of which again might have been been Laden's. It might have been one of his nerdy couriers, might have been his kid, no way for us to know exactly. Um. They found more realms of video games, including a save

file from Grand Theft Auto Chinatown Wars. That was the gym. That was the gym. Yeah, so he had like emulators and stuff, and it was a bad dump file, so it wasn't a good emulator. Like, so whoever was downloading this stuff wasn't great at it. Um. Now, anyway, you may all not know this, but I am actually a professional journalist, and so when I saw the cia S dump file, I immediately started investigating too. The first search

term I entered was the word ass. I found one file titled as two dot w m A, but for the research indicated this was just a weirdly named file for a g Hotty video. Uh. There was an ass with three sas dot jpeg. But it wasn't as exciting as I had hoped. It was like an Arabic image macro joke with like a cell phone. Um. So, so far I was kind of disappointed. But then I searched for butt, and I descended into a yarn wrapped hole

of madness, but did not turn up any pornography. But it did bring up a file called the Art of Crochet by Teresa Radiant Crochet Butterfly, where the butt came from. This has turned out to be one of dozens of crochet videos found on a Solomon Lawden's hard drive. As far as I can tell, many of these videos are by Teresa Warrior, a semi popular crochet expert who puts up regular videos on YouTube. To this day, most of her videos get sixty to two thousand views, so she's

moderately popular. Um. This has led to one of my favorite bin Laden related happenings. Random commenters descended on Teresa's videos to let her know Sam bin Laden was a fan because the CIA released the list stuff last November, so like, as soon as it happened, people are like telling this lady what happened. And if you go through your ARCI her archive of like all of her videos, you'll find a bunch of commenters being like, congrats on

being on Ben Lad's hard drive and stuff. And I found the YouTube comment thread where she first learns about this and it's utterly bizarre. So I'm just I'm gonna read this comment thread. Chris Wilson is the comment. Hi, Teresa, I thought you would like to know that the file for this video appears within the CIA's published directory of Osama bin Laden's computer files. Have a nice day, just a weird way if oh man, Teresa responded, thanks, Chris,

exclamation point, exclamation point. That is pretty cool that Osama bin Laden his wives and children like to watch my YouTube channel. I wish the bin Osama bin Laden's family well and hope they're still croche. She doesn't know who Osama bin Laden is. Do you think they will talk about this on any TV or the news programs? Theresa, Theresa, get out of there. It was like, no, we we killed a lot of we killed a son. Like his

wives are probably not doing great either right now. I hope the next replies like, yeah, they actually captured it on this movie called Zero Dark thirty. Chris responded, Only time can tell, and I'm sure they are still at it. They're still crochet. Perhaps a video dedicated to him will get their attention. I'm sure countless subscribers of yours would love to learn how to crochet Osama's likeness to oh no to response, you mean like I did the Barack

Obama crochet? You think they would like your crochet some in Lot No, Teresa, Absolutely, Teresa. What are you doing? Teresa? You're in too deep. The Internet is wonderful. Bring you bring your head up, prayer, Teresa. So. Um. A lot of the videos and PDFs and JPEG's on the dump

files or what you'd expect. There's videos like shelling US embassy in the Green Zone with two Katusha rockets, videos of convoys being bombed, and stuff US military handbooks, long religious tracks, exactly what you'd expect of Lot to have on his hard drive. But there's also a lot of weird stuff. There's a documentary called sex Crimes in the Vatican, and the entirety of a fifteen part BBC documentary called The History of Britain, which is just an in depth

history of Britain. Um, here's here's a here's um. I'm gonna put my fourteen year old cap from for all these weird videos. Look, sometimes you look at any documentary about sex, you can get some extra jerk material in there. You can get some extras, some sneaking. There was one I think HBO or Showtime had this like show that was like Sex around the World, and it was like all the weird sex stuff around the world, and it was like presented as a comedy, but since it was

like late night HBO, it was uncensored. So I was like, you know, I'd saved him all the vhs, so your your theory is that his sex crimes in the Vatican. He was like, well, maybe maybe they might show a little thing, you know in there. Well I bet he was disappointed, very disappointed. Um. One of the neat things about the CIA's archive is that all of the stuff that they have on there, like you can download for yourself that whole BBC documentary series because it's all on

the CIA's website. Um, so yeah, they've like released a bunch of stuff Like ants isn't on there. They just let you know what was on his heart they did. They didn't put ants up for they didn't put ants up. What I was gonna jump to was like, wow, I can see ants through the CIA. I did get really excited, um when I found what I thought might have been hidden porn in the dump file, a video titled zom

women managed underscore video dot RM. I figured it had to be like a manage video, what else could that, But instead it was a thirty minute long lecture featuring a guy who looks like Dom DeLuise if he were a choronic scholar. Yeah that's yeah, yeah, that's Dom DeLuise as an Islamic religious expert. Um. Anyway, uh, speaking of false positives, I also came across a YouTube rip file titled girls Fight, which again seems like that might have

been porn. It turned out to be a thirty second video of two little girls maybe three years old, actually fighting each other, like pulling heron's, shoving and stuff. I think it was like a viral internet video for some part of the world because they weren't speaking English. Um. It was weird, but probably not porn. Um. But Laden seemed to have a preference for documentaries in his old age, including a Nova special called Welcome to the Eleventh Dimension

that was about complicated theoretical physics ship. He had another Nova documentary on string theory. Um. So he was nerding out on physics, which is again surprising for Ben Laden. After a few hours of coming through the videos, you start to get the sense that bin Laden was one of those parents. He uses YouTube to help him raise his kids, which is why I gonna guess he had

cars and ants and stuff. He also downloaded YouTube videos that were like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, English learning videos for kids, that sort of thing. He also downloaded a lot of internet meme videos. My favorite is this bizarre video of a baboon freeing itself from the jaws of a crocodile um, which I don't know if we need to watch, we might as well. You should might as well see that. Don might as well see what that's talking about. If it were ahead, Got you sacrificed idiot

trying to eat? Not an option here? Did the baboon claw the crocs eye? Oh yeah, I imagine he would showed his son the videos like people are going to have your back, so you've got to be able to get out. We can't have the jaws of life yourself claw America's eyes out to escape its mouth out. All right, we are going to break again to uh do some more ads for things that you can buy and uh spend money on and keep this glorious cycle going so that we can make more podcasts and tell you more

things to buy. Uh, But when we come back, we're going to talk about Tom and Jerry and more to the point, the weird nineteen nineties, very nerdy card game that somehow intersects with some of Bin Laden and the nine eleven attacks. So all of that and more. After some ads boop and we're back. Uh, we're back, and we're talking about the contents of osaman Laden's many hard drive lives. We've gone through a lot of weird stuff

so far. But one of the strangest things that I came across while I was spending an entire week browsing osaoman Laden's media folders was something like a hundred episodes of Tom and Jerry. Tom and Jerry episodes are by far the most common type of video content I found on Osama's hard drives. Um, Like, if you just want to have all of Tom and Jerry for yourself, you can download Tom and Jerry from the CIA as well.

They're closing the grip on the ants. Yeah, they're they're keeping a tight hold on ants, but they're letting Tom and Jerry out to the world. Um, which I guess, go figure. Um. I kind of assumed at first that the videos were for one of his, like like his daughter or something. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me that bin Laden would be a fan of cartoons where a wily, cunning, tiny mouse consistently outwits and brutalizes a larger, more powerful cat.

Um Again, it's kind of like the crocodile thing, Like I can imagine him like looking at this and being like, yeah, that's me. Yeah, I'm Tom. I'm gonna fucking hit America with a hammer run into a tiny hole, which is kind of what he did. Um So earlier in the podcast, I mentioned that someone in the bin Laden compound was an anime fan. Uh Gizmoto actually did a pretty decent dive into this with an article titled someone at Osaman

Laton's Compound sure loved anime. They found a file with what to me looked like a nonsense name, which but just munch of numbers and letters, and then Msalm's dash Anime. It was an MP four file, but it turns out that im psalms dash anime dot net is an Arabic language anime form in Saudi Arabia. This form includes a lot of fan translations of various animals, and the only one that this could be was from an episode of the series Detective Conan, also known as Case Closed in

the US. Twelve episodes of Detective Conan were included on the drives. The quote from the Gizmodo article here in short, a computer recovered at the last place, so Salm bin Laden was alive. Contained at least a dozen non consecutive episodes of an animated show from Japan in which a boy detective solves rhimes. Oh yeah, I remember that show. It was an adult swims. He's actually a man, but a spell was put on him and he turns into a little boy. Thank you for that, Just just for context.

He wanted turning turn He turns into a little boy, much like what happened in Laden. Yeah. So these drives also included some more porn, but anime porn. Uh, an episode of an anime. I'm just gonna pause you. It's called hint I. Okay, it's anti different hint It's not an anime porn. It's hint tie. Well, okay, so maybe you'll tell me, you tell me if this, if this seems like HINTI, you're just like erotic anime. Like it's

called Bible Black. Oh that's that is I bit I constantly do, which is it is a very brutal hintie Bible Black. Yeah, it takes place in the world where there's a lot of witchcraft in there, and like there's like lots of weird aspects to this hint i because like you know, some women they grow penises, some you know, explode, like the people are getting murdered. It's a Bible Black is a very popular hintai. It is hint oh shit, Okay, so you're aware of what this is. Oh yeah, I've

seen Bible Black. Okay. So one of thinks me and Bin Loton have in common is the other one, okay, fantasy seven. Um, So this kind of narrows down. I mean, it doesn't necessarily narrow it on the rest of the porn because I feel like a lot of different people put in requests for or everyone in the comment probably put in some requests. But this was a translation of an episode of Bible Black. He wanted the story interesting, yeah, he wanted this well. It was like it was like

an Arabic dub of it, translation of it or whatever. Um. And so the anime form. The Aapules from was a Saudi anime form in the two couriers were both Afghan natives whose native language was Pashtu, so I assume they spoke Arabic but not native speakers, which makes me think that this hint I had to be either been Laden or his sons, both of whom were Saudi's and native Arabic speakers. That's my that's my read here is that the hint i has either been Laden's or his sons.

So that's where we are so far with that mystery. Um, you can lose a lot of hours and they been latton archive and it is it's not uncommon to run across videos about like American women and Jewish men converting to Islam, right alongside funny cat videos from YouTube. He seemed to have a thing for funny cat videos, which we all did. Yeah. Um, there's a number of saved game files for Nintendo games like Marrow and Luigi, Partners

in Time and Metroid Prime Hunters. Yeah. Um. I suspect these were Forbin Laden's son Um because of a quote I found in the Looming Tower where he basically points out that when they were hiding out in Afghanistan and board. He would let his younger sons playing Nintendo because it would entertain them. The guests the Nintendo games were probably been Lawton's kid. Well, he goes out back and check out Bible black Yeah, Somemoman Latons furiously pounding it to

Witchcraft anime. Yeah. Um. So there are some really strange things in the video archive and you could just go through and click them and download all these different random files. Most of them will have names that you can't quite parse out what they're about. Um, and it's all very strange. One video is just a thirty second clip of a guy walking through a muddy yard. It looks like the kind of when you're figuring out your cam quarter and

you're like try like it looks like that sort of video. Um. One is a three minute clip of Ron Paul talking about how the War on Terror was a bad idea, which is I feel about that? Of course? Run Paul wound up in the Salomon Ltons archive. Um. There's a

discussion with an Islamic cleric about video games. Um. There's a British ad for cyclist safety that asks you to watch how many passes a group of basketball players make and there's like a moonwalking bear that runs through in the middle and like, if you're focusing on the passes, you don't see the bear. And then it pauses and says, okay, did you count the passes right? Did you see the bear?

And it was like it was like a cyclists safety video, but it they downloaded it from a site called a bunawaft dot com, which seems to be like the Eboum's World of the Arabic Yeah, parts of the planet. Um. Then I found a video of a journalist being beheaded. Uh. And then I found right after that followed a wild ride. You went on, like what a wild ride? You're like, okay, we got some Bible black Oh, this is kind of funny.

Oh dear god. Um. And then right after the beheading video, yeah, it was follow Me, which is a British TV show dedicated to teaching people how to speak English through like lame Monty python type sketches. Oh man. And then I ran into Pigeon Impossible, a six minute animated movie from two thousand nine about a secret agent with a nuclear briefcase and a pigeon. I hate that. I'm gonna get stone and watch that later from the you can download it from the CIA's website. It's going to be just

really fueling. If you are too poor for a net licks, the CIA has your back right now with a very specific type of content. UM. My favorite thing from the archive, however, is not a video or a save game file or pornography. It's an issue of a newsletter titled smoking Gun Proof the Illuminati Plan to bring down our culture. It was written by the Cutting Edge, which is like a hardcore Christian organization. Uh, they have newsletters in a website, they

put out books. The big deal seems to be prepping people from the New World Order, which they've done since the early days of the internet. They're still around today and still claiming the ends night, just as they were when Bush was in office. They've written like books about how Harry Potter is trying to like convert kids to

witchcraft and stuff like they're they're those people. And this particular document, which as far as I can tell, is the only document of theirs that been Loaden had in his possession UM, is a far right tract claiming that the end of the world is coming, the Antichrist is about to be born and usher in a liberal fascist health state, and the clues to all this to the Illuminatis plot were laid down an card game published by

Steve Jackson Games called Illuminati New World Order. No. As you may know, Steve Jackson Games are the guys who make Munchkin. Uh. They make great games, wonderful company uh in Nile working on a cyberpunk game. Their offices were rated by the FBI. It had something to do with it. It It is. It is a wacky s story. It had something to do with ship. They were writing about hacking for like a basically this shadow run D and D style type game. Um, it's a long story, like

all of their computers were confiscated by the FBI. They had to like fight the bureau to get their ship back and almost bankrupted the company. Um. But shortly after all that happened, in like nine three, they released a card game called Illuminati, which is Have you ever read

the Illuminatus trilogy. It's by a guy named Robert Anton Wilson another guy named Robert sha who were like both editors at Playboy, and it's it's a silly book, gigantic silly book about like what if all of the conspiracy theories and history were simultaneously true, even the ones that conflict each other. So it's like that kind of wackiness,

and the card game is based in that. So you take uh control of a conspiracy like the Followers of Cathulhu or the Bankers of Zuricher like one of these global conspiracies, and everyone picks a different conspiracy and he fight it out with cards like George Bush, the c i A, the Pulitzer Prize, like all these different like things that, Yeah, so you're basically building a conspiracy. They've got like cards that are mind control lasers and stuff. Uh,

the game is a really light tone. There's a Hillary Clinton card and it she's holding like a rope and it's attached to if you pull up the Bill Clinton card, it's attached to a leash around his neck. So it's like very tongue in cheek, very silly game. Um. The argument in the tract is that Steve Jackson stumbled upon the truth about the Illuminati and hid all of the secrets about them in this ridiculous card game. He hit influm things like weather control satellites, like making them his cards.

Um Like it's it's it's stuff like this. Well, they'll be looking at like a card that says weather control satellites, and it'll be like the card will state like you can use this on any land you control, and and then like the tract will be like, see, this is proof that the Illuminati has the ability to control the weather and all of the parts of the world that they dominate, and like it's goodness, it's completely bug funck nuts.

I can't imagine why bin Laden would have a far right Christian tract about this really weird card game in his reading folder. Um, it's my only guess is the Illuminati is real. Well, so that does seem a little bit plausible when you go far enough down the rabbit hole of studying these cards, because the addition of the game I have because I played this game since I was a little kid, came out in. One of the cards in that game is a card called Terrorist Nuke.

And why don't you take a look at the illustration on the terrorist new card released in nine What the fun no describe that card to me? The Terrorist Nuke card that was the designed in has two towers and one of them being hit. And even though it's supposed to be a nuke. It's not a nuclear explosion. It looks as if it was hit by a plane and it's the tower that got hit first in reality, and it's exploding right in the place where the tower got hit.

That's so weird. And Osama bin Laden was reading conspiracy theories about this card game in the last years of his life. Wow, wow, well damn yeah, so we figured it out be our last podcast before we are taken out by the c I A. So sorry. It was nice knowing all of you. Sorry we brought you in face. Yeah, no, I know. We're going down. We're all going down. All the pictures, including pictures of the terrorist new card, will be available on Behind the Bastards dot com, so you

guys will be able to check out all of this craziness. Um, we want you to see it too. It is. It is truly bizarre and inexplicable. Um. That is it for today's episode of Behind the Bastards. I have been Robert Evans. You can find me on the internet at I Write okay on Twitter, Um okay is two letters. You also find my book A Brief History of Vice on Amazon. Uh, if you wanna plug your stuff, yeah, I'm if you why anyway on Twitter and Instagram, I F y W A D I W E. You can get my album.

It's on anywhere you can buy comedy albums. It's the community college drop out. You can listen to Nerdificent wherever. You're listening to this podcast every Tuesday, UH with How Stuff Works, Candy Dinner every Monday. It's it's a fun time and you can follow behind the Bastards if you want to find us on social media where it at Bastards pod. You can find us again online behind the Bastards dot com and we will have all of these

wacky images and videos up there, so check us out. Uh. This podcast drops every Tuesday, so we'll be back next week with another crazy story about someone just as terrible as Osama bin Laden, maybe even worse. I'm Robert Evans, my buddy Iffy, and we are out for a week. M M m