Also media.
Welcome back to Behind the Bastards, a podcast where my headphones were not plugged in when I started talking, and now they are. We we have a we have a keen, eagle like grip on on on the professional competence required to do our jobs. Uh, Sophie and I uh, and are.
Much funnier when the headphones that are not plugged in aren't like small I bought it, like you knows, but like the big black ones. That is so much funnier. I had.
I had a lot of opportunities to get this right. Sophia, Alexandra, Welcome back to the pod. Sophia, how how have you been? How's it going? How's the world bad?
The most terrible?
Thank you? Yeah, thanks for having me on the pod.
I am good.
It's been a minute. It's so nice to see y'all's faces. I've missed you.
Yeah, I missed you too. And you know, obviously, Sophia, as you're aware, as I think most people are aware. As a podcast host, I maintain medical power of attorney over each of our guests. Now, this is probably standard standard in the industry. My understanding is it's a holdover from English common law established in the sixteen hundreds by
the very first podcasters. So the other day you called me up and you said, Robert, should I dose myself with moderate quantities of radiation to gain unclear unspecified health benefits?
And I sure did?
And I was like, let me look into that, Sophia, let me look into that. So I did. I did a quick google. Is it bad to radiate yourself for health? And it turns out yes, that's what we're talking about this week, is the radium.
Christ You wrote that entire scripted, that whole bit.
I scripted the whole bit, Sophia.
Scripted that entire thing is so you of you. That's so funny.
It makes me think of like you doing stand up writing out all of the parts where you're.
Like, come right, you guys, Yeah, your little life plug throws to the audience. Sure, No, I mean what this is is I have a little This is a free productivity hack for you writers out there. If you have a whole thing you have to write, like, say, eight thousand words about radium grifters, and you're being you're being a procrastinator. Maybe just spend a paragraph or two writing out some bullshit jokes to your friends. You know, and
then just keep it in the script. Why not. Nobody has to read these button me, so you know, it doesn't have to be tight.
Well that was cool, But I'm just excited that Sophia is here.
I'm so excited that Sophia is here, and she's got to.
Be a new Patreon.
Let's start there.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, let's begin with the plugs. That's the right way to do this.
Oh shit, yeah.
Come to patreon dot com slash Sophia Alexandra. There's writing on there, there's videos. There is just random shit I'm into, like galer and and relationship anarchy and making clay pots and John Lee Hooker. I don't know, I'm a weird bitch.
Come through.
Well check that out, and you know, check out check out Sofia. Alexandra's many other podcasts that she's done with us too, some of our our very best. And this is about to be this one, Sophia going to be a classic because we're getting back to our roots here. You know, we've been covering some dark shit a lot on this show, and you know, we've really gone hard.
Really comes as a surprise to me.
This is the old one that is guested on more Dead Baby episodes than anyone.
No Dead Baby crazy that this is gonna be a dark one.
A lot of dead people, but not dead babies.
Thank you for me.
But it's it's a fun mostly up until the second episode, mostly funny ways that people are horribly injuring themselves because it's good. It's good old timey medical nonsense. Right, it's people just poisoning their bodies with urine because they think it'll it'll help him deal with a cough. It's super funny if you can kind of associate yourself from the human cost Hey, which.
Is a soil podcast, Daddy, I am ready.
Yeah, Yeah, it's going to be a good time. So the history of people using radiation as like a pop medical treatment, the way they use colloidal silver today, starts in eighteen ninety five, when a German physicist named Wilhelm Rotingen discovered X rays for the first time. He published an article on a new kind of rays fifty days later, which is what we're all looking for in life, right. I'm usually referring to ray bands there, but Ray.
Talking about guys named Ray.
Usually when guys named Ray, I've had good relations with guys named ray.
You know, I only fuck men named ray. It's terrible.
That's like like that that diet where you only red things like yeah, yeah, just as evasive.
Yeah, I'm either celibate or I get hit a lot. That's what it is.
That is the duality of ray.
Yeah.
Hey everyone, my notes on this were a little messy. I just wanted to add that while it was Rojin who discovered X rays, the guy who actually kind of discovered radioactivity as a phenomenon was Henri Beccarel. He worked with the Curi's. He shared a Nobel prize in Night you Know three with Pierre and Marie Curriy. It was I believe Marie Curriy who named radioactivity, but Henri was the guy who kind of first started discussing the phenomenon
after the discovery of X rays. So, in eighteen ninety eight, famous scientist power couple Marie and Pierre Curie found radium and a sample of uranian height. These are kind of we're going over like sort of the birth of understanding radiation as a thing. Radium was soon found to have
properties that were like similar to X rays. Right, you could like expose photo negatives and stuff with it and a new field of study in this kind of wondrous and magical property that certain cereals had started to open up. And obviously X rays I mean even today, like reading about studying radiation, it's like wild, It's like space alien shit, right, So obviously people in the late eighteen hundreds starting to
realize how radiation works. Is it's not just like fascinating to scientists, but it also you know, honestly, a good comparison note is in popular culture, radiation was treated in this period very similar to how people are treating AI now, where like some people are you know, just trying to be reasonable about it and say like, well it may have this application of that, and other people are saying this is the silver bullet to every problem in society, you know. Now it's like we can just add AI
to every problem and it'll fix it. And like you just got to radiate everything hunger, Yeah, yeah, and that's the attitude they're like, yeah we can in world hunger, you just irradiate all your craps. It'll be great. Yeah. That is that is like how this where this is going to go. A Japanese scientific journal published Rotentin's work
in eighteen ninety six. Japanese physicists constructed one of the first X ray machines the same year to beam crystals with X rays for purposes that are not clear to me.
The first X ray crystals like like like the rocks, like quartz or but yeah, he was shooting them.
I think he was like, crystals are cool, X rays are cool. Let's see we can see what happens.
It's a real PB and J situation.
Yeah.
They had X ray machines in Japan for like a surprisingly long time before anybody started using them for like medical purposes. They were just like shooting random shit with them to see what it would do that, which is fair yeah.
Kind of awesome and what I would do so.
Yeah yeah yeah basically.
So that's why I'm not a doctor.
Yeah, yeah, that's why I'm not. But you know, these people barely wear right. It was the eighteen nineties. Most early radiation researchers did learn quite quickly that this stuff was They didn't. I wrote that they learned it was not something to play with. They with it constantly, but they learned that it was a dangerous thing to play with.
Right.
Marie Currie herself suffered pretty significant radiation burns a number of times touching this stuff. She's also like she and her husband both die horribly as a result.
I was just gonna say, I was like, Dad, she fucking died from it.
I think Robert like she dies decades later, but like.
Yeah, maybe saying like you can suffer a burn in your life and keep going, but.
I think it's the painful death for me.
Yeah. What I'm saying is that, like, well before the painful death, they knew that, like, oh shit, this is like bad for us, right, Like we're hurting ourselves by being near this shit. Yeah, Like Pierre Curie made a statement in nineteen oh one that like, I would not want to be alone with a pound of pure radium because I think it will burn. I don't know this, no one's ever had this much, but I think it will burn all of the skin off of my body if I'm close to that much of it.
And by somewhere in Hollywood and Actress was like, eh, oh that the skin off my body.
Yeah. So, you know, by the turn of the century again like five years into you know, serious research on this stuff, like several researchers had already died due to radiation exposures. So again within the scientific community, as much exuberance as there is about you know, radium and uranium, people are very much aware this shit is like deadly. We don't fully get why it's deadly, but we know
that it is super dangerous to be around in quantity. Right, So after witness, now, one of the side effects of this is that like people aren't people are seeing how dangerous this stuff is. They're seeing the kind of horrible burns it can cause. One of my favorite stories like one of the scientists working on this keeps some like radium in his pocket and it like burns a hole through his leg. But when what.
When did you notice that it started burning and he just kept it in there.
I think maybe I'm wrong about this, but my reading of it, I think it's the sort of you know how like at that bored Ape yacht club party, they had those UV lights that just look like normal UV lights but were for disinfecting slaughterhouses, and so it gave everyone horrible sunburns on their eyes, Like, oh.
My god, I didn't know that.
Oh yeah, they used So there's you know, people put UV lights in like dance, you know, like rave parties and stuff all the time.
But there's also UV lights that are meant to like disinfect slaughterhouses, and somebody got the wrong UV light in this party and it gave people like sunburns on their eyes. But they didn't notice it until like the next day. Right, It wasn't immediate. They weren't immediately aware that anything was was awry. They just kind of woke up Burning. I think it's like.
That we woke up Burning is the first country song that I had to put out on my Patreon.
Yeah, it's about your experiments with radium.
It's about a uti actually.
But yeah, so Pierre Curie like he sees his friends get in his wife getting horribly burned by radium, and he's like, well, this stuff is dangerous, but also if it can burn skin this way, maybe we could burn away cancer, right, And that is the start of chemotherapy, is like some of these scientists realizing like, well, the way that this burns people, you might actually be able to effectively like kill tumors and stuff with it.
Okay, just someone that has chemo, I'm like totally did not make that connection. Yeah, in terms of yeah, wow.
That's that's I mean that's that's what you're doing basically with chemo is Yeah, you're like, you're you're effectively using radiation as a laser to murder a tumor. Well, my basic understanding that.
No, because chemo is chemicals.
Well yeah, I mean it's not like we're talking about the other treatment.
You're talking about actual radiation, which I.
Also had, which I think it's like skin cancer they're they're dealing with first, right, is my guess, Right.
Yeah, because that's probably the simplest it's on the surface, until they figure out how to like actually, you know, radiate like tumors inside you, which I'm sure took you know, at least another week.
Yeah, a while, But like so they start figuring out like, Okay, this stuff is dangerous. It can hurt people pretty badly, but if you use it the right way, you can actually like kill cancer with it, right, which is you have to think about where medical science is in early nineteen oh one, the early nineteen hundreds. That is, this kind of reinforces the attitude that these radioactive materials are fucking magic, because cancer is just fucking death, right, It's
the hand of God. There's nothing to there's very very little treatment available for a lot of this stuff.
And suddenly, can I ask the dumb question, Yeah, when did people start realizing what the fuck cancer was?
Oh?
I mean, I mean for thousands of years we have understood, you know, we didn't maybe we didn't have the kind of understanding we have about it now, but we knew that certain people would develop tumors and stuff and that that was inimical to life, right, And I think you know, like physical removal of like skin cancer and stuff like that has gone back a while. Although it was obviously
like of of middling ethics. This is this is kind of the beginning of us starting and obviously we still don't have a great handle on cancer, but this is like you have to you have to keep in mind. The possibility of any sort of effective cancer treatments beyond the crudest and most violent is like that hits the medical community like a bomb, right, Like it's it's it's a miracle almost, Like that is how they're thinking about it, right.
Some of that is irrational exuberance. They think it's going to work better than it does because it takes a long time for this to get more effective. But like there is this that's going to play into the the way people think about radiation and it as a miracle cure. Is that like, yeah, it's the first thing that's given people really effective hope against cancer. That's a big deal. Obviously. I'm going to quote from an article in the Journal
of Medical History by Micah Nicau. Quote. The first to use X rays for skin diseases was physician Leopold Freud of Vienna, who treated a patient's pigmented No, no, no, Freund, not Freud Freud oh, okay, which I think means friend, I don't know, I don't know. German Neil's rereiberg Finsen's light therapy for tuberculosis of the skin by that time,
also achieved a reputation. Radiation therapy spread quickly, and X ray technologies were introduced to many hospitals for the diagnosis and treatment of diseases such as broken bones, exema, and skin cancer. Radioactivity from radium seemed similar to X rays, giving scientists in medical doctors high hopes for the medical use of radium before understanding the actual chemical and physical conditions.
In terms of modern science, Doctors in different parts of the world, including Germany, in the United States used radium in the treatment of diseases such as keloids, tuberculosis, syphilitic ulcers, hyperthyroidism, tumors, and cancers. Some of these treatments work. Some of this stuff, like tumors, you can effectively treat with radiation. I think syphilitic ulcers are not helped by radiation, but they're just kind of they're trying it on everything, you know, they're giving it a shot.
I mean it's hard. Syphilis, Like, honestly, syphilis goes hard.
I've always said that, you know, Yeah, yeah, that's why I respect it.
That's why it's like Wharton, syphilis is out here making you crazy.
Long term, that shit goes.
Hard, making you crazy, and possibly contributing to the birth of horror as a genre. You know, So respect respect to syphilis exactly.
I'm sorry, that's merch respect to syphilis.
Yeah. So one thing that's interesting to me is, right from the very start, even among people who knew better, there's obviously all this enthusiasm for radiation for reasonable reasons, but for basically everybody, including these very hard no scientists like the Kurries, there's this irrational obsession with it that
forms two Marie Curiy wrote about it. She would often write about it as my beautiful radium and would discuss kind of with this sort of awe her feeling at the glow that pure radium have quote.
Oh it's a jerk off situation.
Yeah, oh it's hot to her. She's hot, she's hot for radium. Right, those glee being seemed suspended in the darkness and stirred us with ever new emotion and enchantment. Right, there's something magical about it. One US Surgeon General described radium as reminding him of a mythological super being, while an English physician described it as the unknown God. And again, we're not doing nuclear ship right, nobody, that's crazy.
It is.
It is, I think, honestly, the best the best touch point for for how people were talking about radium at the turn of the century and radiation at the turn of the century is like AI and shit, it's just this. The discussions of it are often completely divorced from what it can actually do because it just seems magic, you know, But.
No one's out here like writing sonnets being like my beautiful ais.
And they're dog shit, Yeah, you're not wrong. So newspapers reporting on early medical studies and a radium as a cancer treatment published breathless reports with titles like radium is restoring health to thousands. This is the last time we're going to talk about radium that way. In nineteen oh four, John McLeod, a physician at charing Cross Hospital in London, developed radium applicators to treat internal cancers and showed evidence that they shrank tumors. This is like, I think the
birth of kind of modern chemotherapy. Right, first, we're using it to just kind of like shoot rays at sort of external cancers and the like McLoud figures out and I'm assuming this is horrifically crude, but like here is how you deal with Like you basically use radium to kill internal tumors in the earliest manner of like what we are doing today more or less. Right, this was treated as a go ahead by some in the medical community and many mini grifters in the quack medicine industry
to start dumping radium into every conceivable product. Right we know now, like, yeah, you have to be very careful about how you introduce this stuff to the body to treat internal tumors, because it's dangerous and it can potentially be worse than the disease, or at least just as bad as the disease if you're not careful about it.
Yeah, but people are just like, oh, asi is a thing now, everything is si in it it argon oil, argan oils now and everything.
And they do treat it exactly like people fucking treat a saie berries right where they're like, well, if it's good in your body to kill cancer, it must just be good to like microdose, right, like mushrooms. Right, we just hear radiation all the time, right, why will we middle We'll go a long way. Yeah. If a lot of it can help you when you're sick, a little bit of it must keep you all well. Right, that is is literally what a lot of and like that is.
That is an insane thing to think, although you have to give them some credit. They just didn't know as much back then, right, Like I'm never.
Clowning like all of us are stupid too.
Yeah yeah, yeah, they were as dumb as we are, just exactly you know about different things, Like we just don't know.
Yet what we've been extremely stupid about.
Oh yeah, yeah, no, I mean I still think we're gonna find out that like a lot of the stuff in our SODA's is the worst thing ever. They're going to talk about some of that, but also maybe not. It'll probably just be you know, all of the all of the fucking gasoline fumes in the air.
But like literally they were like, hey, Lacroix made of like fucked up stuff, and everyone was like cheers and popped another fucking six pack, like no one cares, no cares.
I mean, I'm drinking fucking it says it's brewed with real tea and lemon, but it's one of those nonsense bubbly waters. Who knows what kind of poison is in this fucking thing.
No one trust anything, and we're just selling slowly dying.
That's it it is.
I do love it whenever, Like my friends that I spent ten years doing drugs with get like on a health kick and are like, no, I'm not going to drink that diet soda because it's got this And it's like, man, I know what we snorted together, right, Like You're like that cocaine smelled like a fucking gas station. Okay, I seen you smoke.
Whatever you found no cushions of the couch. Now we care.
About aspect whatever. Eric, I watched you pick up a half smoked cigarette from outside a bar and lighted because you were that drunk, Like, don't don't talk to me about fucking ASPI dade.
Yeah, and you lit the filter, dog, Yeah, yeah, you just.
Turn it on the filter. So people are getting real excited about radiation and the seemingly magical properties of radium were reinforced by a series of discoveries around the turn of the century. And this I wouldn't have guessed into
the healing properties of hot springs. Now. If you like spending a lot of time reading Victorian novels, right, there's basically always a character who gets sick and has to take to the spa town to like take in the vapors, right, taking the waters and shit right like that goes.
That's a tringle convalesce always, yeah, And.
I think probably for as long as there's been civilization, people have known while I felt better once I got in that hot spring, it's probably good for me. And it is actually for pretty basic reasons, right, For what soaking in hot water can be really healthy for your joints and your muscles.
It can be no pain, better than just odds bring Robert is a hot tub with Yeah, well no, what if we combine two of our favorite things?
Yeah, well, actually this is weird. What they find is that those things have always been combined, right, So they're they're trying to figure out and hot springs have always been together. Yeah, yeah, that is a property. I'm gonna explain this. It actually makes a lot of sense. I just had never thought about this before. So, you know, there's this folk belief that has some backing in it that like hot springs are good for your body, right,
And they didn't really know why. And so they start at the same time as they're discovering, you know, that radiation is the thing, how it works, They're start being scientists who are trying to figure out, like, what is it about hot springs that have healing properties? And I'm gonna I want to read from a write up on radium patent medications in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Here this is talking about researcher studying hot springs. They noted throughout history, hot springs like those at Brombach in Germany, Iseshia in Italy, and Saldebane in France had been touted as panaceas for a variety of ailments, including rheumatism, cretonism, impotence, and melancholy. These salutary effects were achieved only when the waters were drunk or their vapors deeply inhaled. Bottled water
from these springs rapidly lost its potency. The great German chemists Eustus von Leibig attempted to analyze the waters from Gostein Springs, eventually ascribing their power to a dissolved gas with mysterious electrical effects. In nineteen oh three, the discovery was made that the apparent pharmacological agent in these waters was rayd on radium emanation, an alpha particle emitting gas with a half life of less than four days that
was produced by decaying radium. Alpha particle emitting isotopes taken internally and minute quantities were hailed as powerful natural elixirs capable of delivering direct energy transfusions to depleted organs. So I have a basement, right, This is not the case everywhere that their abasements. I really didn't think.
Your transition from that quote was going to be so I have a basement.
It's relevant because in the Northwest at least, and I've only ever had a basement here in Texas. We don't have basements because of the ground's weird. But I had to get I was told like, basically, hey, your basement has not had radon mitigation, so it will fill up with a radioactive gas and you will get horrible lung cancer if you spend a lot of time in your basement unless you install what's called a radon mitigation system, which basically is a pump that pumps the air regularly
up out so it can rise into the sky. But it's just that, like, because of decaying radium in the earth, the dirt is filled with radon, right, that gets in things. So if you have a basement, it will fill with radon. And these hot springs because they're being fed from like underwater, you know, rivers or pumps or whatever fill like also have radon in them. Now, the radon is not causing the health benefits, right, that's just because it's nice to be in hot water. It's good, it's relaxing, it's good
if you're muscles and joints. But they're starting to realize there are health benefits to radiation, and they realize that a lot of hot springs have natural rate on gas, and they're like, the radon is what makes springs good for you. So clearly if we just dose people with radon, it will make them healthier, right, is.
The danger correlation? Yeah, being you know, causation, it's not.
Yeah, that's also there, but that's not yeah yeah, And that's what like they decide is like, oh, it must be the radon that makes the hot springs good for you. Everyone should start taking as much rate on as they fucking could. So this is this is going to take off very quickly in the early nineteen hundreds, and initially it is not like radiation putting. Radiation in food and medicine is not regulated, especially in the United States. Now we had it, we had at this point in nineteen
oh six, we passed the Pure Food and Drug Act. Right, We've done episodes on this. It was part a large part of it was in reaction to like the fact that milk kept killing entire city's worth of babies when it would be full of worms or whatever raid on. Though radium was not regulated under the Pure Food and Drug Act because it's a natural element, which is still this is still a problem with like supplements today where they're like, you can make a lot of bullshit claims
and like sell people. Alex Jones says, all these sells, all these nonsense supplements, and it's like, well, it's it's a natural element. It's not a drug, so you can you can basically do whatever as long as you avoid a couple of easy pitfalls. This is how they're what's this is how radium gets introduced to the American diet. Is they're like, well, the FDA says it's it's it's natural, so you can put as much of it as you want in your milk.
That's so wild. I didn't know about that natural pole or whatever. The fuck. Yeah, it's like, well there's a lot of poison found naturally too. Yeah, are we just like chill with arsenic being just slowly?
Just come into this story, Sophia, because we were for a while. Yeah, shut the fuck up. So all of these fraud treatments starts out into pages of newspaper and magazine ads with bold claims like remarkable new radium cream liniment drives out pain for making joints and muscles instantly. Right, They're like, it's the radium in the hot spring. So let's get rid of those healthy like hot waters and just put pure radium on people's bones.
I'm sorry, petition to make that voice your permanent voice.
Oh you're gonna be hearing a lot of that voice today, Sophia, don't worry.
I am delighted.
Yeah. So the reveal that so many healing springs gave off raid on again, it doesn't mean that that's why, like the good things like we don't spend time in our basements as place as of healing just because they're full of raid on. But dumb time, dumbass, old tiny people. You know they're not as smart as you. And I
is right, you know we we smarter than this. We would never do any We would never, for example, take a cattle deworming medication because we believe it's going to cure all of our sicknesses.
Yeah, and because a very tiny man they used to host a show where they ORMs stills to do it.
Like and definitely abs one hundred percent. If if it was like if podcasts had existed in nineteen oh six, and so had Joe Rogan, he would have been he would have been telling people to microdose radium. He would have been, like, you're a dumbass. If you're not microdosing straight radiation, you get it some rads every day.
He would have been glowing.
Yeah, he would be yeah, nothing but elk meat and fucking radium. So the name of the new therapy that a lot of health grifters start pushing based on these ideas is called mild radium therapy as opposed to like what we're actually doing when we're treating cancer, which is a much heavier dose right of this kind of stuff. So mild radium therapy is basically we're microdosing this shit, you know. Mild radiation therapy advocates weren't sure why this
stuff worked right. There were significant debates. Some suggested radium compounds stimulated organs directly. Others believed the radiation acted as superpowered bleach killing microscopic toxins that caused cancerous tumors. There were theories that radium stimulated your adrenal glands or perhaps the thyroid. What seemed clear beyond doubt was that the healing properties of radium came from alpha particles emitted by a radium nucleus. Now obviously Sophia Sophie all three of
us are trained nuclear physicists. We don't talk about it much on the show, but you know, privately, all we talk about is like thorium plants and shit. We're very knowledgeable about this, but because our audience or a bunch of dumb dums, I'm going to read a quote from the AMA's journal explaining how this shit works rather than try to do it myself. Alpha particles are large, relatively slow moving chunks of nuclear matter consisting of two protons
and two neutrons. They possess tremendous energy and produce a dense cloud of ionization events when traversing matter. Because they dissipate their energy so rapidly, they can only penetrate forty two one hundred um, limiting the range over which they can exert their effects to a distance of about ten cell diameters. Such a lack of penetration prevented their use in cancer therapy, and the early radioactive source is produced for curey therapy all contained filters designed to stop alpha
particle transmission. Though high doses of alpha radiation produced an intense blistering response on the skin, alpha particles were considered just too difficult to harness in the service of cancer treatment,
and we're largely ignored by oncologists. So, like, the basically what this is saying is like the method of action that like is being used in this mild therapy is the stuff that once they oncology just started fucking around with radiation, they realize this stuff is too hard to control, so we're not going to use it for most things. And then it becomes the province of medical grifters who are like, we're going to use this for fucking everything. Now, I mean I.
Heard that, but really all I heard was not enough penetration.
Not enough penetration. That's that's right, that's right. This is this is mild radiation therapy is basically getting deep dicked by straight up radiation. Like that is what's going on here now. To be fair to our old timey idiots, by you know, early kind of the outbreak of World War One that period, there are some studies that seem
to show real medical benefits to light radiation therapy. Now these are all very flawed studies, but they led to this belief that people could back up with what seemed like good evidence that radium might treat rheumatism. Gout, syphilis, anemia, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, and white right. Yeah, ed well, yes, by far the most common kind of radiation medication I've come across our variations of dick bills. So yeah, we'll be talking a lot about that.
That's what the original jerkoff machines were for.
Yeah, yeah, just like people think it's like there's that whole whole thing that they think, like gynecologists used to like jerk their patients off, which is like not a thing. It was a thing invented for a.
Movie that just spread.
But originally the jerkoff machines were definitely were like, oh, we're going to solve all these men's problems. If like these jerk off machines them off, like obviously, we'll get all the bad to come out through their jizz. Yeah, that's doctoring one oh one.
Yeah, get them a prostate poker that's like made out of puer uranium. You know. That's actually that's actually more or less where this ends up. One of the things they did know that was shown pretty early on in radiation research is that when you exposed like a portion of someone's body to radioactive waves, their leukocytes, their white blood cells would kind of cluster around where that beam was hitting. I'm guessing this is just your immune system
trying to defend itself from something. But like they they this kind of this led the assumption that if you irradiate part of the body, it will bring the white blood cells there. And the white blood cells those are basically the worker bees of your immune system. So that's part of what the logic here is. Is it clearly this stimulates our immune system, which must mean if you're sick, you kind of like X ray the part of you that is suffering, and it'll bring the white blood cells
and they'll take care of the problem. That's one of the reasons people think this works. That's not what's happening. Police do not radiate your like elbow if you've got tennis elbow, right, But that's what people think is going on. Treatments like this take off like gangbusters among certain segments
of the medical community. One physician reported that from nineteen thirteen to nineteen twenty one he dispensed over seven thousand injections of radium, the over the counter trade in radium, and he's again just shooting straight radiation into people's body. When they're like sick or whatever. Yeah, so well, yeah, the over the counter trade in radium based pharmaceutical remedies
was even more widespread. One of the most popular early devices was inspired by the supposed benefits of radon hot springs, The Revigator by R. W. Thomas. This was basically a big crockpot type device that you poured your water in. It has a spigot, and this is like how you drink your water every day, Right, You pour it into it's like a filter bottle. Right, but you know what the bottle is made out of, Tell me pure uranium.
It is. It is a cistern of uranium that you pour your water in, and you're supposed to drink six or seven glasses of uranium water every day.
Hey, I'm sorry, that's flawless.
Yeah, it would have been a lot easier to make like a backyard nuclear weapon back in the day. But you know who will teach you how to make an atomic bomb.
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We are sponsored entirely by Doc Brown from the first Back to the Future movie, and there's nothing he loves more than giving people access to nuclear weapons. And we're back so I want to read a quote from the book Quackery by Lydia King and Nate Peterson next talking about this uranium water dispensing system and if you had any leftover water at the end of the day. Advertisements
encouraged consumers to water their plants. One of the problems with the revigator, besides slowly poisoning people with about five times the radium concentration recommended for drinking water, was its lack of portability. Several similar, but smaller devices sprang onto the market, including the Thomas Cone, the Zimmer Aminator, and the Radium Aminator, all of which operated on a similar principle that you simply PLoP them into water you were
about to drink. These devices, collectively dubbed eminators, were typically manufactured from carnotite or a primary ore of uranium. The uranium would gradually decompose, producing radium and radon gas in turn, which then infuse the water to make it radioactive. So you just dump in some uranium in your water to take like a sip. You know that's what you need, right, you know, just a little bit of uranium. It's good for you.
Yeah, callie, Yes, don't disrespect it.
Thank you, oh man, Yeah, that it does sound and one of the things that's weird. I haven't found a good explanation of this, but a lot of people report they feel better, they feel invigorated, they feel energized when they start consuming this stuff, and a lot of that is certainly has to be the placebo effect. I do wonder if maybe like there's a physical just because of it's doing shit like it. Maybe there's some sort of weird high that comes from taking radiation in this way.
I don't know how you would like study or prove that objectively, but a lot of people do seem to report like, yeah, I felt like I had more energy. Now all these people die horribly of cancer, like five years later, but it does seem to make people very energetically.
They pass like real pep.
I haven't found like a solid explanation for this, but there are enough reports that a lot of people seem to experience and maybe it is all placebo, but it seems like it's more consistent than you'd see for that. I don't know, but it does seem like people experience some like beneficial like they feel good on this stuff for a while, So maybe there is some sort of weird high you get when you're poisoning your body with radiation.
I don't know, but that is that is at least how people report feeling when they're on this stuff right now. If you're making health products in the early nineteen hundreds and you really want to provide people with the maximum benefit, of course, people barely drank water back then, right, it was all high balls, you know, so if you want.
Yeah, it's like it was like stupid people would make fun of you if you drink water.
Yeah, like you fucking dumb ass, square little bitch.
Yeah.
So and they're talking to a baby who's trying to literally drink milk out of its mother's teat.
Yeah, they were just like.
You were, dumb ass. Where's your fucking Manhattan?
I do say that to babies often. But so, if you want people to get enough radiation in the early nineteen hundreds, water is not your best bet. Cigarettes are. And so the good people at the a but Shari Tobacco Company and bod in Germany started producing the world's first radium laced cigarettes for when you really want to give your lung cancer some chest hair, right like that lung cancer is not doing enough on its own. You gotta you gotta really puck fucking pump those numbers up.
That's some wookie lung cancer you got. Now, that is insane. That is like one of the craziest things I've ever heard. But the craziest thing is that, like, while these radium cigarettes had a lot more radium than normal cigarettes, cigarettes already have radium in them. Cigarettes actually have like more radium than you would guess in them, Like all of our cigarettes are to some extent radioactive. I did not know this. I actually found this idea. Yeah, I'm going
to quote for an explanation. I'm going to quote from an article on the EPA's website. Naturally occurring radium found in the soil and from fertilizers can be taken up by the roots of the tobacco plant. Radium radioactively decays to release rate on gas, which then rises from the soil around the plants. Rate on later decays into the
radioactive elements led to tin and polonium two ten. As the plant grows, the rate on from fertilizer, along with naturally occurring rate on decay products and surrounding soil and rocks, cling to the sticky hairs on the bottom of the tobacco leaves called trichomees. Rain does not wash them away. Polonium two tin is an alpha emitter and carries the most risks. Cigarettes made from this tobacco still contain these
radioactive elements. The radioactive particles settle in smokers lungs, where they continue to build up as long as the person smokes. Over time, the radiation can damage the lungs and can contribute to lung cancer. And like one of the things like radon heavy fertilizer is often used by the tobacco industry.
I think they from what I've read, it makes for like bigger yields, And it is like research has found that if you are smoking tobacco with lots of radon in it, you are at a higher risk of lung cancer than normal obviously the non smokers, but the normal smokers. Right, it's like if you have two it's the same thing if you're like getting exposed to rad on because you're
in like a basement that hasn't been mitigated. If you're a non smoker, you are less likely to get cancer from that than a smoker who was also exposed to radon, Like the two the risks compound upon each other. Right, I had no idea of that, but I guess cigarettes are all radioactive, So that's cool.
I'm literally used to like run a student organization in college that, like a lot of what we did was anti Philip Morris action. And I knew all this other shit about them. Did not know this?
Yeah, neither did I wild Yeah, so that's cool. All of this brings me to the story of our actual bastard for the episode, William John Aloysius Bailey. That is, we have We do have a.
Speca a name. I refuse to hate a name, a man that has eloquishes in.
His as I know, Aloish's fucking nonsense name, right, Like, how fucking dare you so? Will Bailey born May fifth, eighteen eighty four in Boston. We have woefully little about his childhood or his early life. He seems to have come from a working class background. Probably poor would be a better way to describe it. One writer in Scientific American described him as growing up in a tough neighborhood, and he is a rough back ground. His dad, who
is a cook, dies when he's very young. He has he is he dies when he he dies when will is young. But he dies after having fathered nine children, right, so he was getting it in he I couldn't have been that old, right, so he must have just been putting one out per years from the time he was like sixty, you know. Yeah, yeah, putting in work, putting
in work. But this means that like his so, Will's mom is always single, she doesn't remarry, So she is on a single mother's salary fifteen bucks a week raising nine kids. I know, and I looked it up. That's about in modern terms, that's the equivalent of raising nine children on two thousand dollars a month before taxes. Like, I don't know how you do that. I have literally no idea how you do that. That's like, that's a fucking nightmare. Like that is, yeah, just horrifying to comprehend.
And and like you said before that before taxes. We don't know. I haven't found much really about his mom or about his background, but like, just from what we know, she kind of sounds amazing, like she was she somehow managed to pay for William to go to a private school. Like it becomes clear that he's a really gifted kid.
She manages to pay she sends him to the Boston Public Latin School, which is like the I think the oldest public school, like private school, but public is in anyone can go if they pay in the country, right, So a very prestigious institution. It is the kind of private school you send your precocious young boys to if you want them if it basically like what it's it's big reputation.
It's a precocious young boys.
Yeah, if you're if you've got a gifted kid and you want him to go to an Ivy League school, but you don't have family money or like like legacy admissions, that you send them here, and it like it specializes in getting these kids ready for the Ivys. He does really well. He graduates high school twelfth in his class, and he and his mom basically have a goal of
getting him admitted to Harvard. He does not do great on the entrance exam, particularly his science stuff is bad, but he gets accepted anyway, and he enters Harvard as a freshman in nineteen oh three. Again, we don't know a lot about what was going through this dude's head as a kid. From what we know about his background, the poverty and struggle that his mom has to go through. I think we can infer he grew up used to being very poor and fucking hating it. Right, this guy's goal,
I want to go to Harvard. I want to like, I want to make something of myself. I don't want to be poor. I'm not going to do and like whatever I have to do to make money is going to be okay. Right, that's the uh, that's the conclusion this guy comes to. And obviously while he's in college, while he's sort of like starting to his formal education, it's the same period that all of these discoveries about radiation are happening. They're figuring out how you know about
raidum on in Hot Springs. The curies are doing a lot of their work. So this is all kind of a boom period both for public fascination and what seems to be this miraculous new scientific discovery. And also the early nineteen hundreds is the boom period of what's called patent medication, which is basically random pills and elixirs that could be claimed to do anything because the FDA didn't really do a lot back then.
That's what I'm saying, y'ah.
Snake oil, Yeah, yeah, he's he's coming of age in the snake oil era. And while you know he's a smart kid, his grades are good. At Harvard, he's always struggling to afford to stay there. Right, And after about three semesters of increasing financial difficulties, William Bailey has a realization, which is, why do I want to finish college when the really valuable thing is just having the degree. I've been to Harvard enough that I can talk convincingly about it, right,
I can just drop out and lie. You know, it's nineteen oh three, nobody's got the internet. Nobody's going to be able to check up on me, right, I just fake bloom. Yeah, you get all the benefits of glass.
Fuck you Harvard. Yeah you can say did whatever?
And O?
Yeah?
How are what are they calling Harvard?
Yeah?
Yeah, the Harvard CoP's gonna come after me. Fuck it. I'll just lie exactly. So he moves to New York City. He gets a job at an import export business, editing their catalog, and he spends his free time scheming his earliest plot. Now that he's in this import export he's dealing with like international trade and stuff, he decides he thinks he can convince the federal government to appoint him to be the unofficial US trade ambassador to the Emperor
of China. Again, he's like twenty, that's that's kind of ambitious. You know, I don't know hows are sky? Yeah, he starts with a big one, and he decides to try to do this. He spends hours, all of his free time basically writing and sending letters to god knows like huge numbers of US government officials, right, and he's just like laying out, here's how I would modernize trade with China. You know, here's what I'll do if you guys make me this, which, like, again he doesn't know these people.
He has never visited China, he knows nothing about it. This does not go anywhere, right, People do not buy buy into making him the ambassador. So he gives this scheme up and he starts traveling. He starts living on the road basically just like going to different countries, lying about his background, and you know, getting whatever job it seems is going to get him the most money. This kind of ends in nineteen fourteen when he is in Russia working with the Tsar's government, like consulting on oil
drilling operations. He has absolutely no experience here. He does not know what he's doing. But he's good at lying to the czar. So you know, that's a useful sat that will get you far, that will get you very far for about more years.
At this point, man, you will most likely get murdered.
Yeah, yeah, and then the Bolsheviks will kill you, yes, yeah. But he's smarter than the czar because when the war breaks out, you know, being a fairly observant person, you get the feeling this guy understands people pretty well. He decides quickly, Russia's not going to be safe much longer. Heads right on back to the United States. He gets a job working in a machine shop, and he would claim in his letters.
Now, at any point in history, if you make that proclamation, you will be right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Russia's Russia might not be safe anymore. Always a good call, truly. So he decides, I'm gonna you know, he's He gets back home and he starts sending letters, you know, to his former classmates from Harvard, all of whom are you know, in their upper class careers and shit, and he just starts lying telling them that he's invented patents for like motor vehicles, moving pictures, armor plates. He starts claiming to have invented a magneto generator.
Don't fully know what that is. He's just kind of like lying about.
Elizabeth Holmes one point zero.
Yeah, yes, yes, he very much is that kind of guy. Now, what he's really doing is launching his career as a con artist. He founds a company called the Carnegie Engineering Corporation.
He has enough knowledge about industry terms about like because he's worked in sort of machine shops that he can kind of fill out a convincing face business prospectus, and he uses the name Carnegie because the Carnegie family are like the most famous industrial dynasty in the country at the time, so he just like sticks their name on his business because he figures like, yeah, yeah, smart, he
knows what he's doing. And then he starts advertising, putting up ads and papers being like, for just you know, I'm selling a six hundred dollars mail order automobile and you can do it on credit. So you spit, send me a fifty dollars deposit, I'll ship you the automobile and you'll pay it back later. Right wo seems like a great deal, right, you know? You get a car for fifty bucks. That's not bad. Back me up, Sign me up. Of course, there was no factory and no
mail order carre. Yeah, he's just lying, but thousands of Rubes send him their hard earned money and he makes up. He makes a good amount of money off of this.
Some of us are not Rubes.
We just thought that that sounded like a really great deal, and like that that car sounded awesome. So whatever catafor.
He did kind of do a tesla where he's can't pay me a little bit of money in front of it. There's totally a car coming. You'll get your cyber trucks soon. So according to the Journal of the American Medical Association quote, the supposed factory turned out to be an abandoned sawmill with one box of tools and three stenographers. This gets found out when like he gets the ftc comes after him, basically right, he gets arrested on December fourteenth of nineteen fifteen.
He's convicted of fraud, and he spends thirty days in jail. Like most conmen in similar positions, getting caught and being given a slap on the wrist merely convinced him to be more careful next time. So we opt to go for a real product, now not a product that works, right, but an actual physical item his customers will receive so that it's harder for them to complain to the FTC.
He's like, what I've learned is I need to be a better con artist? Thank you?
Yeah?
They really Shancarceration doesn't really fix no anything.
No, I figured for a guy like this. I feel the same thing about Elizabeth Holmes because I don't think we're getting any safer by keeping her in a prison for eleven years. You tattoo on their face con artist, right, that that should mitigate the danger, Right, they can stay free. Just everyone has to know that's a con artist whenever they walk past, you know.
I mean, at the very least, maybe attach it to like every credit check, every whatever you should possibly on the person, you know, because otherwise, like what, they're just learning how to be better criminals in jail. It's like, I'm not really I don't think they need the help.
Yeah, or we have, like, you know, instead of using the FBI for you know, entrapping random people at mosques, we have a federal agent follow every con artist and every conversation they have. They walk up afterwards and say she's full of shit, like just absolutely full of shit, like whatever she said to you, fucking lie, do not give this person any money.
That would be actually the sickest job.
I think that might work. Actually, Yeah, like you.
Just come with individual like interesting ways to tell the person the same news. Yeah that that fucking person that you're on detail whether or whatever for is like they're con artists. But you just like, one time it'll be a singing telegram, one time it'll be balloons, Like you'll get a flash mob going, you'll do the robot like, I don't know, you could just really go crazy.
You couldn't. I think, you know how, there's always I'm sure you have a few of these people in your life. I do like certain people are just like inherently trustworthy and like everyone likes them. Like you send out like NFL scouts to the colleges and be like, hmmm, oh Chris, everybody likes Chris. Everybody trusts Chris. Chris. You want a gig, America needs you.
Yeah, Chris is just saluting on his way.
To But but Will Bailey has just learned how to be a better conn artist. So the next product that he picks is a patent medication called Lazzi Go like Las Dashi dash Go. Lazzi Go for superb Manhood is the full name of the product. And as you may have guessed, it's a boner drug, right, And yeah, obviously when you think boners, what chemical do you think?
Radium?
Oh? No, strychnine. Strychnine. He's not in the radium yet. Oh, these are just strychnine boner dis Yeah, that's why basically dick nine right, you know, that's what we call it is because it's so fucking good for the bonus. Now, giving people strict nine pills for erections seems dangerous and insane, but it was also pretty common in patent medications of
the day. And I want to quote from an article I found hosted by the Buckley Valley Museum, and this is one such medicine from the Buckley Valley Museum's collection is a bottle of Fellows compound syrup of hypho phosphts, invented by James Fellows, a Saint John new Brunswick drug merchant in the late eighteen hundreds. This remedy was widely sold to doctors to dispense the patients, as well as
directly over the counter in pharmacies. Fellows's compound was considered an excellent recuperative tonic that could be used as a treatment for anemia, neurasthenia, bronchitis, influenza, pulmonary tuberculosis, and wasting diseases of childhood. Like, oh yeah, your kid's not putting on weight. Strict nine will help with that little bit of stryct nine.
You know, I'm sorry, wasting diseases of childhood. I'm gonna get that as like a bumper sticker.
Oh my god, don't hog at me. I'm suffering from wasting diseases of childhood.
Childhood.
Now, if you're not a chemist, Strict nine is what we put in rat poison, right, it is very toxic. You should not ingest it, specifically, not in quantities. Despite its potential toxicity, Fellows's compound was manufactured and sold throughout
the early nineteen hundreds. And what I found in that article, like, because again they have like a bottle of this at this museum, They're like our Fellows' compound bottle still contains its original liquid, making it a somewhat hazardous artifact to keep in our collection staff deal with this hazard by wearing nylon gloves whenever they handle the bottle. So it's still dangerous enough that you gotta wear ppe to hold this. They were just selling it to kids who are coughing. Yeah,
that's cool. So alas for William, the law caught onto his strict nine boner pill scheme and he was fined two hundred dollars plus costs for yeah, selling drinking rat poison.
That's just not enough.
Yeah, yeah, not enough, no not, And it doesn't stop him. All it does is it makes him think, like, all right, clearly there's good money to be made in selling people dick pills, and you know, I am Also he's also getting increasingly interested in like, people are really obsessed with the indocrine system in this period, we're just starting to understand what it is. So he's like, I bet all problems are caused by issues of the indocrine system. I wonder I want to sell ways people can boost their
indocrine function, you know. Now he's also aware that a lot of radium based patent medications are being released, and he's like, that seems like the fucking business to be in. Speaking of the business to be in whatever business is sponsoring our podcast is the business to be in love it.
We're back. So at the turn of the decade nineteen twenty, radiation therapy was still At this point, it's a bigger market in Europe than it is in the US because Europe is where a lot of radiation research starts, and over in Europe can get radioactive candies that are like adverts like it'll make your teeth glow, which is great. Shit, oh my god, fun.
I'm just picturing those Instagram ads, you know. Yeah, yeah, they're always just like selling the teeth whitening shit.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean that is exactly like how they're kind of marketing it, right. They're selling you know, liniments, potions, gadgets, a lot of different wild shit. But the tipping point for US based radium medication therapy is a tour of the States that Marie Curie takes in nineteen twenty one. Now, obviously Curi's a real scientist. I don't think she's a bad person. She's not trying to ignite like a scam medicine radiation industry.
You're opening was She's a real person.
I don't think she's a bad she's real sorry, real scientist. So she starts writing. She basically does this big tour of the US where she's like writing on a train and like giving speeches all over the place that he stops about like all of the potential that these different radioactive compounds and elements have in medicine, a whole bunch of other things. Right, this is the birth of like nuclear science basically. So she's she's talking a lot about
that kind of shit. She's very charismatic, she's well spoken, and she gets people excited. Again. The hype is a lot like the hype for you know, AI or whatever. The problem with this and this isn't really her fault, but because she's such a good hype woman, a lot of dummies get convinced that radiation should belong in everything, and grifters like will Bailey realized that like if I slept just like how like there's like pepsi now that
says made with AI on the fucking bottle. Grifters realize like, oh shit, if we just stick with this has radiation in it, people will buy even more of this. They'll pay a fucking premium. Now it's possible. William Bailey Metcuri at some point. We don't actually know that, but he was clearly inspired by her work, and his own dabbling
with radiation therapy escalates. Right after her nineteen twenty one tour, Bailey produces and circulates a translation of Curie's groundbreaking nineteen ten two volume book Treatise on Radioactivity, which is what she got her second Nobel Prize for, and he establishes a company associated Radium Chemists, Incorporated, which starts firing out
various radioactive medications. There was dax, a cough suppressant, claps, an influenza treatment that profited off of the still present terror of the recent nineteen eighteen pandemic, and then of course arim which is marketed as a weight loss Here this one might have worked because if you do I radiate yourself enough, you will get skinny.
I mean yeah, like the more flesh falls away from you, fucking bones. Yeah, the skinner'll week he'll be not yoursto literally on.
Yeah. So at this point there's not a lot to differentiate Bailey from all of the other grifters selling radium medications. Right every quack doctor and professional poisoner is racing to market new irradiated supplements.
Hate it when I'm trying to scam and then everyone is the same way.
I want Tony the only scammers.
Yeah. Tragic. Now this is a time of astonishing creativity in the field of causing new and curable cancers. Perhaps the most reckless example of this was the radium eclipse sprayer. This is a pesticide gun that operates on the brilliant principle of killing insects by irradiating absolutely everything in your home and garden. One ad brag that it quickly kills all flies, mosquitoes, roaches. It has no equal as a cleanerough furniture, porcelain tile. It is harmless to humans and
easy to use. I don't know about that. Certainly not harmless to humans, but yeah, it's basically just a radiation spray.
Yeah.
Home Products, a Denver based company, has the cunning plan to combine animal gland supplements, which at the time are being marketed by the likes of Bastard Plot alumni John Brinkley, the Goatball Doctor. So basically this is like the liver King shit where it's like organ meat is a super food. They're mixing organ meat and radium to produce one of the most Yeah.
A perfect hot dog.
Two tastes too great together. They call their product Vita Radium, and Home Products claimed it would help weak, discouraged men bubble over with joyous fatality. So again, it's a dick pill, right, you know now, I know what you want to know. It's not a pill, Sophia, because I know what you're wondering. How would you take a radiation in organ meat speedball? Right? Because that's what this is. I'm going to quote from the book Quackery here. I was not ready to learn this.
The men who had the unfortunate experience of taking Vita radium certainly bubbled over with something. Because those radium supplements were suppositor radium suppositories, the patients were literally putting radium up their own asses. The women, however, had it worse. In an effort to combat the eternal feminine problem of sexual indifference, Home Products produced women's special suppositories. When inserted vaginally, these radium suppositories were claimed to cure all manner of
sexual afflictions and once more, reinvigorate their sexual appetites. Your wife doesn't want to fuck, shove some radium upper hoho ha.
I, it's like already bad enough just being a woman during that time, but now I also have to have a fucking nuclear pussy.
Oh yeah, you got a nucure vagina for sure.
You know, like my uterinelining already sheds now, like the rest of my internal organs will just shed right out of my pussy. Yeah, that's that's cool for me.
One of my ovaries popped right out and just started walking around. The bills must be working in my hand. So the praud. The primary issue with these different products, outside of the fact that they're incredibly dangerous, was that they're not cheap.
Right.
Radium is it's not common, right, it's rare and expensive, and you know, so is like yeah, uranium or like only the very wealthy can afford, for example, that full
uranium cistern for their family kitchen. So most people who were selling, yeah, most purveyors of recreational radiation products were either marketing them just to rich people they were like premium products, or if they were affordable, it's because the company led about the product being radioactive, which in this case is a real good thing, you know, right, what you want.
Into something good?
Yeah, but that's not how people see it at the time, and I'm going to quote from the Journal of the American Medical Association again. Pharmacope used from the nineteen twenties listed dozens of patent medications that supposedly contain small amounts
of radioactive materials. Paradoxically, most of the governmental regulatory intervention in the growing field of radiopharmaceutical nostrums was limited to prosecuting patent medicine manufacturers who supposedly radioactive preparations were found to give off only background levels of radiation. So the FDID goes the FDA goes after people, but just because they're not putting enough poison in the meds. This isn't deadly enough. You're not going to give them any kind of crazy cancer with this.
Honey, expect this woman's pussy to them.
God, the FDA has one goal, and it's making sha people continue to get new kinds of vaginal cancers.
So on myself and becomes a literal tarnis I don't we succeeded.
So Bailey and some of his peers in the patent medicine industry are disturbed. Bailey particularly is a real He does seem to be a true believer in radiation, but he radiates himself quite a bit. So he is frustrated by like how many of these products are cons right, and so he starts working on a solution to this problem, an affordable economic way of exposing yourself to the equivalent of several dozen X rays each morning. This is where he would find his fortune and rack up his highest
body count. But we're going to talk about that in part two. Sophia, Oh shit, hang in. Yeah, yeah, so you got anything to plug before we roll out apart one?
Yeah, thank you for asking.
I have a new Patreon It's the Sophia a Lexandra Project. So go to patreon dot com slash Sophia Alexandra and there I will be posting writing and videos and other really dope stuff.
So go there, face well, go there or be square, you know. Thanks And obviously Sophia and I. You can subscribe to the show ad free at cooler Zone Media. Also, if you go to a cool Zone Health product dot com, we're released of a new supplement line. You know, everything you need to stay healthy, to stay energized. It's honestly, folks, It's just a fifty to fifty mix of uranium dust and cocaine. So you know, you'll have energy. You're gonna
get fascinating new cancers, cancers. We're working on some cancers that people have never seen before. Doctors are very excited about about our uranium cocaine.
It gonna be frenzy of that part in what hot American somewhere where they're like going into town and she's like, hey, get me some lube for my pussy.
Yeah, we've got an uranium loob. It's just just you know what. You can either use it as lube for sex or you can run a new clear reactor off of it. It works for both. No longer will you have to go two different places for that.
Get you a girl who can do both, I'm saying.
Listeners often ask me like, what would happen if I didn't interrupt Robert during one of those things? And honeys now, you.
Know, yeah, it's not good. You're radium. We get it straight from the source. I go to Chernobyl, I dig up some Chernobyl dirt. I mix it with some fucking you know, industrial horse lube. Bada bing baya boom. We're good to go.
Hey, I summer near Chernobyl when I was a kid, So I just have it inside my body.
Yeah, Robert throwing, throwing, throwing an eel give that promo code.
Yeah, we'll eel up a horse. We'll do it all, baby, We'll do it all anyway. See you all Thursday.
Don't listen to Robert Bye.
Behind the Bastards is a production of cool Zone Media. For more from cool Zone Media, visit our website cool zonemedia dot com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast