Have your answers ready

comes from Alison Frigale. She is a professor at the University of North Carolina's Business School and has written extensively about status, power and negotiation. In her work, she starts from the assumption that her readers are already talented and likable. She explains in some of her recent work that because status is about perp, you don't need to work harder to raise your status. You just need to be seen

and appreciated for all that you already are. One way to do that is to have what she calls a throwaway questions strategy. That is an approach to answering those predictable questions people ask that will highlight your warmth through

your assertiveness or both. We all know that we need to anticipate and prepare for questions we are likely to be asked in high stakes contexts like job interviews or big presentations, But it turns out we can do the same for questions that we will be asked in everyday contexts. After all, these are opportunities to make a good impression and to connect as well. For instance, if you haven't seen someone in at least a few weeks, they are

probably going to ask how you are doing. You could say fine or busy, but why not have a better answer that reinforces the perception you want people to have of you. So if someone asks me how life is going, I might say great, I just put the finishing touches on a manuscript of a book that will be out next year. Or if it's more of a personal context, I might say great, I'm looking forward to going on a choir tour this summer along with my oldest son.

Both of those answers share things that I am excited about, and they both also open the door for more conversation. An obvious follow up question is to ask what my book is about. An obvious follow up question is where the choir is going, or have you been singing longer? Is your son studying music? Or any of those topics. When you are specific in your responses, the follow up questions and subsequent conversation are just going to be richer.

Small talk that remains superficial can be painfully boring and is basically pointless because it doesn't connect you to the other person. You are just filling time. A slightly more thoughtful answer does a lot more work. To have a more thoughtful answer. You do have to think about all this ahead of time, But the good news is that most people aren't investigative reporters. The odds are good that you are going to be asked very predictable questions at

any gathering you attend. How's work, how's the family, what are you doing this summer? What have you been up to since graduation? How do you know the groom? What's keeping you busy these days? So think about how you might answer these throwaway questions, and not only can you create a good impression, you can make the conversation that follows a lot more interesting, and that can make any

event a lot more fun. In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before breakfast, If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.