Welcome to the Become who you Are podcast , the production of the John Paul 2 Renewal Center . I'm Jack Grigert , your host , and I'm so glad you're joining me today . We're going to be talking about parents and teens today . My heart goes out to families , especially those raising children in a very toxic culture .
And just when we need parents to stand up , what do we do ? We get overwhelmed by the craziness of this world . We kind of put our heads down and just hope for the best . Intuitively , we know that's not enough . But what do we do ? What can we do ?
Well , we have a special guest on today , dr Ray Garundi , who's going to give you the tools that you need as a parent , not only to navigate the teen years , but also to enjoy them . Buckle up and get ready for today's episode . We are grateful to be with Dr Ray Garundi on the show today .
Dr Ray is a Catholic father of 10 , clinical psychologist , author , professional speaker , national radio and television host . His radio show that the doctor is in can be heard on over 440 stations , in Sirius XM , channel 130 . His EWTN television series Living Right with Dr Ray is aired in 140 countries .
Dr Ray speaks on parenting , marriage , the family and the Catholic faith . He has a new book coming out that I'm very excited about . In fact , it's out right now Standing Strong . Good Discipline Makes Great Teens . Dr Ray , we want to jump in and hear about that book . Our parents are crying for help . Welcome to the show , jack , thank you , my friend .
There are so many questions that we have . For most parents that we meet today , they want their children to succeed . There's this sense that they think all they have to do is periodically check their report cards , keep them busy with after-school programs and school and sports .
But you're saying in the book that parents need to do more , that if they want their children to succeed not only in a career someday , but more importantly as healthy human beings , healthy human adults they need to raise them to be respectful , responsible , to develop strong character .
Catholic social teaching always said , dr Ray , that primary educators , or their children , are their parents . So I would have a multiple question , kind of to dive in for you when did parents decide to abdicate that responsibility and turn this over to these so-called experts and instead handing them a phone and leaving them ?
Here's my biggest thing , dr Ray , is we seem to be leaving them in a moral vacuum and this culture is so toxic that it's just chewing them up and spinning them out , and my heart goes out to those young people .
Jack , you have raised about five levels of questions . Sorry about that , dr Ray , but I know you can handle it .
I know from listening to you from the past many , many times that you're the man that could handle these . God bless you , thank you .
Well , if you make them true faults , I'm better at those . I got a fucking chance .
I asked parents in my office .
Do you want to raise a typical teen someone who is maybe not on drugs , gets halfway decent grades , no trouble with the law or do you want to raise a one in a hundred child so that at age 22 , you look at that child and say , I think he's a one in a hundred . He seeks God , he has morals , he has virtue , he's a beautiful human being ?
Now , jack , I have never had a single parent yet say no , no , I'm not really interested in a one in a hundred kid .
I average is good . Average is good , that's fine .
I mean , if he has cultural morals , that's okay with me , as long as he doesn't get in too much moral trouble . Then I challenge him Are you prepared to raise and you yourself be a one in a hundred parent ?
That's all right , dr Ray , that changes everything , Jack .
That changes the dates with which you give social freedom , two , three , four , five years later than their peer group . It changes your level of supervision radically . So they'll look at you and say , mom , none of my friends parents even asked where I'm going to go when they know the person . It changes technological freedom , Jack .
They're the only one 15 years old who doesn't have the latest , greatest smartphone and you're standing all alone out there . So , absolutely , the question always is what kind of human being do you want to raise ? And that changes everything in the way you approach that child . Now you have asked the question the toxic culture .
A parent will sit in my office with a 16 year old and say I don't know who that is .
And Dr Ray , let's back up just one second here , because tell them a little bit about your office and your practice and these families coming in to see you , right , and so you're seeing this on a day-to-day basis , so talk to us why you're going forward here .
When we push this off to the experts , we're going to see more and more kids and families in your office just because we're seeing more and more anxiety , depression with these kids . I'm sure this all is tying into what your book is about and what you're talking about here today .
My first book , jack , was a book titled You're a Better Parent Than you Think . I wrote it nearly 40 years ago Now . I was in middle school at the time . You understand that I was a little fat and it was based upon the fact that the experts in many ways have ruined parents . They've made them second-guess themselves .
They've made them parent in fear of making some kind of psychological mistake . They've made them question their own authority . They've made them feel like they're just these schleps who are kind of lumbering their way along and hopefully they won't mess it up too bad .
And it was so pervasive at that time , Jack , I had just become a psychologist and it was so pervasive in my office and it still is by the way that I had to write a book on it , and several of my books deal with this what the experts have done to parents .
There's no question To be a good parent , you have to have calm , confident , authority , standing strong in your discipline , and many experts don't like discipline . You've heard it .
Gentle parenting , win-win scenarios , active listening , high messages All of these things can work , but for most kids , we have to go back to the wisdom of the ages , which is the parent is in charge , the parent is confident in their authority and the parent will stand against the culture often , as I said , I'm a clinical psychologist , so I still see folks .
I'm not just a media shrink . You know , here , jack and a parent will be sitting in my office with a 16-year-old and they'll lament I don't know who that child is . We didn't raise him that way , and I will say to them I believe you . However , you probably underestimated the power of what did raise him that way the media , the music you let him listen to .
The games on the computer . You let him play the smartphone that he's had since age 11 . All of these things shaped who he is , and he now looks at his mom and dad as though you're some kind of Neanderthal throwback that I got stuck with . Of all the people I could have got his parents on this earth , and I see that constantly , jack .
You know by that time , by the time they're 16 , I mean this is difficult for a parent because when you tell them that they're going to realize that , oh my gosh , I could have done much better At the age of 16 , I imagine you start these disciplines at 16 , you're a little behind the eight ball here . You know what age , you know .
I mean I would think that this is going to . This is something that we need to start right off the bat , when kids are really young and selling virtues and values .
You know , is your book going to help this parent that's got that 16-year-old in their office now , dr Ray , I mean , how do we come back and recover from that as a parent , because you know a lot of parents , I speak to the same situation as you . They're coming to us saying you know , look , I could have done better with this .
I didn't instill these values , I didn't bring them to church on a regular basis , we're not praying together as a family . All these things are producing children that are disengaged not only from their own hearts but from , certainly , from their marriages and their families . Can we recover ? Can we recover from that ?
Of course , prayer and grace we're going to have to do , but in your professional opinion .
The book is a Q&A book , Jack . It has 70 questions that are most common ones that I get from parents dealing with discipline , dealing with confidence , dealing with the culture . One of the exact questions is what you just said . Is it too late ? The parents will come in and they will say , okay , I look back on the way I parented .
I realize I need to make some changes . Is it too late ? And my answer is this the later it gets , the harder it gets . However , you can never say it's too late . You have to say , even at age 16 , I need to make some changes , and it could get rough . This is a kid who's going to say what do you do ? And changing the rules now .
After all this what is going on here .
You realize the way I've been talking to you the last four years and now you're going to hold me accountable for my mouth . But I tell the parents , you know , if you're drinking spoiled milk , you immediately stop drinking it . You don't say , well , I'll just kind of sip it a little bit and maybe it'll taste better in time .
No , you have to do an about face as best you can . And even , jack , even if it is quote unquote , too late and that this child will now have to learn at the hands of the world , you still be able to say to yourself when I realized I needed to make some changes , I did .
Yes . So you have a number of different tips in there . So can you give us a little idea on how this is broken down ? Because I was reading four tips on how to help you enjoy your kids teen years , which is a good thing . So you're talking about bonding here probably at some point , right ?
I mean , when you start to hopefully have these discussions with your child , you're sitting down with them , maybe for the first time in a long time , dr Ray , and putting the phones down and saying , look , we have a problem here and as a parent I have to . I probably let you down and now I have to recover from that .
I mean , there has to be , even when a teen gets upset , say , there has to be some kind of a bonding moment , something in the back of a teen's mind that says maybe even hey , finally my dad and mom are starting to pay attention to me crying out and pain over this .
I'm going to love you no matter what , son . But I realize now I've been doing some things that aren't fair to you and aren't fair to me and I need to do something differently . For example , son , I don't talk to anybody on this earth like I talk to you disrespectfully and you don't talk to anybody on this earth like you talk to me disrespectfully .
That's a great point . We have a new house rule From this point forward . Anytime you're disrespectful at all , anything rolling in the eyes , huffy , sighs , whatever , dad , you're lame , whatever it's going to be an essay . It's going to be a handwritten essay and that essay is going to be the length I decide on the topic I decide .
Now , here's what happens , jack . The longer this has been going on , the more likely the kid's going to look at the parent as if to say you're clueless , I'm not going to do that . Where'd you come up with this one ? You've been listening to some shrink . Okay , now here is probably .
This is an example of one of the techniques I offer in the book , and this is probably the single biggest technique of at least getting some of your authority back until you get the essay , which is longer now , because you couldn't shut his mouth the first time through he's on one of my clients called Blackout .
Blackout is total cessation of all perks and privileges and that's a lot . That's dessert , that's any kind of technology , that's friends , that's outside , that's favorite sweatshirt , that's money supply . That means he packs his own lunch for school until you get the essay . Now , most of the time kids aren't so far gone that they will respond within a day or two .
I had one guy . It took seven days . He was 14 years old . His parents had let him totally out of control for a long time . They did this . It took him seven days before he finally realized okay , I'm going to write the essay because I don't want to be on blackout all this time . That's one technique .
Here's another technique I give to dads , dads in particular . Jack , the people listening to you right now are probably those folks who want to raise that one in a hundred kid . They want to establish morals , virtue , god seeking . So their standards are higher than the cultures they are .
What they want to impart to their children is a level way above what the culture is doing right now . So the kids look at this and the kids see what is this ? You are way out of the norm here . You're not in sync with any of my friends' parents .
I tell the dads , if you're going to have high standards , you better have high love , and that love , the best way it's going to manifest itself , is in affection . Don't let the child dictate how much affection you're allowed to give , especially in public . Small scenario , jack when my son was 17 , he played basketball at high school .
Before the home games I'd sit about four seats back in the bleachers . When there was a break in the action Before the game , of course , I went down on the floor by the bench , grabbed my son , I hugged him and I kissed him . I wished him luck and then I said , pd , try not to stink the joint out . And he would laugh , you know , after those games .
I said PD , I didn't embarrass you when I do that . Now , Jack , you got to know everybody sitting in those bleachers was looking down at me like what kind of fool is that ? Look what he's doing to his kid in front of everybody . What is he ? Some kind of nutcase ? I said PD , I embarrass you . He said would it make any difference if it did , dad ?
I said no , you're my son . I will hug you and kiss you anywhere , jack , he told me later . He said a couple of his buddies came up to him and said I wish my dad would do that . You fathers , if you're going to have high standards , you better have high affection .
Yeah , high affection , and not only for the child before , for his wife , right ? You know , I learned a little late myself , dr Ray that when you start to hold high standards to kids , you better start making sure that you're treating your wife the way you just told us to treat you right .
In other words , anytime you say something out of whack to me or I say it out of you , we're going to remind each other about this right away . My son I remember my son saying dad , how about the things that you say to mom ? And so so reminding me that this isn't all out thing .
But but it also helped , dr Ray , because I said , ok , I tell you what that's fear . That's fear . You know what ? I'm going to be a better man , as you're becoming a better man , and we're in on this together , and you know there are some things like that to come together that work pretty well .
And I would just finish that comment , dr Ray , is that I'm seeing young people notice something's wrong in the schools , something's wrong in the culture , something's wrong with their friends that are just looking at pornography all day . That if we don't , if we don't stand up , and we don't stand up as men in the house .
They're going to look down on us for that . Dad , are you really a man ? Where were you when all of this was going on ? So these are complex things , aren't they , dr Ray ? But yeah , it's a lot of its common sense , but , but common sense sometimes comes by people pointing things , things out to you , don't they ?
There's a chapter in the book , jack , that reverberates on what you just said . I call it protect and I say to the guys you would never let another human being talk to your wife the way that child talks to your wife .
Next time you hear her locked into a battle with a kid , don't sit in the barcalauncher in the other room thinking , ah , if I close my eyes I can't tell which one of them is a 14 year old . Get in there and protect that woman . That's not just your mom you're talking to that way , son . That's my wife . Now you go up to your room .
I'm gonna find out what she wants me to do about this . Well , now be careful . You have to make sure you get permission , and then I'm gonna do more and I'll tell you . Jack , I cannot tell you how many women tell me . They are now the authorities in their homes and the guys are along for a ride . The guys are Disney dad .
The guys say do what your mother says . I do what your mother says . Do what your mother says . Everybody does what your mother says yeah , Guys , for heaven's sakes be a man about this . That doesn't mean you kick the door down with your jack boots on and tell your son back in on tick punk .
No , there was a key thing that you said in there that when I look back , Dr Ray , where you just said I'm gonna check with your mom , your mother , to see what she wants me to do .
You know that could have slipped by people , but that's important because I think , as men , when you finally , you know , when the lid finally comes off , the anger can come out and you can overdo the anger to the point where I remember times when my wife started to then protect , in the middle of this , protect the kids , because I went off too too , too hard .
I think that's a key what you just said . If I would have said that out loud , just go to your room and I'm gonna check with mom , and first that puts us as a team together , mom and I , but also that she has some skin in the game too . What does she want me to do ?
Right , and I think that she can temper a little bit of a man , especially someone like me , that could be a little hothead . You know , like you hold it in , you hold it in , you hold it in like a lot of men and then boom , it goes . You know , that's a key point that you made there .
That was something that I wish I would have taken into consideration earlier , for sure .
Parents will ask me can you be too strict ? I'll say it's very hard to be too strict . It's very easy to be too harsh . Don't confuse the two . It's not strict to say shut your mouth , kid , you're not gonna talk that way around here . You got that . Well , okay , first of all , that's not a discipline .
That's just yelling and screaming , that's just beating your chest and going like this . That's not discipline , that's just ugly . All right . But if you say something like well , you know , you just got yourself a 400 word apology to your mother for talking that way , now you didn't raise your voice , you backed it up with consequences .
You're gonna use blackout if you have to . Your wife's gonna love you . All kinds of smoother things are gonna happen . Parents oftentimes say to me we don't tolerate that and I'll say well , what do you do ? Well , we don't tolerate it . What do you do ? Well , they know , we tell them . We tell them we're not gonna put up with that .
What do you do About the seventh ? What do you do , jack ? They ?
finally hear what I'm saying .
You can talk all you want , that I'm going to not allow that and I'm going to do something about it and I expect you to act right . But if you don't do anything about it , you're just . This is not the order of discipline . This thing just has the tendency to get loud and nasty if you don't back it up .
Yeah , and that means then that I had house rules . You have a section in the book for simple house rules that lead to success . In other words , if I don't lay those house rules down , it just becomes what you said , dr Ray a chaotic yelling and screaming and see who can scream the loudest , who's the biggest , who's the strongest .
But I remember growing up myself we were the . I was the oldest of five boys and my dad worked a lot . He was a professional chef gone all the time , and so we lacked house rules .
The only time we really knew we did something wrong is when my mom would go to my dad and say they did this , this and this , you know , and it was a little unfair sometimes because we didn't really know why we were being disciplined , and there was a real anger that came out of me because of that , not because I didn't deserve it , I wasn't sure what I
did to deserve it , you know . And so what you learn as a parent and what I think you're getting to with these house rules is that , hey , we got to lay these things down ahead of time . So everybody's playing on an even I know , when I walk in my door how I should act , what my responsibilities are . Do I have to clean the room ? Do I do the dishes ?
What do I do so that I'm not as a child ? I'm not just getting screamed at all the time either , and parents are taking out their frustration on me , so I'd love to hear your comments on that .
I asked a group of parents one time Jack , when do you discipline ? The number one answer was when I've had enough .
Yeah , see , now many times we hear that .
Discipline because you've had enough . You discipline because it's wrong . If he's gonna mistreat his sister and you tell him leave your sister alone please , and he ignores you , or he leaves her alone for seven seconds and then he goes back at mistreating her and you say this 19 times on time , number 20 .
You are not going to say you know , conan , I'm beginning to feel some anger pangs and if I repeat myself 12 more times , I I think I will probably be obliged to raise my voice . No , you want to kill ? Okay , so I tell parents , don't discipline when you've had enough . You discipline to teach whether it's right or wrong .
You know , it's like you go to confession . Bless me , father . You know , before I had children I was pretty nice . Now I'm not pretty or nice Because we allow ourselves to get to the point where we're so frustrated that any discipline that we use comes out with a lot of volume , a lot of emotion and a lot of attack . You don't want to get to that point .
I mean , we all do it , we're human , okay , especially when you're raising something Tough like a kid and not something easy like a timber wolf .
Given that , and they're not all the same , right ? I mean , you have 10 children and and you , you , you don't treat them , you can't discipline them . Exactly all the same , right ? I mean , you have to know their , their idiosyncrasies , long as we have what , long as we have the ground rules that are fear for everybody .
And then I know one , one child I do have to get a little more firm what the other one just cries when I look at her . You know , and that happened in my , with my children , you know , I have one daughter that all I had to do is look at her and she would start to cry . I didn't have to do much else . And my son and was another story .
You know , it had to go a little bit deeper . So these four simple Kind of house rules that leads to success . Do you want to crack open one or so , for an example ?
One of them is no disrespect for anybody . That means parent to parent , kid to kid , parent to kid , kid to parent . No disrespect , you don't . There's no disrespect now . Obviously , we don't punish ourselves . I'm not gonna give myself an essay , okay , but I do know some parents who did do that .
They said if I talk to you that way , I will write you a letter of apology . So okay , no disrespect .
Technology . Yeah , big one , big one , huge . Okay . So let's that crack this open just a little bit . But yeah , especially with the common question , I'm sure you get , I get it all the time what do we do about these phones ? What do we do about the internet in the house ?
You know how do we handle that , you know parents asked me Jack , what's the one thing I can do , the one single thing I can do that will most sabotage my parenting ? And I'll say , oh , that's very simple , get him a smartphone too early .
Hmm , Do you know the fine to find too early , Dr Ray we well , okay , first of all , jack , you know the average age of a smartphone now .
I Too young , too young to 10 . 9 to 10 . Now keep in mind .
This is , this is the universe , mm-hmm . In this 10 year olds hands he can see anything , go anywhere , talk to anybody . Any kind of sewage , any kind of danger , right here in his hand . Now , if you hold out to your kid is 13 , you're gonna be in the bottom , probably 5% . All right Now .
First of all , I tell parents you realize the strength you got to have to be in the bottom 5% , because everybody's gonna question you , everybody .
That's how kids , that's how they communicate nowadays , you know that he's got to have friends .
How's he gonna know what's going on ? That's exactly . Well , they're coach . That's how their coach connects with them . You know he's got a coach and the coach , that's it . That's all the stuff . That's off .
Well .
I gotta know where they are . You know , I feel comfortable knowing where they are , so it's a safety factor . All of these justifications , here's what I tell parents the age at which that kid gets a smartphone is based on one thing , not chronology Trustworthiness . Now , and I'm gonna say trustworthiness , you start thinking about it at age 1560 .
Hmm , if you're worried about a safety factor , get them a , get them a flip phone , get them burner phone . Now , I'll tell you , jack , it's interesting how kids react to this , if If they say mom , I got a text , you have , practice runs late .
Okay , you know , here's a , here's a flip phone , no internet , oh no , no , no , I'm not using that in front of my friends .
No , that's not gonna happen .
You see what happens , jack , it's not a matter of Convenience , mom , it's a matter of I want the latest and the greatest . So I tell parents , you , you , you've got to hold off so that here's the reason and here's the number one assault parents get . You can't protect them forever . That's a real world out there . They've got to face life .
Yes , that's true , it is a real world and you can't protect them forever . What you're doing is protecting them long enough so you have a few more years of your morals Kicking in before the culture starts to swamp them . That's the difference .
So would you say , bottom line 1516 . So you're looking at high school , high school , is that ? So that's as a clinical psychologist , you're saying , look it , I wouldn't give my child iPhone , a smartphone , and tell there , in high school at least , I Didn't have one through high school because she wasn't trustworthy .
Yeah , now , when you say trustworthy , though , and you again , I'm getting back to your 10 kids . If I've got 10 kids , and they're and they're going through , you know , school right now , I , you know I'm playing favorites now though , right and ? And so how do I get over that ?
Oh , yeah , I had some kids drive before others . I . Had some kids driving at a younger age . So if I gave , if I gave .
I'm just trying to talk through this because I know I'm gonna have questions . So if I gave my 15 year old a phone , but my 16 year old , I go you know what I'm you're not gonna get it . You're not gonna get it . I mean it from a psychological standpoint .
You know they're gonna say am I ?
damaging my kid .
You see exactly what you're doing .
Yeah , oh , no I know I point . Yes .
Parents , parent in fear . Okay , they can't say to themselves this child is more mature and responsible , so I can give this one a few more privileges . This one has yet to show me that they are mature enough , either in their attitude or their schoolwork , or their chores or their treatment of siblings . But see what you say immediately .
You say , oh , but what will that ? Do , will that damage them . That's what parents are parenting under right now , and that's why this book is geared toward getting there stand strong .
So that's why I need my ground rules right . Because , in other words , to a child , if I'm not careful , that's just a subjective decision . You know that I like Martha better than I like Jim . So I have to have these ground rules in place so that they again they know right what what .
Because I want to , I wanted , I wanted to be fear , and fear is the ground rules right .
But even if you have the ground rules in place , jack , they don't like your ground rules , yeah , the point being , they're not gonna understand and , as a parent , I had two kids that didn't drive till they were 18 when their brother drove when he was 16 , so how did you get ?
how did you get ? How did this is tough . I this would be a tough thing . So look at , just come at me , doctor .
It was not possible . Yeah , it was understood .
Jack it what look .
I loved my kids tremendously , as hard as I could . My 10 children are adopted , by the way okay .
Wait wait , wait , wait . All 10 of them . Yes , whoa , wow , okay , so some of them had very , very tragic early lives .
Wow , and because of that , they didn't mature at the same pace and Me putting something in their hand like a smartphone or four wheels underneath them was taking a high risk now Am I going to say well , they're gonna be mad at me . Well , they're not gonna understand . Well , they're gonna be resentful . Well , they're gonna get sneaky .
Well , they're gonna think I play favorites .
You know , there was probably some of that , but I will say this there .
Yes , I believe there was enough love in our home that they knew this was nothing personal . This was just a decision that a mom and dad had to make , and that's the way it was and it wasn't something we were gonna argue about or be badgered about or feel guilty about .
But these kids are all grown now and , like you , said they all take different levels of parenting . I got some gonna serve the church , I got some probably gonna serve time . You know , mm-hmm , I'm on the Penn State one going to state the pen , yeah it's just like real life , dr Ray .
It's just like .
Let's see the problem here , jack , and this is this is something I've just as I've gotten older and older in this shrink world . Hmm , it's something I've seen Especially among religious parents . They're scared . They're afraid to make good decisions that they believe is the right thing to do because of their children's reaction yeah , and not just Momentary reaction .
They're afraid that somewhere down the road , five years from now , this kid is gonna hate him , resent him , not want to have anything to do with him , all because of what they did when he was 15 and that's all the parenting now .
Yeah , so the book it's got 70 , 70 questions , answers to those 70 questions . So I I have a pretty good chance here , as I'm , as I'm trying to , to find my way through this minefield of raising children today , that I'm gonna find some questions and answers in that book that are gonna help me do this .
Will it help me lay out some of these strategies then , dr Ray ? And then , and how to make these Decisions ? You know this is not easy , like you said , for a parent today . They're fighting a lot in order to do the right thing .
I need a resource like this really to help me and then to build , probably , a community around me of like-minded parents , a community that that so my child's not the only one in this group that doesn't have a phone at 14 years old that there's other people within this group .
I mean , this is again difficult , I realize it , but is this a goal for for parents , or should it be a goal , dr Ray ? Remember ?
when Jesus sent out the disciples in pairs of two Mm-hmm , he knew just one other person beside you . Inordinately boosts your strength , boost your strength . So that's the first thing . Yeah , you're right , you do .
You do got to associate with people who think like you , so you don't think you're this lone ranger and you're the nutcase that you're that your mother is now questioning you . Okay , that's the first thing . Are you coming from your home ? Is that your home in the background that I see it is .
Do you think a hundred years ago , where your home is now , there was a farm ?
Yeah , I guarantee you there's a farm Okay .
Do you think that that farmer , when his son turned 14 ? Said oh boy , we're heading into the teen years . Now this is gonna be rough , he's not gonna cooperate , he's not gonna give me any help around here . Boy , this , this teen , this teenage stuff was really tough . You think he said that ?
no , no , he had an . He had an expectation of what those kids yes .
Yes , and and that's what I said in the book I said , you know , teenagers are full of zest , they're full of life , they're a lot of fun , and the word teenager was not even used on that farm a hundred years ago . That's a new term . So what we've done is we've taken these years and we we've made him tough .
But I Believe they're tough not because of the development , but because of the culture . Hundred years ago , that boy was still 14 and that farmer was ecstatic that he was 14 . He was bigger and stronger and more able to help , and the farmer didn't have to deal with the culture all around him . So he was , he was pleased . This is good . My boy's 14 .
He could start to do some of the things that I do . But now when a kid turns 14 , we go oh boy , what's ahead of us ? Boy , it's gonna get ugly navigating all this . Because that's what we do , because the culture . You got to know how to navigate that culture . As a parent , I really hit that hard in the book .
Okay , good , well , we're gonna wind down here . I know you have an appointment coming up , but let me just add this you've got tips in here to help enjoy your kids teen years , just like you said , tips for become a calmer parent .
So so this what I'm getting out of this , doctor ray , is that that this could be a joy , a joy filled experience , and it should be right . This is family , this is , this is something that you know .
We can't be afraid to love our kids and to love them in the truth , and to speak truth in love , and and , and try to find some like-minded people around me . Get a good book like this , and and take it on , and and and Maybe have confidence again in who I am as a parent .
You know my , in my own values and virtues , and and don't let me get bowled over by the culture , because I think that's what's happened to a lot of Young parents , especially millennials . They bought into the lie and so they don't have anything to pass down , doctor ray . They need a book like this to really help them go , you know , kind of find their way .
I'm gonna have links for the for the book in the show notes . I've got a Facebook page or two and a Twitter , but anything else I should , I should be including dr Ray in the show notes , any way that they can get the book at their local Catholic bookstore .
They can get it at EWTN or if they want a signed copy , they go to my website , doctor ray calm doctor ray , calm .
Alright , I'm gonna have that in the show notes too . Hey , god bless you , doctor , you're . You're a joy . I I've been a fan for a long , long time , so it's been wonderful to have you on the show . You look the same . I don't know what you're doing , but but keep up the good work . Huh , it's the lighting jack . It's the light , yeah , well .
Well , I'm gonna get some of that lighting myself then . Hey , god bless you . Thank you so much for your time .
Thank you , my friend , you .