No longer in bondage - Vulnerability and Growth Beyond Sexual Addiction - Logan Hufford : 143

This is a different episode from all the stories that I have listened so far . It's living a life built of a foundation of addiction and deceit .

Logan is sharing a profound and deeply personal journey through sexual addiction , starting very early , exposed to magazines that were just regular and leading to a series of destructive behaviors that nearly destroyed his marriage and family . I am grateful that he is sharing his story about sexual addiction . We know a lot about mental health with substance abuse .

We don't know much about sexual addictions and he mentioned there is a high percentage of individuals that actually go through that too . This is a subject that maybe many people don't want to talk about .

Of course , the story has a happy ending , where Logan is no longer in bondage to sexual addiction and he's able to say these words as the second biggest bless in his life . You may not relate with this episode , as you may never experience anything like that or know of anyone like that .

There are so many nuggets , however , of insightfulness to grow or compassion for us humans that I hope you see that too , so let's gain wisdom from his story . Welcome Logan to the show .

I had been addicted to pornography for years , which then that sexual addiction progressed to where then I started acting out . The things that I was viewing with pornography and sexual affairs became the next level to that . And so by the time I got married June 4th 2011 , I was 20 years old . I cheated on my wife multiple times and that just continued .

That just snowballed for several years . We had kids young . We had four boys in five years . So I was an early to mid-20s husband and dad . Continually cheating on my wife , continually looking at pornography , got to the point where I was hiring prostitutes . This whole double life hated myself , hated the things that I was doing . I made those choices .

I don't shy away from that . I don't blame anything on . Like you know , it was my addiction . It's like no , I had an addiction , but I made those choices .

Right , it wasn't to build trust , it wasn't that it was repentance , I wasn't changing my behavior , I just felt bad and so it felt good to vomit it out , and so that's what I would do . So she knew about affair after affair . She didn't know how to respond .

She's a young mom , she's trying to take care of her babies , and so in 2015 , she did something that she'd never done before and she gave me an ultimatum and said if you do not get serious help , you will lose me and the boys . And I believed her , absolutely believed that she meant that . So we did a little bit of research summer of 2015, .

Believed that she meant that . So we did a little bit of research summer of 2015, . Did a little bit of research on sexual addiction and she , I remember she found this website that had a test Are you a sex addict . She's like I want you to take that test .

I passed that test with flying colors and then we found , like some , some groups and things , and that was the first moment where the possibility of I'm a sexual addict , I'm a sex addict , did that cross my mind .

If you'd asked me , when I was 22 years old , let's say I don't know if I ever had heard that term before , but I would have thought like , okay , a sexually addicted person , a sex addict , that's a guy on like a FBI watch list , that's a guy , you know , some greasy dude in his basement , you know , that's , that's one of those , that's one of these , these

real , these real weird , creepy people . Well , I absolutely was somebody who was driven by impulses , by selfish motivations . I was a predator , I mean , I was just this sociopathic monster and I trained myself to chase whatever was new and different and that you know , that was with pornography , that was with my interactions with other people , and it was .

It was absolutely an addiction . But again , I I didn't yeah , didn't think of it in those terms when I was actively in it . It wasn't until I actually found some resources that that terminology even made sense to me .

So even though I smoked for several years , I was able to just stop smoking , drank too much , but I don't know that that was an addiction . I actually had a really bad sports gambling addiction and that was throughout this whole time as well . I definitely have an addictive personality where I have to be careful .

I mean literally games on my phone , just anything . I have to be careful . Nothing came close to sexual addiction when it came to . I have trained myself and allowed this thing to just drive me .

It was JCPenney catalogs . I found the swimwear and lingerie in the middle of the giant Christmas catalog . I remember thinking I like how I feel when I see these women wearing lingerie and bikinis .

And so again , that's not pornography by any definition that you and I were defined , but for me and how I interacted with it , it was Because I was sexually objectifying these images of these women .

I mean , I definitely like I wasn't doing it out in the open , you know , but even at nine years old it was already starting , and so , you know , before too long I started looking at that same stuff on a computer again . Very rarely would I ever get that opportunity because of the home that I lived in , but when I could I would .

And then it was around 13 or 14 . That's when I first learned about masturbation and that's when I started looking at hardcore porn videos and that's when it really took it to another level , continued for several years , and then it wasn't until 19 that I started really interacting with other women in person and training myself that way .

Like I , I , I didn't like it and I did want it to go away . I didn't know how the heck to work on it and I wasn't really doing anything concrete and tangible to work on it , but I just in my head I was trying air quotes , right , but to that point I hadn't been cheating on people . I kind of skipped over some stuff .

I mean , growing up I always was very insecure . I've always . I always felt like I was ugly . I always felt like girls wouldn't like me . I wanted attention from females but I was always very insecure and scared and shy around . I wasn't shy around people in general , but I was always shy around girls like my age .

So there were , there were not a lot of external interactions with girls when it came to any anything sexual . I've had my first kiss and that kind of thing and stuff like that , but it was . It was very , very limited .

So when , when I was dating my wife to that point , basically all of these behaviors were limited to pornography and I'm saying basically because I mean there absolutely were some seeds planted I didn't realize that there was depravity , I didn't realize that there was progression .

At this point and I can expand on that , but maybe that makes a little bit of sense In my mind it was like okay , I struggle with porn , but that's it . And then this is such a common lie I didn't realize it at the time .

When I get married , well then the porn will just go away , because we'll be married and of course she's in love with me and we'll be having sex . And that's not how it works . It does not make the porn go away .

So you decided to work on it , you got an ultimatum and then how was the discovery ? To realize , okay , I have an addiction , and also how bad could have gotten ? How far have you heard of anybody that has gotten worse than you ? What happens ? Destroy marriages , I assume , and what else ?

So , when I got the ultimatum finding recovery what what that looked like , because that was a journey in and of itself . I got an ultimatum finding recovery what that looked like , cause that was a journey in and of itself . I got an ultimatum from my wife at the end of July of 2015 . My sobriety date is May 19th 2016 .

So there's almost a year where I still was not sober . I was still in hindsight , I still basically playing around with it , like I wasn't taking things seriously . I thought I was and to some extent I think she you know she probably was .

I'm not saying this was healthy , but I think to some extent she was probably happy that I was making any efforts at all , even though they weren't very full bodied

. So like I had started to go to some groups , I'd started to open myself up to to people for help , like I had four months at one point of sobriety , from July to November of 2015 . I had four months of sobriety but I wasn't . There was no healing , there was no recovery .

It was just white knuckling and not acting out , but I wasn't changing up the infrastructure of my life . Uh , I didn't have any real accountability , and so I remember very vividly November of 2015, . I had a bad day at work , went off into the bathroom , masturbated pornography and it was like just right back , right back there .

I never had sex with another woman after after that point . But I continually struggled with porn for the next several months and there were definitely points where , you know , sexually inappropriate conversations with women and , and you know that kind of thing put myself in really , really bad spots . Thankfully did not go even further than that .

But you know cause I ? I've been asked like , well , your wife gave you an ultimatum in July , like , so why ? Why didn't she just leave you between July and May of 16 ? And and she completely could have . Um , we were still I'm saying we , I mean I was still learning .

She was still learning , like what it even looked like to be healthy , right , and how to respond in a healthy way . Just because she gave me an ultimatum . It wasn't like a toggle switch just got flipped and now suddenly she's the . You know , she knows exactly what to do in every situation .

And now suddenly I'm this perfectly no , no , no , it was a journey , um , but what the ultimatum did is it . It did , um , it lit a fire , it ? It ? It showed me . I .

If I'm going to keep doing this stuff , there are , there will be some very real consequences , which I I understood that theoretically , but I always felt like I can play with fire and I'm not going to get burned , and I mean that manifested in all kinds of areas in life .

For me , that's just how I interacted with life was I can play with fire and not get burned . And so when she gave me that ultimatum , I was like , okay , at least my wife and my kids , I'm going to lose that if I don't make some efforts . But , like I said , so those efforts were limited .

The healing was very limited until it was in March of 2016 was the first time that I actually have some hope , and what that looks like was I had met a guy named Rick at a celebrate recovery , so it's a Christian 12 step recovery group and there was there was some really good elements to this group and things that I really appreciate .

You know , to this day , every group is different , but it was a little bit surfacy in the sense that I could come and I could share how I was doing , or I could share my story and I would get a lot of encouragement , and that's good . I needed a safe space . I didn't need a comfort zone , and it was kind of a comfort zone I could share .

I would get encouragement . I would get guys to kind of pat me on the back and like , hey , man , we're glad you're here , glad you're working on it . But if , if I had had a bad week filled with like bad decisions , nobody was calling me out , nobody was like dude , what are you doing ?

And to some extent and this is true in most recovery groups , not all in most recovery groups you're usually not really allowed to do that because they want it to be a safe space and so people aren't really allowed to to grill each other a little bit .

I'm not going keep my addiction to Anchorage , which where I work . I'm not going to bring it with me home to Wasilla . Okay , that makes sense . That's good strategy . Yeah , I mean . Yeah , I was . I worked very hard , you know , to protect it and protect myself and all this . Yeah , I like I went to an SAA group , a sex addicts , anonymous .

I went to that for a few months , and that's where I had , like , I had four months of sobriety , but no healing , no , no transformation . That was an Anchorage . Celebrate recovery was in Wasilla , and so celebrate recovery again . It didn't . In and of itself , there was not a lot of .

There was no healing or transformation there for me and I'm not I'm not blaming the group , like I , you know , I was not taking things very seriously , but what ? What did happen , though , was God introduced me to a man , rick , and he what ?

He was the only other guy out of this whole group that was not there for substance and he he and I were both there for sexual addiction recovery . I mean he was there giving back Essentially he had I don't know eight years of of sobriety and recovery . And mean he was there giving back essentially he had I don't know eight years of sobriety recovery .

And he was like Logan , I'm glad you're here , just like the other guys that said he's like I'm glad you're here , but you need something more than this . He's like , given your story , you need something more . I needed something more .

And so he told me about this group called prodigals and he's and at that at that time it was only there was a group in Anchorage and that was it . He was like this group was the , it was . I did a program with them . It was the hardest thing I've ever done , but it's what I needed . He's like you don't need something lightweight , you need something

heavy duty .

So and that's where , like , I'm always thankful for Celebrate Recovery , not necessarily because of anything that I did with it , but because I met him there and so I still kept him at arm's length for a couple months where I'm like like that sounds really hard , that sounds like I don't want hard work , no-transcript .

But they were , these were , these were good guys , like , these were just guys that you could just tell were had experienced a lot of healing and in most cases not all , but in most cases they had transformed marriages , they had restored marriages .

So there's a prodigals group for men struggling with sexual addiction , but there's also a group partners in process for women that had been abused , with sexual betrayal trauma , for a woman that had suffered that from her spouse , who became my rent mentor , rick .

He mentored me for two years in a basically a voluntary house arrest program where I had a lot of freedom stripped away . I had to . I mean it was a lot of hard work and but he always reminded me he was like you're .

You're going to lose a lot of freedoms for the next couple of years so that you can have true freedom for the rest of your life , and I mean that's absolutely been given to me . His wife , Patty , became my wife's mentor and partners in process and helping my wife to heal from all the sexual betrayal trauma .

You know , having a husband who for years I had been , you know , cheating on her both with porn and , you know , with women in person been lying , manipulating and gaslighting and just emotionally and verbally abusive . And you know I'm not here to preach , I'm a Christian .

I'm not going to hide from that , I mean so I always I thank God , you know , for Rick , I thank God for Patty , I thank God for you know what they introduced us to , because it was so different than anything I'd ever seen .

And again , no part of this is to talk down or blame other groups , like people can find healing in , in , in , in different places , and every group is only as strong as you know what they believe in and the people leading them .

There was something so different about prodigals and and the biggest difference was I was able to look around and see guys that had lives that I wanted and I hadn't , I hadn't really had that before .

Like the first group I went to it was , you know , it was led by a guy who I think he had like a year and a half of sobriety , um , but there there was no healing in his marriage and he would tell you that you know that there was no transformation .

You know , there were a couple other guys , kind of similar shoes , like me , whereas , like you know , been sober for a few months , maybe six months , and and and this is not talking down those guys , like I'm thankful that they were here , it's good , but but there was nobody that I could look to and go , oh my gosh , your life has been transformed .

But when I went to prodigals I , you know I was able to have that where I saw multiple guys , like eight guys , nine guys that had transformed lives , had years of healthy living .

There's other types of healthy infrastructure outside of recovery , but that's the best one I know of , so why would I just leave it ? So there's part of it that's for me . But I mean a lot of it is to give back .

And so you know these guys that I was able to meet , I mean , yeah , they were there on some level because it was healthy accountability for them , but they were also there to give back , you know , to be there for the new guys like me .

So he started a satellite out where we live here when I say the Valley , sorry , that includes Wasilla so he started a prodigal's satellite group out here and then he and his wife moved to Washington a couple of years ago . So I took over the men's group and then my wife , Carrie . She now leads the women's group , the partners in process .

So yeah , I mean last night I'm sitting in the church where we have the meetings and we were here last night . I'm leading the men's group , she's leading the women's group , but that's why we're here . I mean there's talked to a guy last night who we stayed like 30 minutes late .

This was his first meeting , he had put it off for several weeks and this guy's different story than me and yet there's a lot of common denominators , right .

I mean there's just brokenness in him , brokenness in his wife , brokenness in his marriage , but that's why we do this , because I thank God every day that I met a man like Rick , that I met the people at Prodigals . So whatever I can do , to just give back to try to show people hey , there's a different way to live , there's a way out of that cave .

I always think about it like this dark cave that I got myself into and I got myself in there but I didn't know how to get out . I didn't even know if there was a way

out .

It's a big chunk , yeah .

If I'm new to this and I'm struggling with preying on women , probably I shouldn't be mentoring or being mentored by a woman . I would say that that is ideal . The group that I first went to I don't go every week or anything , but I still go there every so often , every every couple of months .

I try to go in there and again just to meet guys and connect with with old friends and stuff like that .

They have tried to start up a group for women struggling with sexual addiction , but it's hard because they're you know they're trying to do it to to give hope to women , but they're also , you know , they want somebody who can lead it , who can do it in a safe manner and who knows what they're talking about , and so it's a tricky thing .

I mean , that's a whole other you know ball of whack . Women struggling with sexual addiction yeah .

It's not an addiction to sexual intercourse or sexual behaviors necessarily . What it is . It is me training myself to chase after the high that I get from giving into the sexual behaviors . For one guy it's going to look one way and for another guy it's going to look a different way . My mentor , rick . He had decades of sexual addiction .

He never had sex with another woman outside of his wife . It was decades of pornography . If we write out our autobiographies , our stories are very different . I took my addiction in ways he never took his , and yet there was never a moment where he would give me feedback or he would critique me or mentor me .

There was never a moment where I was like you don't know where I'm coming from , you don't get me . I knew very quickly . This guy understands where I'm coming from . Our addictions have flowered differently but we're two limbs on the same tree . Our DNA is the same , even if mine manifested in different ways than his manifested .

I didn't really actually answer your question , so I mean , I feel like that was context , so it's . You know , it's not . It's not an addiction to sex , it's an addiction to impulsively and compulsively chasing after sexual highs Outside of my marriage . Am I chasing anything sexual ?

So , whether that's inappropriate conversation , whether that's physical contact , whether that's pornography , so all of that is out of bounds , all of that would be breaking sobriety Within the realm of my marriage . There are things I pay attention to . Am I seeking out my own gratification here , or are we being intimate together ?

on , those were really the highs and to some extent I don't even think I even realized how much I was chasing the pursuit , even more than like the final culmination of it .

The spectrum of sexual addiction can vary wildly in how the addiction manifests . Behaviors include , but are not limited to , masturbation , viewing of pornography , inappropriate conversations , inappropriate physical and sexual contact and voyeurism . You , you know , you had asked earlier about , like , where can this go ? I'll just say something very quickly .

And so my , my sexual addiction progressed , I mean in a . In a sense it was kind of like a linear progression .

Started with , you know , magazines that wasn't even technically pornography by the world's definition , and then it went to still photos , and then it went to videos and you know , so on and so forth , and then each of those behaviors had their own progressions , like the type of porn that I watched when I was 20 was not the same stuff I watched when I was 13

or 14 . The things that I would allow myself to do in terms of my interactions with females and how I would treat them when I was 24 was not the same stuff when I was 19, . All of this progressed and it got deeper and darker . And so , just like my addiction manifested differently than my mentors , other people have manifested differently than mine .

And it's not a guarantee necessarily that you know , if struggle with porn addiction and you don't stop it , you will for sure do the exact same things that I do . No , not necessarily .

There's different reasons why Somebody maybe won't ever actually physically have an affair because they're afraid of getting caught , or because of fear of STDs , because maybe the opportunity is not quite there . There's different reasons , but it's going to progress quite there . There's different reasons , but it's going to progress .

I believe very strongly that people that I might be tempted to view as monsters , people that society views as monsters , they didn't get there without going through this journey . That's not to say that every sex addict is going to get to that point .

People that are in prison for stuff related to this , they didn't get to that level of depravity without starting where I started , without going through things that I went through . I believe that very strongly . So you asked about where can it go . That's where it can go and where it sometimes does .

I mean the types of things that I did routinely , the types of the way that I lived my life , the ways that I interacted with the world around me , was very depraved , was very toxic that's an understatement Like I was a monster . I was . I was just an absolute sociopath . There should not have been a future for me .

That is the life that I live now like , where I can have an incredible marriage with my wife and a friendship with my wife , where there's trust , not in the sense that like , oh , there's a band-aid and we've been sewn up and we've worked through some things . No , there's complete transformation . That doesn't make any sense logically , except without true healing .

The way that I treated the world around me was terrible . It was monstrous , it was evil . I took what I could take from everyone around me . Basically , if you were a female , I would do that . But even outside of sexual addiction , I was a manipulative , narcissistic person . That just my ego and my agenda and my way trying to work the room and all that .

So there's one part of it is taking extreme ownership over my behaviors and my decisions and I just I don't ever want to minimize what I was absolutely was a sex addict . There was an addiction there . I got myself into this deep dark cave . I was trapped in a deep dark cave . It's also true that I took the steps to get into that cave .

Nobody made me an addict . Do I believe that I was born with addictive tendencies ? Yes , I do . I was not born a sex addict . I do not believe that I made choices . I took steps to get myself to a point where I found myself trapped in this deep dark cave and not knowing if I could get out of it , not knowing if there was a way out .

The one thing I can that I really am intentional about trying to do , though , and I would say this is one I had an incredible upbringing in a lot of ways , but there was one thing that wasn't there , and that was vulnerability from my parents . There really wasn't ever vulnerability from my mom or dad .

They would teach us , they would train us , they would teach us right from wrong , but there wasn't vulnerability or or stories . Here's why I'm teaching you this , logan . Here's why this matters . I didn't really get that from them , and that's not . I'm not trying to talk them down , it's just it's a factor .

So one thing I do really try to do with my boys is , yeah , I want to teach them right and wrong . I want to teach them principles and help them understand things , but I also I share with them , whether it's with this , which is with dishonesty . You know why it matters to tell the truth , why it matters how we treat people , not necessarily .

Hey , if you , you know , if you do this , you're going to end up like me . But you know , hey , this was , this was my life , this was , this was how it was for me , and it hurt a lot of people . All four of our boys know to some extent our story . My eight-year-old doesn't .

He doesn't know all the same stuff that our 12-year-old does , but they all know when we go to recovery on Monday nights , like they used to well , they still usually will call it night church because we go to the same church building that we go to church on Sunday mornings , but they know it's recovery . We go there for recovery . They know that since 2016, .

We've been going , you know , to work on our own healing and they know that we go now primarily to give back . You know , to help others . There's a long way of saying you try to be vulnerable and I just try to keep that conversation open so that you're going to make mistakes .

There's going to be things that happen where you , you hurt someone or you do something wrong , but we can always talk about it . Tell my son , my oldest son , all the time like you can make decisions , that that absolutely would have consequences , like you could make choices that would hurt people , that could have consequences .

That would not make me not love you , that would not make me reject you . Anything you could do , anything you could possibly do , I will still love you . I will still talk with you about things whatever , whether that's giant , big stakes or small stakes , you know .

So there was definitely trust to be rebuilt with my sisters , with my oldest brother for sure . Yeah , I mean with my mom . I mean that's a whole other podcast . I mean I had a terrible relationship with my mom all throughout childhood , especially in high school years . I truly had hatred for her .

One of the many blessings that has been given to me over the years is having a completely different relationship with her , and that's , I mean , that's really there's some connection , obviously , but it's a totally different thing . But it's just , you know , becoming a healthier person , and so I have a great relationship with her now .

But it took a lot of time to rebuild trust with my family .

It's almost like if you're watching a movie where there's like the cool con man , he can always get his way , he can always get what he wants , but then you see the scene where he's like it's by himself and he doesn't enjoy life , he doesn't enjoy what he's doing .

He looks like he's got this , that and the other and he can always get what he wants , but internally that's not fixing anything . So it wasn't until I was in my late teens , early adulthood , that I started . Oh , I can charm a girl , I can , you know , get what I want there .

But I mean , even as a little kid I remember and I'm not saying that like being charming is always a bad thing I took it to an extreme level . But just , you know , being charming and being emotionally manipulative and that kind of thing I mean that was there when I was seven , eight , nine years old .

On one hand , I don't want to like demonize , you know being being charming as a kid , like it's not necessarily going to point to something , like you're going to have a sexual addiction , but I do think it is something that it can . It can definitely manifest in an ugly way if it's just completely left unchecked .

Yes , I didn't even get into this , but the whole time when I was active in my sexual addiction , almost the entire time , I was a car salesman . I was really good at my job , not because I knew the most about cars or because I had the best sales tactics . It was because I could charm people , I could connect with people and get people to open up to me .

It wasn't like a fake thing . I mean . I've always cared about people . I've always enjoyed talking with people and getting to know different people . It didn't necessarily have anything to do with sex , I mean . I enjoyed talking with people and getting to know different people . It didn't necessarily have anything to do with sex .

I mean , I enjoyed talking to an 80 year old couple from a little town , like I enjoyed talking with them , I enjoyed connecting with them . But if there was somebody that I viewed as somebody that you know was attractive , that I wanted to chase after , well then I would . I would do those same things , but it would malicious intent , essentially .

How can I just share what God has given me , what I have been given , this gift of recovery ? How can I connect with other people ? Like , how can I just share what , what God has given me , what I have been given , this gift of recovery ? How can I share that with more people ? So there've been some things within the group as far as you know .

You know just putting it out there within the community and stuff , and so people don't know hey , you can come to this group . Like , this is a group that's available . But then just thinking about other things with connecting with people on a larger global scale , just like , what can I do to share this light ?

And I think , especially with sexual addiction , because there can be so much shame , we're talking about some dark stuff . There can be a tendency to hide recovery under a bushel , where it's like I cherish my recovery . I'm thankful for it , but this is my recovery .

My recovery , I'm thankful for it , but it's , this is my recovery and I don't want to like put it out there because you know there's guilt and there's shame and I don't want you know . People to , you know , think of me a certain way and so I'm just , I'm thankful that I'm sober , but like I'm going to keep it under a bushel . I understand that thinking .

Maybe if somebody has a certain type of job shoot I mean , if somebody was a elementary teacher and they had my story , like yeah , they probably wouldn't want to put it out there .

I have this , this passion now for a couple of years , going whatever I can do to put this out there , not not my story , but but what God has done through my life , through my wife's life , through our marriage , through a lot of people all around me .

It's an amazing gift that , again , when I was going full circle , the very first question you asked me right , like , why do I want to share my story ?

It's because , as much as I was responsible for my choices , I also remember what it was like to be a 23 , 24 , 25 year old dad , wanting nothing more than to have never been created because I hated my life . I hated the fact that God created me . I hated the fact . I mean these words with all sincerity .

I hated the fact that I was a dad , not because I hated my kids , I hated the fact that they had me . That's a dark place to live in and I didn't think that there was healing . I didn't think there was hope for me .

So whatever I can do to put the fact that recovery exists , even from the stuff that I did if I can put that in front of anyone I want to do it Specifically with podcasts .

It's something that's come about just in the last maybe like six , six , seven months , cause I've thought about writing a book and putting together , you know , courses or something like , and maybe something like that could still come to fruition . But I also can struggle with perfectionism and so it's like would I ever actually finish it with podcasts ?

Like , hey , let me just jump in . Let me just jump in and start doing it , get better as time goes on and get better at sharing my story and doing podcasts , and started an Instagram page just putting content out there just again to try to give any hope to anybody that might see it .

Like you're fixed now , and I don't like that verbiage . I don't get too hung up on labels , but I don't love that , as if it's like it couldn't ever come back . If I chose to pursue it , it absolutely would come back . I would be feeding this beast that's locked away , that's thrown under lock and key kind of thing .

But I'm not trapped anymore , I don't have to live that way anymore . I legitimately thought that I couldn't live any other way . This is just who I am for the rest of my life . So that's why I chose those words it's at no longer in bondage . And yeah , folks can follow . For content hopefully some hope and some inspiration .

And also , if you don't , if you have a question and you want to reach out to me and you can shoot me a message on there not going to promise that I can . You know I I'm the one who's going to walk with you for the rest of your life , but I can point you in the right direction , hopefully , and help talk with you about resources that are available .

This will allow the ordinary magic to go further . Join me next time for another story conversation . Thank you for listening . Hasta pronto . Thank you , thank you .