You're stupid, you're ugly. Give me three hundred dollars.
I remember one time I was hanging out with my friend Natalia, who plays guitar in my band, and we're at like Mary's or something. She was like, well, while no one's around, you want to like practice your female voice. And I was like, no, bitch, stop talking to me like that.
Shut up, no bitch, stop talking to me like that.
Start smoking a cigarette or something like I can't, I don't, I don't want to hear those.
I had to take stress really lozenges today.
With acid in them.
Yeah.
I had a friend who was telling me. She was like, I just want to I want to start doing ketamine.
And I was like, what, everybody's trying to do ketamine these days?
Everyone everyone wants to be trans, Everyone wants that trans girl valor.
Everyone wants to be trans and also be a tranquilized horse. Yeah, like what is happening?
I get it. I like ketamine.
I've never tried it, but everyone keeps telling me I need I.
Don't like drugs that make you trip because it's scary, Like I don't need. I don't need to trip, Like I'm like bipolar schizophrenic enough as it is, like I don't fucking need that, right, But Ketamine's fun because like the trip is just like things are like happening, but it feels normal. It's like the world looks like a Windows ninety five screen saver, but you're just like this is fine, this is okay, that's whatever. I'm cool with us.
Well, I'm gonna introduce.
This, okay. I'm Ketamine Steve.
I have Ketamine danger with me today. Hello, beauty translated listeners. We're on Miniso number six.
So I've been on half of them.
You have been on half of them, and you're not even on the payroll. I'm so sorry, but I what but I am going to pay you today just because I'm feeling very gin.
That's awesome.
I'm feeling gin.
And I'm kidding that's awesome, feeling gen x because you're turning thirty.
No, I was trying to use like grinder terms.
What is that like?
Looking for gin meaning looking for a generous you're looking for.
I did not know what that meant. I know, I know when people people say, like my favorite color is green, that's the one.
I I got that one too. If they have a rose next to their name. You got to bring roses. Roses are what it's a donation money money. Yeah, so if they have a rose next to their name, that means you got to be generous.
I didn't know any of that.
Yeah, looking for gin anyway.
Now that I'm in a loving relationship with my husband, I just get on Grinder to like fuck with people, Like I try to get people to help me, like hide a body. Well, I that's a funny one. I called back to a lot.
Yeah, going on Grinder trying to find somebody. Help you find a body? Yeah, yeah, bury body.
They'll be like, oh damn, you're so sexy. I'm like, what kind of acids do you have at your house? Like, well, I don't got the hook up on anything. I'm like no, Like I don't know, like like vinegar or like anything that can like dissolve things.
Hydrofluoric acid, dreino. What you got, well, Jennie, Yeah, do we want to talk about why we fucking hate her? First?
Yeah? What you got?
I mean we're just gonna really talk about George.
I'm not I'm feeling nice. I'm in the studio.
Yeah, we are in the studio today. Maybe it's kind of hard to talk about George Santos. Here about what do we have to say about George Santos.
I'm not I don't want to talk shit about George Santos. I love George Santos. Why do you not like George Santos? Wow?
See outside of this little recording studio.
She I'm not kidding, He's so cool.
You're George Santas is number one fan.
Not I don't even think so. A lot of gay people like George. Look, think about it, Think about it. Listen. What George sand does is a completely victimless crime. It is. Yeah, he defrauded seven hundred thousand dollars worth of Republican donor money. That's pretty badass to buy ugly clothes. Like there is not a gay person in the world that doesn't want to do that. Yeah, come on, Like seriously, that's so cool, Like I guess in all honesty, like being like a
little less ironic. The fact that he's a Republican and probably does hold political beliefs that I find abhorrent. That's bad, But ripping off conservative donors.
That's pretty bad ass.
And like, yeah, to go to cheesecake factory and shit, that is. That's genuinely so cool. I wish I could do that. Like, those are the those are the people you want to rip off the most. Those are the people that deserve to have all their money taken and get put in some kind of fucking horrible medieval device. I hate these people and the fact that George Santos pissed them off, and he's fucking gay and a drag.
Queen Katara Rifag.
Yes, I love him. If I was his lawyer, I would get up there and say, your honor, yes, it's illegal, but he should be allowed to do it. Look like your honor, like he's guilty, but it should be allowed. Can like you make an exception just on the basis of that. And furthermore so, many of these politicians lie, maybe not as stupidly and aggressively as he did, but all of them lie. All of them support horrible, horrendous beliefs. All of them want to put us into a giant
meat grinder. At least George Santos did this while being just very entertaining, while being a fag and being a huge frickin' homo. Yeah, I love I love a homo. If he is gay, well, which I probably is. But like with he's probably not getting late though he was married to a woman. Yeah, he feels so bad for her. But the thing is, was she like a Russian agent? I don't know. I don't know much about his I
think I think she was also Brazilian. Maybe I'm really probably Yeah, this is probably a beautiful Brazilian woman.
Yeah, yea beautiful woman. Yeah, big Brazilian woman.
Yeah. Yeah. Santos had the BB Yeah. I love him, dude. I don't know what to say. I hope, I hope he gets away with it. I hope he becomes president.
Best of luck to your Katar, best of luck, and we're back.
Did you see the video of him when someone kind of like came up and like jump scared it about who was.
Going to win, and he's like he wanted to say, Sasha Colby. I have not watched it yet, like gas, like his eyes get like George Santos, George Santos, who do you think is gonna win?
Drag Race Janey danger.
Yeah that was iconic, And honestly that's when I realized, like, all right, he's a gay icon Yeah. No, all right, Well do you want to talk about why we fucking hate it here are no, wait, we're done.
No, I don't hate it. I'm chilling. Yeah, I'm chilling.
We're chilling on the We could take a break and look at.
Our phones and try to find one more news story because it's been it's been a slow week.
I mean, Florida, it's fucked up. I can just tell you right now, Like, that's not.
A slow week. It's not news but a slow week. And Florida is like Pei happening. There's tidal waves, hurricanes, estilence, and that's a slow week in Florida.
Period. But yeah, they just passed a bill that would make it possible for defects to remove a trans child from the home if there Yeah, so they're separating trans children from their parents, which is you know, I don't know what to say about that, except that's why we fucking hate it here and yeah, that's not on that.
What do you think, Jane, I don't know, Like I don't I don't know what to say about Like, I don't know.
I get out of Florida if I don't have.
Either a good message or a good solution. I try to think of, well, really, the first thing I try to think of as a joke, and I don't have a joke about that. And then the second thing is peeling back the irony and being like, Okay, well what can we actually do about this? And like I don't fucking know, bugs Bunny saw all Florida from the fucking country.
I don't know, Like yeah, yeah, I don't know. I'm really like I've always been really like agro about people who, especially people that don't live in the South, who say shit like, uh, just abandon the South, move get out of there as fast as you can, because I I think it's a lot more important to you know, like
build solidarity in your community. And also there's plenty of people that like obviously can't fucking do that or don't even want to do that, like their whole family, their whole lives there.
If they don't have the resources, they don't have the and they're stuck here.
Yeah, it's just it comes across very empty. People say that, yeah.
Because they've never been here. They've never ye And of course it's different, you know, like if somebody living here makes a personal choice that you know, they want to move, that's gonna be what's best for them whatever. But if you're from outside of the South watching all of the going on, you don't even.
Or if you've already escaped, yeah, like or if you were fortunate enough to make it out. There's there's a certain comedic personality that makes a lot of statements like this, I really fucking I don't know if I want to say it on air, but there's someone I got fucking beef with who says a lot of anti South stuff. Who is like that Stacy Kay.
I don't know who that bitch is, No one does.
She sucks.
She just makes fun of the South.
She's like, she's like a I don't think defector is the right word, but she was like from I guess it's technically the right word. Yeah, she's from the South, and she's always like tweeting stuff about how like you just got to get out of the South, you just gotta just get get everything and go. And it's like, and what does.
That actually do? What does that actually do? It?
It helps it's self serving, you know, it helps one person.
Yeah, but it also helps all of the people that want us gone.
Right, Yeah, that want to make it like an that's not stay exactly exactly. Yeah.
So it's like what are we doing just giving them that?
Yeah, but the thing is like, you know, you bring up Florida and it's like, I don't fucking know, like at this point, like, yeah, well, we.
Don't even consider Florida pro the self anyway. Florida and Texas are their own fucking thing.
They are in their own way. Yeah, for sure, the vibes are very different, you know, but yeah, like I don't fucking know, Like at this point, it seems like like I wouldn't I wouldn't suggest someone to do that in like Georgia, but like, uh, maybe in Florida. Yeah, maybe try to find an exit plan.
Well, yeah, because now eighty percent of adults have lost their gender firming care provider with the recent bill that passed, So eighty percent of adults are without gender firming care in the state of Florida.
And I could assume that also includes like some CIS people, right, Like.
Well, yeah, because the way that the bill was designed, Well it may not, actually because the language was very specific to gender affirming care.
Yeah, but SIS people take gender affirming care too, they do. But talks about this all the time like he's like, you know, like a dummy and transphobic, and he talks about like taking like steroids. Hga, yeah, that is gender affirming care. Yeah, Like I would take that a step further, like I think like Roguain, like for men, is gender affirming.
Care working out at the gym as Yeah, like, but unfortunately they've narrowed it down to like nurse practitioners cannot provide HRT hormone replacement therapy at least for trans people as I understand it, that could also be for CIS people who need HRT as well, which is leaving those people in the lurch also.
I mean I guess that could be like one thing that could maybe like because that was the thing with abortion, you know, where it was like a lot of Republicans, a lot of these yehe motherfuckers, they were like, yeah, fucking make it illegal as murdering babies. And then as soon as like the problems at their doorstep where like they had they need like an emergency fucking abortion for like medical reasons or something, it's like, oh shit, well, I guess we can't make this illegal after all. Damn.
I think that's usually a way to push the Overton window back a little bit. So yeah, fucking I hope everyone there goes bald. I hope, I hope. Yeah, all the sis woman, I hope. I don't don't. I don't want to continue those.
You're bald, h.
Just just trump going bald.
Do you remember that episode of Doctor Phil where that girl had tourettes and she just kept saying to doctor Phil talking, oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Doctor Phil sucks.
Oh I know you're stupid, You're ugly.
The one of them saying kill yourself is really funny. I remember the girl became a rapper.
Oh, cash me outside that little yeah, I.
Remember it was a week.
Yeah. Well, okay, let's go on a break. That's it for why we fucking hate it?
Here? Can we get doctor Phil on and when we come back, So y'all are gay. When we come back, we'll be here with Doctor Phil and we're going to talk about let's celebrate that, and we're back. Janie has left the building. She is replaced now with doctor Phil. Hello, Hi, doctor Phil. How are you I got I got a throat infection?
Well, thank you for being with us here today, Doctor Phil. Absolutely, First, I wanted to let you know that my friend Jannie danger.
She's up for I'm familiar.
Yeah right, she's fucking amazing a feral child on my show, one of the feral children.
I'm trying to make that boy act right. I just kept getting gayer. I have every word, every word I said to that little gay child, just just it sparked a demon in me. And now I'm Demon Phil.
Now, well, Jane has been nominated for a Peachey Award.
For Most Demonic Woman in the South.
Mostmonic woman with the hugest ass in the South. The truth, She's got the hugest ass of the South, and so she's been a word nominated for a Peachey Award. Because Janie is such a good friend of the show and a good friend of Doctor Phil, I'm going to ask that you all vote for her for best What is the category that she's nominated for, a Doctor.
Phil, I believe that Demon Princess is nominated for the best Musical Artist, the best Musical Artist of the Year. So please visit the link in the episode description to vote for Jenny Danger for Best Musical Artist of the Year. Now listen, Carmela, I gotta go. There's I'm hanging I'm hanging out with Maury. Maury povid Maury Povich. Maury Povich needs me to fucking figure out who's a man. There's three men. They're all dressed up like dames, and.
You gotta figure out which one, and.
I gotta figure out which one. But the problem is, Carmela, every time I go on this show and I try to do it, I see three men. They're dressed up like women, and just the thought that their men, I get so horny and blood clot in my eye and I go blind. Carmela, I go blind. And I'm a doctor, but I can't. I can't see to operate on my eyes.
What kind of doctor are you?
I'm a blood doctor.
Well, doctor fell, I don't want you to be late.
Okay, I can feel the blood ahead into my penis right now, it's slow. I got my blood turned to jelly. Ever since that demon Princesses turned my blood to jelly.
That fucking demon princess. Well, doctor Fel, I don't want you to be late, so your engagement with Marian Povich.
Don't don't look at my direction when I stand up. Okay, can you look the other way? Please?
Yes, I'll be looking the other way.
I'm standing up. But goodbye. Gave you transistors.
I got it.
I'm so horny.
Oh could you tell Jennie to come back when you see it?
Demon woman?
Get in here, Hey Jannie, welcome back. Who the fuck was that guy? That was? Doctor Felt?
I did not like her?
He likes you.
I hated him.
He's a big fan of He was rock hard.
It poked me.
Did it get you in an eye?
It got like my like ribs, like under my ribs.
Your appendix, your appendix rupture?
Oh god, doctor, get back here.
Your ruptured my appendix with your your giant cock.
Oh I know some good news?
What tell me some good news?
Have you? Have you seen that clip from the show The Good Doctor?
No?
Really?
What?
Oh shit? I really? You don't know what I'm talking about. No? Oh, okay. So The Good Doctor is a show that's been running probably like twenty years, and I don't think anyone's been watching it. But it's from the creator of House and it's about a doctor with autism. And the thing is he's a good doctor.
Is it just young Sheldon?
But he has autism?
Okay?
No, I don't think shell Than's a doctor. I think he's just a boy. Okay, But he's uh, yeah, he can't. As as you know, it's very difficult for autistic people to do common tasks like doing a podcast or doing a doctor phil impersonation or being a surgeon. And there's just a very funny clip that's been going around a lot of us.
Is it the one of him stimming?
Yes, he's simming because he had Well, let me just break break down this episode for you. So the Good Doctor gets a patient who's transgender.
Oh god, yeah, is she dying of womanly ass cancer.
It's even better. She dying so much better. It's so much better. You're gonna think this is like a riff.
Cancer.
No, it's better. It's better. Listen.
I'm listening.
So patient comes into the Good Doctor and says, good Doctor, I'm sick. I guess I don't know. I didn't actually watch it. I just know what happens. And uh, the Good Doctor's like, this boy is sick. He like talks like data from Star Trek kind of uh and uh yeah. Uh They're like, it's it's a girl, and that she identifies as a girl, you gotta refer to as a girl.
It's like that is a boy. I don't understand, and The funny thing is that the writers of this show were like, you know what autistic people would not be able to even comprehend at all? Trans people, Like you know the one thing that no autistic people would that, like, it's so funny, like like the the Venn diagram of autistic people and trans people is like that, it's a circle almost, it's really close. And yeah, so, uh, he's
mis gendering this child over and over again. And they do an X ray and one of them is like, good doctor, you gotta you gotta stop misgendering this kid is if anything, it's just very rude and weird, I mean, and they look at the x ray and he's like, he has testicular cancer.
My god.
I was like, you're not joking, No, I'm actually not kidding, my god.
Well, hey, then he has to perform surgery on this trans child's nutsund.
I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure what happens with that storyline, but that is what leads to him. Yes, because because the the base Gigachad, doctor Han is like I don't I don't want you interacting with doctor Han. I think he's gotta get like I think he wants another surgeon to do it because the good doctor can't stop fucking doing like like Twitter term debate. Lord, like, uh, you're actually a man kind of shit to this little
like young transgender child. Yeah, that's what makes him do the I am a surgeon, Doctor Han, Yeah, God, and doctor Han's just like are you now? Yeah? So the good doctor. I I just really like it.
You know.
I think it's been a while since.
We've had like good trans representation.
Yeah, it's a good it's a good, funny like thing that we can all like, it's been a while since I've seen like a meme that like everyone can just really come together and enjoy. Yeah, And I it just it made me feel good. It made me feel like it was like twenty fifteen again and we were all like, oh, cash me outside. Oh yeah. I think that's what's all about building a community, having us all have a elective thing that we can go that's stupid. Yeah, we can laugh.
At this so well when you're listening to those people on Monday, it is my thirtieth birthday. I am thirty years old today.
I tried to segue into that earlier.
With the I didn't think we were going to get there.
You said no. You know, the one rule of improv is a yes and is always asked for consent.
Oh I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, I failed.
Yeah, and never say no, so it kind of cancels out. Yeah, the improv comedy world. I'm watching you.
You're on notice.
I see what y'all are doing, and I think it's disgusting.
You're on notice. Well, please vote for Jenny Danger. Yeah, no, real talk.
I think it's very cool that I got included because all the other artists are like, not like punk musicians of any kind. They're all very cool. I check them all out, especially Ocean Kelly her out. She's very so. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just happy to be included, and shouts out to Woosy.
I guess they didn't even tell her.
They didn't tell me.
I'm proud of that.
Yeah you did, you did. I remember when they like opened up the voting thing. I just like sent it to like a few friends posted on Twitter, and I made the cut. So uh, let's take it home. Use every email attress you have, send it to your make new ones, make fake ones. Do whatever. If you like me, if you like what I do, if you want to see me with.
A big giant orb in my hands.
I'm assuming the Peachees. I'm not sure the Peacheese. I can only assume that their trophy would be some kind of orb. Yeah, maybe an orb within an orb.
Maybe two orbs smash together.
Oh fuck yeah maybe that? Maybe that, And I want it. I want that trophy. Do you know the Charlie XCX song trophy.
I am not gay enough to listen to Charlie xx. See my divas are Madonna, chaer any Linux, none of them are twenty.
You never listened to Sophie.
No, she has a thick neck. I'm sorry. All my divas are seventy plus.
Well, Sophie died.
I know she didn't make it. Sorry Sophie, I've just broken.
Gus, devastated I've ever been.
In my I'll listen to Sophie. I'll listen to Sofie.
Give a fuck if you listen to Sophie now, nobody shouldn't. You shouldn't because I don't want you to listen to her and be like, oh my god, it sounds like bubbles. It sounds like plastic, and I'm like, yes, it does. It sounds like plastic and it's cool.
So I'm not allowed to say it sounds like plastic.
It sounds like ketamine. Okay, I like that to circle it back so special five hours ago and we started talking. This was wild.
It was I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said disparaging things about Sophie.
I slept for like three hours last night.
Oh, well, thank you for being here. That's cool, and you have to go to work.
I do. Yeah, I got Yeah, I got freakin' twisted.
You got twisted.
I knew I had to be here in the morning, but I was like, that's not gonna stop a fucking chaotic bitch from getting drunk with the girlies period. Period.
Well, thank you for being here. Janey, please bet for Janeye. Tell me Happy birthday. It's my thirtieth.
Oh can I plug one show?
Yeah, I plug a show.
I'm doing a solo set at No tomorrow and Underground Atlanta on the twenty first of June. It's gonna be very different, very special because it's just gonna be me playing with like little backing tracks and shit. But I'm excited about it. I'm gonna play a lot of songs that like I've not like ever gotten to play, maybe never will be able to play again. So yeah, I'm really happy with the little set list I put together. So be intimate in private if you if you're true
Janey head, come on out. It'll be fun. And my friend Tea Fling is on tour and is headlining and she's fucking great.
So beautiful and remind us of the day and where again.
June twenty first, at No Tomorrow and Underground Atlanta shouts out to No Tomorrow Priscilla, it's really cool.
Awesome Priscilla on the pod.
She's so cool.
Okay she's a trans woman.
Oh she's just a woman.
Okay, I could talk to her.
Yes, that sounds interesting. I mean I just think she's cool.
I like cool people. Yeah, well, thank you, Jane. Please go check Jannie out June twenty first, vote for her on the Pea Cheese and we'll see you all on Wednesday. Wednesday's episode is featuring Alia Issa, who is a former transman who has a positive outlook on de transition. So please give this episode a listen on Wednesday and I will see you all then have a wonderful rest of your week.
Goodbye, Goodbye.
Beauty Translated is hosted by me Carmen Laurent and produced by Kurt Garon and Jessica Crinchicch, with production assistance from Jennifer Bassett. Special thanks to Ali Perry and Ali Cant for their support. Our theme song is composed by Aaron Kaufman. Beauty Translated is proud to be part of the outspoken network from iHeart Podcasts. For more iHeart Podcasts, listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.