People always want to be right you know what you mean, and be like, well, you made the wrong decisions. Let's show the world how these people made the wrong decision. But it's more complex than that.
Hey, BD translated listeners and welcome to another episode. This week, we're going to be discussing another touchy subject in the trans community, detransition, or as the more optimistically minded put it, re transition. I'm talking with a former transman. Her name is Alia. We're going to get into the politics and perspectives from within and beyond the trans community and hopefully break down the barriers we face and having these conversations. So this week on the pod, I have a guest
with me by the name of Alia. They are not based in the South this time. You'll hear a little something in their accient when they talk. But Alia has transitioned and detransitioned, and I brought them onto the show to talk about their experience. Alia, Welcome to the pod. How are you doing today?
Thank you so much. I'm doing well. I'm very excited. There are a lot of things that I think you and I haven't common outside of the trends world.
So it's going to be a good conversation.
Yeah, and by that you mean, of course you're professionally a barber, is that right?
Yes, I am a barber that's based in Detroit, Michigan. Very much loved my career, but I can see how it intertwines into my day today.
Yeah. Absolutely, And of course you know, I come from a background of being in the beauty industry also, and I was in love with that at the time. Now I'm in love with podcasting because I get to do it from my closet.
But it will be my next love.
I'm trying to work into that eventually one day too.
So I'm not far behind you.
Yeah, I mean everybody's got a podcast these days, right now. So you told us a little bit about like you. So you're from Detroit, Michigan, you're a barber. Can you tell us a little bit about your transition story if you want to get into that a little bit.
So, I socially started transitioning and that is more so changing my name, having a you know, different appearance as well when I was about seventeen eighteen years old, and I started medically transitioning, which is going on hormones and getting surgery between the ages of twenty and twenty one, so that would have been back in twenty fifteen, is when I started my medical transition.
At that time, the name you're using at that time was Lisa. Is that correct?
Yes?
So I actually was still using my birth name, which is Alia, up until about six months into my transition, and that's when I decided to change my name to Isa, which still is kind of like a gender neutral name and a sense. But I am a Lebanese and so Alia is a feminine name and Lisa is a male name.
So two beautiful names and they actually sound beautiful when they're said together. Also, so thank you, thank you. Yeah, but I love the background history there also. Okay, so you started your social transition when you were about seventeen or eighteen, you started your medical transition, you said it in about twenty fifteen. Yeah, and then I know that you're pretty active like vocally as a trans advocate a trans spokesperson. But then kind of along the way something
started to feel like not right. So when was that and when did you start to notice that this may have not been right for you?
Yeah?
I like to compare to when I did first go through my transitions, so you know, you know, it's never just this, Okay, I woke up today and it's different, right, Like a series of moments happened and you're like, Okay, this isn't feeling right and this is it and it just collects.
Right.
So, for a long time throughout my transition, I would say probably at the three or four year mark, I was having those moments that were increasing right of hm, I'm not really feeling like I did my first and second year on hormones, and even to the sense of oh, I still feel this way even though I've been on hormones for four years and then it was five years. But I had so many distractions work, friends, and things like that that I was able to kind of push
it to the side for a while. And then when the pandemic hit, that's when I really sat with my feelings for the first time in a probably in my life, to be honest, and I really dissected those feelings. I did a little bit of hypnotherapy for some inner child work. I had some childhood traumas that I needed to work through that I never did even prior to my transition.
That very much contributed to my transition, and that's when I decided that it was time to kind of make a change, maybe go back to square one again and try again and see how that makes me feel.
So that going back to square one for you meant just presenting more femininely again in.
A sense, because I was so I was still a very gender fluid child.
I mean, I was a tomboy.
Once I went into high school, I started becoming more feminine, and then right like towards the end of high school and going into college, I was really masculine. So I had been all of these expressions, but I think back to square one was more so how I was before I started getting back into my masculine appearance, like even just the socially transitioning part, and I missed it. I missed being feminine. I was suppressing my femininity for a
long time. So I think it was also a lot of curiosity of like, what does that look like for me as a twenty seven year old adults now.
Right, who had been transitioning for how long at that time?
About seven years?
Yeah? Yeah. I think during the pandemic, I call it the Great egg Cracking of twenty twenty, we saw a lot of people transitioning in twenty twenty specifically due to the pandemic. And I think it's interesting how on kind of the reverse end of that, as a trans person who had been transitioning, you had reflected on that, or had, like you said, the first time ever had the chance to reflect on those things.
Yeah, it was very much unexpected when I made a decision to transition. I mean, that was a big decision, and I never could foresee that I was ever going to reverse that decision. Well, so at the time when I transitioned, de transitioning wasn't spoken about. I didn't even know that that was a thing, to be honest. So I think that that probably prolonged my transition was because
I just didn't know about it. I think I was just like, Okay, I made the decision, and it's changed my life so drastically that like, this is my decision for the rest of my life. And when I reached that point seven years in my transition and I felt that way, I became severely depressed. I didn't know that I could go back, and so until I actually realized that I could, that was kind of like this kind of saved my life in a sense, you know. And
I think in the same way that hormones. The first time did, I was severely depressed and didn't know how to express myself. And I think my sexuality being attracted to pretty much anyone kind of confused me as well, because the only relationships I saw growing up were between a man and a woman, and so that kind of reflected into, you know, my thoughts of my own relationships.
Yeah, well, thank you for being so open about the like you're saying, like that sounds like a very hard realization to face as a trans person.
Yeah, when you make such a decision, you're so sure of it, and then all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute, I don't know if I'm so sure of this. Yeah, I do want to add, you know, just because I made that decision, it doesn't mean that my feelings of gender dysphoria and body dysmorphya are gone. I just found new ways to cope with it within society and in the body that I am in, with the roles that are placed on us and all of that.
It just was easier, not even just socially, but you know, giving yourself an injection every week or every two weeks and keeping up with like that was a lot. It's a lot of work, it is, And I just realized that being a trans man in this world was not a good experience for me. As far as continuing that, you know, I'm very grateful, I'm glad that I experienced STA but I just realized, I was, like, I don't want to be a trans man in today's society and world.
Yeah, and I think that is understandable. I mean, today's society is not great to trans individuals.
I mean, anyone with any type of fluidity that's out of the binary. It is a very difficult journey to be in.
Absolutely, absolutely I can totally relate to it on that end for sure. Yeah, I mean a little bit of my own backstory, but you know, I dropped out of school because I was trans. I didn't go to college, And you know, I don't regret those things per se, but those are like those external factors that can really really dissuade you. For one reason or another. The trans community is seemingly put at odds with detransitioning trans people.
Right wing media uses their narratives as reason to question the villainalidity of transidentities and to encourage the demand for limitations on access to gender affirming care for trans people, and unfortunately, some of those that are regretful, upset, and hurt will be the ones given the spotlight to push an anti trans narrative that we see manifest on both
sides of the political zeitgeist. While Republicans are busy making the worst and the majority of the anti trans legislation in this country, it shouldn't be downplayed that even otherwise liberal minded people also wish trans people would disappear. This is what makes it a touching subject for trans people, but to me, they're part of the trans community. It shouldn't be downplayed that even a D transition is a
transition that takes work too. Kind of getting more into the topic of D transition, because this is kind of a topic that in the trans community. Outside of the trans community, it is a topic that makes people nervous. I think it makes trans people nervous to talk about it, and sometimes it makes people nervous to talk about it.
Also, shoot, it makes the people be transitioning nervous to talk about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I just kind of want to unpack, like why that is? Why do you think that is?
I think one there's so much. There's so much like you better be making the right decision, like this is for the rest of your life. You better be doing this, like you said, you want this, you know, and whether that's from your peers, your coworkers, your parents, your romantic partners, whatever, right, you're like, oh my god, I don't want to be wrong about this or I don't want to change my mind because I now have spent this money, I have now changed my life. I now have people call me
something else. And I said, this is who I am, and I am so one hundred about that, right, not even I just felt so because I was one hundred percent about that, right.
And so now you're go by.
You have different experiences, you meet new people, you have new conversations, you start dissecting gender even more, you know, and all these things, and you realize, well, maybe this isn't the route that I want to be on. But now you have to go and tell everyone that you already told who you were that okay, that's not who I am. This is different. And I think that's the biggest,
biggest reason. And then you have a lot of shame and guilt that, oh my god, I changed my entire life and it didn't work for me, and so you feel kind of like a failure in a sense, and that can contribute to it. And I think that all of these feelings are ours, and sometimes you like to project them unto other people, which I can understand because when you say you have these feelings and you know you don't know what to do with them, and you go to a medical professional and they say, okay, well,
this is the protocol for that. You know, like, this is how you feel, and what I've read, the experiences that I've had, I the people that I've talked to that are other medical professionals, they say, this is what you have to do in order to combat those feelings, right, And they do that with any medication and with any surg or regardless if you're trans. They say, okay, you have depression, you have ADHD, you know, this is what
you go on. And it doesn't work for everyone. And I think that for a long time that wasn't really thought of when it came to the trans experience. So many people were changing their life and doing all of these things right and having.
Great experiences with it.
But even then in twenty fifteen, like I said, I would detransitioning was never talked about, and you can see it in this way as well as Imagine you're a therapist or a doctor and you're listening to someone and they say these feelings and you say, okay, this is what you need to do, and they do that, and you've helped them do that, right, and then all of
a sudden they change your mind. How do you think that person like you are going to feel as a medical professional, You're going to think, oh my god, I messed up.
And that's a really hard feeling to grasp.
But we're all trying to make the best decisions with the information that we're given, right, And so I can't say I'm mad at that therapist and I need to go against them or anything like that. Like I have to trust that they were trying to do the best thing. But at the all, the whole turnaround of all that with having that compassion and empathy for you know, us being human beings, right, the medical fields and big farm on all that they are profiting heavy off of a
lot of body modifications in general. Right, how many people do you see getting filler knows jobs bb out all these different things within the beauty industry to tie that in. It's a lot of money that they're making off of this. So maybe the therapist is being really empathetic and they're understanding and all those things, but the surgeon just needs that letter from that therapist, so they're not inquiring on how you feel, and they're just doing the surgery. And
those surgeries start to cost a lot of money. Hormone start to cost a lot of money if your insurances and co you know, all of these different aspects to it. So I can see someone getting very angry and being like, we need to stop this or need to figure this out. But on the other contrast of that, it works for some people and we can't forget that, you know. And so I think, like with all of those things on it, it's like it is a very hard conversation to talk
about because it will never be black and white. It is a very gray area and always will be and just accepting that is what's going to I think help a lot of people.
And I completely agree. I completely agree, because I think we just need to accept that it's a normal part, like detransition is a normal part of the trans experience in the sense that, like you said, it's not necessarily
for every person and that's okay, that's perfectly fine. And I think it takes a lot of strength to be able to say that, because, like you said, you have all these external factors, have the external factors of society, society telling you you're wrong for being trands to begin with, but then you have the external factor of all the people that you've got to support you in being trans and in your transition that you know, like you said, have to go and explain this to So we touched
on it a little bit. But people do transition decide that it's not for them. They do get angry at their medical providers, their therapists, things like that, and the media really takes onto those stories. What does the media or what do people get wrong about de transition.
So my first ever therapist, the thirty minutes into our first ever session, said I know your trends. If I could give you the hormones today, I would And that was like I was like, WHOA hold up? And I was like in my mind, I was thinking, you know nothing about me, Like I didn't even really get into the nitty gritty of it, Like I haven't even really told you you know, it's only been thirty minutes an hour.
And I didn't go back to them, and I went to another therapist, and I spent six weeks at that therapist, and at the end of it, she was like, I don't think that you're not trans. She's like, but I think you have a lot of things that you need to work through before you add this big life change to your situation. And I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to hear, Okay, you can have hormones now.
And six months had gone by since I saw that first therapist, and I made an appointment with her and she said, even though I haven't seen you in six months, you still identify the same. I can write you your letter today, and so she did. And so that was my experience, Right, So I had one therapist that was like ready to just give it to me, and then I had another therapist was like, no, I don't feel
calm put in into that. So there's those kinds, like everyone has a different experience within that, right, Like people don't want to gatekeep and then but people don't want to just give them out, Like it's just it's really based on who the medical professional is and so sometimes people in the media will talk to that person that's ready to give them out and then or they'll talk to someone who's gatekeeping a little bit right, And so they pick and choose which side they want to show
a bit right, and they always want to say I told you. So people always want to be right, you know what I mean, and be like, well, you made the wrong decision. Let's show the world how these people made the wrong decision. But it's more complex than that, because I still have the genderness for you, I still have a body dys morphia that never went away. So
it's not you're right and I'm wrong. I just chose to perceive my situation differently and now deal with it differently than what the protocol has been for a long time. So there's a lot of people that don't want people to medically transition, for whatever their reasons may be, and they'll use that as Okay, well you're going to just
de transition anyways. But the thing is is and like, even if they do transition, it's like and like it's not like every single person that goes on hormones de transitions. They're just taking those big stories. And also it's new right now in a sense new right, And what I mean by new is no one was talking about it before a couple of years ago. Now it's even more And I'd like to think that I contributed to making people feel comfortable to talk about it, you know, and
not look at it as a negative thing. Just look at it like it just comes to acceptance.
But I did want to ask you because it kind of sounds like when you were living as a trans man in that moment, you don't think of yourself as living authentically for that period of time. Is that how I'm understanding it?
Yeah, definitely, I think that's like a perfect way. I think like in every moment that I've lived my life, I've tried to live it as authentic as I could, right, based on all of those experiences and feelings.
And so obviously as humans.
Like we can feel regret and things like that, but I choose not to for my life. There are things that I can say like, oh, like I made a mistake or I shouldn't have done that, but I can't go back and change it.
So that's where the acceptance comes in.
I have to accept that that moment, that's the decision that I made so now that things have changed, whatever it may be, how can I feel better about it in this moment? And that's just like having compassion for yourself as a human being. I mean, no one's got the manual, you know, we don't know how to live in this world.
We're just trying our best to.
Yeah. I think that's incredible because thank you. You're kind of on a journey now similar to the one that
you were on previously when you were transitioning masculinizing. I guess in that sense, now you're doing laser hair removal and stuff like that, and I still find it refreshing to hear, like, even though you are still spending money to kind of get back to square one, as you said, I find it refreshing that you still don't look at it as like a necessarily a negative and you find that acceptance in the experience.
Yeah.
I guess like I would have never known if I didn't do it, you know, and it would have always been on my mind. I've always been a very curious person, but I've always been a person who was like, if I wanted something, I was going to go and get it. And when I transitioned medically, like if my mom always says, she's like, if you're going to do something, she's like, you do it one hundred percent, you know, like one
hundred and ten. And that's what I did. I needed to fully immerse myself and that identity and experience it. And for a while I did like it, and then I realized I didn't. In the moment that I realized that I didn't, I had to change that. I mean,
I've done it with my careers. I've done it with different things, Like I want to be happy and feel fulfilled in every moment that I am living on this earth, and so I try my bus to do it in all different ways outside of even feeling comfortable in my body, you know, right, And I think we all should do that, you know, like in whatever way that they translates.
Absolutely, And I think that that's, like I said, just a refreshing perspective. And I appreciate that we've had a lot of discussions this season on the meaning of the trans umbrella and who fits in where, But really transness doesn't fit into one box. There is no one way
that a person transitions. There's no one way to be trans though there are many shared experiences that come with being trans. There will never be a formula or requirements to meet to be trans. No one person can perfectly embody any gender to meet the requirements of the gender binary, even SIS people, but this is especially stressful for trans individuals. Part of the motivation for Alia's d transitioning What do
you think trans people? What kinds of misconceptions or things do you hear from trans people about de transition?
The biggest I feel like is a lot of trans people the first thing that always say is you were never trans, don't talk about this, and you're just CIS. And it's like kind of funny to me because I'm just like, you're throwing these terms out like they are kind of negative things, even with saying like you're just SIS.
But it's like that's not.
Right, and so it's like it's this weird way that they word it. And I think that a lot of times they think, like all d transition are like they'll be like they're bad, don't listen to their stories, or they're trying to take away trans rites by telling their stories, you know, and things of that, and it's it's like but really not like maybe there are some which even
with those people I understand their frustration. I understand their anger, and I understand their hurt, and I'm sure that they're not having a good time with their family members or significant others or friends or anything like that with the whole I told you sew and shaking the finger and we're humans and they're letting out their anger and their frustration and I get it, but it's not going to help the situation because that's like screaming like abstinence when
like everyone's having sex and it's just like let's use some condoms, you know, like things like that. It's like it's not going to happen. So let's talk about it and realize that people are still going to do the things that they're going to do. They're still going to transition, They're still going to in any way that that is, you know, So let's just talk a little bit more and educate that there are a lot of other sides
to this. I think that's probably the biggest and a lot of people de transition for many a different reason. It could be hormones don't work with well with their body. It could mean that they don't want to go through surgery. I mean, that's a very traumatic thing to put your body through any surgery, you know, Like there's so many
different things. Social interactions are just like yeah, realizing like me living this life, I'm not enjoying my social interactions with people, whether it be romantic, platonic, anything like that, Like this isn't fun for me. And that's real living in this world as the opposite gender or something in between that whether it's social or medical, it's hard, you know.
And so like a lot of people would be like, you know, you have courage to go back, and I'm like, you got courage to stay, you know, like because that is hard. There's a lot of stigma around that on both sides, you know, definitely, So I would say that's the biggest Like I said, I still have gender dysphor you Like, I'm gonna be very honest with you, if I woke up tomorrow as a six foot five man with you know, all the superficial physical action, it's like
I probably would have felt more comfortable. But getting like thinking about getting bottom surgery and things like that, like it was really scary to me, and I saw a lot of complications you know, and things like that. I don't think it happens to everyone, but it's a big chance. And so I still have moments where I see myself as ASA and I use that just to kind of, you know, my masculine identity in a sense, like I
still feel like that. It's just I'm five foot three, I'm very curvy, I am flamboyant in my speech, you know, different things that it just I'm translated better in society as a feminine person who's deemed as a woman or whatever you want to call me. In a sense, I just feel like my interactions are a lot easier sometimes.
Yeah, I understand that, which.
Sucks, you know, Like, no, it sucks, you know.
No, that's really touching. I'm sorry. I just made me cheer up a little bit.
Oh, I appreciate. I'm sorry.
I tend to cry with some people on my videos and chat, so I get that.
No, yeah, you're fine. No, I completely understand that. I'm going to take a quick break really so I can tissue. You're okay, and we're back. When talking about transition, the focus is often on the physical, but the spiritual kind of gets left out. The aspects that are intangible and intrinsic. The goal of transitioning socially and medically is so we can feel more aligned with our spiritual selves after all,
But sometimes it doesn't always turn out that way. I have known people who have had to de transition for familial, societal pressures and things like that. And that is all so a reality that is not talked about enough when it is talked about in the media and stuff like that. Is there is a lot, as you said, lots and lots of different reasons why a person chooses to transition, and then lots and reasons why a person chooses to detransition.
Those are hard decisions to make because of like those reasons, like, yeah, they suck, you know. But I think for me, I just got to the point where I was like, Okay, well, this is the body that I'm in, this is what I was born into, and this is the world that I was born into, Like how can I make the
best of it? And just like hope that I think maybe I look at it as more of like a spiritual experience and I'm just in this physical body, you know, And so just because maybe my outer shell doesn't showcase how I feel on the insight, doesn't mean that that's not who I am, and I think that that's what I struggled with the most, is I was trying to show people who I was in the inside. They weren't seeing my heart, my soul, they were just seeing the physical parts of me. And that was a reason why
I transitioned. And I realized that I was doing it for all of those reasons and not truly truly, I guess what I wanted in that sense.
But social interactions are a big thing.
I mean, it's how you create your identity in a sense, you know, And I think like some people get scared maybe to say that, but it's real.
Oh no, I completely agree. I mean, I think it's over simplifying thing when we say that we're just born this way. You know, that's a really easy thing for a lot of people to accept, and it's really easy for people to digest and stuff like that. But it's a little way. It's a lot more complicated than that. Yeah, we're born a certain way, but then we are shaped by the interactions we have, the relationships we build, the experiences, the trauma we have, all of these types of things
can shape and they do shape who we are. And I think that's some that's not talked about enough. Also just like saying, you know, an easy blanket statement like trans women or women, which is true, but like it's a lot more complicated than that.
You know, yeah, I know what you mean.
I've had a couple of conversations with people with the transmit or men transmit or women, and they are but it is complex. And you know what I found from d transitioning and a lot of introspection was it's a lot of conforming, Like trans women are different from SIS women and that's okay, and it's beautiful, Like there's nothing. I think we always want to try and fit what it means to be a CIS man or a SIST woman subconsciously, even when we're saying no, that's not what
we're doing, but we are in a sense. We want to hurry up and get on hormones before puberty. We want to hurry up and get these things. I think the biggest is the puberty thing, because what there's going to be a trans girl that's six to two, there's going to be a trans man that's five two, Like,
what's wrong with it? I think we were trying to fit that stereotypical what it means to be a man and a woman today, and that can be really harmful because it's these beauty standards that we're trying to keep up with. And I think as we get older, whether we've transitioned or not, we realize none of that matters anymore, right, Like, this is who you are, this is how I look. I might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I
might be theirs. And you start to accept a lot of your differences and embrace them a little bit more.
I will say, everybody's different, you know, and everybody has a different experience. I did not get on hormones until I was eighteen, but I was dying to get on hormones the second puberty started, just because I remember puberty being like one of the first traumatic experiences that I ever had was yeah, the types of and that was when I knew, like, oh my god. But you know again, it is different for everybody. And I don't know.
What party was uncomfor for me too.
I was a huge tomboy like and I didn't have the words when I was younger of what like that meant. But I heavily related to the boys around me. I wore boys clothes. I didn't see myself different from the boys around me, and I can pinpoint the exact moment when I realized my breast started to grow and it was raining and my shirt clung to my chest. I was mortified. I was very uncomfortable. I literally left the
event that I was at to go home. I was about eleven or twelve, and I couldn't explain those feelings, like why.
Did I hate this so much?
And there were other reasons that I was uncomfortable in my body, but that's when I knew. I was like, I have to wear a bra now and I'm not going to be able to have a flat chest like the other boys and just throw on a T shirt. I totally relate to you in those moments, you know. And when I decided to go on hormones, like that was life saving for me in that sense, like I was like, I don't want to live this way anymore, and that kind of gave me a good amount of years that I can see into my future.
So I definitely relate to you on that for sure.
I think that we tend to think that people who do transition and people who transition are different. People who are sistain, people who are trands are different and we can't relate on a lot of the same feelings that
we go through. But I've found from my journey to mail and my journey back, and my conversations with trans people and de transition people and people who have never even transitioned, that we all are experiencing this feeling of discomfort with the gender roles that are portrayed on us. And sometimes it's a little bit more of a priority
to us than others. But I think having more of an open conversation about those feelings to show, like, hey, you know what it feels like to not like to go through puberty, but yet you never transition, or you know what it feels like to not feel like the stereotypical woman or man even though you identify as a SIS woman, You're like, I don't look like those girls, or vice versa. You know, we're all a lot more
similar than we think. And just showing that compassion, that empathy for the hard decisions that we all have to make in life, no matter what it is, that acceptance of that we're just human and what's going to happen is what's going to happen, So let's just make the bust of it.
You know, I've been transitioning since two thousand and ten, two thousand and nine, probably something somewhere around there, socially and then medically and all of that. But I feel like in recent years there has been this increasing like I don't know if I want to call it, like rhetoric or whatever, that it's somehow cooler to be trans than it is to be SIS, or like it's somehow like better or something like that. And I feel like, I mean, maybe this is kind of controversial to say,
but I feel like this same. I mean, I feel like the more we say things like that, the more we make it harder for people to accept that they may not be trans, like in the sense that they need to transition, but they may just be having a different experience with their gender. Because it's almost like we've assigned a value now to being trans where it's like seen as somehow better, but it's it's not. I'm surprised it's not.
Right.
Yeah, it's a lot more difficult than what meets the eye, right, Yeah.
And I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with CIS people. And there's been i think an increasing notion for I've seen SIS people saying that the term cis is now they consider it a slur, which I think is funny because because of the way that it gets used in these types of conversations where it's almost as if trans is like being upheld is like the golden way to be, and like SIS is like meat puny, whereas yeah, it's just apples and oranges, you know.
Yeah, I think this might be controversy to say, but like it has looked like that, you know. I think there was a time where if you were gay or bisexual, you were a little bit more like looked at differently and in some people's eyes as good and some people as bad. I think that's the perception, right, there's something that is unique about you, there's something that is different, but at the same time, you have a community of people that feel similar to you, and that feels really good.
I think that there's also like other ways that that has been like Okay, let's get it like really like simplified to like if your preppy, your.
Goth, or you know what I mean.
Like, yeah, there's all these different ways that we deem what is cool and what is not. And I think that when we're young too. Do we really know what it means to be gay? Do we really know what it means to be these identities that we are We don't. We are looking at the label and how people are treating the label. So when we acknowledge it, that's when we can kind of dissect it a little bit and kind of help the younger generation of it's not necessarily that it's cool to be trans or it's cool to
be gay or any of those things. Like, it's a very complex thing, but you can still be friends with these people and still like identified differently without having to do all of these other things as well. But yeah, like when I was a part of the trans male community, I mean I was celebrated, I had a documentary, I did a lot of things, And the moment that I decided to do transition, there were a good amount of
trans men that stopped talking to me. And it was fascinating to me because and I want to say this, it's even outside of being trans. It's like when I've lost friends even during my transition, where I was like, I thought you liked me for me, and I thought you so ported me for me, but find out that they're saying different things behind my back, or they don't actually relate to me, they only relate to the transition aspect.
And when I'm friends with someone, i'm friends.
With them because I connect with them, not because I'm just inspired by what they're doing and I want to aspire to be that. It's because I have some connection with them.
And so.
It's just like I wasn't cool anymore to some people because of that different identity, and that can be very isolating. And I can see how that can contribute to young people because we're heavily influenced by what our friends think of us during that time, and that's something that we can't help.
We want to feel a part of something.
Yeah, we just got to hopefully educate them and hopefully, you know, they make the right decisions for themselves.
Right absolutely, and if they don't, it's not the worst thing that could ever happen, you.
Know, Yeah, Because I do know some people who have like just to back onto de transitioning specifically, we know where they have had bottom surgery and different things and it can't go back, and that is really hard. And so I think I acknowledge how grateful I am that I did not have a hysterectomy, and I was able to go back in a sense like I'm very fortunate of that, and so my d transition is a lot
easier than some. And I think further just emphasizing like we're making a big decision, but really educating on those big decisions, because we kind of explore in experiment with our gender. But there are moments where once you do something, you cannot go back, and that is something that needs to be I think spoken of a little bit more seriously, especially with the younger generations, because it is getting easier
and easier to go on hormones. And it's not that it's a better, a good thing, it's just factual it is, and so it'd be the same thing with any other medication, you know. I spoke of this real quick, just of like sometimes medical professionals think that a medication is working for an individual, but yet it's really not at all and they've already been on this or you know, whatever the case may be. So I think there's more education in general and conversation will help.
That, right, And hormones is one thing, and then having surgery is another thing. And I just think, I mean, I personally I've only had one surgery. I had to tricky a shave. But I just say, like, take your time and ask questions along the way and check with yourself and make sure that this is correct, because, as you say, once you have bottom surgery, there's really no no, there's no going back there.
Yeah.
So yeah, yeah, there's no checklist, you know, take it as it comes to you, right.
So, Alia, thank you for joining us today. I really appreciate it. Can you tell the listeners where they can find you, follow you, interact with you.
Thank you so much for having me. This is a great conversation.
I feel very connected with you, and I know that there will be plenty of more after this. But if you need to find me on anything, my biggest is my TikTok platform. It's Alia x Ishmael, same thing as my Instagram, and through there you can find my YouTube where I really really go in depth and I'm extremely vulnerable about my story and experiences of how I can best describe of why I decided to do transition and why I decided to transition in the first place.
All right, wonderful, Thank you so much. It was wonderful talking with you today. Thank you you too Alrighty Beauty Translated listeners that brings us to the end of another wonderful episode. I really hope that this was insightful for you all, and I hope that this helped to unpack some conversations that are hard to have. And I hope you know that it's okay if you are doubting yourself, and it's okay to ask questions as you go along.
I'll see you on Monday for the next minisode. If you haven't already, please leave us a rating and review over on Apple Podcasts. We greatly appreciate it, and I hope you all have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye bye. Beauty Translated is hosted by me Carmen Laurent and produced by Kurt garn and Jessica Crinchicch, with production assistance from Jennifer Bassett. Special thanks to Ali Perry and Ali Canter for their support. Our theme song is composed
by Aaron Kaufman. Beauty Translated is proud to be part of the Outspoken network from iHeart Podcasts. For more iHeart Podcasts, listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.