Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - podcast cover

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Forever Dogwww.beachtoosandy.com
A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by Xandy and Christine Schiefer. Produced by the Forever Dog Podcast Network.
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Episodes

97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire

Welcome to Asparagus: Fully Plucked, where we provide educational agriculture content to all members of Pat's Kingdom. So sit back, roll a rug in a bug, and enjoy! Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox...

Oct 07, 202053 min

96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. Maybe. Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Watch Alex's 12 hour birthday stream! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA ...

Sep 30, 20201 hr 3 min

95: Daycares in Indiana

Thanks for tuning in to episode 1 of Dilbert + Smash Mouth: A Haunting. We hope you enjoy the nonsensical ramblings of a former Indiana model and his M&M loving sister. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch fo...

Sep 23, 202055 min

94: Airports in North Carolina

You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly more sense with apple sauce... Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on ...

Sep 16, 202054 min

93: Malls in New Jersey

Well this was a weird one, so I'm not sure what to say here. Something something IKEA gnomes and bread bowls. Y'all know. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xan...

Sep 09, 20201 hr 2 min

92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

Christine and Alex, the scum of the earth, are back to discuss communism, Kafka, and The Parking Enforcement Agenda (PEA). Christine also throws curses around like they're nothing, so we're sorry in advance if we ruin your life. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/c...

Sep 02, 202055 min

91: Beaches in Rhode Island

Hey all you naughty gulls, thanks for tuning in to Christine's National Convention. She has only one platform: Eradicate All Ocean Worms. Please don't vote for her. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbo...

Aug 26, 20201 hr 3 min

90: Small Towns in Ohio

We're going through our lives as a couple of dunk clowns: We think too highly of ourselves and we laugh at our own jokes. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xan...

Aug 19, 20201 hr 3 min

Between You And Us: Episode 18

Need more of life's sweet substance? We got you covered. We're back with another episode where we read reviews that you found and sent in to us! Email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You And Us" and you might be featured in next month's episode! Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read ...

Aug 17, 202026 min

89: Lighthouses in Maine

After years of perfecting our popsicle stick versions of episode 89, we've finally released the finished product. In this episode, we read reviews of lighthouses worthy of Steven King's editor. So sit down, heat up your beans, and enjoy the episode. But before you listen, heed this warning: sexy stuff. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's ...

Aug 12, 20201 hr

88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

Welcome to rush week! There's only one option and it's They-ta They-ta They-ta. And everyone is invited to join! The only hazing will be us forcing you to watch Ants With No Pants on DVD. Welcome! Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wT...

Aug 05, 202055 min

87: Cowboy Boots in Texas

If you're wondering what Jimmy Fingers is up to, he's using those fingers of his to go to https://www.raicestexas.org/ways-to-give/bond-fund/ to donate to the RAICES Texas Bond Fund! They are a nonprofit agency that promotes justice by providing free and low-cost legal services to underserved immigrant children, families, and refugees. Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com...

Jul 29, 20201 hr

86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity and help Alexander reach his goal of man spreading all over the internet. We promise the experience will be anything but lugubrious! Ok, no, that definitely can't be right. Where's my thesaurus... Subscribe to Alex's YouTube channel to watch his Joe Exotic transformation! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyamOY_uT2j3KM_wDCOSLNQ Buy our brand new me...

Jul 22, 202052 min

Between You And Us: Episode 17

This is a historic moment in Beach Too Sandy history. We read the first review where the reviewer changes their own mind while writing the review. Almost as breathtaking as seeing a grackle in the wild. Listen and appreciate the beauty. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3h...

Jul 20, 202038 min

85: Garbage Plates in Rochester, NY

Think people can't possibly be snobs about something called a 'garbage plate?' Think again, then update your Rolodex. Also, fair warning to people who don't like rats, we talk about them A LOT this episode. Because you know what they say, 'Wheres there hole, rats will find it.' And in our field of dreams, there are plenty of holes for Remy. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to C...

Jul 15, 202053 min

84: Historical Sites in Italy

After the success of our Disney Parks episode, we decided to do another one! Oh wait, never mind, these reviews are of Pompeii. But apparently some people can't tell the difference. In an attempt to redeem the craziness, we read our oldest reviews yet! And if that doesn't float your gondola, we talk a lot about sewage. If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/col...

Jul 08, 20201 hr 1 min

83: Zoos in Norway

Don't be too surprised if we rename our podcast to The Shanti Chronicles, because Alex loves his new adopted Gibbon daughter. The news about her might be the most important part of our episode, but it doesn't take away from the craziness that are these reviews. So be sure to listen to this episode, because it has elks, ducks... everything! If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer To see a picture of Shanti, go ...

Jul 01, 20201 hr 7 min

82: Scuba Diving in Guam

Disclaimer: These Podcast Hosts Be Wildin'. Wait, what does that even mean? Anyway, we're reviews of scuba diving in Guam, then Alex reads reviews where the reviewer vows never to return to a state/country. It's just as fun as it sounds! So don't *fundamentally* stop listening to our show and listen to episode 82 now! Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and t...

Jun 24, 20201 hr 7 min

81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

Who the hell gave us this platform? Oh yeah, you all did... Well thank you for having an IQ higher than a crab and being an outlet for our boring childhood stories. We'll post proof of our "extreme skill and coordination" on our social media in the form of skydiving photos. Enjoy! Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!...

Jun 17, 20201 hr 5 min

80: KFC in Japan

Welcome to the Church of Yelp, where we teach you everything it takes to get yourself into hell. We're reading reviews of the "benign personality cult" also known as KFC in Japan. Then, Alex sings a warbling tune of reviews where the reviewer mentions a dream they had. All in all, it's a pretty fun episode to listen to as long as you're not Australian. Fair warning. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/bea...

Jun 10, 202050 min

Podcast Blackout

We will not be releasing a regular episode this week in an effort to listen to, learn from, and amplify Black voices. Tune in to this brief recording or visit https://tinyurl.com/blmforever for tips on joining the fight against racial inequality and police brutality. #TheShowMustBePaused Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jun 03, 20203 min

79: Reviews of Water Parks

Between the indiscriminate pooping, tea bags, and bodily excreted waste... this might be our grossest episode yet. But if you can make it through, you can hear our mother's favorite joke. Well, maybe that's the worst part of the episode. We'll let you be the judge. See you in our next show, "Yelper Nightmares!" Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to parti...

May 27, 202058 min

Schiefer Madness: Few Things Considered

Welcome to our first weekly Winnie-sode! We discuss jellybean storage, dried up condoms, and we touch on what it's like to be an oxygen-dependent woman of a certain age. That's our story, morning glory! Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate i...

May 22, 202035 min

78: Craft Stores in Raleigh, NC

The Schiefer Siblings are coming out to play! And they're on a mission... to normalize... constipation? God this episode is messy. If you want, you're welcome to dive headfirst into this mess of crazy craft store reviews and reviews of cat cafes from people allergic to cats. This episode is not sponsored by Eagle-Eye Cherry, but we wish it was as he's pretty much the coolest. Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new m...

May 20, 202048 min

Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can you, but we'd encourage you to donate to the One Fair Wage Emergency Fund by going to OFWEmergencyFund.org. With your leftover money, feel free to buy yourself a plague doctor mask. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&...

May 15, 202038 min

77: Lakes in Minnesota

Turn off your Jimmy Buffet and hop aboard the Silky Pig, because we're going yelping! Join us on this amazing natural journey where we discover all the crazies Minnesota has to offer. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Court...

May 13, 20201 hr 1 min

Between You And Us: Episode 16

Before you listen to this episode, we've gotta lay down some ground rules. We expect you to either write us a poem or give us a dollar. And once you do, you'll have to follow the golden rule: ~*~Impeccable Vibes ONLY~*~ Only then can we accept you as our succulent listeners. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch ou...

May 11, 202045 min

76: Bowling Alleys in Philadelphia, PA

We've got new merch!! Head over to bit.ly/beachtoosandymerch for a "Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Loser" pin, a "Baron of Cream" shirt or a Beach Too Sandy decal! If you've ever eaten calamari at a bowling alley, this episode isn't for you. Because the lit fairy godmothers Malex and Mristine are judging you. But don't worry, Malex gets what's coming to him when he embarrasses himself by being unable to say "early bird menu" properly. So at least listen to that struggle. Support us on Patreon at patre...

May 06, 20201 hr 4 min

Between You And Us: Episode 15

Since this was released at 11 PM our time on April 30th, we're counting it as the April Between You And Us. Deal with it or face us and our spirited personalities. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus W...

May 01, 202054 min

75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

We hope after listening to this episode, you tell everyone how much we mind blew you with our talk of mutant chickens and souvlaki #WhitePizzaWith500RawOnionsInAPoolOfWater Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme b...

Apr 29, 20201 hr 8 min
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